As Jeremy tore through his things, searching desperately for the missing sketch, the boys' chaperone saw the sketchbook, and the erotic drawings of Ben.
"So that's what they're fighting about," Shane said. He looked Jeremy up and down, as if everything was starting to make sense.
"Give it back!" Ben screamed, and Shane handed the sketchbook over.
"Calm down. It's okay," the man told the boy. But Jeremy didn't believe him. How could it be? Someone had stolen one of his drawings. Soon all the guys would know Jeremy's secret. Maybe the whole school would find out. Jeremy knew he had to get the sketch back, or else.
"Help me find my drawing," Jeremy pleaded with Shane, his eyes wild. He reached for Luke's bag, and started to unzip it.
"You can't go through the other guys' stuff," Shane said, reaching to pull the bag away. "We'll get it back. But the right way." Shane made Jeremy let go, and then urged him to breathe, to calm down.
Shane wasn't sure what to do. He knew as well as Jeremy did that whoever had stolen the sketch wasn't likely to confess. And yet Shane felt it was his duty to help the boy.
"First, you need to finish the group portrait," Shane explained. "We'll explain that you were in here, finishing it. And then we'll bring the guys back here. I'll get the sketch back," he said.
Jeremy shook his head. "How will you get it back?"
"Leave that to me," Shane said. But the truth was, he had no idea. "Finish the portrait, and let me worry about the rest."
Jeremy did as the man said. He let the task absorb his every attention, and soon he was calm again. He filled in Ben's face from memory. Shaded Walker's arm around his own shoulders. He added details to the group's surroundings, then layered in shadows. Quickly, the portrait came together as a finished drawing.
All the while, Shane paced, thinking hard.
"Who do you think might have taken it?" The man asked Jeremy when they were on their way to meet the group again.
"Luke," Jeremy said. "He has a crush on Ben." But Jeremy wasn't sure. "Or BJ," the boy said. "I think I saw him near my bags this morning." Jeremy remembered the look on BJ's face when the sophomore came out of the bathroom. He was quick to turn away from Jeremy's stuff and then avoided eye contact. Jeremy hadn't thought too much of it until now.
"Is BJ gay?" Shane asked. But immediately, the man regretted it. He didn't think it was his business, asking about the guys' sexuality.
Jeremy shrugged.
"What if someone took it to blackmail Ben?" The boy asked. "I don't know. It could be anyone." Shane nodded, but the idea seemed far fetched.
When they joined the rest of the group, Jeremy showed everyone the portrait. Mrs. P was ecstatic, and the look on her face made the boy proud. Jeremy looked up, and saw that everyone was smiling at him. Everyone except for Ben. Jeremy tried to read the senior's face, wondering if somehow he knew.
Shane pulled Luke aside. Jeremy saw the man whisper something to the freshman, and then Luke shook his head. They both turned to look at Jeremy, and the sophomore could tell that Luke was innocent.
Jeremy realized he was hoping that it had been Luke that stole it. As annoying as it would have been, at least the secret would have been safe. But if it wasn't Luke, who was it?
Shane told Mrs. P that the guys were going to split off for the afternoon. The group's teacher seemed relieved to entrust them with her husband. She looked exhausted, her typical bright and cheery disposition having faded from the day's drama.
After the guys were all back in their room, Shane sat everyone down and made a speech.
"Something has gone missing," he told them. He studied each of their faces, but no one confessed. "You have one chance to come forward. No questions asked. But if the stolen property isn't returned in the next five minutes, I'm going to ask each of you to go through your stuff with me watching over you. And then there will be a lot of questions."
"This is bullshit," Tommy said. "You have no right to go through my shit, Mr. P."
The chaperone shrugged.
"I'm hoping it won't come to that," the man explained. He looked around at the guys. Ben and Luke and Tommy were giving him severe eye contact, while BJ looked nervous, as if he had been caught.
"BJ," Shane said. "Do you have something that doesn't belong to you."
The junior bit his lip. He looked much younger, all of a sudden. He shrugged, not looking up.
"Do you want to come talk to me about it in the hall?" Shane asked. But BJ shook his head no.
"It was a goof," BJ said. He blushed, bright red. Jeremy's heart sank. But at least it seemed like he'd get his sketch back.
BJ reached into his backpack and pulled out something. But it wasn't Jeremy's sketch. Instead, it was balled up fabric. Underwear. He had stolen a pair from each of the guys, and was handing them back now, doling them out one by one. His hand shaking.
"You sniffing my shorts, bro?" Tommy asked, ripping his boxers out of BJ's hands. "Nasty fag."
"I was going to play a trick on y'all," BJ explained, but none of the guys seemed to believe him.
Jeremy's heart sank deeper as BJ handed him back a pair of boxer briefs. The pair he'd been wearing the first night me messed around with Ben. Jeremy checked, and sure enough they were stained with cum. The boy felt his face flush with embarrassment.
"Who stole my fucking sketch?" Jeremy asked the guys, suddenly. Shane had wanted to be more discreet, but Jeremy was tired of being coy. Someone in that room had it, and he was tired of playing nice.
Everyone looked up at him, all at once.
"What sketch?" Ben asked. He seemed suddenly as nervous as Jeremy, who refused to answer.
Tommy looked confused. BJ looked horrified, having confessed to the wrong crime. It was only when Jeremy finally looked into Walker's eyes that he knew.
"Calm down, buddy," the jock said. "It's just a piece of paper."
Jeremy felt sick all of a sudden. Just a piece of paper? No it wasn't. It was much more than that. He felt betrayed. Why would Walker have stolen from him?
"Fuck you, asshole," he screamed at Walker. Tommy's eyes went wide. No one had heard anyone talk to Walker like that. Especially not an underclassman. Ben had almost gotten punched for saying less.
"Give it back," Jeremy said. He wasn't afraid of Walker, perhaps because they both knew that in an instant Jeremy could tell all of the guys more than Walker wanted them to know.
Walker looked around the room. Everyone was staring, wondering what the jock would do. Even Shane, who seemed ready to break up another fight. Walker stood, and then slowly stepped past Jeremy, reaching for his bag. He dug out the stolen sketch and handed it to the boy, muttering a quiet apology.
Ben glared at Jeremy, as if the sophomore had let it all happen on purpose.
Fear and shame pooled in Jeremy's eyes. It was a strange mix of emotions that came over him. He wished he had never drawn Ben to begin with. Had never given himself to either of the senior guys. Jeremy had been a virgin days ago, and so he wanted to feel taken care of by the guys that had taken that from him. And instead, he was realizing that neither of them were on his side.
"What's it a sketch of, anyway?" Tommy asked, trying to see the drawing. But Jeremy shook his head.
"Nothing," he said, tearing up the picture. "Absolutely nothing." He glared back at Ben, wanting to look strong.
"What the fuck?" Tommy said. "A second ago, you were acting like it was worth money or something."
"Mind your own business," Shane said, and then asked to talk to Walker in the hallway.
"This is between me and Jeremy," Walker told their chaperone. "I don't have anything to say to you."
"It's between you and me, Walker," Ben corrected him. The seniors looked ready to fight each other again.
"Fuck you, fag," Walker said. It was enough to push Shane over the edge. He grabbed the jock by the arm and pulled him toward the hallway. The guys leaned back, afraid Walker would do something crazy. But Shane was stronger than he looked, maybe even stronger than Walker.
"Let's have a talk," Shane said, having lost his patience. Soon, the two were in the hallway, and the door shut behind them.
"Whoa," BJ said, and started to laugh.
Ben stared at Jeremy. He didn't know what to think or say. The sophomore continued to rip his sketch into smaller and smaller pieces, until the short stack of scraps was too thick to tear any more. And then he went to the bathroom to flush the pieces down the toilet.
"Are you okay?" Luke said to him, through the door. But Jeremy didn't want to be consoled. He pushed past the freshman as he left the bathroom and then stood stared out the window.
Suddenly, he felt a hand on his back. It was Ben. He whispered something to Jeremy. The last thing that the boy expected to hear.
"I broke up with her," Ben said.
Jeremy didn't know what to make of it.
"Congratulations," he said, shrugging away Ben's hand.
"I thought you'd be happy."
Jeremy crossed his arms. He didn't know what he felt. He wanted to go home, suddenly, for the field trip to be over. He could smell testosterone, thick in the air. The guys had been crammed in together for too long. None of them were thinking clearly. Everyone seemed on edge.
"Why did you tear it up?" Ben asked, but Jeremy didn't answer.
"Leave him alone," Luke said. Jeremy felt bad for suspecting it was Luke who had stolen the sketch. He was the only guy there that seemed to care how Jeremy was feeling.
Ben turned Jeremy around and kissed him suddenly on the mouth. He didn't care what Tommy or BJ thought. He wanted to kiss the boy, and so he did. And Jeremy didn't push him away.
Jeremy felt Ben's tongue push into his open mouth as the senior took him into his strong arms.
"What the hell, dude?" Tommy said. "Are all of you queer?"
"I'm not," BJ said, defensive. Tommy heckled him, saying something about BJ being a jock-sniffer. But Jeremy blocked it out. He wanted to disappear entirely, forget who or where he was and simply enjoy the feeling of being held.
Ben pulled Jeremy's body into his. Soon Jeremy could feel Ben's crotch grinding into his own. And that's when Tommy couldn't take it anymore.
"Get a room," he yelled. "I don't want to see that shit."
"Get over yourself," Ben said, just as Walker and Shane came back into the hotel room.
"Walker, bro!" Tommy said. "You won't believe this shit. Seriously." But Walker didn't say anything. He had just had his ass handed to him by Shane, and was clearly planning to be on his best behavior. "Ben and Jer are totally sweet for each other, bro."
"So?" Walker said, and Tommy squinted at him.
"What do you mean, 'So?'"
"So what, Tommy?" Walker said. "You have a problem with it, you can get your own room."
Ben's arms were still around Jeremy. He refused to let go. And Jeremy didn't want him to. Tommy was making it personal.
"Shane, man, are you cool with this?" Tommy asked. He seemed freaked out that no one was grossed out by the way Ben was touching Jeremy.
"It's not for me to say," Shane said.
"The fuck it's not!" Tommy said. "You're in charge, bro. Tell them this is the dudes' room. If they're gonna pull that shit, they got to do it somewhere else."
Shane shrugged. He had dealt with enough drama, clearly. "If you want to complain to Mrs. P, you can."
Tommy stormed out of the room, and as soon as he was gone, the guys all looked at each other.
"What a baby," Walker said, and everyone laughed. "Bitch had no problem making out with that chick in front of us when we were at the bar."
"Riiight?" Luke said, snapping his fingers a few times. He had never acted so flamboyantly in mixed company. When BJ saw it, he looked around the room, searching the other guys' faces for a reaction. But no one seemed to care. And so he kept his mouth shut.
"Jeremy, can I talk to you in the hall?" Walker asked. The sophomore looked at Shane and then back at Walker. Whatever the jock intended to say, Jeremy couldn't tell if their chaperone had put Walker up to it. But Jeremy nodded, and the two stepped out of the room together.
"What's up?" Jeremy said. Walker looked like a puppy, his big dark eyes staring at the ground. Walker had always looked self-assured, even full of himself. But the way Walker was acting, Jeremy couldn't help but take notice.
"Shane wanted me to apologize," he said. And for a moment it's all Jeremy could hear. Shane had requested it. And so the apology meant nothing.
"Whatever," Jeremy said.
"No," Walker said. "Not whatever." He looked Jeremy in the eyes. "I messed that up," he said. "Shane wanted me to apologize. But I want to do more than that. I want to explain."
"I'm listening."
Walker put his back against the door and sighed.
"I don't know if Ben told you anything about us," he said. "But we were best friends our freshman year. Like really close. And, you know, stuff happened."
"Stuff?" Jeremy asked, unable to imagine Ben and Walker hanging out.
"You know. Stuff. We'd hang out after school and get into trouble. Sometimes we'd watch porn together and bang one out. You know. We never talked about it. This is the first time I'm saying it out loud. But it happened. And then sophomore year, everything changed. I got onto the team. And Ben started dating that girl. And at some point I told him not to."
"Are you saying you have a crush on Ben?" Jeremy asked.
"I'm saying I have a crush on you," Walker said, turning to face him. "And that at one point I did have a crush on Ben, yeah. But he broke my heart. And made me afraid to come out to anyone or fall for anyone again. Until this trip."
Jeremy stood there, taking in what Walker was saying.
"Say something," Walker begged. But all Jeremy could do was shrug.
"Anyway. So I took the sketch out of your bag. To remember him. And you. And the trip. Because I never want to forget this feeling."
Walker leaned in suddenly, trying to kiss Jeremy. But the boy pushed him away. He had just kissed Ben. And though he felt like a jerk turning Walker down, he wasn't convinced.
"I feel like you're messing with me," he told Walker.
"It's Ben that's messing with you!" Walker said. "He has a girlfriend. I don't."
"He broke up with her," Jeremy told him. But Walker rolled his eyes.
"No he didn't. I would have heard. Like a dozen people would have texted me."
"Are you telling me Ben lied?" Jeremy asked, insulted. "Why should I believe you? What do you know, anyway?"
"I know Ben," he said. And Jeremy pushed Walker away from the door, tired of his apology.
As Jeremy walked back into the room, the other guys were laughing. They were talking about going to the bar again, recounting stories from the previous two nights.
"I'm not hearing any of this. For the record," Shane said, laughing too.
"Sure you're not," Ben said.
"You guys kiss and make up?" Luke said, and Ben shot him a dirty look. "What? It's an expression."
"Everything's cool," Walker said. And Shane looked satisfied. But when Jeremy didn't return to Ben's waiting arms, everyone knew something was up.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Mrs. P had come to coordinate dinner plans with her husband.
"Did Tommy come by to talk to you?" Shane asked his wife, but Mrs. P didn't know what he was talking about. "Nevermind," Shane said, and changing the subject. "Us guys will do our own thing for dinner, if that's okay," he said, and everyone agreed.
Only after Mrs. P was gone did Shane ask if anyone had Tommy's number.
"He wouldn't have gone far," Walker said. "Probably just blowing off some steam." And then Walker texted his teammate.
"Seems he's already at the bar," Walker told the guys after Tommy texted back. "What do you say?"
--
"So what did she say when you broke up with her?" Jeremy asked Ben, once they were alone and walking ahead of the rest of the guys.
"She was upset. But I think she saw it coming," he answered.
"Why?" Jeremy asked.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I don't really want to talk about her now."
"Well I do," Jeremy said, afraid that Walker was telling the truth.
"She's in college. I'm not. It's like two different worlds."
"Plus, you're gay," Jeremy said.
"No I'm not," Ben said. "I mean, I'm into dudes. If that's what you're saying. I like girls too, Jeremy. It's not all or nothing with me. I like both."
"Okay," Jeremy said. But he couldn't imagine liking both, and so it felt like a lie.
"It's like you. How you like Walker too. Even though we're different."
"Except you both have dicks," Jeremy said, laughing. "Besides, even if I like you both, I'm ready to choose." Jeremy turned to look Ben in the eyes. It was getting dark, and the streetlights along the highway had all come on.
"Are you ready to choose?" Jeremy asked.
"You mean, forever? Right away?" Ben acted like it was a ridiculous question.
"I'm not asking you to marry me or anything. But I've never really dated anyone. I'm not ready to have my heart broken."
"I thought we could have some fun. Relax. Don't worry so much."
But it wasn't what Jeremy needed to hear. He stopped walking. He turned to look back, waiting for the rest of the gang to catch up.
"What's wrong?" Ben asked.
"Nothing," Jeremy said. "I'm relaxing."
"Come on," Ben urged. He put his arm around the boy.
"Is it true you and Walker were friends once?"
Ben looked taken aback. But eventually, he nodded. A grin appeared on his face. "Yeah, we were pretty tight."
"What happened?" Jeremy asked, and the two started walking again, still a ways ahead of the guys.
"He turned into a dick," Ben said flatly. "He stopped hanging out when he got on the team and then blamed me for it. Why? What did he tell you?"
Jeremy grinned, not saying anything.
"What? That we used to mess around? We did. So what?"
Jeremy's mind filled with pictures of the two guys jerking off together, both pretending to be watching the screen. He pictured Walker, Jeremy's age, licking his palm as he had that first night. Cocky as ever. Reaching to stroke Ben's cock.
"It was pretty hot," Ben confessed. "And I was hurt when it stopped."
"Hurt?" Jeremy asked. According to Walker, it was Ben who called it off.
"I was young. I didn't know what I wanted. Maybe I still don't. But Walker got weird. He wanted me to tell everyone what we'd been doing. And when I wouldn't, he refused to hang out with me again. He spread rumors later about me and my girlfriend. He's had it out for me ever since. And all because he pushed me. Too hard, too fast. I wasn't ready."
"Is that a warning?" Jeremy asked. "Not to push you too hard?"
"Stop," Ben said. "Let's just enjoy tonight."
As the guys approached the bar, they could hear the beat of the music playing loud. Lights were shining through the windows and there were balloons outside.
"Is there a party going on?" Shane asked. But there was only one way to find out.
The gang walked in, all together.
"You came back," the bartender said to the group. "Hey Blow Job!" he called to Walker, with a wink. Walker nodded, into the attention.
Tommy came over to the guys. He had been drinking beers alone at a table. Perhaps a few too many. He slurred when he said Jeremy's name.
"Turns out it's gay night," Tommy said. At first, they thought he was picking on Ben and Jeremy. But no. It was in fact gay night at the bar. "I can't escape you people," he said, but with a strange smile on his face.
"Feeling good, bro?" Walker asked his teammate, putting his arm around Tommy's broad shoulders.
"Yes I am," he said. "A little too good."
The bartender called over to Walker. He had a line of blowjob shots ready for the guys.
"Want a blowjob?" Walker asked Tommy, winking conspiratorially. Tommy didn't seem to understand that Walker meant a shot. He looked him in the eyes, and then over at the other guys. Luke smiled at Tommy, raising his eyebrows. And Tommy grinned dumbly.
"When in Rome," Tommy said.