SEXY LITTLE THINGS Chapter 4: U-N-I BB Pairing: Randy Orton/John Cena
WWE Slash Fiction
"There, done! Give me them points!"
"Ugh John..."
"What?"
"Phonecrastinate is not a word dummy."
"Yes it is! I just said it. Phonecrastinate. How isn't it a word if I can say it?"
"It's not in the dictionary, not like it would be anyways you idiot. Besides, the ability to say a word isn't grounds enough for it to be a legit word. It has to be in the dictionary."
"I'm sorry Randy if you have a hard time grasping this very simple concept but Phonecrastinate is indeed a legit word. I use it all the time."
"No you don't! I've not once heard you say the word Phonecrastinate. And what exactly does Phonecrastinate mean anyways? Not like I'm dying to know or anything."
"Phonecrastinate; verb. Meaning: `to put off answering the phone until the caller ID displays the incoming name and number, allowing you to effectively screen a caller and put that bitch on Voice Mail if need be'."
"Really John, really? Are you serious?"
"Yes. Don't act like you don't do the same too. It's a known fact that 99.233451986322% of the planet's population with access to a phone does it. Telemarketers and Debt Collectors around the world are butthurt over the invention of Caller ID."
"Butthurt?!? Wha-- you know what? I don't' want to know. First you make up a word so you can win some stupid game, and now your giving me bogus statistics on phone users too?"
"First of all RANDALLI didn't make up that word, and second, I read that phone statistic on Distilled dot com. Now give me them points please kind sir! It is Valentine's Day after all. Don't you L.O.V.E, L.O.V.E., L.O.O.O.V.E. me?"
"No."
"R.A.N.D.Y.Y.Y. B.B. Y. R. U. L. V. N. M.E.--"
"GOD YOU DO THIS EVERY FUCKING TIME WE PLAY SCRABBLE! IF YOU CAN'T FOLLOW THE RULES THEN I WON'T EVEN ATTEMPT TO PLAY THIS FUCKING GAME WITH YOU ANYMORE. THE RULES ARE SIMPLE, YOU CAN SPELL OUT ANY WORD WITH YOUR LETTER PIECES AS LONG AS IT'S IN THE DICTIONARY. YOU CAN'T JUST MAKE UP WORDS--"
"i'm not making up words dear. Phonecrastinate IS a real word. Just calm down baby. It's not serious."
"Don't tell me to calm down Cena. This weekend is a total bust and I'm pissed off."
"Look, I'm sorry we couldn't go to Aspen for Valentine's Day like you wanted. I'm Sorry but I just didn't want to be in Colorado all weekend with a vomiting Michael Cole bunking next door to our cabin. Something he ate must have been pretty vile for him to get sick like that so quickly. Jerry is taking care of him though."
"Well that's what he gets for eating Grilled Shrimp Alfredo given to him by an unknown person. He deserves what he got."
"Sure Randy. Now back to my points..."
"Oh yeah? Here John, take this laptop and type that made-up word in the search bar. Find Phonecrastinate for me, right now, do it. Bet you can't."
"Baby, you should realize I can do anything."
"Sure John..."
"Alright. Here. Phonecrastinate. There."
"What the fuck? What is this?"
"UrbanDictionary dot com"
"Unbelievable..."
"You told me to find Phonecrastinate in a dictionary and I did. There, clearly I have defeated you. Now those points please?"
"This isn't Webster's John, therefore it doesn't count! No points for you. Now if you wanna spell out something else your more than willing to do so, otherwise I'm going to bed early tonight."
"Alright fine. Just give me a second...There. Done."
"C-E-N-T-O-N...John, what the fuck is Centon?"
"That's how I spell you and I baby. Happy Valentine's Day Randy."