DISCLAIMER: All characters are fictionary, none are based on me or anyone I know. If you are offended by same gender sex, please do not continue. If you are under 18, please do not continue. I realise this story is about teenagers, but it is not written for younger teenagers. Why did I write this? Everywhere I look there are stories where the lovers hook up and it's happy ever after. This is not a happy ever after story, in fact, there are no happy endings. This is not a feel-good story. That said, continue and enjoy.
SHH, CHILD By Kyle Vacanta Episode 1 "Alone"
We kissed; it lasted forever. I could so vividly feel his probing tongue inside me, and his lips gently pressing against my own. So tender, so soft. But I knew it had to end. I knew it wasn't real. It's never real, and my eyes open, and the world floods back in. As always, I'm stuck in some boring classroom, not listening to some boring teacher, sitting ignored among boring people - the only kind who seem to tolerate my presence -, and back in my boring life. Which sucks.
Across the room sits Jay, my prince a toad one more. He's not even looking at me. Not that he should be, I was just expecting him to look at me. After a kiss like that, he should look, right? Show some casual interest. Granted, he wasn't aware we kissed, and we didn't actually kiss... But I still want him to look at me. Look at me! Goddamit, look at me, Jay! LOOK AT ME!
"Why?" A voice; Greg's. I turn my head to face him, breaking my gaze away from Jay.
"Why what?" I ask. What the hell is he talking about. As much as I like Greg - I trust him more than anyone, he can be a bit liberal with the non-sequiteurs sometimes.
"Why look at you?" I wasn't talking to you, Greg. Mind your own business.
"Who asked you to look at me?" I didn't talk out loud. I never talk out loud. I'm the undisputed master of internal monologue.
"You did. Just now." Not you! Jay! Moron.
"I didn't say anything." I was thinking it, though. And you're no mind reader, you liar.
"Yes you did. You were thinking about Jay. You're always thinking about Jay." The bastard! He has no right to take pot-shots at what I'm thinking!
"Oh, please. I'm over Jay." I whisper. I don't want 'Fag' tatoo'd across my shirt in marker pen, thankyou very much. Not my cup of tea.
"No you're not."
"Of course I am. I haven't though about Jay in ages. In fact, I don't even know who Jay is. I've forgotten. Jay who? I don't know any Jay."
"You know damn well who I'm - we're - talking about; Mr. Six-point-five-inches over there." A quick jerk of the head shows me who he's referring to.
"Don't be sick. You have no idea how big he is! I'm sure he a tiddler! He's a weiner! In fact, the boy is a tadpole! Shows what you know."
"Liar, liar, pants on fire."
"Fuck off!"
"Mr. Patterson," WHAT?! Oh, now the teacher wants in on the conversation. Come on everybody, jump in! "Do you have something you'd like to share with the class?" All eyes turn on me. I can feel the blood pump to my head as my faces flushed bright red. I turn to Greg again, but he's gone, and the seat beside me is empty as always.
"No, sir. Sorry sir."
"Alex Patterson, I have no idea who you think you're talking to, and but I'm sure it's a riveting conversation. So if you are confident you know all there is to know about sub-terranean rock formations, please carry on. I'm sure you'll pass the paper with flying colours." Oh, sarcasm. I hate it when 'generation W' tries to use an invention credited solely to 'X'.
"Sorry, sir. I'll pay attention." Not not not not NOT!
"See that you do." Back to the blackboard, and it's almost over. Leave time for the compulsory round of giggles from around the class, and it is over.
School ended eventually. I collected my stuff from my locker, books with scribbles in place of facts, files containing wishes not work. I'm not a scholor, and never will be. Tell the truth, I don't really care much. Walking home, I stride a way behind Jay and his friends. Some are hot, most look like moles, but it's Jay that I love. Greg would tell me it's not love, it's obsession, but I never listen to him. He doesn't know his ass from his elbow, and he wouldn't know love if it jumped up and bit him on either. So I follow Jay, listening to his laughs and smiling with each toss of his beautiful hair. I have fantasies I really should be ashamed of, but I'm not. In them, he asks me back to his place, scorning his taunting friends, finally admitting the love he's held for me ever since he first laid eyes on me. So we race upstairs, and every hint of awkwardness drops with our clothes. He kisses me again, so soft and tender, but fierce and commanding at the same time.
"I love you," He says, "I'll never leave you." I run my hands in his hair, slowly letting them trickle down his spine. Soon he is behind me, and I can feel his throbbing manhood pressing against the small of my back, begging for relief. He enters me, gently at first, probing around between my buttocks. He pushes himself inside me, and it's the most wonderful feeling I will ever experience, and he tos and fros, tos and fros and ups and downs like a fantastic Jack in the Box. I scream with him as he reaches his almightly climax, his muscles tensing invoulountarily - sending spasms of pleasure along his body.
Before I knew it, I felt a familiar sensation in my crotch. My erection rubs against my boxers as I walk, attempting in vain to keep my strolling natural. This attracts unwanted attention from the others ahead of me, but I let their insults and barbs fly over my head, a skill perfected with practise. All except my prince's. His words cut razor-blade deep. But I know he doesn't mean them, I know it in my bones. He loves me, just like I love him.
"Just ignore them." Greg is beside me now, walking with me, a supporting shoulder to lean on. I guess he's good for something.
"Ohh, good advice. That always works." Well, at least he tried.
We've passed them now, but I can still feel their stares on the back of my neck, and I can still feel the wounds, fresh as ice. Turning the block corner, I run the rest of the way home, and bound up the stairs to my bedroom. Salt tears stain my cheeks as I collapse into a ball on my bed.
God, why can't Jay act the way I know he would if we were ever alone? I love him so much, he must love me too. I just know what he's thinking... He can see past 'me', the geeky me. He knows I'm not really clumsy, and I only play stupid. He can tell that underneath, deep down, I'm strong and I'm everything he needs. Why can't he just be open about it?
"What, just like you are?" Greg again. Damn, why didn't I grow out of him when I was six, like I should have? Like Momma said I would. He's behind me now, kneeling on the floor. I can't see him, but I can see his face. He's disgusted.
"Meaning?"
"Meaning how is supposed to know how you feel when you don't tell him." Sometimes, I could just hit him. Especially when he's right. But no, I don't need to tell Jay how I feel. He knows! He must... I don't need stupid advice from Greg, and I don't need him at all.
"Look, just shut the fuck up, and get the hell out of my life!"
"Temper, temper."
"I'm warning you..."
"Do you speak to all your friends like this? Oh, now I remember, you don't have any." He leans in closer now, and whispers to my ear, "You only have me..."
I close my eyes. He's not real, he's not real, he is not real. But I can still feel him behind me. "Greg, please... Just go... Leave me..." I turn to face an empty room. There is no Greg here, there never was. "...Alone."
No, I'm not alone. There's a knock on the door. Three sturdy raps, and I know just who it is.
"I've been waiting for you." My voice is tired, and cold as the door, inch by inch, creaks it's way open. A sun of brilliant light shines outside of view, and through it walks my prince, my knight in shining armour. His footsteps fall lightly on the floor, making no noise at all. He approaches me slowly, and suddenly I cry no more. "I thought you weren't coming... I was so afraid..." Two of his fingers rest on my lips, and my fears are gone. He is here, at last.
"I wouldn't have let you be alone. You're sad," He wipes a stray tear from my cheek, and his finger touches is like velvet. "You don't have to cry any more," His voice is so smooth, it makes me to melt into him, and I go willingly. "I'm here, and I will never leave you again."
"I love you so much, Jay; I can't live without you." He smiles, and his eyes show me the truth.
"And I love you, Alex, more than the dawning day." With that, he kisses me, and suddenly I feel the golden rays of the sun flow through my mouth, and they fill every part of me. His lips touch mine, and they become one. He is so tender, so gentle, and yet I can feel a great sadness within me. I know this isn't real. Deep down, I know it's just fantasy, and deeper still, I know it's all wrong.
"I've got to go, Alex." He pulls away from me, and takes a few steps back.
"No... Please stay..." I beg, I plead, but it is no use.
"I have to go now." He said he'd never leave me. He lied. He lied to me... "We can't ever be together."
"I know... I know, but please, stay with me just a little while longer. I don't want to be alone anymore..." I'm crying, tears roll down and onwards, but his soothing hand is gone forever.
"I have to go now."
"But.. Jay... I love you!" He doesn't care, he doesn't notice my tears. He is cold to me.
"Goodbye, Alex."
My eyes open, and the tears flow once more. My room is barren of life, and the door is locked, as it has been always. I am still alone. I will always be alone.
It is my fate.
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Okay, I know it seems pretty short and an anticlimax ands whatnot, but I wanted to concentrate more on the characters for the moment. I promise, action next issue. Even if it's all in Alex's head. I'd really love to know what you thought. E-mail me at kylevacanta@hotmail.com with your opinions, or just to let me know you're reading.
Thanks,
Kyle