Somewhere I Have Never Travelled 7
Outside the train on his way back from spending the night with Rob, he stared out the window, his next tome, Vanity Fair, lying unread on his lap. The snow was coming down sideways and he felt there was something right about it. Rob's words were comforting in a way, but he also knew he felt more complicated about Sam. Or not about Sam, but about how to be around Sam, because if he really did have some gay tendencies, then what was he to do? Certainly their little "sessions" were ever so slightly gay, but he felt it was something he could not name out loud, nor could he push the limits, which is what he most wanted to do, especially now that he knew this.
He tried to imagine Sam as a young teenager, with Rob, but rather than finding it exciting, it just sounded sad to him. They must have been so lonely and confused.
He opened the door to their room, to find Sam lying on his bed, for a change. With the end of term upon them, there wasn't much to do. Sam jumped off the bed, smiling.
"How was the visit? Did you get any sleep?" and he looked mischievous.
"Oh you know, a few minutes here and there. What's up here?"
"I was just lying here feeling relieved to be done for a few weeks. You and I worked our tails off and got straight A's. We should celebrate!"
He felt the truth of this, with relief and happiness, especially in sharing it all with Sam. "Now that sounds good. Let's go."
They headed to a student pub which, by this point in the year, was almost empty. The server put down their pints and they clinked glasses before taking a big sip. Mark watched him drink, admiring his face, as usual, his angular jaw. He sighed inwardly, not sure what to do.
They talked easily, as always, about many things, personal and political and the afternoon became early evening. By this point they were slightly tipsy. "Say, I've been meaning to ask you...the winter break is almost here and Rob and I are headed to Quebec for the holidays. Do you want to come with...I know it's short notice, but given what you said about your dad and all, I thought you might like a change."
Mark looked at him with surprise and a smile broke out on his face before could stop it. "That sounds...amazing! Thank you so much. It would be great to be with you and Rob and away from the dark cloud of my dad." This would be yet another first. They clinked glasses again to mark the decision.
So the next few days were spent in preparation. Mark wandered the town doing a bit of shopping, getting a gift for Rob and Sam, some little things for their parents, although that was hard since he had never bought gifts for adults who actually enjoyed getting gifts. His father usually grunted at the pair of socks he opened without much enthusiasm. He found a nice scarf for Rob, and a sweater for Sam, although he was afraid he had spent too much on it. But then he thought, this is what scholarships are for, right? He picked up a few bottles of wine and as he came into their room, saw Sam's belongings spread all over the place.
"What on earth...?"
"Oh don't worry...I like doing inventory at the end of every term to see what I might need to bring for the next one. Nothing so far."
Rob was coming the next morning early, so they packed up all their stuff and headed to bed.
At around seven, there was a knock at the door. "Hey you reprobates. Put on your clothes and let's get going. I've been up since four, so you have nothing to complain about."
They groaned and put themselves together while Rob watched, saying they couldn't have coffee until they had actually got in the car. Mark smiled shyly at Rob, who reached out and touched his cheek while Sam had his back turned. He wondered why they did that.
Mark felt cozy in the car during the long drive to Quebec and they talked of many things: plans for the future, books they were reading, politics. Rob told a funny story about a guy he had been seeing last year who had an interesting kink involving feet and socks, which made them all laugh. Mark slept for a long time, realizing how tired he was by the term that just ended, and feeling very safe curled up in the back seat. At one point he woke up, and Sam was asleep in the front and Rob was just staring at the road. "How are you?" he said quietly, not wanting to wake Sam.
"Oh, fine. A little tired. But we'll be there in a couple of hours, so I'm going to just blast through and not stop. You guys looked comfy so I didn't want to wake you." Mark fell asleep again to the gentle hum of the car.
He woke up as they drove up a narrow road with tall evergreens on both sides and snow was gently falling. "Where are we?"
Sam turned and said, "We're almost there. Just another few kilometres." The road seemed to go on and on until Rob turned off at a laneway that was even narrower that snaked up a little incline and ended at a good-sized log house. It almost seemed like something from the Brothers Grimm and he half excepted to see a wood-cutter or a wolf or both.
When he opened the car the air was crisp and silent, bathing them in stillness. The brothers both took deep breaths and looked at each other, smiling. Sam put his arm around his shoulders and said, "This is the place. Kinda magic isn't it?"
He smiled sleepily and they gathered their bags and went into the house. There was a big room with a giant fireplace on one wall. They could see the heads of two people who turned and greeted them with hugs and questions. He was introduced and felt welcomed. This is what a reasonably good family looks like, he thought.
The next couple of days were spent in Christmas mode. They each had a small bedroom and although he fantasied about sneaking into Rob's room, he felt it would be rude, or something. They had a long, comfortable Christmas dinner. The parents were relaxed and didn't drink, which he realized should have been obvious. They had clearly done their work and now had good, healthy lives. Something his father was not capable of -- at least not now.
Boxing Day, Rob and Sam's parents said goodbye as they were driving to Quebec City to catch a plane to Hawaii. The boys pretended to be jealous, but Mark could tell they were anxious for them to leave.
They were sitting in front of the fire, just the three of them, watching the flames. Mark could almost taste the quiet. It was amazing and he realized he had never experienced such silence before. It felt like a warm blanket.
They spent the day playing games and getting stoned. Mark and Sam decided to make dinner together, realizing they both love to cook. They seemed to have a an ease about them and several times he caught Rob watching them with a little smile on his face.
After dinner and a fair bit of wine, Rob asked if anyone wanted to go for a walk in the snow. Sam, who was half dozing on the sofa in front of the fire, just grunted and waved them away. He and Rob bundled up and walked toward the edge of the slope, a few lights in the distance could be seen, but overall there was just the glow of moonlight from the while expanses below them, and otherwise silence.
"I was thinking about Sam on the way up here. While you two were napping, I might add. I had to do something." and he nudged Mark who was standing beside him, gazing into the distance.
"Oh yeah, what were you thinking."
"I was wondering what he would do if you made a move...maybe not, like, throw yourself at him. But a clear expression of how you felt. Because I know you feel a lot. It's all over your face when you're with him."
Mark looked at Rob for a moment, then back to the expanse in front of them. "A move, huh. You think it's worth trying?"
"I think so. Sam is obviously open to being sexual with a guy -- or at least me. So maybe he's open to more. It kind of makes sense, right?"
He looked up to the stars, not hoping for an answer there, but hoping for...what? A sign? "Yeah, it makes sense. But I'm scared."
"I think you are more capable than you imagine. You threw yourself at me, after all."
"I suppose. But you were a willing victim..." and he stopped, looking to see how Rob felt about that. Seeing only care, he said, " Let's see what happens."
As they walked in the living room they could smell pot, and see Sam sprawled on the sofa, watching the fire.
"How is it out there? Any stars?"
"Tons of them. How are things in here," and Rob came into the room and sat in one of the armchairs by the fire. Mark hesitated and Rob looked at him meaningfully. He sat beside Sam on the sofa, who had now sat up, handing him the pipe. The air was heavy with the scent. "Join the party..." was all Sam said.
He took a long drag from the pipe and felt himself begin to tingle. He hoped it would loosen his tongue. Sam sat near him, his legs on the coffee table in front of them, and Mark turned and just looked at him, watching him breath, watching him settle a little into the warm fabric of the sofa, and then realized he was being watched. "What? Did I do something wrong?"
"Nope. You're just fine....um...I'm going to do something and I don't want you to freak out. OK?"
"Ok, your scaring me a little."
"Well, we'll see..."
And leaned over to Sam's face, stopping a few centimetres from him, then leaned a little more so their lips just touched. He leaned back a bit to see Sam's expression which was surprised and his eyebrows raised a bit. Then he leaned forward again and kissed more firmly, more intensely, opening his mouth a little, shifting the angle of his head to feel more of Sam's lips. They he sat back, almost dizzy with excitement and fear.
"Wow." was all Sam said and he looked back at the fire. "What's this mean?"
"Well, I guess that was a way of saying how much I like you, am attracted to you, am...well in to you. What do you think of that?" He had wanted to say more, but held back.
Sam gave a low chuckle, and reached out to grab a glass with something brown in it. He took a sip then put it back. He looked across the table at his brother who sat there, silent, just watching. "What do you think, bro?"
"I don't think anything. It seems to me Mark has just thrown down the gauntlet and it's your turn."
Sam looked at his hands for a moment, then turned to look at Mark. "Well...why don't you do that again and see what happens." Mark realized the words sounded cocky, but the tone was anything but. He sounded almost...scared.
"You sure?"
"Yeah. Or at least I want to find out."
So Mark leaned in again and kissed him. He slid himself closer to Sam and kissed him again, more eagerly and Sam seemed to let him, even pushing back. Then he leaned back, regarding Mark's face. "This feels weird...we've been living together for four months...but I didn't imagine getting here, with you..."
"You didn't? Well, I did."
Sam didn't respond in words, but he did respond. He reached forward and began unbuttoning Mark's shirt: slowly, deliberately. He slid it off him and just looked at Mark's chest, as if he hadn't seen it before. Then he pulled off his own sweater and t-shirt. He looked over at Rob, who was still watching them, intently, with an odd expression, interested but a bit sad. He and Sam seemed to exchange a wordless message, for Rob stood up and walked over to the sofa. He leaned down and kissed Mark, then, to Mark's amazement, leaned in and kissed Sam, holding his face in his hands. Then he turned, pulled something out of his pocket, put it on the table, and walked up the stairs.
Sam watched him go and it seemed almost wistfully, but he turned his gaze back to Mark and smiled. It was the smile Mark had been wanting to see for some time that day. He took Sam's face in his hands and kissed him hungrily. Sam pushed him back on the sofa then stopped and looking at him. "I've seen you so many times without clothes...but this is different, don't you think?"
Mark nodded and began to undo Sam's pants. Sam helped him by briefly standing up and pulling them off, then reaching down to Mark's fly, undoing it and stripped him naked. Both of them were naked, and hard, and just looking at each other. "I'm new to this, Mark. I mean, I've fooled around with a guy here and there, but not this..."
"Well, I think we're in the same boat -- or on the same sofa," and he chuckled. "We'll see what happens."
Mark reached out and took Sam's cock in his hand, something he'd been wanting to do for months. He held it, then began to stroke it, leaning forward, sitting up a little so he could get his mouth closer. Sam just watched him. He began to lap at the end, sucking the head in his mouth while slowing sliding his hand up and down. Sam moaned and put his hands on his shoulders. The touch was so simple that it was almost too intense. He sucked Sam down to the base then back, looking up to see his gasp.
He pulled off Sam's length and began to kiss his way up his belly, his abdomen, licking his nipples, his neck then finding his mouth. And they both became hungry for each other and Sam found a burst of energy. He pushed Mark back on the sofa and buried his face in Mark, licking everywhere, finally taking his cock, a bit uncertainly, into his mouth, and something, it seemed, about the taste, made him engulf him, in quick thrusts.
Mark was overcome, and not just by the intensity of the sensation, but by the fact that Sam was responsible for it. He moaned and threw his head back, while Sam watched him. He pulled,
"This is good?"
"Do you have to ask?"
"I guess not!" and he went back to filling his mouth with Mark, working his tongue around the head as he took him in. It seemed Sam was a fast learner. Perhaps he had done this before? And he thought of Rob upstairs, wondering if he was feeling left out. But the thought drifted away in the winds of feeling that swept over him.
Sam came off him, and they kissed for a while longer, grinding themselves into each other, and he could feel the slickness between them. Sam came up for air, and reached for his drink. "This is...amazing, Mark. Intense. But amazing. I suppose I want to say out loud that I'm very glad this is happening, but it's a bit...unexpected? No, not that. It's not like I didn't catch myself wondering..."
Mark smiled. He held Sam's cock in his hand, giving it a few strokes as he looked at him. "Uh, I was wondering...do you feel like...maybe, if you're in the mood...fucking me? I would like that more than I can actually find words for." and he realized he meant it as he spoke.
Sam raised his eyebrows and looked at the fire and Mark followed his eyes. He also saw, as he looked, what Rob had left them on the table before he left...and reached forward and took the bottle of lube.
"Rob left us a present." Sam looked at the bottle and laughed. "I think that was his blessing." and he laughed again. He looked at Mark, suddenly serious. "Could you...you know...help me with this? I've never...well not a guy, anyway...let me know if there's something I should be doing or not...ok, now I feel dumb."
"Not dumb at all. I just learned myself, so I guess I'm a bit ahead of you..." and he didn't say with whom because it was obvious.
He took the lube and opened it, pouring some in one hand. He brought this to Sam's cock, slicking it up and Sam moaned and threw his head back. "Fuck, that's intense!" He looked down at Mark. "Now...?"
Mark took some more lube and spread it in his hole, making it slippery. He pushed some inside him with his fingers so that the whole thing was wet and tingly. "Ok, your turn." and he slid toward him and lifted his legs so that his ankles reached Sam's shoulders and his ass was in contact with his hardness. He pushed himself forward, encouraging him to find his opening, and he did, as if by instinct or experience. Mark laughed. "It can't be much different from here than with a girl?"
But Sam shook his head. "No. It's different. It's because it's you." and he began to press harder, gradually slipping inside Mark, into his depths, all the way so that their bodies connected right there at the root. Mark groaned loudly, and turned to one side, but Sam reached forward and turned his face to him, looking him right in eyes. They just gazed at each other, as Sam began to move his hips, began a rhythm, and his cock slid in and almost all the way out. They both moaned and Sam bent down and their lips met, and they were still moaning as he pumped. They were getting sweaty and Mark could feel drops from Sam to him, some going into his mouth. His skin felt radiant as they moved in tandem, Sam's cock reaching deeper, it seemed, with every thrust.
Mark looked up into his face and they both managed a smile, despite their breathlessness and Sam's eyes were smiling. He felt an urge start in his belly that just rushed to his lips. "Sam, I gotta say, I love you, so much..." and he stopped as if the words would break a spell. But Sam continued to look into him and reached closer and in midst of the intense fucking, kissed him with a tenderness that seemed impossible. And with that, Mark began to cum, seemingly in sheets of sticky ecstasy, rushing out of him like spring. It hit his face and Sam's face, and their chest and pooled on Mark's belly. He gasped and gasped and Sam kept pounding harder, and he fought for breath beneath all this pleasure and Sam began to moan in synch with his thrusts and then he froze, his whole body shuddering, then back in motion and Mark could feel himself being filled with cum, and Sam reached down to kiss him, whimpering, then back and gasping.
"Holy hell!" was all he said. He kissed Mark again. "Holy fucking hell!" They both laughed and Sam collapsed on him, breathing as if he had run up a few flights of stairs. Then he leaned back, looking at the mess on Mark's abdomen. He leaned back a little farther and took his cock in his hand which had a dribble of cum at the end and he took it in his mouth, sucking him very gently, taking all his juices in. And licked Mark's belly, his chest, kissed his chin, taking in more cum and then kissed his mouth definitely, firmly.
He fell forward on the sofa, but on his side, so that he was looking at Mark, who lay, gaping at the ceiling. He turned to Sam, with a smile.
"Everything all right?"
"Everything is just fine." and laughed. "I did hear what you said. I just want to make sure you know that."
Mark knew what he was talking about. He nudged his chin underneath Sam's, feeling dozy. They lay like this for some time, listening to the fire crackling as it died down, feeling heat of their bodies, their stickiness. At one point Sam reached behind the them to pull a blanket that was draped on the back of the sofa over them both. He kissed Mark's forehead and lay back and they both slept.
Sam woke to a room half lit by the dawn. The fire was out and the house was completely silent. The smell of woodsmoke was strong. He sat up and manoeuvred Mark's head into his lap, and just watched him sleep. He watched for some time, aware of his breathing and his stomach gurgling. He dozed for a while, his hands on Mark's chest. Mark awoke slowly, his eyes unfocused, until he realized Sam was looking down at him.
"Good morning? Is it morning?"
"It's morning, but really early. How did you sleep?"
"Like a baby? A log. I can't think right now..." and stopped as if remembering what happened before he fell asleep. He looked up at Sam as if searching for something. Sam looked back, and started to talk.
"I'm mostly straight. You know that, right?"
"Yeah, so?"
"So, for me to fall for you would be an exception, right?"
"Ok, an exception. I get it. But just to remind you of the fact that your cock was buried in me, oh, about six hours ago is still true no matter what you say. So what does that mean?"
"It means, Mark - and I just realized this about ten minutes ago -- that I'm making an exception." and then he stopped, shaking his head. "That didn't come out right. I guess I'm in love with you -- I mean I am in love with you, but I was not expecting it and I almost didn't believe it until this morning." and he looked down at Mark who looked back at him, with something like amazement. He leaned down and kissed him: just a brush of his lips.
"I guess my straight parts kept tried to convince me that I was just getting off with you, and that it didn't mean anything beyond friendship. But when you slept with Rob, something happened."
"Was that a bad thing to do, because if it was, I'm sorry." but Mark was still reeling from the l- word.
"No, no. You had every right to go after him. He's a stud and he's a really really good person. When he kissed you, and then me, I felt like he was saying something to me..." he stopped and swallowed. "Did Rob tell you about what we got up to when we were teenagers."
"He did."
"I thought he might. We stopped as soon as Rob left home, just so we're clear on that front."
"He told me that too."
"Good. I want things to be clear between the three of us. He is my brother and all." he stopped, emotion suffusing his face. "And I do love you, now that I know what the hell I'm feeling. I haven't felt this since...no. I've never felt this way for anyone. And I think it started soon after you moved in...you remember that day."
"How could I forget. I was terrified and you were so welcoming and cool...I think my crush started the first day as well."
"I figured. I saw it, but didn't want to see it. I was still getting over...well...whats-her-name."
"Rob told me about her as well."
"Man, that guy. It's hard to have secrets around someone so open about everything! But there was something...no there is something about you. You know that e e cummings poem about...fuck...how does it go... i do not know what it is about you that closes and opens...or something like that. Anyway, I'm glad you took the chance last night, even though I have a feeling I would eventually have done something similar if you hadn't...but I'm so glad you did." and smiled at him.
After talking quietly for a while, the light outside increased and the sun came through the windows. They could hear the creaking of the wood of the house as it warmed. Sam wrapped himself in the blanket and started the fire. As he was doing this, Rob came down, wearing a dressing gown. He smiled at the scene: Mark, naked on the sofa, and Sam building a fire wearing only a blanket.
"Well I see you two had a nice night. Who wants coffee?" and he strode into the kitchen.