Yes, it's me Eternal Coldness. Well, this is my third story and I hope that get I get a lot of feedback from it. Good or bad. Well, I just want to thank you for having the time to stop by and read this. So the usual disclaimer: if you're not allowed to read this type of stories or if you're underage, then what the heaven are you doing here?!
P.S. Can anyone recommend good stories to me?
Shattered Soul
"May I be of any help to you, sir?", the flight stewardess asked.
I struggled to keep my voice and emotions under control.
"No, thank you". That was harder than I thought. But at least saying three words before I broke down and started crying was certainly an improvement.
Why was I on this flight to New York? Why can't I just go back to Adrian and forgive him? It's because it hurts so much just to think about him. And I experience total, shocking pain everytime I see him. I noticed a few tears broke through my eyes and started trickling down my cheeks.
"Oh honey, everything will be alright. You have to move on." I looked up and saw the smiling face of my mother. I know that through everything I will have to experience, Mom will always be there for me. But she couldn't do much for what I'm feeling right now. The best she could do was call and book us a flight saying that we were going to New York.
I held her hand and cried softly.
"Calvin, we've been through this and there's nothing you can do to change it," she said.
I knew Mom would break down too because she sees that I'm in pain and there's nothing she can do much to help ease it. I had to be strong. I kept a firm dam on my tears and held them back. I would cry by myself tonight. So that no one can see me.
I succeeded and the tears stopped. I looked at mom and smiled a ghost of a smile.
"That's better. It's been a while since I saw that famous smile of yours."
So right now I know you're thinking: what the hell happened to him? And why is he so pained? Well to make a story short. I'm gay and I told my mom (my dad is dead) when I was thirteen and she took it pretty well and I got myself a boyfriend. His name is Adrian. At that time, I thought that he was the best thing that ever happened to me. For three months, we were inseparable. But the next month, I noticed that he was starting to get aloof with me and I was getting worried. So I planned a surprise visit full of cheesy things for him on "March 19, 2001". When I got to his house, I looked for him silently and I went into his room. I flicked the lights on and saw something that broke my heart in two. I saw Adrian with Cody, together in bed, naked and interlocked in each other's arms. I dropped the roses and ribbons I was carrying. And the sound woke Adrian up just in time to see me running away from the room. I got outside and it started to rain. I didn't care. I just ran and ran through the rain until I couldn't run anymore. I stopped at somewhere and blacked out. I woke up in a hospital with tubes coming out of me. The doctor said I was suffering from hypothermia or something. I was shivering and they give me some heat or whatever.
For the following days, I avoided Adrian. When he called, I hung up. When he emailed, I deleted his mail and never replied. Once he called and I decided to listen.
"Calvin, please don't hang up."
"OK, what do you need?"
"Please let me explain."
"What's to explain, you cheated on me! I saw it with my own two eyes! Adrian we're through!"
Then I hung up.
I was so fazed the following days that my mom started to worry and finally asked what happened.
"Calvin, what's wrong?"
I couldn't hold it in anymore. I blurted everything out. Everything. Along with tears and sobs. She was very sympathetic and said that if there is anything she can do to help. And I said that I never want to see him again and that's why we are on this plane on the way to New York. I know that running away from the problem solves nothing but in this case it solved everything. I was going to New York and away from Canada. Away from all the pain and I'm heading to New York. To New York, where a fresh and brand new start awaits me.
The plane finally touched the ground and I was getting ready to go down. I looked around and I can tell you one thing. Airports are hellholes. You wait for your bag at cobnveyor belts which seemed would never win a race against a snail. And I don't know if it is just coincidence but there are bags that look like each other. So when you think it's your bag, someone reaches up and gets it. Anyway, I got my bag and went out of there dragging mom with me. I wanted to eat something because what they give at the plane looks like something that was scraped off from the bottom of the monkey cage at the zoo.
I went inside a restaurant. I ordered some food and began eating. "So, Calvin. What do you intend to do now?", mom asked.
I chewed on my food and I began to answer.
"I'll go to school in here and I'll have a fresh start. Maybe I will have a better life here or better yet I might meet someone who would end up as my soulmate."
I smiled at mom. Lately, I've been learning to let go.
"Calvin, that smile of yours is very unique. It lights up everything around you."
"Thanks mom"
"It's been a while since I saw that smile and as always it astounds me."
No more questions asked. I ate the rest of my food.
We were driving for half an hour and soon we arrived at the house mom bought. What can I say? The house was beautiful. It had a small sort of fence which was painted white. And the house was painted blue giving the whole house a warm atmosphere. And did I say that the house was huge. I mean it was like three lots long not including the backyard. I wasn't surprised because mom was a computer engineer and they make a shitload of money. My only worry was that it might be a little lonely sometimes.
"Calvin, I'm gonna go to the grocery and pick up some basic items we need. Feel free to explore the house."
I nodded and went inside. I saw what could pass as a teenagers dreamhouse. There was a sound system but it isn't the typical sound system like a karaoke or components. There was the main console and two speakers attached but beside each speaker were two big, no, HUGE speakers that looked like it could blow you away if the volume was turned up. And just beside the sound system was a complete home theater system. In front of the "elephant size" TV was a couch that looked like something the queen of England uses. It isn't fancy shmancy stuff stuff nut it was very comfortable and soft. I wonder if someday I would have another teen boy to cuddle with me in that couch. I went into the kitchen and saw the fancy gizmos and gadgets which I don't know. I went into the recreation room and looked at it. I swear my jaw dropped to the floor. The room wasn't only huge but it had every kind of game I know. There was a billiards table, a table with black and white squares which I recognized as chess, another table which had playing cards on it. I looked at the floor and it was spots of different colors painted on it. I instantly recognized it as Twister. I love Twister mainly because it was how I met Adrian. We were playing when my hand suddenly gave and I landed on top of Adrian and the rest is history. Adrian. I started tearing up again when I suddenly heard the front door close. Mom was back. I dried my eyes and went up. I helped mom in unloading the groceries.
"Calvin, please forget him. He doesn't deserve you," mom said suddenly.
"What?"
"You cried again. I can see it in your eyes."
Damn. Why does my eyes have to show a lot of things? Mom said that she could read what I was feeling just by looking at my eyes and as usual she was right. But only mom could do it. No one else not even Adrian.
"So what reminded him of you this time?" mom said.
"The Twister downstairs."
"Oh honey, I'm so sorry. I put it there because I know how much you love to play Twister. I'll have it removed tomorrow."
"No mom, it's okay. I still love to play Twister. But its too painful."
"Oh honey, like I said you have to get over him"
"Yes I know. Could you show me my room? I want to take a nap."
"Upstairs, to the right second door."
I went upstairs and went inside. Okay, is everything in this house, HUGE! I could have done four cartwheels from one wall and I wouldn't touch the other wall. My bed looked like it could hold ten people. But there was one thing that caught my eye. It was the balcony. I went outside and looked. The view wasn't perfect but I could see a small creek just over the bend of trees and it was enough for me. I wanted to take a nap so I went back in and lay down on the bed. I shut my eyes and waited for sleep. But sleep wouldn't come. You know it's a bitch when you're very tired and want to go to sleep and when you lie down you can't sleep.
I got up and rummaged through my backpack and found my CD collection. I took the best one and played it on the CD player (Yes, I have a cd player in my room). The first song played.
Don't speak, seal your lips Please don't say a word Maybe I won't remember the words I have not heard I see that you're in love, I know it's not with me But I don't want the truth to haunt my memory
It's never too late to relight the fire It never stopped burning for me The flame it never died inside of me
How is it now that I can tell you I love you How is it now that it's too late What can I do, the love that we had is torn in two So you take the smiles from all of our years And I'll take the years
I was crying again. That song always passed off as nothing to me but when Adrian and I broke up. The song hit me on the spot. It hurt me more than ever to know that, from now on, I would wake without someone to look forward to. I was soaking the pillows with my tears. I closed my eyes and fell asleep with tears in my eyes.
I woke up with red and puffy eyes. I looked outside. It was late. I have to start all over again. Maybe I'll be lucky and have a few friends in my new school. Better yet, I'll have a new boyfriend. A boyfriend who knows how to treat me right. A person who will be able to tell me it will be okay. I know my mom loves me that much but sometimes she gets so busy with work that she forgets to give me attention. I only want to fell that I'm loved and I need someone to wrap his arms around me to give me warmth and comfort. Someone. I need someone.
I went downstairs on the intention of eating but lost my appetite halfway downstairs. I started backing up and went into my room. I wanted to just lay down there and wait for tomorrow. I want to have a good and fresh start tomorrow in my new school. I lay down and shut my eyes.
After a few minutes, I opened my eyes. I couldn't sleep. I was too restless. I needed to do something that would tire me out. I went downstairs and grabbed my skateboard. I needed to do some serious skating.
I went out and spent some time looking for what could pass as an arcade. I kept on looking but I still couldn't find anything. Finally, I decided to ask someone. I approached someone.
"Excuse me, could you tell me where the nearest arcade is?"
He turned around and looked at me. OKAY. Damn, he was beautiful. He had brown hair and lips that were as red as rose. I couldn't see his eyes because they were hidden behind shades. Then he looked at me. I looked up and smiled.
"Hello. Hellooooo...", I asked.
He looked up and looked sheepish.
"Oh sorry. What were you asking?"
"I said if you could show me the nearest arcade?"
"Down the street and second store."
"Thanks" Then I skated away. I knew that look. He was interested. He looks good but I don't know if I should even consider him. I certainly don't want to experience that emotional hurt again. I don't know if I could take it again. But I still want to find someone who will put his arms around me and tell me that he loves me. I don't know if I should open up or close foerever. Only time will tell.
I reached the arcade and I looked around. It was noisy as expected of every arcade. I went into the nearest one and dropped a quarter inside. The arcade started up and I warmed up. After minutes, I was totally kicking computer butt. I finished the last stage when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I spun around and saw the boy I asked earlier.
"Can I join you?"
"Sure" And I moved to make room for him.
We slipped in quarters and started to play. Within minutes, I totally destroyed him. He got up and accepted defeat.
"You play really good."
"Thanks. You play well too." I got up and headed for the door.
"Hey wait up. Would you like to hang with me? Get a drink or something?"
I was about to say yes when he suddenly removed his shades and stared at me with a pair of green eyes.
"Sorry but I really need to go home. Thanks for the offer anyway." And I started to jog away. I didn't want to see those eyes. Those eyes. They were the ones that bought me so much pain. They were the eyes of Adrian. Same color. Same shape. I felt the tears start and I increased my pace. By the time I reached the house, I was a sobbing mess. Mom heard it and poked her head into the hallway. She saw me and walked towards me.
"Calvin, what's wrong?"
Right now, I was thinking that mothers are the best thing that the almighty Lord ever put in this world. I pity he who doesn't have a mother. And they give good advice.
"Mom, I met a boy and I could tell that he was interested in me."
"Oh Calvin! Wonderful! That's good news! Right?"
"No it's not!" I started crying again.
"Calvin, what's wrong?"
"The...the boy re...reminds me so much of Adrian"
"Oh Calvin, not Adrian again. I thought you already moved on"
"Mom, I'm sorry but I can't" I was still crying, harder than ever.
Mom held me for another couple of minutes until I calmed down. I went up in my room lay down on my bed. Maybe, he doesn't look like Adrian. Maybe it's just me whose wrong? I still can't stop longing for Adrian. I started to fall asleep when the doorbell suddenly rang. Mom answered it.
"Calvin, someone's here to see you"
Thinking of who it might be since I haven't made any friends yet, I went to open the door and the door opened before I even touched the door knob and there stood the boy I met earlier in all his glory and perfection. Did I just say glory and perfection to describe him? Then I saw his eyes, so much like Adrian's. Eyes that I couldn't bear to look at anymore for fear of old wounds that haven't quite healed to hurt again.
"Aheem" I looked up, breaking away from my chain of thought
"Yes, what do you want?"
"Hey, I came here all the way from the arcade and you just tell me, What do you want?."
"Oh sorry, what do you need?"
"Well, remember when we where talking earlier?" I nodded. "Well, you look like you just saw a ghost. Is everything alright?"
Maybe I could learn to love him. He was so caring. And he still is beautiful.
"Yeah everything is cool"
"Cool! Hey you still want to hang out? I can show you new places"
This time I saw that the offer was good and hell, why not?
"Okay, lets go"
"By the way my name is Leon, Leon Arnhart. What's yours?"
"Calvin, Calvin Mist."
"Ok Calvin, let's go"
We went into the mall first. There were a lot of interesting stores. I finally couldn't resist the temptation and went into a candy store. I chose a sunflower-shaped, lemon-flavored lollipop. Just as I was about to pay for the lollipop, Leon appeared before my side and held out a dollar bill.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm paying"
"And may I ask why?"
"Because. Anyway, you can't do anything because its already rung up"
I looked at the cash register and saw it was true. Great, now I have to convince him to take the dollar that I owe him.
We went to the music store next. We were walking when I took Leon's hand and stopped.
"Calvin, what's wrong?"
"Sshhh, quiet. Listen"
He perked his ears up and caught the last parts of N'sync's "This I Promise You". God, I loved that song. Then I felt his hand tugging me.
"Can we go now?"
We continued going around until I finally hit the movies. I wanted to watch something. Horror or action. I've experienced too much drama and romance. I deserve a break. Ninety minutes later, we came out of a very gruesome horror movie. Horror was etched on Leon's face while I was laughing my head off like a maniac. Leon was pale as a ghost while I was beet red with laughter. I guess it takes a lot to scare me and poor Leon just couldn't take it.
"Hey, Leon. How are you holding up?"
"That movie scared the wits out of me"
"And I thought you were this macho jock. When all I had to do was show you a movie to scare you. Tsk...tsk..tsk, how degrading"
"I'll show you degrading" Then he took the plastic bags in my hand and ran off.
"Let's see how fast you run without your skateboard.", he shouted back.
I grinned inwardly. What he didn't know is that I'm a runner on the 100-m dash in my old school. I took off and in about thirty seconds, I caught up and took my bags along with his bags and ran away. He couldn't catch up. But there was one thing. I didn't know this mall. And I was sure that sooner or later Leon would use his advatage to catch me.
"Hello"
"Aaahhhh!!!"
I was expecting Leon but not this soon. I dropped the bags and he took his and returned mine.
"OK, enough horsing around. I want to go home", I said.
"Sure okay"
I arrived at my house and he waited at the front door.
"Thanks Leon, I had a great time"
"Sure no problem." Then he smiled and went away.
Oh great, that smile again. I was doing my best to keep myself from kissing him. Then I suddenly remembered that I was standing at my front door. I went inside and for the first time ever, I didn't remember the reason why we moved here. Wow, Leon was having that effect on me. I went upstairs and searched for my journal. I found it and began to write.
Dear Journ...
I stopped and tore off the page. I wasn't able to write in this journal ever sice Adrian and I broke up. I started this journal ever since we and Adrian got hooked up. Then I had an idea. I hesitated then tore off the first part of the journal, the ones where there was an Adrian part. I went into the backyard and burned them. New life means new everything. I went into the bathroom and searched for the thingie that reverses hair dye. I found it and applied it to my hair. After a few minutes, my natural blond was flowing again. I dried off with a towel and I looked at the mirror. After a few minutes, I removed my grey contacts and replaced them with clear ones. My blue eyes are now sparkling. I looked into the mirror and gasped at the result. It was so different from the old me. I can't believe I did all those things for Adrian. Oh well, Adrian go down the drain. New life means new everything. From the brown-haired, grey eyed sorrowing gay teenager to the blond-haired, blue-eyed happy gay teenager. Bye Adrian, I don't want anything to do with you. I just burned my last reminder of you. I returned to my journal. It was thinner than before. Oh well, if I run out of pages, I'll buy another one. I began to write.
Dear Journey,
It's been a long time since I wrote another journal entry. Well I want to write about this day. I just moved to New York and now I'm forgetting all about that bastard Adrian. I don't need him anymore. I'll find a new boyfriend here in NY. Maybe better, I'll find a better boyfriend who won't cheat on me. I just met this boy, Leon. We met when I asked him where the arcade was. I was playing alone when he suddenly asked me to fight with him. We fought but he lost. He seems interested in me. He asked me to hang out but then he took of his shades and they were the same as Adrian's and I just ran away. When I arrived back here, I told mom while I was crying. Then the doorbell rings and he's there. He seems nice and sweet. He came all the way from the arcade to see if I was okay. See, he's sweet. Then he asked me to hang out again and this time I accepted. We had a great time. He was so funny. Then we stopped at the music store and This I Promise You was playing and I stopped. Wait there it is again. Wait a minute Journey, it's playing at my radio. Wow, that song is really good. God, I'll love the man who sings it to me. I think Leon's interested in me. I guess my gaydar's just hyper. Well, that's all. Bye.
Calvin
I closed my journal, feeling satisfied with myself. I looked at the watch. It's getting late. Maybe I should sleep. I closed the lights and snuggled up to my pillow. I wish I had more than a pillow to snuggle up to. But this will have to do. I closed my eyes ad sleep came.
Well that's all. Did you like it? Please email me because I loved writing this one. Anyway, the song is "I'll Take The Tears" by A1 on their album "The A List". It's a really good song. Well that's all.
Keep smiling,
EC