The usual disclaimers apply - ie. no reading this if you're not of age to read it, and no peeking at this if you can't stand gay people (which would bring to mind the question of what the hell you're doing reading this anyway).
Parts 9 and 10 were, again, quite similar, but now they diverge again, dear readers...
All questions etc can be directed to dcross1@home.com
3:00 PM
Shane sat up on his bed, reading Bad_Boy. Robin had left already, after having asked Shane to visit him for a while on Sunday. Earlier, the conversation between them and David had meandered over to other subjects after the latter's second complaint about not having a camera. Shane had to chuckle internally at the thought of hanging a framed picture of the two of them on a wall, as well as the enthusiasm David had shown in immortalizing their relationship on film.
He recalled the ride back from David's place, and let the book fall on the bed, unnoticed, as he gazed at the wall...
They had said goodbye to David, promising to show up by his locker on Monday morning. After entering the car, Robin had said, "That guy, David - he seems pretty cool."
Shane had started the engine, and begun driving. He then said, "Yeah. I actually was probably not in my right mind when I told him and his friend, the other Dave, that I was gay, but I took a risk; looking back, it wasn't as a big a risk as when I told you, because he and the other Dave - who we'll meet on Monday - are so into everything scientific that they act like they're not even on this planet sometimes. With you, though--" He had broken off, unwilling to articulate his thought.
Robin had seemed to understand anyhow, and completed it: "You didn't have any emotional investment in telling the two Daves; you could deal with it if they reacted badly. With me, you had hopes and fears tied up in your revelation."
"Took the words right out of my mouth."
"I try." Robin had grinned.
The ride after that had been companionable, with a total lack of tension. Shane remembered the last thing Robin had said before leaving the car: "Shane... I just want you to know--" at this he looked down at his hands and then looked back up and directly into Shane's eyes, "I really enjoyed today, and I'd like you to come over tomorrow and meet my parents. It would mean a lot to me."
Shane had nodded in reply and said, "I promise. I'll call you after we get back from church." He then had blown Robin a kiss, after which the latter had opened the door and entered his own car, and started the engine...
The slam of the front door brought Shane back to reality and he thought "oh, shit!" as he realized his book was in the open, where anyone could see it. He hastily shoved the novel between the mattress and box spring, then exited his bedroom to assure his father and mother that he was in the house.
His dad led off. "So what did you do today?"
Shane replied, "Just did some of my homework, then drove around for a bit. I've been here most of the afternoon." What a liar. Shane hoped his voice hadn't betrayed him.
Fortunately, Don didn't seem to notice anything unusual and continued on. "Now, remember, you have to wake up before nine for church tomorrow. So be in bed by ten, no later!"
Shane simply nodded. He hoped he would be allowed to take his own car, so he could part company with his parents after church let out and go visit Robin. Thankfully, Robin had taken all of his schoolwork with him and deposited the lot in his car before they had gone for lunch - explaining the addition of a new knapsack and books in his room would have proved somewhat problematic.
6:30 PM
Dinner proved to be the usual fare, both culinary and auditory. Shane's father and mother worked the upcoming speech on atheism practically to death, and Shane wanted to yell, "Not only are you boring me to tears with this, you're directly attacking ME and MY beliefs!" Thankfully, his departure from the table was but little noticed as he swiftly deposited the empty plate and cutlery in the sink and went to his bedroom.
After having closed the door, Shane leaned against it, and gritted his teeth as he mentally worked out the number of days left until he could move to Vancouver and go to university. He then sighed, and turned to his bookshelf to locate something to read, and gave up as he realized he'd read and re-read the books multiple times. Mot that there were that many books considered "acceptable" in the Wilson household.
Shane decided to set down his thoughts on paper, for lack of better to do. He sat at his desk with his Biology notebook, and turned to a blank piece of paper. He picked up his pen and began.
"Today, my entire world was shaken upside down. Or, if it didn't get shaken upside down, it sure took a beating. I met Robin, and... explored some things. Kissing a guy is pretty cool, actually. When will I get to do it again? Can't wait!
Things about Robin I like: cute, smart, caring, and more."
Shane paused to consider what he'd written, and continued.
"Do I love him? What is love? Is there even such a thing as love at first sight? I don't know the answers to any of these questions, but I know I'm choosing well if I want to pursue a relationship with him. Will he want to, with me? He seemed to want to see me again, but was he just being polite?
Another revelation: today raised more questions than it answered. That's the paradox in this, and there's no easy answer."
Shane stopped, pen raised over the page, for a full minute. He then flipped the page, and started another train of thought on a fresh page.
"Dear Mom and Dad, (though I'm not sure if I can write 'Dear' on a letter like this)
By now I will have left for university. You may think I'm coming home, but you will never see me again. You see, I'm gay. That's right. Your son, the all-around good student, nice guy, goes to church every Sunday with his parents, is a homo. A queer. Whatever other words you want to use, that's what it boils down to.
There's something else I want to tell you. I found a special person earlier today. Even if I'm not with him when I graduate, now you know there's even more gay people than just me. According to you, of course, I'll have corrupted him into my evil ways. What a joke. I learned other gay people do exist, and that for me, it's as natural as breathing to be attracted, emotionally and physically, to other men.
So I guess this is goodbye. Although it will be almost two years, some seven hundred days, until you see this, you will now know that your son has been plotting his escape from this town for quite some time, and no longer wishes to live in a household so full of intolerance.
Your son, or not, as the case may be, Shane."
Shane stared at the letter to his parents that he'd poured out almost in the literary equivalent of a gasp, and then, in a fit of anger, ripped the page out and tore it into pieces. He then slammed the notebook shut, went to the bathroom, and flushed the paper pieces down the toilet. He turned to leave, and caught the mirror in the corner of his eye. Something drew him to it, and he followed the feeling as he stood in front of the reflective silvered surface.
The image that stared back at him was a picture of hope and despair; light and darkness. An image leapt, unbidden, into Shane's mind of the sculpture-gravestone made after Nikita Khrushchev's death and burial. One half of it had been painted white; the other half, black. The two halves were intended to symbolize the light and dark aspects of Khrushchev and his reign. Shane knew that he felt hope in the form of his new, still-tenuous relationship with Robin; despair, however, he found in his home life. Why did life have to be so complicated?
Shane re-entered his bedroom, pulled The_Great_Escape off the bookshelf, sat up in his bed, and half-heartedly began re-reading it...
September 13, 1992
10:15 AM
Shane sat in the front pew of the Baptist Church, staring at nothing as the pastor droned on about the importance of being humble before God. His mother sat to his left, and his father to the left of his mother. He had woken up, as prescribed, at 9 o'clock and after sitting down at breakfast, asked if he could take his car to church. Unfortunately, his request came back denied, so he had had to ride with his parents. Darn.
He pulled at his shirt collar, then his tie, tugged at his suit jacket, and wondered for the umpteenth time why they absolutely had to wear the best clothes to church when it was obvious that a sizable number, although not all, of the people there wore nothing fancier than a clean pressed shirt and good slacks. Of course, it was all about maintaining the image his father had to project - a family that took its religion absolutely seriously.
A shuffle to Shane's far left focussed his attention, as he heard the pastor conclude with, "... and now, ladies and gentlemen, one of our most devoted contributors, Mr. Don Wilson, is once again invited to be our guest speaker for the day. Please welcome him, as we have many times before."
Shane politely applauded with the rest of the congregation as his father made his way to the podium. The same ritual began as it had several times before in the past few years. The reading glasses would come on first, then the shifting of papers at the podium. After that, his father would clear his throat, and introduce himself. Then he would make his speech, and Shane knew that his father would never glance down at the papers more than once every five minutes, at the most. It made him wonder why his dad even bothered with the reading glasses.
"Ladies and gentlemen, if any of you have not seen me before, my name is Don Wilson. It's good to be here, in God's house of worship. Today, the topic I will speak about is the rise of atheism in today's society..."
The murmurs of support began, as the cadence of the speech rose and fell in a fashion almost as well-polished as that of a television evangelist. Even the pastor seemed to be getting into it. Shane tuned out, as his mind went on auto-pilot.
"... and in conclusion, I remind us all that we are the guardians of God's word, and we are the bearers of God's shield of faith! Praise be given to Jesus Christ, and our God Almighty!"
At that last, Shane's father gathered up his papers, slipped off his reading glasses, and resumed his seat.
The applause was a somewhat more enthusiastic than the one given to the pastor, and as the pastor resumed the podium, he reflected that it grated on him to have a member of the laity be received more enthusiastically than he; however, this man contributed quite heavily, and was not one to risk antagonizing. He spoke: "Let us all take a moment to order our thoughts, and then today's session will be ended." After the requisite thirty second pause, he said "Amen. God bless you all."
Shane stood up, and had to stifle a yawn as he stretched to work the kinks out of his legs. As they entered the gentle sunshine, he endured the pastor fawning all over his father and mother, as well as the banal compliments the pastor gave to Shane on his following in his father's footsteps. The irony of this moved Shane to hide a snicker behind a contrived sneeze.
Shane and his parents said their goodbyes as they made their way back to the car. The return trip was made in silence, as generally was the case after attendance at church. About fifteen minutes later, they pulled up in the driveway, and before they could get out of the car, Shane spoke up.
He said, "Dad, may I go and visit a friend of mine for a couple of hours? We've got to work on a school project." He hoped this was general enough to cover any questions that might crop up.
The reply was straightforward. "Very well. But be back before supper - you have school tomorrow!"
"Ok. I've just got to get a few things, and I'll be going out soon after."
As with other such discussions, his father curtly nodded and strode towards the front door, followed by his mother.
Shane went over to his car and started the engine. As he let the car warm up, he went inside the house, gathered his books and made a quick phone call to check in with Robin. As it turned out, it would not be a problem for Shane to come over for a bit; he then got directions, and ended the call. He went back outside, got into his car, and pulled out onto the road.
11:45 AM
Shane pulled off the road onto the shoulder in front of Robin's house, parked the car and killed the engine. He paused before exiting the car to look at the house before him; it was painted brown, one floor, with a one-car garage and a spot off to the side for another car to be parked, which was currently taken up by Robin's car. He guessed that Robin's parents used the garage for their presumably better car.
The house seemed to radiate a kind of gentle acceptance. Was that just Shane's imagination, or was it actually a property of the house and the people who lived in it that he was sensing? Who knew. Psychic phenomena weren't his bag.
Shane walked up to the door, and knocked twice. The door swung open about ten seconds later to reveal a man in his middle-forties who resembled Robin. His guess was proven correct as the man extended his hand for a handshake, which Shane took, and said, "Hi. I'm Eric, Robin's dad. He's told me a bit about you."
Shane, covering his slight unease, bantered, "Nothing bad, I hope."
"Not at all. Please come in; just take your shoes off and leave them beside the door."
Having done so, Shane followed Eric to a room which had a window looking out onto the road. He could see his car, and the houses opposite. A couch sat parallel to the window, facing the wall opposite, and Robin was sitting at one end of it. His smile at Shane's entrance was unconsciously answered with a return smile, and the woman in an easy chair in a corner chuckled as Eric seated himself in a twin of the easy chair near his wife. Between them was a stereo set, and the rest of the room was well-appointed but not oppressively so; a painting of an unidentified couple walking along a beach in the evening sun adorned the wall opposite the window, and some potted plants inhabited the room as well. An ordinary wooden chair occupied the space underneath the painting, and it was currently empty.
Ann had noticed the looks on their faces when they saw each other as Shane entered the room, and had not been able to restrain a chuckle. She recalled how it was when she and Eric had first been in the same room together with other people, and the same comments were made then as she was thinking now: "The two of them really do seem to go together, and they really do like each other." She then recalled, again, how Robin looked so much the spitting image of her brother and how his slightly crooked grin matched one she saw almost two decades later.
Ann roused herself from the world of memory, and spoke. "Hi. I'm Ann, Robin's mother, and I think I heard you, Eric, introducing yourself to Shane." At a nod from her husband, she continued. "Shane, I hope it won't seem like a breach of privacy if we let you know that after Robin got back from seeing you, he couldn't help but pour out the story of how his world got shaken up yesterday."
Shane shyly shook his head, as he marvelled at how different this family, this house, felt than his own. The acceptance and understanding that he could see in the faces of Robin's parents made him wonder, again, why his own parents had to be so unwilling to let things be, to stop trying to fit the entire world into their mold.
But Ann was continuing: "Shane, we want you to know that we will never condemn you for being a homosexual, or for having a relationship with our son. However, there are some ground rules that Eric and I would like to set if you two will be going beyond grinning at each other like that in each others' presence."
Eric said, "Shane - your father and I knew each other years ago; I hope I'm not overstepping boundaries here by saying I can relate to how he sees the world, and how he would react if he knew about this. However, this isn't the time to go deeper into that. Ground rules: we won't mind if you kiss or hug in front of us, seeing as Ann and I do that ourselves." He began blushing, but continued. "Ann and I have a slight difference of opinion on this, so I'll state my side and then she can state hers. In regard to anything further, that is... um, sex... I personally would prefer it if you waited until after you graduate from high school, if you two are still together by then."
Ann continued with, "As Eric said, we discussed this between ourselves and agreed to disagree. I too would prefer it if you waited some time before you engaged in sexual activity, but I'm not going to set a time limit on it. If you are going to do so, then in privacy is my strong suggestion. I would also encourage the use of condoms, for health and disease prevention reasons."
By now, Shane could feel the heat in his face and Robin had turned a rather beautiful shade of red, just as he had the day before.
Eric smiled and said, "I see that you two are probably wishing you weren't listening to us parental units talking about such things. However, it's important that we all understand where we stand and is acceptable and not acceptable. At least I won't have to hear about Robin getting pregnant, unlike Shari!"
Shane wondered aloud, "Where is she, by the way?"
Robin replied, "Mom and Dad wanted this discussion to be private, so they asked her if she could be out of the house for a while. Turned out she was going to visit a friend of hers anyway."
Shane had to ask. "Um, does she know?"
"Yeah. After I told Mom and Dad about... us, yesterday, they decided Shari had to know since she was going to figure it out sooner or later. She took it pretty well, actually, and started bugging me as to who I thought was the cutest. I had to give her my biased opinion, however."
Laughs could be heard from all four in the room at that last. When it subsided, Shane wanted to follow up on that comment he'd heard about his and Robin's fathers knowing each other. He began with, "Um.. Mr. Peterson--"
Eric interposed gently, "I think formality is a little out of place here. Call me Eric."
Shane continued the inquiry. "Ah, Eric... anyway, I was wondering if you could elaborate on my Dad and you knowing each other. I guess I just can't get over how different you two are."
Eric replied, "That's not surprising. I used to be as bad as he still is, but even after I ended up leaving the church, Don and I occasionally ran into each other. For some reason, he never shut me out entirely. I fully expected him to after I didn't show up to church and stopped making excuses. Yes, he did spit fire and brimstone after hearing that I was leaving and that was really all there was to it, but even then, if we ran into each other around town he would still go through the hello-how-are-you bit. I know I saw you, Shane, with he and his wife, Nancy, every now and then, but I doubt you'd remember me, as Don ended up getting that job at the pulp mill and becoming a part-time guest speaker at the Baptist church, so we really began running in different circles.
"The reason I gave to Don and the pastor for leaving church was that I felt I could better serve God in a different way; that was true enough as far as it goes, but it wasn't the whole truth. Another reason I left was due to an argument Ann and I had had after I made a thoughtless comment about homosexuals ages ago. She blew up, no mincing words here, she really blew up, and I learned why after she told me that her brother was a homosexual. It made me think, and learn.
"I'm afraid I've digressed from your original question, but I hope you've been answered satisfactorily."
Shane nodded.
Ann spoke up. "It's now about 12:15, and I think we've had enough serious discussion for the day, if not a whole week. We've got some lunch, if you feel up to it, Shane. Otherwise we three will be eating shortly."
Shane said, "Thank you. I'm actually feeling a little hungry."
"Well then, without further ado, let's get to the kitchen table."
Lunch turned out to be cold cuts, crackers with a selection of toppings from cheddar cheese to sausage slices, and ham and cheese sandwiches with brown bread.
Eric, midway through a sandwich, made an inquiry of Shane. "Shane, when you graduate from high school, what will you do?"
Shane replied, "I'm hoping to get into a university in Vancouver. Hopefully I'll be able to say there without having to come back home at all."
Eric sympathized with the young man's desire to stay away from his parents, but regretted the circumstances under which it had to occur. He asked, "What will you major in? Robin here can't decide yet." He playfully poked Robin in the shoulder and received a mock-frown in response.
Shane said, "I've been thinking. I know I'd like to teach. Whether elementary school or high school I don't know yet. I might change my mind again, so I'd like to keep my options open."
"Smart move. Hopefully, both of you will decide well, and have good lives."
Conversation was limited after that, as the four worked their way through lunch. After no one could eat any more, Robin stood up and took Shane's plate as his parents took their respective plates and put them in the sink. Shane felt a little out of place as the table was rapidly cleared without his assistance. Before he could say anything, Robin was at his side, grabbing his hand and dragging him to Robin's bedroom.
As the door was closed, Shane said, "That was sudden; did your parents say this was OK?"
Robin replied, "Yeah. I asked if we could go when I was over at the sink with my parents."
Robin's room was much like Shane's, but differences could be seen - there were some posters of various music groups on the walls, and Robin's bookcase had a woodcarving of a small totem pole on top of it. All in all, the effect was a much more 'lived-in' look and less like that of an austere hotel room, waiting for the occupant to leave. That comparison, Shane reflected, was all too accurate when applied to his bedroom. Everything he wanted to take with him when going to university would more than fit in the trunk of his Ford.
Robin coyly smiled at Shane as he stepped closer until he was barely two feet away. He placed his hands on Shane's shoulders, and leaned in for a kiss. Shane responded, and fairly soon the heat in the room seemed to creep up as their tongues began to wrestle and Shane's hands roamed. For the first time, his right hand crept below shirt level, and was cupping Robin's firm rear. Robin's moans started with Shane's first grip of Robin's butt, and that emboldened him enough to break the kiss, and run his right and left hands up Robin's stomach and settle them on his chest, which was just a tad less developed than Shane's, but that was to be expected since Shane jogged and used the weight room, while Robin's exercise tended more to walking. He found Robin's nipples with his thumbs, and as he brushed them, Robin gasped.
Pulling away, Shane said, "Did I do something wrong? Are you OK?"
Robin nodded and replied, "Wow! I didn't know I was that sensitive. Be careful, eh?" He grinned.
Shane sat on Robin's bed, and said, "By the way, I hate to change the subject, but I want to talk about the boundaries we're going to draw here. Your mom and dad made some good points earlier today."
Robin spoke by way of agreement, "Yeah. I actually didn't even think about that at all. But I'll let you talk first; you're the one with more 'experience', I guess."
"By virtue of having known I was gay longer, I suppose. OK. I'd like to strike a sort of middle ground between what your mom said and what your dad said. That way we can at least try to respect them both. Of course, my parents would absolutely forbid this completely, so that leaves them out of this." He laughed bitterly, then continued, "I'd like for both of us to wait until next summer, that is, if we're still together. I'll be eighteen then, because my birthday's in April. Come to think of it, when's your birthday?"
"In May. And as for waiting until summer, that sounds like a good choice. If we can hold off, though, I would like to wait until after we graduate - that's about a year after the summer coming up - because that way we'll be honoring both of my parents' requests, and as you said, all this applies if we're still together. I know for a fact that I would like to wait until our 'special occasion' before you..." and here Robin's voice broke and he looked down, then continued in a near-whisper, "take my virginity."
Shane reached out for Robin's hand, who took it, and pulled him forward until Robin was standing directly in front of Shane, then kissed the back of Robin's hand. He looked up into Robin's dark eyes, and spoke earnestly, yet softly. "I'll try my very best to honor that as well. We'll keep talking about it, I promise. And I also want to wait until the 'special occasion' before you take my virginity as well."
Robin knelt in front of Shane, and took both his hands. He kissed the back of each one, and then said, "Shane, I think if I were to die today, I would die a very happy person. If this is a dream, let it continue to be a dream, because you're one very special person. I promise you that even if something happens to pull us apart, you will always hold a special place in my heart, and short of you physically or emotionally harming me, nothing can make me hate you."
Shane could only nod silently as he stood up, and pulled Robin up as well for a kiss on the lips. He then changed the subject again with an effort. He said, "Robin, I hope I won't sound silly for changing the subject like this, but I can't stay too long; I told my dad I was coming over here to work on a school project. But there is one thing you should know, too. I would never hurt you; I'd die before I raised a hand to you in anger. I, too, will keep a place in my heart for you, even if something ever breaks us up. I'll go out on a limb, though, and say that I don't think anything ever will."
"I wish I had your certainty. I do have a feeling that all this... what's happening to us, is a good thing, but I can't help but be a little unsure at times."
Shane's answer to that was a kiss on Robin's nose. He was rewarded by a slight blush on Robin's face and a bashful smile. He then indicated the door, and Robin's nod showed his understanding. Before he could turn to leave, however, Robin's hand reached up to run through Shane's hair, then dropped to his shoulder, then his chest, stopping over his heart. Shane could feel his heart's thumping as Robin's hand rested near the spot. Finally, Robin's hand withdrew, and Shane left the room to put on his shoes at the front door. Before he could open it, though, a girl burst in and nearly nailed Shane's nose with the door as she flung it open.
Breathlessly, she took off her shoes, and then reappraised Shane. She eyed him thoroughly, and then snapped her fingers in frustration as she realized who he was. He giggled as she stuck her hand out and said, "Excuse me for looking you up and down like that, but I'd forgotten why Mom and Dad wanted me to clear out. You're Shane, aren't you?"
Shane shook hands with her and replied, "Yes. I was actually just about to leave. You're Shari, right?"
"Yep. What a bummer. Here we are saying hi-bye to each other superfast. Maybe next time I'll get a chance to say more than a few words to you."
Shane nodded, and then was taken aback as Shari lowered her voice and said, "By the way, if you ever hurt my brother I'll personally kick your ass."
Shane raised his hands in surrender and said, "There is no way in the world I would ever dare do that. I promise."
She grinned, satisfied, then waved and dashed into the kitchen. Shane, for his part, left and closed the door behind him, then got in his car and drove away...
A picture of the sculpture near Nikita Khrushchev's grave can be found at http://www.findagrave.com/pictures/579.html
That ends part 11.