M Title: Set Adrift Author: Jezebel the Temptress Feedback: eh_oh_po@yahoo.com
Disclaimers: This story is fiction and it is not intended to imply anything about the true sexuality of the celebrities mentioned or any personal knowledge about their private lives. If you are underage for your area or if it is illegal for you to look at this why not go somewhere else, if you don't like the thought of two men together in a loving, sexual way this isn't for you either.
Summary: Nick finds out that one small act can have severe repercussions for a long time to come. Who would have thought that one kiss could cause so much pain?
Notes: This is my first story to the archive, I've written a little before but no real slash in this arena. Please send feedback so I know if you like it and where you think this ought to go. I know that sex isn't the be all and end all of a relationship so it might not feature too strongly in the main story but there will be some of it along the way.
The dates might be a little messed up but I wanted this to fit into a specific timeline and all of the major events will still happen, just in a shorter space of time.
Check out the following stories by the authors that inspire me: On the Streets (BSB - Kevin) Under Management (Nsync - Lance) Brian and Me (BSB) JC's Hitchhiker (Nsync) Double Take (BSB) My New Life (Nsync)
The club was busy. It had been a while since he had actually been there, prefering instead to have a manager run the place as Drew had done and spending his time with the accounts and other business that he had to take care of. The last thing he wanted was to rehash the memories of his former relationship but Steve had suggested that they go out and this was apparently the bar to be seen in at the moment. Steve mentioned it to Sully and he had stupidly said that he could get them in. Watching the other man's face light up when he had spoken those words was almost worth reliving the pain of being with Drew.
It had been a long time since Sully had cared about a friend as much as he did with Steve, the other man was kind, generous and amiable and made Sully smile again. Making him happy for the first time in six months.
Since their fateful meeting at the corner of whatever street they had been on the pair had become friends, at least they had been out twice since for coffee. If he was not still grieving for his lover and nursing the five year old wounds over the man he hopelessly loved Sully would have labelled this night out as he and Steve's first official date. Of course he did not know that Steve was gay but the other man had suggested "Home", a bar frequented by many gay people with anything goes atmosphere as their destination. That had to say something about him.
As it turned out it was also to do with the fact that "Home" was one of the largest and more exclusive clubs in New York, of course that had slipped Sully's attention for the most part, he had not noticed the growing queues or increased popularity as it was months since he had actually been there, he had seen the increase in profits but put it down to good management. How was he to know that the club regularly turned away custom after 11pm as the bar was full?
Steve met him outside, slightly worried that the line was already three deep and a few feet long, he hoped that whatever Sully had planned was going to work or else they would end up at the diner around the corner - not that it mattered but he would prefer to spend some time in the club. Maybe they should have arrived earlier.
"Hi." Sully said smoothly as he saw the well dressed Steve who stood out in his relatively plain blue jeans and dark blue shirt. There was something distinctly ordinary about the other man and yet Sully saw something in him that made him stand out, he just didn't know what it was. "You ready?"
"Are you sure you can get us in?" Steve asked, looking uncertain as he saw another group join the end of the line. "We can always try somewhere else."
"Nonsense." Sully said, as if it was easy to get in to the exclusive club. He held out a hand for Steve and smiled when it was taken. Without thinking Sully manouvered them past the red rope that held in the crowd and to the front of the line.
"I'm sorry sir, there is a..." The bouncer began, at least until he saw the face of the customer that was pushing in. "Please go in Mr. Sullivan." He said, automatically opening the barrier for his boss, a little surprised to see him there and with a guest but he was not one to gossip. Especially not when his boss slipped him a few dollars and then smiled.
The crowd seemed a little annoyed that someone who was not a celebrity could get in with no hassles, they had waited for a while and were still waiting to be let in, hoping that someone would leave so that they could take their place.
Steve was in the corridor and following Sully for a moment before he pulled his hand away and caused Sully to turn to face him.
"Why is there a picture of you behind the bar?" Steve asked as he pointed to a photograph that took pride of place amongst a number of others on the back wall. Sully blanched a little as he looked up, seeing the candid shot of himself and Drew when his lover had been alive and the pair had been very much in love.
"It's his bar." A voice from behind him said and they both turned to see the barman holding out a bottle of Tequila and two shot glasses. "The usual?" He asked, ignoring Steve in favour of the man that paid his wages, or at least signed the check.
"No, just two beers." He answered, Steve looked up at him questioningly. "Beer okay?" Sully asked belatedly. Steve nodded but did not let up with his gaze, there were questions to be answered and he wanted to know what those answers were.
So much for a quiet night.
"Will you bring the drinks through to the office?" Sully asked and the barman nodded an affirmative to his boss.
Sully wondered if he would get out of this unscathed or if he was again about to lose a friend. He wondered how many more he would lose before he got his shot at happiness. He hoped that he would not lose Steve at all and that maybe this time he would find that light that was at the end of his five year long tunnel.
Nick had been in the city two days just looking around, checking out a few places and catching up with a few old friends, it was really the only way that he would make it in the city without being spotted. If he got those visits and favours out of the way he could guarantee some privacy. That was why on his third night in the city he was finally at the club that he wanted to be in, the club owned, at least as far as he had found out, by one Andrew Fitzpatrick. A man that was now dead.
The obituary had named Sully as his lover, and Nick was here to see if he could find that man, he hoped that he had better luck than his investigator and armed with a few pictures that he had covertly taken from AJ and Howie and with a few hundred dollars to sweeten the deal he was in search of someone that knew the whereabouts of Alexander Sullivan.
It was proving harder than he thought possible. People were either not telling him everything or the man that he showed them in the pictures did not exist, at least not to these people, even at the bar there was no answers. He saw the barman fiddling with a few things behind the bar and adjusting the pictures that hung there but when asked what he was doing the barman replied cleaning and then got Nick a drink. There was definitely something odd going on here but Nick could not for the life of him work out what it was. With a sigh he headed off back to his hotel to consider further leads. No wonder the investigator had wanted him out here to look, he was sure that the other man had no luck, he certainly had not.
Meanwhile in the office at the back of the bar Sully was just finishing his story, one that left out any mention of the Backstreet Boys but that had explained to Steve how a 23 year old ended up with a bar, an apartment and a dead lover to mourn.
"So Drew left everything to you?" Steve asked, almost as if he did not believe that the pair had been together a little over two years and that Sully was Drew's sole beneficiary.
"Yeah." He replied, a little guilty. "Drew knew that he was dying, and he changed his will a few months before he died and left it all to me but there is not a day that goes by that I wouldn't trade it in to be with him." Sully knew that it was the type of thing that people always said but as with most cliches that was because it was true, he may not have loved Drew as much as he would have liked to but that did not mean that he did not love him.
"I know what you mean." Steve said, he had lost friends and could only begin to imagine what it would mean to lose someone who meant more to him than that. He had only been in love once and that was enough to swear him off love for a lifetime. "What did your family think about you suddenly getting all of this inheritance?"
Sully's face clouded and Steve wondered if he had asked the wrong question, maybe they had not accepted the fact that he was gay and had disowned him. Steve had never really thought of it that way before, had never really had to think of it in that way.
"I'm sorry..." Steve began but Sully shook his head.
"No, it's just that I don't really see them anymore." Sully replied but his face was closed and blank as if he did not want to show any emotion. Steve wondered if there was bad blood there or if it was just something that Sully regretted, either way it was clear that it was not something that the other man wanted to talk about.
"Yeah. I wish I saw my family more often too." Steve agreed, trying to take some of the pain out of the words that Sully had spoken but really Steve was planning how he could give his new friend the taste of home that he so clearly missed. He wondered if his Mom would mind an extra mouth to feed at dinner that Sunday, usually she didn't mind and it was not like it would be the first time that he had brought someone home.
"Anyway, we came here to dance and party. I think that we ought to do some of that before it's too late." Sully said, clearly changing the subject completely. This only made Steve more determined to take his friend to Sunday dinner, family was clearly a big issue for the other man and Steve wanted him to experience it from the other view. Not all families had issues and maybe Sully needed a loving family around him to help him get over whatever problems he had with his own. A loving family was one thing that Steve had an abundance of and he was quite willing to share.
"I can't come out there at the moment Howard I'm busy." Nick said, admonishing his friend as he sat in the bar/café and spoke over the phone. He was trying to remain incognito but it was not helping his disguise when he was caught talking to a 'Howie' on the phone while he looked like a 'Nick'. He wasn't really sure that he would be recognised anyway but the last thing he wanted was some fans mobbing him and it appearing in the local tabloids, that would seriously diminish the small amount of hope that he had in finding Sully.
"Nickolas, Alex really needs us all around him right now, and you especially have some work to do." Howie argued, knowing that they needed some sort of reconciliation before they went back on the road or else they would never get anywhere. Howie had always been the mediator of the group so with this latest spat he felt the need to get into the middle of it, not only for the band but for the sake of his friends.
"He won't forget this one in a hurry." Nick said. "It's not like the time I put Nair in his soap or switched his dyes over from black to bleach. This was serious."
"All the more reason for you to apologise. The sooner you get it over with the sooner the pair of you can start to mend your broken friendship." Howie said arbitrarily "Don't you think that you've done enough damage to your relationship already without adding the agony of an extended period of silence?"
"I'm dealing with this in my own way." Nick said with a sigh, knowing that the others would think that his plan was flawed but that this was the only way he could make it up to AJ, as if he was realigning some karmic balance or other. "Tell him I sent my love and my best wishes. I wish I could be there with him." Nick said.
"You could if you really wanted to but maybe Alex was right, maybe you were never really his friend in the first place." Howie said angrily before Nick heard the dial tone.
Nick knew that it was bad, Howie Dorrough was not known as Sweet D because of a prediliction for sugar, it was because he was kind and caring, for him to hang up on someone meant that they had done a very bad thing. He could only begin to wonder how much damage his absence was causing but Nick wanted to find Sully and send him back to AJ so that all would be forgiven or at least so that the pair would be friends again. Nick was not sure that AJ or Sully would ever forgive him totally, he could not blame them either but if nothing else it would alleviate his own guilt.
Nick took a sip of his luke warm coffee and looked over the notes that he had made. They were not very extensive, only a bare skeleton of what he knew about Sully's life and yet as he looked at it he could see the life of the man that he had ruined, that he had forced to leave his best friend and move away from his home. Nick didn't know the reasons behind the move but he was sure that he was responsible for the changes that Sully had made; the main one being leaving AJ behind.
There was a whole bunch of dead ends when it came to finding Sully, he was either Harry Houdini and good at escaping or he was being hidden, either way Nick was not sure that he had any way of tracing Alexander Sullivan, at least not until the other man wanted to be found. At first Nick had wondered if he could bribe someone into telling him what he wanted to know but so far that had not worked, neither had asking questions or just waiting for people to talk to him.
Nick wanted to give up but this was his pennance, there was the physical part of course, his hand still bound in bandages ached each time he flexed his fingers but he needed to clean his conscience too. Finding Sully was the only way to do that and so far he was failing, he wondered if that meant he was failing at life in general too.
As he was about to order a second cup of coffee to replace the now cold one, Nick saw a face he thought he recognised, it was a little older than before, a few days of designer stubble marred the naturally youthful looks but Nick would recognise that face anywhere. The boy had not changed much in those two years, he was still wearing leather trousers that cupped his fuckable ass and showed off what was one of his best assets and he was still surrounded by a small group of friends; ones that Nick assumed looked out for him in the way that his band mates had always looked out for him. Ben's friends all had the same look of protectiveness that Kevin, Brian, Howie and at one time AJ had displayed.
Nick remembered the one night of passion he had shared with the man, not only because it was one of his hottest but because it was onle of his last. The morning after their session when Ben had gone to leave Nick had felt as used and neglected as any number of men that he had taken home for a night of carnal pleasure and then unceremoniously dumped in the cold light of day. It was as if he had been shown a mirror image of himself and after studying his reflection had been left wanting. Now he barely had sex with anyone and felt the better for it, he would rather be stuck with his own hand than the feeling in the pit of his stomach that he was dumping some guy just as he had once been dumped.
Nick wondered if Ben would remember him and if he would have any ideas about people to ask about to see if they knew Sully. Nick supposed that it was worth a shot, as desperate as he was anything was worth a shot. So, instead of ordering another cup of coffee Nick grabbed up the few possessions he had with him, threw down a few bills for what he had eaten and drunk and then moved over to the table where Ben was holding court with his entourage of friends. If nothing else Nick wondered if he would end up with another night of carnal pleasure, just because he rarely indulged in sex these days it did not mean that he did not think about it.
"Hi." Nick said softly as he approached the table, feeling a little out of place amongst these obviously loud and proud gay men. He could not count the number of pins, triangles, rainbows and other assorted paraphenalia that these men had with them that stated they were gay, Nick could never be like that. If the record company could even see him associating with these men they would blow a gasket.
"Can we help you?" One of the other men said, rather rudely, obviously not taking Nick interruption as a good thing. He seemed hostile and Nick thought maybe that was to do with the fact that they faced antagonism a lot, of course it could also just be to do with the fact that the man was mean.
"It's Ben, right?" Nick asked uncertainly as he made eye contact with the ring leader of the group. Ben smiled slightly and nodded but did not speak, apparently he wanted to know what Nick was after just as much as the mean guy. "Look, I don't know if you remember me but I wanted to ask a favour, I know I have no right and..."
"Sure." Ben said, cutting off Nick's babbling. "Take a seat."
No one moved and Nick looked around a moment for a chair before after some cajoling someone shifted over and Nick could sit in the booth with Ben and his physically closest friend. Nick hesitated and Ben rolled his eyes.
"Do you want to maybe go outside for a minute or something?" He asked, Nick let out a breath and nodded thankfully. When Ben stood up the others let them out and then turned back to their own conversations while Nick followed the other man outside to talk.
"Well, what can I do for you?" Ben asked once they were settled outside in the alley behind the café. "I assume that this is more than a sexual favour you're after because you could get that anywhere and from what I hear you never piss in the same pot twice." There was no tone of bitterness in Ben's voice, if anything he sounded more jaded than embittered but to Nick that was just as sad.
"I guess it's a waste of time telling you that those rumours are exaggerated, besides you were right, it's not sexual. I wanted to ask you about this guy." Nick said.
He reached for a picture of Sully that he had enhanced and blown up on his computer. It was now on a piece of A4 paper with the one from the obituary along side it. Nick had xeroxed dozens of copies of the pictures so that he could show them around, leaving them with barstaff or waiters at various clubs with his telephone number and a number for an answer service that he checked daily. He knew that giving out his cell number was risky but it was the only way he could be contacted.
"What do you want with him?" Ben asked suspiciously and Nick could almost see the barriers going up around Alexander Sullivan again, he did not know why but he was being protected. He was almost certain that Ben knew something but he could see that there was little chance of getting the direct answer that he had hoped for.
"Well it's not likely that he got me pregnant but he did run out on a friend of mine." Nick said, knowing that it sounded as if he was implying that Sully had gotten someone else pregnant. He could see the sparkle of amusement in Ben's eyes and wondered if that meant the other man knew Sully. If he knew that Sully were gay then he would not believe the pregnancy story for a moment but then Nick had not actually mentioned that Sully had gotten anyone pregnant, just that he had not.
"I might have seen him around. Does he know that you're out looking?" Ben asked suspiciously. "Maybe this guy doesn't want to be found."
"I just want to talk to him." Nick said, not bothering to mention that the talk he wanted involved him begging and grovelling until Sully agreed to go back with him and helped him to make AJ happy again. At the very least he would ask Sully to go for a brief visit to his friend, just until AJ was better and was speaking to him again.
"Well, maybe I can put out the word that you want to speak to him." Ben said. "You got a number where he can reach you?"
Nick thought for a moment, a little sceptical about trusting this man and wondering why he had ever thought that a one night stand a long time ago would make Ben the right man to help him. Nick decided that this was the only lead he had at the moment and however basic it was what he had to do. Taking out a card and pen he wrote his cell number on the back of the piece of card that already had the details for contacting him through the Firm. He handed it over and hoped that he could trust Ben not to sell the details on, it was mad he knew because he had handed out the information to a dozen strangers in the last few days but giving it to someone that he had fucked and that had fucked him seemed more dangerous somehow.
"I'll be in the city at least for a few more days." Nick said. "Then I'll be off work for another week or two so I can fly out anytime to meet him." He did not want to sound too eager but maybe this was a start. It was certainly further than he had been in the last few days.
"Okay." Ben said. "I'll see what I can do."
"Thanks." Nick said with a gentle smile. Ben leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on Nick's lips.
"Anytime." Came the casual reply as Ben headed back inside to his friends. As he watched the back of the retreating figure Nick was almost glad that he had given up that lifestyle, he wanted to actually care about things and more importantly about people and apathy did not allow him that, neither did casual sex. Nick had once believed that all of those one night stands would lead to him finding true love, or at least it had been a distant dream, now all that mattered was finding someone else's man and getting the pair back together. Nick was fully aware that he was just not the type to settle down, after all who would want him anyway?
It was late and he was tired, he mused as he headed back to the hotel, it was probably too late to hit "Home" anyway, the club would be getting busy by the time he had washed up and changed into more suitable clubbing gear. Nick decided to stay in that night and buy a movie instead.
He wondered if Sully was really out there and if so what he was doing. Nick knew that he had to find the other man but his question was how, it was not as if the other man was just going to fall into his lap.
Sully woke with a start, not realising until he was fully awake where he was. It had been a long time since he had slept in another man's bed and to wake up in the unfamiliar apartment only increased his anxiety at having stayed. He should have left the night before, there was nothing that had forced him to stay and yet here he was, the next morning with the guilt in his mind and the heaviness of his heart.
He could smell the coffee in the next room and pulling on his pants he walked out into the next room, pausing only to pull on his T-shirt, he left his feet bare and felt the coolness of the shiny polished boards beneath his feet. This was definitely not his apartment, not the one that he had shared with Drew.
"Hi." Steve said with a smile as he held out a cup of steaming black coffee, when he took a small experimental sip Sully was surprised to taste the two sugars that he took already added. It was a testament to just how much time the pair had spent together and how often they drank coffee. "Did you sleep well?"
Sully blushed a little at the question and then nodded.
"Yeah, thanks. Your bed is really comfortable." Sully said, not really sure what else he could say.
"Well, it's only a spare room but you were pretty out of it last night. The last thing I wanted was you driving home alone." Steve said. "I'm surprised that you aren't more hungover this morning." It was a comment, no real question and yet Sully was sure that he ought to dignify it with a response.
"I never really do get hangovers, I guess it's some sort of apology for the fact that I can't take so much as a Tylenol without reacting really badly. Any drugs knock me completely out, drink doesn't affect me."
"Cool." Steve said, apparently that was explanation enough for whatever it was that he was seeking from Sully. He moved back into the Kitchen then and Sully could smell something cooking. "I hope that Bacon and eggs is okay, I didn't have much else."
"That's fine." Sully said. "Usually I only get cereal or something."
"Well, as long as you're not one of these people that swears by their cereal we ought to be fine." Steve said as if it was some kind of private joke, Sully didn't get it but supposed that he wasn't supposed to. He contented himself with watching the other man cook in the small kitchen and poured himself another coffee as soon as the first one was gone.
A few minutes later Steve put a plate of eggs and bacon in front of him and took the seat on the other side of the counter. Steve's apartment was small, a kitchen with breakfast bar that led into a larger lounge area and then a hall off of which came two bedrooms and a bathroom. A final room at the end of the hall that Sully supposed was Steve's studio finished it off. It was large enough for a single guy, too small for a family but then again Steve was alone and it was probably enough for him.
"So..." Steve said around a mouthful of scrambled eggs. "I've kind of got this thing to go to today. It's a family thing and I was wondering..."
Sully could see where this was going, Steve was angling for him to go with him, he knew that Steve worried that Sully did not get out enough but the last thing he needed was a million and one people that he didn't know trying to make small talk with him as they were really wondering what their beloved son/nephew/grandson Steven was doing with this moron.
"I ought to go by the club." Sully said, wanting to avoid the question that he could feel was coming.
"You haven't been there in months." Steve said. "Or at least you hadn't before the other night. What will one more day matter? You said yourself that the manager runs it perfectly well without you."
"I..." Sully tried but Steve was persistent, wanting nothing more than to get his friend to spend time around people and try to reenter the real world. Granted his own family were not all that normal but it would be a start and would be less daunting than the club.
"Nonsense." Steve said. "You're coming with me."
Sully could not help but agree, he was not really one for a confrontation and would rather avoid any argument if it were possible. He graciously acquiesced to Steve's suggestion and after they had cleared the breakfast dishes he found himself dressed in a borrowed shirt and his pants from the day before. Apparently he was going to be meeting some of Steve's family and they were having a small gathering. His friend was a little shady on the details of why exactly the gathering was taking place, Sully assumed visiting relatives or something but Sully had no idea what he would face when they got there nor what it would mean for he and Steve. At that moment his only real apprehension was about the people that would be there and meeting them, he was not really a people person and he was worried that they would not accept him. Steve did not seem to care about that he wanted to help his friend, he did not know either how significant the meeting would be.