Sleepy Days, Come No More
Chapter 33
A couple of weeks passed. School was back in session and patient admittance increased, which meant more work at the hospital. I had to cut back on my therapy sessions, from twice a week to once, due to scheduling conflicts.
I was still thinking about expanding my sexual experiences but had not taken any steps to do so. Most of my free time had been dedicated to the fair. There were only a few days left until the big day and Michael and I were working very hard to get all the last minute details squared away.
We had a meeting with Robert and the other people involved with the fair, the speakers, booth operators, and the crew of students who were helping with organization. After the meeting I went to the library to study. While I was there I ran into Michael's friend Ryan.
We made small talk for a few minutes but it was obvious that he wanted to talk about something, he just seemed too bashful to address it, so I asked.
"What's going on Ryan?" I asked.
"What do you mean?" He countered.
"Well we have talked about the weather, the fair, even the muffins in the cafeteria, but clearly there is something else you want to talk about." I said.
He blushed, "I wanted to ask you about Michael." He confessed.
"What about him?" I inquired.
He sighed heavily, "Well, we have been seeing each other for a while but I don't know how he feels about me. I really like him but he never gives me any play." He explained.
"Have you talked to him about this?" I asked.
"I have tried but he always talks around the issue. I know that you are close with him . . . . I thought that you might know how he feels about me." He said.
"You two go out with each other quite a bit, so he must like you to some degree. I don't know exactly how he feels about you, I haven't really asked him, but even if I did, I would not betray his confidence. I mean you really should ask him these questions." I proclaimed.
"Yeah I know, but . . . ." He paused.
"Ryan, if you like Michael and want some type of commitment, then you need to tell him that." I exclaimed.
"What if I tell him that and he just breaks things off all together?" He asked.
"That is the risk you will have to take. If he says no, then at least you will have your answer. Then you can decide what you want to do next, but maybe he will say yes. You will never know until you ask." I said.
We talked further and he agreed to talk to Michael and then we parted ways. Later that night I returned home and spoke with Michael. Initially, we just discussed the fair and what I wanted him to help me with. Then I asked him about Ryan.
"Michael, what is going on with you and Ryan?" I asked.
"I told you. He is a nice guy, I like him, but he isn't my type." Michael informed.
"Have you told him that?" I asked.
"No. I mean, we are just friends. We go out dancing and hang out, but nothing serious . . . . a little kissing and flirting, but we have flirted with other guys in front of each other too." He said.
"I think you should clarify that for Ryan." I suggested.
"Why are you so interested in me and Ryan?" He inquired.
"Well, between us, I ran into Ryan at the library and he made it clear that he likes you and that he wants more than what you described." I explained.
"He talked to you about it? Why?" He asked, seemingly taken aback.
"Michael, he likes you and he is a little nervous. He said he tried to tell you but you keep changing the topic or avoiding the subject." I said.
"I like Ryan. He makes me laugh and I have fun with him, I just don't want to be with him. He is just not the type of guy I am attracted to . . . . he is very nice though." He replied.
"Ryan likes you and he seems like a very nice guy, I just wanted you to know that he wants to talk to you, so you can be prepared, so you can handle it appropriately." I said.
"I don't know how to handle it. I still want to be his friend; I don't want things to change." He said.
"If you are really his friend you need to be honest with him." I said.
"If I tell him that I don't have the same feelings as he has for me, things will just get weird. He might not even want to be my friend anymore." He exclaimed.
"No, he might not want to be your friend anymore, but that shouldn't stop you from being a good friend to him now." I paused. "Look, you can't control Ryan's reaction, you only control yours." I said.
"Yeah." He agreed.
"But remember, if Ryan has difficulty being your friend afterwards, it would only be because he likes you so much. It is hard being around someone who you want and who doesn't want you back. Sometimes you have stay away from them so you can move on." I explained.
"Is that your personal experience?" He asked with a slight smile.
"Well, yeah. I have had crushes on a lot of guys, though I never told them. And it is hard being around them, especially when it seemed so unlikely that they would ever be with me or that I would actually ever tell them how I felt. It hurts." I confessed.
He was quiet for a moment, "I will think about it, I will think a lot about it." He said.
"Good. You should, you need to handle Ryan gently." I encouraged.
"Thanks for the heads up." He said.
"Of course." I said with a smile.
More time passed and before long it was the day of the fair. Everything was going really well. There was a large turnout, which was expected since many professors encouraged their students to attend. There was also a good amount of community members who came out.
The first part of the fair was held in an auditorium. This is when the speaker presented their speeches. Then the attendees were directed to the gymnasium where the booths and a various mental health related activities were being displayed.
I spent the majority of the time walking about and making sure everything was in order and assisting people as I could. Marie, Lena and Thomas had come, so I spoke with them and told them the best booths to visit.
Later I found myself talking with Dr. Adrian Janssen, a colleague of Dr. Mayer. He had spoken at a couple of the events that the gay-straight alliance had put together and he had given a short presentation earlier in the day.
"Everything turned out really well." Dr. Janssen said.
"Yes, it has turned out pretty well, but it is not over yet." I said.
"The glass is half full?" He asked.
"No, we only have about an hour and a half left, so I would say the glass is about eighty five percent full." I said with a smile, he laughed.
"I project that the glass will be one hundred percent full before long." Dr. Janssen said.
"Well, you did your part. Your presentation was very enjoyable." I complimented.
"Thanks, gets better with time." Dr. Janssen said.
"Have you given that presentation before?" I asked.
"About fifty times." Dr. Janssen said with a smile.
"Practice makes perfect." I said.
"Yes, it does, or at least it gets you close to perfection. Dr. Janssen said.
"Close is pretty darn good." I said.
"Have you thought about joining the LGBT association?" Dr. Janssen asked.
"No, not really." I admitted.
"We could always use new members and it is a great way to meet other gay professionals and to meet new friends." Dr. Janssen said.
"I don't know. I mean I am not really political and I have a pretty full schedule already. I just don't want to make a commitment at this time." I explained.
"I understand your concerns, but there are no expectations. Many members are involved in the political issues and fundraising, but it is on a voluntary basis. Most members use the association to network with other people with similar goals. It is just an ambitious social club really." Dr. Janssen informed.
"I like the idea, it sounds like a great group, but I still am not sure." I said.
"Well, we are having a meeting next month; you could come and see how things go." Dr. Janssen suggested.
"That sounds like a good idea. Why don't you call me or send me an email, and I will see if I am available." I conceded.
"Terrific." Dr. Janssen said.
We talked a bit longer and then parted ways. As I walked around the fair, assuring that everything was okay, I ran into Vanessa and Rico.
"Hey. You guys made it." I said with a smile and embraced them.
"Yeah. We were hoping that we would see you." Vanessa said.
"It is actually very interesting." Rico acknowledged.
"I know, have you been to the massage booth?" I asked.
"Too crowded, but we did do the stress test and had manicures." Vanessa informed.
"That's good. Did your sister come?" I asked.
"No, she couldn't get off of work, but Blake is here." Vanessa said.
"He came with you guys?" I asked.
"No. He said that he saw the flyer at the community center. He is here with one of his mentees." Rico informed.
"Well, that is good. I am glad the flyers were seen." I said with a smile.
"Have you heard about the promotion yet?" Rico asked.
"Monday." I grimaced.
"I am sure you will get it. You have been in the position for a year now. I'm sure they will make it permanent." Vanessa encouraged.
"Monday, after you get the promotion, we are taking you out." Rico said.
"Yeah, maybe Marie and Thomas can come out too, and Michael." Vanessa suggested.
"I am not sure about Marie and Thomas, but Sean said he wanted to do something if I got the promotion." I said.
"Oh." Vanessa said.
"Maybe we can do something later in the week?" I asked.
"No. It is alright, we can all go out on Monday, if that is okay with you and Sean." Rico said.
"Are you sure?" I asked.
"Yeah, just let us know." Rico said.
"Okay." I said.
"Good. Well, we are heading out. Thanks again for inviting us." Vanessa said.
"Yeah it was nice." Rico added.
"Thanks for coming. I will call you and we can decide where to go on Monday." I informed.
We embraced again and they turned and made their way to the exit. The last hour of the fair passed quickly. I spent the next two hours helping with cleanup. Then Michael and I went home and went to bed.
I spent Sunday studying and doing chores. The next day I went to work. It was weird, I was confident that I would get the promotion, but my stomach was in knots. I was scheduled to meet with the director of nursing at 1 pm, which meant I had to wait four hours to learn the news.
I could not concentrate on my work. I spent half an hour rereading the same paragraph, yet I still did not know what it said. My mind just continued to revert back to the promotion.
Would I get it? Of course I would get it. I have worked very hard and done a very good job. Sometimes I work over seventy hours a week. What if I don't get the promotion? How will I cope with that? Will I be able to continue working here? Should I leave?
These thoughts swirled through my mind as I watched the hands on the clock slowly spin. When the time finally arrived, I pushed my chair from my desk, took a deep breath and walked to the door. My hand was slightly shaking. I took another deep breath and held it in, then slowly released it. I opened the door and headed toward my supervisor's office.
She greeted me and offered me a seat. After we were both seated she reviewed my work from the last twelve months. I sat there and watched her intently as she critiqued my job performance. I could hear her but I really could not understand her. It was like being submerged under water, you can hear people talking but you can't make out the words.
This lasted for about twenty minutes and then she stood and walked toward me. I stood. She extended her hand and I took it into my own, and then she congratulated me. I had gotten the promotion. I couldn't believe it. I smiled broadly and thanked her profusely.
When I returned to my office I still couldn't concentrate on my work, now I was too excited. I just continued to smile and giggle. At one point I started to spin around in my chair. My entire body was warm and tingly. I was absolutely giddy.
After work I went directly home and called everyone I could think of and told them the news. Later that evening Sean came over and we headed downtown to meet up with Vanessa and Rico.
We arrived first and were seated at a table. Vanessa and Rico arrived shortly after. We greeted each other and made small talk while we decided on our meals. Then we placed our orders.
It was tense. We sat there for a few minutes and silently smiled at each other. Then Vanessa broke the silence.
"So, are you still as overwhelmed as you were earlier?" Vanessa asked.
I smiled, "I am in disbelief. I mean, I thought I deserved the promotion and I had been doing a good job, but you know how it is when you are so focused on a goal, then when you achieve it . . . . it just feels a little strange. I am sure in a few days I will settle down." I explained.
"Was there an increase in pay?" Rico asked playfully.
"Of course." I said with a smirk.
"Does that mean you are picking up the check?" Sean asked.
"Sure. I will pick it up and pass it to one of you." I replied with a laugh.
"Marie and Thomas couldn't make it?" Vanessa asked.
"No. Thomas had an engagement and Marie had to work." I informed.
"Sean, you are an accountant, right?" Rico asked.
"Yes, I specialize in forensic accounting." Sean said.
"Does the tax season affect your work load?" Rico inquired.
"Not particularly. I usually do corporate assessments . . . .um, investigating the utilization of funds in order to determine if there has been fraud or embezzlement." Sean explained.
"That sounds fascinating. One of my friends is a corporate lawyer and she says they use forensic accountants a lot for trails." Vanessa said.
"Yes, I work with quite a few lawyers, but I hate hearings and trails. Not so much the actual testifying, but the constant waiting." Sean said.
"You have to wait to be called?" Rico asked.
"Yes, and sometimes there are postponements or recesses, so I may spend three hours waiting to testify only to be told that I need to come back the next day. It's pretty awful." Sean replied.
"Court always seems more exciting on television. In reality it is quite tedious." I said.
"Nothing is ever as exciting as it is on TV." Vanessa added.
"How is the band doing?" Sean asked.
"Great. We have a big gig on Valentine's Day." Rico replied.
"Really, where?" I asked.
"Washington Park." Rico informed.
"At the Winbush Festival?" Sean asked.
"Yeah." Rico answered.
"That is great. There is always a big turn out." Sean said.
"Yeah. It is a pretty big deal for us. A lot of exposure." Rico exclaimed.
"So, are you strictly a musician or do you have a side job?" Sean inquired.
"I do construction on the side, to keep the bills paid." Rico informed.
"Construction, hard work." Sean said.
"It is not too hard." Rico said.
"And it keeps him in great shape." Vanessa added with a smile.
We continued to talk and ate dinner. Things were much more relaxed by the end of our meal. Everyone seemed to be having a good time. We paid the bill and gathered outside the restaurant for a few minutes and talked further, and then we parted ways.
Sean and I got into his car and headed to his apartment.
"That went well." I said.
"A little awkward at first, but it was less tense at the end." Sean said.
"Yeah I think it is especially weird for Rico because he is such good friends Blake." I suggested.
"That's what I think too." Sean agreed.
"And they probably don't know how to take us." I said.
"What do you mean?" Sean inquired.
"Well, we are not a couple, yet we are doing things that couples do." I said.
"Holidays and double dates?" He asked with a smirk.
"Exactly. Friends with benefits don't usually spend Christmas together." I said.
"That is true." He said.
"Yes it is." I confirmed.
"Speaking of benefits, have you given any further thought to the threesome idea?" He asked.
"Yes. I have been thinking about it." I confessed.
"Do you have a guy in mind?" I asked.
"I have several choices." He replied with a smirk.
"Is that right?" I asked.
"Yes, that is right." He said with a smirk.
"When do I get the chance to meet them?" I asked with excitement.
"We can have a meet and greet on Friday or Saturday." He informed.
Before long we had arrived at Sean's apartment. We spent the next hour or so burning off calories. Later that night I went home and went directly to bed.
Acknowledgement:
Paul suggested that I start a yahoo group so there can be a forum for everyone who is interested to gather and discuss ideas about the story. So, I did just that. The name of the group is Bono'S Corner.
If you are interested in starting a discussion or just sharing an opinion, please feel free to join. You can locate the group at http://uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/bonoscorner.
Have fun and Be safe.
Comments:
Too be gone as long as Steven was with no contact, of course Blake assumed (and rightly so) that Steven abandoned or dumped him. Then all of a sudden Steven returns and thinks he and Blake will resume where they left off.
Sorry Steven, time marches on and Blake up and marched on.ÿ For Steven to even be upset that Blake had moved on is ludicrous and shows Steven really doesn't understand life or people. Then to be upset that Blake is seeing someone else and doesn't want to be mano e mano with Steven, again shows Steven's lack of understanding of people, feelings, emotions and love.
ÿ
..how is Blake suppose to trust Steven again after feelingÿthe knife in his heart and backÿwhich Stevenÿinflicted when he left for treatment?
ÿ
At this point in the story, it appears Blake is trying to make up, forgive Steven for his actions and possibly get back together. What about Steven? If Steven even knows about forgiveness, he not capable of forgiving and giving the relationship a second chance.ÿ
Michael B.
WOO HOO!!! a 3sum... Steve is thinking of going Hog Wild and Pig Crazy...Man! So far from the meek character in the first part of Your story..But good for Him...As for Blake, He either needs to s_ _ t or get off the pot... Make a move Dude...Or leave Steve alone. If the 3way happens, I think it would be funny if the third personÿ and Steve had no idea who the 3rd person was with Sean and it turned out to be Blake...That would frost his cake!
Clayton
I myself have long thought that Jonathan does not exist as no one has actually seen him; Blake has only mentioned his existence to a couple of people including Steven. Blake was also very eager to conceal Jonathon's presence, perhaps to disguise the fact that no one was really in his bedroom at the time. Either this, or he is actually someone else with whom Blake has slept that would hurt not only Steven, but others as well (e.g. his sister's boyfriend or Rico). I am intrigued by Blake's motives, and vacillate between thinking you are leading the reader to a conclusion that Blake and Steven's reunification is imminent or that they are drifting further apart. I guess this is one of the main reasons that we continue to read this story, sort of like `Who shot JR?' in Dallas many years ago (if you are old enough to know to what I am referring).
David H.
Appreciation:
Special thanks to Oscar, Lou, Arch, Clayton, Jake, Ed, Adolfo, Khalid, Gary, Vern, John, Lance, Oz, Dudung, Alan, Terry, Paul, Greg, John J., Harold, Barry, Michael B., Cameron, Randy, Liam, Byron, Kris, Bryan, Fred, Tomaz, David, Tony, Joseph, Bruce, Shawn, Bobby, Gregory, Bill, David R., Ron, Bruce, Tom, Mick, Curtis, JT and Mikal for their support, and everyone who has taken the time to follow this story, I really appreciate you all.
Sincerest thanks to Nifty and all of the wonderful participants who make this site possible, from the generous donors to the archivists and administrators, you all are truly appreciated.
Last but not least, thanks to the editor, Raziya, for all of the wonderful work.
Let Me Know:
Please, forward any comments or feedback to bonotorros@yahoo.com.