Sleepy Days

Sleepy Days, Come No More

Chapter 13

There are things in life that are supposed to be concrete. Things that are constant and measurable.

Time is measured in seconds, minutes, and hours, which make up the days, months, and years, but these measurements are often deceptive. There are occasions when time sweeps past you in large unattainable gusts, and others when the seconds stand still and you find yourself unable to breathe the stagnant air that encumbers your life.

My time with Blake had come in gusts. Gusts that filled my life with joy and happiness. The excitement of being in love was like nothing I had ever experienced. Our lives had meshed together in a comfortable routine. For a period I felt secure, but then there was a shift and time stopped coming in gusts and started to stand still.

The longer the hours the more unbearable the days. I found myself with too much time to think and regret. The unsettling feeling of falling that had plagued my childhood dreams had returned. Night brought little sleep and morning brought little desire to wake.

This particular night I was ripped from the perils of my mind by Blake's steady hand. "Steven." He said.

"What's wrong?" I asked groggily.

"You were mumbling something and shaking." He exclaimed.

"I was having a bad dream. I'm sorry for waking you up." I said

"Another nightmare? What was it about?" He asked in a concerned voice.

"It doesn't matter; you know how crazy dreams can be." I said.

He pulled me closer to him and kissed my neck, and said, "Are you okay now?"

"Yeah, I just need a glass of water. You should go back to sleep." I said.

I went to the bathroom and splashed water across my face. Then I fixed myself a glass of milk and lay on the sofa. I turned the television on and quickly drifted off to sleep. I do not know how long I had been asleep, but I was awakened by a familiar voice.

"Why are you out here?" Blake asked.

"I just couldn't sleep, and I didn't want to disturb you." I said.

"It disturbs me that you weren't in bed, come back to bed." He said.

We returned to bed and Blake held me in his arms. The next morning we woke up, completed our hygiene, ate breakfast, and went to work. I had a productive day at work. I was able to complete several patient assessments and reviewed many medical files.

Though, lately, I had become disillusioned with my job and with my life. I felt that I needed to take some time off and get away for a while. I thought the time away would help me put my life in order. I had heard of a great place. I was also giving more thought to taking the next step with Blake. It had been a few weeks since our last attempt and I wanted to move forward with him. I thought it would bring us even closer together.

After work I went home. I made the necessary arrangements for the getaway and I was quite pleased with the decision. When Blake came over I decided to talk to him about my plans.

"Blake I have been thinking about us taking the next step." I said.

"Really?" He asked.

"Yes, I would like to go away for the weekend and give it a try." I explained.

"Are you sure?" He asked in a concerned tone.

"I am sure that I want to try, I am sure that I want to try with you." I paused. "I know that the last time I wanted to try it ended badly, but I think I am better prepared this time, and I feel that we have grown even closer together since then, so I would really like to try again." I exclaimed.

"I would too, as long as you're sure." He said.

"I want to try." I assured.

"Okay, where do you want to go?" He asked.

"Well, I found this resort about an hour west of here, they have cabins. I thought we could go fishing and hiking, and whatever else." I explained

"You want to go fishing?" He asked.

"Well, I know you mentioned it, so I thought you would like it." I said.

"I really would baby, that is so sweet of you." He said with a smile.

"I already made a reservation, I just need to confirm." I said.

"When do we leave?" He asked.

"We have the cabin from Thursday night to Sunday afternoon. So, I think we can leave Thursday evening, after work. You are off on Friday, right?" I said.

"Yes, I'm off." He confirmed.

"Does that work for you?" I asked.

"Yes, that works for me." He said.

"Great, I'll call and confirm the cabin and reserve a car." I said.

We agreed discussed the details of the trip more. We decided on what kind of car to rent and when we would leave. I called and finalized all the arrangements. Then we started individual activities, Blake started reading a book and I worked on a report for work. Later on I cooked dinner, Blake and I sat in front of the television and watched a soccer game.

During the game there was a knock on the door. It was Rico. I greeted him and invited him inside. He brought a case of beer and a big bag of chips.

"Hey, Rico." Blake said.

"What's the score?" Rico asked moving toward the living room.

"0-0, it has only just started. Come join us." Blake said.

"Let me put those in the fridge." I said taking the beer from Rico.

"Thanks Steve." Rico said.

"We are having nachos and hot wings, there is salad too, would you like some." I asked.

"Yeah that sounds great man." Rico said.

"Go on, I'll bring you a plate." I said.

I fixed Rico a plate. I watched the game with them for a while but wasn't exactly captivated like they were. I had a lot on my mind so I decided to work on my report.

After the game they started watching another game. At 10:30 I gave Blake a kiss and told Rico goodnight. I climbed into bed and attempted to find sleep. I tossed and turned, flinging the sheets onto and off of my body trying to gain comfort. Nothing seemed to work, I was incapable of rest.

I just lay naked in the bed, with the air caressing my uncovered body. I lay staring through the ceiling and into my past. It was making me absolutely ill. I don't know how long this reflection period lasted, but it ended when I heard the front door open and close. Then, Blake entered the room and proceeded to undress and climb into bed.

"I thought you would be asleep by now." Blake said.

"I couldn't sleep. The bed was too cold and empty without your hot, hard body." I said flirtatiously.

He smiled, "Is that right?" He asked.

"That is right." I replied.

"Well, what do you want me to do about that?" He asked.

"I want you to come over here and do with me what you will." I said.

"Oh, and can I use anything I like?" He asked.

"I don't know. What do you have in mind?" I asked.

"There are many things that are running through my with you laying there naked." He said as he tweaked his nipple with one hand and fondled his crotch with the other.

"You are so bad, come to bed." I instructed.

"You know you like it." He said with a grin.

He climbed in to bed and cuddled up behind me. I could feel his hard cock pressing against my bare flesh, it excited me. He began to nuzzle my neck and I caressed his arms with my hands.

"Baby, do you ever want to just go away and start over fresh?" I asked.

"What, like on a deserted island just you and me?" Blake asked flirtatiously.

"I don't know, just to clear the decks, you know a clean slate." I said.

"Are you serious?" He asked.

"I don't know I just want to get away for a while." I said.

"Well, we will be going on the trip in a few days, just you and me in the wilderness," he licked my neck, "doing whatever we want to do." He said.

"Yeah, baby, that will be great." I said.

"You feel so good baby." He said.

"Do I?" I asked softly.

"Yes, you can feel my sincerity." He said flirtatiously.

"Yes, I can certainly feel who sincere you are, it is literally poking me." I said with a chuckle.

"Is there anything we can do about it?" He whispered in my ear.

"I'm sure we could think of something." I said.

I told Blake to lie on his back. I took a bottle of lotion from my night stand. First, I moistened his big cock with my tongue. Licking the head first and working from the head to the base until he was completely covered with my saliva. Next, I sucked the head and played with his piss slit. I worked my head on to his cock little by little until I had nearly encased him with my mouth. I began to bob up and down on his thick cock, gradually increasing the speed and pressure.

When I noticed his balls tightening I released him from my grasp and took him in my hand. I stroked him until the friction from my hand dried the saliva and I needed to use the lotion as lubricant. I stroked his cock faster and harder. Blake began to pump his throbbing member into my hand. He moaned loudly, before blasting a steady geyser of white cream.

I reached down and grabbed my underwear from the floor and proceeded to clean the cum from our bodies. I climbed on to Blake and looked in to his emerald eyes. He was smiling up at me.

"I love you baby." I said.

"I love you too. Thank you." He said.

"Hey, anytime stud." I said.

"Why don't you lie down so I can take care of you." He instructed.

"No, I don't need any attention tonight. I just want you to hold me so I can go to sleep." I said.

I gave Blake a kiss and climbed off of him. I turned on my side and he moved in behind me and wrapped his arms around my chest and draped one of his legs over me. I snuggled back against him and unsuccessfully tried to find sleep. I just laid there in his arms surrounded by his warmth and cried. It was a subdued peaceful weeping.

Eventually, in the early morning hours I was able to obtain a state of slumber, unfortunately shortly after this accomplishment it was time to wake and get ready for another day. I just lay there motionless. Blake kissed my neck and encouraged me to get up, so I did.

Again we went about our usual routine. Blake went for a run. I watched the news and cooked breakfast. We ate breakfast together and showered, and then dressed and off to work we went.

It was a particularly long and drear work day, not because the work was difficult for me, but because I just had no desire to be there. I tried to conceal my apathy with a big smile and pleasant demeanor, but if anyone was really paying attention, I'm sure they could tell that I was not sincere.

So, as a result I just limited my contact with others and focused my attention on paper work and stayed in my office as much as possible. After, work I just rode the bus around and round for a few hours. The bus driver gave me a strange look, but it didn't deter me.

Finally, I got off the bus and took the train downtown. I went to a gay bar that Blake had taken me to once. I sat at the bar and ordered a virgin martini. For a moment I considered having a real drink, I thought that getting really drunk might help. I knew it wouldn't solve anything long term but I thought it might be an effective distraction for now.

I finished my drink and just sat there looking around, but not focusing on anything. After a while I became lost in my thoughts, which is common for me. Then I heard someone say, "Hey, don't I know you from somewhere?" I looked over to see a thin, wiry guy, with short reddish hair and a baby face. He was smiling broadly.

"No, you must have me confused with someone else." I said and looked away.

"You work at Memorial, right?" He asked.

"Yes. I do." I said.

"I deliver packages there. I knew I recognized you. My name is Scott." He said as he extended his hand to me.

I shook his hand, "Mystery solved." I said and turned back around.

"Wow. That was cold." Scott said.

"Excuse me?" I said.

"I introduced myself and you just turned back around and didn't return the favor. That isn't very nice." Scott said.

"Well, that should be a reason for you to leave me alone, don't you think?" I said bluntly.

"Damn, you always seem so nice at the hospital, what's wrong?" Scott asked.

"How would you know how I seem at the hospital, just a moment ago you acted as though you had difficulty remembering where you had seen me, now you can recall my disposition. What an improvement." I said sarcastically.

Scott chuckled, "That's fair. You are right, I recognized you as soon as I saw you, I was just playing coy or rather I was trying to." He paused. "I have noticed you at the hospital." Scott admitted.

"Okay, I am flattered, that you noticed me. Scott, you are cute and all, but I am not interested. Sorry." I said nonchalantly.

"Damn, man, message taken." Scott said as he left the bar.

I ordered another drink and checked my phone; I had a couple of missed calls from Blake and a text. I called Blake and told him where I was and told him that I was on my way home. He offered to pick me up but I told I would take a taxi. I finished my drink and left the bar.

Once I got home Blake and I had dinner and watched television. We went through our nightly ritual and then went to bed. The days became intertwined together, each mirroring the other, until it was finally time for the trip. We had packed all of our things and picked up the rental car Wednesday evening. Thursday after work we met at my place and headed out to the cabin.

The drive was pleasant. We talked about our respective days; I let Blake do most of the talking since my day was not great. Once we arrived at the resort, I went into the office to check in and collect the key. Then we went to the cabin. It was cozy. It had an open floor plan. You walked into the living and dining area, it was a nice size, and the kitchen was to the right.

There was a small hallway straight ahead that lead to two doors, one was to the bedroom. The other opened to a bathroom. The bedroom had a king size bed and a fireplace. There were lots of windows and there were great views of the woods and of a stream. It also had a bathroom with a large tub and shower.

We unpacked and then headed out to explore. I had received a map of the resort from the front desk. Blake looked over the map and led us around to the various activity areas. We went to the lake, where the fishing was done, then to one of the hiking trails, and a shooting range. There was even a type of obstacle course setup.

It had gotten pretty dark, so we went back to our cabin. We ate, talked, showered and went to bed. We woke early the next morning, so we could go on a hike. It was very nice. We went at a very slow pace so we could admire the scenery. I had brought my camera, so we took lots of pictures. There was another couple walking by and they agreed to take a few pictures of us together.

As we were completing the hike we came to the lake. Blake dropped his gear and stripped out of his clothes. He turned to me grabbed his cock and said "are you coming", with a huge smile. He then turned and took a running leap into the lake. I thought about it for a moment and decided to go for it. I stripped off all of my clothes and jumped into the lake also.

The water was cold, not freezing, but cold. It took a while to adjust.

"I can't believe you actually did it baby." Blake gushed.

"Neither can I." I confessed.

"I'm glad you did." He said.

"Well, I didn't want you to be alone." I said.

"Come here." He said.

"I know that the environment is very Brokeback Mountainesque, but I hope you aren't thinking that we are going to have sex out here." I exclaimed.

"That would be totally hot, but I just wanted a hug baby." He said sweetly.

I floated over to him and he wrapped his arms around me and gave me several kisses. We swam for a while and splashed each other with the water, among other silly things. Later on we returned to the cabin and showered.

I made a pot of chili and we sat on the living room floor, in front of the fireplace and ate dinner and told stories about our childhoods, Blake did most of the story telling. Later on we went to bed. Again we woke up early the next morning, but this time it was to go fishing. We packed everything we needed and then headed out to the lake.

Fishing is a very calming experience. We sat there with our rods in hand and not a sound passed between. Every now and then one of us would catch a fish. This went on for hours. Finally, I told Blake that I would meet him back at the cabin. He offered to come back with me but I insisted he stay and enjoy himself.

I took a shower and changed clothes. Then I started to set the bedroom up for the evening's activity, I had decided to have sex with Blake that night and wanted everything to be perfect. I set the dining room table with candles.

When, Blake came to the cabin he put away his things and took a shower in the hallway bathroom. I broiled a couple of steaks, and made a salad and baked potatoes. We sat at the table and ate by candle light. Then, I led him to the bedroom and told him to close his eyes. I had placed candles all around the room and had started a fire.

I released Blake's hand and slipped out of my clothes. I climbed into bed. I lay there on my side and attempted to look very seductive. I told Blake he could open his eyes. He looked at me, laying on the bed and dropped his robe.

He walked over and climbed into bed. He turned me onto my back and began to passionately kiss me. Pressing his soft lips against mine and exploring my mouth with his tongue. The kiss was finally broken by an urgent need for air. After he caught his breath he resumed his oral presentation.

He kissed and licked my neck, taking a bit of my flesh between his teeth from time to time. Then, he attended my ears, lubricating each one with his hot tongue. He brushed his nose against mine and gave me a gentle kiss. Then he kissed from my lips down my neck onto my chest.

He kissed and licked the whole of my chest. He sucked each nipple and pinched them between his teeth. My armpits were also thoroughly cleaned. He kissed and licked his way down my abdomen, giving special attention to my navel, probing it with great fervor.

Finally, he reached my crotch. He held my erect cock in his hot hand. He massaged the head with his thumb as he caressed the shaft with his fingers. I began to shake and flex in his hand. He smiled at me and started to lick the tip of my cock. A surge of electricity shot up my spine and I squealed. He continued to attend the head and even teased my piss slit.

Then, he slowly took me into his mouth. He pushed on until he reached the base and my pubic hair touched his face. He held me there in his mouth for a few moments. I was throbbing. He slowly lifted up and slowly pushed back down. I began to thrust upward in anticipation. Blake began to work my cock at a faster pace and had increased the pressure.

I moaned loudly. My balls were tightening and my body was getting tense. I closed my eyes and tried to steady my ragged breath. I was so close, I could not hold on for much longer. I took the back of Blake's head and began to furiously thrust into his mouth. Then, suddenly I began to explode. I filled his mouth with my cream.

My body went limp as my descent began. I felt so lift headed and totally relaxed. Blake pushed my legs up toward my chest. He kissed and licked both of my feet, before lifting my legs onto his shoulders. He spread my cheeks and began to lick around my hole. Then he pushed his tongue inside of me. He rotated it around, lubricating every part. Next he slowly extracted his tongue from my hole, only leaving the tip and then he began to thrust back in. He was making love to my hole with his hot tongue.

Then he lowered my legs and rose up on his knees. I sat up and reached for the lube. I slowly applied it to his large cock. We looked into each other's eyes. He asked me was I sure, if I was ready? I told him yes. He told me he loved me. I told him I loved him too. We said all of this without words, communicating only with our eyes.

He kissed me on the lips and we shared a brief embrace. I lay on my back and he positioned me for his entry. He looked down at me and I nodded for him to proceed. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I pushed out as he had advised and tried to relax.

I felt him pushing into me and a familiar surge of pain took over me. He stopped for a moment. I opened my eyes and nodded. He began to push into me very slowly. My eyes were beginning to water. I focused on breathing but it was hard to do. He continued to push into me until he was completely absorbed. I could feel his heavy cock lying on my prostate.

He rested his body atop mine and began to kiss my neck. "Are you okay?" He whispered. I was able to mumble "Yes." "I love you." He said.

He kissed me and looked in my watery eyes and began to slowly extract from me, leaving only the tip. Then he slowly refilled me. I wanted to moan or scream, but I could barely breathe. It was a mix of sensations running through me. There was pain and discomfort, but there was the pleasure of being so close to Blake and the feeling of him rubbing against my prostate.

I was finally able to relax. The pain didn't subside, but I adjusted to it, it didn't bother me as it had before. Blake slowly increased his speed. I began to moan. Soon we had a rhythm. I had reached a place where I was enjoying the experience. Blake continued to look in my eyes and I ran my hands along his back.

He kissed me and then rose onto his arms and increased the speed of his thrusts. He was thrusting in and out of me faster and faster. I was moaning more and more. I could feel beads of sweating splash on my face from Blake's brow. I looked up at him; he had closed his eyes and was biting his lip.

He started to go even faster and now he was moaning too. At some point I had become erect and my cock was aching. He kept rubbing against my prostate, causing this indescribable surge to course through me. My toes began to curl; I was on the verge of orgasm. He rubbed against that spot once more and I shot my load against his stomach. I screamed out in ecstasy.

Blake had been continually increasing his speed and was now causing the bed to shake. His breathing was ragged and he was moaning deeply. He was really working my hole. He let out the loudest moan I had ever heard and proceeded to fill me with his hot cum.

He hovered over me for a minute with his eyes closed, desperately trying to catch his breath. Then He collapsed onto me and rested his head on my shoulder. I could feel his warm breath against my bare skin. I ran the heel of my foot across his ass and my hands down his back.

We lay like this for what seemed like hours, in a near catatonic state. Completely exhausted from pleasure. It was wonderful. I had never felt so close to another person in my entire life. After, the passion waned; I could feel the soreness in my ass. It ached, it throbbed, but it had all been worth it. I had given myself to Blake as the ultimate symbol of my love and devotion. It was a kind of beautiful sacrifice.

Eventually, Blake began to stir. He took a deep breath. "That was so good baby. I love you." He said.

"I have to use the bathroom." I said with a smile.

He lifted himself off of me causing his withdrawal from my hole. I climbed out of bed and headed to the bathroom. I went to the toilet and began to urinate, when I heard Blake come in. He stood behind me and wrapped his arms around me; he took my penis from my hand and held it as I peed.

"What are you doing?" I said with a giggle.

"I'm taking care of my baby." He said in a sweet voice.

"This feels strange." I said.

"What having me hold your dick? I have held it before." He said.

"Touche, Mr. Mitchell." I said.

"Do you want to take a bath?" He asked.

"Yeah." I said.

"Are you sore?" He asked in a concerned voice.

"Yes." I said.

"The warm water might help and maybe you can take an aspirin." He suggested.

"Is this the standard service Mr. Mitchell?" I asked playfully.

"Standard service?" He asked.

"Do you give all the boys this treatment after you deflower them?" I said.

He laughed. "Baby, I don't usually stick around to long afterwards. Let alone spend the night." He confessed.

"I guess that makes me special?" I asked.

"You know you are special." He said.

"Okay, but Blake." I said.

"Yes." He said.

"I stopped peeing like two minutes ago. Could you please release me?" I asked.

We both laughed. Blake urinated, without my assistance. I drew a bath and took a couple of aspirin. We took a bath together, though mostly we just sat there, talked and fondled each other. After the bath we went to the kitchen for a snack and went back to bed.

We lay in bed looking in each other's eyes; we were so close that our noses almost touched.

"I love you." I said.

"I love you too." He said.

"I am glad we waited, it was amazing." I said.

"I am glad too." He said.

"How was it? I mean I know you have been with other guys, I probably shouldn't have asked." I said.

He smiled, "Baby, listen I have had a lot of sex, with a lot of guys and girls, but I have never really made love to any one before, I have never been inside anyone without a condom. It is a completely different experience." He paused. "I mean there was nothing between us. It was the best, not just because of the sexual part, but because I love you. He said.

My face was burning and I was beaming, "Thank you I needed to hear that." I confessed.

"How do you feel?" He asked.

I took a deep breath, "Weird. I feel open and vulnerable." I paused. "Just, weird. You know, it's like waiting to do something for so long and thinking about it all the time, and once you do its kind of an emptiness. Not bad, you just feel different." I said.

"I understand." He said.

"Good." I said.

"Well, now that we started, you know we're going to have to do it very often," he paused, "Just so you can get use to it." He said with a smirk.

"Oh, that is so considerate of you, but I would hate for you to have to make the sacrifice." I said sarcastically.

"Baby, anything for you." He said with a smile.

We both laughed. We continued to talk for a while, and then we prepared for sleep. I laid my head on his chest and he wrapped his arm around me. Soon, he drifted off to sleep. I lay there and listened to him breathe. I was glad that we had been together. I felt it had strengthened our relationship.

After about an hour I needed to get up. I shimmied out of Blake's grip. I went to the dining room table and started to write a letter:

Blake,

I have taken a leave of absence from my job, and I am going away for a while.

I know that you probably have a lot of questions, I hope that the contents of this letter will help clarify my reasons for the decision that I have made.

I told you that I was inexperienced. Well, this is not completely true. The truth is I have had years of experience. The experience just came too soon, and was unkind.

When it was over, and all was revealed, my childhood was coming to its end. I spent my entire childhood and teenaged years filled with shame and guilt. These feelings forced me to draw within myself and keep people at a distance.

Then, one day, while I was riding the bus, I saw this gorgeous man. At first his beauty captivated me, but his kindness and caring nature stole my heart. I have never loved anyone the way I love you. You have been the best part of my life. It is your love that has forced me to face myself and to take the necessary measures to improve me.

A few weeks ago, I wanted to give you the most intimate part of myself. I wanted you to make love to me, but I was not ready. Every time you touch me, I remember; he is there. He is in our bed when we sleep. His presence in my mind makes me doubt myself, makes me afraid. This fear prompts me to push you away.

Being with you tonight, was one of the best experiences of my life. I have never felt so close to anyone before. You were so gentle and loving with me. I could not have asked for a better lover.

I wish that I could have been pure and untouched for you. That you could have been my first, but those gifts that I want to be yours have long been stolen, and more importantly somewhere along the way I lost myself. Now I must do whatever I can to rediscover who I really am.

I know that you will want to come to see me, try and convince me that my place is with you. I also, know that if you came to see me and I looked in to those emerald eyes, that I would not be able to do what I feel must be done. This is precisely the reason why I cannot tell you where I have gone.

I realize that my actions may seem selfish and unfair, but I hope you understand that that is not my intent. When I told you I loved you, it was sincere, but I don't even know if I love myself. Until, I can find some peace and contentment with myself, I won't be able to give you the quality of love you deserve.

Marie knows how to reach me. I love you Mr. Mitchell.

Yours Always,

Steve

I placed the letter in an envelope and sat it on the night stand. I looked at Blake; he was sleeping so peacefully, I kissed him lightly on the lips.

I took my packed suitcase from the closet, got dressed in the hallway bathroom, and left.

Special thanks to Oscar, Arch, Clayton, Gary, Khalid, Vern, Joseph, Gregory, JT and Mikal for their encouraging comments, I am extremely grateful.

Sincerest thanks to Nifty and all of the wonderful participants who make this site possible, from the generous donors to the archivists and administrators, you all are truly appreciated.

Thanks for reading. Let me know what you think, please forward any comments or feedback to bonotorros@yahoo.com.