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Sins of a Future World: Chapter 5
The hangover was even worse the next morning. Jace awoke on the couch again, in just his boxers, desperately needing to relieve himself but desperate not to get up. When he finally succumbed to natures call and stumbled toward the bathroom he tried to piece together the events of the night before.
"Holy shit..." He mumbled to himself as snatches of what had happened in the hot tub came back to him. When he had finished he collapsed back onto the couch but was unable to sleep again. Instead he put a pillow over his face to block out the light and just lay there thinking.
He knew he had messed up. If he had been on Varros, doing what he did with someone of Ryn's actual age was bad enough. Doing it with someone of Ryn's apparent age was unforgivable.
Hearing settling on one of the chairs nearby, Jace peeked out from behind his pillow to see Ryn sitting across from him, staring at him. He wore a very loose fitting shirt that dipped low in the front.
"Good morning." Ryn said quietly and without emotion.
"Morning." Jace grumbled.
"I've made some tea that will help with the headache, if you like." Ryn's voice struck him as strange. His tone was not at all what Jace had expected. He had expected maybe anger, or attachment, but the emptiness, as though nothing had happened, confused him. Maybe Ryn did not remember.
Jace struggled to sit up with a groan and suddenly felt very explosed, sitting almost naked on the couch. Ryn did not seem to notice and got up, returning shortly with two cups of tea.
Smelling it, Jace could tell it was made from the same plant that had been infused into the water yesterday. As he thanked Ryn for the tea, their eyes met, and something strange happened. Jace could feel Ryn's torn feelings about what they had done. On the one hand was everything he had learned telling him that it had been a horrible mistake, and on the other hand was everything that he felt telling him how right it was. He could see that Ryn was enjoying looking at him in just his underwear but desperately correcting himself in his mind. His thoughts were laid out clearly for Jace as though they were written on his face.
Ryn didn't snap at him like the last time. Instead he just blushed and looked at the ground, breaking the connection.
"Was that...?" Jace started. "Did I just...?"
Ryn sighed and looked like he might cry. "We have a connection now, Jace Marron. Because of what we chose to do. For better or worse, a part of us has become one."
Confused, Jace frowned and sipped at the tea. "What do you mean?"
"From now until your last days, a part of my mind is yours, just as a part of your mind is mine." Ryn said without looking at him.
"Wait..." Jace felt something like panic rising inside him. "It's permanent?"
Ryn nodded.
"You knew that this would happen?" Jace demanded. "If we... did that?"
Ryn sniffed and Jace saw tears in the corner of his eyes. "I am sorry, Jace. I... should have controlled myself. I should never have been so forward."
Jace was about to make a biting comment but the absurdity of it struck him suddenly. He, a twenty-two year old man was about to yell at a fourteen year old for not having enough self-control in a sexual situation. He knew he had no one to blame but himself. And that made it even more frustrating.
Taking a deep breath and a sip of tea to calm himself he finally asked. "What does it mean, this connection?"
Wiping his eyes and regaining his composure a little, Ryn lifted his gaze to look Jace in the eyes. "It means this, among other things." He said without moving his mouth.
Jace felt the voice in his head as well as hearing it even though Ryn had made no sound. "How did you do that?" He asked, amazed.
"Look at me, and project your words. Shout them in your mind." Ryn instructed.
Jace scowled and tried to focus himself but his mind was running in a hundred different directions. As he was about to give up he locked his gaze with Ryn's and looked at his bright blue eyes. They still had that mysterious quality to them, but something was different. The sight of them gave him profound comfort, as though he were looking in a mirror, staring into his own eyes. And seeing the remnants of tears at their corners made him want to cry himself. In that moment, he wanted nothing more than to make those eyes smile again as he had seen them do before.
"You're beautiful." Was the thought that came out. It was a soft whisper but Ryn immediately blushed a deep red and tears began to flow freely.
"What's wrong?" Jace asked, worried that he had made a mistake.
Ryn looked at him wordlessly and Jace saw immediately what it was. There was Ryn's uncertainty about his feelings for Jace. The customs of his people that told him it was wrong. But there was more than that. A connection like this one in the past. Yarra. The other Archon that Ryn had told him about. The two of them were more than friends. They had been lovers. He could clearly feel the emotions Ryn carried when he looked at Yarra's face. The close-cropped light brown hair and confident smile, beset with mischievous dark eyes all belonged to a face that Ryn had loved more than any other. Jace felt himself crying as he experienced Yarra's death over and over again. The terror of seeing the ship come apart around him and feeling himself sucked out into the dark void just before the connection was ruthlessly severed, leaving behind despairing blackness and burning rage.
Jace tore his gaze away and the visions faded, leaving him panting for breath with tears streaming down his face. Despite breaking the connection, the emotions stayed with him. He could feel them as if they were radiating off of Ryn like waves of heat. He wanted nothing more than to comfort his friend but had no idea how.
Sitting forlorn with slumped shoulders, Ryn sniffed. "After Yarra died, I decided I would not make such a connection again." His voice caught in his throat. "I thought... I thought it would be... an insult to his memory." Ryn sniffed and stuttered, fighting a losing battle against breaking down again. "And I can't..." He fought back a sob. "I can't watch it happen ever again."
Wordlessly, Jace stood and walked over to sit next to Ryn. He put his strong arms around the small boy and Ryn melted into him, sobbing uncontrollably. Their minds connected again, but Jace was more ready for it this time. He tried to focus on bringing up comforting memories from his past, knowing that Ryn could see his mind just as clearly. His mind focused in on one memory in particular. It was his grandmother, singing an old lullaby when he had been very young. He could not remember the words but the melody was clear in his memory. He remembered how comforting he had found it all those years ago.
It seemed to help. Ryn's sobbing slowed and Jace could feel his emotions starting to piece themselves together again. Years of training began to kick in and suddenly the ageless wisdom of an Archon had replaced the frailty of Ryn's youth.
Ryn straightened himself, shuddering slightly and wiping tears from his eyes. "Thank you." He said softly. "I'm sorry..."
"You don't have to apologize to me." Jace assured. "We'll figure it out."
Ryn nodded once, then stood up. "Calae has your clothing I think. I trust you'll want to freshen up."
Jace stood as well. He was still concerned for Ryn, but he did not press it. He could not help but notice Ryn's wandering eye when he stood up though, if only briefly. He made his way to the bathroom.
"Jace..." Ryn said after him awkwardly, causing Jace to turn. "I think it may be best if we... stay within our own minds. As much as possible. There is knowledge of the Archons that is not meant for any other. It is a burden I would not want to share with you."
Although sharing a headspace had a certain intimate feeling to it, Jace wholeheartedly agreed. He did not relish the idea of all his thoughts and memories being sifted through, even by Ryn.
As the warm water of the shower cascaded around him, Jace's mind was again drawn to what had gone on the night before. The feeling of Ryn on top of him and the ecstasy of the moment when their minds had joined had been beyond perfect. The comfort of the water and the thought of the things they had done caused him to begin to stiffen. Jace had known for some time that he was bisexual, but his preference was usually for women. Something about Ryn though had been drawing him in from the moment they met.
Without realizing it he had begun touching himself while remembering the curves of Ryn's body in his hands. The look of pleasure on his wide-eyed face was still etched into Jace's mind. Reluctantly he took his hand away and began drying. He stepped out expecting to find his clothes waiting for him like the day before but did not see them.
"Umm... Calae? Can I have my clothes?" He said into the air.
"I am sorry, Ambassador. I cannot do that right now." The digitized voice replied.
"Okay? Are they still being cleaned?" He asked in confusion.
"Your clothing is clean."
"So, what's the problem?" Jace realized that he was sweating quite a lot for some reason.
"You must be made to understand." Calae's response was calm and yet it frightened Jace for some reason.
"What do you mean?" Jace could feel that the temperature in the room had risen significantly. "Calae, what are you doing?"
"You must understand what will happen to you, should you cause harm to Archon Embara." The temperature continued to rise drastically and Jace suddenly started to feel light-headed.
"Calae, stop!" Jace demanded, trying to open the door.
"The anima of this ship are in service to Archon Embara." Calae said calmly. "If you were to harm him, there is nowhere on any world that would be safe for you."
Jace's head was swimming now. "I wouldn't!" He leaned heavily on the door. "I wouldn't ever do that."
Suddenly the heat disappeared and a rush of fresh air was pumped into the room. Jace sank down to the floor breathing hard where he waited for his head to stop spinning.
One of the taps of water started to run. "Drink some water." Calae instructed. "You will feel better."
Jace got up slowly and began gulping down large quantities of water. He knew that in a few short minutes he had sweat out enough to cause a concern for dehydration. Calae put another jet of water on to rinse the sweat from his body and then dried him quickly. Finally the recess in the wall opened and Jace's clothes were inside.
"Remember this, Ambassador." Calae warned as Jace dressed hurriedly and left the bathroom. "We will."
Jace did not know if he should tell Ryn what had happened or if that would upset Calae further. An overprotective and mothering AI was so far outside his frame of reference that he had trouble even wrapping his mind around it.
Immediately Ryn sensed something was wrong. "Are you alright?" He asked as Jace entered the room, concern crossing his shimmering eyes.
"Yeah, I'm fine." Jace replied, trying to sound as normal as possible. "Just tired still."
Ryn looked unconvinced but did not press it. "There is a proper bed you can use if you would like, just past the master bedroom. Go and take a nap and I will wake you for lunch."
Jace actually was quite tired and the idea of a real bed was quite alluring. He could not help but poke his head into the master bedroom as he walked by. It was, as he expected, huge and quite elegant. The bed itself was so large that at least 3 grown men could sleep on it and never come in contact. The guest room was smaller but still very fancy, and the bed was just right. Jace passed out almost the instant he lay down.
He was awakened by a hand on his shoulder. "I've gotten us some lunch." Ryn was saying.
Jace stretched and groaned. He felt surprisingly good. Even though it was only a few hours' sleep, he felt refreshed. Sitting up on the edge of the bed he came face to face with Ryn who still stood less than two feet away.
He looked into Ryn's eyes and felt the connection between them, however he came up against a wall instead of seeing straight into Ryn's mind.
Ryn blushed. "It's better this way." He said quietly.
"Are we going to pretend that last night didn't happen?" Jace asked, gazing intently at the boy.
After a moment's pause, Ryn replied. "I do not know." He met Jace's eyes again. "I do not know what to do."
Jace gently took Ryn's hand in his. Ryn did not resist but just let his hand hang limply. "What do you want?" He pressed. "I don't mean what you think you're supposed to do. I mean what do you want?"
Ryn squeezed his hand a little before replying softly. "You already know."
Slowly and gently, Jace pulled the small boy closer. Ryn's breathing quickened as they came together. Jace rested his forehead on Ryn's and looked him in the eyes. "I'm not going to hurt you." He promised. "I care about you." He slid an arm around Ryn's waist.
Ryn came forward and kissed Jace, and Jace held Ryn's slender frame close. They held it for a long time, with Jace's strong arms squeezing Ryn tight and Ryn's small hands around Jace's shoulders. Finally Jace pulled away.
"We're in this together." He said. "You said yourself that we're connected now. In the short time I've known you I can't think of many people I'd rather be connected to."
Ryn did not respond but instead hugged him tight. Jace ran a hand up and down Ryn's back.
"What was that song?" Ryn asked suddenly.
"Which one?"
"You know. The one you were humming in your mind before. The one that made you feel happy."
Jace remembered. "Oh. It was a song my grandmother used to sing to me. I can't remember how it goes though. Just the tune."
"It was beautiful." Ryn said, giving Jace another quick kiss.
"So are you." Jace pulled the now blushing Ryn back for another. "So... do you want to get lunch? Or... we could stay here..."
Ryn smiled coyly, flashing his perfect teeth. "I'm hungry." He ran a hand down Jace's arm. "But we could come back later..." He let the implication hang in the air.
Jace grinned back before standing up. "I like the sound of that."
The tension seemed to have broken. Ryn was becoming more comfortable with what had happened between them and began to return to his old self. He laughed and joked over lunch with Jace and even went so far as to teasingly run his foot down Jace's leg.
After the meal Ryn offered to show Jace how the Luminous Hand was operated. As an engineer Jace was very interested to see this, even if he had had other hopes for what might have happened after lunch. They took the elevator down a long ways and Ryn led him through a long maze of halls. Jace was again struck by how silent the ship was. It was so big and yet so empty. It was almost lonely to Jace who was used to the madness and bustle of the Lograin.
Finally, Ryn stopped before a heavy white door and turned back to Jace. "When we are inside you must be as silent as you can. The anima can be restless."
"Wait, what do you mean, restless?" Jace objected, but Ryn just smiled and opened the door.
Inside was almost pitch black with a small lighted circle in the center. In the circle in relaxed chairs sat five other people, two women and three men. None of them seemed to be doing anything. It was not at all what Jace had expected from a control room. There were no terminals and though the room was very large, it was almost entirely empty.
Ryn stepped into the circle of light in the center but motioned for Jace to stay back. As he did, a viewport suddenly slid open directly ahead. It looked out into space and Jace could see the idle fleet of the Harmonious Light laid out before them. The other five in the room stood up as one but said nothing. The all seemed to be waiting for something.
Suddenly, a high clear voice pierced the silence. It took Jace a moment to realize that it was Ryn, and that he was singing. His pure soprano echoed eerily and unnaturally through the dark room. The echoes that reverberated back were slightly distorted. He sang in a language that Jace did not recognize, but his breath caught and a chill ran through him as the familiar melody reached him. It was the same tune he had given to Ryn earlier.
Ryn's voice was beautiful and gave Jace goosebumps, when he reached the end of a verse however, he paused. As he continued, the two women suddenly joined him, adding their harmonies to his melody. Jace looked around as soft blue lights began to blink on sporadically around the room.
The echoes became stronger as the third verse started and the three men added their voices, creating a deep resonance underneath the high pitched strains of Ryn and the women. The blue lights continued to come on, looking like stars in the dark room.
As the third verse came to an end, Jace suddenly felt more than heard a deep bass rumble. At the start of the fourth suddenly another voice joined them. Or maybe it was more than one. Jace could not tell. It seemed to come from all around him and have multiple pitches, dozens of them, ranging from impossibly deep to even higher than Ryn's voice, which could still be heard floating over the rest. These new voices had an electric quality to them, and Jace realized that the anima were singing as well.
An awestruck chill washed over him. The very soul of the ship had been awakened by its Archon. The Luminous Hand was not just a vessel of war. It was a living titanic creature, made up of thousands of minds that were simultaneously all one.
Jace had been so caught up in this realization that he had not even noticed that the ship had started to move. As they continued their hymn-like song, the Luminous Hand moved through space, giving Jace a breathtaking view of Varros. He did not know how it was that the anima responded so quickly and specifically to a song, but it was absolutely fascinating, and the sound that the chorus produced could only be described as hauntingly beautiful.
As the ship completed its miniature lap, Ryn's voice trailed off. A few at a time the other voices dropped away too. Finally, the anima faded to a low robotic hum that Jace could feel in his chest before that too died out and the blue lights winked out one at a time.
The five others in the circle took their seats again and Ryn took Jace out of the dark room once more. As soon as the door had closed behind them, Jace was unable to contain himself.
"That was..." Any word he could come up with seemed woefully inadequate. "Amazing..." He knew that `amazing' did not cut it but his words were failing him. "You control your AI by singing to them!?"
"Singing with them." Ryn corrected with a smile. "We wake them up and they are glad to join us in any mission the Light has to offer."
Jace shook his head, still unable to believe what he had witnessed. "Why that song?" He asked. "How did they all know it?"
Ryn gave him an amused look that made him feel almost like a child. "I shared it with them from my mind." He told him, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Any melody that carries strong personal meaning will work."
"You have a beautiful voice." Jace commented, getting a slight blush from Ryn.
"Thank you. All Archons are taught very young how to best communicate with the anima."
Jace looked around quickly before running a hand down the back of Ryn's neck. Ryn surprised him by shaking it off quickly and shaking his head.
"Not here." He said in a scolding voice. "Not ever."
Jace frowned but nodded. He could not imagine the burden that Ryn's secret caused him, and he certainly did not want to have any part in exposing it, especially not after Calae's little warning.
Sensing his change of mood, Ryn offered him a mischievous smile as they stepped onto the elevator. "When we get back to the apartment." He promised.
Jace grinned at this, his mind whirling with possibilities as the doors closed behind them.