Something about Steve
Cody Samuels
Literally.naked@gmail.com
Introduction: Hey all! Glad I got a good response from some of our readers, and don't worry, it's going to get a lot more interesting so make sure you keep yourself sane and don't go busting a nut one something as small as Jacob getting a boner
About myself: So did I mention I live in London? The city of freedoms and insecurities meshed together in their famously tight skinny jeans? Well it's not attractive (unless it happens to be a muscle head that owns them in which case, Hell yeah! Let's see some crotch!). Life is fun and intense at the same time, and as we're all going through a recession times can be tough. Which is why everyone is a train ride away if I ever need company.
WARNING: May Contain Scenes of a sexual nature. But you already knew that didn't you? Stay safe- really... Use a condom
Something about Steve - 2
"Whatcha got there dude?"
"Nothing" I said, trying to sound normal even though I could feel my breathing hammering through my mouth like police men breaking through the door on a raid. My hands shook and I could feel myself tremble at the same time. Part of me even stirred downstairs at the thought of being caught by Steve. I couldn't have him find out I liked guys. So I slammed the suitcases shut and put one on top of the wardrobe and the other under my bed as fast as I could.
"C'mon now Jacob, I'm an ok dude, you don't have to worry about me freaking out about porno" I think I felt my balls drop and pull my guts with it. He must have seen the look on my face and laughed at my misery. To think he would have seen the, magazines and instantly labelled me "fag" and press his "groupie" alarm whereby lots of big muscular air-headed jocks were ready to pummel me silly. I had to lie, or something. Anything, the silence was killing me. My silence was killing me, if I let him continue then he's probably assume I was gay and press that groupie alarm anyway... think!
"It's not porn... It's ...my ex" I felt the words escape my mouth. Verbal vomit- the worst of the symptoms when talking to a guy you liked. You gushed, you guffawed and said anything to make yourself think you were normal and then before you've realized it, you've spouted an essay out in 2 minutes flat. Luckily it wasn't.
"Oh" Steve's face changed and it almost saddened me when I saw his face drop. "I didn't mean to pry" Damnit.. I could feel the heat burn in my chest and across my face. Why was he so hot? Why was he so sexy? Why was he already the world's greatest man in my eyes? I had to get out of there, do something. Anything!
"I'm going to go grab my timetable from the office and probably my network log in as well. Did you get an Ethernet cable?" this was something that was standard in most British universities. You never had wifi in dorms- only Ethernet cables. Steve gave me a weird look. "Is that what they do in England for internet? Dude that's so stone age, we have really secure wi-fi networks here, here lemme show you" walking over to my laptop, I realized I had a desktop background of some random guy from those popular gay porn websites...Johnny Falk. I dreaded it almost instantly, hoping there was a password lock on it. I could feel the sweat building in my hands, and the worst bit about it: I could feel myself swelling along the length of my cock, thinking in some absurd part of my mind that he was going to enjoy what he saw. I had to stop him or he'd press that button and get the boys to beat me! And How did Steve not see my tented jeans? Quick! Stop him!
"Ugh... Steve, It's ok, I still need to get my time table"
"Dude! It's all on the blackboard sites now. Come over here and I'll show you" he beckoned me and it was then that I had just noticed, how big his biceps and triceps really were. They were big... at least..20cm around.
Why wasn't I more worried about him opening up my laptop? For a split second I was caught up admiring his arm musculature when he hit the lock on the laptop and pried open.
"Steve! Leave it alone! It's fine! I'm still going to the reception to see what else I need" he looked at me so puzzled by my behaviour and then smiled.
"No worries dude" as if nothing had ever happened and left the laptop ajar. "I'll come down with you if you want. We've got the "induction" soon and we've got to hear what the RA has to say." He coaxed me out of the room by my arm and I felt a shock in my body... It felt weird, like my skin and body responded with a warm glow whenever he touched me, especially my chest and cock. It was getting more and more difficult to see- My face must have been so beat-red; people would think I was trying to contain an angina attack.
So there I was with Steve Callahan, walking down the stairs to the main lobby where I first came in. Watching that hunk move his ass as he walked, it was pure torture, I couldn't control my raging hard on for him. I had to re-arrange myself three times, feigning to Steve that I had to double check I had my phone and our keys.
"Dude relax, you'll be fine, I've got keys as well, now come on" he patted his back pockets to make the jangling noise. And from there I kept staring at his ass up until we got to the reception and Steve asked if there was anything else that I needed from the reception. It wasn't until the second time Steve asked that I snapped out of the ass-oggling and saw that the receptionist give me an endearing look. I shied away, too embarrassed to admit I was lost (both in direction and senses no thanks to Steve), and said that all I needed was to log onto the University's blackboard system, enrol online and I should be set.
"See! No problems, now cmon! Let's got to that induction"
To be honest when I got there and suffered a mercilessly boring lecture about health and safety and standards from the preppy cheer-leader type girls; I was about ready to just get up and leave. If it weren't for the fact that Steve kept making stupid and funny expressions of her cheering about "Safety first! Respect the Residents!" I probably would have. But he made me stay. I kept staring at his arms, the way the muscles ripped and formed around him as he made "mouthing" gestures with his hand and pulling stupid faces whilst mimicking the RA. There were also moments where I would sneak a look at his legs- thick hairs that covered his legs all the way up until it disappeared through his shorts. And the fine muscles on them too. I wondered what they felt like... just thinking about that made my cock stir. It gave me a shock right back to reality and Steve chuckle in his low-baritone voice.
As we exited, he asked something that confirmed to me in my head that he was mostly likely straight. "Say dude, didn't you think she was cute?" I shrugged giving him neither an answer nor an indication. Truth be said; I just couldn't see girls that way. And it made me sad to think that Steve did. I sighed heavily, and he seemed to pick up on it but wouldn't say anything. He just let it be, which was just as well. I didn't think I could handle a "20 questions" grilling from a handsome fucker like him. He'd kill me just smiling.
We spent most of that evening preparing for the classes. He did Sports Sciences so most of his majors were track, sciences and social science stuff, and because I majored in English language, mine were mostly just the arts and philosophies and politics. We might have crossed over for one subject only our time slots were different. Because of the track training in the morning, I'd miss out on his one. However I could always skip that one and go to the later one. Just to see Steve?... I decided against it, fearing that I might get too obsessed with him and make him think I was weird or creepy.
I mean who wouldn't? He was a buff 18 year old guy who could easily pass for 20, a very well built frame, brilliant flashing smile that made me want to prostrate and worship it, body of some Greek god (although I got to admit, being around him made me hyperbolize everything about him) and a face and eyes that sent me Gaga for him. And that's when it hit me. I was completely infatuated with my roommate, and that would be it. No progression. No relationship. Just perving on him as he stripped and went for the shower, or when he came back from training and when he went to sleep. Fuck. Life just got shit.
When I was in London, It was easy to hide who I was, because there was so much to do in London and so much to try, sexuality was only just one of the many facets in London. I was so busy being a book worm and being studious that I missed out all that London had to offer. And now being away from it made me miss it's business. And it made me miss that fact that I didn't feel this longing for someone when I was in London. In the States, it was so much more contained, people were your interactions, and your source for most things. It was hard to escape people. Which made me wonder- how did I ever escape people in a big city like London?
So the first week went by and I learned a lot about Steve just through conversation and eating with him. He didn't seem to hang out with the other jocks much and his showed me his results one time to explain why he didn't hang out with them much. He was really a child prodigy. A's in everything. 4.0 GPA (which I had no clue what it was other than the fact that he did well every day) and that he was part of the University's football team. I think as the Quarterback, but then again I never understood it enough, just knew the role enough to know that it was effectively "Team Captain".
He had a brother and sister whom were much older than him and most likely married on engaged. So being the younger brother, he'd always strived for the credit that his mother and father gave the older siblings. He always watched cartoons at 7pm for some strange reason and he would always be watching Tom and Jerry. It was something really endearing about him- just to watch him laugh in hysterics as Jerry smashed a hammer onto Tom's fingers.
He always talked about traveling around California, and telling me about places I didn't even know. I was a learning curve for me but that bit was a bonus. Just listening to Steve, with his low-baritone voice, describe the scenes, views, sights and memories. He made everything sound amazing. He filled it with a sense of respect and awe, and revered it. And when he spoke, there was a passion to it. Like he meant every word. And of course, he wouldn't keep me from looking away. I was always fixed onto his gorgeous blue eyes and his calm but heroic face. That burn in my chest kept getting bigger, brighter and harder to control.
He talks about California often and misses Los Angeles. He told me, whilst we were drifting off, about the orchards nearby his house, and how he always enjoyed the smell of Vanilla growing from there. I didn't know much about American geography or its natural heritages but I was sure Vanilla wasn't local to Los Angeles.
And he also told me, after one night when we had finished dinner that he dated girls. And it put a downer on me for the rest of the night. I was so down and sad that he asked me if I was alright in the middle of the night. He said something about me breathing hard and muttering in my sleep. I dreamed he and some pretty brunette princess cheerleader were smooching under a tree and that I was recording it on camera. I felt a tight knot in my gut hoping he would just leave it be.
If there was anything to be said about our relationship, it was the fact that we were the kind of roommates that gelled very well with one another and kept ourselves to ourselves at the same time.
It wasn't until the third week of University that things started to pick up a little (in the activity sense). Steve started to disappear often before 7 where he would normally watch Tom and Jerry (with me as well since he had gotten me hooked on it) and back before 12. Almost promptly as well. And he would just go to bed and not say a word. I'd get a little kick out of watching him undress and get into the covers with just his boxers on, and sometimes under the stark moonlight, it was the most gorgeous thing I'd ever seen. It kept me hard, raging and in angst all to the early hours of the morning.
Half of me always expected Steve to smile when he saw me, whilst the other half of me just doubted and worried and told the smiling half to shut up and hide. It wasn't good. It hurt me all the time whenever Steve wouldn't say Hi to me... as if it was my fix. The more I saw him, the more I wanted him. But he kept disappearing. Whenever we hit a good topic and we hit a fiery point in the discussion (usually on ethics and morals... ) something would always find a way to stop us from hitting it off. For instance, once on a Thursday night, he came back from a Sociology lecture and just slammed his books on the desk.
"How can we as a society still function when you have stupid things like racism and prejudice still around?"... it triggered a hot topic between us and I argued it's just human nature to be always prejudiced, to always judge what you do not know, for fear of it, whilst on the other hand Steve argued that we are all human beings- shouldn't that be enough not to judge us. It raged on for a good two hours before he hit a sore spot. "I don't think it's fair anyway, the only people that seem exempt from it are gay people. They have it all". It shut me right up and I didn't say anything.
It made me pull the blankets over me and say goodnight to him. Because it wasn't true. Gay people weren't exempt from it. If anything they were one of the worst affected castes out there. It cut me to pieces for him to think that we didn't suffer. We did. I did... Because sometimes, Gay people only fall for the straight ones.
It was a similar position when I said that most sports really don't deserve the money their given. That shut him up and we went right to sleep. At first I thought that I had offended all his principles on the deepest level because that's what he devoted half of his life too. And then I realized that even I had gotten really insensitive about it. I tried to apologize but that night, the air was heavy with emotion and hostility. It made me want to cower in my covers.
Even if we got to a point where the discussion was heated, we'd always find a moot point to stop us dead in our tracks. As if somehow, there was some sort of topic that was rising to the surface within both of us that we wanted to say, but were afraid of raising so it caused us to stop.
And now, I started to miss those intense discussions, and the moot points. Something about these conversations and discussions started to make him disappear from the room. And it made me sad. At one point you wouldn't see him come back until 11pm and would always disappear at the crack of dawn.
It broke my heart. Never seeing him pulled at me so hard, and it got harder to concentrate in lectures and in seminars without thinking about Steve. Was I really falling for him? I couldn't! He's straight!
So I decided on the Wednesdays, I would skip the morning Sociology lecture and go to the one in the evening. And during all of the Tuesday, I had gotten so worked up and anxious that I didn't eat for the whole day. One of the girls- Megan and her friend (presumably boyfriend) Charlie offered me a sandwich because I looked like I was going to pass out during Wednesday lunch time. Then came the afternoon lecture at 2pm. The lecture hall was fairly packed, and a lot of the sports majors and social sciences were in this room.
I took a seat in the middle row, just so I could see everyone. I saw a couple of people that caught my eye. One of the other sports majors that happened to be taking an English minor, Lucas. Big, built guy in his 20's with dark hair and striking black eyes, covered in hairs and a chiselled jaw. He caught eyes on him and smiled, beckoning me to come over. I shied and stayed where I was, afraid the big man might crush me if I sat next to him. He was, without a doubt, sculpted and very handsome. But something about him also made me think he was out to use me and abuse me for what I was worth. It brought a deep chasm in my heart open and made me shiver. It took a couple of deep languid breaths to control me before I was back to "ok".
I looked around more, seeing if I could spot the one guy that had caught my heart in one move. And I didn't. I didn't see anyone. I felt my heart sink. I sacrificed a morning lecture and a seminar with my language professors to see if I could see Steve, only to find he wasn't around. Everyone had sat down and the lecturer was about to start when Steve rolled in and apologized for being late. He took the nearest seat to the door and from then on, all I could do is keep looking at him and ignoring about a good 75% of the lecture. It brought me on such a high to see him in again that I kept missing out what the lecturer said.
I even managed to embarrass myself by answering a question related to Marxism stupidly. "Ugh... because the Proletarian are always in control?" which made Steve giggle. I knew what the word meant... vaguely. The lecturer gave me a sour look and I sheepishly hid behind my notes. By the time it came to 6, I was glad the lecture was over, and the first chance I got, I put everything in my bag and pushed past other students to get to Steve, who was already out of the door.
"Steve! Wait up!" I yelled, desperately trying to reach for him. Please! Wait for me!
Thanks for reading this folks! ! Any comments feel free to email me at literally.naked@gmail.com! I'm also looking for a proof reader and editor again, so let me know if you're ok with reading the new material before anyone else!