Son of Kings

Newsgroups: soc.motss Sender: clymer@jete.eng.ohio-state.edu

Since it has been a couple of months since the last installment, and many people were on summer break, I decided that it would be easier to repost parts 1-4 instead of mailing lots of copies individually. This is in latex format. you can strip away the latex commands by searching for the backslaskes.

This story is entirely fiction. Any similarities to real people and accounts is purely coincidental.

bradley

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Son of Kings

by Bradley D. Clymer

Copyright 1991

% Part 1

Paul sat in his car unable to turn the key. The reality of what had just happened left him a little numb. Had it been curiousity, as he had tried to tell himself as it was happening? Or had he intended for this to happen all along. The twilight had disappeared completely, leaving behind scattered stars cutting their way through the leftover haze of the day. Kit would be upset. He should have been home hours ago. She'd called Donny's apartment around seven when he hadn't showed up for dinner. Paul knew that he should have called her first to say that he would be late, but it hadn't occurred to him until he'd heard the phone ring. How would Kit react if she knew?

It had been Donny that introduced Paul and Kit in the first place. Donny and Paul. The inseparable roommates in college. Donny had been Mr. Everything in the dorm. He carried with him a natural ease and confidence that gathered crowds where ever he went. Paul had always attributed it to his background. His father was a manufacturing baron, influential politically as well as socially. But Donny never had seemed snobby, like Paul had imagined someone of his social class to be. He seemed to almost resent the money, wearing mostly jeans and tee shirts during their days together at State. Paul remembered that the subject of Donny attending State instead of his father's Alma Mater had been a big point of conflict in the first years of school.

Paul had been agog his entire first year at school. Raised in a small rural town on a farm struggling to survive, he was the first in his family to attend college. His high school teachers had pushed hard to convince him that he should stay in school. Go to college. In Donny's neighborhood, the kids were expected to go college automatically. They were expected to become doctors, lawyers and investment bankers like their fathers. But for Paul even leaving the farm to move to the city was unthinkable. The sons of farmers became farmers themselves. To his high school buddies, the only advantage of going to college was that he could walk to the football games instead of driving. Going to State instead of an Ivy school was better, because at least State had a respectable football program.

It was Donny that had helped Paul adjust to school. On his own, Paul would have stayed to himself and quietly completed his schoolwork. That first year they had become immediate buddies. Even though people seemed to clamour around Donny, he had singled out Paul at that very first floor meeting in the dorm by coming over and introducing himself. Paul had been surprised that such a popular person would reach out to him. He felt so out of place in this academic setting and Donny seemed so at ease. It was through Donny that Paul met most of his friends. After their first year, they decided to be roommates together the following year.

It was the second year that Donny had introduced Paul to Kit. He and Kit had been lab partners in chemistry, and had started to study together regularly. It had become apparent to Donny that Kit was interested in dating him. Subtle hints that had started with off the wall remarks that she was staying on campus for the weekend while her friends were going out of town finally progressed to her inviting Donny over for dinner. Donny asked if he could bring Paul, thinking that the two would be perfect for each other. Paul was curious about the invitation, and questioned Donny's motives, thinking that Donny was probably trying to let this poor girl down easy. When he met Kit, she was beautiful. She was witty and charming and intelligent. In fact, she was alot like Donny. There was an easy confidence that Paul was now beginning to associate with growing up in a wealthy suburban home.

Back at the dorm, Paul asked Donny why he hadn't jumped at the chance to date Kit. Donny avoided the question for a few minutes and offered Paul a beer. He took one for himself and sat down on his bed in their dorm room.

She's everything a guy would want in a woman,'' Paul had said. You should ask her out.''

``Paul, I just couldn't bring myself do that to her,'' had been Donny's answer.

``What, do you have some sort or fatal disease or something? Maybe you're crazy!'' Paul joked, nervously. He was trying to make sense out of a situation that seemed to have no sense. Why in the world would a guy like Donny turn down a chance of a lifetime?

``I can't date girls,'' Donny replied. He'd tried it in high school and it had always been a flop. Getting along with them socially had been easy, but the expected events in the dark car or when parents had gone to bed leaving the teenage couple to watch TV alone had been disasters. There had been uncomfortable pauses, while Donny was trying to decide what he was supposed to do next.

``You mean...''

``Yeah, Paul. I'm gay, I guess. I haven't ever really done anything, but I know that I am. Don't tell anyone. You're the only person I've told. I've been trying to tell you for months now, but it just didn't seem to be easy to work into a conversation. `You have to make this substitution of variables and then use the trig identities to do that integral, and by the way I'm queer!' '' It was the first time Paul had ever seen Donny vulnerable. He had always been in control of every situation. Now he was visibly trembling.

``But, you don't seem queer! I mean, you never tried to come on to me or anything.''

``I would never do anything like that to you. It would be too big of a risk to lose you as a friend. You're the only real friend I've ever known. I always felt like I was alone in a crowd until we became friends. I don't think I could ever go back to feeling that way again.''

``How does all of this fit in with Kit?''

``I wanted you to meet. The two of you seemed like a perfect match to me. You should ask her out.''

``I'd like to, but won't she find all of this bizarre? And what makes you think she'll go out with me? It's you that she wants.''

``I'm going to tell her. We've become good friends, and I want her to know. I would rather have waited longer, but this week's invitation brought things up sooner. I'm going to see her tomorrow. I'd like to bring her good news, too. Can I tell her you're interested?''

``Sure. This is all so bizarre. Aren't you worried about the guys in the dorm finding out?''

``Not if you don't tell any one. I was hoping we could move into an apartment next year and avoid the dorm. That is if you still want to be roommates and haven't moved in with Kit by then.''

He had recovered control of the situation again with his disarming grin. He could see by Paul's reactions that continuing as roommates would not be a problem. Paul shook his head, still in disbelief at what he had learned. Donny felt a rush of liberation flooding his consciousness. The excitement that he and Paul now both shared his secret drew their intimacy even closer, and he was basking in that awareness.

***** % Part 2

Donny lay propped by the two pillows on his couch where Paul had left him. Staring at the blank TV across the room, he tried to make sense out of what had just happened. He was baffled by it all, but he was certain that this had become one of the three most important times in his life. The first had been meeting Paul that first week of school at the dorm meeting. The second had been sharing his secret with him. And now tonight. He carefully guarded his emotions by insisting to himself that it had just been an isolated thing, and it could not be expected again. He would bask in the feelings tonight and carefully place it among the other cherished memories to keep it safe.

From the first encounter, Donny had been drawn to Paul. Perhaps it had been Paul's indifference to him. He had been used to people flocking to have his affection without effort. Boys and girls alike had elbowed up to him either to become part of the `in crowd' or simply to get the answers for the math assignment. But Paul was an exception. He hadn't shown a attraction or repulsion toward Donny, rather a complete unawareness of his existence. Donny found a refreshing chance to win a friendship instead of being granted one without effort.

In fact everything had been granted to Donny without effort, and he had begun to be bored with life as a result. He had taken up the practice of intentionally not preparing for exams, just to make them a challenge. For amusement, he shunned the expensive clothes that his mother bought for him and chose faded Levi's and worn tee shirts instead. The minor satifaction that he got from the irritation that he knew this caused his parents was defeated by the predictability of the objections. Twice in high school he had considered suicide because of the sheer boredom of superficial interactions with is family and friends. Both times he had decided against it, because suicide too was too easy and uninteresting.

But here was this boy that was an enigma. This curly haired rube that sat on the study lounge floor looking through all of the pages of xeroxed handouts of the official dorm business to be discussed at the meeting. Impervious to the boys getting to know each other around him. And more importantly impervious to Donny.

Donny absently shook the hand of a nondescript newcomer to the room rattling on in excitement about the upcoming football game on saturday. He studied Paul while feigning a conversation. He noticed how completely unselfconscious he sat there, his legs crossed in an easy `x' at the ankles, tufts of golden curls scattered randomly as if on purpose.

There was a break in the conversation on football strategies and chances of winning the conference, and Donny took the chance to introduce himself to his quarry.

``Mind if I sit here?'' Donny asked as he pointed to a spot on the floor next to Paul. The room was beginning to fill up as the resident assistant went to individual rooms to send people down the hall to the meeting. At the closer distance, Donny took in the compact but solid build before him.

Go ahead,'' Paul replied as he reached over to gather his things to make room for Donny. Solid is not the word, Donny thought to himself as he watched the casual effort of muscle massed under the thin gray tee shirt. Anything interesting in that stuff?'' he asked, finding himself in the foreign position of starting smalltalk.

``Not really, mostly stuff about floor rules and hours for the dining halls and things,'' Paul replied, burying himself back in the xerox copies. A student walked in front of them, and Paul absently drew his legs toward him into more of a butterfly shape, still crossed at the ankles. The new sitting position drew his jeans tight around his thighs and Donny gave a quiet gasp to himself as he mentally measured their circumference. This kid was obviously a wrestler or something. Normal people are not built like that. At least not normal people in the places he'd known.

That had been their first encounter. All of it. About four sentences of small talk, and Donny had become obsessed with getting to know this kid. He planned meals so that he could accidentally run into him at the dining hall, always trying to sit next to him to try to get to know more about him. Donny's questions about his background were answered directly, without volunteering information. In spite of feeling that Paul was trying ditch him, Donny found out that Paul was an only child, raised on a farm of about 300 acres (an index that was completely meaningless to Donny, but seemed important to Paul, so he remembered it). He never competed on athletic teams in high school, because he was always needed for chores on the farm after school. He had occasionally played backyard football and basketball, but mostly kept to himself and kept up his duties on the family farm.

``So all of that muscle tone and bulk is natural?'' Donny asked one day at the lunch table.

``What muscle tone. I'm getting fat and flabby. I seem so lazy just sitting at my desk reading and doing homework.''

``Want to go the the gym to work out together sometime?'' Donny proposed.

``I don't know. I've never lifted weights or anything before. I wouldn't know what to do.''

``What's to know. You just go to the machine, set the weight and push it in the right direction,'' Donny said, feigning expertise. After all, how difficult could it really be. He'd gone to the health club with a friend in high school. They'd spent very little time in the weight room and most of the time in the hot tub. Donny was still convinced that the kid had been trying to get him into bed.

Soon after, Donny stopped by and convinced Paul to come along to the gym. It was the beginning of their friendship, and Paul began opening up to Donny. Eventually, Donny came to know that Paul's original aloofness had nothing to do with Donny, but had been mostly Paul's shyness and inexperience at mixing with other people. By this time, the image of Paul as something to conquer had faded for Donny and had been replaced by a closeness that he had never felt with another person before. Suddenly life was interesting and worth living, because there was Paul.

% Part 3

Kit pulled back the comforter on the bed and propped herself on a couple of pillows, settling down to read until Paul came home. It was ten o'clock already, but she'd learned long ago that jealousy about the time he spent with Donny was useless. Spending time with one of them seemed to guarantee time with the other as well. It had been that way from the first time she had mustered the courage to ask Donny for dinner, convinced by then that dinner together would never occur to him on his own. When he'd asked to bring a friend, Kit had been puzzled. She'd wondered if he wanted to diffuse the embarassment of a first date by double dating, but Donny certainly didn't seem to be the shy type. In lab and during the study sessions they'd had, he been relaxed and easy going. He must have seen the doubt on her face, because he told her that Paul was a good friend that had been pretty alienated about moving to the big city from the farm and a meal in an apartment instead of the commons would be go od for him. It still didn't fit for Kit, but it was too late to cancel the invitation. This was all behavior she had never seen before from Donny.

When Donny arrived with Paul, he had been like a father bringing a kitten home to his daughter. Now it all became clear. He was setting Kit up with his friend. She almost expected him to invent an excuse and leave the two of them alone for the evening. This was the sort of thing that a girlfriend would do, but she'd never expected it from a guy. Suddenly it dawned on her that either Donny is already dating someone else and couldn't tell her directly or he was't interested in dating her at all. This was too much to sort out now, and she would pin him down on this later. It wasn't until after they'd gone that she came up with a third possibility, but it just didn't fit her impressions of Donny.

The next day, Kit didn't see Donny at all, and she began to worry about what was up. But that night, he called to confirm a study time and said he needed to explain some things about the dinner and everything. She pushed for him to tell her on the phone, but he refused, saying that tomorrow they would go for a walk. There was tension in his voice, but no real sense of alarm, so she decided to wait and not push further.

When Donny told her, everything fit into place. He'd not had the nerve to just blurt it out before the dinner date. He told her that if he'd been inclined to date girls, he thought that she would be perfect. But he knew that it would end in disaster like all the rest, and he didn't want to lose her as a friend. She started to tell him that maybe it would be different with her, but he interrupted her and would have nothing to do with it.

So, what did you think of Paul?'' he said, suddenly changing the subject. He thinks you're attractive.''

``Attractive? What kind of a description is that? He's probably just being nice because he knows I'm a friend of yours and he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. He didn't say more than three sentences the whole night. I think he was bored and just trying to be polite.''

``No, he's just spent too much of his social life around cattle out on the farm. You know, a man's horse is his first love and all that. He's pretty shy. He'll open up once you get to know him. But what do you think of HIM? Isn't he just adorable?''

``He is pretty cute. In that all-america farmboy way. You sure he likes girls?''

Believe, me if he didn't, I wouldn't have shared him by bringing him to dinner,'' Donny said with a broad grin. He said that he would like to ask you out, but said that you'd probably be bored. He's never done anything interesting that you could talk about over dinner.''

Sure, I'll go out with him once,'' she said hesitantly. He was awfully cute. And polite. But he has to ask me himself. No more proxy arrangements through you. And this time, just me and him,'' she said and began to imagine all of the uncomfortable pauses in conversation that were in store.

The date had gone well. Actually, very well. Donny had suggested to Paul that he bring along some pictures of home to show Kit, and it had worked. The farm was one of the few topics that he knew well enough to be authorative and therefore relaxed. They had laughs about Kit's naive questions about milking cows and shearing sheep. She told him that she'd like to visit the farm sometime, and he glowed with pride. Once he had become relaxed by talking about the farm, Kit was able to steer him into other topics. She found out that he was captivated by building designs in the city, and was considering starting in the architecture program in the spring when he declared his major.

She also found out that his taste in music tended toward the mushy ballad types. He had a collection of old seventies performers that never got Top 40 play anymore. He said it was mostly because it was what was available on the radio stations back home. He also loved old Motown stuff because it was fun to dance to. He had always put on tapes and danced around the barn when feeding the livestock and doing other chores. Kit pictured him in a tattered tee shirt and blue jeans in a barn dancing to headphones while all of the cattle watched in alarm. Kit mentioned that she'd heard that cows like to listen to classical music. Paul grinned and said that Beethoven was okay, but there is nothing like old fashioned rock and roll. It was the first grin she'd seen from him and the ambiguous expression of innocence and playfulness was destined to hold her.

At the end of the evening, Paul timidly kissed her and said he'd like to ask her out again sometime. She said sure, she'd like that and gave him a hug at the door. She watched as he walked along to the sidewalk on his way back to the dorm, smiling to herself. The timid little kiss had sent tingles all over her. She'd never met anyone like him before.

% Part 4

The events kept playing in Paul's head. It had started as a typical Sunday afternoon playing a pickup football game in the park with Donny. They had been doing this on and off since their days as roommates back in school. Then, of course, they had insisted on playing tackle because it was the only true was to play football. Football shouldn't be a game of threading a pass to an open receiver and stopping when tagged. Real football involved dodging tacklers and hauling them down the field until they dragged you to your knees. It wasn't until after they graduated and started feeling the stiffness on Monday mornings that they started changing to tag instead of tackle. Danny had teased Paul that it was the first sign of aging. Of course he could say that. He would look forever like he was eighteen. Even as they both neared thirty. Tag was ideal for Donny, with his slim build. He was crafty at changing directions and often found himself open downfield to catch a touchdown pass.

Today when they reached the park, there had been a group of students already playing. Tackle. Paul had looked at Donny to see if he wanted to join them. They had decided that they were in good enough shape to keep up with these twenty year olds, and each was annexed onto one of the teams.

They had done surprisingly well until Donny had gone up for a pass and Paul, defending, had come down on top of him, grinding Donny's shoulder into the late autumn sod. Paul bounded up, ready to rib Donny for dropping the pass under his coverage, but Donny whinced when he tried to get up. He couldn't move his arm.

Paul blanched. He helped Donny to his feet. Donny's arm just hung there. Paul suspected a broken collarbone. He had broken his when he was in grade school, falling from the hayloft in the barn. Paul's car was at Donny's apartment, less than a block away, so Paul drove him to the emergency room for xrays. Nothing had been broken, just some pulled muscles and feeling was returning to Donny's hand. But he had no strength and could not lift his arm without help. The doctor had given him a prescription for pain and told him to keep his shoulder on ice for the first 24 hours.

Back in Donny's apartment, Paul felt responsible for everything. He made Donny lie still on the small throne of pillows that he had built on Donny's bed while he went to the kitchen to make an ice pack. Donny could only stand the cold for five or ten minutes at a time. Feeling helpless, Paul had taken to massaging Donny's arm from his shoulder down to his hand, kneading the muscles and trying to bring them back to life. He had repeated this often, lingering each time when he had worked his way down to the fingertips, holding Donny's hand gently in both of his. He had never felt so close. Before, they had never really made physical contact other than rough-housing around the apartment or on the football field. Paul felt a warmness in being able to express through touch the fondness that he had always felt. Donny let himself be doted over. It seemed to Paul that it was Donny's way of acknowledging his affection.

Why don't I help you get cleaned up. You're covered with dirt and grass stains,'' Paul said. At that, he pulled off the white tube socks and threw them in a pile at the end of the bed. Do you want to take a bath, or just wash up a bit?''

``I'm not helpless! I can take a bath later,'' Donny replied.

``Don't be ridiculous. You can't move your arm. And I've seen how useless you are with the other one.''

``Just get a washcloth and some soap then and hand wash off the worst parts,'' he told Paul, who left to find the supplies.

``I couldn't find a pan to put soapy water in, and I think a bath is easier,'' Paul said coming back to the bedroom. Donny started to argue, but Paul laughed and had yanked Donny's gym shorts down to his knees before he saw why Donny had suddenly become so shy.

Donny was hard as a rock. They both flushed.

I see you haven't lost the use of all of your appendages,'' Paul said with a grin. In the ten years they'd been best friends, Paul had never been aware of anything sexual between him and Donny. They'd been like brothers. Donny had always made it clear to him that he wasn't interested in seducing him, and Paul had left it at that. Now Paul felt a sort of captivation at being able to arouse his gay buddy. I guess a cold shower is what you really need!'' he said as he finished removing the shorts and helped Donny to his feet.

He helped Donny into the tub of hot water, being sure to keep the injured shoulder out of the water. Carefully he soaped the wash cloth and systematicly but gently washed Donny from toes to fingertips, conspicuously avoiding his pubic area until last. As he washed, Paul looked closely at Donny's naked body. Not only did he have the face of an eighteen year old, but his body had not aged either. His legs had the easy tone of a high school runner. Paul knew that training had not produced this, but it had been born to him. Nothing in Donny's life had come without ease, including the lean healthy look of his body. Donny was neither skinny or bulky, but catlike in his features. He stayed erect through the length of the bath. In an odd way, Paul felt aroused himself as he laved his closest friends lithe arms and legs.

Suddenly, a devilish though came to Paul. He soaped his hand and started caressing the erection that lay on the stomach in front of him. ``Without that arm, you're going to be missing alot of your usual entertainment on the weekends.'' he said with a fiendish smirk. Donny, who had been soaking there with his eyes closed jumped. Paul knew how ticklish jerking off with all of this soap could be and checked to see if he should stop.

There was a moment, Donny tense trying to figure Paul's motives and Paul hesitating, wondering if he had overstepped a boundary. Donny closed his eyes and settled back in the tub. He wanted Paul to continue, but nothing was said. Paul started stroking gently again, squeezing with a firm pressure, knowing that the soap would make Donny slippery enough that he would not hurt him. He decided to make this as ticklish as possible, and slowed the strokes for maximum effect. He watched Donny writhe in the water, inundated by the sensations that Paul knew he was causing. It didn't take long for Donny to explode. When Paul didn't stop his stroke even after this, finally Donny grabbed his hand and forced him to break. Paul gently washed the remains of the eruption and helped Donny to his feet and toweled him dry. He escorted Donny to his bed, piling the pillows around him as he turned down the lamp. He kissed Donny on the forehead before leaving the apartment to go home.

``Take care of yourself, I'll stop by tomorrow to see how you are doing,'' he said as he retreated quietly from the bedroom and stole out of Donny apartment to his car on the street. The stiffness he felt in his gym shorts he had been careful to hide from Donny. After all, he was the straight one, wasn't he? Sure, it had just been the excitement in touching another man like that for the first time. He had been curious. That was all.

% PART 5

Donny had been padding around the apartment for some time when Paul called in the afternoon from work. Donny had called the principal that morning to ask for a substitute. He hated leaving his students in the hands of another teacher, but he could barely lift his arm when he got out of bed and knew that writing on a chalkboard was out of the question.

He had been teaching at Central since he graduated from State. The decision to teach high school physics and chemistry had been one of his last stabs at his father before they stopped speaking. His father had wanted Donny to eventually take over his business. When Donny showed an aptitude for sciences instead of business, his father had hoped that he would choose engineering and join the company in a research and development capacity and move up through the ranks that way. Donny would have nothing to do with the family wealth or company, and chose one of the lowest paying applications of his knowledge that he could imagine. After he had started teaching, he built an attachment to the students, feeling that they the family he should have been given instead of the one he actually had.

Paul had started along the path that Donny had refused. He had never really understood Donny's rejection of his background. During the years that Donny and Paul were in school, Paul had visited Donny's family often. He had been adopted as one of the family, especially by Donny's father, Elliot, who found him intelligent, polite and an attentive listener, all things that Donny had refused him. His father couldn't imagine that Donny would actually associate with someone as wholesome as Paul, and at first saw the friendship as an indication that Donny might become manageable after all. His hopes about Donny were unfounded, but he soon discovered that Paul was quick at seeing better ways to do things, and began thinking of him as a possible surrogate heir to his dynasty, considering that Donny wasn't cooperative at all. He managed to steer Paul away from architecture and into engineering, where his problem solving skills would be sharpened. When Paul graduated, Elliot gave him a job as a manufacturing engineer on of his plants. Within a year, Paul had suggested minor modifications that had saved his company hundreds of thousands of dollars. Elliot rewarded him with a large bonus and continued monitoring his progress. The benefits of Paul's insight continued as he found ways to improve productivity and product quality. After 6 years, Paul had become manager of a new division in charge of streamlining the manufacturing operations for the entire plant.

When Donny answered the phone, he teased Paul by groaning, ``Hello?''

So how's life on Ward 6?'' Paul joked. Had any good alcohol baths lately?'' Paul had guessed that Donny hadn't gone to work. ``So how was daytime TV today?''

``Awful. I gave up after the third time I heard the same jokes and promos on the Today Show, and I've been reading a novel most of the day.''

``Kit wanted to know if you wanted to come over for dinner, since you probably can't cook yet.''

Donny agreed to dinner at their house and Paul stopped by to pick him up on the way home from work. Donny usually ate dinner with Paul and Kit an average of once a week anyhow, so the special treatment was only in the form of a ride to their house. He hated to eat alone, and Kit just seemed to always be ready to feed another hungry mouth.

In the car on the way to the house, Paul began by joking again, but Donny could feel tension in Paul's manner tonight. Maybe he was over reacting. Maybe he was just looking so hard for clues from Paul about how he felt about last night. Paul had always been a quiet person and long pauses in conversation were routine. Maybe it was just the new awareness that Donny brought along and Paul had been unphased.

Once they arrived, Kit managed to smooth out the rough spots in the conversation, asking Donny about his injury and teasing him for trying to be as young as he looked. She told him that she would be out of town on Thursday to go to a conference and spend some time with her familyon the weekend. Kit had completed her PhD in Chemical Engineering and was working in a research lab developing plastics that simulate skin for artificial limbs. There was a big conference in Chicago this week and she was presenting a paper on Friday. Since her parents lived in a Chicago suburb, she was taking the opportunity to see them as well.

``You and Paul should have dinners together this weekend. Paul needs someone to look out for him while I'm away. He'd starve on his own.''

You can count on me, as long as I recover the use of my arm,'' Donny grinned and made wild flailing motions with his shoulder, his arms hanging limp at his side. He had been joking about his arm all night, pretending that he was helpless to get sympathy, but he was actually feeling much better. Tomorrow he could get back to work. Of course, we may be doomed to eating what Paul can cook. I haven't had Spaghettios since we were roommates!"

******** % Part 6

Paul had been looking to tonight's dinner with Donny with mixed anticipation and anxiety all week. Clearly, the events of the past week had brought them to a new threshold in the relationship, but crossing the threshold set about pangs of uncertainty about what other thresholds might lie ahead. Sunday's incident and the coincidence of Kit being out of town this weekend had spurred a set of fantasies he hadn't realized he was capable of having.

He had come to the conclusion that he had been curious about Donny and the possibility of a more sexual relationship for some time now, but he had wanted Donny to initiate it. And of course, Donny wouldn't start anything because Paul was straight and he didn't want to jeapardize their friendship. Suddenly, Paul wasn't quite so sure about being straight anymore. The more he thought about it, the more he longed for Donny to start something tonight. He wanted to spend the night caressing that taut tawny bo dy in his bed.

But wouldn't that be cheating on Kit? No, he decided. He didn't want to have sex with Donny, really, he just wanted to be able to express the sense of closeness that he had discovered. And the closeness he wanted give meant holding him. And waking up in the morning with him. The idea of sex with another guy was still pretty scary to Paul. It probably wouldn't be as simple as Sunday night, and likely not as spontaneous. And it certainly wouldn't be like sex with Kit.

The sound of Donny's voice as he came in the door, shook Paul from his thoughts. He looked over to him, grinning as he wiped his hand dry from the lettuce that he had been rinsing at the sink. Donny was radiant as ever. His dark hair had been combed for a change, but the rest of his appearance was typical. From his boat mocs without shoes and his tattered jeans to the tail of his tee shirt sticking out from the bottom of the inside-out sweatshirt he was wearing, Paul began realized for the first time wh at had really attracted him to Donny in the first place. He had told himself it was the rebel nature that had drawn him. Now, in light of the week's introspection, he began to acknowledge that Donny was quite good looking.

Donny said something and Paul snapped back to the present. But he'd missed what had been said, and had muttered ``huh?'' about the same time he had figured it out.

``Barbequed chicken,'' he responded to the decifered question. He gave one last look down the length of Donny's back, and quickly looked up when Donny unexpectly turned around.

Donny grinned. He had caught Paul looking at him. In the years that they had been close friends, he had never known Paul to notice his appearance. And he had tried so hard to make him notice in those early years. He had hoped beyond hope those years ago for Paul to just check him out in the showers in the dorm. Or to encourage him to wear a certain look. He had resigned himself long ago to the fact that Paul liked him for his mind and companionship and not his looks. But that might be changing.

``Want a beer?'' Paul asked. He pulled two out of the refrigerator without waiting for a reply. He opened them and handed one to Donny.

``How's your shoulder?''

``It's fine. If you hadn't torn my shirt, I wouldn't even know anything had happened.'' As he said it, he was aware of the irony. He wouldn't have known he had been injured Sunday, but the other events of the day had left an indelible change in his life. And in Paul's approach to him it seemed.

``What do you want to do after dinner?'' Donny asked, and Paul coughed on the beer he had tried swallow. He had been caught in another fantasy. Hopefully Donny would not figure out how much he seemed to drift away tonight.

``It's getting dark early now. There isn't much we could do outside. We could rent a video or go to a movie. I haven't been left as a bachelor for some time... I would be lost going out on the town.''

``Let's rent a video and stay in,'' Donny decided and Paul agreed. Paul grabbed the plate of chicken and headed to the barbeque grill with Donny opening the doors on the way.

% Part 7 %

Paul lay with Donny's head tucked under his chin, unable to sleep. He looked at the easiness of Donny's breathing, his own measured exchanges softly rocking Donny, a sailboat sleeping in an early morning harbor. There was comfort in feeling the weight of Donny's thigh and hip fitting into the contours of his own. With the comfort, came the uneasiness as thoughts darted into his consciousness.

Thinking of Kit was unavoidable, laying in the bed that he had never shared with anyone but her. How would she react to knowing. He tried to convince himself that nothing had really happened. i

Strickly speaking, he knew this was true. He had wanted to do more, but Donny had stopped him. Donny had been insistent about not having sex. That it would be too soon. And the unspoken truth that there was Kit to consider. Paul had resorted to the lateness of the hour and the glow of the wine to convince Donny that he should spend the night instead of going home.

Nothing had happened, but everything had changed. Paul realized as he absently stroked the curve of Donny's back that he had fallen in love. And confusion reigned in his head. Why hadn't this happened so long ago, when they were roommates. Before Kit. When Donny would have killed to have Paul fall in love with him, and Paul had been clueless about it all. Maybe it had taken the injury, and the touch of Donny's body to awaken these feelings.

Donny stretched and nuzzled against the warmth of Paul's chest, drifting back to sleep as Paul felt the hardness against his thigh. He was caught by the smooth gentle contours of the body he held. He had always been drawn by Donny's appearance. An appearance that hadn't changed since their college days, while Paul had gradually aged. He still cut a fine form, working out as often as possible to keep in shape. But the blond curls of his youth had thinned some with the yellow being replaced by a paler shade that he refused to admit was grey. The lines of his face were the service marks of his early career successes.

The career successes. He had acquired the birthright of the best friend who lay in his arms. True, he had not sought the riches of Donny's father, but he had accepted the opportunities when they were given. Donny's father. What would he think if he could see them now. He had rejected Donny as an heir to the family industry, telling Paul that he had always wanted a line of grandsons to continue a dynasty that began with him. His disgust at raising a gay son was thinly disguised in his choice of Paul as their apparent. Paul and the undoubted legions of sons he was certain to sire. No, he told himself, he had followed the course up through the company, at Donny's insistence. Donny openly disregarded everything of wealth and power that his father could offer him, and had made his disinterent plain. But he had also realized the opportunity that it provided an outsider, and he had wanted to see that the power of his family was bestowed on friend rather than foe. And that friend had been him.

% part 8 %

Neither Kit nor Paul had slept since going to bed, but each pretended to sleep in hopes of convincing the other. A change had come over Paul in the last month that had made him restless at night and somehow remote the other times they were together. Something had been troubling him, and Kit tried imagine the source. He obviously was trying to shield it from her, but she wasn't sure if that was to protect her or if she was the cause of the problem and he didn't know how to approach it. She imagined the worst. His job was in trouble? Unlikely, she thought. Paul was clearly Eliot's favorite, and destined to be Eliot's replacement when he chose to retire. Maybe the company was in trouble. It was possible, with the economy being what it is, but she would have seen other signs if that was true.

Maybe it was another woman. A lovely coworker, perhaps? No, she knew everyone at Paul's office. Some were quite attractive, but Paul never seemed to notice. It seemed more likely he was having an affair with Donny. That thought always stopped her in her tracks. She knew that their friendship was very special, and of course Donny was gay, but everytime she had considered the possibility that it was more than friendship, she felt foolish and paranoid. Paul would have treated Donny much more differently if there had been a sexual attraction. They were more like brothers than anything else.

But Paul had started behaving differently around Donny. Although Paul had been distant to her for a while, she had originally detected his remoteness last month whenever she brought Donny's name up. He didn't stop by as frequently for the dinners as he had for years, and whenever he did, Paul was silent to both of them. He avoided eye contact with Donny now, at least when she was around. The usually greeting and goodbye hugs seemed stiff and formal instead of the old warmth. Donny's hugs to her were the same as always, but then Paul was noticeably uncomfortable touching Donny. And that had never been the case.

She noticed Donny was watching him for signs just as she was. Maybe he was on the outside too. This whole thing was probably a paranoid fabrication of her own making. She had always been attracted to Donny, couldn't help but think Paul would be also. Donny was as clueless as she.

They both sensed trouble, though. No doubt about it. Maybe it was the thirties thing. An early start on midlife crisis? It seemed unlikely, but what else could it be?

Paul rolled over on his back. He was closer now, and she took the opportunity to snuggle over to him and wrap her arm across his chest. She tucked her hand into the warm between his arm and ribs and stroked absently.

She mustered the courage to ask gently, ``What's wrong, honey?''

``It's alot of things. I don't know...'' Paul said. His suspicion that Kit ahd been awake too was right. He didn't want to talk, but maybe it was what he needed. He hoped she would leave it at that.

``Is it me? Is there something I did?---''

``No, it's not you.'' He was still reluctant to talk, but he hadn't realized that she might consider herself responsible for what was happening to him. He wanted to reassure her somehow.

``Is it something at work?''

``No, it's nothing like that. I just need some time to work things out on my own. It involves you, but you aren't the problem.''

``Are you sick?'' She hadn't thought of that option until now.

``No, it's not that either.'' As Paul said it, he thought it ironic that for so long, society would consider it a sickness. Certainly Donny's father Eliot did.

``Listen, Kit, I'm not ready to talk about it now. I have to sort through a lot of stuff before I can let the outside world. I want to talk about it, but not yet.''

``Does Donny know? Can he help?''

Paul froze. He couldn't lie to Kit, and he couldn't give an honest answer without bringing everything out now.

``I can't talk to him about it yet, either,'' he hedged. It was true. He hadn't been able to tell Donny all of the awakenings he had felt. But he knew that had to happen soon.