Sleepy Days, Come No More
Chapter 21
The weeks compiled into months. I had started school and it was going well. Work was going extremely well also. Things with Blake were a little more difficult. He continued to request more time and I obliged, but he still came over often, he slept over when he wanted, and more. There were days when things seemed to be back on track between us, but then he would pull away.
I had decided to be patient and hoped that we would be able to repair our relationship soon. After all we loved each other, people reconcile all the time. Besides as busy as I had been, I did not really have much time to dwell on the matter.
This morning I woke up and completed my usual routine of hygiene and breakfast. I watched the morning news and sent out a few emails and headed out to work. My work day was pretty slow. There were no client assessments and the clerical staff completed the database entries I needed. So, I spent the day reviewing files.
I had a therapy session scheduled after work, but I had an hour to kill, so I decided to have a late lunch. My therapy sessions had been going okay. I found Dr. Berger to be agreeable. We had been focusing on emotion management and past traumatic experience.
When I arrived at the office I checked in with the receptionist and sat in the waiting room. Shortly, after I was ushered into Dr. Berger's office. She smiled at me politely and directed me to sit, as she sat at an angle beside me.
"How have you been Steven?" Dr. Berger asked.
"I have been well, and you." I said.
"I have been a little tired this week but no complaints." Dr. Berger explained.
"During our last session we started to discuss your relationship with Blake." Dr. Berger stated.
"That is correct." I said.
"Well, have you two discussed the current circumstances of your relationship?" Dr. Berger asked.
"Not exactly." I said.
"What does not exactly mean?" Dr. Berger inquired.
"I asked him about our situation and he said that he needed more time and I said okay." I explained.
"I thought we decided that you would express your feelings about what is going on?" Dr. Berger said.
"I know, but he did not want to talk and I don't want to push. I mean if I am too aggressive about it, I may just alienate him further." I said.
"I am not telling you to attempt to force him to speak about his feelings; our goal was for you to tell him your feelings." Dr. Berger exclaimed.
"Look I have just been very busy with work and school, and I barely see Blake except at night and I am tired, he is tired, there just has not been the appropriate opportunity." I said.
"That sounds like an excuse. You are using work, school and schedule conflicts to avoid the issue." Dr. Berger said firmly.
"He is not ready to talk. I just don't feel that I have the right to dictate to him when he should be ready to discuss our relationship." I said.
"Why do you feel that you don't have the right to speak to your partner?" Dr. Berger asked.
"I left him. I hurt him. Um, I did not trust him enough to tell him my problems. I caused these problems, now it just seems that I have to deal with the consequences. Besides it has only been three months. I took that long at the clinic so he should have the same courtesy." I said.
"You feel that you handled the clinic matter improperly?" Dr. Berger asked.
"Yes. I told you that." I said.
"Okay, it is good that you can acknowledge the possibility of error on your part, but past error cannot give the other party complete immunity from current problems. A relationship cannot survive under those circumstances, at least not a functional one." Dr. Berger said.
"I don't think that giving Blake a little more time will be the detriment of our relationship." I said.
"Let's step away from the relationship, let us focus on you. You need to manage your emotions in a more productive manner, and a part of that is telling people how you feel, opposed to using other things to avoid the real issue." Dr. Berger.
"Okay." I said.
"I really think you should give some serious thought to how you feel about your relationship with Blake, and then you need to tell him those feelings, or else you are just continuing a pattern of dysfunction." Dr. Berger said.
"Okay." I said dryly.
Our session continued for another twenty minutes or so. Once we were finished I headed home.
I completed a few class assignments and worked on a report for my job. I fixed myself a late supper and took a shower. Then I lay across my bed and tried to write what I felt concerning Blake and I. I jotted down a few thoughts but I could not continue. I decided to call it a night.
The next day I went to work. It was okay. I met Vanessa for lunch. When I arrived we embraced and kissed on the check. Despite the problems that Blake and I were experiencing, we still went out with Rico and Vanessa occasionally. Vanessa and I had become close. We would have lunch when our schedules would permit and went out dancing a couple of times, at her behest.
We were seated and quickly ordered. We started to talk immediately.
"You look lovely. I like your hair style, it really suits you." I said.
"Thank you. I wanted to try something new." Vanessa said.
"So, how are things at the paper?" I asked.
"They are fine. The beauty of writing is I have control of my schedule. The faster I work the sooner I am finished." She paused. "I have taken a few consultations for small businesses." She informed.
"Do you like that?" I asked.
"Yes. It is so much fun. One of the draw backs with writing my economics column is I don't have many interactions with the public. I just track the economic climate, report it and make predictions. I am almost like a financial meteorologist." She said.
"Vanessa you are so smart I am sure you could enter the business world if you ever tire of writing, you could probably do both." I said.
"Yeah, I probably could." She paused in thought and a smile passed over her face.
"What?" I asked.
"I was just thinking about the possibilities. But how are things going with work?" She asked.
"Great. Um, some days have been busier than others, but I have a really good grasp on the job." I said.
"How much longer until you learn if the position will be permanent?" She asked.
"The earliest will be the start of next year, but they could extend the trial period, and probably will, given my extended time away." I explained.
"What about school?" She asked.
"No complaints. Um, it has been going well." I said.
"Okay, now on to the real question." She smiled. "How are things with Blake?" she asked.
I chuckled softly, "The same." I said.
"Have you two talked about it yet?" She inquired.
"Vanessa you would have a better chance of getting Blake to talk than me." I confessed.
"Are you guys still having sex?" She asked.
"We are having sex regularly. He has no trouble being with me; he just won't talk to me." I said.
"So, what are you going to do?" She asked.
"I will be patient, when my patience runs out; I guess I will have a decision to make." I said meekly.
She reached over and put her hand atop mine, "I love Blake, but you have to do what you have to do for you. I just really want you guys to work this out. I know you two still love each other." She said.
Our food was served and we ate and continued to talk. After our meal we embraced and parted ways. I returned to work and then went to class. Class was okay. I had a bit of trouble concentrating but managed to take decent notes.
Later that evening I went home and watched television and went to bed. It was 3 o'clock in the morning when I heard Blake entering my apartment. I turned onto my side and waited for him to come in. He walked through the door and stripped down to his bare skin. He climbed into bed and moved in behind me. He draped his arm over my abdomen and rested his head against my neck. I could smell the alcohol on his breath.
"Hey." I said groggily.
"Hey baby." Blake said and kissed my neck.
"You've been out tonight?" I asked.
"Yeah, there was a party downtown." He replied.
"Did you drive here?" I asked.
"Yeah. Why?" He said.
"You have been drinking." I said.
"I had a few drinks." He admitted.
"I can smell the alcohol on your breath; you should have taken a cab." I said.
"Come on baby, I don't want to fight. I came here because I wanted to be with you tonight." He paused. "I love you baby." He said.
"I love you too." I said.
"You feel so good baby, I want to be in you." He said as he started to suck on my ear lope. He ran his hand down my abdomen and into my crotch. I moaned and leaned back into him. He continued to work on my ear and neck with his mouth. I took a bottle of lube from my night stand and passed it to Blake.
He lubed my ass with his fingers and then slowly slid into me. I felt a twinge of pain as Blake filled me. He rested his cock in me for a while to allow me to adjust to him. It had become a familiar feeling.
He started to slide in and out of my hole slowly, as he fondled my balls. I closed my eyes as I felt him rub against my prostate, sending a surge of pleasure through my body. I moaned as Blake began to increase the speed of his strokes.
I reached down and took my cock in my hand and began to tug. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the simultaneous pleasure that I was receiving from my hand and Blake's cock. I began to moan and thrash about, as I felt my balls tighten. I was beginning to increase the pressure on my own cock, when Blake reached down and pulled my hand away. "Not yet baby, I want to make you cum." He whispered in my ear.
I was dripping so much, and my penis was throbbing. I tensed with desire, and clenched tightly around Blake. He moaned heavily. My head was spinning and my breathing was becoming stressed as the pressure continued to mount inside me.
I started to push back onto Blake, desperately trying to expedite my impending orgasm. I begged Blake to increase his speed, through clenched teeth. He complied with my request and began to thrust in and out of me at a higher frequency, enhancing the friction and temperature in my hole.
I moaned as I neared the brink. I could hold on no longer. I shot my load all over the bed and on to my stomach. Blake was pumping my ass relentlessly. Then he released a loud guttural moan as he shot rope after rope of hot cum into me.
We lay there, each desperately searching for our breath. I could still feel his cock pulsate in my ass. He slowly withdrew from me and pulled me onto my back. He looked over at me, "Come here baby, let me hold you." He said.
His eyes were glassy, either from drinking or emotion, I didn't know which. I moved to him and rested my head on his chest. He wrapped his arm around me and kissed the crown of my head. "I love you baby, I think about you all day." He said. Blake was clearly drunk, but I knew that he meant what he said.
Our time together in bed, when we made love, or when we held each other, had become the only time that things felt natural between us. It was the only time that there seemed to be complete openness. I could feel that he really loved me; he was always so gentle and attentive. There were no walls, but in the morning the distance returned, the walls were rebuilt, and Blake wouldn't let me in.
I lay there on his chest until I drifted off to sleep. I was awakened by a loud heaving sound, followed by a splatter. Blake was leaning off the side of the bed and throwing up. I helped him to the bathroom. He leaned over the toilet and continued to vomit. I held his hair, until he was finished. Then I had him rinse his mouth and brush his teeth.
Blake sat on the toilet while I drew him a bath. Once he was in the tub, I washed his body from head to toe. Then I toweled his body dry. He sat on the sofa while I cleaned up the vomit and changed the sheets. I helped Blake back into bed and gave him a glass of water, dry toast, and a couple of aspirin.
"How do you feel?" I asked.
"Horrible, but I glad I'm with you." He said.
"I'm glad you are here too." I said.
"Thank you for taking care of me baby." He reached out and took my hand, "Come and lay with me." He said.
I climbed into bed with Blake. "Do you have any plans today?" I asked.
"I have to go to the community center to tutor a couple of people." He said.
"I have some class work and job related work to complete, but I would love to have dinner with you tonight. Maybe we could talk." I suggested.
"Dinner sounds good." He said.
"Good. I'll cook something. Is there anything you want?" I asked.
"I love your mushroom risotto, maybe lamb chops." He said.
"I can do that." I said with a smile.
"Thanks baby." He said.
Blake went back to sleep for a few hours, while I went to the grocery store. When I returned I started the marinade for the lamb chops, and then began working on my school assignments. Blake woke up put on some clean clothes and headed out. We agreed to have dinner at 7:30 pm.
I continued to work on my class and job assignments until late in the afternoon. Then, I started to prep dinner. I was finished with dinner at 7:15. I turned off the lights and lit candles and waited for Blake. It was nearly 8 pm and Blake had yet to arrive. I tried to call and text him, but there was no response.
At 8:30 pm, I ate dinner. Then, I extinguished the candles and put away the leftovers. I sat on the sofa and watched television, until I eventually fell asleep. I was awakened by the rattling of keys. The door opened and Blake staggered in.
"Hey, baby. Why aren't you asleep?" He asked.
"Well, I was waiting for you; it seems to be a common theme these days." I said.
"Waiting for me? Why?" He asked.
I chuckled, "Because we were suppose to have dinner together, I cooked lamb chops and mushroom risotto, I even threw in some chocolate mousse. The meal that you requested." I said with a smile.
"Oh, Steve, I'm so sorry, I completely forgot. I was playing basketball with some guys at the center then we went out for some drinks and time just got away from me." He paused. "Why didn't you call me?" He asked softly.
I sighed, "I did call you and I sent you a text, but there was no response." I said.
Blake pulled his phone from his pocket, and said "Oh, I was playing ball, my phone was in the locker." He paused. "You must be pissed. I'm so sorry baby." He said sincerely.
"Yeah, I'm a little upset, but I don't want to be. I don't want to argue with you Blake. We spend so little time together, and I want to enjoy it." I exclaimed. "Are you hungry?" I asked.
I fixed him a plate and watched him eat. I just loved him so much that I was glad he was there. After he ate we went to bed. He cuddled up behind me, and began to kiss my neck. Again he smelled of alcohol. He apologized again for dinner and told me he loved me. I asked if he had driven, he said he had taken a cab. He continued to kiss and suck on my neck until I fell asleep.
We spent the next day together. We cleaned the apartment and did laundry. We went out for lunch and a movie. We talked about everything but our relationship. We played cards, and we made love. The next day it was back to the grind of work and school. Blake and I spent a couple of nights together, but again no conversation about our relationship.
Friday evening I hosted a study group at my place. It lasted for a couple of hours. There were six of us participating. After the study group one of my classmates, Michael, offered to help me clean up. I told him it wasn't necessary but he insisted.
Michael was 19 years old, and he was a cute kid. He was skinny and pale. He had dark brown hair and stood around 5 foot 9 inches tall. We were in the kitchen washing the dishes. I turned to Michael, and said, "You really didn't have to stay, I could have handled it."
"No, it's no trouble. I wanted to help." He smiled.
"Michael, please forgive me if I'm blunt, but what is it that you really want, because clearly it has nothing to do with dishes." I said.
He blushed red, "Well, to be honest I am new to town, and you mentioned having a boyfriend," he paused, "and I was wondering if you could show me around." He said.
"Show you around?" I asked.
"You know tell me where all the hot gay places are. Maybe introduce me to some of your gay friends. You know kind of show me the ropes." He said.
I laughed, "Michael I am sorry, but I am not exactly in step with the gay night life, and I don't have many gay friends." I confessed. "But if you want to talk or anything then you can always talk to me and I will try to help you the best that I can." I exclaimed.
"That would be nice. You know it is just good to have people around who you can relate to." He said.
We sat around and talked for a while about our experiences with coming out and some academic issues. I told him that if he ever needed to talk or anything that he could call me. The next day I woke early and finished a project for work, and I decided that I wanted to make lasagna. So, I spent the better part of the afternoon making meat sauce. Once I finished the lasagna, I called Blake to see if he wanted to come over for dinner. He said that he was busy, but he would try to come over tomorrow.
That night I decided to pack some of the leftovers and take them to Blake's. Shortly after I arrived Blake emerged from the bedroom. "Steve, what are you doing here?" He asked.
"Well, I cooked this lasagna and I thought about that time you took me on a hike and we ate pasta for breakfast," I paused, "so I thought that maybe we could go on a hike tomorrow or Sunday." I smiled.
"It isn't a good time. You should go home." He said.
"Baby, I wanted to see you. That's why I'm here. I miss you." I said.
"Not tonight Steve." He said.
I walked over to him and kissed him on the lips. "Baby, I want to be with you tonight." I said as I started toward the bedroom. Blake grabbed my arm and pulled me back toward him.
"Not tonight Steve." He said.
"Why? Do you have someone here?" I laughed.
He looked at me and said, "Yes."
Acknowledgement:
I would like to take the time to acknowledge a new reader who has expressed not only a fondness for the story, but who has also offered her editorial services.
I have been doing the writing alone and honestly I have not been as dedicated to editing as I could have been, so I am extremely pleased to have the assistance and am confident that this new arrangement will produce a more pristine product.
So I offer my sincerest thanks to Raziya.
Appreciation:
Special thanks to Oscar, Arch, Clayton, Jake, Ed, Khalid, Gary, Vern, Fred, Joseph, Lou, Shawn, Bill, Raziya, Tom, JT and Mikal for their support, and everyone who has taken the time to follow this story, I really appreciate you all.
Sincerest thanks to Nifty and all of the wonderful participants who make this site possible, from the generous donors to the archivists and administrators, you all are truly appreciated.
Let Me Know:
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