This is a true story and one that to this day I am still trying to piece together. Maybe you can help me! Just email your opinions to me! Thanks in advance! ;-)
OK, so here is the basic info on me. I'm Joseph, age 19 as of 2007. I recently graduated from high school and have already finished my first year of college. It's been great so far, but still have not had a boyfriend since I have been out since 2006.
Ok now to the juicy part! I first came out in February of 2006. Now I did not come out the usual way. Let's just say I should have kept that MySpace profile of mine private. Oh well silly me! But that is how I got busted by my parents. School was a little different. I had a really close friend and we told each other everything. I kept her secrets, and she kept mine. One day in the cafeteria, we were talking because the school had a student/faculty basketball game going and we did not feel like watching them. Besides the teachers always cheated anyway! Well we got to talking and I told her about the dreams I would have, you know those, wild fantasies of the other hot guys in high school you would screw kind of dreams.
I pretty much knew since the sixth grade that I was gay, even though I would deny it when someone asked, but I could tell that some knew it anyway. Strange enough how there GAYDAR's worked but mine never did. Well as I was talking to my friend, I told her thatis was about time I come out of hiding, but the way I did was different than normal. You see, I was a junior at the time and there was this senior in my high school (lets call him BS for short since that was his initials anyway), I had a huge crush on and this is where it all began!
One day I asked her to do me a favor. I would tell her to write a letter and it would say exactly what I said and then she would give it to him for me and that would be the way I came out. See even though I had a crush on him, I was a little scared of him because he's one of those rough, kinds of guys. It's not that I did not know him, because we rode the same bus for 2 and 1/2 years, I had to sit in the seat in front of him cause they were all assigned seats, and for some reason he just love to pick on me, probably cause he knew he could get away with it cause I was too afraid to do anything about it, and I was. I wasn't the kind to pick a fight so I just became the bitch and dealt with it. In 2006 he stopped riding the bus and started driving. I think this was the same time he started working at Domino's Pizza. I thought about him a lot. If I got bored in class and zoned out that is where my mind would go, to think of him. I had thought me might be gay too. I mean when we rode the bus, he would hump the back of the seat sometimes to joke around, other times he would try to tickle my ear and I would jerk away, even though I didn't want to jerk away, but If I didn't that would gave me away for sure, and one of the other things that he would do at random would be out of no where he would reach over the seat and say I think someone needs a hug and squeeze the hell out of me. That's when he over excessively rough!
Well after I had my friend give him the letter about to days later, the hubbub bubba began. I had to leave the chemistry class to go to the bathroom because I had just gotten finished with lunch like an hour before and couldn't hold it anymore. I had just finished and was washing my hands when I slightly looked to the right of me to notice that he was out there and I probably knew this wasn't going to be good because he was with others as well. I stalled as long as I could, but couldn't stay in there forever or else my teacher would have come looking for me. So I worked up the nerve to walk out and make an attempt to walk back to the classroom, and sure enough he stopped me. He asked me If I wanted the note back that my friend gave to me, and I was like "What note?" cause Im'ma gonna deny it if there are other people around, or least that's what I told her to write in the note. So he gave it back and I started to walk back to class, nerves all tore up to bits, but somehow managed to walk back to my seat in front of the class without looking like a nervous wreck.
Well if you think that was the end you are dead wrong! About 1 and 1/2 to 2 weeks later I was coming out of the boy's locker room because I had to go to the bathroom. The locker rooms can be a gay guy's greatest fantasy or worst nightmare, and for me it was the worst nightmare. I had just come out of the door and took an immediate left to go back to the band room (cause I was a band geek), and I herd a voice call out my name and without a doubt I knew who it was, and with nerves rattled up I walked as fast as I could without running, so it did not look as If I was scared child running from a monster, even though the I felt like it. At that moment the band room door flew open and my teacher came walking out, and I started a conversation with her joking around about how she almost knocked me out with the door, just so that I did not have to focus on hearing his voice. I made it safely back and the band room. Whew! Dodge that bullet!
Well about a week or so later I was in the band room and class was about to start. I was getting some stuff ready for class when someone from the yearbook class opens the door and ask for me and I didn't know why, but told her to hold on a sec while I got the last of my stuff ready. Well I had just stood up when one of my other friends asked me if that was the guy out there that I had a crush on and I knew immediately that it was a trap and thank God she said something too. Well she stuck her head back inside the door and asked for me again and I told her to hold a sec because I was stalling until the bell rand and then they would have to leave. Eventually, it did and they left. Whew! Dodge another bullet!
The next encounter would be another bullet that I would only partially dodge but still get hit with. My mother wanted to leave for a few days to leave to get her mind off of things since it has been about 2 months since her ex-husband left her. I had to take over as man of the house that made things a little difficult but I handled it real well. Well my mother showed up to sign me out and on my way up to the office I ran right passed him and the only thing he said was "There's a queer" (and I laughed inside when he said it somewhat cause he didn't know what everyone else thought about him either, cause a lot of other people thought he was gay too, even his brother said his family thought he was) but was more worried outside. See I didn't want him to follow me cause my mom didn't know about me at the time and if he followed me and my mother found out, I do not know what would have happened and to this day still do not want to know what happened.
About 2 to 3 weeks later, my mom wasn't feeling good so I rode with her to do her grocery shopping for her. Well she gave me the list and I got out of the car and started walking to the entrance of the store. I had just crossed the fire lane when I look to the right slightly and noticed him again, except in his car this time coming in my direction. So I hurried up a little and got in front of the sliding doors. Well just my luck the doors did not open. Inside I started to panic. I swear that when the front of his car aligned up with the bricks near the entrance the doors opened and I practically leaped inside when at the same time he blowed his horn. I went on shopping, hoping that he was not out there waiting on me again, because my mother was out there and she still did not know at the time. I got lucky, he wasn't there even though I don't know why cause the Domino's he worked at was right beside the store.
For the next two month's I got a break. We had not run in to each other even though I had traveled to the grocery store a few more times. That streak ended, the only time we saw each other was the day of his graduation because I had other senior friends that were graduating and they wanted me to come. I had stayed until almost everyone else left and I was hanging out with some friends. We started walking back to the vehicles and were having fun joking around and what not. I had made a quick 360 degree turn around and noticed that he was with two of his other friends behind me. There cars were parked in the same parking lot. He didn't say anything and I kept my back turned while he walked passed. After that day I thought my troubles were over, but yet again I was wrong.
The summer had passed along with August, September and most of October. Around the last week of October I left school. I was driving back home and looked up to notice that he was behind me. Panic mode was active again and I went to a different house than mine. I stopped there and waited for him to leave. He said something and then left but can't remember what he said. My windows were up so I couldn't hear much of anything. Well come to find out that Friday, I found out what he said. I stopped at that same store to get a snack because I was tired as hell. I think that was the same night I accidently went through a red light. I was out of it. Well while waiting in line I was talking to one of my friends there. Well my friend turned to there left and asked someone when he was going to get his pizza, and inside I had a gut wrenching feeling that it was him. I collapsed inside cause I hell, a few days ago he followed me and now he is out there. Well I start back to my car and sure enough he followed AGAIN! He was pissed I could tell. He said that another friend of mine that works at the store said something to him that pissed him off but I didn't know who said it or what is was. He ran off at the mouth and yet again being the bitch I dealt with it!
For short notice my parents had found out about me in December about a week before my birthday. MySpace got me busted! Oh Well!
Well that drama was over with and we didn't see or hear each other again for a few months. In February of 2007 approximately one year after I had been out, my best friend was having some trouble with her boyfriend who just happened to be his best friend also. Well in the middle of arguing through the door at her boyfriend, she told "BS" that he needed to talk to me, and I heard that with my own ears because I was on the phone with her when she said it because she had called me when her boyfriend had showed up un-announced without her dad at home. Now I couldn't hear them but she told me that he said he would, even though I didn't want to cause I was still scared of him. Here is something odd. My best friend, the one that was having trouble with her boyfriend, told be that "BS" had sat down one day and told her straight to her face that he was gay.
Now here comes the confusing part. About a week later I got an invitation to a gay webcam site through MySpace and it said it was from a "B" which was the same first name as his but there was not a last name. Even more odd was that he already had a MySpace. So I responded back to the message, but got no response and two days later the account was deleted. So I don't know what happened there, so I just let it go. So I worked up the nerve to create a message on MySpace, because all my friends had been hassling me about contacting him. I had created the message and had hesitated about sending it off but finally just hit the send button and waited. The next morning I woke up and started to check my messages. He had responded but I wasn't sure if I wanted to read the response. Eventually I clicked on it and I read it. In the letter he got overly defensive claiming that "I am one of the straightest guys in the world." Now in the letter he said that he does not mind guys as friends, but if he claims to be one of the straightest guys in the work, then why would he have gay friends. That letter through me all off! So I just left it be.
Nothing happened for a few weeks and my mom found out about prom night and made me go because I hadn't planned on it. What's worse is that I found out he was going to be there. On prom night I went with my best friend because she said her boyfriend couldn't make it there but somehow showed up in the middle of or after prom. Somehow that gay guy "me" made him jealous. While I was there, I had my backed turned and the next thing I know he walks right by me. I then immediately turned and floored it to the back room. What's worse is one of my friends said my name out loud giving away that I was walking away. I hid in that back room for about 45 minutes. Then I had no choice to leave because my best friend dragged me out on the dance floor. She literally pushed me back until we were right next to him with my back to him. I was a nervous wreck. I got her back by pieing her in the face on her next birthday. Well we left prom that night and I was taking her back home and guess who calls her cell phone! That's right, it was him! She told me that he asked what we were doing and what not. They talked for a while until her boyfriend beeped in and they went at it! That's all that had happened for that night and for the next two months.
Well summer was fast approaching and so was my graduation. It that in the mist of all that drama, time just flew by. About a month before my graduation my car ignition switch locks up on me and cost me my first. I hated that job anyways! I got a better job that was closer to home anyway's. Once I had graduated I worked at my new convenience store job. Well that first Sunday, I was stocking shelves. The moment I stood up I looked at the door and noticed that he was about to come in. I ducked and snuck around the back and hid in the soda storage closet. I think he noticed me because the first time I tried to come back out after I thought he left he was outside that door so I stalled. Eventually he left and I went back to work. Few the next 6 to 8 weeks he would pass the store at night. One night he drove by and beeped his horn. His wand was out the window but I couldn't tell if he was waiving his hand of flipping the bird. Other nights he would just beep.
From there the only other times we seen each other was on the road. I had my best friend with me one and we went to go eat and when we passed he called a few minutes later and asked what we doing. She said about to go eat and If I'm not mistaken, I think that she said he would meet up with us to eat too. ODD!
So what do you think? Is he gay, bi, straight, not out of the closet, playing with me, or am I just losing it? I gotta know!