Maybe its because I had a bad experience in Boy Scouts, but I went through a major part of my life where I had slight regard for nature. Why go outside? There's plenty to do indoors! I lived in Utah, a state filled to the brim with beautiful locations and geological phenomena and I was largely unaware of it. Once I was in college, however, my education literally began to lead me out of the darkness. One day I was walking across campus after a particularly illuminating class and suddenly I realized that everything was absolutely beautiful - the trees, the flowers, the mountains, the clouds, all of it. Had this stuff really been there the whole time? It was like a miracle.
After that, I was somewhat eager to commune with nature. I even got this bizarre idea in my head that what I really wanted to do was go out into the woods somewhere next to a lovely brook, or something, and sit under a tree and masturbate, allowing myself to be one with all around me. I actually convinced my roommate, a close buddy of mine, to drive me up the canyon for this very purpose. Like a true friend, he indulged me in this loony hippy phase of mine. I found the brook, the tree, all as I imagined, and began to do my business. It turned out to be far less romantic than my fantasy. It was kind of cold, my ass was getting dirty, and I was finding the bubbling water of the brook to be somewhat less erotic than anticipated. I was frustrated and confused, and went home chagrined. Maybe I had been right about nature in the first place.
But then I met Spencer. He was a complete package - a gorgeous well-toned body, a huge goofy smile and a big laugh, and a keen and curious intellect. Had he been gay, he would have been the man of my dreams. I predicted early on (correctly) that I would develop a huge crush on this guy. Like me, he was an English major, and his large knowledge of literature was a major turn-on. And if there was anything Spencer loved more than short stories and poetry, it was the outdoors. He had backpacked, hiked, and camped just about every geological location on at least two continents.
"You want to go swimming and camping next weekend?" he asked me one day.
"I don't know." I waffled, "I've had some bad experiences camping."
"Come on!" he said, "You haven't lived till you get in the hot springs naked!"
I did a double-take. "We'll be naked?"
He nodded, a big smile on his face. "You can't bring swim trunks to the hot springs. It's like against the rules."
I absorbed this information briefly. "Sure," I said, as casually as possible, "I guess that will be ok."
When the day came, Spencer picked me up and told me that he had another friend who would be joining us. I was a bit worried that this might mean that the skinny dipping was out of the question, but Spencer said his friend, Chris, was even more into swimming naked than he was.
Chris turned out to be another totally hot guy, almost on par with Spencer. He was taller and leaner and blonde, whereas Spence was a bit shorter and stockier with darker hair. Chris, another English major, was just as intelligent, as laid-back, and as affectionate as Spencer. I was already starting to get dizzy just knowing I would get to spend a whole weekend of quality time with these great guys, let alone that naked part. The drive up took a few hours, and we spent that time really getting to know each other. Chris and Spencer were clearly good friends from way, way back, and had done this sort of thing a lot together. They were really tight, but never let me feel like a third-wheel. By the time we reached our destination, I felt like I had known them both for years, and like they knew all my secrets.
We had a fantastic time, spending nearly every moment naked from the time we got there to the time we left the following afternoon. Chris had a nice, tight, lean body and a long, skinny penis, whereas Spencer was even more ripped and toned than I had imagined and had those nice, big, low-hanging kind of balls. They both had butts that made me go weak in the knees. I had been putting on weight from this horrible desk job I was stuck with, but I felt fairly attractive over all. I'm about the same height as Spencer, with a body type somewhere between the two of them, and with darker hair than either. I thought the three of us made a great little group and could easily star in a pretty hot porn if they weren`t both straight. We soaked in the hot springs, looked up at the stars, and talked about everything.
When we got tired of soaking, we decided to try to start a fire and put up the tent without putting our clothes back on. I suppose we thought that would be really roughing it, like cave men or something. Well, we quickly discovered why cave men invented clothing. While snapping long sticks to make kindling, Chris totally got whipped in the junk, and putting together the tent without things getting in the way proved difficult. Still, we laughed through the whole thing and didn't give up. The next day, Spencer and I got back in the springs while Chris decided to take a naked hike around the area, wearing only his hiking shoes, some sunglasses, and a long-brimmed hat. Laughing at the sight, I wondered how I got so lucky to meet such open-minded guys in my extremely conservative and repressed community. All three of us had been raised as Mormons, and communal nudity wasn't exactly encouraged by our upbringing. We had certainly been fortunate to find such kindred spirits.
In fact, we had so much fun that trip that there were many more over the next year or so. We formed a little hot springs club, and gave each other silly, secret names that we were to use only while naked together out in nature. Chris was Thor, God of Hot Pots and Virility, while Spencer was called Titus Eroticus. I was dubbed the Phallocrat. Laughing and being intentionally ridiculous, we would paint ourselves with earth in some kind of bizarre ritual and then run around the hot springs singing. Finally, we'd all urinate together, signaling the rite was complete, and then jump into the steaming water. It was completely insane and I loved every minute of it. The whole thing was dense with sexual tension, on my part for sure, but I think it was on everybody's mind. They seemed to revel in the homoerotism of it all, even if they never seemed interested in bringing that sexuality to the surface. As for me, I kept my mouth shut about it. I was pretty sure they knew I was gay, and were ok with that, but I was always terrified that if they really knew how much the camping trips turned me on they would become uncomfortable and I would lose a great thing.
Eventually I moved away to go to graduate school, but after my first semester I came back for Christmas break. It was cold, and a thick layer of snow covered everything, but that wasn't going to stop us from reuniting the club! We threw together supplies and headed to the mountains. Almost immediately I could tell that this trip was going to be a little different than before. For one thing, the sexual tension was thicker than usual, even before we got there. The conversation kept turning to sex.
First they talked about women:
"Angelina Jolie is SO hot in that movie," Chris said, "I had an erection through the whole thing."
"Me too!" Spencer said, "I don't know how any man could look at her and not get aroused." There was a brief pause. "Well, maybe not you, Matt." he had a big grin.
"What?" I said, feigning surprise, "What are you trying to say? That my sexuality is ambiguous?"
"Yeah, that's pretty much what he's saying," Chris said, laughing.
The message was clear. They knew I was gay, and they were letting me know that they had no problem with it. They later said that they never felt awkward around me, that I had always just seemed like one of the guys to them, regardless of who I was attracted to. They weren't threatened in any way. In fact, the conversation ended up drifting towards the subject of men having sex with men.
"I really like girls, honestly," said Chris, at one point, "But I'm certainly enough of a hedonist to be able to imagine that it would feel really good to be with another guy."
Spencer seemed to agree, but he wasn't as comfortable and willing to be vocal about it as Chris. As they became relaxed enough to talk openly about my sexuality, Chris was full of questions about what it was like to sleep with a guy, and I answered honestly. Of course, first of all they wanted to know about anal sex. I've had a lot of straight guys ask me about gay sex, and they all want to know about getting it up the ass. There is a strange obsession with the idea, a mixture of fascination and revulsion, and they soak up every detail I am willing to share. Spence and Chris were doing so now.
"It just got ten degrees gayer in here," I joked, after describing prostate orgasms.
"Well, we're going out to nature," Spencer said simply.
"We are straight," explained Chris, "but out in the woods we get a little bit gay."
There was a long hike to the particular hot springs we were heading to. We were way up a canyon into the mountains, so there was at least a foot of snow covering everything, but it wasn't particularly cold. There was no wind, and the snow insulated everything making the area totally quiet and peaceful. After about an hour and a half of hiking, we reached the hot springs, which were the clearest and cleanest and most comfortable of any I had ever been in.
We stripped off our winter clothes quickly and hopped in before we could get too cold. I had lost some weight and put on some muscle at grad school, and the guys quickly noticed. They were very complimentary.
"Wow, look at your thighs!" said Spencer, "What have you been doing? They're massive!"
"Looking good," added Chris, "You definitely have the best butt of the three of us."
I blushed, and we settled into the pool. Spencer popped open the sparkling pear cider we had brought (the only beverage we had found at the gas station on the way) and we took turns sipping from the bottle just as it began to snow lightly. They were big, heavy flakes that fell slowly, and the sky began to darken as the afternoon headed towards evening, and two wonderful naked guys were so close to me, accepting me. It remains one of the most beautiful memories of my life.
The homoerotic atmosphere really started after that. Spencer suggested we take turns rubbing snow on each other's backs. It was intensely, agonizingly cold, and yet strangely pleasurable at the same time, especially when, after having enough torture, you finally sunk down into the hot water and let your back warm up again. They gently rubbed it all over my back, up to my neck and down just to the top of my butt cheeks, and then we would switch. Everybody got plenty of attention. Of course there was plenty of laughing and goofing around, but I noticed that Chris's dick started to grow a little bit.
When we were through with that, we decided to walk down to the next hot pool. There were a string of them, on various levels, and the water flowed gently down from one to the next. We gathered our few things and walked about fifty feet, without putting our clothes back on. Our body temperature was so high from sitting in the pool that it felt like I was impervious to the weather. Here I was, completely naked and surrounded by nothing but snow, and yet I felt totally warm and comfortable. Chris, who was walking behind me, complimented my butt again. They weren't kidding about becoming gay in nature. Two comments about my ass in thirty minutes was definitely pushing it for a "straight" guy.
We had been sitting in the second pool for a while when the subject of conversation turned to sex again.
"So, Matt," Chris said suddenly, "tell me about rimming."
I was a little taken aback. "What about it?"
"Wait, what is rimming?" asked Spencer. He was a very intelligent and well-informed guy about most things, but in this regard I found his naivety cute.
"It's when somebody licks your asshole," explained Chris, showing off his knowledge. While as far as I knew they were both complete virgins, Chris took pride in being more informed than Spence. It was also clear he had done a little research on these subjects.
"People really do that?" Spencer asked, looking at me, "Have you?"
It felt a little odd to be confessing, but I wanted to be honest. "Yes, I have."
"Given or received?" asked Chris, curiously.
"Well, both," I replied, remembering my first boyfriend and I discovering the act for the first time. It had been in a shower in a hotel room in Las Vegas.
"How does it feel?" Chris said, and I could tell Spencer was curious too.
The images were coming back more strongly now. I was bent gently forward, resting my arms and chest against the wall of the shower while my boyfriend, kneeling behind me, gently glided his tongue down my back and crack and into the dark interior of my backside, while the water streamed down our bodies.
"It feels.. Incredible," I said, "Unbelievable. I know that's kind of vague but, I don't even know how to describe it."
When he had rubbed my hole with his tongue, electricity had surged through my body. The feeling had been so intense that I had pulled my ass away from his face, like I had been burned. I needed a moment to calm myself. I had a hard time relaxing and surrendering to him, but when I finally did, the pleasure was intense and it just kept on coming.
These memories were starting to arouse me and my dick started to stiffen. The water was really clean and clear, and we were sitting close enough together that the guys must have seen it, but they didn't say anything. If anything, I was beginning to think they were getting hard too, but I wasn't sure. I was lost in my memory, while Spence and Chris, intellectuals to the end, were discussing the possible anatomical and biological reasons for why that act must feel so good.
"Lots of nerve endings," said Spencer, "It makes sense."
"What about doing it to somebody?" asked Chris, "Is it weird?"
"Well," I said, "I thought it would be kind of uncomfortable but it wasn't bad. Of course, we were in the shower and everything was clean down there."
I remembered the surprise I had felt when my tongue had entered his hole. I don't know what I expected it to taste like, but certainly not the somewhat pleasant sweetness I was experiencing. The moans he was letting out let me know that I was doing a good job.
"Still," Spencer said, "It seems like that would be really unhygienic."
"I don't think I could ever do it." said Chris, adding, "But I might let somebody do it to me." He looked at my direction pointedly. I blushed.
"I'll give you my number," I said, making a joke out of it. I wasn't sure what else to say.
"No way," said Spencer, "Would you really do it to him?"
"I guess," I said, choosing my words carefully, "I mean, if he is really that curious about it. It'd be kind of like rubbing him with the snow, actually."
"That's true," said Chris.
"Yeah, but it's his ass, not his back," said Spencer, laughing. "He's probably all dirty."
"I've been sitting in warm water for a few hours, it's probably safe, you jerk," said Chris, splashing some water over at his buddy.
"Yeah, it would probably be fine." I said.
The laughter died down and we all sat there awkwardly. The reality of what was now sitting on the table was sinking in and we knew we were quickly coming to a point of no return. Either one of us would have to make a joke and change the subject now, or we would have to commit to what was going to happen and let it take its course. Nobody said anything, and we sat and judged the mood.
"Well," said Chris at last, smiling nervously, "You up for it?"
I shrugged and tried to play it cool. "Up to you."
"You have to tell me what its like," said Spencer, a bit uncomfortable but curious.
Chris stood up and brought his pelvis out of the water. He stayed there for a moment, seeming to have a little argument with himself in his head, and then finally turned and leaned forward onto the ground next to the pool. His ass was now stuck out towards me, and any doubts I had about going through with the act were now completely erased. While I had enjoyed rimming my ex, it wasn't an act I spent a lot of time fantasizing about doing to somebody. I had a lot of other things higher up on my list. But right at that moment Chris' slim hips and curved little butt looked so inviting and tasty I couldn`t resist. I could just make out between his cheeks a few details that I knew must be his hole, and the whole sight brought me quickly to a full erection.
"Just a few seconds," said Chris, "just so I can know what its like." I don't know if he was trying to reassure me or himself.
I drifted over to him in the water and positioned myself behind him. I could see Spencer out of the corner of my eye. His eyes were wide and his mouth hung slightly open, in total disbelief that this was actually going to happen. I would have been a lot less self-conscious without him watching and having to wonder what he was thinking, but it couldn't be helped. I cared a lot about what Spencer thought (he was after all the one that I really had a soft spot for) but I couldn't resist the sight of Chris and his ass in front of me.
"Ok," I said, "Here goes."
I grabbed his cheeks gently and spread them apart, revealing what lay inside. I've come to believe that every guy's asshole is as unique and fascinating as his dick - and yet both are in so many ways the same as every other guy's, the same as mine. It's the infinite variations on the familiar that I love, but I guess that's why I'm gay. I'm drawn to the differences in our sameness. His hole was pink and tiny and was clenching and unclenching in anticipation. I leaned my head in and gently brushed my tongue against it, just lightly, just for a second. He gasped out loud.
"More?" I asked, wondering if the experiment was now over. But he nodded quickly and bit his lower lip, ready. I licked it again, this time leaving it there longer and allowing the muscle of my tongue to move gently around, brushing in swooping motions. Just as with my first experience in that Las Vegas hotel room, I was taken aback by the sweetness, the pleasure of it.
He started moaning and muttering. "Holy shit," I heard him say.
I tried to pull back, but he pushed his ass against my face, not allowing me to escape. I dug right back in as his sounds of appreciation began to raise in tempo and volume and his body wriggled back and forth against the rocky outcropping of the pool. Finally, he seemed need a break, because he collapsed forward and away from me, gasping for breath.
"You're not kidding," he said at last, "That was..." he couldn't finish, just started laughing. I could see now that his penis, which had often been semi-erect at times on our outings together, was now fully hard. It bent slightly to the left. Chris pulled it up against his stomach, trying I guess to hide his arousal from me and Spencer. As for me, I was completely hard and had only the water to hide it, which wasn't much. I stole a glance at Spence and his face was pale and his lips tight. I wasn't sure how to interpret his expression.
"You have got to try that, Spencer," said Chris suddenly, "It's a total trip."
Spencer laughed nervously, but shook his head. "I'll pass. But thanks."
Chris shrugged, and lowered himself back into the water. "Damn. That really got me horny, actually. It was great. I wonder if I could ever convince a girl to do that."
"Not likely," I laughed, "Not a girl around here anyway. This was probably your only chance."
"Too bad. I want some more."
Chris was smiling at me, looking completely at ease and relaxed. His first homosexual contact didn't seem to be phasing him at all. In fact, through the ripples of the steaming water, I could see that he was holding his penis in his hand, rubbing and squeezing it gently.
"Well," I said, blushing a bit, "You are the one who stopped, not me."
"That is true," interjected Spencer suddenly.
Chris looked back and forth between me and Spence, thinking. After a pause, he spoke. "We're all friends here, right? Nobody would mind if I.. you know."
"Got off?" I supplied.
Chris nodded. "Yeah, that. I'm not going to be able to think about anything else until I do. Matt's fault."
"Guilty," I admitted. He and I laughed.
"Go ahead," said Spencer, who seemed strangely distant, "Knock yourself out."
"Ok, then," said Chris, unsure how to begin with us watching, "Matt, could you. help me out again? Just to get me going?"
Within a few moments we had returned to our original position, and this time I was pulling out all the stops to pleasure him as much as I could. The movement of my tongue around, in and out of his hole was matched by his swiftly moving hand as he masturbated without shame in front of his buddies. Before it had all been about exploration and curiosity, but the atmosphere had changed now to one of singular intense purpose. Chris was interested only in seeking release. Though he had said before he only wanted me to get him started, the minutes began pass and nothing was said, so I kept on going. As usual when pleasuring a guy, I was beginning to get caught up in his excitement, focusing on the cues his body was giving me in order to provide what he needed most. I hadn't really noticed that I had begun to jerk off as well, my hand tugging on my submerged dick urgently. Chris threw his head back and moaned, all inhibitions gone. The sound echoed through the quiet canyon, off of the snow-covered pine trees.
"Ok! Ok!" said Spencer, suddenly, startling me. I had almost forgotten he was there. "I'll try it!"
"Are you sure?" I said, unable to believe my ears and not wanting him to feel pressured into anything.
He had stood up out of the water, and I could see now that he too had a full erection. Unlike Chris, Spencer's stuck out straight, at least seven inches, and was impressively thick. It had a large bulbous head and an immediately noticeable bulging vein running along the top. A stream of water was trickling off his impossibly low-hanging balls. To my mind, he was absolutely perfect. Without ceremony Spencer turned his back and presented his ass to me. It was much rounder and firmer looking than Chris's.
"Just do it before I change my mind," he said, "Please?"
I didn't need any further encouragement. I kicked off from a rock and floated gracefully to his side. Chris turned to us, still pleasuring himself as he watched. Spencer's ass seemed to open on its own, presenting me with his vulnerable, secret area. I ran a finger down his crack, brushing up against his hole and trailing all the way down, stopping just before his balls. He shivered and grunted in approval, then strained his ass towards me pleadingly. I dove in with absolute relish, deciding not to ease into it, as I had done with Chris. My tongue immediately wriggled as deep into his hole as I could push it, and Spencer, not having time to get used to sensation down there as Chris had, lurched forward in a full-body spasm that ended with a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and squeal.
He tried to speak, but was unable to do anything but gasp for breath as I continued my onslaught. He pounded his hands against the rocks, shook his head back and forth, and tried to pull his ass away, unable to process the overwhelming stream of pleasure. I was having none of that. I kept right with him, following him wherever he moved so that I could continue my work. I would never get to have Spencer more than this, I thought to myself. I could never fuck him, or cuddle him, or hear him tell me he loved me. This was the most intimate I could ever be with him. True, I had never burned with passion for him, or been eaten up by lover's anguish. I was surviving just fine knowing that he could never return my feelings. But I did love him, I knew that much. With every movement of my tongue, I tried to send him that message, to let him know, to make him feel it. I don't know if he got the message, and I guess I never will. But he seemed completely transported by the sensations, suddenly unaware of anything but the wave of intensity as I continued to make love to him in the only way I could.
"Looks like Matt is getting better with practice," muttered Chris, who I could still see jerking off out of the corner of my eye. Spencer had joined him, squeezing himself slowly but tightly as he tossed his head back, eyes closed, and moaned almost inaudibly.
"Uh-oh," gasped Chris in a half-whisper, "I think I.. I'm not going to make it much longer."
I reacted instinctively, without pausing to think or plan. I pushed away from Spence and in one short second I was once again inside Chris, continuing to work my now aching tongue. He yelled out, and I could hear his breath quicken and feel the muscles of his body tense up in expectation. I was lost in his experience, and as he neared orgasm I felt a build up in my own body.
"Here I." Chris started, but was unable to finish as his body shook suddenly, heralding the arrival of his orgasm. He shot out several short, intense breaths and shook his hips. I was filled with a desire to watch his ejaculation, to see it come out, which I always thought was a fun sight, but I kept up pleasuring him until I could tell he was completely empty and done. When I finally pulled away, I could see two or three shots of cum on the rocks near the pool, and at least one that had landed in the water itself, which followed the flow of the water gently out of the pool and down the canyon. There were large beads of sweat on his forehead - the combination of his great effort and the very warm naturally heated water had taken its toll. But he looked happy and even a little dizzy. I felt a burst of pride for what I could tell was a job well done. I felt a bit of an afterglow myself, as though I had cum though I hadn't. I'm convinced that helping somebody have an orgasm is almost as good as having one yourself - I think it must release some of the same chemicals in the brain or something. Somebody should really do a study about that, I thought.
"I had no idea orgasm would be so amazing with you doing that," he said at last, interrupting my thoughts.
"Are you kidding?" I said, giving him a friendly pat on the ass, "That's what it's FOR!"
"Better get over here now, then." Spence's voice was strained, and his face and neck were tense.
I was back over in a heartbeat. As I began to work on him, I started to work my own dick in earnest, allowing myself to fully enjoy being part of this guy even in a small way. He hadn't been kidding though. It wasn't more than a minute before I felt him straining. I was trying to read all the cues from him, and between the movement of his body, the temperature of his skin, and the sounds of his breath, I could pinpoint exactly when he passed the point of no return. I doubled my effort, pushing and straining to get my tongue in as deep as possible, and allowing myself to imagine instead that it was quite a different part of me entering into him.
He made no sound at all as he came, which I found a bit disappointing, but he did spasm throughout the whole body and tossed his head dramatically. Perhaps most satisfyingly, for me, he reached his hand back as he released and grabbed my shoulder, holding on to it tightly. This was the last straw in my own sexual progress. Mere seconds later, while he was just beginning to come down from the heights of his pleasure, I felt myself swell up and then there was no thought, only intense sensation. I could feel myself shooting underwater, and I moaned uncontrollably into Spence's ass. The feeling of my voice vibrating him must have been an unexpected but welcome surprise, as his hand tightened on my shoulder and he began to shake his whole body again. We came together. Whatever he said next, or whether we would still be friends, or even if our lives were headed down separate roads forever, nothing could change that one moment of union that we shared.
"I can't believe it," said Spencer, simply, after it was finally all done.
"Pretty crazy, wasn't it?" said Chris. "I get why people do that now."
Spencer nodded, but didn't look inclined to speak. He lowered himself back into the water and laid his head back, his eyes closed.
"What about you, Matt?" Chris asked. "I'd understand if you needed to get off too."
I smiled. "I already did, actually."
"Really?" asked Chris, inspecting the water for evidence. "When?"
"Same time Spencer did."
Spencer opened his eyes and met my gaze. He didn't say anything but he looked at me for a very long time, smiling slightly. Something passed between us. I'm not sure what it was, but I felt like, maybe, he was trying to find a way to say he understood my feelings and felt sorry for me, and was letting me know he would love me as much as he was able, but that's really reading a lot into a simple look. What was really going through his mind will have to remain a mystery, as we never spoke of it afterwards.
It was pretty dark by that point, so we dried off, packed up, and headed back to the car. I wondered how it could be possible that the landscape could be even more beautiful than it had been before. We said nothing as we walked, taking in the view and enjoying the dense silence. When they dropped me off back in town, they both gave me a long and sincere hug.
I went back to school and wasn't able to come back to visit until the following Christmas. We all went up to some hot springs again, different ones this time, but there was no more sexual exploration. The guys talked incessantly about the girls they were dating, and I would have been pretty bored if Chris hadn't kindly given me a kick-ass foot massage. I haven't seen either of them since then.
But in dark times, whenever I need to cling on to a happy memory, I always remember the three of us huddled close together, sipping flat pear cider and laughing while watching the snowflakes fall one by one.