Singing Through Siren Sounds

Singing Through Siren Sounds Chapter 10

“Welcome to Revolution.”

Pompey, Kesean and I are lead about two blocks down to another warehouse.   As soon as we get in I realize this place is packed with people.   They are all gathered in this place like a pack of sardines. A lot of them have bandannas around their mouths.   Others are walking around with ski masks or full on body paint.   This isn’t their first time in this place.  You can tell by how they move around.  There’s a lot more people than I know.  

There were a good 50 people in the room at once...men and women.  

“These are just the people that are here right now.  We got more numbers.  All over the city,”  Taz states.

Numbers?  Of course he should have numbers if this was a protest.   There were thousands of protestors out there.  What did he mean by he had numbers?   I notice these people don’t look like the protestors who are out in the streets after Coin’s death either.   Those protestors were mixed crowds.   Black and white people were outraged about Coin’s death.  This wasn’t a mixed crowd.   There were only blacks.  Coin’s death had caused something in the neighborhood and these people were the fruit of that tragedy.  

“So this what you been sneaking off to all the time?” Kesean asks, “I thought you were doing some gay shit wit Dijon.”

Taz turns around and looks at me.  He has this real intense look on his face.   All around him I see people organizing.  Was this some sort of protest organization.   I’m not sure.  Either way I’m impressed Taz is able to pull this off.  

He knows I’m impressed.  He has the same cocky Taz look on his face.  The look that he gives me whenever he got really aggressive with me and studies my reaction as though I’m some patient on his surgery table.

“Nah he’s been too busy with the white boy...when he should have been by MY side, starting this to get justice for Coin.”

He shames me and it hits me.  It hits me as hard as a brick through the chest.   It was as though he was accusing me of betraying not only my race and my culture, but also Coin’s memory.  Taz has a way of getting aggressive with me in that way.  He has a tendency to make me feel naked and vulnerable at times.

Times like now.

I tuck the shame away and just nod, “This is impressive, Taz…”

At this point we have gotten closer into his operation.   We start seeing the type of stuff that people are packing in all black bags.   These aren’t the type of protestors with signs.    No.   These people had spray paint,  firecrackers, bats, hammers, chains and all this other dangerous looking shit that seemed  this was going to be on something next level.

All of a sudden I go from impressed to immediately concerned.

And I’m not the only one.

“Molotov cocktails?”  Pompey points out from a box openly displayed in the warehouse, “Ya’ll are out here making fucking Molotov cocktails!”

Pompey is loud and freaking out causing a bunch of people to turn towards him.  From the looks of it Pompey knew some of these people.   I didn’t know any of these people but I was still just as shocked at just what kind of operation this is.

“Taz what is all this?” I ask, “What are you doing with all this stuff?”

Taz puts this half smirk on his face and shrugs, “It looks like Officer McHenry is going to get off for what he did to Coin.  The media is spinning the story to make it seem like Coin was type of pervert instead of focusing on the fact that the sex was with McHenry’s son.  We going to go up to that school of yours and get our own justice.”

“What does that mean?” I ask, “What does get your own justice mean?”

“You know what the fuck he means Dijon,” Pompey states, “He’s doesn’t care about the trial.  Fuck the trial.  He’s going to take justice into his own hands.”

Kesean shakes his head, “You go out there start destroying their property and you think those students won’t come out?  You think they won’t try to defend their school?”

Taz shrugs, “Let ‘em come.”

He has a bat in his hand at that moment.  

“You released your dead friend’s sex tape...so you can start a RIOT!”  Pompey asks, so loud and aggressive that I think he’s going to lunge at Taz, “I should fuck you up.”

Just then we realize just how much sway Taz has gotten from this movement of his.   People see to turn on Pompey.  They stop working.  They stop doing what they are doing.  The threat Pompey made hit hard for people who would clearly defend Taz if need be.    Taz had always been charismatic.  He was able to get people to feel something when he was around.  He was able to inspire emotion.  Good or bad.   That was his superpower.

“You ain’t gonna do shit,” Taz states, smiling cockily noticing Pompey is about two seconds from getting jumped if he said the word.

“His mother was in that crowd!”  Kesean barks at Taz.

“This sextape proves that they knew each other.   You think I wanted to release that?  My black friend getting ‘dominated’ by the son of the man who killed him?  You think I had a choice?   McHenry was winning his case.   This tape might have been evidence that McHenry didn’t only target Coin because he was black.  He targeted him because he was black and gay.”

“McHenry never saw the tape,” I correct him, “He found out that Coin and his son had sex becuase he saw the messages in the app they talked on.”

“Well there’s no proof he saw those messages.   And according to the judge there is no proof he saw the tape either…”

I shake my head.  It occurs to me what’s about to happen.

All of a sudden tears fill my eyes.

“McHenry is going to walk...isn’t he?” I ask.

“People are saying the judge is going to dismiss the case early next week,”  Taz states.

Now I realize why people in this warehouse were working the way they were working.  They all had these angry looks on their faces.  All of them looked like they were ready to tear everything down.  They all knew now that McHenry was going to walk and honestly I was just learning.  So I had to stand there for a moment and think about how I felt.  How did this hit me?  It curdled my stomach and made me peel over, grasping onto my knees for a breath.   The tears keep accumulating at the ends of my eyelids.

“This can’t be happening,” I state.

“So you released the tape for nothing?” Pompey asks Taz shaking his head.

“I TRIED something,” Taz states, “I TRIED to get my boy justice by doing that.  I’m still trying.  What the fuck are you doing but being a little bitch?”

Pompey shakes his head, “There’s a difference between protesting and whatever the fuck you about to do here man.   I don’t want no parts in that.”

“Bro you really losing it.  You bout to ruin your life,” Kesean tells Taz.

Taz just looks back at him.  He didn’t care.   He was doing it for a reason.  He doesn’t respond and I think he says so much in his non-response.    

“C`mon ya’ll…” Pompey states.

A few steps in it’s Kesean who turns around to me and says, “Dijon, c`mon.  Let’s get out of here…”

I think they realize I’m not coming when I just stand there and stare down at the ground at that moment.   They were upset about what Taz was going to do but in my body I was just numb.  I was numb to the fact that with all the evidence and even with my testimony that everyone said was so compelling that Officer McHenry was going to walk for for what he did to Coin.

“You got to be fucking kidding me,” Pompey states, “No.  I prayed to Coin promising him I’d look out for you.  You are not sticking around here.”

He tries to come towards me but that’s when Taz gets in his way.

“You wanna leave, then go ahead.  Get your punk ass on.  But he’s good.”

Pompey looks angrily past Taz.  Maybe if Taz was alone he’d try to fight him, but even 1on1 I wasn’t sure Pompey could take Taz.  He’s powerless in that moment and he reluctantly accepts that turning to and just pointing hard.

“Dijon.  I’m warning you now.  Taz is all spark right now.  He just wants to see something burn.  He don’t care if it’s that school.  He don’t care if it’s Wren.  He just wants to see something burn.  He don’t care if it’s YOU!”

This wasn’t all about Taz to me.  This was more than Taz.   He didn’t understand.  Officer McHenry was going to get off.  

Pain drafted into me like a breeze.  It filled me up.  This deep pain even thinking about the fact that that piece of shit who didn’t care even the slightest about human life was going to be able to walk free from all of this.  

“You guys weren’t there that night,” I tell Kesean and Pompey, “You didn’t see what I saw.  I’ll have to live with that memory forever.”

Kesean grabs Pompey’s arm and says something like, “You can’t save him.   He’s under Taz’s spell.”

It’s sad that they simplified it to something so trivial as that without really taking the time to understand where I was coming from.   They don’t know how angry, lost and hurt that it still made me feel till the day.  Till this day anytime I hear a siren I almost want to piss myself.  It hurts that bad.  

When they leave Taz puts his hand over my shoulder.  He pulls me close to him.  Our foreheads touch and I hear him breathe with me for a little bit.  It’s intimate.  Probably one of the few times he’s ever shown a tenderness to me in this way.

“I’m glad you stayed,” he states.

“I support you.  Let’s do this.  Not at my school though,” I state, “Let’s do it somewhere else.  There’s so many targets.  We can burn this whole city down together.”

“You turning me on,” he states licking his lips, “But it has to be that school.”

I pause.   There’s only one reason.

“You trying to go after Wren?” I ask.

“You trying to protect Wren?” he asks in return, “That’s McHenry’s son.  So yeah.  I have to do what I have to do.”

“You don’t have to hurt him,” I state, “Remember what happened to Andrew.  We dodged a bullet.”

“And I’m ready to load another one.”

“What?” I ask.

“You wanna protect your white boy, there’s one way you can stop this,” he explains to me, “But you got until tomorrow night to do it.”

“To do what?”

“Get Officer McHenry’s address from his son.”

I look at the expression in Taz’s eyes.  They are serious.  And then I remember the mention of a bullet earlier.  I looked over at Taz wondering if he would go that far.  Had he gone that far before.   Were these the eyes of a killer?

“No.  Hell no…”

“This man is going to get away with this.  He’s going to probably move.  Start a new life.  He’s a murderer.   Coin doesn’t get to start over.  He doesn’t get to live his life.  Coin is in the grave,” Taz tells me.

I hesitate.

“Taz...I don’t know about this.”

“We follow him.  We sneak up on him.  We end this.”

He had a point.  He had a really good point, but the heaviness of this was shocking.  If I could get revenge for the one thing in my life I wanted revenge for---would I take it?   I didn’t have a clue at that moment.

~

The address.  

How the hell was I supposed to get the address when we weren’t talking to each other.  Normally I get all this attention when I walk into a room but today was different.  Wren barely even looks me in my eyes when I walk into the room.

He walks past me to turn off the television and we brush up against each other.  Chest against chest as I pass over to my bed.  Still not a single word to me.  

He comes and lays back on the bed.  He shuffles around a little bit.  I do the same. There is this awkward dance going back and forth where I want to say something to him and I feel like he may want to say something to me but neither of us are humble enough to just be the first to crack the shells.

I can’t take it anymore, “I’m....”

I get up.   He is so ready for me to start talking that he sits up immediately and turns his entire body to me.   It makes me nervous and maybe it’s the intense way that he stares at me but I chicken out.

“I’m going to take a shower.”

“Oh…”

I head to the shower.   I turn the water on and make sure it’s completely steamy in here.   My mind is full of thinking about everything that is happening again.  Tomorrow night Taz and his people were going to come to the school.  And they were going to cause a real fucking stir unless I stopped it.  And the only way that I could stop it was giving up McHenry.

Or I could do something else.

I could call the cops.  

The thought of giving Taz up to the police is so frightening that it drives me into the blur.  I don’t even realize the bathroom door opening or the curtain opening up until it’s too late.

“Can I join you?” Wren asks.

I don’t expect him to be here.  He’s looking at me, humble in a way.   I don’t know what made him do it but he’s standing there completely naked.  His broad arms grasp onto mine when I nod and he steps into the shower.   He closes the shower stall and the fumes from the shower engulfs us.  It’s not a big shower so we are close.  Our bodies pressed up against one another.  He looks sexy wet.  The water causes his eyes to shrink and his lips to get extra pink.   His blonde hair laps over his face like strings of gold.  I study him and for some reason I imagine he’s studying me back.

“I’m sorry about earlier…” I tell him.

“I’m sorry too,” he responds, “I care about you.  And I should have been more sensitive to you.  I shouldn’t have interfered with the situation with you and Taz.”

“You care about me?”

That was one part that stuck out.  He smiles back at me.   He doesn’t have to say it.  He begins to prove it at that moment.   He begins sucking me softly on the neck.  His lips form a circling and his tongue laps around my skin over and over driving me crazy.  I feel his fingers tracing up the sides of my thigh and my ass.  I can feel his fingers at the entrance of my asshole as he holds one leg up wrapped in his heavy bicep.

“Damn…”

He fingers me first slowly until I can take it.  Then he gets low in the shower and begins to swipe his tongue back and forth against the crack of my ass.  I struggle to find something I can cling to in the shower.  Anything in the shower would be awesome to feel at that moment.  But I can’t find anything.  I’m left flailing by his tickling wet tongue as it struggles to push itself deeper and deeper into me each moment.   I am breathing heavy by the time  he stands.    

He hover over me pushing himself deep inside of me, “Call me Daddy…

I ignore it, bending over and feeling him thrust inside me over and over.  He begins to press me up against the wall.  He is manhandling me.   The way he is holding me down is aggressive.  I knew that he liked aggressive sex.  It was clear to me.  So for a second I take it.   It feels good.  I’d have to admit.

“Your ass is so good.  Damn.  Call me Daddy,” he says again.

His dick is deeper.  All I’m seeing at that moment is Coin’s face.  The way that Coin looked when Officer McHenry attacked him at first.  How he pressed Coin’s head up against the steering wheel.  I remember Coin was so shocked by it.  It came out of no where.   I remember how upset he looked.  I remember how outraged he looked on that steering wheel!

“GET OFF OF ME!”

I throw Wren off of me as hard as I can.  

I do with all my might and grab a towel.  I run out of the bathroom into the bedroom and just collapse on my bed.   Wren comes after me with this look of shock on his face.  He’s run out of the shower completely naked.  He looks at me from the bed.

“What?  What did I do?”  he asks.

“I don’t want you doing that to me again…”

“Doing what?”

“That dominating shit,” I state.

Wren looks at me for a second as though this was the last thing he expected me to say.   He looks back at the shower, still wet, naked and sexy as all hell.  He shakes his head and just shrugs at that moment.

“Sure no more,” he says throwing his hands up, “I swear.  If I knew you didn’t like it I would have never done it.”

“It’s not about the sex…”

He pauses, “It’s a race thing, isn’t it?”

He sits on my bed next to me.   Our eyes meet each other.  

“Yes, no...maybe?” I shrug.

I mean it as a yes and he takes it as a yes.  I can see it written all out on his face.

“So if I liked to dominate you and we were both black, it would be OK with you?” he asks.

I pause.  There was a specific reason that this was bothering me today of all days.  There was a specific reason that things were going to get bad.

“Your dad is get his trial dismissed.”

He pauses, “Damn.  I hadn’t been following up on it.”

I cross my arms, “Well I guess you should celebrate.”

“You think I wanted this,” he asks me, grabbing onto my arm really tightly, “I keep telling you that I think my dad should get time.”

Yes.  Just not die.

I close my eyes, “I never really told you about that day.”

Wren turns towards me, “I’m listening.  If you want to tell me now.”

I lean back.  It’s hard talking about that night.  I remember testifying about it.  I remember seeing Officer McHenry looking at my face in the court room with a blank emotionless stare.  Threw as no thought giving about him taking the life of Coin from what I could see.

“He beat Coin for reaching for his wallet too fast.  I didn’t even know how that was possible.  I remember seeing his hand just wailing on Coin over and over.  Looking back I should have known it was personal.  This was someone who was defiling his son.   This was someone that he wanted to seriously hurt.   I’m screaming for him to stop but I’m too scared to physically do something.  You don’t fight a cop.  But I wanted to fight him because I thought he was going to be Coin to death.  And Coin reaches up.  He doesn’t reach up to defend himself.  Not to hit Officer McHenry back.  Not like he should have.  He reached up just so that slugs to the face McHenry was giving him didn’t land so hard.   Just so that there was some sort of barrier.  That was enough for your father to say he was fearful of his life.   And he raised a gun and killed Corey Washington.”

For a long moment after that we don’t talk.  Wren just silently takes in what I’m saying.   I do the same feeling more than triggered by all those memories coming back out to me.  I remembered how Coin was screaming for him to stop.  I remember how hard McHenry was hitting him.  I remember the knees to the ribs that he was giving him from the driver’s side door.  I remember how harsh that was.

Finally out of no where Wren says, “I’d do anything to take away some of that pain off you.  I hope you know that.”

There was something he can do.

The address.

“Why don’t you tell me more about you?” I ask, “How you grew up?”

Wren shrugs, “It was just me, my dad and my mother.   Growing up he wasn’t really there.  He loved his job so much.   So I spent so much time at home.”

“You grew up around here?”

“Yeah about 8 miles east of here.  Cute little yellow house.”

“I drove past a yellow house once...I think...what street?”

“Lincoln street.   It was beautiful.  My mother’s idea to paint it yellow.  You know I called her...I told her about you…”

I’m shocked by that at that moment.

“Wait what?” I ask.  

“She said she would love to meet you…” he explains.

“Does she know I’m a boy?” I ask, before adding in, “Does she know I’m black?”

He nods, “Yeah.  You thought she was like my dad?  She didn’t freak out.  My mother is completely different than my father.  She is actually divorcing him.  I think all this coming out really opened her eyes to the type of man he is.”

I sigh rolling my eyes, “She had to know he was somewhat racist.”

“I didn’t know,” Wren explains, “But sometimes when you live in a bubble its hard to see past that.  I know you think I’m some ignorant conservative.  You probably think a lot of people like me are.  Maybe I am to a certain point.  That doesn’t mean I’m not trying, Dijon.  I’d trying to bridge this gap between us.  I want this…”

“I want this too…”

A part of me means it in some weird way.  Being around Wren did give me some comfort.  A part of me wishes so much in this moment that Wren was the son of anyone else.  A part of me wishes I didn’t have this horrible complication that was throwing my life into chaos.  But the truth is Wren was Officer McHenry’s soon.

But in that moment when I feel so strong against Wren he leans over and says something that shocks me, “I think I’m falling in love with you…”

It smacks me in the face out of no where because I’m not expecting it.  And it complicates everything.  EVERYTHING.

It’s late that night when I’m asleep with Wren that I get a text to my phone.  Its Taz.  He tells me he’s outside.   I sneak out of bed and head to his car where I find him waiting for me.  He has one thing on his mind and one thing only.  I can tell even before I sit down in the seat.  I can tell when he doesn’t look back over at me.

“Do you have it?”

I take a deep breath.  I swallow my spit.  

“Only McHenry gets hurt right?” I ask.

~

The next day I go to class.   I want to feel relieved about giving Taz McHenry’s address.  I want to feel like Coin will finally get his justice and I won’t have to worry about Taz starting some race war in the middle of my school.  

I get out by the end of the day and I’m surprised when Vance of all people runs up to me.  Vance is the typical handsome white boy.  He’s the kind who had wrinkled shirts under a sports jacket with jeans that were a bit on the tight end with some Chuck Taylors to tie it all in.   He smiled all the goddam time even though he had to know me and him were not cool after what happened last time we met.

“Hey…Dijon…”

“Nope,” I respond.

I dodge him walking right past.  Maybe it was all the tension that was in the environment lately with all the protest and now riot talk.   I just wasn’t going to keep playing nice for these people.  I wasn’t going to keep letting them entertain my space.

“Listen wait,” Vance runs up in front me, leans his hands forward as though he’s going to hold me.  I jerk away causing him to throw his hands up, “I’m sorry.  I just want to...apologize man.  I felt horrible for our last run in.”

“Really?  Seemed like you really showed your colors,” I respond.

Or maybe I should have just said he showed his color.   Vance was surprisingly offensive during the last talk we had.  I thought he was somewhat better than that.”

He seems to be reading my thoughts as he quickly testifies, “I’m not like Scott and Andrew.  I got caught up in the moment and said some things I really didn’t believe.  I’m sorry.  I went up to Wren and apologized to him.  He accepted but said that I had to apologize to you.  I would have gladly did it, but he said I wasn’t ready.”

“He said you weren’t ready----to apologize to me?” I ask.

I’m confused.

He nods, “Yeah.  He said I had to learn more about where you are coming from.  He said he did too.  So we’ve been taking this three hour seminar a week seminar about the Black Experience.  I say that to say...I’m sorry.  And I’m only saying it because I mean it.”

I could tell he means it.  There was a part of me who wants to just walk away from him.   I want to say something rude still.  But I realize looking at him that sincerity was something you really didn’t see in people too often.  That’s what makes me stay.

That’s what makes me give him a nod.

“I accept your apology,” I state, “We’re good.”

He smiles.  

“Great because I need a favor from you.”

“I said we were good man.  Never said we were friends,” I quickly remind him.

“It’s about Wren.”

I pause.   The look he has on his face gets kind of serious.   Really serious in fact.   I hadn’t realized it before but now I see that there was a bit of sweat beading on his chest.   I don’t think I’m what’s making him nervous.  Something else is wrong.

“Something’s...happened?” I ask.

He nods, “I can’t tell you what it is.  I was told specifically not to tell you.”

That was weird.  At his point I didn’t understand what was happening.

“So what do you want from me?” I ask.

“I need to find Wren,” he responds, “Truthfully people are starting to realize how close you two are.   Even how he talks about you when you aren’t around.   You two are in some type of relationship, aren’t you?”

The question hits me like a ton of bricks.  I was pleasantly surprised Wren was consistent when I wasn’t around.   He did make me feel special in a way.  All of a sudden I’m thinking about how much more emotionally connected I was to Wren compared to Taz.

Still, I had to say the truth, “I don’t know…”

He seems confused by the answer but shakes it off to respond and say, “You still know him more than anyone else.  I need to deliver some news to him but I can’t find him.  Where is he?”

“Follow me.”

It’s awkward walking with Vance through campus.   I even notice a few people looking.   I think everyone knew I was the black boy on campus and everyone knew my story.  I’d gotten the stares but now I feel like people were bored with me.  They’d gotten used to seeing me with only Wren.  Those stares were back.  People are whispering wondering what Vance is doing hanging with me.  

He doesn’t seem to mind though.  He seems focused.  Whatever he had to tell Wren was serious.

 We end up between a few school buildings.   There is a running path through the nearby woods that lead here.   Vance and I settle along the path.

“He should be running through here any minute,” I state, “He never brings his phone with him when he’s jogging.  That’s why you coudln’t get in contact with him.  I always see him around here at this time…”

I know it sounds weird but surprisingly Vance doesn’t call me out on it.  Actually he seems a bit dazed by something.  I’m not sure what it is because he’s kind of squinting over the horizon.  He’s looking at something as though it’s the strangest sight in the world.  At first I ignore it, but then I find myself looking out at the horizon too.

I hear hooting and hollering.  And these figures are almost...marching in the distance.  The school we go to is particularly loud during class hours but it was basically getting around night time so it settled down into a quiet suburban college.  

The noise was coming from outside our community.

“Are they protesting?” Vance asks.

I can’t believe it when I see  students all coming out of their apartments to hear what the chaos is.  

“No...not protesting,” I respond.  

This was something else coming.  These were those people I saw with Taz.  These people weren’t coming to protest at our college with signs.   None of them had signs.  They had brought with them weapons of anarchy.  

I’d given him the address.  Why was Taz doing this?  I’d given him exactly what he asked for to stop this from happening!

“What the hell is going on?”  

It’s Wren.  He runs up to us.  I’m not sure if he’s talking about why Vance and I are together or if he was referring to the ruckus headed our way.   Either way he just seems really perplexed.

Vance immediately seems relieved, “Oh thank God.  I got to tell you something man.”

“What?”

“In private,” he states.

Wren shakes his head, “Whatever you need to say, you can say around Dijon.”

Vance seems a bit nervous.  He is sweating now, “Someone must have figured out where you dad lives.   They came by the house…”

Wren covers his mouth, “Is he…”

“No.  They did a drive by at the house.   It’s your mother, Wren.  They killed her…”

Wren falls to his knees.  My mouth drops.

At that moment I realize exactly what Taz was.  He was a monster.  He was a monster that I helped create.

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