This is the next installment of SIMPLY WORDS, my fantasy with boy band BOYZONE member, STEPHEN GATELY. Again I would like to remind you that this is just a fantasy and none of these events ever happen. Although the first part of the composition stated that it was written before STEPHEN GATELY had came out last June of 1999, this part was written after he came out.
If you are a minor, you know the rule. Please don't read this and find something more suitable for you age. If you're a bigot who just wandered here by mistake, you are allowed to stay. I would like to request you, however, to please keep an open mind
I always hope that this fantasy of mine would become a reality but until then... well. This is the first explicit story I've ever written. I would gladly receive any constructive criticism about this composition. My e-mail is j_andrew_andy@yahoo.com and if another fan of Boyzone is reading this short story, could you provide me with MR. STEPHEN GATELY'S e-mail address? Thanks, I would greatly appreciate it!
The poem "YESTERDAY" was written by Mr. James Aevans Yu. I've gained full permission from Mr. James Aevans Yu to use his composition in my stories.
Read and enjoy!!!
SIMPLY WORDS
----------------- C h a p t e r 7 -----------------
I arrived at the Mactan International Airport at about 10 o'clock in the morning. I wore my dark glasses to cover my bloodshot eyes. I've been crying all the way from Manila and, believe me, my eyes wouldn't be the most beautiful sight in the world right now.
"What a waste!" I thought sarcastically. "The flight attendant tried her best to inform us what to do when the plane crash. And the engine didn't even die midway. Oh well, c'est la vie."
I picked up my luggage at the airport carousel and proceeded to leave the building. I hailed a taxi near the exit and rode all the way home with nothing on my mind but... nothing. I didn't want to think about anything right now or ever, about what happen a few days before or about this morning. I just wanted to move on with my life. I had already encountered my first fifteen minutes of fame and a lifetime of heartbreak, all in a span of a couple of days.
"Yeah,.." I evaluated my thoughts. "I think I had enough."
I arrived home and, immediately, my mother welcomed me at the gate. "I thought you were going to Hong Kong." She asked me, almost scolding rather than being concerned about my sudden reappearance. "Why have you came back?"
"Well, I guess I didn't go..." I answered in a very haggard, very weary tone. "I just decided to quit the band, okay?"
"Why?" She asked me with a bewildered look on her face.
"Hey, you always tell that studies comes first." I groaned as told her, combining sarcasm with weariness.
"So my compliments to you, mother, you've finally brought me to my senses."
"Andy, don't get smart with me." She warned me, her voice rising. Then she softened. "Andy, that was your chance of a lifetime. You could have given it some more thought."
"Mom, please!" I whined. "Talk to me tomorrow, or this evening. Just don't talk to me right now. I'm feeling very..."
"Andy, give it some more thought." She interrupted me. "Maybe we can ask the boys to reconsider your decision."
I groaned. "Mom, I have to..."
"But, Andy!" She wasn't listening to me. She just continued with her blathering. "Just think, you could have..."
"Mom, please. You're not listening to me. You're just babbling." I interrupted wearily.
"What honey? Did you say something?" She paused. Just as I thought, she didn't hear a single word I've said.
"MOM!" I finally lost my patience. "I don't want to go through your third degree this morning. I'm very tired. I have to go to sleep. I didn't sleep last night. I have a class this afternoon. I don't care if it is ten-thirty in the morning, I just want to go sleep, okay? So good night, mother."
"But, Andy..." She called me.
"GOOD NIGHT, MOTHER!!!"
I went up the to room and came into my version of nightmare on elm street. The walls were filled with their pictures, every square inch was covered with their faces and their smile, Boyzone here, Boyzone there,... BOYZONE EVERYWHERE. I had forgotten my room was a dedicated and consecrated shire for the band. I wanted to scream. As fast as I could, I tore their posters off my wall. I didn't want to be reminded of them, I didn't even want to see their faces. I shredded the pictures to minute sizes.
Then I came across Stephen's photograph. I saw his sweet smile, and angelic face, then I ripped it even tinier fragments. As much as I loved him before, I didn't,... I couldn't care less if he dies. Then I just broke down and cried. I didn't want to cry anymore, but I just couldn't hold my tears any longer... he ripped my heart out of its place and squished out the very life out of it.
"He said he loves me." I thought bitterly as my tears began flowing down my eyes. "He said he would love me forever. He said that..."
Then, suddenly, I heard a knock on my door. Frantically, I wiped the tears off my eyes. "Just a minute, I'm not decent!!!" I shouted as I wiped my face with a towel.
Hurriedly, I opened the door and Mike came in. "Oh! It's only you..." I frowned. I thought it was mom.
"Well, I'm so glad to see you, too, honey!" He said, dripping with his usually sarcastic and wry jokes.
"Andy!!!" I heard mom call out from the kitchen.
I went out of my room. I shouted back. "Yes, mom! Why?"
"I'm going out for a while..." she answered. "There's some cake in the refrigerator, if you're hungry."
"Yes, mom." I called back. "Thanks"
I went in back my room. Mike was already inside and he has discovered my now bare wall. "So you decided to change your interior designs. Great!" He quipped.
"I hope that this time you'd have better taste than before."
"What the hell do you want?" I looked sharply at him.
"Hey, I just came here to cheer you up." He smiled. "You're mom was very worried about you. So I came to get you out of the dumps."
"It's not working!!!" With my sharp looks still unchanged, I told him. "If you have nothing more to do here, I'd like you to get out,... NOW!!!"
"Hey,... hey,... hey! Hold you're horses!!! God, Andy, you're so grouchy this morning. What happened to you? Did you just wake up at the wrong side of the mess?" He quipped as he glanced around at the total disorder of my room. He looked around my room more closely and recognized the ripped shreds as my posters. His voice suddenly changed from lively to serious. "Andy, you shredded your Boyzone posters! Is anything wrong?"
I just kept quiet, tried hard to shut my mind and emotions from flooding out my heart. "I said if you have no more business more, I'd like you to leave."
"Andy,..." He exclaimed. "Something IS wrong, isn't it!"
"Get out of my room, in fact, GET OUT OF MY HOUSE." I screamed at the top of my lungs. Warm tears began flowing down my eyes. I couldn't bear it any more. If I had held my feelings together for another second, my heart would burst.
"I have been your best friend since we were kids..." He told me soothingly. "You can tell me anything."
Still, looking down, hiding my face, I remained silent. He came closer to me and put his arms around me. He hugged me tightly and put my head on his shoulders. As he rocked me delicately, I sobbed uncontrollably as he run his finger on my hair.
"Is it about Boyzone." He asked me gently.
I didn't say anything.
"Come on, Andy! You can do better than this. I'm trying to help you out here." He whispered. "So, please, help me out! Is it about Boyzone?"
I nodded.
"They didn't want you?" He inquired again.
I shook my head.
"Do you want to tell me the problem?" He asked.
I shook my head.
"So do you want to me help you in anyway?" He questioned me in a very concerned voice.
I shrugged.
"Please, Andy, let me help you." He begged. 'You know you can trust me with anything. We've been friends for a lifetime."
I didn't want to tell him anything about what happened the last few days. I don't think I am ready right now. But, deep inside my heart, it's tearing me apart,... I really wanted to tell someone, someone I can trust. So I decided to come clean with Mike. I broke the hugged and walked away, avoiding his face. "Mike, how do you see me?" I gulped in some air as I asked him, trying to be calm as I could.
"Excuse me?" he looked at me in a confused way. "What do you mean?"
"Do see me as someone, you know..." I tried to choose my words carefully. "Someone, uhmm, different?"
"Well, you are different." He shrugged apathetically. "We are all different from each other?"
"No, that's not what I mean!" I told him. I tried to explain in the simplest way possible. "I meant that do you consider me as someone who would be, you know... experiencing a different phase in his life?"
"Andy, we all,... all of us pass through different phases in our life." He answered me as if unsure of what he was talking. "We all change as time goes by."
"No! No! NO!" I stressed. "We are not communicating right. What I mean is that do you find me as someone who is confused?"
"Are you trying to tell me something here?" Now he was really perplexed. Then his face lit up as if he gotten the idea. "This has something to do with Boyzone, right?"
"Okay, okay, okay, let me give you a situation." I thought quietly and deeply for a while. "Here it is. Someone is in love with someone but unfortunately there's one problem. Both of them have pretty much in common. But if you..."
"If they have so much in common, why are they having problems?" Mike interrupted with a baffled look on his face. He was in deep thought, then, suddenly he lit up. "I know, their relationship would be very boring. They'd have nothing more to say to each other. Thus, they would end breaking their relationship."
Now, he had an even more perplexed expression. "But what does this have to do with you and Boyzone?"
"That's not my point!" I moaned tiredly. "Wait,... wait , here's another situation. Both of them realized that they have something more in common, like physically." I searched for comprehension in his expression.
"I've got it." He smiled. "They both have some sort of infectious or hereditary diseases, like hepatitis or diabetes or something. If they were to have kids in the future, this would certainly be problem." Then his expression changed. "Oh,... oh, no Andy, you're not sick, are you?"
"Arggghhhh!" I gritted my teeth. "No, I am not sick."
"Hey, stay cool! Just calm yourself." He told me. "You're beginning to scare me. Does your problem really has something to do with Boyzone, or your just pulling my leg."
In exasperation, I shouted angrily. "YES, this has something to do with Boyzone. Mike, I fucked, and I mean FUCKED STEPHEN GATELY. I FUCKED A GUY! MIKE, I'M GAY!!!"
"Whoops,..." I said out loud. Realizing what I've said, I bit my tongue. I hope that he didn't hear that but,... but I knew it was so, so,... so hard to miss.
"Oh, I know that. I've known that you are gay for a very long time now." He smiled. "Who else would make his room a temple for Boyzone!"
"What? And you didn't tell me." My eyes widened with mixed emotions.
"Oh, I had my suspicions, though." he looked at me mysteriously, then he grinned a goofy smirk. "But I needed to have your confirmation on that, first."
"You knew all the time that I was gay? YOU KNEW ALL THE TIME I WAS GAY?" I shouted, confounded by what I've heard. "YOU MEAN THIS WAS ALL AN ACT! RIGHT NOW, THIS WAS ALL AN ACT?"
"I love to play charades." He smiled sweetly. "Don't you?"
"Oh, I hate you." I began to lighten a little bit.
"And I hate you, too!" He joked.
"So are you going to start avoiding me now?" I asked in a serious tone.
"Of course, I'm not going to be seen with a gay guy."
Mike gave me a solemn look. "It would ruin my macho, bad boy image."
As I gave him a grave expression, he laughed. "Just kidding, just kidding. I'll always be your best friend, no matter what, you know that." He paused then added. "So, are you going to tell your parents?"
"I don't know..." I groan and shook my head sadly as I answered him. "I really don't know."
"You don't really have to tell them." He suggested.
I thought for a while and then I answered. "I don't want to be dishonest with them."
"If they don't ask you, you don't have to say anything." He added
But I insisted. "I can't do that..."
"But think of this as a little white lie." He interrupted. "You'd really be saving them a lot of heartache. You know that, don't you? Besides, what they don't know or find out won't hurt them."
I didn't answer him.
Then he asked. "So what happen to you and Stephen?"
"Are you sure you are up to it?" I asked him gravely
"Positive." He answered.
"You're sure, okay!" I warned him. So I took a deep breath and began telling him everything from the beginning. "Well, I fell in love with him the moment we've met in the hotel. We had sex in the his hotel suite, at the airplane..."
"Wait, wait, wait, hold everything." He interrupted hastily. "Let's just skip the whole 'SEX' business thing. I don't want to know that part."
"I told you so!" I said. I looked at him and asked. "Do you still want me to continue?"
"Just please leave you're friendly and, uhmm,... and intimate moments behind. I think it would take sometime before I can handle that." He told me. "I may have an open mind but I don't think it's that open, yet."
"So, on my first day in Manila, Stephen heard me singing while I was taking a shower." I started to tell him everything. I smiled as I recall the events.
"He decided that I should sing as a guest performer in the concert. At first, I didn't want to sing at the concert. But he insisted so much that I finally gave in. During rehearsals, the boys asked me to perform a song. After hearing me sing, they loved my voice so much that they've asked me to join the band."
"So what's so bad about?" Mike asked me in bewilderment. "You were on the way to stardom. You could have been a big star." He paused, then added as if in disbelief. "Wait! They liked your voice? And I thought they have good taste in music!"
I threw him a crumpled piece of paper and smiled sadly. "The boys wanted me in, they wanted me to part of Boyzone. Except they wanted me,... they wanted me to break up with Stephen." I whimpered.
I looked away and went to the window to avoid Mike's eyes. My eyes began to swell with warm tears. Quickly, I wiped the tears away before they would fall,... before Mike could see me crying. "So I decided, I decided to leave at first but I,... I loved him. I really loved him."
I looked at Mike and walked away from the window. I picked a picture of Stephen on the floor and touched his profile gently with my fingers. I smiled as I said. "So I stayed. I loved him too much to leave him. I needed him. He needed me." I paused and then I crushed the picture with my hand.
I started to cry. "Or, so I thought. Then I found out that,... that he,... didn't really love. So I left and returned home."
Mike came closer to me and took me inside his arms. "I'm sorry to hear that, Andy..."
I leaned on his shoulders and cried my heart out. He gently rocked me in his arms, soothing and comforting me. As tears continued to stream down my face, I whimpered. "I thought he loved me,... I gave everything to him. I thought he would love me forever. Why, why did he have to do that to me? I,... I HATE HIM!!!"
"Come on, Andy!" Mike told me. "Give the guy a chance!"
"I already did!" I sobbed. "I asked him to be honest but,... he couldn't, he wouldn't even face me when I asked him to tell the truth."
He offered. "Maybe, he's still not prepared for a relationship."
"I'm sorry!" I gulped for air. I stared Mike in the eyes. "But, I can never forgive him."
"But you still love him, don't you?" He asked me.
I just keep silent, avoiding his gaze.
"I'll ask you again." He told me firmly. "Do YOU still love him?"
I still remained silent. Still, Mike was staring at me. Finally, I told him. "If you're still waiting for an reply, don't." I looked at him chillingly. "I won't dignify your question with an answer."
"You,... you still love him." He smiled. "You still love him, don't you."
"Just go home, Mike." I asked silently, wearily, even sadly. "Just go home and leave me alone." I looked at him with my tear-filled eyes. "Please? I just want to be alone right now."
"Admit it, Andy." He insisted. "You really love him?"
"Mike, please go home now, please." I begged. "If you really want to know how I feel, ask me tomorrow, ask me next week,... ask me anytime you want. I'll be okay by then. But right now, please, I just want to be alone."
"Okay." He finally gave in. 'But if you need me, you know my telephone number. Just call me, okay?"
"Okay..." I nodded silently.
"Okay." Mike said, then he left.
When Mike finally left, I began to cry softly, weeping at everything, every memory of yesterday. I picked up a pen, and grabbed my journal. With my heart still bleeding, I slowly began writing down my thoughts of yesterday.
Y E S T E R D A Y . . .
Yesterday, I tried to tell you
all my feelings, sad and true.
But you just went on your way
left me all alone, all astray.
I always thought you were my friend,
I always thought: To you, I can depend.
Yesterday, I lost my faith, lost my trust
and shattered my dreams, all to dust.
And to think I held you near my heart,
in disbelief, this way we fall apart.
Oh my friend, what happened to yesterday,
I never thought it would ever end this way.
Yesterday, my friend, I finally knew
that the person I trusted was not all true.
And I tried to think it was not all that bad,
but, still, you've broken my spirit, made me sad
And, yet, my friend, I'm so sorry to say
that we must end our friendship this way.
After writing the poem, I began to feel better. I got my anger out of my chest. I began clearing the mess as soon as I began to lighten up. Slowly, I picked the shreds and bits of paper. I still can't face the fact that I was now alone,... it seemed all I have right now are bits and pieces of bittersweet memory of yesterday. Slowly again, the tears started to fall one by one by one. I shook my head and told myself. "He doesn't love you, can't you understand?"
I stood up and shouted. "HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU!!! CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?!! STEPHEN GATELY DOESN'T LOVE YOU!!!"
"Yes, I do... I really do." I heard someone say behind me.
-----to be continued-----