Singing Through Siren Sounds

Singing Through Siren Sounds Chapter 5

Singing Through Siren Sounds, Chapter 5

“You OK?” Pompey asks me.

“I’m cool…”

It was the next day and after class, I head rehearsal with the boys at the old building. Taz isn’t there yet and Kesean is on the phone with his girlfriend. That left me and Pompey. And the way Pompey’s looks at me shows that I’m not doing a good job hiding my concern about what happened.

“Back there at the Rush party, I went back to get Taz’s phone,” I explain, “And those white boys. They damn near attacked me.”

“Man really?” Pompey asks.

I nod, “They were coming at me. One of them is threatening to release a sex tape of me and Coin...you know...being intimate if I tell my homeboy about his girlfriend cheating. And he wanted one more thing.”

“What?

“He didn’t want the band performing.”

It was the truth. Andrew had threatened me right to my face saying that if I didn’t keep his secret about him and Celine he’d release the tape. Then out of nowhere, he talks about the band too. And it’s only when I agree that he escorts me out there making sure none of his racist ass friends messed with me.

One thing that was clear by how they backed down was that Andrew had a lot of pull in this school. People listened to him.

And that worried me.

“Don’t tell Taz,” Pompey warns me.

“Of course not. I’m not stupid,” i state.

We both knew how Taz was. And the truth is I can almost see Pompey has the same worries about me about all this.

“This shit is getting kinda hot man. Maybe...the band isn’t the best thing right about now…”

I shake my head, “I know. Taz wants it though.”

“He thinks he has something to prove,” he explains to me.

I’m confused, “What do you mean?”

That’s when Pompey gets serious with me, “Taz. He’s not even all black. He’s biracial. His dad was a white man who just ran out on him and his mother. He has some issues with white people. Some real anger there. I got to ride with my boy. Because he’s my boy. But you got to go to school with these people. I can understand you not wanting to take up this fight.”

I hadn’t known about Taz’s background with being biracial and whatever demons were caused. But thinking about it did make sense.

“I don’t know…”

“You don’t know what?”

It’s Taz who walks in. He has this look on his face that is just as cocky as ever. Taz always seemed so confident. He always seemed like he knew exactly what was happening and always had some control. Even surrounded by enemies he had no fear. Apart of me wishes I had that same kind of confidence.

“Nothing,” I back down, “We just wondering what song we should practice.”

He shrugs, “Some Luther Vandross.”

Pompey seems confused, “Why him?”

“It means something to me and Dijon.”

He walks up on me. And not just like in a normal way. Not in the way two straight guys walk up to each other. His eyes are smoldering me. His eyes melting into mine makes me feel as though he is fucking me by just staring. It’s clear that if he ever cared what Pompey had to say about us that was fading relatively quickly.

“Y'all doing the most,” Kesean states out of nowhere.

He is uncomfortable and the only thing that would make him uncomfortable is how gay. Taz seems when he almost pushes his body right up on me. He backs up a little bit.

Just as things are getting hot my phone rings. I turn at that moment and see the name on my phone. When I look up Taz is looking at my phone as well.

He sees the name and he wants me to know he sees it.

“I gotta take this...”

“Really?” He asks.

“It’s just a moment,” I respond.

The look Taz gives me is one that makes me swallow my spit a little bit. It’s just intense. He had a way of cussin someone out without even saying a word. It’s sexy, frightening, and just straight up Taz. I’m surprised he just doesn’t pull me back or something.

I step off towards the exit and walk out. I notice the windows are a little broken so I walk a little further.

“Wren...sorry about that.” I say on the phone.

I can hear his handsome suburban boy accent through the phone as he replies, “Yo did you hear the news?”

“What news?”

“It’s all over the media man. The school is getting real hype about it. They are mad…”

He wouldn’t have. He didn’t. The way Wren is talking was as though something had dropped.

“It’s a sex thing isn’t it” I ask.

“Yeah. Thought you didn’t know.”

I shake my head angrily. The fucking asshole still released the video. I’m so angry that I’m shaking. I can barely hold the phone. I’m brimming with so much anger. Anger that I’d never felt before. Andrew and I made a deal and he’d still released the video. Anger that made me want to scream at the top of my lungs some shit that Wren might take offense to.

“Your girlfriend fucked Andrew!” I blurt out.

“What?”

“I saw them. I caught them fuckin Wren.”

I immediately regret it. I should have let him know. I don’t regret telling him. It’s how I’m telling him that’s all wrong. I should be more sympathetic. Or maybe I should have just told him right away instead of making this stupid deal with a racist white boy who I didn’t trust.

“Um…lemme...lemme call you back,” he mutters.

“Wren wait..”

He doesn’t wait. He hangs up the phone almost immediately. I think about calling him back but settle for a CALL ME BACK text instead. I’m still so upset about hearing what the hell Andrew did in the first place.

I start walking angrily back to the group but overhear a bit of an argument.

“He’s Coin’s fucking boyfriend!” Pompey pushes at Taz.

“I know who the fuck Dijon is!” Taz rages right back.

The tension between them was dynamic. Taz seemed to have a beef with most everyone he met but this one with Pompey was a long-standing brewing pot of emotion. I’d noticed it from the first time I’d seen them with each other. A feeling like something was missing in their group dynamics. That thing must have been Coin. That tension that I felt between them bubbled over at this point.

I run up to them, “What’s going on?”

“This shit going on between you and Taz hit the fan,” Kesean states shrugging his shoulders, “What’s it look like?”

“Nothing’s going on between me and Taz…”

Pompey shakes his head, “He already said…”

I look over at Taz, “You told him?”

Taz shrugs, grunting and circling us with his hands in a fist, “Yeah I told him I kissed. So what? I kissed you and I liked it. So the fuck what? He can’t beat me…”

Some guys came out of the closet reluctantly and then some guys barely had a gay experience that came out of the closet like Taz did. The thing is I don’t think he even knew what was going on between us at this point because I didn’t know. That didn’t stop Taz from circling around Pompey.

“He ain’t even gay, Dijon!” Pompey barks, “I know this boy. It’s all about the fact he wants to be Coin so bad.”

“Man you acting like this is some soap opera bullshit,” he states, “It wasn’t planned. It happened. So the fuck what? You want me to do what? Go in Coin’s grave and ask if it’s OK…”

That’s when Pompey swings at Taz. Taz ducks the attack and swipes Pompey with a hard jab to the chest. I have to grab Taz from the back and put him in a bear hug to get him off Taz.

You would think the jab would make Pompey realize that Taz is a fighter and not a talker but he keeps going.

“He JUST died, nigga!” he states shaking his head, “Clearly his boyfriend is vulnerable at this time and here you come starting mess like you always do.”

Taz shrugs, “It is what it is.”

And that was Taz for you on a platter. It was what it was. He was unapologetically him and anyone who had a problem with him could catch these hands. That’s just how Taz rolled. And I think Pompey already knew that.

Taz is ready to go another round. Somehow he has taken off his shirt and is flexing with his hands palmed ready to brawl again.

This is why I’m surprised Pompey is pushing this issue so much.

“We should have done better by Coin. All of us should have done better by him.”

He was devastated. Crying. The emotion was real. It was a reminder of exactly how deep the bonds of these brothers were. Losing one of their own was still hurting them. It was still killing them.

Taz seems to calm down when he sees the tears. He just “Don’t be mad about where I want to stick my dick. You mad? Good. Be mad. Be mad about the police.”

I nod against Taz, “He’s right. These pro-cop Republicans won’t stop. They just released a video of me and Coin.”

“Wait what?” Taz asks.

I just realize who I’m telling this to. Taz was shirtless. His light bright sandy toned skin was outlined with tattoos and his jeans hang so low that I can see his deep v-cut abdomen and the beginnings of pubic hair.

I can see Pompey shaking his head at me for letting this out. He shrugs, “You might as well tell him now…”

He still had some reluctance in his voice.

“There’s this frat boy at school. Andrew,” I explain to him, “He’s one of Wren’s friends.”

“Yeah, I remember that dick head. What about him?”

“He threatened me after the party. Said he’d release the sex tape with me and Coin. And today he did.”

Taz is quiet. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him quiet before. But he was dead quiet. It scared me almost immediately. Kesean wasn’t much better. He starts pacing back and forth.

“His family is still mourning! My homie’s family is still mourning and they want to disrespect his memory?” Kesean asks.

He’s so angry that he’s shaking at that point. Taz just keeps looking at the ground. Pompey is quiet too. I wonder at that moment had I made a mistake saying something. Had I been too quick on the trigger.

“Everyone calm down,” I start.

“You should go. Me and my boys gotta talk,” Taz states in a tone only a little higher than a whisper that surprises me and causes me to desperately shake my head

“Listen don't do anything crazy…”

”GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!” Taz barks at me in this aggressive way that causes my heart to start beating fast.

I want to say something else. I wanna argue with him or do something that would make this moment a little less tense. But that was the thing. I knew a different side of Taz.

And this side of him scared me.

~

I have no choice but to leave. I think the aggressiveness in Taz’s tone is something that unsettles me but the truth was a part of me wanted Andrew to get what was coming to him. Kesean was right. Andrew had gone against the grain by releasing a sextape of a dead man. His family didn’t even know he was gay. If he wanted them to know there were other ways. Other ways besides releasing a sex tape of him.

When I get back to the room I’m still infuriated. I’m so infuriated that when I get back to the dorm room and see Wren I don’t even speak. He says hello but I just walk past him and lay on the bed. It feels like the entire world is on my shoulders.

“You OK?” he asks me.

“Yeah just been a long day.”

“Who you telling? I broke up with my girlfriend today.”

I sit up on the bed at that moment and take a look at Wren, “Oh fuck, I’ve been so selfish. You’re going through something too…”

I probably shouldn’t have looked at him. It would have been safer just to keep my head down and fall asleep. I realize just how sexy Wren looks as he’s staring back at me. He has on his rugby gear. I’d seen him and his friends around campus and I had to admit there was something about these rugby players. I think it's the rugged manliness of them. Y'know, broad shoulders, strong arms, big hands, deep voice, etc.

“No with the news from earlier I think we are both going through things,” he states, before pausing and saying, “I wish I could be here for you. But I have a game.”

“No...go do your thing. I’m fine.”

He smiles at me. I smile back. There was this weird little thing that happened with each other in this room when we were alone. This calmness fell over us and made both of us feel as though we understood each other even though we were so different from one another.

He starts heading to the door wearing these blue shorts that cling to his ass. I can’t help but to stare as he walks out of the door. The way the shorts cling to his asscheeks put me in a daze. The way his broad backfills out his shirt makes me drool. He was so effortlessly sexy and the thing about it was how kind he was.

He turns. Just in time to catch me staring at his ass. If he notices, he doesn’t seem to care because he quickly adds in, “You know...usually...Celine would come to my rugby games and cheer me on. It really helps me a lot…”

I’m not sure what he’s trying to say here but I go ahead and assume.

“I can come.”

Luckily enough there was a smile on his face. I’d hit the nail on the head, “I’d love that.”

~

I don’t know how it happens but later that day I end up at his game. None of it makes sense but I don’t think a gay guy like me was watching this to get anything out of it except clear attraction for these boys. There was nothing sexier and more relieving than seeing 30 dirty, muscular men grapple each other in the mud.

I don’t know much about what’s going on but the loudness and aggressiveness of Wren makes me feel like maybe he has a reason to show off tonight. Or maybe that was just my gay mind playing tricks on me.

.

As I’m watching the game I get a text from Taz.

He just sends: Yo. Sorry about talking to you like that earlier.

I responds: It’s cool. Emotions were high.

There is a moment where he pauses. The Rugby game is over and the players are being sent to the lockers. I find myself walking down and realize I’m getting the same stares that I’ve gotten everywhere. The truth was I never would have been comfortable in this school at any point. Things weren’t any better now.

I make my way outside the fence and I’m just standing there when Taz finally responds.

He responds: I got something for you.

I’m confused: What is it?

As soon as I send the text I see Wren coming out of his game. He is shirtless and running up to me. The weird thing is he isn’t alone. His friend Vance is with him. At this point, I’m just glad it’s not Andrew with him.

“Hey wassup Dijon…”

“Wassup…”

“When Wren said you were out here I just had to come out man. What happened at the party wasn’t cool with them booing the n-word anthem.”

“Negro anthem?” I ask, with a sideways smile, “You can say Negro, Wren.”

“You sure?” Vance shrugs and looks at Wren who shrugs right along with him, “Well regardless. It shouldn’t have been boo’d. I think people were just offended because they say we all should have one anthem. I just needed to tell you that. It wasn’t racist, it was just southern pride. People aren’t racist at this school. It’s not the 1950s.”

When he looks me in my face and says that I am just making up the experience I’ve had in this school was almost shocking. Every part of me just wants to snap on him but I have to remember Vance was one of the good ones like Wren. The ones who really didn’t see the racist shit the others did as racist. They lived so far in this bubble that they were ignorant of what black people could really find offensive.

My car was set on fire for god sakes. How was this not racist?

“Yeah OK.”

“Cause you know?” he keeps going, causing even Wren to put a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to shut his friend up but his friend doesn’t get the message.

Wren shakes his head, aggressively, “Maybe we should...cut this short….”

“I was just going to say that people can be pro-black...and pro-police too. Because cops are just trying to protect all of us you know. They don’t see color. Honestly I didn’t even notice I was black when I met you. I don’t see color.”

I raise an eyebrow, “Oh you don’t?”

“Nah. That’s just the media trying to tear us apart. That’s why I don’t like the Black lives matter thing. Because we’re all the same man. All lives matter.”

He came at me with the All Lives Matter. I stand there watching this man as though I could choke him in the kindest way possible.

I bite on my tongue. I know he doesn’t mean anything by it but I don’t know how I can handle this situation without making a tense situation. I don’t want to start another fight with another white boy. He reminded me of Wren. They could be offensive in a way without knowing they were. They had an innocence about them though. I honestly don’t believe Vance meant anything by it. But everything he said to me was just so damn offensive.

“All lives will matter,” Wren seems to agree with him to my shock but then surprisingly adds in, “Once black lives matter. I don’t see any reason we shouldn’t acknowledge the term Black Lives Matter.”

I’m surprised that Wren has this point of view honestly. I’m surprised he challenged Vance in the way he does. I’m pleasantly surprised.

Vance wants to argue. I can see it on his face. But right when he opens his mouth a truck full of rugby players roll by. The call out for Vance and Wren to go with them.

“Oh shit, Wren we were going to hang with the team…”

“Nah,” he states, “I think I’m gonna hang with my roommate tonight.”

I don’t think his friends expect him to say that. The truth is I don’t expect Wren to say that either. I expected him not to go because he did seem a little vulnerable since his break up. But the fact that he uses me as his excuse is even more interesting.

As his friends leave he turns to me and surprisingly says, “Sorry for my awkward ass friend…”

“I feel like you kinda getting me…”

He laughs, “I’ve been listening to the protesters. They are all on television. It’s hard not to listen to them and take in a little bit of what they are saying.”

“I wish more people around here would…”

“You should come to this Protest Debate forum and say that,” he explains to me, throwing his arm around me, “You’d be good at it.”

I jerk when he throws his arm over me. I just don’t expect it. I mean from guys I knew in the hood it was normal, but I never had a white friend who ever was touchy-feely with me. I’d had white friends before but they were just standoffish as though they never really got that comfortable. He was the first one.

“What do I smell? Sorry for the mess,” he states, “I usually shower after the games but didn’t want to keep you waiting. Did you enjoy it?”

My dick was still hard seeing all those guys grinding up against one another like that. A part of me is struggling to just look at Wren running up to me now. I don’t want to seem like that creepy gay guy who is obsessed with his straight roommate though so I try my best to just play it off as best as I can.

“It was cool…” I shrug, “You guys did your thing.”

“That’s the thing,” he sighs, “Rugby isn’t my thing. It was actually my dad who got me into it when I was younger?”

“Officer McHenry?” I remind him.

He nods, “Yeah. Him. He was never really there for me. But he didn’t mind paying money to get strangers to teach me how to play the whitest sport known to man.”

We find each laughing at that moment. It was a moment of levity about race that I barely got to experience anymore. The truth was I knew all white people weren’t racist. I wasn’t a fuckin idiot. Most of the people who came out to protest after Coin’s death were white. But Wren wasn’t from that group of white people. He wasn’t with the COOL white people. He was born and raised around white people who knew nothing about black people. He was supposed to be uncomfortable around me, but he just wasn’t…

The smile that he has on his face is something genuine. It’s something that means the world to me when I see it.

“Well maybe another white sport will be your thing. Maybe hockey or Nascar racing…”

“Why do I only get to be good at white things?” he asks.

“You’re white. What would people think if you started playing basketball?”

“If I care what people think I wouldn’t be friends with you,” he states, but then pauses realizing how what he said could come off and says, “I didn’t mean anything by that.”

It was one of those few moments of honesty though hearing him say what he said. I’d been wondering how it was coming off to other people that he was friends with me. If they acted anything like how Wren acted then it was clear that he was getting it from all sides.

It makes me struggle, “Why is it your friends with me? Regardless of what people think?”

It’s something that I really wanted to know.

He shrugs, “I think diversity is good. I think it’s something to be celebrated. Like for instance, I think your black skin is...I dunno...beautiful. I hope it doesn’t sound weird but sometimes I just stare at how amazing your complexion is. It’s like smooth chocolate…”

I don’t know how to feel about that initially. I just end up smiling. We’re walking through campus together. It’s nighttime by now so there aren’t a lot of people walking around. For a while, it just seems like him and me. He should stink from the game, but he doesn’t. So we end up walking shoulder to shoulder. And when he makes the comment about my skin I find myself blushing adding some red to that chocolate.

Just at that moment, I get a text message from Taz.

He just sends: Guess what’s in the trunk.

And there is just a message with a picture of Taz’s trunk. Two seconds later another pictures comes through with a tied up naked man in the trunk. All of a sudden I start to freak out wondering what the fuck is happening.

“Isn’t Andrew on your rugby team?” I ask Wren.

I could have sworn that I’d seen Andrew wearing rugby shorts at some point. I could have been completely wrong but I had no idea.

Wren nods, “Yeah. He didn’t show up though. Weird.”

“Maybe he was hiding out after the video came out?”

That’s when Wren looks at me as though he is completely confused at that moment. He twists his face and says, “What video?”

I’m confused as well. We end up staring each other down in the darkness and I’m just shaking my head.

“The video! You know? The video that was released of me and Coin having sex…”

Wren was the one who called and told me about it.

“I never said anything about a video,” he shrugs, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I stop talking. I’m a bit more shocked at what was happening. Wren just looks at me as though he was confused about the video but I remember the conversation that we had earlier. He told me that it was the video. Right? No. He was about to tell me something. He was about to tell me something and I just assumed that it was something else.

“You said that something was released…”

“Yeah,” He nods, “But I never said a video.”

“What was released?”

He sighs, “You don’t know? There was news that my dad actually knew your boyfriend...personally. People around the school are saying that it had nothing to do with race.”

“That’s impossible. Coin didn’t know any cops.”

“That’s what the media was saying. Nothing about a sex tape…”

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I grab my phone and call Taz. Just at that moment, I see something that looks familiar in the distance. A car is riding around in the area. It looks suspicious enough for me to pay attention to it. It isn’t until we walk closer in the car’s direction that I see it pull over and realize that this car looks familiar. Really familiar. And it’s parked at the top of a hill near my dorm. It’s parked next to some thick trees as though trying to conceal itself.

It was Taz’s car.

“I have to go,” I state.

“You do? You’ve been gone so much,” Wren states, “Was hoping we can just chill. Watch some tv or…”

All I could see in my head is that man in Taz’s trunk. Right now I couldn’t deal with this.

“Just give me a quick minute ok?” I ask.

I don’t give him a chance to respond before darting out into the darkness up the hill towards the shaded area of the parking lot. Sure enough as I approach the car in the darkness I see Taz. He’s on the phone when he sees me running up.

“What are you doing?” I ask him, “You fucking kidnapped him?”

“Relax. We gagged him, took a couple of pictures. We’re going to let him go. Kesean is watching him right now.”

“Let him go Taz. The video wasn’t released…”

“What?”

“You heard me. He didn’t release the videos…”

“We’ll let him go…”

“Now Taz!”

I don’t know why I get so worked up but I just realize how crazy it is that Taz actually kidnapped this guy. I run up to the car and see Kesean and Pompey see me running up. Kesean is asleep and Pompey is playing music. Neither of them seem concerned that there is a fucking man tied up in the trunk.

“Pop the trunk…”

“Yo you don’t run shit over here,” Taz argues with me.

“Taz please....” I argue.

Taz reluctantly grabs the keys out of Pompey’s hands. The four of us gather around the trunk. He pops the trunk…

And we’re just sitting there looking at this man lying completely still in the trunk.

“He’s not moving,” I state.

“He’s sleep?” Kesean asks.

“No he isn’t fucking asleep,” I state looking down at Andrew’s body in that car trunk, “He’s not moving.”

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