Somewhere I Have Never Travelled 24
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After the Christmas break and through the colder days of winter, Tomas, between long stretches of practising, found that Steve was more present, more interested, more alluring. They had a bunch of dates, many nights of sex and it was lovely to spend time with a new person, getting to know them, being known. Steve seemed to be head over heels and that also felt really nice.
They spent time just the two of them, but also upstairs with Mark. He couldn't bring himself to tell Steve that he and Mark were close, had sex, were intimate in various ways. Mark seemed to be pleased Tomas was exploring something with another guy, but he felt Steve wouldn't understand. He still wondered if Steve had heard them the morning after the first time they had sex. That the sex he had with Mark afterward was, he realized, more intense and uninhibited. But he enjoyed Steve. He was funny and warm and affectionate.
In March, he asked Tomas if he wanted to go to Toronto and stay in a hotel. An extravagant weekend in the big city.
He hugged Steve, kissing his him, saying "That sounds amazing! Let's do it."
Steve looked pleased, and booked them some train tickets. They left on a Friday morning, getting into Toronto that afternoon. They dumped their stuff in their hotel room -- an expense Tomas wanted to pay for, but Steve insisted it was his treat. They had dinner in a nice restaurant and wandered Queen St, watching people, stopping for a drink here and there and holding hands as if it was there first date.
Later, they sat in a jazz club, sipping martinis and listened to some very mellow saxophone. Tomas looked wistful.
"I wish I could play stuff like this."
"Why can't you start?"
"Oh, it's like a whole other language, and one that I can understand to listen to, but to play? No way. I would need to start all over again."
"Oh come on. You're so good. I'm sure you would pick it up."
Tomas felt slightly irritated, but he let it go. "I can fake it, if I really try. I can do the moves, so to speak, but to actually sit down and do that, to improvise a whole world? That's something I've never done."
"I can't begin to understand. I've never played any instrument."
"You can always start now. My cousin started violin when he was forty."
Steve laughed. "Wow. Amazing. But I think I might be tone deaf or something. I can barely sing Happy Birthday."
Tomas reached across the table and caressed his cheek.
They sat for a while longer listening, sipping their drinks. Tomas always felt like he should smoke listening to jazz. But you can't smoke anywhere these days, he remembered. "Let's go back to the hotel. I'm beat."
They wandered back, enjoying the mild air that was probably just a cosmic joke as it would most likely snow next week.
Back in their room, Steve stopped him when they got inside the door. He undid Tomas's jacket and and neatly folded it and put it on the chair. He undid Tomas's shirt, one button at a time, pulling it out of his pants. Tomas just watched him, fascinated by how methodical he was. He opened his pants and slid them down his legs. Tomas was surprised that he felt so passive, just watching Steve. He was in his underwear and his cock was half hard, pushing the fabric out.
Steve took his own coat off, then his shirt. He was standing in his pants. He led Tomas to the bed, pulling them both down so they were lying face to face. Steve leaned in and kissed him, at first softly, but then suddenly harder, driving his tongue into Tomas's mouth. He reached down and practically tore off Tomas's underwear, grabbing his cock and squeezing it.
Tomas, a little unprepared, tried to follow along. He reached for Steve's pants and undid them, sliding them down his blonde furred legs, slipping him out of his bikini briefs and their cocks met, shooting bolts of pleasure through his body. He reached down and took Steve's cock and his in his hand, mashing them together. Steve grunted and began to kiss him again.
Steve kissed his way down Tomas's neck, his shoulders and began to nibble on his nipples. He stopped and looked up at Tomas. "You're so sexy." was all he said. Tomas smiled at him and wrapped his legs around his torso, bringing his cock in contact with Steve, and they rubbed against each other. Tomas could feel his cock becoming slippery. He wanted to taste Steve, so he slid down so he could reach his cock, sucking the head, exploring it with his tongue. Steven moaned and threw his head back.
He came off Steve and looked up at him. "Do you want to fuck me?"
"If you want me to."
Tomas thought about this for a moment realizing he was uncertain, but then he said, "Yes. I want you to."
He got up and dug in his bag and tossed the lube to Steve. He lay back on the bed and just watched him, watched him lube himself up, slowly rubbing the head of his cock, enjoying the slippery feelings. When Steve slipped a few fingers in him, he asked if he should be on his back.
"How about on your side. I want to fuck you from behind."
Tomas turned on his side, still working on his cock, and Steve lay down behind him, wrapping his arms around him and his cock slid into the cleft of his ass and he began to slide it across it, breathing into Tomas's ear. Steve's cock was slippery and he found he was pushing back on it, trying to position his cock right at the centre of him, trying to get him to slide inside him. Finally Steve pushed and slid in with a gasp. Tomas was startled, but began to enjoy the surprising nature of this guy, the way things seemed too predictable, but then actually never were.
Like being fucked this way. What way was that? But Steve was starting to get insistent and he was jamming himself into Tomas, holding his hips for traction. Tomas began to pump his own length, the tingly feeling from his ass starting to spread. Steve was kissing his neck, licking his ears. He started to fist his cock a bit harder as Steve fucked that much harder. The breath in his ear became ragged, and with a cry, Steve was over the edge and he could feel his ass becoming slick with his juices.
Tomas was still working hard, still pumping. He turned around, pulling Steve from his ass, and now face to face, he asked,
"Do you want to suck me?"
"No, you go for it. I want to watch."
Tomas took his speed up. He reached around to his ass and felt Steve's cum dribbling out and he collected some on his fingers and brought them to his cock, adding lubrication. Steve watched in almost wonder, as if he had never seen such a thing.
With a final choked sound, he came in a relatively slow gush of cum that covered his hand and dribbled onto Steve's arm. Steve smiled and kissed him, then got up and found a towel. He wiped Tomas's hand, his cock, and his own stomach, throwing the towel to the floor.
He lay back down behind Tomas, and pulled a blanket around them both. Tomas felt really tired and fell asleep almost immediately.
When he woke, light was pouring in the window. Steve was still asleep, lying on his back, the sheet only half covering him. Tomas looked at his body with its blonde hair, curled on his chest, and legs, and blonder still around his cock, which was half hard. He leaned in and took him in his mouth, enjoying the almost clandestine feeling of sucking someone in their sleep.
But Steve woke up and laughed. "What are you doing?"
"What do you think?"
"Oh, you're...oh. That feels amazing."
Tomas lazily and insistently sucked him, sometimes holding on with his hand quite firmly while still sucking in the head. Steve was moaning and swearing under his breath. After few more times holding his thickness in his fist, Steve said,
"Holy fuck, holy fuck, here I go."
And Tomas felt a few spurts hit his tongue which he swallowed, soon just a dribble.
Steven sighed and ruffled his hair. "Thanks. That was amazing."
Tomas slid up and kissed him, knowing that Steve could taste himself.
They lay for a while, wondering what to do that day. As they lay there, Tomas became aware that Steve was thinking, he was just staring at the ceiling. "What's going through that head of yours?"
Steve looked over at him. "Oh...just thinking. About, well, us."
"Us. Interesting."
"Kind of...I mean...are we exclusive...or can we be?"
In that moment, Tomas knew this would be coming. He sighed and snuggled into Steve's chest. "I don't know. I'm not usually the exclusive type, if I'm going to be honest."
Steve looked at him, not saying anything. He looked back at the ceiling. "You and Mark..."
Tomas felt a bit awkward. This was not how he imagined the conversation going. "Yeah, Mark and I. He's very important to me." He didn't even want to mention Sam at this point.
"How important?"
"He's important. I don't know how else to put it."
"You two had sex the morning after our first time. Sound travel well in our building. I wasn't sure for a while what you were doing, but now I get it."
"Is that weird...for you?"
"I don't know. It was unexpected, I guess."
Tomas sat up and crossed his legs, just looking at Steve.
"Do you...do it often?"
"Whenever the mood strikes us, I guess. How do you feel about that?"
"I really like you, Tomas. I really, really like you...so I'm a bit conflicted. Or something."
"I think I understand. From the outside, I suppose what Mark and I do is...I don't know. Unconventional?"
"Yeah. I suppose that's a good word. Anyway, I don't mean to put you on the spot. I was just sharing a little of what I'm feeling. We can talk about this another time."
"Sure. Whenever you want."
They got back to their apartment on Sunday night. Tomas kissed Steve for a long time in the little foyer, then went upstairs. Mark was there, working at his desk. He smiled at him when he walked in. "How was it?"
"It was really nice. He's such a good guy..."
"But...?"
"I don't know. I think I freaked him out a little. He did hear us the morning after our first date. I think it confuses him. I told him you were an important part of my life. I'm not sure how he took it, but I'm sure we'll talk about it again. Anyway...I'm beat and I have a ton of practising to do tomorrow, so I'm going to head to bed."
Mark got up and hugged him close, and kissed him once and sent him down the hall to his bedroom. He lay in bed, however, not sleeping very well.
He invited Steve up for dinner the following Saturday. He roasted a chicken and opened some wine. Mark managed to make a cake. "You're learning. How sweet." Mark smacked him on the ass. "I'm doing pretty good, so you be quiet."
Steve came upstairs about an hour later. They had a nice dinner, talking easily and freely. Mark seemed to be on his best behaviour and tried very hard to include Steve in all conversations. When they finished eating, they moved into the living room. Mark sat on a chair, and the other two on the sofa, close, but not touching.
Steve asked Mark what his thesis was on, and Mark tried to condense it down, but failed. Tomas could see it was hard for him to be concise. They were silent for a moment, then Steve asked,
"Hey Mark, are you and Sam...like together?"
"Totally together."
Mark glanced at Tomas, as if for confirmation of something. Steve was silent, but he looked to Tomas as if he was puzzled. I suppose it makes sense that he is, Tomas thought. "How long?"
Laughing, Mark said, "It depends on who you talk to. For the purposes of clarity, let's say...two and a half years, give or take four months." Tomas laughed,
Steve laughed. "Right. That makes so much sense."
"Well you know. We started a little ambiguously."
Steve smiled. "It sounds like there's a story or two there."
Tomas took Steve's hand. "You could say that."
Steve looked at Mark."Have you and Tomas ever...hooked up?"
Tomas looked at Steve, a little surprised. He realized this was starting to feel strange. Mark seemed to take the question in stride, not reacting. "Sure we have." The way he answered the question, Tomas realized, made it very hard to ask another one, so the conversation ended.
Tomas got up from the sofa. "I don't know about anyone else, but I need to get to sleep." He turned to Steve. "Should we stay up here or go downstairs?"
"Let's go downstairs." Tomas hugged Mark and Steve shook his hand.
Once in bed, Steve turned on his side and looked at Tomas. "Things are complicated up there."
"How so?" He felt a little defensive.
"Oh, I mean: Who is sleeping with who, that kind of thing."
"Right. But what makes that complicated?"
He could tell that Steve wasn't expecting the tone of voice he gave him.
"I'm just trying to figure things out."
Tomas was getting angry and he wasn't sure why, but he managed to relax and they feel asleep, limbs entwined.
As the winter faded and spring thought about arriving, he saw Steve regularly, staying over at least once a week. He and Mark also had sex and they agreed for the sake of Steve, they would be as quiet as they could. Even more, on the night when he and Mark curled up on the sofa watching TV, they felt a little self-conscious, wondering what Steve would think of them wrapped together as they were. And they often slept together which also made them wonder.
"How do you feel about Steve?" Mark asked one morning over coffee. They were naked in bed, having had sex. They wondered if Steve could hear them, and it was no longer exciting to them if he had.
"I don't know...I really like him. He's such a good guy. But whatever he imagines our lives are like up here kind of bothers him."
"Do you think you need to tell him? I mean more?"
"Maybe I do." Tomas sighed. "But I don't want to because I have a feeling I know how it will end."
But he did tell him. The next time he stayed over downstairs. They had had sex and were still a little sweaty, lying in the messy sheets. He turned to Steve.
"So...if we keep seeing each other, and I hope we do, I want things to be clear between us."
"Ok..." Steve looked a little uncomfortable.
"So, Mark and Sam and I. Well, we have a unique arrangement. He and Sam are a couple. A really strong couple. But I am like part of their relationship, if that makes any sense. But I've always told them if I meet someone and felt strongly enough about them, I may not be. I guess I'm wondering if I have. Does that make sense?"
"I think so. So you three. Are in a kind of relationship?"
"Yeah. A kind of relationship."
"And you're trying to decide if what we're doing is also a relationship."
"Right. A more important relationship."
Steve was clearly thinking about all this, because he was silent for a while. Finally he spoke,
"So if you feel like you and I are worth trying, you would? I mean you would step away from them?"
"Well, some of the way. They will always be important to me, that will never change."
"Right. But you would stop hooking up with them?"
Tomas could feel he was getting impatient. He wanted to back the conversation up, but didn't know how far. It wasn't just hooking up, he wanted to say. He sat for a while, just thinking.
"Did I say something wrong?"
"No...you didn't. I'm just thinking that this is complicated when I look at all this from the outside. You started by asking about exclusivity. I don't think I can give you that. And not just because of Mark and/or Sam. Maybe this is just as important as defining what Mark and Sam are to me."
Steve looked thoughtful. "I think you're right. I don't know...I'll have to think about it. It is something that I realize as I get older that I want. I mean exclusivity."
Tomas decided not to say anything else. He wrapped his arms around Steve and pulled him close, kissing the back of his neck. The conversation had been what it needed to be. He felt clear. He slept well. He got up early and wrote a note to Steve, who was still asleep, that he put on the bed beside him.
Steve,
What we talked about last night really helped me. I don't want to hurt you, so I think it's best if we end things now. I'm sorry. It's not just monogamy, it's also feeling that if I change what is happening with Mark and Sam, I need to feel as strong, if not stronger for someone else. You are a lovely, lovely guy, so it's important to me to be honest with you. I'm here if you want to talk about this, but I wanted to get this out in the open right now.
Tomas