Snow Day

This story is about male/male relationships and contains graphic descriptions of sex.

You should not read this story if it is in any way illegal due to your age or residence.

This is a work of pure fiction. It mixes fictional characters and events with real people. However any real person mentioned in this work is purely an actor playing a part. This story in no way is meant to imply anything about the sexuality, personality, or behavior of the actual person.

Copyright 2005 Jason Calme. This story is the sole property of its author and may not be copied in whole or in part or posted on any website without the permission of the author.

Questions and commentary can be sent to: "JasonCalme@yahoo.com". My blog: http://jcalme.blogspot.com/

For David: a hopeless romantic that wanted them to go on a date...

Snow Day - Chapter 5

Let's review:

A couple of days ago I rescue a guy in a snowstorm. The guy turns out to be charming, funny, smart, and gorgeous. Guy also lives hundreds of miles away, travels incessantly, and is probably straight; but nobody is perfect.

I have a great day with guy. A great day.

I start thinking the guy is gay and in to me. Then...Disaster! Guy says he's straight!

There follows: Anger, tears, sorrow, and depression. I'm a mess. But rather than being angry or distant, guy is apologetic, contrite and miserable.

And then the much hated, evil step-sister - I mean my cousin - comes to the rescue, waves magic wand and guy kisses me.

Kisses me!

And then he acts all cute and cuddly through lunch!

What do I do with all this information?

Said guy has hinted about experimenting. But he seems concerned that I'll take "experimenting" to mean "relationship and commitment." He's probably right. I love the guy already; what can I say? Maybe next week I'll suddenly realize that he drives me up the wall and he's not perfect, but right now he's number one with a bullet and despite the little speed bump, I know he's the one...

Fuck!

I'm doing it again. I should just to enjoy the minute. I want to just enjoy the moment. Just go with it. If we have fun, we'll have fun, and then I should let him go.

But I can't do that. I know I can't just be casual about Howie.

Fuck!

This one's gonna hurt big.

But I'm daydreaming. I'm sitting eating lunch and staring at him shamelessly. I don't even care, he's so nice to look at, and he doesn't seem to care either. He gives me a cute smile and stares back at me.

"Well that was a very nice lunch. Thank you boys," my mother said, getting up and taking her plate over to the dishwasher and putting it in. I'm not even paying attention.

Then she turns to face us. "So what are you two going to get up to this afternoon?"

"Uhh..." I stammer. I hadn't even got past lunch.

Howie shrugged.

"Well I have a lot of work to do," my Mom says.

"Okay Mom," I say.

"Are you two going to be here for dinner?" she persists. Sometimes when she has a lot to do we get pizza, eat out, or sometimes I'll make dinner.

"Eh, I'll let you know in a bit, okay?" I say vaguely. Howie is smiling at me in this almost knowing way, but what does it mean?

"Okay," she says and I don't even notice when she goes back into her office.

And then it occurs to me that we've actually finished lunch and we're still sitting here. Staring at each other.

"So what do you want to do?" I ask Howie.

"Uh...what do you want to do?" he asks and grins nervously.

I roll my eyes. "Well, you want to go see a movie?"

"What's on?" he asks.

"I'll get the paper," I say, and jump up and run to Mom's office, grabbing the paper - after quickly saying 'hi' to Mom - and then running back to the kitchen.

After several minutes we came to the conclusion that there was virtually nothing we wanted to see. But we settled on "3,000 Miles to Graceland."

"Okay, so divide and conquer," I said to Howie. We were standing in the lobby of the little multi-plex that was about half an hour from home. The building was twenty years old; five small theaters downstairs and three slightly larger ones upstairs. The theater still looked fairly modern, but worn and well used. The carpet needed to be replaced, and you didn't want to look too closely at the seats before you sat in them.

We'd arrived only fifteen minutes before the movie was supposed to start, and there was a surprisingly large crowd and a long line to get tickets. There was only one rather harried looking young woman selling tickets.

"You get the popcorn and I'll get the tickets," I said.

"Okay," Howie nodded. "See ya in a minute," and he walked off to the concession stand while I stood at the end of the long line.

I hate long lines. I hate it even more when you are the last person and the line keeps getting shorter; but no one joins the end of the line. It feels much better when others join the line and you know they will have to wait just as long as you do.

But not this time. Only a couple more people joined the end, as we slowly advanced forward. I wondered if other people decided against staying when they saw the line.

With nothing else to do, I kept glancing back to watch Howie waiting in the other line. It made me smile just to look at him.

I was staring up at the movie board, wondering if a miracle might occur and something better would appear, when a voice asked;

"Going to see a movie huh?"

I looked down to see Leonard standing next to me.

"Yeah," I said, not really meaning to be unfriendly, but then I wasn't in the mood to talk to him either.

I expected him to say something scathing, so he almost shocked me when he asked, "What you going to see?"

"Ah, not sure," I lied.

"Okay," said Leonard, then I saw his eyes flicker to something behind me and he scowled. I looked over my shoulder and saw Howie coming towards us, a big smile on his face.

For a moment I completely forgot what I was doing. Then I remembered Leonard. I turned back, but he had already turned and walked off. What was up with him?

"Hey," Howie smiled. "What did he want?" and he nodded towards the departing Leonard.

"God knows," I said.

Howie looked thoughtful for a moment, and then he leaned forward.

"I think he has a thing for you," Howie whispered, and he made a face.

"Oh please!"

"I do."

"You think that about everyone who hates me," I laughed.

"Yeah well, with the other guy, yeah he hates you," Howie grinned. Then he looked serious. "Maybe it's because he's repressing his innate homosexuality?"

I stared at Howie.

"Nah...I'm making it up," he shrugged. "I never went to college."

"You're a lot smarter than most people who do," I said. "But you pulled that one out of your ass."

"Yeah well, I was watching him watching you before you saw him, and he was watching you, if you know what I mean," he said, and then he crossed his eyes and I had to laugh.

"No," I said. "He was just analyzing the weak spots for his attack."

"Whatever."

"Yeah. Exactly."

We stood there, slowly moving forward in the line. Finally we got to the counter, bought the tickets, and started walking towards the theater.

"So do you actually have any friends?" Howie asked me. I could tell he was joking, but I was still a little put out.

"What?!"

"It seems like nobody likes you."

I fixed him with a stare.

"Lots of people like me! I have friends! Is it my fault you happen to have met the three people in the word that hate me?"

"Just lucky I guess."

He smirked and I hit him and then laughed as he tried to protect himself from a second punch.

"Don't break him!" came a familiar voice.

I froze and turned around. Louise was standing in front of us, smiling.

"Uh, hi Louise," I said.

"And how are the two love birds doing? I see you decided to go to the movies after all."

"Yeah, we thought we'd hide out in the back and make out," said Howie, and I felt myself blush. I had to tell him to stop doing that. But not today.

"Oh spare me. What are you going to see anyway?"

Howie shrugged. "Does it matter? It's not like we're actually gonna be watching the movie," and he made big eyes at me and I snickered. I couldn't help myself! I was feeling all weak in the knees and gooey, just because Howie was pretending he was gonna make out with me during the movie.

If only.

"You're probably going to be watching some stupid shot'em up like all boys like to watch."

"No body hears the moaning over the explosions," said Howie.

"Oh please!" Louise rolled her eyes.

She grabbed my hand and looked at the ticket stub.

"You're hopeless," she laughed, letting go of my hand.

Then she glanced around, before looking back at us and smiling.

"What?" I asked defensively.

"So how's the kissing going?" she asked.

We both turned red.

"Been practicing?" she smirked.

"Thanks Louise, see you around..." I tried to wave her off.

"Oh come on! You and lover boy were all talk a minute ago."

"It wasn't me," I objected. "It was Howie..." but I didn't get to finish as Howie leaned in and kissed me quickly on the cheek. Shocked, I still had the sense to glance around to see if anyone was watching, but no one seemed to have noticed us.

Well, almost no one. Louise made a face.

"Just keep your pants on cousin, I have to live in this town so don't go making too big a scene." And then she rolled her eyes at us and walked off.

We stood there silently for a moment, watching her go.

"You know, she grows on you," said Howie thoughtfully.

"Uh huh."

"Kinda like warts," and he laughed.

"Let's just go watch the movie," I said.

"Sure. Let's just hope Leonard isn't in there."

I groaned.

We started towards the theater.

"Why did you kiss me?" I asked him under my breath.

He shrugged. "Why not? I thought you were okay with it?"

"Yeah, I just..."

"Just?" he repeated and then he stopped and I stopped and we stood there staring at each other.

Fuck! I should have just shut up about it and let him do it and see if anything else happened. But questioning it every time was just screwing things up.

"Nothing," I said, and I turned and walked on, hoping he'd follow me.

He did.

If Leonard was in there I didn't see him. I don't know what I would have done if I had.

Despite what Howie had said, we didn't sit up the back. Instead I found somewhere pretty much in the middle, and since the theater wasn't packed, we had a fair amount of privacy.

I moved in a few seats and Howie sat down quietly beside me. After getting comfortable I looked around and my eyes fell on Howie, who seemed to be regarding me suspiciously.

"What?" I asked him.

He just sat there staring at me.

"What?" I repeated.

Howie just sat there, and then he kind of looked embarrassed and gave me this goofy face, raised his eyebrows and turned to face forward.

I poked his arm and he ignored me, so I poked him a second time. He finally turned to look at me.

"What?" I said.

He looked at me blankly. Then his expression changed and he leaned into me.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"It's cool..."

"I keep kissing you. I..." and he just looked away as though he didn't know what to say.

"Forget it Howie," I said. "It's okay, really it is," and I grabbed his arm and squeezed it gently.

He turned to look at me and he looked upset.

"I just did it as a joke," he said quietly.

"I know..."

"And," he took a breath. "I like it."

I pursed my lips and nodded. I didn't really know what to say, but then I leaned into him and whispered. "Me to. It's okay."

"Just friends, right?" he said.

"Yeah. It's okay."

I mean, what was I supposed to say?

And he leaned in as though he was going to kiss me, and then he pulled away, and I felt...disappointed. I guess he read my expression because he looked guilty, and then we both kind of blushed and looked back at the screen.

It took a little while for us to relax, but by the time the movie started things had sort of got back to normal. Howie made a joke by putting the popcorn over his groin and holding both sides of the bag low down so that the bag pointed up like a huge phallic symbol. He leaned over and whispered "Why don't you reach in and grab a handful," and I nearly choked on the mouthful of popcorn I was chewing.

We rested our arms against each other, but other than that, everything was PG.

The movie was so-so. I guess I was spending all my time thinking about other things. And the person sitting next to me.

Time went by impossibly fast, and before I knew it we were out in the parking lot, walking towards the car. We'd both become quiet, and I was searching my frazzled brain for some way to extend it. But I couldn't think of anything.

Then again, Howie was coming home with me. It wasn't like I was going to be dropping him off at his house and never see him again. Yet this felt different. Somehow, I just had this feeling that if we went home we'd end up hanging out with Mom and watching television, and it just wouldn't be the same as spending time with Howie alone. Getting all his attention. Giving all mine to him.

And it wasn't like he'd do anything with my Mom right there. For a moment I actually entertained the idea of stopping by my cousins.

Oh man, my life has been turned upside down.

"So ah...you wanna get something to eat?" Howie asked me.

"Uh...oh, sure," I said, trying not to sound too excited.

"Cool," he smiled. "What do you feel like?"

"Um..." I shrugged. "There's a pizza place down the road."

Howie frowned for a second.

"Uh...okay," he said.

"There's other choices," I interrupted. "There's ah...a Chinese place, though it's kind of greasy. And there's the turf and turf..."

"Turf and Turf?"

"Yeah, it used to be a surf and turf, but they don't have much seafood anymore so we call it the turf and turf."

"Oh," he said, not amused by my attempt at humor. "It any good?" he asked, looking serious.

"Yeah, it's pretty good."

"Okay, let's go there," he said, the smile returning and his whole demeanor relaxing.

"Okay. Cool," I grinned at him, but he was already turning and walking around to the passenger side of the car.

Oh well.

It was a short ride to the restaurant and Howie barely spoke a word. I began to worry he was bored or something.

I parked in the lot, turned off the engine and turned to Howie.

"You okay?" I asked him.

"Yeah, sure!" he smiled. There was a pause, and then he added. "You know..." and he paused, and I waited expectantly.

"You really should get the heat fixed," he said turning away from me to look out the windshield.

"Oh. Well, yeah I've been meaning to...I just wasn't expecting the biggest snow storm of the year to happen the end of March," I said.

He looked at me and nodded.

"Well...uh..." he mumbled.

"We should go, or we'll freeze to death," I said.

"Yeah," he grinned.

We got out and ran to the front door of the restaurant. It was really cold with the sun down.

The restaurant kind of resembled one of the 99's chain, though it wasn't owned by a chain. There were booths down both walls and tables of different sizes in the middle. The place was dark, but not depressing.

The woman at reception took us to a table that was practically in the center of the restaurant. It felt very public. She put down the menus and Howie and I both kind of stood there looking at the table and then at each other.

"Uh...would it be possible to sit somewhere else?" Howie asked nervously.

The lady looked for a moment as though she was going to tell us to sit where we were told, but then she smiled at us and said, "Where would you like to sit honey?"

"Uh," and Howie suddenly seemed to lose his nerve.

"Would it be alright if we were down there or in the corner?" I asked, and I waved at a couple of places.

The lady regarded the places I'd indicated, then she stared at us both for a moment I wondered what she was thinking about us. But I guess it wasn't too bad, as she smiled and led us back to a table in the corner.

Howie and I both thanked her profusely, and then she left us and we seated ourselves.

I sat down with my back to the wall, and Howie sat down across from me, glancing around quickly as he did so. The table was tiny. You could only just squeeze two people at it, and we were practically on top of each other. My legs kept knocking against his.

I liked the table.

We made small talk, studied the menu, then the waitress arrived and took our orders and then...silence.

Howie studied the dessert menu casually, his eyes flickering to me and then back to the menu. I didn't know what to say.

"Maybe we should have ordered dessert first," I joked, and Howie smiled and blushed and put down the menu. He looked embarrassed and I felt bad. I wanted to kick myself for saying the wrong thing, but I couldn't think of anything that would make things better.

Better to shut up, than to make it even worse.

I glanced around the restaurant. There weren't a lot of people there; fortunately, no one I knew.

"So," Howie interrupted my thoughts. "You think your cousin is wondering what we're up to?"

I grinned. "I think she thinks it's a prank, but she's not sure."

"Yeah," he grinned, and his leg rubbed against mine, and I knocked over my glass of water.

"You okay?" Howie asked, grabbing up his napkin and helping my mop up the liquid that was running over the table.

"Yeah," I nodded.

Howie blushed and looked embarrassed.

"We're just kidding around, right?" he said, and I noticed that his leg had pulled back.

"Yeah," I tried to appear unconcerned.

The rest of the meal went without incident. We talked about stuff. About how he started playing and what he hoped to do. It wasn't just some superficial discussion; we really talked. Hopes and dreams and shit. I even talked about what I dreamed about; things I hadn't dared to tell anyone for fear they'd think it was stupid, but Howie was totally behind it. He told me to dream what I wanted to do, but then figure out a goal you can achieve and do it.

And then, just after dessert arrived, Howie suddenly blurted out.

"Boxers or briefs?"

"What?" I nearly choked on my mouthful of chocolate brownie and ice cream.

"Boxers or briefs? What do you prefer?"

I stared at him.

"I thought we could play twenty questions," he said, his bravado deserting him. "Get to know each other."

"I thought that's what we were doing?" I said. "Getting to know each other," I added, to make it clear.

"Well, yeah, but I just thought it'd be fun."

I shrugged. "So how's this work? You ask me questions and then I ask you?"

"Yeah," he nodded.

I was skeptical, and a little nervous.

"Okay," I finally agreed.

"So?" he stared back at me.

"Oh, ah, boxers, mostly."

"Favorite color?"

"Blue."

"Birth sign?"

"Gemini. I'm not really into that; my numerologist told me it was crap."

Howie grinned, but I didn't get a big laugh, damn! I just liked to see him laugh.

"First kiss?"

"Ah, Erica...can't remember her last name."

"When?"

"Sixth grade. It was like a joke kind of thing."

Howie paused, and then in a more serious tone, asked me the next question.

"You had any boyfriends or girlfriends?"

"Yes," I said, and grinned at him.

He stared back at me, obviously waiting for me to tell him more.

"Well?"

"What? You haven't asked another question."

"I already asked."

"No, you just asked if I had. You didn't ask for details."

Howie rolled his eyes.

"Okay, so how many?" he asked me.

I thought for a moment. It was kind of hard to give a concise answer, but then I didn't want to get into lots of details either. "Two," I finally said.

"Two what?"

"Boyfriends," I half whispered.

Howie nodded.

"Do I get to ask any questions?" I asked hopefully.

"I dunno. How many have I asked?"

"About twenty."

"No it isn't," he made a face and I laughed.

"Seemed like it."

"Okay, well out of the goodness of my heart," Howie said, making a magnanimous wave with his hand. "I'll let you ask some."

"Okay," I said, and I thought for a moment. "Okay, have you ever fooled around with a guy?"

Howie went red. "You can't ask that!" he hissed.

"Why not?"

"This isn't Truth or Dare! You can't ask personal questions like that. You can only ask non-personal ones."

I stared at him.

"How many boyfriends I've had is non-personal? First kiss is non-personal?"

Howie looked uncomfortable.

"Yeah, they're...well they aren't sex," he said awkwardly.

I frowned at him, "Well you never said anything about that when we started."

"Well I thought it would be obvious," he huffed.

"You're failure to answer kind of makes me wonder though," I prodded him.

"Nah," he shook his head, though he was blushing again. "It doesn't mean...I'm just, if I start answering that kind of stuff you'll be asking me other personal stuff."

"Like whether you have any lucky underwear?"

"Yeah. That's personal," and he pretended to act all put out.

I took another mouthful of desert.

"So you can ask another question," he prompted.

I shrugged. "I don't want to play this game," I said.

"Why not?"

"The rules changed."

"No they didn't!"

Howie pursed his lips and looked frustrated. But it felt like I'd let him get away with so much, and now I just had this urge to dig my heels in.

He glanced around as though someone might hear him, and then he leaned forward.

"Okay, a little, okay? Just a...little. When I was younger. Nothing much, just...nothing much," and he blushed bright red and sat back looking very embarrassed.

I sat there staring at him, and he looked up, but couldn't seem to look me in the eye. Fuck, he was so cute!

"What's your favorite band?" I asked him.

Howie looked up, he smiled, a picture of relief, and then he sat forward again, and we started back on the game. But this time, we stayed away from anything to do with sex and relationships.

And before I knew it, dinner was over. We split the check, and it was time to go home. The walk out to the car was kind of quiet again. It seemed like we'd have these periods of intense discussion, and then suddenly didn't know what to say to each other.

Mom was home, and the three of us sat and watched some TV for a while. Howie and I sat on opposite ends of the couch, almost as far away as we could get. I noticed my Mom glancing over at us. I felt like she wanted to talk to me about something, but she didn't do anything, and then it was late and we all decided it was time for bed. It had been a long day.

In the bathroom I actually had some time to think. Part of me thought it would be best to sleep in the spare bedroom. But what was the fun in that? Howie was being...Howie was being even more receptive than he'd been the day before. I didn't know how far he was willing to go, but he'd shown no sign of pulling back yet. This was both exciting and frightening.

Of course, we hadn't really done anything. A kiss, a little hand holding, that was nothing. How far would he go before he became uncomfortable? Did I want to know? Did I want to risk going so far and then having to stop. Oh God! What would happen if it went so far and then he wanted to stop, leaving me practically begging him to continue? Could I stop myself? What would it do to my ego?

But if I didn't at least try, would I forever regret not trying to see where it would go?

And if I did go through with it, and he was comfortable, and things went all the way, then what? Was it going to be a one night stand? Was he going to turn straight again the next morning? Could I deal with that? What would I do if that happened?

Every scenario I played through in my head ended in some kind of disaster. The one outcome I dreamed of; Howie becoming my boyfriend, I knew was the one with the smallest possibility of success.

But what if there was a one in ten chance? A one in a hundred chance? Should I take it?

I was getting nowhere. I just had to go with it. I was going to wing it. If it felt right I'd do it. If things didn't feel right I'd put a stop to it.

Probably.

I was pretty sure I could do that.

As long as it didn't involve saying no to Howie, I was pretty sure I could do anything.

I looked in the mirror and scolded myself for being so spineless. This was stupid. I needed to stop this now. Friends, that's what I should be with Howie. Just friends.

I finished in the bathroom and went into the bedroom and found Howie lying in my bed. I wasn't really surprised, and I went to roll out the sleeping bag.

Howie coughed.

I looked over at him.

"What?" I asked. Did he want me to sleep in the other room?

"You're gonna sleep there?" he asked.

"Uh," I shrugged my shoulders.

Howie pulled down the covers a little and patted the bed next to him.

I stared at his bare chest.

"Howie..." I said plaintively.

"Come on," he whispered.

"I don't think it's a good idea," I said.

"We're not going to do anything," he said, grinning, and patting the space next to him again.

He nodded his head and then said, "Come on Sammie," in this kid like voice and grinned at me.

My resolve disappeared, and I walked somewhat hesitantly over to the bed and stood there staring into his eyes.

"Okay," I said. "But we're not doing anything, right?"

"Right. We're just sleeping together," Howie said, a little too enthusiastically, and I didn't even spend any time analyzing that statement as I climbed into bed beside him.

Howie lay there staring at me and I stared back at him. The grin on Howie's face grew wider, and he slid closer to me and put his arm around me to draw me to him.

I was glad I had my t-shirt on.

I put my arm over him and ran it down his back, feeling the warm flesh. My hand ran down to his lower back and over the cheek of his ass...the bare cheek. My hand almost unconsciously cupped the flesh and squeezed just a little. Squeeze and relax.

He was warm and smooth. Squeeze and relax.

"Howie?" I whispered.

"Yeah?"

"You're naked," I said.

"Uh huh," he nodded. "I like to sleep naked."

I thought about that for a minute. "Howie, wait, you can't...you gotta put something on."

Howie looked puzzled.

"Why?"

"Well...we're...I'd just feel more comfortable if you'd put something on."

"Okay," said Howie, continuing to lie there.

I looked at him questioningly, and he just returned my stare.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, are you gonna take your hand off my ass?" Howie asked, and he smirked at me.

I suddenly realized I was still cupping his ass cheek. I pulled my hand away quickly and felt myself redden.

'Damn!' I thought to myself. That felt so nice too! Why had I talked myself out of that? Oh well.

I slid away from him so that he could get up, but Howie just lay there and pouted.

"You don't have to take your hand off my ass if you don't want to. I don't mind."

I rolled my eyes. "Put something on Howie," I said.

But Howie advanced towards me. "Come on," he said, "just put your hand on my ass."

"No!" I laughed.

Howie was now pushing me onto my back and doing his best to climb on top of me. I was trying to roll out from under him but he was like a crab all over me, and the covers were sliding away, leaving us mostly uncovered.

"Howie!" I laughed.

"Feel my ass! Feel my ass," he said in this husky voice and I giggled underneath him.

And just at that moment my mother came in the door.

"Howie, do you have anything..." and she stopped and stared at us for a moment. I realized that the covers were basically off us, and she must have been able to see Howie's naked butt, and God knows what else that might be exposed.

Startled, Howie slithered off me, reddening noticeably, and pulling the covers over himself until he was completely covered. He even pulled them up over his head.

'Oh God!' was about all that went through my mind. I was staring at my mother, who now had this amused expression on her face.

"Mom!" I exclaimed. How could she come in here without knocking?

"I'm sorry," she said. "I was going to put in a wash and I thought I'd wash Howie's clothes." She paused. "Does he want me to wash his clothes?"

Howie stuck his head out from under the comforter. "Yes please," he whispered.

Mom turned and gathered up the clothes scattered on the floor. I figured she would have had him do that, but given the fact that he was naked, had decided not to.

With the clothes in her hand she turned and started to go out the door, and then she stopped and turned back to look at us.

I lay there nervously, wondering what she was going to say. Howie was still hidden under the covers, though I could see his face and he was grinning at me.

I stared at my mother. 'Oh please God, not the safe sex lecture, please not that!' I thought.

"You two be gentle with each other," she said. Then she grinned and walked out, pulling the door closed behind her.

Howie came out from under the covers, a big smile on his face.

I shoved him on the shoulder and he laughed.

"So?" he asked.

"So what?" I asked him.

His brow furrowed. "So you gonna put your hand back on my butt?"

I laughed. "Put my hand on your butt?"

"Yeah."

"No."

"Why not? You don't like my ass? You think it's too..."

"Too what?" I asked.

"I dunno...you're the one that doesn't like it" he frowned, though I new he was kidding me.

I laughed. "I like your ass."

"You do?" and he reached out and grabbed my hand and pulled it over to rest on his butt again.

"Howie!"

"What?" he said, coming closer and I got the impression he was going to kiss me.

"Stop Howie."

Howie stopped, but he didn't retreat. He hovered over me with a curious expression on his face.

"Howie, I don't think this is a good idea..."

"What? Why? You don't like me?"

"Howie, that's not..."

"You don't like me..." he said sadly.

"I like you Howie. You know I do..."

"You don't think I'm a good kisser?"

"You're a good kisser." I said, without conviction, I wanted to change the subject.

"Oh, just a good kisser," he said disappointedly.

"Howie, you're a great kisser, but that's not the point."

"What about my butt? Is my butt okay?"

I laughed. "Howie, I like your butt."

"I liked kissing you," he said, and I felt the air rush out of my lungs.

"Howie," I gasped.

"I like you Sam, and I just...I like being with you and I don't know what that means..."

"Howie, I...I like you too...I just think it'll be...I don't think we should do this."

"Do what?"

"Do...I dunno...whatever it is you have in mind," I said, staring back into his eyes, thinking he was going to turn away at any moment, but instead he held my gaze.

"But I don't know what I want to do, I just want to...I just like...this. Can't we do this some more?" he whispered.

"No, we can't," I said. "Because then I'm gonna get more attached to you and then you're going to go and it's gonna hurt more than it's already going to hurt."

Howie stared back at me for a moment, and then he pursed his lips and rolled back onto his side. But he didn't move away. Instead he just lay there staring at me and looking thoughtful. I felt like I should say something, but I didn't know what to say, so I just lay there staring back at him.

Finally, he spoke.

"So you don't think it's going to hurt me?" he asked quietly.

"Uh...I didn't..."

"You think like I'm just looking to get my rocks off and I don't care about you?" he continued. He seemed to be getting angry, and I was almost shocked by the way he was talking.

"No that's..."

"Because if that's what you think, then maybe I should sleep somewhere else," and he started to get up.

"Howie," I said, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him back down. "I'm sorry, I just...I'm sorry," I begged and he relaxed and lay back down beside me and the anger seemed to pass, though he still looked frustrated or annoyed. He lay there, not quite looking at me. His eyes would wander over the room and then come back to me.

"I don't know what you're thinking or feeling," I whispered to him. His eyes flickered back to me, and then they moved away and I squeezed his arm almost unconsciously just to get his attention and he stared back into my eyes.

"I guess that's part of the problem," I continued. "I just don't understand what's going on. What's going to happen? Why are we doing this?"

Now Howie suddenly looked confused and nervous. He swallowed and then quietly began speaking.

"Do you have to know what's going to happen all the time? Can't you just try something and see? If I was...if I'd told you I was gay would you be doing this now? It's...you want to know if I'll marry you and we've only just started dating!"

I lay there staring at him.

"What?" he finally asked.

"Is that what we're doing?"

"What?"

"You said we were dating."

"Oh...well," he looked confused and perplexed, and the silence dragged on.

"It's okay. I'm sorry," I said finally.

"Sam."

"No, look, seriously, I think it'd be best if I sleep in the sleeping bag," and I started to get up and this time Howie grabbed me by the arm.

"Sam," he repeated and I looked into his eyes. They looked wet. "I'm sorry...you're right to be...I'm sorry, I don't know what I'm doing."

"It's okay Howie," I said. "Don't worry about it."

"Okay. But can't we...can't we sleep together anyway? No sex, just sleep together."

I sighed.

"I'll put something on," he offered.

"Uhh.."

"Please?"

"Okay," I relented.

He smiled, then as I lay back down he hopped out of bed and scampered over to the basket of clean clothes and pulled out a pair of boxers and hastily pulled them on. Then he pulled on a t-shirt and ran back and jumped into bed, almost bouncing me off.

"Jeez," I grumbled, and he laughed.

He slid under the covers, and we both lay down, a good distance apart. There was silence for a while.

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay Howie."

Howie rolled over and started to advance towards me.

"I just..."

"Shhh..." I said. "It's okay, okay?"

"Yeah..." he nodded, and he reached out tentatively and touched my shoulder. I watched him as he came closer, putting his arm around me and now we were practically nose to nose.

"I thought we agreed..."

"No sex," Howie smiled.

"Okay, but no..."

"No hug? No cuddle?"

"Ehh..." I so wanted to say no. I wanted to. I meant to. But I didn't, instead I just shrugged and Howie pulled us together, my chest touching his, our legs intertwined, and his face right against mine.

And then he kissed my cheek.

I was about to say something but he whispered, "You can tell me to stop if you want," and he kissed me again, his lips coming closer to my mouth.

He kissed me again, just below the lips.

"I'll stop if you want me to," he whispered, before kissing my lips, a soft gentle kiss, just lip to lip.

"I will," he promised, and kissed me again, his lips parting as mine did, his tongue tentatively pushing into my mouth as my tongue moved to meet his.

"I'll stop if you want..."

----------------- to be continued