Sleepy Days, Come No More
Chapter 46
After I left Blake's I went to the park and people watched. It was a nice distraction. People walked by, some with partners, some with children and dogs, others alone. I would wonder if the couples were romantically linked or simply plutonic friends. I wondered what they were smiling about, what they were saying.
I watched a young couple with their small children. The father had a child on his shoulders, while the mother pushed another in a stroller. They were laughing and smiling as they moved passed me, they seemed to be gliding rather than walking.
My mother always warned against looking into the lives of other people, she said that things always appeared better from a distance, but I couldn't help but be a little envious of this family. It looked like the one I once thought I would have, an attractive spouse and cute children. That seemed like such a far stretch for me now.
I seemed more like the middle aged man who was walking around alone. Oblivious to the world around him, lost in his own personal world all suited with a sound track. He bobbed his head to the beat as he strode about. Maybe he was really quite happy. Solitude is an amazing opportunity for personal development and growth.
I remained at the park for a several hours. I moved around from bench to bench and bought various snacks and beverages. After my third hot dog I realized that I should probably go home and given the fact that I had three hot dogs in addition to soda and candy, I decided to take the long route.
Once I made it home I took a shower and watched a movie. It was still pretty early but I decided to go to bed anyway. Since I went to bed so early I also woke up early. I lay in bed for a while and just thought about a few things. After that I climbed out of bed and went to the bathroom.
I had a light breakfast and watched the morning news. Then I decided to work on a presentation for work. I had gotten through the first couple of pages of notes before the ringing of my phone disrupted my efforts. I picked up the phone and prepared to answer. It was Michael.
"Hey Mikey." I said with enthusiasm.
"Hey Steve." He said.
"How are you, it is early. Have you been to bed yet?" I asked.
"I am fine. Malcolm and I had a fight. But it was nothing serious. I just wanted to hear your voice; I figured that you might be up." He informed.
"I am awake. I was just working on a presentation. It is so good to hear your voice. How is everything? What did you and Malcolm fight about? How is his family treating you?" I probed.
"Everything is alright. I don't know how our fight began, we were at a club and I was talking this guy, maybe I was flirting a little bit but it was completely harmless. He acted like I he caught me having sex with the guy or something. He flirts with guys sometimes too; it is just a little playful banter." He informed.
"Well, how do you feel when he flirts with other guys?" I inquired.
"I don't know." He said.
"You don't know? It doesn't matter to you when he flirts with some other guy?" I asked.
"I mean I don't necessarily like it but I don't get all upset about it." He said.
"But it does bother you?" I asked.
"A little." He confessed.
"Well, what did Malcolm say?" I inquired.
"He basically said that I was being a prick and that he didn't like what the guy was saying to me and that he felt like I was encouraging him. But I'm telling you we only spoke for like five minutes, it was nothing. The guy wasn't even that cute." He said.
"I am hardly the person to be giving you relationship advice, but if you are with Malcolm then you should be with Malcolm. If it bothers him that you are flirting, rather it is harmless or not, you should respect his wishes and you should tell him that the same rules apply to him, since you don't like him flirting either." I suggested.
"I don't know, I mean I don't want to tell him not to flirt. I don't want to appear needy or jealous." He said.
"But you don't like it. It is your choice rather to tell or not but if you two can't set some ground rules or boundaries then there are always going to be fights. It's like when we first started living together; there were boundaries and rules we had to establish so we would not offend each other. Like you drinking from the milk carton or leaving crumbs in the jelly." I said with a laugh.
"Or your OCD." He countered.
"Anyway, you stopped drinking out of the cartoon and I started buying the jelly in the squeeze bottle, problem solved. Now if you and Malcolm have to decide if you want to have the type of relationship where you are open to flirt or see other people than that needs to be established, but clearly neither of you really want an open relationship or it would not bother you if the other one flirts." I said.
"No! I don't want an open relationship. I guess I should talk to Malcolm about the flirting. I guess I need to apologize too, I think I was kind of trying to make him jealous." He admitted.
"How is everything else? Is his family nice to you?" I asked.
"Everything is fine. We have been working with his cousin, moving furniture, it isn't really my thing but the pay is cool. And his family is nice; they are a bit on the exhibitionist side but all in good fun." He said.
"Exhibitionist?" I asked with interest.
"Yeah, I have seen more cocks and breast here then on Cinemax. Well, Cinemax doesn't usually show cocks, which is a real downer." He said with a laugh.
"That sounds interesting." I said.
"It is lively." He replied.
"Do you need any money? Let me send you some money." I asked and insisted.
"Well, I don't really need any money but if you insist, it won't hurt." He said with a laugh.
"Alright I will wire you some money. I want you to have some fun, buy yourself something or whatever." I said.
"Thanks. I really appreciate that Steve." He said.
"It is nothing." I contended.
"No it means a lot to me man." He paused. "So what is going on there? Work? Fun?" He asked with excitement.
"Nothing much. Work is fine. Fun, I don't know if I having much fun but I am fine. It is quiet with you gone though." I answered.
"Awww, you miss me." He said with a chuckle.
"Kind of." I said.
"Anything else? How's Marie and the gang?" He inquired.
"Everyone is fine. Blake is moving to Peru." I informed.
"What? Peru? Why?" He asked in quick succession.
"Yes, he is moving to Peru. He will be teaching there." I replied.
"All of a sudden? How long?" He asked.
"I think it was a pretty spontaneous decision but he said that he had thought about in the past and had wanted to do it for a long time, so I guess the opportunity presented itself and he took it. I am not sure how long he will be gone, we didn't really get into the details but he said at least 3 months." I answered.
"How do you feel about that?" He asked with concern.
"Think that it is an admirable thing to teach children and to follow your dreams, ummm, I am happy for him. I just hope everything goes well there." I said.
"Okay, that sounded easy, have you practiced the answer?" He asked with a chuckle.
"Don't be a smartass Michael." I said.
"Now I am Michael, at first I was Mikey, your beloved friend, now I am Michael. I guess I better not ask any more questions about your boyfriend, I mean friend, Blake or else you may not send me any money." He said with a laugh.
"Goodbye Mikey." I said.
"Goodbye. I love you." He said with playful enthusiasm.
"I love you too dickhead!" I said mimicking his tone.
After I finished talking to Michael I continued to prepare the presentation. I worked through the day and evening and finally stopped around 9 pm and headed off to bed.
The next couple of weeks were uneventful. I had work, therapy and the health center classes. Then it was time for my vacation. As I said before it was my first real vacation so I was very excited and a little nervous since I was going alone and wouldn't know anyone but mostly excited.
I had to take a plane to Florida to meet the cruise ship. The flight was a little shaky but we managed to land safely so that was a relief. I was able to get to the ship in plenty of time. My room was somewhat small but it was comfortable. I unpacked, showered and then went out on to one of the decks.
The ocean was tremendous. It was so, well, big. There was nothing but blue greenish water for miles and miles. I found an empty lounge chair and lay down beneath the sunny blue sky. I closed my eyes and inhaled the sea air; it actually made me reminisce about my time at the clinic, particularly that night on the beach that I had spent with Chuck.
The ship was huge and there were many activities available. And we docked several times for tourism. I bought souvenirs from various stands and I attended a few of the shows held on the ship. I had become acquainted with a couple of people of the ship and I spent some time with them. We discussed general topics and played games, but for the most part I hung out near the pool or just sat on the deck and peered out at the sea.
The cruise was great but I was happy to get off of the ship. I never thought of myself as claustrophobic but being on a ship for an extended amount of time, even though it was huge, made me a little uneasy. It was nice to be on solid ground again.
After the cruise I stayed at a cheap motel near the airport. The next day I took a flight to Las Vegas to visit Chuck. The flight was smooth and I arrived early in the evening. Chuck sent me a text message letting me know that he was running behind. So, I wandered around a bit trying to kill time, which made it difficult for Chuck to find me, but we were able to locate each other in due time.
I had intended to get a hotel room but Chuck insisted that I stay with him. Apparently he had a sofa bed and he thought it would be fun to have a houseguest. The apartment was just on the outskirts of Las Vegas. We carried my bags in to the apartment and then talked for a while.
"How the fuck are you man? How was the cruise?" Chuck asked with excitement.
"I am good, the cruise was, relaxing. I enjoyed it." I replied.
"Did you meet anyone on the cruise ship? Any cute guys?" He asked with a smile.
"There were plenty cute guys; most of them had cute wives and girlfriends though." I said with a chuckle.
"But you were checking out the beef, so does that mean you are ready to jump back in the sea?" He asked with a smirk.
"Nope, I am not a very good swimmer." I countered.
"Then find a lifeguard." He advised.
"That was quick, very good reply Charles." I said with a smile.
"Charles? Okay I guess that means you aren't ready to take a swim yet but I still want to party while you are here." He informed.
"Party?" I asked.
"Yeah, party. You do know what that is or has it been that long since you had a good time?" He countered.
"I have a good time all the time." I replied.
"Yeah, filing paperwork and drafting reports is certainly my idea of a great time." He said.
"I do more than just work asshole." I said.
"Every time we talk you are always working on some project or studying, except when you are hooking up with your ex at funerals." He said with a smirk.
"I knew I shouldn't have told you that." I replied.
"Why not? I was proud of you; he is a hot piece of ass. Too bad he is all the way in Peru by now. But there are going to be plenty of hot guys at the club we are going to tonight." He said.
"You want to go out tonight? I thought that we would hang out here, just chill out." I informed.
"We can do that any time. You are on vacation. We are in sin city, what happens here stays here." He said with a smile. "Besides there are plenty of great places to go. I even got tickets to a couple of shows." He informed.
"Oh." I said.
"Yes. This is not going to be a quiet trip Stevie; this is going to be fun and adventurous." He exclaimed with enthusiasm.
"Don't you have to work during the day?" I inquired.
"The night time will be our time. You let me worry about work." He advised.
"Alright, I guess I'll play along. What are we doing tonight?" I asked.
"Well, we are going to the Strip of course. There is this great gay club called the Krave there. It opens late so we will have dinner first and check out one of the casinos." He informed.
"A dinner, a casino and a club all in one night?" I asked.
"Yeah. We won't be at the casino long though. I just want to take you to one and we need might need to kill a little time after dinner since the club doesn't open till late. We can always go to another one later in the week." He explained.
"When are we leaving?" I inquired.
"Around 7, 7:15." He answered.
"Okay, well give me a tour." I said.
He showed me around the apartment. It was a decent size, perfect for a single person. I took a shower and changed in to a pair of sweats. Then I went to the living room and called Marie and Michael to let them know that I had made it to Vegas and that everything was fine.
I watched television for about an hour until Chuck told me to get ready. We both got dressed and were soon headed to the Strip. We had dinner and went to a casino just as he said we would. Then we arrived at the Krave.
It was more than I expected it would be. It was not merely a gay club, it was a strip club. Chuck was quite amused by my reaction to that fact. I had never been to a strip club before and I was celibate and did not want to be unnecessarily tempted, but I went along with it.
Chuck found us a couple of seats right in front of the stage. There were several extremely fit and attractive men dancing about with money hanging from their undergarments. There was, of course, a constant stream of loud music that shook the place. There was also much dancing going on.
After spending a while viewing and patronizing the dancers, Chuck insisted that we go out on the floor and dance. We started out together but as was common, I was soon left alone when my companion caught the eye of another man. It was cool; I liked watching Chuck have fun. And there was no shortage of people to dance with.
Like I have said before, I love dancing it is a liberating experience for me. The music was fast and loud. It pounded through my body as I moved and shook to the beat. I found myself dancing with a couple of different guys. It was all very random; the dance floor was so crowded that it was like a huge dance orgy. It was a really nice atmosphere in the club.
One thing that I did notice as I observed the surrounding, was that there were quite a few VIP sections that were roped off but most of them were empty but the club was packed and you would think that they would open a few of those areas to accommodate the clientele. I guess the reason that stuck out to me was because it was very difficult to find a vacant seat once I was ready to rest my feet.
I sat at a table for a while to catch my breath and then I went over to the bar to buy a beverage. After that I sat back down at the table. About thirty minutes later Chuck joined me at the table with a tall companion.
"Why are you over here?" Chuck asked.
"I am sitting." I replied.
"You shouldn't be sitting with your ass pressed against some hard seat, you be on the floor with your ass pressed against some hard guy." Chuck said with a smirk.
"Is that what you were doing with your friend here?" I asked Chuck signaling toward his companion.
Chuck laughed, "This is Tyler, he comes here often. Tyler this is my good friend Steven." Chuck introduced.
"Hello Tyler." I said to the tall man.
"Good to meet you." Tyler replied.
"Nice to meet you too Tyler." I said with a smile.
"So, you just came back from the Bahamas?" Tyler asked.
"Yeah, Chuck told you?" I asked.
"Yeah, he mentioned it. I have been to the Bahamas several times myself. How did you like it?" Tyler asked.
"Well, most of the time I was on the ship so it wasn't much of a visit to the Bahamas as it was a site seeing thing. We did stop and visit some of the islands. It was nice. The natives were very friendly and welcoming." I said.
"Yeah, they're very nice if you are spending money." Tyler said with a laugh.
"That may have been the reason." I said.
"So how long are you visiting Mr. Badass?" Tyler asked.
"I am visiting Chuck until Saturday, I don't really know of any Mr. Badass." I said.
"Oh, he must be on his best behavior with you." Tyler said.
"I hope that the behavior he shows me isn't his best." I said with a chuckle.
"It is my best behavior, which I show all the time." Chuck chimed in.
"Oh." I replied.
"And it isn't polite to talk about someone especially when they are sitting right in front of you." Chuck retorted.
We all talked to each other for a few more minutes and then a guy came over to talk to Chuck and they both disappeared from sight leaving Tyler and I alone. Tyler invited me out to the dance floor and I accepted.
He was a bit more physical than I prefer in a dance partner but he didn't cross the line. And it was fun to dance and let myself loose. We stayed at the club until early the next morning. Then we went to a restaurant and had breakfast, Tyler came along.
After breakfast Chuck and I went back to his place and crashed. We slept mid way through the afternoon. That evening we were back at it again. We went to a show at a casino and then went to another gay club, though it wasn't on the Strip.
This went on for the next four days; it was crazy, but fun. Then on Thursday we hooked up with a few of Chucks friends, including Tyler, and went to a house party. Everything was going well. Of course there was lots of alcohol, smoking and loud music but that didn't bother me.
It almost felt like I was a teenager or college student again, or at least how they make it seem in movies. The house was pretty dark so I bumped into plenty of people but no one seemed upset by that. I spent most of the night with Tyler, Chuck was around a lot too, but he was very popular and was thus whisked away often.
As the night turned to day and the party was winding down I sought out to look for Chuck. Tyler told me that he would find him for me but I was pretty adamant about finding him myself, especially since Tyler seemed to be trying to persuade me not to seek him.
The house was not so big but it was big enough to have trouble locating someone. I passed lots of people, some passed out others appeared dazed and some were opening doors and adjusting clothes. I walked along the hallways looking for Chuck, when I saw someone I recognized. It was the guy from the club that Chuck had went with on my first night.
I stopped him and asked had he seen Chuck. He just laughed and gestured to a doorway. I nodded to him in appreciation and then made my way to the doorway. The door was slightly ajar but I knocked on it anyway. There was no answer so I pushed the door open and saw Chuck sitting on the floor with his back against the wall. There were a few other people in the room also.
"Chuck." I said but he didn't respond. "Chuck." I repeated louder.
He looked up at me with distanced eyes. He smiled and his head kind of bobbed up and down as if it had become too heavy to support. Something was obviously wrong with him.
Acknowledgment:
I would again like to take the time to acknowledge the amazing staff at Nifty for all of their terrific efforts in providing a platform for the GBLT community to share the joy of creativity. I know as a first time author, it has been an extremely encouraging experience to have such an avenue available to me and I am truly grateful.
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Comments:
I have very much enjoyed your writing and your story. I have been a ay man now for more than 50 years. I am in a long term relationship this one for 30 years. I sometimes wonder why people analyze themselves to death. Just how long are these two people, who are in love, going to hurt each other?ÿ Life is compromise we all know that h Adrian has it why doesn't Steven?ÿ Steven reminds me of some of my younger gay friends who act just like he does. Steven is going to end up an old maid, much more bitter than he is and extremely sexually frustrated. The celibacy thing is so silly that even priests know better. Forgiving doesn't seem not be in Stevens make up. He is so stuck on himself that he never will figure out the relationship. Now are you intentionally running the story line along or do you actually see these guys getting back together. Why on earth go and see Blake and then write him off and then say I still love you man. Well do you or don't you and why not just stay away and get on with your own lonely life. I know this is fiction but really. Thanks for listening. I am enjoying the story. Although I want to slap Steven silly. Thanks.
Peter
I hope you're doing well... I just read 44 and 45. ÿThe longer the two of them stay apart/broken up, the sadder I am. ÿI wish that you would just have Matt talk to his therapist about the situation who will tell him to give it a chance and they can just get back together already! ÿHahaha. ÿI hope that they can fix their lives while Blake is away, and then come to the realization that they miss each other too much and want to get back together :) ÿEither way, I look forward to reading more!
Jerry
These were certainly 2 interesting chapters.ÿ It never occurred to me that both Steven and Blake had insecurities.ÿ Steven going into his shell and going celibateÿwhen he couldn't deal with things and Blake turning to the bottle.ÿIts too bad that their relationship started off so quickly instead of giving them the chance to really know and trust each other unconditionally.ÿÿ Will be something to see how the story evolves now with the distance that will be between them.
Greg N.
Appreciation:
Special thanks to Oscar, Lou, Arch, Clayton, Jake, Ed, Adolfo, Khalid, Gary, Lucas, Vern, John, Lance, Oz, Dudung, Alan, Terry, Rogue, Jerry, Paul, Greg, John J., Harold, Kim, Small, Barry, Michael B., Cameron, David S., Randy, Liam, Byron, Kris, Bryan, Fred, Tomaz, David, Alex, Tony, Jerry L., Emmanuel, Lulu, Joseph, Bruce, Peter M., Andrew, Matlock, Shawn, Bobby, Brissie, Dale, Gregory, Bill, Ryan, David R., Bradley, Ron, Bruce, Tom, Mick, Curtis, JT and Mikal for their support, and everyone who has taken the time to follow this story, I really appreciate you all.
Sincerest thanks to Nifty and all of the wonderful participants who make this site possible, from the generous donors to the archivists and administrators, you all are truly appreciated.
Last but not least, thanks to the editor, Raziya, for all of the wonderful work.
Let Me Know:
Please, forward any comments or feedback to bonotorros@yahoo.com. I would also encourage you to visit the yahoo group, Bono's Corner at http://uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/bonoscorner.
Whichever one you choose I look forward to hearing your thoughts.