Soulmating

=DISCLAIMER= This story is meant to imply nothing about the sexuality of the real people involved. Anything mentioned from this point on is purely fictional and not meant in any way but the highest regard.

The lyrics used within are not meant to imply anything about the individual preferences, practices, or lifestyle choices any of the musical artists mentioned. The lyrics are not used for any personal monetary profit...

If you have any objections to my writing, then why in the name of Jesus are you reading this? I know some of you might like Hanson but I don't buy the whole "I didn't know it was a GAY STORY!" defense. So shut up and don't send me any more hate mail you stupid, obesessed little Christian girls.

Comments, Suggestions, and Criticisms can be sent to saboteur_98155@yahoo.com

I can be reached on ICQ at 70639912... Or on AIM at Reid00005992...

Since this is the last chapter, I'd just like to thank everyone who sent me feedback and/or read this story at my encouragement. Thanks to Tony, Brandon, Meg, Chelly, Kris, Christie, Eric, Joanna, Neal, Richard, Loren, Cat, JD, Mel, Ian, Al, and Stonfan316@aol.com

I'd also like to thank all the previous gay Hanson fan fiction authors for their work in making this genre so much fun. I've always tried to be unqiue but they have influenced me and I owe them a debt of gratitude for all their work. Without their stories, mine would have remained yet another freaky dream. Thank you to Dean, Jax, Tony, Aaron and any other authors that my newly sober brain can't seem to remember currently.

When I started this story, I didn't think about dedicating it to anyone but after thinking about it, I've decided to. I'm dedicating this story to the two people who have affected my life in the biggest way I can imagine. One gave me the greatest gift I could ever ask for and the other has provided me with the most incredible miracle that any human behing can experience.

This story is dedicated to Maria and Samuel. It's my hope that this won't be the biggest thing I will ever be able to accomplish and dedicate to them. But it is something I'm tremendously proud of and if nothing else, this will at least be something I've done for them.

Enjoy!

|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| || The Compound- Chapter 12 - "The End" || || By Reid || ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

=Epilogue...=

Can you see me...

In the cold... in the rain...

Can't you see, that I'm in so much pain?

I've been thinking about what you said...

Nothing else is on my mind...

All I want is you... you're all I need...

"Tay, that blows." Zac said boldly and stopped drumming to take a sip of Mountain Dew.

"Yeah, Tay. It seriously does." Isaac sighed and tuned his guitar.

"Well, what the hell have you guys written? I sure as shit don't see anything."

The band had been practicing all day, trying to come up with at least one new song that they could call done, but it wasn't happening. Frustration was beginning to gnaw at the three brothers and the pressure of song writing was beginning to cause petty bickering and squabbling. A rainstorm had hit Tulsa hard and the downpour hadn't let up all weekend. The fun of having to spend nearly three funfilled days in the company of each other non-stop was made much less fun by the cabin fever attitude and their record label's insistence that they get to work on a new album.

"OK, let's try it again." Taylor said, stretching and rubbing his beck behind the keyboard.

Isaac groaned and set down his guitar, "No. I'm outta here. You can practice all you want."

"Yeah, fine. Bye Ike." Taylor said and fell back into one of the beanbag chairs.

"Don't start that, Tay. I've been here all damn weekend."

"Yeah, and all damn weekend we haven't written any damn songs. We need to come up with something."

"Why don't you write one yourself? You're the prodigy, after all."

"I didn't mean it like that." Taylor sighed and rubbed his eyes wearily.

"Whatever. You don't shy away from it." Ike snapped.

"I'm sorry, Ike. Let's just chill out for a while."

"No! I've been here with you two constantly for the whole weekend, I'd rather be out there in the rain than spend another minute in here." And just like that, with a slam of the door, he was gone.

The room was filled with a tense silence as Taylor rubbed his eyes again and sighed defeatedly, staring at the ceiling. Zac sat and twirled one of his drumsticks absentmindedly as he waited for something to be said. The tension in the band was getting to be too much, especially with their highly touted Grammy appearance in only a week plus the pressure to come up with new material for the album. Then there was the other thing. Neither Zac nor Taylor had been able to really talk since that night about a week ago that Zac had come out and admitted that he was gay.

It had set off a chain reaction inside Taylor that he was only partially able to understand. Hearing Zac say those words had made him realize so many different things in such a short amount of time that it was almost too much. He had tried to deny what he'd heard and gone to great lengths to try and talk Zac out of it, but there really was no way to do so and he knew it. His desire to convince Zac otherwise was fueled mainly by fears that if anyone found out... ugh, just the thought of it was too ugly to even consider.

Then came the realization that he felt the same way. He was gay too. All the concerts where his eyes had found that one guy fan in the audience, probably the same guys Zac had looked at, all those times he'd wanted so badly to talk to the older brother or cousin at the meet and greets... in the back of his mind, he'd wanted to really talk to them. Maybe they would feel the same way and it would lead to sweaty, slightly worn out cuddling later that night. But, regardless of being teen heartthrob Taylor Hanson, he'd chickened out every time and ended up beating off every night to the mental image he'd saved. The notion that he could have "any guy he wanted" didn't appeal to him. He didn't want just any guy... he wanted a soulmate.

"What are we gonna do?" Zac asked, pulling the tie out of his hair.

"I don't know, Zac. I'm sick of this."

"No shit." Zac said and slumped down next to him on the large beanbag chair, "When did it stop being fun?"

"When we got booed at the World Series."

They both knew it was true. It wasn't like it all came as a surprise considering how hard they'd been squeezed over the past few years. Why should they even be expected to pretend they were still in it for their love of music? It was clear to anyone with an IQ over forty that all the appearances on TRL and autograph signings weren't being done because Hanson wanted to project that they loved music. It was all about money. Anyone who didn't understand that really didn't understand the world. No amount of homeschooling could have kept that realization away forever and when it finally hit, it wasn't painful. The scariest thing about it was that when they realized, it was more like they were surprised it hadn't come sooner.

"I can't do this anymore, Tay." Zac said and rolled one of the drumsticks between his fingers.

"What do you mean?"

"I can't lie anymore. If I keep lying, I'm gonna go crazy."

"Zac... what are you talking about?"

"I'm going to come out. To the world."

Taylor was stunned, "Zac... you can't do that."

"Yes... I have to, Tay. I've lied for too long and it's starting to hurt me."

What the hell was he supposed to say? There was no damn way that he could let his little brother get carted off to some ungodly tomb filled with rapists and pedophiles. He couldn't let it happen.

"Zac..." He flailed for words, "No. You're not going to."

"I have to. I can't pretend anymore."

Taylor stood up quickly and held his throbbing temples, "Zac, you don't know what's going to happen if you come out of the closet."

"No, I may not. But I do know what will happen if I try and lie to myself and stay inside it!" Zac said and he wasn't appreciating Taylor's attitude.

"Zac... if you come out, you get shipped off to one of those places, and you'll probably get raped. There are probably thousands of big, nasty, psycho guys who would love to get their hands on you. You wouldn't make it an hour before they'd have you bent over and screaming for your life. Do you want that?!"

Zac flinched at the harsh words. In his whole life, Tay had never yelled at him like this. He said softly, "We don't know that. I read an article in the paper about--"

"Screw those fucking articles! Zac, you don't know what it's like! They probably torture guys like us. They'll probably make you live in a prison cell and feed you rotten meat and piss on you. You can't do this... it isn't worth it."

"I don't care, Tay. I don't care anymore. I can't lie anymore. You can say all that about what it might be like but you don't know for sure. You don't know for sure what it's like in there. But I know for sure what it's like out here and I can't live in it anymore. I'd rather take my chances by going into one of the compounds than stay on the outside and live in some fucking Nazi society where we can't be who we are."

"My head is going to explode." Taylor said and leaned against the wall.

All at once, he was both scared and proud of Zac's maturity. There was no way that this kid was sounding so grown up and in tune with the world. This wasn't Zac. At least it wasn't the Zac that he was used to. This was some ultra-mature, grown up, Super Zac that was suddenly thinking for himself. But even the pride couldn't help Taylor feeling like he had just swallowed about ten ice cubes and gotten punched right in the stomach. Punched right in the stomach by something he should have seen coming. He should have known that Zac wouldn't be able to keep inside... he should have known that Zac couldn't hide himself. They had asked him to do it for far too long and this was one thing, one really big thing that couldn't be hidden anymore.

"It's something I have to do." Zac said, staring at the ceiling.

Taylor didn't say anything. Zac looked up and watched as he slid down the wall and sat on the floor. The only noise was the sound of the rain pounding on the roof as Zac silently studied his hand, afraid to look Taylor in the eye. Some invisible barrier had been breached between them and it was obvious that it couldn't be repaired. Taylor felt like he had swallowed several dozen ice cubes and the realization that he couldn't change Zac's mind had begun to set in. All he felt was fear... he was scared for Zac.

"And there's nothing I can do?" Taylor asked without opening his eyes.

"I'm sorry." Zac said, "But I can't hide it anymore."

=T-Minus 22 hours and counting...=

The hotel room was silent.

"Tay?" Zac whispered, gently tugging at the exposed sheet at the foot of the bed.

There was no answer for several seconds so Zac tugged again, finally getting an unhappy groan in response from the head of the bed. Taylor tried to go back to sleep but Zac kept yanking on the sheet until it was pretty clear that there would be no sleep tonight. It wasn't like he was going to get anything more than a few cat naps considering what he knew would happen in such an heartbreakingly short time. Taylor pushed the stiff hotel sheets down from his face and rubbed his eyes before clearing his throat.

"What, Zac?"

"I need to talk."

"What time is it?" Taylor said, trying to focus his eyes in the darkness of the hotel room.

"1:00 am." Zac said softly after checking his watch.

"God Zac... haven't we talked enough?"

"No... I need to know that you're not gonna hate me."

The petrified tone in Zac's voice made the big brother inside Taylor thud painfully. The lump came back to his throat and he swallowed hard to get rid of it and braced himself for the conversation that was coming. What was he supposed to say? How was he supposed to reassure Zac?

"I'm not going to hate you, Zac. I don't want you to do this."

"Can you try and understand how I feel?" Zac said softly and rolled over on his back, "I understand that you can hold it in but I can't. It's not who I am. No amount of threatening or worrying or not knowing what's gonna happen is gonna make me be able to hold it in. If I try to hold it in, I'm gonna start cutting myself or burning myself because I can't do it. I can't not be me for any longer."

Taylor sat up and looked down at the dark form in the rollaway bed, "Zac... I do know how you feel. I know how you feel because I'm the same way. Why can't knowing that I know how you feel and that I'm going through the same stuff help?"

"We aren't the same way!" Zac said, not bothering to control his voice anymore, "We are not the same way. When mom and dad find out about me, they'll react really different than when they find out about you. You're Taylor... their angelic seventeen year old, brooding, musically gifted, universally adored porcelain doll middle child. I'm just Zac, the hyper, weird looking, goofy comic relief little brother. You don't know what it's like for me to have to keep up that act and at the same time have to hide that I'm gay. You can be yourself because it's who you've always been. I changed, Taylor!"

"Zac, keep your voice down."

"No! I've wanted to say this for a long damn time. I changed... I grew up and they wouldn't let me show it. They told me to be the same Zac that all the fans grew to know and love. But I'm not like that anymore. I had to pretend because if I acted like myself, they said it could take the spotlight off you. When the world finds out that you're gay, they'll accept it. When they find out that I'm gay, they'll suddenly see that I'm not as handsome or talented as my older brother. All of a sudden, people will either forget about me or think that I'm just a ugly, gay freak."

Taylor didn't say anything. He just listened as Zac vented.

"You don't know how I feel. It's not that I'm jealous because I don't care if you make all the little girls scream. I don't like that because of you, I couldn't be who I am. And I'm not going to let it hurt me anymore because I can't. It's hurting me so bad that I can't hold it in anymore."

"Zac... I didn't know..."

Zac was speechless. He sat up on the edge of the bed, "How could you not know? Are you totally blind?!"

It was Taylor's turn to flinch, "I didn't know it was this hard for you."

"Of course you didn't know. No one knew. You all assumed that I was just coasting along in my own little world and you never thought that I might be hurting. Because I wasn't running around acting like Richard Simmons on crack, you thought everything was OK and you just figured that I was 'tired'. Right?"

Taylor didn't say anything... he knew Zac was right.

"I almost did it, Tay."

"Did what?"

"While we were in Detroit, I had about ten Valiums in my mouth and I almost took them all. That's how bad it was for me. And if I'm don't start being true to myself, then it's going to get even worse and I might not even bother with pills. I'll go buy a gun and blow my head off."

The thought made Taylor's stomach hurt excruciatingly, "Zac... please..."

"It's true. You may be able to hide it but I can't. I can't hide it anymore, Tay. If it means getting tossed into a compound, then it's what is gonna have to happen to me. Nothing that you've threatened me with, nothing that mom and dad said to me, nothing that Ike said is going to make it OK. The hurt that it gives me to have to hide is too much. And if you can't support me, then I'm going in there alone and if you want me to be alone, then that's fine. I don't care anymore...

=T-Minus 11 hours and counting...=

"You still gonna do it?"

"Stop."

"I'm just making sure."

"Tay... please..."

"No, it's all right. If you want to go get raped by a bunch of psychos, then it's fine with me. Just don't act like I didn't try and warn you or anything."

"Don't be like this."

"I've accepted that you're going to screw yourself over. I hope you have fun, Zac."

"I'm sorry..."

"You are pretty sorry, Zac. You're right on with that."

"Tay..."

"Oh boo hoo... you better save that crying for when they've got your face shoved in some guys shit covered ass."

"Oh god... please don't say that..."

"I'm just being honest, Zac. Isn't that what you're all about? Honesty?"

"Please stop..."

"Hey, if you're mature enough to handle getting your dumb ass tossed into a compound, you can handle hearing what it's gonna be like. Hey, who's bitch do you think you're gonna be, Zac? Some guy named Dutch with a tattoo on his dick that says 'the virgin surgeon'? What do you think?"

"Oh fuck..."

"That's right, Zac. Doesn't sound so good, does it?! They're gonna love you. You'll suck piss off the feet of guys who haven't showered in months. You'll get gang-banged in the showers and you'll wear lipstick and get your front teeth knocked out! How much fun does that sound? But... of course, Zac Hanson has to be honest and that's just fine."

"Tay, it's not like that."

"Yes, it is. And you're gonna be in it if you don't get a god damned hold of yourself."

"I can't hold it in..."

"Then get ready to be some nasty guy's bitch, Zac. Maybe we should cut your hair now so they won't have anything to rub their shit and cum in."

"No..."

"Fine, suit yourself. I'm gonna go to soundcheck. You can sit here and think about what it's gonna be like for mom. And Mac... think about how he's gonna feel. Think about dad... think about Ike... but don't think about me. Don't think about me when you get in there... don't bring me in there with you...

=T-Minus 1 hour and counting...=

"We can probably make it back to our seats before they're back from the commercial. That's what Chris says, at least. The Wallflowers are gonna be up next."

"Great."

"Zac... are you OK?"

"No, I'm not."

"You and Tay have been giving each other looks all night. What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Zac... what's wrong?"

"Nothing..."

"Uh oh... it must be big if it does this to you. Did you and Tay have a fight?"

"Yeah."

"What was it about?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"Because you'll get mad and you'll be ashamed of me."

"Zac..."

"Ike... I can't anymore... I have to..."

"Ohhhh... ok."

"Please don't be mad."

"Is this what you have to do?"

"It's either do this or I'm gonna die."

"Ah..."

"Don't hate me..."

"I could never hate you, Zac. Just promise me that you'll meet a really great guy."

"Tay says... he says that it's like a prison..."

"He's just scared for you. The compounds are all right places."

"Make sure that he's OK... please."

"I'll take care of everyone. You just worry about you."

"Make sure dad doesn't hate me."

"He won't, Zac. Mom would beat him if he did."

"Thank you, Ike..."

"Hey, you guys. It's time to go. Taylor's in his seat."

"Come on Zac... its going to be fine...

=T-Minus 10...9...8...7...=

The whole room felt like it was filled with helium.

The whole damn theater was filled with helium and it was all pressing down on his head. Between deep, shaky breaths, Zac wiped his palms on his pants, leaving damp handprints on the crinkly gray fabric. His stomach fluttered and he felt like he was going to hurl all over himself. That would be a great picture for MTV News: the now openly gay Zac Hanson barfs all over himself right before getting shipped off to a compound. What an image. That would get him all the sympathy in the world from the droves of former fans that would scream and run away from him when the notion of his heterosexuality and after that, access to his brother Taylor would finally be stamped out once and for all. They would just see him as the longhaired, potbellied, weird looking drum-pounding fag who, thank God, hadn't infected his brother.

Not like he needed them, anyway. They could go cream over Tay all they wanted... it wasn't like he cared what they thought. Although it did hurt more than he liked to admit when he would log on to the computer and read the hanson.net posts titled "Zac needs a diet!" and how he had to read about Taylor being hot and him being "cute". Sure, he had some meat on his bones and he wasn't the metabolistic wonder that Tay was, but that didn't mean that he was some sort of crappy runner up prize. Even on the occasions that he ventured into the gay Hanson sites, all they talked about was Taylor. Taylor's sweet ass-this and Taylor's huge cock-that. It was enough to make him feel defeated. And with his luck, he'd probably get a roommate who had pictures of Tay all over the wall with dried cum stains across the face.

"Last chance." Taylor elbowed him in the side and hissed softly.

Zac closed his eyes and bit his lower lip, bracing himself and holding out against the tears that wanted so badly to roll down his cheeks. They were announcing the nominees for best song of the year... in the back of his head, he heard Creed... Third Eye Blind... Lauryn Hill... David Gray... and some band named Hanson. The song accompanied the names... Arms Wide Open... Deep Inside of You... X-Factor... Babylon...

If I'm gone when you wake up...

Please don't cry...

Zac's heart ached.

If I'm gone when you wake up...

It's not goodbye...

It might be. Zac's hands began to shake as he heard the presenter... the guy who won the last Academy Award... the guy from Felicity... read the nominees. Out of the corner of his eye, he looked at Tay. And Tay looked away from him. He knew the world was watching. They both knew and they knew it all too well. Zac knew that they all would see him and Taylor knew that they all would see him too but he was more worried about who else would see Zac... very soon.

"And the winner is..."

Zac closed his eyes again and clenched his jaw and somehow, he was aware of the rush of applause around him. He felt Ike stand up and his legs felt like they were carrying him somewhere. The lights were blinding him and he knew they must have been catching the tear that was running down his cheek. He saw himself shaking hands with the presenter and he also saw the woman... the woman who had carried the statue to the podium... looking at him, and she was concerned. But to her, it was just emotion after being rewarded after so long.

He stood behind Ike and Tay like the good little brother he was. If anyone deserved to make the speech, it was Ike. It was the big brother who had constantly been called names and insulted. If everyone else on earth were like him, we wouldn't need prisons. But then again, we'd all be hopeless romantics and cheesy joke makers who were wonderful role models who took care of the people they loved and always knew what was going on...

Tay still wouldn't look at him. Then, in a flash, all eyes were upon Zac as they were ready for his wild and unhinged celebratory comment that would appear in mp3 form on websites across the country. The one comment that would be chuckled at by Carson Daly and giggled at by Serena Altschul and would appear on the year-end special hosted by Jim Carrey's pal Chris Connelly. They need one comment... one little quote... one little soundbyte... just one thing that would make them secure in knowing that Zac Hanson was still there and still MMMBopping his way to a job as an infomerical host.

He saw himself step up to the microphone and he heard the audience go "awww!" when he wiped his eyes. Zac took a deep breath and for some odd, kooky reason... he could have sworn he felt a ray of light on his face. They're waiting, Zachary... you have to entertain them... one... last... time...

"I'm gay." Zac said calmly, his words echoing off the walls, "I'm gay and I won't hide anymore."

For a second, there was silence. He looked back over his shoulder and saw Tay with his eyes closed, slumping against Ike who looked back... and winked, giving him strength. The silence seemed to last for an eternity as Zac stepped back from the podium and turned towards exit stage right where to blue uniformed agents were waiting. He could only assume that they were there to round him up... they were at every awards ceremony or live broadcast where an unfortunate, honest soul wanted to stop the lies.

I did it, Zac thought as he walked slowly towards the exit. In no real rush... just walking slowly and not looking back. He was in his own little weird ProZac world but somewhere, he heard the sound of one person standing up and clapping as he left. Then another pair of hands joined in... and soon everyone was applauding. It was the single maturest moment of his life thus far. The applause continued as Zac walked up to the agents and looked up at them through his blurry eyes.

The one on the right... the taller one... put her hand on his shoulder and gently led him through the backstage area. It felt like he was floating again and as they walked, he saw faces... some he recognized... some he didn't. Some looked at him with disgust... while others looked at him with an incredible admiration. His feet clunked against the floor and soon they were walking slowly through the back hallway, no words being said. At that moment, it sunk in that he would not see his parents again for a long time. Or his brothers... or his sisters... Mackie would have to grow up and take his place in the band after all. Zoe would have to learn how to burp on command from Avie... Jessica would have to learn more smartass comebacks from Taylor... they would have to do without him...

=Farewell...=

"All right... this way, Zac."

"OK."

"Preston, bring the car around here."

"ZAC!"

"Huh? Tay!"

"Zac... I'm sorry..."

"Tay, it's OK. I'm the one who's sorry."

"No no... don't... Zac, I was really horrible... I'm so sorry..."

"Tay, you're right. I just had to do it."

"I know you did, Zac. I'm so sorry I tried to make you feel bad about it... please don't think I hate you because I don't..."

"Don't hate me... please..."

"Zac, I won't hate you. If you want to think of me then I want you to. I love you, Zac. Please think of me if you want to."

"Tay... please don't be ashamed..."

"I'm not ashamed, Zac. I'm proud of you. You're gonna be who you are and that's cool with me. I hope you forgive me for not wanting you to be who you are..."

"Step away, sir. We have to leave."

"Please... don't take him yet..."

"Step away, sir."

"Tay... make sure mom and dad are OK. And make sure that Mac isn't too sad."

"Zac... It's not too late. I should go--"

"No! Stay with them until they're OK..."

"Let go of him, sir."

"He's my brother, god damn it!"

"Let go of him, sir, or we'll have you arrested and detained."

"You better go, Tay... remember, make sure everyone is OK."

"I love you Zac... don't forget that..."

"I love you too, Tay. Please make sure Mac is OK."

"I will... I promise, Zac."

"Uh oh..."

"Sir, you'll be interrogated about this. Any oral co-stimulation between members of the same sex is grounds."

"He's my brother! I may never see him again!"

"Get in the car, Zac!"

"Tay! Remember what I said... make sure they're OK...

=Present...=

There are exactly 50,449 little holes in the ceiling in my room, Zac thought to himself. His eyes had begun to zone out as he stared up at the ceiling tiles, counting how many were in a row and then multiplying it by itself and multiplying that by the number of tiles in the ceiling altogether. It wasn't what you'd call mental superpowers but it was enough to keep him from thinking about certain stuff. And at that point, there was certain stuff that he couldn't handle thinking about.

When his head began to throb, Zac turned his attention elsewhere. Looking up at the ceiling and counting the holes/lines/whatever had always been good to kill time before a show or during a car ride, but it just didn't work. Everytime he looked at the ceiling, his eyes trailed over to the one tile... the tile that had been jimmied out of the ceiling. The tile that slid sideways and allowed them access to the crawlspace that had saved their lives. And after that... it made him nearly go crazy just to think about it. He didn't even want to think about how he left Reid to quite possibly die... but he couldn't think about it.

How many hours had passed since he'd woken up? It was the day after Dr. Kelmo had nearly browbeaten him into trudging back to the room for some real sleep. After he'd gotten back and gotten over the chilling shiver from walking through their new, non-lunatic ruined door, the bed had seemed to come up off the floor and catch him. It didn't take him five minutes to collapse into a deep, heavy sleep. A sleep that had been riddled with dreams of knives and dark hallways reaching out and tearing Reid away from him. Every dream had started out so nicely but ended with Zac falling around, disoriented, looking for Reid and finding nothing but hideous pools of blood.

The only thing he could think about when he was awake was how he'd had to leave Reid. He'd left Reid curled up on that bench to nearly be killed by that psycho. After he'd collapsed in the security station, several nurses had taken him to a makeshift infirmary and treated him for exhaustion. The whole time, he moaned weakly with worry and fear because no one knew what had happened to Reid. They gave him some sort of relaxant that did nothing but send him into a limp, half-awake stupor that magnified the worry. After some amount of time, Taylor was brought in and hugged him and kissed him with an almost embarrassing level of affection.

Then Dr. Rios came in and told him about Reid. About how the knife was so unclean and the cut was so jagged that he'd lost a "worrisome" amount of blood and had just narrowly missed any serious blood poisoning. All their "positive words" didn't make Zac feel any better. As soon as he could sit up, Zac tried to get up from the cot but the strained muscles in his legs gave out and he collapsed onto the floor. It took a few hours, but he'd managed to limp down to the infirmary and he saw Reid. He saw him... his husband... pale and motionless in the white bed... the gown they'd found so kinky was now the only thing covering him... and his hands... that didn't even know how to hold anymore.

He'd stayed at Reid's bedside for the first day before the doctor sent him back to the room. And that was where he laid. Naked... naked except for his gold necklace and gold ring. Naked, only covered by a flimsy white bedsheet that clung to his body. When the lights came on, Zac didn't even complain in his usual manner. Nothing felt like it was worth complaining about anymore. Nothing felt like it was worth anything anymore. Nothing would feel like anything unless Reid woke up.

Just the thought made Zac feel tight inside himself. His stomach clenched and he felt a sour sense of grief deep inside himself every time Reid entered his mind. But that was almost constantly. Everything reminded him of Reid... everything was some reminder of their love... and the ring on his finger didn't help. But he just couldn't take the ring or the necklace off. No matter how much painful memory it caused, he couldn't take them off because it would be giving up. He owed Reid. He owed his life to Reid and there was no way he could just give up.

=4:15pm. One hour and forty-five minutes until all are expected for dinner=

Thank you, Zac thought as he pushed the sheet back and stood up on the cool tile floor. Usually, walking around buck-naked and swinging in the breeze was a sure-fire erection but... no. Erections didn't matter because there was no one there to help him appreciate it and enjoy the bone to it's fullest. He could feel cool drops of sweat sliding down between his shoulder blades as he slowly plodded over into the bathroom. The bathroom... site of their morning after shower blowjob... and their upright love session...

"This sucks." Zac said and mopped his forehead with a cool, damp washcloth.

What was he supposed to do? Zac was pretty damn interested in what God thought he was supposed to do his situation. You give me Reid but now you're gonna take him away. That's really nice. That's really a nice thing to do to someone who was nice to people and tried to make the world a better place. If it's some sort of punishment for Reid, then you're pretty damn ignorant because if anyone deserves to not be punished, it's Reid. If he did some bad thing that he didn't know about, you punished him enough with his childhood. All we did was love each other. He didn't hurt me and I'm pretty sire I didn't hurt him. We just wanted someone to love and we found each other. Why is that punishable?

Zac sighed and dropped the washcloth back in the sink. There wasn't much else for him to do in the room. He hadn't so much as thought about resuming his game of Zelda and earlier that morning, he'd stroked himself to a stressful climax that was nothing more than to relieve the dull, swollen ache in his testicles. It had done it's job but it had also been a reminder and just like some loony basketcase, Zac had curled into a naked, sticky ball, held himself, and sobbed until the raw sting went away. But it had done its job and it allowed him to fall asleep for long enough that he could get something resembling rest.

Nothing to do here, he thought and slowly walked over to the dresser and pulled out a clean outfit. The air conditioning had been repaired and the coolness of the room made his nipples stand up. Any other time and he would have had to jerk off just from the sensation but this wasn't any other time. He dressed sluggishly, pulling on the shorts and then the T-shirt before pulling his hair into a scruffy ponytail. Something inside him wouldn't cry... he didn't have any more tears. So he continued to dress himself, following the shorts with the socks and shoes.

There was still a dull burning ache in his shoulder blades, which refused to go away. Dr. Rios had said that he only suffered a minor case of muscular exhaustion. But there was nothing minor in the fear Zac felt when he could barely move. He was strapped to a damn cot and he couldn't move... he couldn't help Reid. It was torture. The constant ache in his shoulders was another unnecessary reminder of what had happened. Zac didn't need to hear about how much of a hero Reid was or how much of a hero he was for saving Reid or how it wasn't either of their faults or how it was an accident... he had plenty of reminders, thank you very much.

Then came the cards... the letters of sympathy... from the compound and from the world, those who had heard about Reid and wanted to express their support. But their support was only a reminder. It seemed like the only person who didn't remind him was Tay. When Zac had to leave the infirmary to puke in the courtyard garbage can after seeing Reid for the first time, Tay had followed him and hugged him. They forgot about being brothers and not being allowed to hug... and Zac had melted into his arms and sobbed. Just wordless sobs of angst. And Tay had taken it like a pro, stroking his little brother's hair and rocking him back and forth slightly. It was right then that Zac realized that when his mom had told him that he was blessed for having siblings, she was right. Zac thanked God that Taylor had been born with the same gift and had been there right then to hold him.

"Are you gonna kiss me now?" Zac whispered, quoting what he had said to Taylor at that moment.

Tay had smiled slightly and gently pressed his lips to Zac's forehead... a soothing, calm kiss of brotherly love. It did so much but so little at the same time. It didn't pull Reid back out from the shock induced coma and it didn't make everything OK. He appreciated the hugging and the kiss but it just didn't make it all OK. In a way, it only made him hurt more because there was a chance Reid would never kiss him again. Their rainy, dirty, nasty kiss in that strange courtyard might be the last kiss that he and Reid ever shared together. And it wasn't fair.

His hands shook as he tied his shoes, letting his right foot smack the floor heavily. Kaboom, he thought and smiled a little. A few short breaths didn't do much but it helped him gain enough inner-strength to get up off the bed and over to the door. For a second, he dreaded having to go out and see everyone looking at him with that mix of pity and awe at the boy who had been up in the air vents. He wasn't "Zac Hanson drummer boy", anymore. He was "Zac Hanson, the survivor". Yet another label he could stick to the ones that said "hyper", "fat", "rude", "cute", and all the others and made one big piece of paper he could wipe his ass with.

There really weren't too many people in the hallways. Or at least, none that he noticed as he shuffled down to the underground monorail. The line was non-existent at that time of day and if nothing, Zac was thankful for that. He wouldn't have to deal with other guys being quite ungracious about admiring the front of his shorts. The car he'd chosen was deserted. Zac took his usual seat at the end window and looked out into the dark, dimly lit tunnel. He and Reid rode in the shuttle on occasion and Zac had always wondered what it would be like to see someone creeping around out on the track.

It kind of reminded him of the "Weird" video. When they walked through the crowded subway car and encountered all the people. Carson Daly had called them "freaks". And then they swam around in the water and of course, Taylor was front and center. It was a big budget video for a big budget band. Zac smiled and chuckled to himself as he thought about how fickle being a big budget band really was. You think you're great and then all of a sudden, they call you MMMFlop. But then again, can you blame them? After all, we all do get a little bit weird... sometimes.

The monorail jerked into motion and the trip to the A sector infirmary would take about 15 minutes. Or that's what the automated voice said over the speaker system. The soft female words bounced off the inside of the car. Safety instructions... what to do if the power failed... emergency exits... it was all covered. Taken care of by the mysterious Mrs. Speaker who lived in the far away confines of the compound automation system. Zac wondered what she looked like quite a bit. Was she young? Old? Big or small... bitchy or nice. She was the mystery voice that doled out instructions and helpful time reminders.

It seemed like the one good thing about the monorail was that when it traveled; it was a smooth, almost tranquil ride. Zac sighed and let his head rest back against the padded wall of the rear window space. His leg stretched out on the cushion and the soft, puffy vinyl felt cool against his bare calf... and the car rocked gently... until...

"Zac..."

"Huh?!" Zac's head jerked up and he looked towards the source of the sudden voice.

"Zac..."

There was the voice but no one was in the car. This can't be happening, Zac thought and he rubbed his eyes. I'm going crazy with worry... that's all this is. All of a sudden, the lights in the car went out at the monorail stopped suddenly, throwing Zac to the ground and causing him to painfully hit his elbow against the floor. He leaned against the wall of the car and rubbed his elbow, looking around in the near blackness. This shit was not cool, he thought, this is not fucking cool.

"Zaaaac...." The voice said again, sounding wistful and far away.

The backup lights came on in the monorail, bathing the car in a deep red light. Zac looked around, frightened by the suddenness of the change in environment and the dead silence inside the car was not helping one bit. He tentatively walked forward, and it felt like walking a tightrope. The only thing he could hear was the sound of his own heart pounding, bouncing off him and reverberating off the inner steel walls of the monorail car. Because of the red light, he couldn't see out into the tunnel and for several very real reasons, he was glad he couldn't.

"Zaaachaaaary...."

The voice came back, but it was closer.

"Hello?" Zac called, his voice nearly cracking.

"I have a surprise for yooooou..."

"Oh shit..." Zac said and his mind thought back to every horror movie he'd ever seen.

The car jerked again, from side to side, and Zac's eyes flew to the ceiling where it looked like the emergency exit door was being wrenched off at the hinges. From around the opening sides of the door, a thick red liquid was pouring into the car and the sight of it nearly made Zac vomit all over the floor. He backtracked from the door as more of the liquid dripped down and formed a large sickening puddle. The hot smell of it caught his nose and all Zac could do was turn his head and gag, surpressing the stomach fluid that was trying to find its way out.

This is it, Zac thought... this is it. I'm gonna die. Maybe I'll get to be with Reid again.

The emergency exit door came free with a screaming crunch of steel.

Zac smiled dreamily and waited...

Through the serrated hole, what looked like several hundred gallons of the red fluid poured in and even as it surrounded his knees, Zac still smiled. Oh, I'm gonna drown, he thought, watch me pee myself with worry. The gush continued until Zac was waist deep in it. What the hell is this crap, he thought and splashed some of it away. The redness had begun to creep into the white fabric of his T-shirt and it brought up the repulsed feeling in his stomach. A few thick globs of it fell down and made gooey splashing sounds. The whole car was filled with it and--

Suddenly, Zac felt something grab his ankle and pull him down into the nasty red liquid. Whatever had him was strong as hell and it yanked in short, painful yanks that sent shockwaves of pain from his ankle all the way to his spine. When he tried to breath, it filled his mouth and made him choke until finally, he was able to grab onto one of the seats and pull his face above the surface. Zac tried to open his eyes but he was blinded by the thick redness and it stung his eyes... and the nasty taste against his tongue and the sensation of it going down his throat, was nearly unbearable as he spat it out, fighting against the grip on his ankle. The coughing and hacking bounced off the walls and disappeared into the flood, the only sign of life left in the car aside from the thick splashing and the droplets hitting the walls after they flew off his coated hair. His only thought was that he wasn't going to let himself die with a lungful of this red crap...

Then it let go... the grip let go and Zac frantically pulled himself back against the wall, struggling to wipe the fluid from his eyes and spit it out of his mouth. In the red light, he looked down and saw himself drenched... colored a dark red... and his hands began to shake again and the steam had risen and the windows in the car were fogged up. At last, his mouth and eyes were relatively cleansed of the stuff and he was able to see ahead of him.

The red fluid started to bubble as a round shape began to rise up from the middle of the car. Zac closed his eyes and looked down, not really wanting to see what it was but unable to look away. He felt the liquid begin to pull away from him as the round thing came up slowly... and then he realized... it was a skeleton. The skull pulled up out of the muck and gradually, the rest of it came up as well and the blood flowed off it like water on a weatherproofed deck. The bones gleamed in the red light and somewhere, Zac heard himself laughing softly at the sight. If I weren't scared shitless, this would be pretty damn cool, he thought.

From the black eye sockets in the skull, two white eyeballs rolled forward. Zac moaned and pushed back against the wall.

"Zac..." The jawbone moved and over the teeth flowed several black specked red rivulets.

"Oh fuck..." Zac said and felt himself gag.

"My son... died..."

Suddenly, the nausea was gone and Zac looked up, "Say what?"

"My son... died for you..."

"Your son..."

"Reid... died for you..."

"So your Reid's dad?" Zac asked and he felt his fists clench at his sides.

"Reid is dead... and I am glad..."

Zac stepped forward and his fear was gone, "You're Reid's father."

"Yes..."

"Is it true that you set Reid on fire?"

"Yes..."

Zac grabbed one of the support bars and with surprising ease, it gave way in his hands. He weighed it slowly and looked back at the skeleton, "Is it true that you locked Reid in a car trunk in the middle of a heatwave?"

"Yes... why do you have that bar?"

"Is it true that you made it impossible for Reid to trust?"

The skeleton didn't say anything. Zac felt himself begin to pant with anger.

"Is it true?!" Zac shouted.

The skeleton was silent for several more seconds. In the light, Zac could see that it was beginning to shake. He smiled to himself and lifted the bar in his hands, realizing that he had found the final piece of the puzzle. He whipped his head back and sent the soaked ponytail flying backwards and his heart began to race with a vindictive glory. It's time... it's time to bring my baby back.

"Is it true... that you're the only thing... holding onto him?" Zac whispered, stepping up and standing with one foot on the seats on both sides of the car. He looked into the skeleton's eyes. And he saw fear... he saw fear, god damn it. He saw that this pathetic piece of crap was the only thing keeping Reid away from him. And it made him angry.

"Is it true?" Zac repeated, feeling the red fluid cascade down his arms and legs. And down off the polished steel of the bar.

The skeleton's jawbone moved slightly... it quivered... and Zac saw a glistening tear roll down the cheekbone.

Awww, Zac thought, he's scared.

"You know... I might actually feel bad." He said and looked down.

He heard the skeleton stop shaking.

"I said... might."

Zac looked up and smiled before brining the steel bar around in a wide arc. The weight of the bar made it swing with it's own lethal momentum and it crashed into the shoulder bone, and the crack reverberated off the inside of the car. The right arm fell down into the red mess as Zac swung the bar again, smashing it deep into the sternum and shattering the rib bones. The jawbone fell down in a silent scream as Zac continued to destroy the bones, smashing them and separating them. The left arm and half of the chest bones rained down onto the red surface and sank down. Zac made no noise as he took apart the demon, save for a satisfied grunt everytime the bar crunched into the skeleton.

The bar swung easily and in the red light, Zac looked like a baseball player, connecting with a 90mph fastball over and over again. The rain of bones went on as soon there was nothing left but the spine sticking up with only the skull still intact. Zac took a deep breath and shook his head, sending droplets of sweat and red slime over the inside of the monorail car. What was left of the skeleton fell to its knees and the skull slowly fell back and looked up at him.

Zac looked down... and smiled...

The bar went up... and came back down right in the middle of the skull, smashing it into several large pieces. The two largest chunks fell sideways and sank down slowly... and the blood slurped softly as it covered the remnants of the spine and the skull fragments. They left only a few bubbles behind as Zac watched them sink... and felt the last links of the chain break free. His shoulders sagged and the bar slid out of his hands and fell down into the red moat. His head fell back triumphantly and he took a deep breath of the air... which didn't feel quite so warm and sickening... Zac?... and his stomach relaxed... Zac... and he felt himself falling... backwards...

Zac's body jerked against the hand on his shoulder and he let out a panicked yelp as he nearly fell off the padded seat. His eyes struggled against the light as he saw that the car wasn't filled with blood. There was no skeleton... there wasn't anything there. Except him. He wiped his forehead and mopped the sweat that had accumulated during the dream.

"Zac, are you OK?"

He looked up and saw that the voice was coming from an agent. Zac didn't recognize her and he didn't really care to try at that moment. She had her hand on his shoulder as he stumbled to his feet and wiped his eyes, trying to reconcile the dream. He staggered towards the exit of the car and the agent followed him.

"Are you OK, Zac?"

"Yeah... yeah, I'm fine. I just fell asleep. I'm fine."

Zac hurried out into the hallway of the A sector and into the green and white painted passageway. He went back to mopping forehead and cheeks as he went down the hall, not totally awake and recovered just yet but doing his best to get his feet on the ground. The brutality of the dream began to dawn on him and he shivered slightly as he walked, scared by the rage he displayed in the dream but not regretting it. Who knew that what people had figured was such a docile, harmless young kid could whip out a bar and smash the hell out of a skeleton? Pretty weird.

He couldn't help but smile as he turned corner and walked through the swinging blue doors of the infirmary. Zac put on his best "good boy" face as he went up to the desk and with very little begging, he was admitted inside. If he didn't keep his eyes down, he'd probably go crazy... even though the appendicitis had come out all right; Zac still wasn't much for hospitals. The sterility and coldness of the place just made his skin crawl. The knowledge that the most important person in his life was hanging on by a thread inside didn't really help either.

When he turned the corner and found the door to the room, he took a deep breath and prepared himself for the sight. His hand shook against the door and somehow, with some unseen strength, he pushed it open and walked slowly inside. Strangely enough, the first thing to catch his eye wasn't the bed... it was the large raggedy overstuffed couch against the wall. Zac smiled as he looked at Taylor and Jake both asleep at opposite ends of the couch. They had been spending quite a bit of time together, Zac had noticed. Tay looked so cute sprawled out with one leg draped over the arm of the couch and Jake had bent his leg, pulled his foot up and was resting his cheek against his knee.

From the sight of the couch, his eyes traveled to the bed and he felt himself begin to shake inside. Reid looked just like had looked the past day... pale and lifeless... stitched up under his left eye and on the bridge of his nose... from the knife... the dirty knife that had almost taken him away. It still might... take him away... Zac felt his lower lip shake and tears well up in his eyes.

"Zac..." Jake said sleepily, "Hey..."

"Hey Jake." Zac said and wiped his eyes hurriedly.

"You OK?" Jake yawned and stretched his leg a few times, getting rid of the pins and needles.

"Yeah... yeah, I'm cool." Zac said and sniffled, "He hasn't woken up yet."

Jake let his hands fall against his bare knees, "No. The doctors have been in and out but nothing has happened yet."

Zac didn't say anything as he slowly walked over and sat down in the padded chair next to the bed. He slowly cracked each of his knuckles and wrinkled his nose at the scent of the lemon disinfectant. Some secret part of him hoped that he'd walk in to find Reid awake and alert after what had happened in the dream. But it wasn't happening. Silently, Zac willed for God to realize that Reid was still needed quite badly on earth and he urged God to let go... but it wasn't happening. Surely God had seen Zac's dreamland heroics... surely he'd seen Zac single-handedly remove the last bad thing from Reid's soul... he had to see... he couldn't just ignore it. There was no way that God couldn't have seen him be such a studmuffin and save Reid from the final evil clutch of his demented father. It looked like God missed it... and it looked like God didn't see. It just didn't add up.

"Zac..." He heard Taylor say from behind him.

Zac didn't respond as he leaned forward with his forearms on his knees, looking at Reid's pale face. He could see out of the corner of his eye, Tay sitting up and rubbing his eyes, yawning slightly and reorienting himself with the surroundings. Jake was sitting silently, not saying anything and apparently, Tay got the hint and didn't say anything either. They just sat and made their presence available to Zac and it provided a very special kind of security.

"Reid told me about this." Zac said.

"Told you about what?" Jake asked.

"He told me about this security. This security that I'm feeling, and that I know you guys are feeling... it's the feeling that if nothing else, you're in the company of people who understand. You guys understand what I feel. We understand what each other feels here. We know what it's like to be so universally hated... we know the feeling of being scorned and shunned and told that we're evil. And we're here for each other. And we understand the love and how special... how unique that love is. The love that only comes..."

"When the rest of the world would rather see you dead." Jake said as he remembered.

"Hey Zac... do you want to be alone?" Tay asked as he stood up slowly.

"Yeah... I think I do."

"OK, cool. If you need anything, just buzz Keri and she'll let me know." Taylor said as he walked out of the room, still trying to get the blood flowing in his legs.

Jake followed him out of the room and after the door closed, they stood outside the door in a few seconds of perfectly comfortable silence. Taylor yawned and stretched his arms above his head and rolled his neck back and forth.

"I'll go find an empty bed," Jake said as he looked around and smoothed his hair, "I don't want to ride back on the shuttle all alone."

Taylor's eyes lit up, "Hey... I'll go back with you."

Jake smiled, "You sure?"

"Yeah..." Taylor felt the blood rushing to his cheeks, "Yeah. Are you tired?"

"Not really. I thought I'd just hang out and draw or something."

"Maybe we can keep each other company for a while?" Taylor said and his soul hinged on the answer.

"That would be very cool." Jake said and smiled.

=ThE VoiD=

REIDEL

Huh?

REIDEL

Yeah, that's my name too. I prefer Reid. Can you turn down the lights?

NO

All right, fine. Where am I?

YOU ARE IN THE VOID

The void... and that is where?

THIS IS YOUR JUDGEMENT DAY

Oh fantastic... let me guess what you're gonna say...

REID

No no... let me guess... You, Reid, are a dirty faggot who corrupted a minor. I damn thee to an eternal existence of being locked in a closet by your father and getting beaten with belts and bricks and curtain rods and corkscrews while demons disembowel Zac and tear him to shreds over and over in front of me. How's that? Is that it?

REID YOU ARE MISTAKEN

Yeah, I'll bet I am. You'll probably come up with something even worse. Am I going to have to watch Zac get raped over and over by the psycho? That's the worst hell I can imagine. Go for it... I don't care anymore! Send me to hell. I don't give a flying fuck.

REID YOU ARE MISTAKEN

I heard you the first time. So you know what... before you can launch into some bullshit sermon to send me to purgatory, you can just shut your mouth. I've seen the worst shit you can imagine so you don't scare me. If you hate me for being born and finding love, then you can so fuck yourself. If you can't handle that I fell in love and tried to live my life... to hell with you! You hear that?! TO HELL WITH YOU!

REID YOU ARE NOT GOING TO HELL

I'm not?

NO YOUVE DONE NOTHING THAT WOULD REQUIRE THAT

Then what did I do? What did I do to get sent here? What did I do to get taken away from Zac?

YOU WERE MURDERED IN COLD BLOOD

It sure felt like warm blood to me.

YOU WERE MURDERED AND TAKEN BEFORE YOUR TIME

So what does that mean?

IT MEANS IM SENDING YOU BACK

Really?

YOU ARE GOING BACK IT WAS NOT YOUR TIME

So I get to be with Zac again?

YES YOU MUST TAKE CARE OF HIM

I will...

=Taylor and Jake=

Damn it, Jake thought to himself as the lock on the door refused to open up for him. He pressed his fingers firmly into the pad, not wanting to seem too nervous to Tay. If you can be not so nervous and he believes you, then you're a damn good actor, he thought as he mentally urged the door to open. Tay was standing a few inches behind him, waiting patiently and exuding that natural, quiet, gentle Hanson charm. He could smell him... a dizzying mix of baby powder and soap... it was how he'd always imagined that Taylor Hanson would smell.

Thankfully, the door beeped and it swung open, allowing them access to the room. Jake quickly tossed a pile of dirty clothes on the floor and beckoned Tay inside. Both boys were nervous but not apprehensive as Taylor walked in and was immediately awestruck by the wallpapering.

"Did you draw all these?" He asked softly.

"That I did." Jake said as he sat down on the bed and smiled.

"These are seriously awesome, Jake."

Jake blushed and smiled, "My mom said that the first thing I picked up was a pencil."

Immediately, he winced at his own self-perceived lameness and looked away, halfheartedly trying to hide his shame at being such a dork. There was something about Tay that made him feel like he was melting. Sometime in the last day that they'd spent sleeping next to each other on that couch, Jake had felt his love changing. Zac would always have a place in his heart and he would always love Reid... he would love Reid for showing so much compassion after what happened with Brandon. But it wasn't the kind of love he felt for Tay. They had only known each other for a few days but had done so much talking, it felt like they had been friends for years.

Jake watched as Tay slowly removed his shoes and sat cross-legged on the bed. Wow, Jake thought, that's some damn good manners. He had never before seen someone show him such condsidersation. It was a new experience.

"You don't have to take your shoes off."

"It's your bed." Tay said and smiled.

"If you insist." Jake said and sat with his back against the wall.

"I hope Reid will be OK." Taylor said and leaned back on his elbow.

"I hope so too. I couldn't imagine what it felt like for him." Jake tried not to look at Taylor's neatly displayed crotch that was only about an inch away from his left hip.

"Oh man, me neither. All the crawling around in the vents... and then when..."

"Yeah." Jake said softly and understood why Tay couldn't finish.

"It's an interesting thing what Zac said."

"The security."

"Yeah. Have you ever thought about it?"

"Yes, I have. I almost gave up on it." Jake sighed and laid back beside Taylor and they both looked up at the ceiling.

"Who was he?"

For a second, Jake didn't know what he meant, but it was only for a second.

"You heard about the guy in this sector who wanted Zac, right?"

"Yeah... what was his name... Braden?"

"Brandon."

Jake felt himself begin to twinge at the memory, "Yeah. I was really lonely and really depressed and he seemed so cool and I went to him and he promised to make me feel better if I let him be with me. So we were with each other and right afterwards, he told me that he hoped we could be friends and he hoped that I didn't die... and he rolled over and went to sleep. And that was it."

"What an asshole." Taylor said softly and he felt the pain of the memory too.

"Yeah. I got really depressed and when he killed himself, I talked to a doctor and it didn't help much."

"You seem like you're doing pretty good now." Taylor said and he fought the urge to rest his hand on Jake's knee or arm. The temptation was becoming nearly impossible to resist...

"I'm doing all right now. I feel like I've been hurt so much that it won't matter anymore."

"Jake... I know I'm not Zac."

Jake chuckled softly, "That's all right."

"What I mean is... I know I'm not Zac and I'm not what he is to you."

"I'm cool with that." Jake said and he felt his lips begin to gravitate forward.

"I'd never hurt you," Taylor said, feeling the same pull, "I'd only make you happy. Like everyday would feel like your birthday and every morning would feel like waking up in heaven. I can only try and promise that because I've never had the chance to do it before but I know that if you would just let me try... I know I could love you like you deserve."

The room was silent as they looked into each other's eyes, their faces only inches apart. Jake's breathing sped up slightly and he smiled slightly, his stomach filled with a warm tingling that he'd never felt before. Something inside him kept saying that it had to be a dream. The face that he had seen so many times on MTV couldn't in reality be only inches from his and looking so wonderfully inviting and tender. He felt Tay's leg gently rub against his but he still didn't look away as he brought his face in closer. Tay leaned up and their lips met halfway, touching together and sharing their warmth and feeling one another for the first time in such an intimate way.

Their lips began to move and both mouths opened slowly and the kisses became profound and more intimate. Jake whimpered as he felt Tay wrap grab his shirt collar and pull him down. It felt so amazing to be so close to another warm body and he had to fight back from the edge when he felt Tay grind himself in a sensuous rhythm against his own excited bulge. Tay was every bit as great a kisser as Jake had ever figured as those ruby red lips caressed and nibbled gently, urging them both to new levels of excitement. The prolific Hanson sweat glands made themselves quite apparent as Jake could feel the warm moisture on Tay's face and he could feel the heat coming off his flushed cheeks.

"Am I a good kisser?" Tay gasped between tongue probes.

Even if he could answer, there were no words available that could describe the level of pure bliss that his kisses were providing. As the kissing continued, Jake felt himself becoming more confident as he allowed his hands to explore under the front of Tay's silky shirt. When his soft fingers found the two rock hard pink nipples, Tay moaned and nearly bucked them both off the bed. If that wasn't a green light, Jake was colorblind. Their kissing continued as Jake kept fondling the slender body underneath him, feeling the slight outline of Tay's ribs and then feeling the pounding of his heart under the firm chest muscle. Inevitably, his fingers found their way back to the nipples, which at that point, were hard enough to cut diamonds.

Tay murmured and to Jake's surprise, he gently pulled back.

"What's wrong?" Jake huffed.

"I think you need the guided tour." Tay said and smiled before pecking him cheerfully on the lips.

Jake could only nod as he felt Tay's strong hands ease him back on to the bed. He watched, nearly hypnotized, as Tay stood up and raised his arms above his head, pulling the T-shirt up slightly and allowing only a slight peek at the bare skin. Jake learned forward and kissed the exposed belly button, drawing a rather large shiver out of the belly button's owner. Jake looked up and smiled as Tay reached down and slowly pulled the bottom of the T-shirt up and gradually bared his upper body. He only felt the slightest hint of "skinny boy modesty" but somehow, he knew that Jake would appreciate his slenderness.

Jake didn't immediately notice the exposed chest and stomach as his eyes had become glued to the substantial tent just below. His eyes were forced to tear away as they traveled upwards, first admiring the toned and defined stomach and his eyes caught the light glinting off the gentle dusting of blond hairs... his eyes swam over the muscular chest, the chest that had been so cruelly hidden by tight tanktops for so long. Jake leaned in and gently rubbed his lips over the ridged stomach muscles, and he realized that whoever built this guy knew what he was doing and he knew what he was unleashing on the world.

A soft giggle was all Jake heard as he ran his hands slowly up Tay's sides, feeling the muscle and trim strength that the velvety skin held inside. He began to kiss Tay's stomach much harder, mashing his lips against the skin and thrashing his tongue eagerly. Tay yelped as Jake's kisses found their way to his responsive nipples, nearly taking his knees out from under him. Even though Tay was a good four inches taller than Jake, it caused no problem when they collapsed onto the bed. Tay ravenously removed Jake's T-shirt and hurled it across the room and seconds later, both boys were naked.

"I think we're naked." Jake gasped.

Tay just smiled and kissed him again, laying Jake back on the bed and softly kissing his smooth chest. All Jake could do was lay back and let himself be pleasured, let himself feel true love for the first time. It felt like Tay was going to let him feel that and much more from the feeling of his tongue lapping over the soft skin. Jake moaned and his hips thrust up off the bed, sending a very clear message, and urging Tay to continue with the groundshattering sensations. Tay playfully lashed the tip of his tongue over the tender nipples, sending shakes of intense pleasure through the younger boy. After a few more long wet kisses to Jake's chest, Tay crawled up and lovingly nibbled Jake's ear.

"What would make you feel good?" He breathed softly, his bangs tickling the rim of Jake's ear.

To his surprise, Jake actually managed to speak, "Anything... just as long as it's you."

=The infirmary...=

Zac was alone. The room was empty except for him and the limp form on the bed, and the only noise was the beep of the heart monitor. Somehow, he knew that Jake and Tay were together... they were making love. He felt for a second a pang of the old familiar jealousy that sometimes reared its ugly head. But he couldn't be jealous. That really wasn't fair. Tay had slept in the same bed while he and Reid cuddled and babytalked to each other so it was OK... Tay deserved to be happy just as much as he did. Jake deserved to be happy too. Tay and Jake had each other now. It made Zac smile in the harsh incandescent light of the sickbay room.

"Hey Reid..." He said and he knew he was really only speaking to himself.

No response.

"Can ya hear me?"

Still nothing.

"Reid... I hope you can hear me."

No movement. Zac felt himself start to lose control.

"You bastard," He sniffled and giggled at the same time, "No one ever made me cry before I met you."

Nada... just the beeping.

"I'm all clean. I had a shower. But I didn't shave anywhere below my neck. I don't care how sick you are, I won't do that."

Beep... beep... beep...

"God damn it... you're not supposed to leave me yet. It's not cool with me if you leave." Zac felt hot tears roll down his cheeks and he hurriedly wiped them away. Something didn't want to let Reid sense his torment. The whole time they were in the vents, he had never been as scared as he was right then and there.

"Reid... I'm not mature enough to handle you dying. I didn't carry your lardass a mile and a half just to watch you die in a crappy, sterile hospital bed. This isn't how it's supposed to be. You and I are supposed to enjoy being married and we have to dehydrate each other every night. We have to go on double dates with Tay and Jake... and we have to wrestle and have pillow fights... We have to show everyone that being gay is really cool."

Zac reached down and felt the necklace, letting the cold metal brush his skin. His damp eyes gazed at Reid, trying to will some life back into him. Trying to use all his youth and energy and hyperness to reach into... the void... and pull him back out. There had to be some use for all the time he'd spent all over the world. All the touring and singing... there had to be some use for it. There had to be some use for everything he'd seen in his life. All his natural talent didn't mean dick at that point.

"You taught me something really important, Reid."

Still beeping.

"I always thought that 'soulmate' meant that it would be someone just like me who was practically my twin. Someone who acted like me and looked like me and all that. I thought that it meant having to be exactly alike, pretty much. But when I found you, I realized that isn't how it is. I realized that having a soulmate doesn't mean having someone who has to be my twin or has to be just like me. You made me realize that my soulmate isn't any of that. My soulmate is someone who loves and encourages me and understands that I feel things even though you don't always know what they are. You encourage the feeling inside me that our souls were meant to be together."

Zac sighed and started at his hands.

"Sometimes when all your dreams... maybe have seen better days... And you don't know how or why, but you've lost your way..." Zac sang softly, looking down at his limp hands.

He sniffled and continued, "Have no fear, when your tears are fallin'... I will hear your spirit callin'... and I swear that I'll be there, come what may..."

Zac realized it was more for him than anything, "We all need somebody we can turn to... Someone who'll always understand..."

Then a second voice was heard. It was weak, but it was there.

"So if you feel... that your soul is dying... and you need the strength to keep tryin'..."

Zac's head jerked up and he his heart felt like it was going a mile a minute, "Reid?"

"Zac..."

=Waking up...=

My eyes stung as they opened and the light hit them. My body felt weird because when I had last been inside it, it was soaking wet and limp against the hard tile of the courtyard. But now it was dry and cozy inside a bed. I felt the steel heart monitor against the first two fingers of my left hand.

"Zac?" I said again, "Zac..."

The light was causing my eyes to have a bitch of a time trying to focus. Before I could see anything, a very familiar warm weight was on top of me and a familiar hot wetness was sponging my face in frequent visits. I was pleasantly surprised at the smell as it was Zac's normal scent mixed in with the wonderful novelty of soap and cleanliness. In my blinded state, our lips finally found each other and he kissed me deeply, and I could feel his heavy breath in my mouth. It was like making out with a Great Dane.

"Zac..." I gurgled between kisses, "Zac, hon, I gotta breathe..."

He seemed to hear me and he sat back carefully, making sure not to put any weight on my stomach. His hands grabbed my shoulders and he held his face so close that I could feel the heat from his lips on mine. My mind flashed back to when I was in the same position and had been so worried. All I could remember was pushing over the bookcases. From Zac's behavior, I could tell that he was pretty happy to see me awake and I decided not to question it.

"Reid... fuck, I'm glad to see you." He said and kissed me again.

I smiled and wrapped my arms around him, holding him and kissing him back. I was pretty glad that someone had seen me fit to stick around for a little while longer. Through the covers, I could feel his erection, forged from relief and glee. He was sighing contentedly between kisses and I could feel the stress come out of him in long shudders. After the kissing, Zac rested his head on my shoulder and sighed deeply.

"I heard what you said."

Zac was silent for a second, "I meant it, Reid. And I'll always mean it."

My hand stroked his hair gently and my eyes caught the ring glinting in the light. It made me smile and I was glad the doctors didn't take it off me. I said faintly, "I know you did, Zac."

We laid there for quite a while and I felt the tension drain out of him as he held onto me. His heart was beating slowly and steadily and his breathing was relaxed and came out him easily. The feeling of holding him was so nice and even in my partially medicated state, I could appreciate the moment. I kissed his forehead a couple times and felt him shiver, and I think he was glad to sense I remembered his feel good spots.

He giggled softly, "This is almost like out of a movie."

Before I could answer, Jake and Tay stumbled into the room. One of the nurses must have alerted them that I had woken up. From the looks of the both of them, they had been egaging in some serious physical activity. Tay's cheeks were red and he seemed to walk much more stilted than usual and Jake didn't seem to be able to stop smiling. Zac and I looked at them as they came into the room and somehow...we knew what had happened. I, for one, was surprised because as far as I knew, they had never met.

"Oh gross." Zac said and made a sour face.

"What?" Tay asked and he was beaming. Jake was too.

"You guys had sex, didn't you?" Zac asked, incredulously.

"What makes you think that?" Jake said and couldn't help but smile.

"Wait... when did you guys hook up?" I asked.

"During the blackout. We just now.... uhhh... you know..." Tay stammered and started to blush.

"So... some dude finally gave ya the stink log, huh Tay?" Zac asked with a teasing tone in his voice.

Tay blushed even deeper and looked away, "Shut up, Zac."

Zac put on a look of mock pain, "Jake... I thought you loved me."

"It's only natural, Zac. The hotties can't resist me." Tay said and casually put his arm around Jake.

"Did you choke on his butt hairs, Jake?" Zac asked, grinning.

"Hey! Reid's awake!" Jake said, trying to change the subject, "Let's talk to Reid!"

"How do you feel?" Tay asked, sitting down on the side of the bed.

"Alive. What did they take out of me?"

The nurse walked into the room at the ideal time. She said, "We had to take out your kidney. Your stomach needed to be sewn up and we had to repair a small cut to your liver. We fixed your stomach and you'll end up with just a small scar. The cuts on your shoulder, under your eye and on the bridge of your nose will be just fine."

I sighed with relief.

"You're lucky, though. The knife that you were attacked with was very dirty but you didn't catch anything. Thankfully, the tetanus treatment worked." She said and stood at the foot of my bed.

"What happened... to the guy?" I almost didn't want to know.

"He died. The agent who intervened... she removed him from the situation."

"Who was he?" I asked and it was all I wanted to know.

"His name was Jared Raines. He caused the blackout and he was the one who attacked you on both occasions."

"Oh." I looked down and I felt Zac put his arms around my neck and hug me protectively.

"The agent saved your life. She followed you guys through the vents and she got there just in time. She saved both your lives." The nurse was then quiet.

"Which agent was it?" Tay asked.

"Agent Gurion."

"Where is she?" I asked, even though I knew the answer.

"She resigned from her job here. The stress of having taken a human life conflicted with her religion and she left. She did want you to know that she doesn't regret what happened. And she said she'd do it again in a second. So take from that what you will." The nurse said and left the room carrying several empty paper cups that I assumed were used by Zac.

"Wow..." Zac said and his grip remained gentle but firm.

"Well, I'm OK. That's what counts." I said and hugged him back as tightly as I could manage.

It was all we needed to say.

=A few days later...=

I could start dreamin' but it never ends As long as you're gone we may as well pretend I've been dreamin' Straight from the heart

You say it's easy but who's to say That we'd be able to keep it this way But it's easier Straight from the heart

Give it to me straight from the heart Tell me we can make another start You know I'll never go As long as I know It's comin' straight from the heart

I'll see you on the street some other time And all our words would just fall out of line I was dreamin' Straight from the heart

Give it to me straight from the heart Tell me we can make another start You know I'll never go As long as I know It's coming straight from the heart

"Mmmm... why does it feel so good?"

Zac felt warm all over. He and Reid had just finished making love for the first time since their wedding night and the nearly ten days of withheld jizz had nearly exploded all over them both. It was such an amazing orgasm that it made Zac's mind flash back to when he shot his first load and had worried that he was going to pee all over himself. As Reid pumped in and out and he felt himself beginning to tingle downstairs, for a fraction of a second, he had worried that there would be more than just cum painting the bedspread. But it didn't matter. All that mattered was them. Zac felt the cool pillow against his flushed cheek as he gazed at Reid's similarly flushed face and nearly felt himself float away.

"I think it's our lack of release."

It wasn't exactly prose, but it served its purpose. Besides, what was I supposed to say? I'd just finished plunging myself into Zac's hot hole for the first time in too damn long and it had been almost a week since my last cum. I guess I'd forgotten what a decadent treat it was to feel him wrapped around me. The song on the stereo had begun just as we'd fallen forward onto the mattress in a pile of sweat and cum. It was one of my favorites. "Straight From The Heart" by Bryan Adams. It felt like this particular time was better than usual because it was coming straight from the heart. I leaned in and kissed him, feeling his hot, moist lips move fluidly against mine and his hot breath blow into my mouth as he returned the kiss.

"Whatever... This my heaven."

If he had said it at any other time, Zac would have felt incredibly stupid. All his life, he'd never been able to be so completely genuine with another person. Always having to hide it or try and disguise it with a funny smartass comment but there was something so different about Reid. He hadn't ever needed to guard himself. There was no asking whether he was OK just because he was sitting quietly rather than jumping around and acting hyper. From the first second he'd seen Reid, he knew that they were meant to be together. As corny as it might have sounded to other people, Zac knew that he and Reid were put on earth to love each other.

"I keep worrying that this IS my heaven and I left you behind on earth."

When I came out from under the sedation, I wasn't sure if I'd died or if I'd woken up or what had happened. There was a big part of me that worried that I'd gone to heaven and Zac had been left behind. Not being arrogant, my worry was that he would be lonely, not that he would feel some sense of longing or like his reason for living had left him. As the days went by, however, and our life gradually returned to normal, it became pretty clear that I'd survived. Yet again, I was a survivor. Even though we had burned some calories, neither of us were all that tired. My body felt a rush of warmth as Zac's long fingers stroked my cheek slowly and his eyes seemed to pull me in with some unseen tractor beam.

"Either way... we're never gonna be apart."

Somehow, Zac knew it was true. He knew that there could be nothing even remotely imaginable that could split them from now on. They had survived his appendicitis, the jealousy and cruelty of a delusional abuser, the blackout where they had to fight for their lives, and they had done it all together. They had proven to everyone who mattered that their relationship wasn't some fling that didn't mean anything except sex. In a world where they were spit on, they had found each other and fell in love.

"What about Tay?"

I knew the answer and Zac did to. We didn't need to talk much about it. Earlier that afternoon, Tay and Jake had moved his clothes and desk down to the room that they would share from now on. For the first time, Jake had looked happy. He looked healthy and he looked like he actually wanted to be alive. I had been in a similar position to him and I knew how bad it felt and to see him so vibrant made me feel really good. It was almost nauseating to see how much he and Tay had fallen for each other but considering the sorts of stuff Zac and I had subjected them to, it wasn't like we could blame them. Who can blame anyone for finding happiness?

"If we were on the outside, we could buy two houses and live next door to each other. With a white picket fence."

Zac giggled at the thought and it seemed so dorky yet so appealing at the same time. Every love related thing that he'd found dorky or stupid or sappy all made sense now. All the songs and poems and doofy movies set in France in the 1800's all seemed like more than just sugar coated garbage. The idea of lying with your head in someone's lap didn't seem as weird and gross as it had sounded while he was still in his squeaky voiced days. Hell, the idea of having Reid's head in his lap sounded pretty damn awesome and not even in a sexual kind of way. All the time they spent cuddling and kissing and touching each other was time well spent and to Zac, it was even more amazing because somehow, he'd convinced himself that it would never happen.

"I'm just happy with this. Almost dying puts things in perspective."

I smiled and Zac slid closer to me and I felt him wrap his arms around me.

"We're never gonna die. We'll always be together."

"Forever and always." I said softly.

I could hear the CD changer on my stereo switch around.

Zac smiled dreamily and sang softly, "I can't lie... no more of your darkness..."

I simply laid there and enjoyed the familiar song being serenaded to me.

"All my pictures... seem to fade to black and white... I'm growing tired, and time stands still before me... Frozen here, on the ladder of my life... Too late... To stop myself from falling... I took a chance, and changed your way of life... But you misread, my meaning when I met you... Closed the door, and left me blinded by the light..."

"Don't let the sun... go down on me... something something..." I smiled at his improvisation, "Wander free... but losin' everything is like the sun going down on me..."

"I can't find... oooh, the right romantic line... But see me once, and see the way I feel... Don't discard me, just because you think I mean you harm..."

"But these cuts I had," I sang, "They need love to help them heal..."

The song continued... But losin' everything... is like the sun goin' down on me..."

Then we kissed.

=The next morning...=

After the usual morning time notification, Zac and I had showered and as we were getting dressed, a plain white envelope was slipped under the door. At first, we assumed that it was only some fan mail or something concerning our being too loud during the night. Whatever it was, I didn't feel too much worry or excitement as I bent down and picked it up. There was no name on it or anything as I scanned the surface, finding the envelope fully sealed. I wasn't sure what I should do but thankfully, Zac wasted no time in ripping it open and pulling out the folded piece of white paper. The words were written in plain typewritten letters.

WEST DOCK IN 2 MINUTES

What the hell, I thought. There were guards all over and if this was some sort of trap, we wouldn't be in too much trouble. We made the trip on foot and mostly ignored the people around us as he hurried down to the loading dock. Somewhere deep inside, I knew this wasn't some ordinary thing. Something about it felt important and I think Zac knew it too as he didn't doddle like usual. As we got closer to the loading bay, the number of people we passed decreased gradually until we were alone in the hallway. The closer we got, the more windows appeared and the hallway was lit pleasantly by the morning sun off the Caribbean. We didn't say anything as we walked... we didn't want to ruin the moment.

The west dock was the main loading bay for the compound. It was where they shipped in food and supplies from the mainland that was needed especially or couldn't be produced inside the compound. I'd only been there once or twice as part of my science lab work. The hallway led us to a mostly empty room. In one corner, there were a few unmarked boxes and a pile of requisition papers that they used to order stuff in. I felt Zac stay close to me and I looked in, not knowing what to expect as we gradually made our way inside. It didn't look booby-trapped or anything like that which was a tremendous relief.

I looked around tentatively, not really sure what I was supposed to look for. This was the only room that the hallway led to. I couldn't think of a mix-up happening because there just wasn't anywhere else that we could have gone without any further instruction. At least the room was pleasantly warm in the morning heat.

There was a scratching on the floor as a small black box slid into the room via the open door which slammed closed, making us both jump. There was no sound of a lock turning and the only thing I heard was the sound of brisk footsteps outside the door. Following whoever it was probably wasn't part of the plan and in our best interests, I chose not to try and pursue whoever it was. Zac walked over to the black box and picked it up, making me feel slightly worried but when it didn't explode in a spray of acid or fire, I felt secure.

"What is it?" I asked and he handed it to me and shrugged.

"You tell me."

I turned the box over in my hands and noticed three silver buttons on the narrow side. It was a tape recorder and there was a tape inside. Zac noticed it too and we looked at each other with a mix of excitement and nervousness. There really wasn't any turning back at that point. We were already late and we were already in a restricted area. We had no choice but to go along with it.

I pressed "play" and a voice came out of the small speaker. It was thick with a South American accent.

"If you are listening to this tape, you have been selected for The Compound Liberation Movement. You have been selected to be freed from the facist emotional and physical prison you are currently being held captive within."

I couldn't believe my ears. Zac looked at me and slowly, a grin crept onto his face.

The tape continued, "Unless a major security breach as occurred, this tape is being heard by Reid Cameron and Zachary Hanson. It is my duty to inform you that at 0100 hours this morning, Jacob Conner and Taylor Hanson were liberated from the compound that you are currently contained in. They are in perfect health currently. We realize that this information may influence your decision to be liberated and that was our goal."

"No way... this is not happening..." I said, stumbling over my own words.

It went on, "If you choose to accept our offer for liberation, you will immediately be moved under cover from your current position to a movement resort camp in Northern Argentina. No longer will you live under restrictions that tell you who you are allowed to love and what personal decisions you can make. When you wake up, when you sleep, what you wear, the food you eat... it will be your decision. If you wish to accept our offer, an agent from our movement is waiting outside the door. If you do not wish to accept our offer, then we wish you nothing but happiness."

"Oh... my... god..." Zac said in awe.

The voice finished, "Before you decide, Taylor wished to record the following message."

Seconds later, Taylor's familiar voice came out of the box, "Hey, you guys. I know that this must seem really weird but I know that if you guys said yes, you would love it here. Jake and I have been here for only a few hours but it's so amazing. They don't tell you how to live or who you can be. Please come be with us here. The rooms are so nice and they have TV and great food and they let us wear clothes whatever we want. But if you guys don't want to come, it's OK but we really want you guys to come here. I swear to God it's everything that the world should be... please... I know you guys would love it."

Zac and I looked at each other again.

"The agent outside the door will leave in ten seconds. We realize it's unfair to expect such a decision on such short notice but time is the one luxury that we are not currently in possession of. We hope to see you here soon." With that, the tape stopped.

I bent down and set the box on the floor silently and stood back up. We both looked over at the door and we heard the knob turn slowly but no one came in. The door was open slightly and in the back of my head, I heard a clock slowly counting down. Zac reached out and held my hand and squeezed it firmly but gently. Our rings rubbed together. The decision was ours...

10...

9...

8...

7...

6...

5...

4...

3...

2...

1...

It was time to decide...

It's a beautiful day... don't let it get away... It's a beautiful day...

A beautiful day to be free...

=THE END=