Sleepy Days, Come No More Chapter 5
I walked toward the reception desk, "Hello, Blake." Then looked at the receptionist, and said, "Thank you Nicole." I looked at Blake, "Mr. Mitchell, if you would please follow me." I smiled.
I led him to my work area and closed the door. "What are you doing here?" I asked.
"I needed to speak to you." He exclaimed.
"I thought we agreed to speak on Wednesday, when I am off." I insisted.
"No, we didn't agree, you instructed." He retorted.
"I am sorry if you felt that I was unfair with you in some way, but this is not the place or the time to discuss this matter." I paused. "So, why don't we schedule a time for us to meet on Wednesday, that way it won't seem like a unilateral decision." I said as I removed my planner from my pocket.
He chuckled in disbelief, "So, that is it. You're going to treat me like some unwanted business acquaintance."
"Blake you seem upset, and when we are upset, the best thing is for us to take a few steps back to evaluate the situation." I said calmly. "I think that you should leave, and that we should speak later. If you would like, you can use my office to collect yourself, I can leave." I suggested.
"Really, so now you're treating me like one of your patients." He looked wounded. "No, fuck that, I'm not going anywhere." He said in a raised voice. "You can't just dismiss me." He declared loudly.
"I'm not trying to dismiss you. I'm just trying to communicate that this is not the ideal situation for this type of discussion." I said bluntly.
There was a knock on the door, I walked over and opened the door. It was one of the clerical workers. "Yes, Melissa?" I said.
"I heard shouting and profanity, should I call security?" She whispered.
"No, Melissa that will not be necessary. My associate and I were in the midst of a very difficult conversation and our emotions got the best of us, but they are well in hand now." I paused. "Actually, I'm glad you stopped by, I need these files delivered to the records department, and an update on these patients' medical histories." I said, while I walked to my desk to collect the files. I handed Melissa the materials and said, "I am terribly sorry for the disturbance and thanks for your concern." I smiled.
I closed and locked the door. Blake had stood there with his back to the door the entire time. He did not move an inch. There were two chairs placed in front of my desk, I arranged them so they faced each other, and signaled for Blake to sit.
He just stood there; I could tell that he was really upset. I took a deep breath, walked over to him, and nervously, took his hand. I tried to lead him to the chair, but he resisted. "Blake, come on you wanted to talk, let's talk." I said and he stopped resisting and sat down. I sat and looked in to his emerald eyes, but they were missing their usual exuberance.
"Steve, be direct with me. Where is this relationship going?" He asked sharply.
There was an intense period of silence, "Blake, you are a great guy. I mean you are smart, funny, and caring, not to mention extremely handsome." I took a deep breath. "But I just don't know if this is the right time for me to get involved with someone, and we have been moving really quickly." I said.
"I see." He said dryly.
"I think we should just take some time to evaluate the situation, and determine if either of us is prepared to go forward." I said calmly.
"I see, so you get to venture out of the closet, and experience the gay lifestyle and then retreat back into your shell when it becomes too real?" He retorted.
"That is not what I said. You are making assertions that may not be true." I paused. "Look, I can't do this with you. I'm just not built for relationships, I'm sorry." I exclaimed.
"You are full of shit. You are lying and not just to me, but to yourself. There is something special between us; I know you feel it too." He said sincerely.
"We barely know each other. What we have is mutual attraction and lust." I paused. "In time you will see that I'm right, and you will thank me for ending this now before either of us gets hurt." I exclaimed.
"Is that what this is about? You think I'm going to hurt you?" He asked.
I brushed my fingers across my brow and said, "I'm just so close to getting everything setup the way I planned and I just don't want any complications. And me with you could result in many complications." I confessed.
"Complications? Is that what this is to you, a complication?" He asked angrily.
"I didn't say that, but yes. This is a complication. I am being considered for a promotion, and I have a jilted lover in my office causing a scene." I said with agitation. "Yes, it is a complication, and one that I don't want. I have worked too hard; I have been too disciplined, to end up as water cooler gossip."
"So you're willing to hurt me, because you don't want to disrupt your routine." He paused. "I love you." He confessed. I nodded my head no. "Yes, I love you and I believe that you love me too. And I know that sounds flaky. I know we've been going out for less than a month, but I don't care that's how I feel, and I don't give a damn what anyone thinks about it." He professed with glassy eyes. "I watched you on that bus for months. It took me months to work up the nerve to talk to you. I have never felt that way about anyone or anything." Tears began to stream from his eyes. "I have been in relationships before, but I never felt this way about any of them. I told you things about myself that I have never told anyone else." He took a breath. "When I'm with you I feel completely safe, completely free." He paused. "Don't do this." He pleaded.
Seeing him cry ignited an overwhelming surge of emotions in me. I looked at him and said, "I am so sorry. I never wanted to do anything to hurt you." The tears in my eyes began to blur my vision. "I just can't take the chance that once I open myself to you that I won't be hurt." I paused and wiped my eyes. "I'm scared, I've never been in a relationship before, and I never had someone sleep next to me in my bed. To have someone run their hands all over my body, and for me to have my hands all over them. I'm with you and I feel tingly all over. I'm thinking of you all the time." I sobbed. "I can't do that. I can't invest so much of myself into something that I have no control over. I can't be hurt again, I just can't." I professed.
"Baby" He started.
"No, it has taken so long for me to have some semblance of security. I smile and I take everything in stride but I'm fragile." I paused. "If you were to hurt me I don't know if I would survive it." I exclaimed. "You say you love me and I believe you, because I love you too, but love is no guarantee to a happy ending." I said.
Blake reached over and took my hands and pulled me from my chair, towards his lap. I sat in his lap and he wiped the tears from my eyes. "Steve, you're right I can't guarantee that our relationship is going to be some type of fairy tale, but I want to try." He looked in my eyes, and they were still glassy, but the exuberance had returned. "Let me try to be your Prince Charming." He said sweetly.
I felt so tired. I just could not continue to argue with him. He was right. I knew that there was something special between us. I had dreamed of someone to care about me. I had fantasized about being with Blake. I was still scared, but I did not have the will to continue to rationalize ending our relationship, especially since I knew it was a decision that I would regret.
"Well, you have me sitting in your lap, that has to be an unfair advantage." I smiled meekly. "Not to mention you have completely ambushed me. I am too tired to fight against you and myself. I want to give this a try." I took a deep breath. "Your application for Prince Charming has been reviewed and accepted." I submitted.
He wrapped his arms around me, "Good. I thought I would have to pitch a tent outside of your apartment." He smiled.
I leaned down and kissed the crown of his head. "Aren't you supposed to be at work?" I asked.
"I requested a personal day; there were more pressing matters that I needed to attend to." He said.
"Well, have the matters been attended?" I asked with a smile.
"Yes, they have." He exclaimed.
I freed myself from his grasp and rose from his lap. "You have made it completely impossible for me to continue my duties." I smiled as I walked over to my desk and picked the phone, and proceeded to dial. "Good afternoon, this is Steven." I paused and listened. "No, there was no problem with the administration of medicine. I was calling to let you know that I have completed the client files you requested and had them sent to the records department." I paused and listened. "Thank you. Well, it seemed like the best option." I listened. "Actually, I am calling to inform you that I have had an emergent personal issue arise and I will need to take the remainder of the day off." I listened. "Thank you, and say hello to Judith for me." I hung up the phone.
I looked over at Blake, "So, you want to get out of here?" I asked.
"Absolutely." He exclaimed.
"Am I allowed to walk, or are going to hoist me over your shoulder and drag me out of here?" I smirked.
"Is that what you want me to do?" He retorted.
"Perhaps, another time." I exclaimed.
After our conversation I was still feeling confused. Not confused about how I felt about Blake, but confused regarding the proper way to manage the situation. I felt disoriented; I think it was a result of so much happening so fast, it seemed unreal.
I still had concerns about moving forward with Blake, but I was happy that I decided to give it a chance. The fact that he came to my office and confronted me, only endeared him to me more. I thought it was extremely sexy that he called me out on my excuses. No one had ever really fought to be in my life and it made me feel good.
We left my office and headed down to the main floor. We took a taxi to my place. Once we arrived, I made a pot of tea, and we sat on the sofa to talk.
I looked into his beautiful emerald eyes, and said, "I am happy that you came to my office and made such a strong stance." I paused. "It is easy to walk away, it takes a lot of courage to expose your feelings like you did, I am proud of you." I said sincerely.
"Thank you. I meant what I said, I love you and I want to be with you." He exclaimed.
"You know I have never been in a relationship before, so much of my observations come from movies or books, so it is very unusual that we have confessed our love for one another so early. I was suppose to pine after you, and you were suppose to be oblivious to me, then once you saw that I was the one you wanted, I was to be standing at the altar with another." I chuckled. "This completely defies pop culture protocol." I smiled.
"I'm sorry if I didn't live up to the standards of Mr. Darcy." He laughed.
"You have exceeded Mr. Darcy." I smiled. "But seriously, you know all those things I said in the office are still factors, I am still afraid and a little insecure. I am happy we are together, I just want to be upfront about the difficulties that a relationship with me might pose." I exclaimed.
"I know it will take some time. I just want us to be honest with each other." He said.
"I feel like I am trying dissuade you, but I know that you are experienced and you may have some expectations that I may not be ready to fulfill." I confessed.
"Are you talking about sex?" He grinned.
"Yes. I know you have probably been active, and I don't know what your usual time frame is for sealing the deal, but I am a little old fashioned, and a lot nervous." I admitted.
"Sex is great. I mean I love it, but I don't want to have sex with you. I want to make love to you, I want to be gentle and to take my time, and go at your pace." He paused. "I get tingly with you too. I'm nervous about being with you, because I want it to be special." He said.
"Um, are you assuming that I am going to be the bottom, because I had plans for that rear." I said.
"I am inexperienced in that department, some of my past partners have asked but all were denied, but if that is truly something you want to do then, I couldn't choose a better lover to submit myself to." He said sincerely.
"It is like you are reading from a script; you always say exactly what I want to hear. I wonder if that will fade over time." I said.
"No it won't fade." He exclaimed.
"I wanted to ask you to sleep over tonight, but then I remembered how horrible I have been to you over the past two weeks, and I need to give you a proper apology." I paused. "I got scared and I behaved badly, I never should have avoided you, I should have been completely upfront with you." I looked in his eyes and said, "I am truly sorry, and I want you to know that I am going to make every effort to be completely honest with you about my feelings. I hope you can forgive me." I said sincerely.
"You're right you did hurt my feelings, it hurt to be shut out, because I care about you, and I knew that you were probably having some doubts and I just want you to feel comfortable enough with me to confide in me." He paused. "Of course I forgive you." He exclaimed.
"Thank you." I smiled. "Would you like to stay over tonight?" I asked.
"Yes, I would." He replied.
"It is still early, I feel like a nap, but is there anything you want to do later?" I asked.
"No, I just want to have some one on one time with you. I feel a little drained myself, our confrontation really took it out of me." He said.
"Well, let's get you rested up." I smiled, stood up and took Blake by the hand and led him to the bedroom. He started to undress, but I said, "No, Let me."
I knelt and unlaced each of his steel toe boots, and then I removed them one at a time. Next, I removed both of his socks. I sat up on my knees and unbuckled his belt, and unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. I pulled down his pants to his ankles, and then I lifted each leg to loose them. Next, I curled my fingers around the waistband of his underwear and slowly pulled them down to his ankles, exposing his beautiful crotch. I lifted each of his legs to remove the underwear completely.
I took a moment to ogle Blake. He looked really sexy. He stood tall with his hair about his shoulders, with his upper body encased in a grey mesh cotton top, and his lower body completely nude. I stared into his crotch and had a desperate urge to take him into my mouth, but I resisted, I wanted it to be special, I wanted to wait. I didn't want to feel bad about the decision later.
After, a few moments of drinking him in, I rose to my feet and removed his mesh top; he leaned forward to assist in the process. Then I removed his undershirt in the same fashion.
Now he was completely nude. I stepped closer toward him, until our bodies were touching. I wrapped my hands around his head and gave him a moist kiss. He wanted to undress me but I told him that he could watch me undress from the bed.
I undressed and joined him in bed. We lay there face to face, speaking only through our eyes. I loved this; I loved laying here in bed with him. I loved inhaling his scent. At some point we drifted off to sleep. We slept for a couple of hours.
When we woke Blake went to his apartment to gather some belongings. I started dinner: roast chicken, brown rice, and peas. When Blake returned, he put away his things. We talked while we waited for dinner. We ate, watched television and talked further. He completed 100 sit ups and 100 pushups, I watched. Then, we made out and went to sleep.
The next morning Blake went for a run. We completed our hygiene, had breakfast, got dressed, and went to work. The next few days followed the same course, we alternated between our two apartments, but nothing terribly exciting happened, we just enjoyed each other's company.
I spoke with Marie and I told her about what had unfolded between Blake and I. She invited us out to dinner with her boyfriend. Blake said that it sounded good to him, so we agreed to go out Friday evening for dinner and drinks.
Friday evening came quickly. I had a few errands to run after work, so Blake and I decided to meet at my place. I made it home around 6:30 pm. I had gone shopping for clothes, so I went about putting things away. Shortly after my arrival there was a knock on the door. It was Blake. I opened the door and let him in.
"Hey, babe." I said with a smile.
Blake came in and kissed me on the cheek. "How was your day?" He asked.
"It was pretty busy. Well, the hospital is preparing for an annual assessment of patient care. So, I have been wadding through incident reports, about accidents and allegations of abuse, over a 12 month period. Then I will have to compile the information into a report." I exclaimed.
"You have been doing a lot of paper work lately, didn't you use to be more involved in direct care." He asked.
"Yeah, but the person who managed patient care for the psychiatric sector, retired. So, the director of nursing asked me and another nurse to fill in until they can replace her." I said.
"Oh. Well, they made a good choice." He said with a smile.
"Thank you, I think they did too." I confessed. "I was out today and I picked some things up for you." I went to the bedroom and brought out three, large shopping bags and handed them to Blake.
"Baby, what is all of this?" He asked as he walked over to the sofa so he could sort through the items.
"I had to pick up some things for myself, and I saw those mesh cotton shirts you like, and they were having a sale on undergarments, so I bought you some boxer briefs, and long johns." I smiled.
He began to open the garment boxes. "Are these for me?" He asked holding up two sweaters.
"Yeah. I got you a few outfits also. A couple of sweaters, a few button up shirts, and some pants." I chuckled. "I would see something on display and think Blake would look good in that. But I think they are all your style." I exclaimed.
"Yeah, they are, except for these." He paused. "I don't wear thongs or bikini cut underwear." He said.
I grinned broadly, "Well, I knew that you would be extremely grateful for the gifts," I paused, "and that you would want to show your gratitude, and I didn't want you to be burdened by the thoughts of how to thank me, so I bought those for you as a gift to me." I bit my lip. "And I will be so grateful to see you in them, at your earliest convenience." I exclaimed.
"This must be what it is like to be a kept man." He smirked.
He finished viewing his gifts and then sat on the sofa and summoned me to join him. I was passing by Blake to sit next to him, when he took my hand in his and guided me down onto his lap. I leaned back against him and he wrapped his arms around my abdomen. I moaned softly. It felt really good to be in Blake's arms, to feel his face pressed against my back.
"Baby, thank you for the clothes, I really appreciate them." He said.
"I was happy to do it; you deserve that and so much more." I said sincerely.
"Do you want to fool around a little?" He asked as he worked his hands under my shirt and began to tweak my nipples. I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes.
"Sto.Stop." I stuttered through clinched teeth. "We have to leave soon." I exclaimed.
"Please, baby, I don't want to stop." He exhaled and I felt his hot breath against my cloth covered back.
We sat there for a few minutes, in silence, and then Blake released me from his grasp and we prepared for our departure.
Marie and her boyfriend Thomas greeted us at the entrance of the restaurant. Thomas was tall and lanky. He had dark brown skin and short black hair. He had a square jaw, bright eyes, and a pretty smile. We entered the restaurant and were seated. We ordered our meals and began to talk.
"So, Blake I hear you have a background in education." Thomas said.
"Yeah, I have a master's degree in secondary education and political science. I usually teach history or current event based courses." Blake explained.
"I actually wanted to be a history teacher, that was my first declared major, but then I became interested in the social sciences, but I minored in history." Thomas exclaimed.
"So did I. I was supposed to get a dual degree in history and political science and then go to law school, but like you I had a change of heart." Blake said.
"Steven, did you hear anything about that promotion?" Marie asked.
"No, they will make their decision by the close of next month." I explained.
We continued to talk until the food was brought out. We continued to talk through the meal.
"Taste this, baby." Blake said bringing his fork to my mouth.
I paused for a moment and then opened my mouth allowed Blake to feed me. As I chewed I nodded my head in approval of the taste.
"Wow. Blake you must be magic, because Steven doesn't eat or drink after anyone. I believe he refers to it as unsanitary' and uncouth'." Marie said with a smile.
"Well, I am a very clean person, and am only dirty upon special request." Blake said looking at me with a devilish grin. Which brought a unison of laughter.
I blushed, "Wow. I am so glad we decided to go out tonight. I am having a really good time." I smiled.
"So where is this bar that we're going to?" Blake asked.
"It's right down the street, we can walk, the Sky Bar. Have you heard of it?" Thomas replied.
"Yeah, I've been there a few times." He paused. "So, let me run to the restroom and if you all are ready, we can head out?" Blake said as he nudged me under the table with his knee.
"I think I'll go too, better safe than sorry." I said with a smiled.
"You guys be good." Thomas joked.
I followed Blake to the restroom. There was one other guy in there but he was coming out as we were going in.
"What's up? Why did you nudge me?" I asked curiously.
"I used to frequent the Sky Bar with someone I used to date, he is a bartender there." Blake explained.
"Okay," I paused, "should I be prepared to have a fist fight with this guy or something?" I laughed.
"No. I just wanted you to know." Blake said.
"Blake, I know that you have been with other guys. I mean you are a very handsome man and you have a great personality, so I would expect that you could have just about anyone you want." I said. "But thanks for the heads up. I appreciate it." I exclaimed.
"I'm with the person I want to be with." Blake smiled.
I chuckled, "That is very good to hear, but you have already caught this fish." I smiled.
"Now, I'm trying to keep him." Blake said as he stepped forward and pressed his lips against mine. It wasn't really a kiss; we just stood there with our lips touching. It felt good.
Suddenly, the swung open and I heard, "What are you guys doing in here?" I looked over to see Thomas standing there. We all laughed.
"Are you guys ready?" Thomas asked.
We left the restroom, met up with Marie and started toward the bar. It was a nice bar. It a had sporty like theme lots of flat screen televisions. There were dart boards and pool tables; there was even an air hockey table in the back. There was a large bar with stools, and were tables sporadically placed throughout. There was a small stage at the front of the bar, and a moderate sized open area in front of the stage, I assumed it was for dancing.
There was a decent sized crowd; enough that there was a constant flow of energy, but not rising to the level of frenzy. Blake and Thomas shared a pitcher of beer, Marie had a tomahawk, and I had papaya juice. We played darts and doubles' in pool. We were having a really good time; there was a lot of joking around and some current event discussions.
Marie and I went to the bar to get more drinks. One of the bartenders came over to wait on us. He was about 5'11; he had short brown hair, and appeared to be really fit. He was very handsome. He looked at me and said, "How can I help you?"
"I would like a pitcher of beer, a tomahawk, and a glass of papaya juice." I said.
He produced a pitcher from beneath the bar and began to fill it with beer. He looked at me as he filled the pitcher and asked, "Are you here with Blake?"
I smiled and said, "Yes, I am here with Blake, my friend Marie," I tilted my head towards Marie, "and her guy." I exclaimed. "Do you know Blake?" I asked.
He smirked, put the, now full, pitcher of beer on the counter and said, "I'm his ex-boyfriend, Miguel."
"Oh, well nice to meet you, I'm Steven." I said with a smiled.
"Has he told you about me?" Miguel asked pointedly.
"He mentioned that there was a person who worked here that he once associated with." I said.
"That's all, well I guess he wouldn't tell the new guy about the things he did with the old one. Though I must say, you are not his usual type." Miguel smirked.
I chuckled, "Oh, I'm not?" I said sweetly.
"No, he usually goes for really attractive, sexy guys, who are super fit." Miguel said as he scanned my body with his eyes.
Marie started to speak, but I signaled her to stop. I looked at Miguel in his eyes and said, "I'm going to need for you to understand a few things." I paused.
Special thanks to J.T. for his insightful and encouraging comments.
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