Sins & Saviors by DCG
############## DISCLAIMER ##############
Again I hate to reiterate this every chapter, but if you shouldn't be here or don't want to be here for whatever reason, then can you please go away and do something else...I also don't want to insinuate or imply anything about the sexuality of any members of NSync...I do however want to imply Joey's sexuality as in this story I am implying he is a heterosexual man, and as far as we know, he is!! so there!! ner ner, nernerner!! ha-ha (By the way, Jonathan, Cath and Carl are mine so bugger orf!! lol)
Author's Notes: Hey there, and here is chapter 6 of S&S and I am getting closer to that elusive double digit chapter...! lol I hope you liked that last chapter and I would like to send my thanks out to all the great peeps put there who edited the chapter for me and acted as suggestive machines for me!! Although I would like to take this opportunity now to SHOUT REALLY LOUD!! lol and ask that people respond to the story at least with a 'good job keep up the good work' or 'piss off it's crap', or even, shock horror, with a suggestion!! because to just get one response for a previous chapter was a bit infuriating, and it made me question if I should continue writing this story!!
Suggestive Reads: Go and read Everything!! ha-ha
And now on with the story...
Last time in Sins & Saviors...
"You always say that mom..." responded Jonathan as he turned on his heels to face his mother... But when he turned it was as if the scene changed before his eyes. He had listened to the words of his mother for the past few minutes. The sounds and echoes from her were familiar. The words strung a chord that had already been strummed before and had come to rest. It was Deja'vu. In turning the white facade of before had dissipated. It was replaced by rain, and that was the first thing Jonathan realized. Rain, heavy droplets falling everywhere. He raised his head and looked skywards and for the first time realized the change in scenery. 'Where am I?' he questioned as he tried to recollect the past few minutes and hours. The visions were fading fast... He could remember Natalie, just. He could remember Patrick being around, just. But he couldn't remember what they were doing for some reason, yet he had the feeling that they were around recently. Then another realization... 'Natalie couldn't have been there...' and from this his confusion returned. But throughout this soul searching, one thing remained a constant. A face. A face of a man. A nameless face. But still a constant. 'Who is he?' questioned Jonathan as he lowered his face down...His eyes met the scene...
And now this continuing story...
Sins & Saviors by DCG
Chapter 6 - Eyes Open
...and the scene met him. The rain didn't feel heavy anymore. The wind that rushed through the air at breakneck speed didn't register in his mind.
"Mom" Croaked Jonathan as he looked down to the street in front of himself. The darkness of the night sky masked the more gruesome aspects of the scene. The lights of the shattered car still shone brightly though, through the smoke that hung ominously in the air. The distant sounds of a broken machine echoed from the car as sparks flowed from the cracks and wounds in it's hull.
The rain continued to fall all around as Jonathan froze in place and registered the scene in his mind. People from nearby houses and shops ran, as if in movie version slow motion to the epicenter and all manner of emotions could be seen on their faces. A woman in her mid forties reached the edge of the wreckage, the first person on scene, but could go no further. She stopped instantly and clasped he hands over her mouth as he knees buckled slightly. By now, more and more people began to form a crowd around the scene, and with it the man, her husband appeared and steadied her. They were the closest to Jonathan's mom, a mere ten meters away, but they daren't go any nearer, hoping for the best, but fearing the worst, assuming the worst. Rows of faces looked on as if it were a show, but their facial expressions negated that possibility as most turned away, fearing to look, while other stood frozen to the spot, unable to move, but transfixed by the play in front of their eyes. For that brief collection of moments, Jonathan was one of these people. But a moment later he shook the paralyzing fear from his bones and rushed to her side, in a burst of energy that sent him to his knees across the gravel and tarmac ground, bringing blood down his legs as he came to a stop near her side. Her body laid crumpled on the ground, her clothes were disheveled and erratic. Her face looked devoid of emotion, and it looked without fear...but without life. Mere seconds later his hands were approaching her body, his mind intent on utilizing his medical knowledge for the ultimate good, but...
As soon as his fingertips came to touch her cold skin, at the moment where he wished he would feel her life force beating methodically back to him, he felt nothing. He didn't just not feel her pulse, but he couldn't feel her. As his touch approached, his entire hand passed through her form...He quickly, out of shock, pulled his arm back and looked at it for a second before trying again. Again nothing happened, and he tried again...
"What the fuck is happening...?" Jonathan asked out of hope that an answer would appear from a random face in the crowd, but nothing. They were just a collection of faces...nameless faces.
Jonathan was now becoming frantic...His breath erratic. Here laid his mother, barely in this world, her breathing narrow and weak. And he couldn't do a thing to help. He was helpless...
Away from the unfolding states of Jonathan mind, and away from the fraught relationship that was JC and Justin, Joey had turned away from Justin's room and away from Lance, and decided on some scenery. In two days all he had seen were magnolia walls, and unhealthily clean smells. It was proving to be draining and had no impact whatsoever on his moral. 'A walk in the real world is in order' mused Joey as he passed Johnny, exchanging a smile with his manager as he gestured to the exit at the end of the corridor.
"Don't go too far Joey..." asked Johnny as they passed.
"Just gonna go for a walk, maybe get something to eat. I'll be around..." answered Joey as he looked away from Johnny and towards the door, and kept walking.
"I'll get that for you..." said Cath as she opened the door from the outside...then gesturing for Joey to walk out into the refreshing air.
"Aren't you supposed to be working?" smiled Joey as he watched Cath allow the door to close of it's own accord.
Cath sniggered for a moment before looking up at Joey.
"What do you say we go and get a bite to eat!" suggested Cath as she approached her car with Joey in tow.
Joey stopped by the passenger side of the car and watched Cath as she unlocked the door at her side. He smiled. It had been a while since one graced his face without effort. Being here, in these circumstances, certainly didn't encourage such shows of self morale.
"What are you smiling at?" Asked Cath as Joey snapped out of his trance... "Um...Nothing...Just thinking..." answered Joey
"Well, we'll talk about it later, when we have some food in our tummy's!" laughed Cath as she seated herself in the drivers seat and leant over, and unlocked the door for Joey to clamber in.
The drive to wherever Cath had planned for a lunch stop was silent. Both of them had their own thoughts and concerns to deal with, without the added need to worry about each other's. That was not to say that the thought of asking never passed through their minds because it did. It passed through more often than needed, or wanted. Joey sat in his comfy passenger seat for the full twenty minutes drive thinking about nothing but what he was leaving behind. He had wanted so dearly to leave the stark and uninspiring hospital ever since the moment he step foot in the place. He didn't know whether he was being selfish, or truthful. He didn't know whether he wanted to leave because of what was enclosed within, or that he wanted to deny a possible truth. He just knew that he needed to leave, for a break. And now he was here, in a car, Cath's car, rapidly departing the hospital, and all he could think about was what he had left behind. His brotherly love of Justin was never more evident in his thoughts than now. He loved him dearly as if he were his own blood, and the news of his injuries, and hospitalization were like a bullet to himself. He knew, inside, that he probably didn't show the emotions he felt, externally. Infact it wasn't a probably, it was a definitely. He joked and laughed. He knew when to crack a silly grin. He always lightened the atmosphere in a heated argument, or a silent period. He also knew that he was the first to brush his feelings aside in a crisis, and make it seem as if nothing was wrong. When it most certainly was. 'I'll tell him what I feel the next time I see him...' finalized Joey as the raft of thoughts, sights, and emotions came to halt, as the memory of the hospital began to fade from his immediate memory.
"I'll have you back before you know it." Added Cath as she spied him looking through the rear view mirror for the umpteenth time. She could see the look of worry on his face. She could see that he feared for his absence. But she also knew that he needed to get away, and right now she would provide it for him. She would be the smile and joke for the afternoon, even if it was at her own expense.
Joey merely looked across at her and smiled, silently. 'She knows exactly what to say...' he thought as he returned his gaze to road as a local restaurant approached, and from the way Cath was maneuvering the car, this was the place she had in mind.
She parked the car and they entered. It was a mixed type restaurant. It was one of Cath's favorites, and the only one she could think of at such short notice.
"It's one of my favorites..."
"Here?"
"Yeah...My mom used to own it when it just used to be an Italian restaurant. But I think I like it even more now..." Mused Cath as they entered through the front door...
"I come here if I need some good food, some good company, or somewhere to think..." she finished, hoping Joey would take the hint, and would also take to the table, and not turn on his heels and exit. Yes, this was a set-up of sorts...but only if Joey allowed it...
Justin awoke to an empty room, and a distinct feeling in his head that he should close his eyes and forget ever thinking about opening them again for a while longer. The dull pain in his head, a direct side affect of the medication, reminded him instantly of his predicament. He sighed as he lifted his head, and then his body up against the back restraint of the bed.
He laughed inwardly as he looked around and thought back over the events of the week. He also knew he was thinking too much. He thought of the accident a little too much. He thought about his parents a little too much. He thought of work a little too much. He thought about the guys, especially JC, a little too much. And finally, he thought of Jonathan Harrison a little too much. But the latter was the problem. Through all the subsiding, and returning pain. Through everything else that happened within these four walls over the past 24 hours or so, that man remained in his thoughts, and for once he was beginning to realize why. 'Those eyes...' he thought as he pulled himself to the edge of his bed. The pain in his ribs, and back were almost indistinguishable right now, but that didn't stop him hesitating every time he moved just in case they returned.
"I can't stay here forever." he surmised as he raised to his feet, a little unsteady at first, but it didn't take long for him to get his bearings. Placing a hand on the wall he put his feet into a pair of comfy house shoes that his mom had brought in for him, and he made his way to the door.
Once outside, the clean air, and the bustle of activity hit him. Nurses, doctors, patients walked around, ran around, or sulked around the hall, without batting an eyelid to his presence. It was a good thing. He placed both feet squarely outside the door and onto the cold hard corridor surface and allowed the door to close behind himself. It clicked shut, and he was officially outside. It was a weird feeling. A new feeling. He felt, somewhat exposed to the elements. Spending over a day inside one room, being waited on hand and foot, brought this feeling on. But although he felt exposed, naked of sorts, and slightly alone, he knew why he was outside, and where he needed to go.' Which way is it?' ... 'How do I get to the ICU?' ... 'Someone please tell me...' he finally pleaded as he scanned the corridor and the direction signs that hung from it's ceiling, to find nothing to lead him there...
Across the hall, in the nurses station stood Carl Adams. He had been there a while but had only just noticed Justin standing uncertainly next to his now closed room door. He tilted his head in curiosity at the uncertain nature and stance of the young man. Carl was there looking over some patients records that Cath had left behind for him after her shift had ended. Although his work was unrelenting and filled with patient after patient, his attention was on Justin. 'He shouldn't be walking about alone...' thought Carl as he noticed Justin grimace slightly as he turned and started, tentatively down the corridor. 'His ribs haven't even begun to heal yet...' ran through Carl's mind as he rounded the corner or the nurses station and out into the corridor, a mere ten or so meters away from a slowly disappearing Justin... But then, Carl remembered his duties, and turned back, only for a second, to the other attendees in the station...
"I'll be back in a minute. Make sure nothing happens while I'm gone!" smirked Carl to a colleague as he then turned back to Justin only to see the trailing edge of his form disappear out of sight and into the bowels of the hospital. Jonathan slowly made his way into the main body of the thoroughfare only to find no sign of him. He stopped and even looked behind himself, even though he knew that would be an impossible place to find him...
Carl decided almost instantaneously to pursue nevertheless. Justin was just two days into his rehabilitation, and that time would count for nothing if he reinjured himself in any way. Carl knew that the medication that was required earlier in the day had taken away the pain, but that it would return regardless if he injured himself anymore of if he remained out here any longer.
By this time, Justin had taken another turn in his aimless search for the Intensive Care Unit. The pains in his ribs and back were thankfully still absent. But the fatigue in his muscles and bones were more than evident, along with the dull throbbing in his head from all the medication that was flowing through his veins. The wall provided ample support when he needed it. He was also thankful that, 'For a hospital, this place sure feels as though it's getting empty...'
Not far behind, Carl had regained sight of him, and continued to follow. Justin carefully rounded one corner, then another, then another. The pursuit, was to Carl, an aimless one. Justin had walked in a complete circle and was fast approaching his own room again. The combination of lowering his head at every opportunity to combat the aches of his form, and his illiterate knowledge of the hospital layout had caused this.
"You might as well let me help you get there...It might happen a bit quicker." commented Carl from behind as he sped up his pursuit. Justin stopped instantly and leant against the wall. It took a second of composure but he turned his head and saw Carl approaching.
"Why do you say that?" Snapped Justin as he turned away
Carl was taken aback for a moment by the comment 'What got him so riled?', but he composed himself and continued...with a smile on his face (he was used to it as it was part of the job!)
"Because you see that room there...That's your room." pointed Carl as he stopped alongside a tired Justin.
All Justin could do was look down and sign... "Oh"
"I know where your going with that comment...Your so obvious!" said Joey as he looked the menu over, and over...
"I try my best... What is it to me if you see right through me?" smirked Cath as she tried to raise the atmosphere from the depths it had plunged.
"I guess it doesn't mean much...I'd have realized before long." surmised Joey as a waitress approached
"Are you two ready to..." started the waitress, but she stopped as soon as Cath's face entered her vision... "Hi there Cathy...I didn't expect to see you in here so soon...and what do we have here, a date, and about time too!" beamed the waitress as she looked Joey over and gave Cath an exaggerated wink...
"Mel!" blushed Cath as she looked daggers at her friend for a second. Moments later she looked slyly over to a silent Joey to gauge his reaction... 'I hope he didn't take it badly!' she thought as her gaze landed on Joey.
Joey's face went from normality to complete embarrassment in a matter of seconds and he could do nothing but look away from prying eyes. The comments hit a nerve, one which was close to the surface. 'A Date!' exclaimed Joey inside as he contemplated the words again... He had told Lance earlier that he liked Cath...but could that be? 'I've only known her for 2 days...It's nto as if anything can develop in that time. Can it?' thought Joey, still as his face looked towards the floor and not to Cath or Mel...
Cath's gaze was fixed on Joey for most of his contemplation. She had visually chastised Mel and turned her gaze to the person she wished hadn't taken the words of her friend to heart. Yes, she did want a date with Joey, but she wanted it in her own time, and on their own terms... '2 days isn't enough time...' she thought as she tried in vain to see something of his face as she looked on, but it was without success...Suddenly, in the pit of her stomach, an aching feeling hit her. The blushing and the turning away could only mean one thing to her right now, but the realization wasn't the one she was hoping for... 'He's embarrassed...he's embarrassed by me!' she screamed inside as Joey slowly began to bring himself back under control and his emotions under check...but when his head reached it's natural level, and his gaze to Cath's, he didn't know what he saw...
"Um...I think I'll have the urm...the Calzone Verde for a change..." stuttered Cath as she looked down at the menu as she relayed the information to Mel, whose look changed to one of concern over her friends sudden change in demeanour... Joey just looked on confusingly. He had seen the look of contentment and happiness on her face as they sat down to eat, but now, after that mis-timed comment, she looked distant and awkward... 'What she said really did affect her...' he thought, but then, upon pondering that, another notion entered his already littered thoughts... 'She didn't like it...' 'She didn't like what Mel said...' 'She's not interested...' 'Infact I bet she already has someone tucked away somewhere, so why would she bother with me.' questioned Joey rhetorically as he then looked down at the menu and concluded his choosing...
This would be a long meal for the both of them, and whether or not it a was a time to talk or not, it certainly was not turning out that way.
The warm air outside did little to soothe the ache inside for JC. The rapidly cooling coffee wasn't helping either. And Johnny's words certainly weren't. It seemed they were losing cohesion. The group as JC knew it was breaking at the seems. One incident, one life altering decision, and now this. JC ran the events of the other night through his mind again, for the umpteenth time. The same ending as always graced the conclusion. But now, as he sat looking down at the whirlpool within his coffee, it was all beginning to dawn on him. 'Was Johnny offering me a way out?' 'Could he see what was happening to us?' For over the past 48 hours, JC had only seen one other member of the once 'inseparable' NSync, and that member was laid in a bed back in the bowels of the hospital, Justin. He hadn't seen Joey since he left the room a while ago, but said nothing of any note. He saw Lance too but didn't exchange greetings or hugs like they usually did, and he most certainly didn't have any interaction with Chris. 'What did Johnny really mean?'
JC opened his wallet to search for some small amount of small change for another, hopefully warmer beverage to continue on with when his eyes connected with something. A certain 'something' measuring four inches square. A small smile appeared on his face as he tilted his head and stared at the object. It's shiny exterior betrayed the depth of it's meaning to JC. It took pride of place in his wallet, and in his heart. 'How could I ever forget!' mused JC as his mind and thoughts drifted away from his need for caffiene and towards the square object holding a place in his wallet. As his thoughts changed course, so did his mood, for a second atleast. Just the object, and what it meant to JC couldn't desway him from the reality of the situation.
"I need to get out of here..." whispered JC to no-one but himself as he stood slowly from the table and pulled his cellphone from his inside pocket and flipped it open. He instinctively dialed a number and put the phone to his ear as he turned to the exit and made his way out of the cafeteria...Then it connected...
The sirens became louder and more distinct. The rain became heavier and Jonathan could feel the wet penetrate his clothes and skin. Droplets of rain slid down his forehead and collected on his brow before bluring his vision as they cascaded infront of his already soaked eyes...
The crowd around seemed to dissipate instantly as he lifted his head away from his mother... The only figures he could make out as he sat back on his knees were the silhouettes of the approaching paramedics as they exited the ambulance.
"She's here!" he shouted as his wiped the moisture from his eyes and flicked his short hair back so that he could see clearly...
Moments later, they arrived and went straight to work...Jonathan watched for what seemed like minutes as they checked her breathing, her pulse, her vital statistics...but they were, as always, just mere seconds...
As he continued to look on he became irritated, and irrational. They were doing their job, but in slow motion... Jonathan's qualifications led him to know what was wrong, but even if he opened his mouth and shouted the truth to the world, they wouldn't hear him. To them he wasn't even there, but he didn't know that. The sight of his mom laid in the road, nearing death was the only thing that registered...and his anger and frustration was building exponentially. His eyes darted from point to point, from her closed eyes to her open hand, from her twisted leg to her matted hair...
'What are you doing...why aren't you helping her? WHY AREN'T YOU SAVING MY MOM?' screamed Jonathan as he raised himself to his feet...
Suddenly one of the paramedics noticed something in her that he hadn't before and signalled for something from the ambulance. Another paramedic darted off to the vehicle, but he couldn't ever go quick enough for Jonathan...
He returned with a set of medication and an instrument, and the other paramedic began the administration...
Jonathan froze... He had found it. He had found the route of the problem, and Jonathan knew it. He mentally crossed every bone in his body and every thought in his mind as he looked on, from above, waiting for something...anything...
Seconds ticked by, the wind ceased, and the rain dropped from the dark night clouds as if they were feathers falling from someones grasp to the floor...His eyes pierced the scene, never moving or faultering. the moments continued to pass, tick, tock,tick, tock...
'Please do something...' pleaded Jonathan as he moved a step closer, and then another until he was directly behind the silent and still paramedics... Another second passed, and nothing...
"Stay with me mom..." whispered Jonathan as he closed his eyes to try and blink away the approaching tears...
"We've got something..." shouted the paramedic as he leant over her body and felt a light breath on his cheek...Jonathan instantly shook himself into action as he looked back down, and his knees shook in fear as aswell as joy...
"Stay with me..." he again said as the paramedics began the process of lifting her shattered form and placing her in the ambulance, to be taken to the hospital, and safety...all Jonathan could do was follow...
"I never took you for the front runner in drinking competitions Lance..." said Chris as both he and Lance sat in a secluded bar nearby the hospital...The air of the bar was filled with fog and haze. The decor was dark and uninviting, and the company looked ragged to say the least.
"Did I ask you?" snarled Lance as he downed his sixth double...
Chris, who was still on his second shot of JD sat back in astonishment. Lance had come to him in almost a pleading manner for some time away from the hospital, and Chris was more than willing to oblige. 'Time out of that place is supposed to be good for both of us...' mused Chris as he gulped the rest of the drink down and prepared to collect his jacket and return to the grindstone.
"I think that should be your last Lance. Then I'll take you back to the hotel." commanded Chris as he stood from the booth and pulled his jacket on, awaiting a response from Lance...
"I distinctly remember..." started Lance before he stopped to compose himself and re-attach his speech box, and construct a sentence that wasn't filled with drunken mis-shaped words and phrases... "I distinctly remember being in my twenties, not in fucking kindergarden!" shouted Lance in a fit of anger as he then started to try and get out of the booth, with little success.
Chris stood upright in downright shock at his outburst. Being the calm, collected, and somewhat shy person he was, Chris never expected Lance to behave like that. He took a little look behind himself to check that the other patrons of the establishment hadn't cottoned onto their identity, and thankfully they didn't seem to have. When Chris returned his gaze to the table, Lance was nowhere to be seen, but a second later Chris heard the entrance clasp shut with a bang...He didn't need an invitation to pursue, and given Lance's somewhat shaky balance, he wouldn't have to break into much of a sweat to catch him up...
He opened the door and walked into the light to see Lance at the sidealk edge, emptying the contents of his stomach into the gutter, not a sight for the faint hearted, or for those who find they yawn when someone else does...(don't ask!!)
Lance looked jaded, and the anger that possessed his form moments earlier looked to have almost completely disappeared. As he wiped his mouth of the gooey material for the final time, his face revealed it's true colours...or lack of them. White, pasty skin covered his bones. Although Lance had always been linked with having pale white, somewhat ghostly skin in the past, that paled into insignificance with what he looked like now...His face looked devoid of any energy or vitality. He looked like Justin did when he arrived in the hospital, unconscious. Chris looked on in shock. He had never, in all the years of their friendship seen Lance like this. 'Shit' was all he could muster as he stood, side by side with him. He placed his hand on his shoulder and brought up the courage to speak.
"When you wake up in the morning, me and you are gonna have a little talk Lance." said Chris. He was never really good at this sort of thing. If the roles were reversed and he was completely drunk, and had something on his mind, then Lance, or JC would be the first to place their hand on his shoulder and support him, even if they didn't know what the problem was.
Lance just hummed a response as he finally summed up the energy to break his gaze from the floor, and raise his head. He became light headed as he reached level and Chris had to quickly steady him. Thoughts had never occupied Lances' mind in such abundant numbers before. Never before had such conflicting thoughts ever graced his mind either. Although his physical appearance and outward manner portrayed an inability to maintain oneself, his mind was completely sober. He stood there for a second and looked across the road. Cars darted past, blurring his vision occasionally, but the focus of his attention was the little park on the other side of the road. It wasn't anything special, nor did it look as though it had been used for a while, but that wasn't the reason he was looking at it...
Chris just stood there silent for that moment and tried to follow Lances' gaze to see the focus of his attention, but without success. He knew Lance could be focused, and passionate, but his focus scared him for a moment. 'What's got his attention?' he questioned as he silently watched...
Across the road, inside the park, across the grass, past the slide, through the swings, and on the wall at the other side: that was the focus of Lances eyes. Over an hour ago he had asked Chris to accompany him for drink. It was the friendly thing to do. He wasn't intent, originally, on asking anyone to go with him, but Chris just happened to be there, and he couldn't 'not' ask him. He didn't intentionally go out to get drunk either. 'A time away from this place' was his thought as he weaved his way through the corridors. Now? Now he was drunk, almost blind drunk. He felt sick, even having already been sick. Up until this moment he also felt alone. That was the largest fear that creaked his every bone, and seeped through every sinew of his body. His feelings, that he had spoken to an unconscious nobody earlier had always been kept inside, locked inside for a long time. Even his attempt to tell Joey fell flat on it's face before it had even passed through the starting gates. It seemed like a lost cause, and Lance knew that was where the drink came in. But across the street, on the old, somewhat haphazard looking brick wall, was a sign. It was a sign to Lance. Through the drunken vision, and with the intense need to close his eyes, and not open them again until the sickness disappeared, he suddenly felt a little better. He saw a collection of three words, written in clear red spray paint...But it wasn't just the words that had the impact, it was the feeling behind them...It was the realisation that whomever scrawled those words, on a cold dark and lonely night, felt the same as Lance... 'Good As You' were the words, and they reminded Lance in that instance that he was not alone, and that the world was filled with millions of people just like him, brought up on one notion, or idea, and ending up going against that to fulfill another... But above anything else, even if the alcohol adding to it's effects, he felt liberated, and had renewed vigour running through his veins...
"Good as you..." repeated Lance to himself but in real words in the real world, and Chris caught every one.
"What was that Lance...Lance?? You've got me worried man...What makes you think your not as good as me?" questioned Chris as he walked infront of Lance, and broke his stare. As he looked on as Lance stared off into nowhere he felt a need for resolution...When Lance uttered those words he could see a moment of clarity and soberness come across his face. He was worried 'What the hell happened to get him like this?' thought Chris...
Lance snapped out of his glare as soon as Chris passed through his vision. He looked deep into his eyes for a second and could see worry and confusion written on his face. Being sick and vomitting several minutes earlier had halped him sober up no end, and he could for once allow his body to move freely, and without great need for control. He simply raised his arm and pointed across the street to the park at the other side...He finger traced the words from afar for a second before Chris' eyes followed the line to the wall and he saw the words...
"Good as you?" Chris questioned as he looked at the words. Lance simply lowered his arm and motioned for them to leave and return to the hotel, for some rest and relaxation...
"It's just around this corner...you know if you'd have turned left earlier, you would gotten there..." said Carl as he guided a tentative Justin towards ICU. Justin didn't response. 'Why does he want to visit ICU? It's got to be to see Jonathan!' 'But Why?' was the eternal question. Carl watched as Justin guarded his ribs if it were the last thing he would give up in a fight. He also watched his face. He seemed to have a steel in it, a grit and determination. But for what, and to achieve what? Carl simply didn't know... But what he did know was why he needed to go to the ICU...
"What does seeing Jonathan have to do with this Justin?" questioned Carl. Silence prevailed for the next few moments as Justin let himself go from Carl's supporting grip. He had hit a nerve. He had hit it right on the nose. Justin had hoped to be able to get out of his room, and make his way to Jonathans room alone. JC's words earlier... 'I pushed him away' and 'I might have killed him' were all he could think about. Over a minute passed as Justin leant close to the wall with Carl close behind, awaiting his response...
All Justin did was place his left foot infront of his right and continue onwards. He didn't echo a response to Carl, nor did he intend ever saying anything. Words would fail him if he tried to lie, and he couldn't tell the truth... 'I haven't even seen him.' 'I haven't even spoken to him...' he thought as he walked ahead of a still Carl. These sights and sounds from within were new to Justin, and right now he knew he wouldn't be able to explain them to anyone, because he couldn't explain them to himself...
The bumps in the road jolted the carriage from side to side with monotonous regularity. The gentle rocking soothed the journey. The dim lights flickered in the static atmosphere within. The silence that prevailed within the enclosed cabin permeated every fibre that existed. His eyes never wavered for a second for the thirty minute journey. The constant and incessant noises that eminated from the machines that kept her alive were in the distance, out of focus, and out of reach for Jonathan as his vigil continued.
Here lied his mother. Here lied the reason for his being. As Jonathan continued to look on as if he were in a daydream, oblivious to all around, in the back of his mind there was always something. This something was a clue, a clue to the fact that this wasn't real... He could remember moments from the funeral, his speech, the days after the burial. He pushed them back as much as he could, and labelled them as freaks. He had never been through this before, and he couldn't explain the reason these future flashes were there...so he put them down to stress, and pain... 'I have to remain strong...I can't let it overcome me...' breathed Jonathan as he continued his watch.
Shortly later, and what seemed like eternity to him, the ambulance stopped. Before the engine could even contemplate ending it's work, the doors to the vehicle swung open and revealed and stary night sky and a blinding light...Jonathan blinked away the light, with the aid of his arm infront of his face. The light was piercing, and familiar, but he couldn't place his finger on the reason...
As he kept his eyes closed to the point of pain, he didn't realise a change in state. The leather backed seat within the ambulance that had held his silent and still form for thirty or so minutes changed to a wooden stand alone chair on a tiled floor...It changed seemlessly and without noise.
The painfully bright light faded slowly as he first, waited for it to subside, and then began to open his eyes. He expected a raft of people at the opening, dragging the trolley with all their might to get to his sick mother, but no... He opened his eyes to an empty room. The stark white walls and the bleached white floor, and the neat white covers echoed throughout the space, giving off an air of cleanliness and inhumanity. It's bleek and sterile look shocked Jonathan into action. 'What the fuck!' he exclaimed as he stood from the chair. He raised his head and looked towards the ceiling for a second before lowing it and scanning the room. A window, blocked by a curtain, white. The door, directly behind, white. A bedside cabinet, one door, white. His eyes finally rested on the bed infront of him. He looked it over in silence. A single bed, empty, white. He paused for several moments...He didn't know what to make of it...'Where am I?'
Justin continued to walk, now more freely than before, but several steps infront of Carl. Carl's words ran through his mind. Or more importantly the implication that came with the question ran through his thoughts. Justin didn't know what he was implying, but he had hit a sore spot and Justin could atleast admit that. The only implication Justin could see was that he had developed some sort of connection with Jonathan, a man he had never exchanged words with before. Was it a truth? 'Yes' finalised Justin. That was the reason he needed to see him, even if it was just to look at his frail and limp body...
Carl said nothing for a while. He had questioned whether or not asking the question would contitute crossing a line., and he now thought it was. He just observed. He watched the manner in which he walked, the manner in which he carried his head, and the noises and gestures that he made as he guided himself along the corridors. It was obvious to Carl that he was thinking, deeply. Every glance that was aimed Justin's way, and every gasp of recognition, went un-noticed.
They turned another corner and it was then in sight. Justin looked up as Carl guided him with one word "left" and there it was. A sign. "Intensive Care Unit" and Justin and Carl both knew they were close...It didn't take long for them to pierce the swinging doors and enter ICU. Jonathans Room was placed at the end of a row of four, and Justin could see the police officers stood outside the room and it confused him. He stopped just inside the doors as he looked on at them...Carl didn't take too long to come alongside. He stopped aswell. He waited for a moment before putting a hand on Justins shoulder.
"Come on...They'll let you in if you ask nicely." smiled Carl as he gestured with his eyes to Justin for him to move onwards...Justin just looked sideways to the gesture and smiled a small smile, and turned back to the room in the distance.
He continued look at the bed. It held some fascination for him and he didn't know why. He looked it over again and then he saw the difference, stood out like a sore thumb on the bed. He saw a bag, a sports bag, on the bed, and unzipped. He edged himself to the bottom of the bed and reached over and pulled it to him. He looked down at the contents and saw nothing but familiarity. Firstly he saw the shoes, bought for her by his father on her last birthday. 'She always wanted those shoes...Everytime we passed by the shop window she'd stop and look at them...She was so happy when she unwrapped the present and found them.' Their red hue had never faded from the moment they left the box, because she wouldn't let it. Jonathan smiled as he thought of this, fond memory. He moved the shoes to the side and saw the dress. The black, comfortable dress she always wore when out on a formal occasion. It didn't exactly go with her shoes, but she didn't care about that, and Jonathan knew that all too well. 'She doesn't take any shit!' he laughed inside as he pulled at the fabric for a few seconds and felt the careful thread slip through his fingers as he moved it aside. In moving the true black dress to the side he then unveiled something altogether different... As he brushed the soft fabric away his hand came into contact with a hard substance underneath. His knuckles hit the metalic object and he stopped. He looked carefully at the gold object sitting neatly on soft cushioned clothes and he thought. 'What is that doing here?' he questioned as his eyes traced the small and intricate patterns that adorned it's surface. 'She never takes it off...so what is it doing in here?' he again pondered. He could find no logical reason as to why she, his mother, would take this pendant from around her neck. She never removed it and vowed in the past to wear it through thick and thin...
"And even in death" Jonathan uttered in a whisper. But it was then that it hit him. There was only one logical reason for this to be. There was only one plausible reason for this pendant to be in her bag. The evidence mounted beyond comprehension when, at the side of the pendant, in the bag, was a wrist tag. This wrist tag, one worn by patients in a hospital, had his mothers name emblazoned on it. But it wasn't around her wrist anymore. The patient no longer required the identification, and she no longer required the pendant around her neck...
Jonathan's next breath caught in his throat as he realised the simple fact that his mother was no longer with them in this world. He seemed to hold that one breath for an age as he looked around the room again, and back down to the bag... "She's dead!" he said in a pleading, almost defeated voice...His mother was dead.
The heart monitor that tracked his unconscious voyage, but in the real world, changed for a second as it reflected his unconscious realisation. A large blip hit the monitor as his eyes, behind the closed lids, moved and revealed to reality, that he was still there...
Back within his dreamlike state, his breath had been released, and his eyes were closed. A small tear had formed and made it's way down his cold cheek, reflecting his emerging grief for his mother.
Suddenly a figure appeared gracefully at Jonathan's side. But Jonathan wasn't aware. He wouldn't have noticed anything, or anyone, whomever or whatever they might be at that moment. His eyes were fixed on the pendant...shining as bright as the day it was made...
"Bye Mom..." said the figure at Jonathan's side, and that was it. Jonathan's attention swiched instantly. The voice was more than familiar. It was beyond familiar. It was his... It was his voice, his words. When his gaze reached the figure to his side his questions gained answers and it seemed as if he were looking through a mirror... There, stood infront of him was none other than himself. Then, one single thought pattern echoed through his mind as he looked at an unresponsive self. He flashed back to the moment where his hands passed through his mother, and the feelings of deja vu in his mind. The pieces took a second to put together but when they did, he finally knew what his place was. And it was a shock. It was a shock to realise that what you have experienced throughout this ordeal, all the tears and fond memories of the past, were nothing. They were simply nothing because he wasn't really there...He didn't exist...
The shock of this sent a rift of manic blips through his heart monitor and as if he were being exposed to the light of day the first time, he opened his eyes...to the real world, to where he was meant to be...and he saw the one constant in his unconscious life, the one thing that remained in his mind the entire time...and that constant was looking back at him from the end of his bed...
Ah well...the time has come again...The end of the chapter is upon us, but never fear, chapter 7 is nearing completion, and it will be with you all shortly...
I hope you enjoyed the ending, and finally the two meet again, so where will it go from here? Will Jonathan remember enough? Will Justin open his mouth and say something? Will everyone find out?
Well...Hopefully with answers to those and a whole lot more, stay tuned and talk to yall laterz...
Remember to email me and let me know what you think at grimstone@btinternet.com or ujemeflip@hotmail.com
Take care and enjoy life to the fullest!!
DCG