Hey there! This one is all Andy's fault! He got me addicted to this song and I had to write about it. Blame him! laughs My thank you goes to him and only him in this one seeing that it's his fault that it exists. You're the best! :) Disclaimer: I don't know anyone famous that might be mentioned here. The song on which this piece was based is copyrighted and doesn't belong to me. I don't claim possession over lyrics or music. It was just my inspiration. Not 18? Get out. Homophobe? Get lost. My e-mail? luv_hugs_chocolate@hotmail.com. Very cute, very sweet, it loves e-mails and I love feedback, sooooo MAIL ME!!! cheesy grin And now (after my little hissy-fit), ladies and gentlemen, I present you...
Starfucker by Fallen ^A^ngel
Pathetic! You are pathetic!
"What did you do to yourself to deserve such a glare?" Justin asked me in a laughing tone as I stared at myself in the mirror. Another pathetic mirror. In another pathetic city. After another pathetic concert. During another pathetic tour "LANCE!!!" Justin yelled right next to my ear making me almost jump out of my skin. Why didn't I chose to share the dressing room with JC?
"WHAT?" I glared at him while rubbing my ear
"You didn't answer me and you didn't listen to a word I said after that. Just kept glaring at yourself" he replied as he sat down beside me "What's wrong?" he asked in a concerned tone
"I'm pathetic" I sighed before going back to taking that damn make-up off. Girly? Nah... Pathetic! Pathetic!
"Where did that come from?" he chuckled and then noticed I didn't "Lance, man, what's wrong? You're worrying me!" he completed and I groaned. The pleading face. Why did he have to go that low and use it? And the whining tone! Did anybody ever thought of telling him how irresistible he is?
"Just a bad day. Those girls almost stomped over me when we were leaving the hotel, I messed up my parts in two songs, it looked like I had seven left legs while on stage and they all stepped in the way of the other when I danced and to top it all off I have no one to even rub my back when I get back at the hotel. I mean, you have Brit, JC has Bobby, Chris has Dani and Joey has... well... someone... Pathetic! Pathetic!" I groaned before banging my head on the dressing table
"Stop it!" he ordered as his hand came to the back of my head and held it there "You are not pathetic. Being alone doesn't make you pathetic" he said and I lifted my head sharply to look at him
"You say that because you never are" I snapped and then regretted it when hurt crossed his cute features "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I'm just frustrated I guess" I muttered before throwing the washcloth I was using to clean my face on the dressing table
"That's ok"
"Am I really that hideous that no one wants me?"
"You are not hideous! Is this all about that jerk again?"
"No. Yes. Maybe. Who knows?" I smiled weakly at him
"You have hordes of girls screaming your name everywhere we go"
"What if that's not what I want?"
"There are hordes of guys out there too" he grinned and I chuckled "If you can't find it now, you keep looking for it then..."
"Ease for you to say when you're this adorable" I grinned at him and laughed at the blush on his cheeks. He truly was adorable.
"I hate you when you make me blush." he pouted
"Go be with your cute girlfriend. Ask her to rub your back for me" I said and he laughed
"That's not the only thing I'll ask her to rub"
"Virgin ears! Virgin ears!" I chanted, covering my ears
"Yeah right. Probably the only parts that still are, huh?" he winked and I went to grab the first thing that came in contact with my hand to throw at him. And it happened to be my brush
"Out!" I barked at him, pretending I was about to throw the brush at him
"OK! OK! See ya at the hotel, right?" he laughed as he got up and went for the door
"Yeah. I'll stay here a little longer. Less time listening to all of you getting it on when I'm lonely" I replied and he laughed
"You don't have to be lonely" he wriggled his eyebrows
"What? You and Brit gonna invite me in?" I teased him and laughed when he pretended to be considering it
"If you asked nice enough..." he grinned
"Just go, dumbass!" I laughed as I threw the brush, hitting the door when he hurriedly closed it behind himself. I sighed and looked back into the mirror "I hate you!" I barked and stuck my tongue at myself. Great, now I'm going crazy too... I had just put my shirt on and buttoned it half-way up when there was a knock on the door "Come in!" I yelled as I finished with the shirt and the door opened "Hi, can I help you?"
"I came to ask if everything is ok... I heard some noise..."
...He came into my dressing-room... After the show... I had taken off my make-up... I was ready to go...
"Nothing serious" I replied and blushed "You are?"
"Name's John. I work in this arena. I was helping people to put things back in their places. These fans of yours can be quite disastrous" the guy said and I laughed
"Not the first time I hear that" I nodded "Are you from around here?" I asked suddenly, surprising him a little
"Yeah. Why?" Note to self: cute confused face. Brownie points for him.
"Do you know of any bar or cafe around here?"
"Yes. There's a really cool one just a few blocks down the street" he answered "Rough night?" he asked with a sympathetic smile
"Something like that..." I sighed as I grabbed my coat. When I stood back up, he was right in front of me
"Maybe I can help you" he whispered before grabbing my face and kissing me. My heart jumped to my throat and I went to push him away but damn his lips felt good. My mind screamed at me to stop it, it was wrong, I didn't know this guy, I just knew his name, and he could be lying. I silently told my mind to shut up and kissed the guy back. His embrace was strong and I melted against him...
...Fragile and lonely... My hair and soul's a mess... He grabbed my head hard and said... I'll take you away from all this stress...
"Wait! John, I..."
"Shhhh... don't worry, ok?" he smiled and his blue eyes shined as his gaze penetrated my soul
"OK..." I whispered before he kissed me again
"Still wanna go to that bar or maybe we could go somewhere more private... I don't think you'd want just anyone to see us..." he smiled and I was relieved and scared all together. Relieved that he understood the implications of my career even if there wasn't an us. At least yet. Scared because I didn't know him. What if he was some psycho? "I'm not gonna bite you" he laughed "Unless you ask nicely that is" he winked before kissing me again. Thinking about it, a psycho probably didn't kiss that well... Oh! Fuck it all! I was feeling lonely and he was company.
"Somewhere private would be better I think" I smiled back
"Good. Then you'll tell me all about James. About Lance I already know enough" he smiled before he took my hand
...He said... I wanna know the streets you walk... I wanna know your name... I wanna know the limit of your sky...
He then opened the door and after one last squeeze dropped my hand so no one would see "Loonie, this is John. John, this is my bodyguard, Loonie" I introduced them and they shook hands. It was obvious that Loonie wasn't happy when he saw John and I coming out of my dressing room "We're going out. You can go back to the hotel. Tell the guys I'm fine" I said and made my point by glaring at him
"But..."
"No buts" I hissed as I came closer to him, from where I could whisper and he would hear me "Please! Just go... I have my phone... John's my friend. I'll be fine. Last thing I need now is to scare him away with all this security stuff" I had been alone for far too long. A nice guy wanted to be with me and there was no way in hell I'd let anything like that ruin my night "Just ask the driver to wait for me and you can go"
"Fine. But if I lose my job, you'll have to provide for my family" he hissed back
"OK. As long as I get to have a little privacy"
"This is so wrong. I am so gonna lose my job" he muttered as he walked down the corridor that led to the backdoor exit
"Sorry about that. He can be a little over-protective sometimes" I shrugged and he laughed
"That's ok. I understand. I would feel over-protective too if it meant your safety. Can't have you being hurt now, can we?" his smile flashed at me and I'm not sure but my cheeks probably showed every shade of red possible "C'mon, cutie" he laughed and led the way down the corridor. I followed him and even though I was still kind of aprehensive he made me feel at easy every time his eyes caught mine. His smile flashed sincerity. I plain liked him.
We got into the car and I asked John to give directions to the driver to wherever he was taking me. The driver started the car and he sat back beside me. And we talked. Talked about family, careers, travelling. He asked me how it was like to have to keep hiding, I asked him how it was to be out. We talked about childhood, about foods, about basketball, about Justin. He told me what it was like to grow up in a big city. I told him what it was like to grow up in a small town. We talked about our moms, about our siblings, about music, about puppies. His eyes and his smile were everything I could see, the world passing through the windows didn't matter anymore. Until the car came to a stop. I looked outside to see what looked like a small motel/restaurant thing. It looked cozy and warm. I liked it instantly. I told the driver to go back to the hotel where I was staying and even though he wasn't very happy, he did what I told him to. John and I walked inside and I looked around while he went for the check-in counter. Soon he came back with a keycard and a big smile "C'mon..." he took my hand and dragged me to the elevator. As soon as the doors to the elevator closed, his lips were on mine. Butter on a hot plate doesn't melt half as much as I melted every time his tongue ran over mine. The doors of the elevator opened and we parted. He kept his arm around my waist though and led me down the hallway "It's probably not half as beautiful as the hotel rooms you get, but it has a tv and a bed" he said and we laughed as we got in the room
"It's a nice room. Cozy. Small. Not half as cold as the rooms I've been to" I said softly while looking around
"Sit down" he said before he walked to the refrigerator "Want something to drink?"
"A beer would be fine, thanks" I replied and watched his cute ass as he bent down to look into the refrigerator
"There you go" he smiled as he handed me a bottle and sat down beside me before opening his own bottle. I opened mine and took a long drag of it, wincing when I swallowed it all took quickly "Who did this to you?"
"Who did what to me?" I looked at him puzzled
"Your eyes... they show hurt..."
"Ex-fucking-boyfriend." I replied bitterly "He didn't give a shit about my feelings. Everything he wanted was my money. Found him fucking some other guy when I got back from a tour. On our bed."
"Jerk indeed" he said softly as his fingers ran through my hair "When was that?"
"Three years ago or something" I shrugged
"And you've been alone since then?"
"Sort of" I replied softly and looked into his eyes
"Not very easy to trust anyone after that, huh?" his eyes were so sincere, he was so easy to look at, his smile was amazing...
"Not very" I said before his lips were on mine. I felt his hand grab my beer and put it away before pulling me closer to him. I let myself get lost in his arms, let myself get lost in his mouth, let myself get lost in him. From then on it was all kind of a blur and soon we were both naked, lying on that bed
"Do you trust me?" he whispered against my lips as his body covered mine
"I shouldn't but I do" I replied honestly and his lips crushed mine
"You're one of the most beautiful men I've ever seen"
...I let him carry me to the closest motel... Couldn't be more naked than I was... Told him the nicer version of the story of my lousy life... And I got drunk and high and lost...
His hands traveled my body, soon to be followed by his lips and tongue. It had been so damn long since anyone had touched me like that I was scared I wouldn't be able to take it
"Relax..." he whispered against my navel and I moaned as my hips came up on their own "Eager much?" he giggled before his tongue went inside my bellybutton
"Yes... oh god... yes... please..." I knew I sounded like a mix of a whining baby and a whore... ok, so bad analogy but my brain wasn't exactly working then anyway...
"Please what? Tell me what to do... tell me what you want..." he whispered and kissed a part of my stomach between each words
"Anything... just... oh god... just don't stop..." I replied and heard his chuckle before there was silence and "Shit!" oh god... his mouth felt so good, so warm, so wet, so oh so good... "Fuck me" I pleaded as I sit up and took his head up so he was looking into my eyes "Please, fuck me senseless" I whispered before attacking his lips with mine, fucking his mouth with my tongue. I had never felt so hot, eager, I had never craved for something this much and even though it scared me to feel like that, damn, that felt good!
"Are you sure?" he asked between kisses as I flipped us over so I was straddling his body
"Yes... yes I am..."
...Gave him all of my sad lonely body... I did it all... I did it all, except for cutting my wrists...
He was inside me. He was over me. He was touching me. He was oh damn moving inside me, and I couldn't breath, and I didn't care, I could die for lack of oxygen for all I cared as long as it felt that good...
I don't know what exactly set me off, all I knew was that at one moment, I felt him sliding into me, his tongue, his penis, and the next, I felt like I was exploding... He was everywhere around me, and white, hot, lightning... and nothing had ever felt so good...
...He said... I wanna know the streets you walk... I wanna know your dreams... I wanna know the colour of your sky... I wanna give you everything... I wanna heal your soul... I wanna be the muscel in your life...
"Joh-John?" I said, my voice throaty from sleeping. Lifting my head I groaned when pain shot through it. Note to self: never drink again. Then I tried lifting my head again slowly and I noticed the room was empty. I laid my head back down and all we had done the night before came to mind. WOW! That had been one very very good night. I would barely be able to walk, my whole body was aching but I didn't care, it was a good aching. I was smiling like a fool and shook my head at myself for acting like that. I knew better. Ten minutes had passed and still no John so I decided that I'd better look for him. Might have lost himself in the bathroom or something, I laughed. I rubbed my eyes and yawned before getting up and going to the bathroom. No John. I went to check the rest of the suite. No John. Shit! Oh Shit! No! This wasn't happening!
Wake up, Lance! You were just a fuck... meaningless... pathetic...
...Next morning I thought I was happy... But it was just an extraordinarily good hang-over... Hotel-room empty... Got dressed... Hit the streets... Sunglasses... Unsteady legs...
I just had to get out of that motel and find a cab that would take me to the hotel I was staying.
Wrong. Apparently I was almost in the middle of nowhere and I had to walk a few blocks till I found any civilization. Serves me right for not paying attention to where a complete stranger is taking me. A very handsome, sexy and amazingly good in bed stranger, that's true, but still, not something very bright, mainly when you're in a foreign city. Foreign country for that matter.
The few blocks became many blocks but I didn't mind, It felt actually good to have some time to think, to remember. Yes, he might have left me, but it still was a damn good fuck.
I was walking by a news-stand and something caught my eyes. It was John. On the front page of every tabloid and magazine. Coming closer, I noticed that his face wasn't the only thing on the front page. I was there too. Naked.
...My blurred eyes caught sight of the headlines... Headlines... My name... My face... My sad naked body... A polaroid taken last night...
That smile. I had fallen for it and now he was using the same smile to tell everyone about his night. My night. He had fucked me. Bravo for him...
...He was smiling... Being interviewed about the details... Fucking the star...
I slowly took one paper and read bits and pieces. And suddenly I couldn't breath...
...He said... I wanna know the streets he walks... I wanna know his dreams... I wanna know the limit of his sky... I wanna give him everything... I wanna heal his soul... I wanna be the muscel in his life... I wanna know the streets he walks... I wanna know his dreams... I wanna know the limit of his sky...
Where the hell was I? I had no clue. And it seemed that anywhere I looked, people were looking at me, judging me. They had seen me. Everyone had seen me. Everyone knew about me. I was the newest fairy singer.
...I wanna give you everything... I wanna heal your soul... I wanna be the muscel in your life...
"Screw you!" I hissed at the paper before throwing it to the ground. Disgusted. Hurt. Embarrassed. Vulnerable. Lost.
...I said... Starfucker, get out of my face... Starfucker, get out of my face...
"Lance! Lance! Where the hell were you? Management wants to talk t-"
"Not now, Justin. Please" I pleaded softly as I entered my room. My empty room...
...Somebody invaded my space... Abandoned me...
"He Came Into My Dressing-Room" was written by R. Lund and is copyright 2001 Regina Says
(Author's note: I took liberty to change part of the last verses so it would fit my story. If anyone feels harmed in any way, shape or form, contact me and we'll deal with it. If you want the right lyrics to the song, contact me and I'll gladly send them to you)