Smiles Faded When I Told, Chapter 2
So now you know all about my high school. Now we can get to the good stuff. When my senior year started, I didn't really know what I wanted. All I really knew was that I didn't have a boyfriend, and that I wasn't sure if I wanted one. The school was arranging a concert, where all the students that chose the "road" of music or dance (I forgot to tell you, but dance is almost the same as music, only they have dance and we have music) could participate. I was thinking about joining in, and me and a friend, Maria, preformed My Immortal, by Evanescence. Before we preformed I told everyone why I chose that specific song, which was because I love that song. It means the world to me, because it makes me see all the happy moments I had with my two grandfathers, whom have both passed away.
I think there were a lot of teary eyes, I almost started to cry myself, but I managed to sing it through. Then Michael was the next one up. He sang a song that he wrote himself, called "faces and fingerprints". The lyrics was about how we all just go through life without asking questions, and just end up with being faces on pass photos and fingerprints in a criminal register, a really interesting song.
While I was watching him up on stage, I realized that he was kind of hot, or not just kind of hot, really hot. I smiled at him when he was finished, and he came and sat by me. We talked a little while the stage people got the stage ready for the next number, dancing. I asked him how his summer was, "It was really great, and Roskilde was mad fun! I missed this though, school I mean, and all you guys." He looked me in the eyes when he said that last part, so I got the feeling he was missing me the most. I don't really know what went through his head when he said it, we never talked about it, but I just might be a little conceited and just imagine it all, but I don't know. I saw something new in his eyes while we spoke, I can't really put my finger on what, even now, seven months later, I just saw that something was changed.
A little about my coming out may be in order, and I see now that I should tell you about the whole dancer and what happened. I first came out to one of my new friends back in my first year of High School, Carrie; telling her about me maybe thinking I was bi. Later I came to realize that I wasn't bi, I was gay, but we'll get there soon enough. I first fell for a guy in my own class, and told him I liked him. His reactions was not good, he got mad and didn't speak to me again for about half a year. I also came out to my sister Lilly and my older brother Tom, they were all like "We love you no mather what" and Tom even thought it was all just a phase. Then I met the dancer, it was around that time I came out to all my friends about being bi, and they all said they were just waiting for me to tell them. No-one had any bad reactions, except off Edward, whom was the guy I fell for. It was around this time me and the dancer, Chris, started to have some kind of flirty tone when we spoke, At one point Carrie just blured out "oh my gosh, I think he really likes you, he's like, all shy and red when he sees you, but his eyes light up as if you were an angel or something like that". I, naïve as i am, really got my hopes up, and started to think "maybe he really is into me, he's just a little shy about ut!" How could I've been so wrong?
One night at a party at the famous Lidendhall, me and Chris just hung out, talking and maybe flirting a little bit. The music was really loud, so we had to stand close. Then suddenly someone bumped into me really hard, and I ended up kissing Chris. I remember how embarrassed I felt, I wanted to just run away, and never turn back, but Chris just pulled me in and kissed me for what felt like hours and hours. His tongue in my mouth, his 3-days-beard tickling just slightly, it all felt so wonderful. After that I thought to myself, maybe we're going to end up as boyfriends now? The party ended and I had to go home. He lived just a short walk from school, and the party, so he walked home. I had to be picked up by my mom, and we drove home in silence. I was after all in an amazing afterglow. The day after the party, at school, I went to talk to him. We sat at a bench outside the school in the lunch hour and just talked. We ended up talking about the party and he ended up telling me how sorry he was for kissing me, he had gotten way too much to drink, and he couldn't think clearly. I was heartbroken.