Sleepy Days, Come No More
Chapter 53
Blake walked over and gave me a hug and a kiss when I arrived.
"Hey baby." He greeted.
"Hey. How was your day?" I asked.
"It was fine, better now." He relied with a smile.
"Good, I'm glad. Where are the guys?" I inquired.
"They went to the mall or something; Mikey said they probably are going to come back this evening to get ready for some party." He informed.
"Oh, well that's nice. Do you have any plans tonight?" I asked.
"No, you want to do something?" He asked.
"I need to go to the grocery store to pick up a few more things for Christmas dinner but that is it." I told.
"You should have told me I could have picked them up earlier." He said.
"I forgot. Um, you think we can talk for a while?" I asked.
"Of course, why would you even ask? It must be bad." He said with a curious stare.
"It is serious; let's sit in the living room." I suggested.
"Okay." He agreed as his face changed from curious to concerned.
We walked into the living room and sat on the sofa, we positioned ourselves so we would be looking directly at each other.
I took a breath and exhaled, "I want to talk about the move." I informed.
"I thought we already agreed about everything." He said.
"Yes, I thought we had too but now I think that perhaps we should reconsider some things." I said.
"Okay." He said.
"I don't know where to start." I confessed.
"At the beginning." He encouraged.
"Well, I was at work reviewing some files and all of a sudden I just started to cry. I didn't know where it came from, nothing had occurred to upset me. At first I tried to get a hold of myself but then I just decided to go with it. I cried for an hour before I realized what was bothering me." I paused and lowered my voice. "You're leaving soon." I said.
"I'll be back in a couple months and then for good this summer." He reminded.
"I know baby." I said.
"Then what is the issue?" He asked sincerely.
"When you came back I just wished that you wouldn't leave . . . . . . and I know that you will be coming back for good this summer and that I will manage, but the more I have thought about it, the more I know that I don't want you to come back here Blake." I exclaimed.
Blake looked surprised and perplexed.
"Listening to you talk about this new life you have in Peru and just knowing how happy you are and how much you have grown since you've been there . . . . . . . . I just couldn't imagine you being back here floundering about, working at some school that you don't believe in - when you are already soaring." I said.
"What are you saying?" He asked with concern.
"I have never stopped thinking of being with you, since the first time I saw you on the bus, regardless if there was someone else in my life or not. You changed my life Blake; I mean meeting you, being with you opened a whole other world for me. These past seven years have been . . . . . . I don't know, amazing at times and horrible at others, but I wouldn't change anything about them. I am a better person, a more complete person and it all started with you.
You are my best friend and I love you. I love you too much to let you give up on something that you believe in. The fact that you would be willing to do that for me makes me feel . . . . . . . it makes me feel really incredible. But . . ." I said.
"Baby, I . . ." He said interrupting me.
"No, let me finish." I insisted.
"Alright." He conceded.
"It seems like you have always been the one pursuing me, the one who keeps making all the sacrifices - when you moved to Peru I thought I had lost you forever but by some type of miracle I have another chance to be with you and I want to make the sacrifice for you now. I want to show you how much you mean to me." I said.
"You want to come to Peru?" He asked.
"I want to go wherever you want to be." I replied.
There was a pause, a silence that lingered while Blake processed what I had said.
"What about your job? Your life here?" He asked.
I pondered the question for a moment, "It just doesn't seem like much of a life anymore. I have done everything I said I was going to do. I got the job I wanted, I have a nice house and I even snagged a doctor husband for a while. I accomplished everything that I thought I would need to be happy and I did it faster than I thought I would . . . . . . . . I haven't been happy Blake. I look around and see that everyone I love is moving forward with their lives and I am stuck. I'm ready to start over; I'm ready for a new start." I informed.
He still seemed surprised, "What about your house and your job and everything?" He said, though it was less of a question and more of an account of the situation.
"I haven't thought that far ahead but I can sell the house or board it up. And I can find another job, if not you will just have to support us both." I laughed.
"I could do that." He replied with a smile.
"Yeah, I can call you sugar daddy." I chuckled.
"Are you sure?" He asked with a broad smile.
"Yes, yes, I am. I am sure." I said as I moved in closer to him.
He wrapped one of his arms around me, "I love you baby." He said softly.
"I love you too." I replied.
"This is really . . . . . surprising." He said.
"Yeah, it is." I concurred.
"You haven't told anyone?" He asked.
"Just you." I answered.
"Is it a secret or can I tell everyone?" He asked.
"I thought we could tell everyone at Christmas." I said.
"So it will be our little secret for the next few days." He said.
"Well, we can tell everyone now if you like." I said.
"No, I like it this way. I am not ready to share the happiness yet." He replied.
"I'm glad that this makes you happy." I said.
"Come here." He instructed indicating his lap.
"Have you noticed that you instruct me to come to you quite a bit?" I pointed out.
"Well, you are always complaint so I figured that you liked it." He countered.
"I do like, I like it very much in fact." I confessed as I moved on to his lap.
"I know you like it." He boasted.
"You are so cocky." I countered.
"Not cocky, confident." He replied.
"Tighter." I implored.
"Tighter?" He asked.
"Hold me tighter please." I requested sweetly.
"This tight?" He asked with a laugh as he held me tightly against his chest.
"Just like that." I answered.
"I knew that I would get you from the first time I saw you on that bus." He said with a smile.
"Yeah? Did you believe that over the last few years?" I inquired playfully.
"Yes, I did." He replied seriously.
"Is that right stud?" I asked.
"I got you don't I?" He breathed in my ear.
"You know I love a confident man, it really turns me on." I said.
"Really?" He asked flirtatiously.
"Really." I confirmed.
"Show me." He instructed.
"Okay." I took one of his hands and placed it on my growing crotch.
"That feels pretty hard." He said.
"It is and it's aching awfully bad." I said trying not chuckle.
"I think we are going to have to do something about that." He said as he gave my cock a squeeze.
I think you can imagine what happened next. Afterward we lay there in bed together, all smiles.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked.
"I love you." He replied.
"I love you too." I said.
"You're the first person I have ever been in love with." He said.
I blushed. "The first?" I asked playfully.
"The only." He replied.
"You have the prettiest eyes I have ever seen." I said as I looked into his eyes.
"You have made me so happy." He said.
"I know, but it wasn't selfless, so don't give me too much credit." I said.
"You're going to love Peru." He said with a smile.
"I think I will too, well, except for your apartment, I mean it is very small." I told.
"It is rustic and cozy. And the building is over one hundred years old, lots of character." He informed.
"It sounds charming baby." I replied.
"Besides, many places in old cities are small but the good thing is everything is so close by and there is a lot of great outdoor space." He continued.
"You don't have to sell me baby, I am sold. It could be a dumpster and I would see the potential, as long as you where there." I smiled.
"That is sugary." He said and gave me a peck on the lips.
"How do you really feel about all of this?" I asked.
"I told you I'm happy, I thought I showed it too." He responded.
"I know you are happy but aren't you a bit nervous too?" I probed.
"I don't know if I would say I am nervous, I am excited, but I just found out a couple of hours ago. I hadn't even completely adjusted to the idea of moving back yet." He said.
"Yeah." I said.
"Are you sure it isn't you who has the nerves now?" He asked.
"I am getting a wee bit nervous." I confessed.
"Good, you should be nervous, you're about to change your entire life." He said.
"Good?" I asked.
"Yeah, good. Nothing good in life comes without a bit of anxiety and fear. When I left for Peru I was extremely nervous about the decision. I didn't know if it would be a mistake. But I knew I couldn't stay - I needed to do something to save myself." He exclaimed.
"To save yourself? Things weren't that bad baby." I said.
"Things were that bad. Lost Liz, I lost you and more than that I lost myself. At first I thought it was because Liz died and then I thought it was because you wouldn't take me back, but really I just didn't know what wanted out of life." He said.
"Really?" I asked.
"Do you have selective memory or something?" He joked.
"I just didn't think that it had gotten that bad for you." I said.
"What are you talking about? Remember the conversation that we had?" He asked.
"Which conversation?" I inquired.
He smiled, "It was after Liz died, you and I made love - so in my mind we were going to get back together." He informed.
"I remember that." I said.
"When you told me no, I got wasted. I had that fight and you were at the apartment waiting for me. The next day you really let loose on me. You just called me out on everything that I had done and you called me out on my drinking and said that I wasn't well. You were right, no one had ever spoken to me like that before and it really made me think." He said.
"I don't remember letting loose on you. I remember wrapping your hands and staying with you that night, I watched you sleep." I said.
"I can't believe you don't remember. You were so pissed at me, you even hit me. You basically called me a careless jerk for drinking and fighting. You said that it wasn't the real me and that it hurt you to see me being less than what you knew I was." He reminded.
"I still don't really remember it like that. I remember being very worried about you and being very disappointed about how you were behaving but I don't remember yelling at you. That would have been awful - you were so sad about Liz. I only wanted to help you feel better." I said.
"I can't believe you have such a different account of it. I will never forget how furious you were. You called me out about Jonathan and about Liz and then you told me that you deserved better and you were right.
I had been a jerk and I was out of control. I needed to hear it. No one had ever spoken to me like that before; I was used to having things my own way until you came along. You were the one guy that I wanted that I couldn't have." He said and stroked the side of my face.
"As I recall you had me plenty." I said with a chuckle.
"Yeah, but on your terms." He countered.
"I was scared. You were like an Adonis. Handsome and smart, it was too good to be true. I thought that you would end up hurting me at first and then I was afraid that I would hurt you or disappoint you." I confessed.
"I was nervous too." He said.
"You?" I asked.
"You don't really understand how special you are. You thought that I was some type of Adonis but I thought of you as an angel - I wanted to take care of you. I could think of nothing but you. What were you doing? Why do you look sad today? What would it be like to kiss you?" He smiled. "That's all I could think about, the cute guy on the bus with the bright smile." He said.
I smiled.
"You said earlier that I had changed your life but you changed my life too Matty." He added.
We continued to talk until Blake fell asleep. I wasn't really tired. I thought about what he had said during our conversation, about how he felt that I had changed his life. I felt good that he believed that I had had such a positive impact on his life but I still didn't remember things the way he had described.
I decided to find the journals that I was keeping at the time to see if they could refresh my memory. I found the journals in a box in the back of my closet. I sat on the floor and leaned against the wall and began to sift through pages trying to find entries of interest.
Rereading things about the past from your own perspective is sobering. Things that seemed one way at the time take on a whole new light. Many of the things that seemed so awful turned out to be temporary and things that seemed like great decisions, some of them, had become proven mistakes.
I found the account of what happened the day I had the conversation with Blake, the one he said had such a profound effect on his life. He was right - I was pissed. I had hit him and screamed at him, just as he recounted.
The fact that I hadn't properly remembered that incident spurred me to read more of the journals. Some of it was very hard to read and other parts really made me smile. The box also contained a lot of pictures and letters and cards.
I sat in the closet for quite a while and looked at all of the mementos of the past uninterrupted. Then Blake came in.
"I thought I had gotten you out of the closet." He said with a smile.
"Don't you ever wear clothes?" I asked with a smirk.
"The way you have been behaving lately - they seem like a waste." He retorted.
"Well, you look so good without them." I observed.
"That's the reaction I had expected." He said playfully.
"Why don't you give daddy the full view?" I encouraged.
He bit his lower lip and did a full turn to allow me to get the complete view.
"You're such a beautiful boy." I commented.
"What are you doing in here?" He inquired.
"I am looking through the past." I replied.
"Oh." He said.
"Join me." I instructed.
He walked over and sat beside me.
"What brought on this sudden case of nostalgia?" He asked.
"Well, you. We had two different accounts of what happened the day after you had that bar fight. I remembered that I was journaling at the time; it was a part of my therapy. So I decided to look for an entry related to that incident." I explained.
"So, who was right?" He asked with a smirk.
"There is no right or wrong Mr. Mitchell." I replied.
He chuckled, "Oh, so I was right - no need to be a sore loser Matty, you are better than that." He said with a smile.
"You're right baby, I was wrong. Better?" I asked.
"Much better." He teased.
"You were more of a jerk than I remembered. I should have kicked your ass." I said.
"I know." He agreed.
"That's it, no rebuttal?" I asked.
"No rebuttal, I know that I am far from perfect." He said.
"Awww, you're being serious." I said.
"Yes, I am." He replied.
"Well, I will tell you a secret . . . . . I am not perfect either." I smiled.
"Really?" He asked playfully.
"I am glad that I looked through these things." I confessed.
"Yeah." He said.
"Yeah, I had never looked through most of these things, just threw them in a box and put them in the closet." I laughed.
"You should put these pictures in an album or make digital copies." He encouraged.
"I really should." I agreed.
"You seem perkier than before." He observed.
"I feel better, looking at these pictures has made happy. I think that we will have more memories to add soon." I said.
"I know we will." He said.
The next couple of days were busy with preparations for Christmas. When the day finally arrived it was a huge relief. Marie, Thomas and their two daughters came, as did Lena and her sister, Vanessa and Rico, and a couple of Blake's friends, Tim and John, in addition to Michael, Ray and Nate.
Dinner went off very well and everyone had exchanged and opened gifts, it was a real exuberant atmosphere. Since everyone was in such good spirits, Blake and I decided it would be the right time to announce our plans.
Miscellaneous:
Hey guys, hope you are enjoying the way the story is finishing. There is only one chapter left, yay!
I hope that everyone has a wonderful weekend. Remember have fun and be safe.
Appreciation:
Special thanks to Oscar, Lou, Arch, Clayton, Jake, Ed, Adolfo, Khalid, Gary, Lucas, Vern, John, Lance, Oz, Dudung, Alan, Terry, Rogue, Jerry, Paul, Greg, John J., Harold, Kim, Small, Barry, Michael B., Cameron, David S., Randy, Liam, Byron, Kris, Bryan, Fred, Leslie, Greg S., Chris, Tomaz, David, Alex, Tony, Jerry L., Emmanuel, Lulu, Joseph, Bruce, Peter M., Andrew, Matlock, Shawn, Bobby, Brissie, Dale, Gregory, Bill, Ryan, David R., Bradley, Jamie K., Haldon, Dave, B. L. M., Ron, Bruce, Tom, Mick, Curtis, JT and Mikal for their support, and everyone who has taken the time to follow this story, I really appreciate you all.
Sincerest thanks to Nifty and all of the wonderful participants who make this site possible, from the generous donors to the archivists and administrators, you all are truly appreciated.
Last but not least, thanks to the editor, Raziya, for all of the wonderful work.
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