Title: Set Adrift Part 3 Author: Jezebel the Temptress Feedback: eh_oh_po@yahoo.com
Disclaimers: This story is fiction and it is not intended to imply anything about the true sexuality of the celebrities mentioned or any personal knowledge about their private lives. If you are underage for your area or if it is illegal for you to look at this why not go somewhere else, if you don't like the thought of two men together in a loving, sexual way this isn't for you either.
Summary: Nick finds out that one small act can have severe repercussions for a long time to come. Who would have thought that one kiss could cause so much pain?
Notes: This is my first story to the archive, I've written a little before but no real slash in this arena. Please send feedback so I know if you like it and where you think this ought to go. I know that sex isn't the be all and end all of a relationship so it might not feature too strongly in the main story but there will be some of it along the way.
The dates might be a little messed up but I wanted this to fit into a specific timeline and all of the major events will still happen, just in a shorter space of time.
Check out the following stories by the authors that inspire me: On the Streets (BSB - Kevin) Under Management (Nsync - Lance) Brian and Me (BSB) JC's Hitchhiker (Nsync) Double Take (BSB) My New Life (Nsync) Crossing Boundaries (98 degrees) Blind Revolution (Nsync)
Three Years Later
Nick Carter sat in the bar watching as the same faces that he had seen in his short life walked past. Not that he was a frequent user of this bar, he didn't have a local bar thanks to his travelling and he was pretty sure that he had never been here before in his life and yet he knew all of the people. They were the same wherever he went, no matter what country or state he was in.
There were the young boys in the corner, out for the first or second time and shyly watching the other men there, trying not to be noticed in their viewing because they were used to sneaking glances in the locker rooms. Then there were the older men, those that were here for one of two reasons, some looking for some fresh meat and others looking for that one true love and not knowing yet that this was the last place to look. Finally there were the young people, the ones between the new faces and the older men, the more jaded young men that had fucked their way through half the city, Nick supposed that if he was slotted in anywhere with these people he was in that final category. He had after all slept with countless men, women and a few times had both and he was jaded about the whole experience. Buy them a drink or dance with them a bit, get their juices flowing and then take them back to his hotel room for a little bit of afterhours fun before kicking them out in the morning. Tonight would be no different, the only certainty of tonight's trip was that he would be taking a boy home because that was what he was in the mood for tonight.
All Nick had to do was decide which one he wanted being pretty sure that whichever he chose they would soon come back with him, because he had a penchant for the inexperienced and they were more than willing to bed a popstar, especially one as cute as him. Nick was not bigheaded in this belief, they all told him as much and he didn't care how many of their friends they told that they had bedded Nick Carter, no one would believe them the next day and he would certainly not call at their door again. Nick never made any promises, he didn't say he would call them and then lose the number or kiss them goodbye with the assurance of a second date. At the end of the day it was only Sex and that was all it ever was. He didn't want anything else.
"Hi." The barman said as he came over, smiling lasciviously at Nick as he leaned on the bar, showing off the rippling muscles under the tight uniform T-shirt he wore. Nick was not really into muscle men, it was like having sex with one of the bodyguards and that was a little weird for him but it was nice to know that he attracted all sorts - that the option was there if he ever wanted to experiment.
"What can I get you?" The guy asked looking down at his own package and then back up again. Nick fought the urge to laugh as he answered.
"Tequila." He wanted something that would get him drunk fast in order to get that warm feeling in the pit of his stomach before he started scouting around for the best looking boy to warm his bed that night. "Line 'em up." He said as he laid a twenty on the bar and indicated that he wanted more than one shot.
The barman smiled again, this time flashing an obviously fake gold tooth and a shake of his head showed that he didn't think Nick could take it, he laid out five shot glasses anyway and then ran off five shots like a pro. He handed Nick a salt shaker and the lime to go with it and then watched in awe as the boy downed all five shots, one after the other.
Within five minutes they were all gone and Nick hardly seemed worse for wear, the bartender commented as much. There was one thing that Nick could say for his drinking, he had started early and he was definitely able to hold his alcohol. The European bars where absinthe and moonshine were still legal had taught him that and the nights in a hotel room with a couple of willing and a few willing bodies had reiterated it for him.
Nick slid off of his bar stool and went off to find the man that he was going to fuck that night, heading directly for the small and crowded dance floor he did not know that he was being watched from the other side of the room by one of the bar's other patrons. He was too busy looking for the right man, or at least the right man for tonight.
Nick knew when he had spotted him, long, lean and dark haired Nick liked the boy immediately and the leather trousers that nicely encased his bubble butt were just an additional bonus. Licking his lips Nick headed over and took advantage of the guy's bare back to grind against him. He moved to the rhythm of the music and was glad that all of his work involved so much dancing, it was certainly a good way to attract the boys and an even better way to keep in shape.
The young man turned to see the blonde that was behind him, slightly shaggy unkempt hair and green eyes that bored into him made the leather clad man smile, he had known that these pants were a great idea. Rubbing back against the man that was grinding into his ass the boy was glad to get a reaction almost straight away, feeling his dance partner harden as they simulated sex on the dance floor. He had removed his shirt earlier from the heat of dancing and now he felt the buttons of the blonde's shirt gently grazing the bare skin of his back, it was strangely erotic to know that there was only a thin layer of cotton between them.
"What's your name?" The blonde whispered into his partner's ear, Nick wanted to show to the other man that he cared, even though chances are he would have forgotten the boy's more than once before the night was through.
In his many travels and conquests Nick had found that the easiest way into someone's pants was to pretend that you were interested in them, and Nick was used to feigning interest from the amount of interviews that he had sat through where he faced the same questions over and over again until he was sick of telling then that Blue was his favourite colour or that he was currently listening to In Utero by Nirvana.
"Ben." The dark haired man replied, leaning over his own shoulder to see Nick's face. "And you're Nick." He replied with a smile.
"So you know me?" Nick said, turning his partner so that they were now face to face and pulling him closer so that Ben could feel the full effect of his grinding. As Nick pulled him closer Ben could feel the erect nipples beneath the thin shirt, they rubbed against his own. Ben smiled smoothly and nodded in answer to Nick's question, biting his lip and trying to get his raring libido under control before he spoke again.
"Your prowess is reknowned." Ben said with a smile, flirting with Nick, who was his second favourite popstar after Justin Timberlake, not that he was going to tell Nick that he was second, not now that he was almost certain he was going home with the Backstreet Boy. "Let's just say that I've heard your not only big in the pop charts."
Ben's innuendo was accompanied by a caress of Nick's cock which he gave a light squeeze, causing Nick's already hard cock to throb with need. It had been a few days since they had been in any large city so he had been beating off on the bus instead of bedding down in a hotel with another fan, it meant that his body cried out for the touch of someone else, especially there. He knew that any attempt at seduction was pointless, Ben was pretty much a sure thing and he needed it tonight, needed a good, hard fuck to get rid of some of his raging hormones.
"You want to come back to my hotel?" Nick asked breathily. "I'd really love to check out what you've got underneath those pants."
"Sure." Ben said, placing a gentle kiss on Nick's lips before pulling away. "Just let me tell my friends that I'm leaving with someone." He left out the unspoken part about letting them know who he was leaving with but it was a safety thing that they all observed. The bar was known as a haven but it did not stop the type of events that could happen outside the club and while Ben did not for a moment think Nick would murder him or rape him his friends expected to know who he was with and when.
Nick smiled and watched as Ben went over to a group of slightly older men and leaned in close to one of them, whispering into his ear and telling him of his intentions. One of the group looked over at Nick and scrutinised him closely before saying something harsh to Ben, this was met with a shrug as Ben walked back to Nick, pulling on his shirt as he did so as if he was covering up because he was no longer available.
"What did your friends say?" Nick asked conversationally as he put an arm around Ben's waist and pulled him towards the exit where he knew his bodyguard for the night would be waiting, probably talking shop with one of the bouncers. "It didn't seem like they were too happy that you were going off with me." He said, although there was no sense of remorse in his voice.
"He told me that you'd screw me over and kick me to the kerb in the morning and that I should think with my brain for once instead of my dick." Ben replied, his voice even and not giving anything away.
"What did you say to that?" Nick asked, wondering why it was that Ben didn't seem all too worried that he was going to get dumped in the morning. Nick knew that there was no point denying that he was going to dump the other man, at least not after he had come with him of his own accord apparently knowing what Nick was like.
"I told him that I would have done the same." Ben said with a slight laugh. "It's not like I even want a relationship right now."
"Yeah." Nick said, thinking the same. "I know what you mean."
They got to the exit and Nick was glad that the Limo was already there, evenings in Los Angeles were cool and he didn't want to wait there given how he was dressed, as soon as they got in Ben pulled him to him.
"Do you kiss?" Ben asked his lips almost touching Nick's, as Nick opened his mouth to say yes he had a face full of Ben, kissing him and pulling at his clothes to get at some piece of skin. As the pair began making out in earnest Nick wondered if Ben was the type of guy that liked it rough because he was certainly manhandling Nick a little, whatever they did Nick was sure of one thing, it would at least be one wild night.
To say that he was shocked was an understatement, it had been three years since he had seen the young Nick Carter, since he had kissed him and been forced to change his whole life because of him. Now not so little Nicky Carter was there, had been in the same club as him a few minutes before and Alexander Sullivan was panicked. If they knew that he was there then he was pretty sure that he would get talked into meeting up with them again and he was completely forbidden from seeing a Backstreet Boy, let alone talking to one. In a panic Sully had fled to one corner of the bar and stayed there until he was sure that Nick was gone. He had not even known that they were in the city and he knew that he was letting his guard slip. There was a time when he would have known their schedule off by heart. He would not make that mistake again.
"Xander, baby, Are you okay?"
Sully turned to see his lover behind him, Drew was older than him, with greying temples that made him looked distinguished but he had all of the qualities that he had been looking for in a lover; he was patient and kind, he had a nice smile and a good sense of humour and most of all he didn't really mind that there was still another man in his lover's heart.
"I'm fine." Sully replied, a little too curtly and quickly for it to be believed. Drew knew nothing of his past, he knew that he had run away from something and was hiding a large secret but he never pushed him to reveal it. Just one more thing that he liked about him; Drew respected his privacy and did not force him to talk about the past that so obviously troubled his young lover.
"Do you want to go home?" Drew asked, running a hand across Sully's cheek in a soft carress. He sighed, but not because he wanted to leave but because he could never truly return to the one place that had been home nor to the family that had been his foundation.
"No. You wanted to come here tonight and I don't want to ruin that." Sully said with a tight smile.
"Are you sure?" Drew asked, his voice laced with the concern that showed how much he loved Sully. In some ways that twisted the knife of pain that Sully already felt, because there was no way that he would ever return Drew's love.
"Yeah." Sully said. "I'm fine, honestly. I just want to sit here and think for a bit, okay? Go, have fun. Make people jealous that I am the one that gets to take you home at the end of the night."
Drew smiled and knew that he had to leave his lover alone, there was a time to ask and a time to leave well alone and this was the latter. He just hoped that it was not a wandering eye that Alexander had. He knew that Sully loved another but that the affections were not returned however the last thing he wanted was to be traded in for a younger model.
The pair had been lovers for nearly a year but he knew that the other was still pining for a man that he would never have, he had no inkling as to who this man may be but he was sure that whoever he was had done a good job of making Sully give up any ideas of love. Drew had sought to change that and some days he thought he might have managed to at least put a chink in the armour that his beloved had built up around his heart, then there were days like today when all he saw was the world-weary expression of a lovesick man and hated the world for sending him his soul mate with a tarnished heart. He could not compare to a perfect memory and on days like this he wondered why he bothered. It was strange the things that you are willing to do for love he mused as he headed out to the dance floor to meet with the other people who were looking for love - Drew was lucky to have found it even if it was a little different to what most of us expect.
With one last look at his depressed and pensive lover Drew went out to mingle. At least he could meet with his friends and try to make others smile even if he could not do the same for Sully.
AJ heard them come in, Nick and whoever he had picked up tonight. He groaned as he heard the thud of the headboard on the wall from the room next to his, it was always the way that when he could not sleep Nick had a loud partner or there was only a thin partition wall between them. AJ had long since given up trying to sleep on such nights because without a large amount of whisky or the sleeping pills that he was prescribed he could not do it.
Tonight sleep eluded him for more than the reason of Nick and his loud lovers, tonight it was because he had not wanted to sleep. The last time that he had fallen asleep on this night he had woken up to a changed world, it was not changed in any great way except that his best friend had walked out on him and never looked back. And so every year on June 16th he would not sleep, would hope that somehow his friend would recognise the date too and would want to walk back into his life or would at least try to call him. Sully had been a large part of AJ's life for so long that he wanted him back, even after three years he had not given up hope that one day he would see his friend again.
"Oh Fuck Yeah!!!" A loud scream came from through the thin walls, AJ sighed. Well, at least someone was happy.
Sliding out of bed he decided that if he couldn't sleep he might as well do something else with his time. Taking out his journal, the one that he had kept since he was fourteen and stopped telling his mother everything, AJ turned to the papers that he kept at the back of the leather bound book and pulled out the few most important ones. If he was going to be melancholy he might as well let all of the emotions flood out tonight. It would be cathartic to remember the past that he was trying so hard to leave behind; the past that it seemed no matter how far or how fast he ran he would never escape it.
First was the only picture he had of the man that was his father, but that was not what he wanted to think of tonight, instead he took out the picture of two young boys, both smiling towards the camera with arms around their shoulders. It was he and Sully back when things had been easier, back in the days before the Backstreet Boys or anything else that would come between the best friends. The picture was of them both at thirteen, before either had discovered girls, or boys, and while they were still young enough to have a slight shine of innocence in their otherwise dark eyes. It had been taken after a game of street hockey, the craze for that year, they had both lost but were smiling widely. It was one of his favourite pictures because it reminded him of the good times, the easier times, and the time before his life had taken this strange twist.
The final keepsake he kept in his journal was the note that his friend had left on the night he had gone, AJ would never forget that night nor waking up to find the letter the next morning. It had been a shock to find it, even more of a shock to find out that his friend was not in Orlando with his mother, nor had he returned since as far as AJ knew.
Now the letter looked worn as if it was more than the three years old that it was because it had been read so many times. AJ wanted desperately to find some explanation as to why his friend had left and yet there was nothing in the note that really explained it, there was a bundle of reasons that he had to go and a whole bunch more about why he couldn't stay but they were just excuses, none of them explained why at that point his friend had just upped and left, leaving not only AJ but his friends in the band, and his home in Orlando. For a while that small piece of hotel stationary with it's smart logo had been his Holy Grail, but now it was just a reminder of another moment of pain in his life. Another time when he had screwed up without even knowing it.
AJ didn't really need the letter in front of him to remember what it said, all of the reasons and words were emblazoned on his mind, blotted on his heart as a permanent reminder of the mistakes he had made and yet he had to read it again, he wanted to check for the thousandth time that he had not missed anything important and also it was a kind of ritual, to take the letter out on nights like tonight and read over the cursive writing, the last chance he would ever have to see the lettering he had always teased his friend about.
Dear Alex, I don't really know how to start this letter but I know that this has to be said; it breaks my heart to tell you this but if I don't say these words now they will not be spoken and we will forever question why this happened this way.
Lately I have found myself increasingly frustrated with the man that you are becoming, gone are the care-free days of our youth and you are suddenly someone that I no longer recognise. Maybe you were always like this, were always so career minded and worried about what others thought of you and I did not see it because I was wearing the blinkers of a childhood friendship I was desperate to hang on to but I can't live with the person you have become. I don't want you to give up who you are or what you have achieved and perhaps this is just my problem, people grow up and grow apart...maybe that is all that has happened with us.
I've been working so hard lately and I can't seem to catch a break, but something came up and I think that this would be a good chance for us to both start afresh and make new friends, I am certainly aware that you haven't bonded with anyone else and prefer to come back after a night out to call me. It's not healthy to stay connected to someone so far away when it causes problems with those around you; especially when they are people that you are in a band with. They are probably the only people that can understand where you are coming from or relate to you as AJ, the rebel, the dangerous one of a band. Bond with them, give them the love and support that you always used to give in our friendships and I am sure that they will be the brothers that you and I always were.
I know it sounds odd to thank you but you were instrumental in helping me to change my life and I will never forget that, but I think it is time for us to go our own ways. I hope that one day you can forgive my selfishness as well as my cowardice for doing it this way but I really do think this is for the best and it would have hurt too much to say these words to your face.
I will always love you and you will always have a place in my heart.
Your Friend,
Sully.
He read it twice through before putting it aside, not wanting the tears that were now falling to smudge the ink. AJ knew that he had loved Sully but he didn't know how to get him back. Had he known that his first love was in the same city he probably would have done more, however he had no knowledge that he was so close to his former friend, nor that Nick had been so close that night.
The police said that they could not track everyone that failed to come home due to an argument and that he wasn't really missing, just misplaced. Sully was not a missing person since the man had explained to his family that he was moving away and had left a note with his friend, the police even went on to say that they were lucky, at least they knew he was okay. AJ wondered if they understood that this was out of character, but they had reiterated Sully's own words that people change. AJ still speculated over whether Sully had been right and that he had not known him at all, that he was the one that had changed and in his own selfishness he had missed out on the fact that his friend had changed too. Maybe it was not out of character at all.
When they were boys AJ had told Sully that he would one day be a big star. That when he was rich and famous they would ride around in a Limo and show off to all of the people that had sneered at them or belittled them for their poor backgrounds, Sully had smiled and told AJ that he should give back to the neighbourhoods instead and that he too would do the same when he was successful. Now AJ wondered if Sully was doing just that. He had visions of him working as a teacher in a ghetto or handing out soup in a shelter, but really these were just dreams. He had no way of knowing that at that moment Sully was at a point so far away from the Downtown areas of the city that he was very close by, nor did he know that at that moment Sully was thinking of him in a similar way to the way AJ was thinking of Sully.
It had been a long night and all Sully wanted to do was bury himself under the duvet and sleep for a week, the only problem with his plan was that Drew would start to worry after the second day and would drag him out to do something, they had been living together for a while now and his lover was not the type that would let him sit around and mope. Drew was the type of proactive person that wanted to talk everything through and make it all alright, it must have driven him insane that the man he knew as Xander refused to talk to him. As they headed home Sully wondered if it was time to change that; if maybe tonight was the night when he ought to open up about things and finally tell him the truth.
Once they got inside Drew pulled off his shirt, revealing the body of an older man that cared about his appearance enough to work out at the gym three times a week. Sully was drawn to him because of that, at least in part it was the physical traits that had attracted him to the older man. He went over to his lover and put his arms around him, seeking some comfort for what he had planned.
"You okay?" Drew asked as he placed a soft kiss on Sully's brow. His lover nodded and then pulled away, taking a moment before pulling his lover towards the bedroom. He wanted to be comfortable for this coversation and the bed was the most comfortable place in their shared living space. It was also the only place where Sully felt safe enough to tell the story he wanted to share.
"I want to tell you something." Sully said as he made it into the bedroom and shed some of his own clothes, he was glad to see that Drew was taking his lead and doing the same. He didn't want them to have too many distractions so he left on his shorts and pulled back the covers. "I want to tell you about my past."
"Xan, you know that you don't have to tell me anything." Drew said, knowing what a hard subject this was for his lover. They had been together nearly a year and he knew very little about the past that his lover kept so close to his heart. "I love you no matter what. You know that."
"I know, but something happened tonight that made me think, and well, I want to tell you." He said, feeling brave in doing so even though it was a subject that they should have covered a long time ago. "I think that it is about time that I told someone about it."
"Okay." Drew said with no hint of emotion. He pulled down the covers on their bed and got in, holding his arms open for Sully and was glad that his lover snuggled close, leaning his head on his chest and stroking it gently taking some comfort in their physical closeness as he began to speak.
"I didn't grow up in England at least not for my whole childhood. I moved to the states when I was seven and lived in Florida with my family. My Mom was originally from there and when my Dad died she brought us back to live in America." Sully said, Drew was not so shocked he had always thought that his American accent was far too good, too cultivated to have been picked up at any time other than in childhood. He'd had a friend that had emigrated from Europe in High School and the guy had never lost the slight French accent that he had grown up with.
"I grew up in Orlando, I went to High School and everything there, and while I was growing up I had a really close friend who was a neighbour of ours. When I came out he was great. He told me that he loved me no matter what and that he would try to help in other ways too." Sully trailed off as he wondered how much he should tell his lover about Alex.
"You were lovers?" Drew asked, not so much to push but to elicit the information that might be hard for his lover to tell him. He knew what first love and exploration was like and while it was one of those romantic stories that people always told it was often awkward and painful in real life, especially if the other guy turned out to just have been curious.
"Yeah." Sully said, there was a slight wistful expression on his face and Drew wondered if this was the love of his life. "I loved him, he was still questioning his own sexuality but then I made a huge mistake; one of his work collegues came on to me, I was too stupid to push him away and we got caught. It was only a kiss but that was all it took."
"By your friend?" Drew asked, that was the logical assumption Sully supposed.
"No, worse than that, by his boss. My friend had a successful career and I didn't want him to lose it, his boss made me a deal to disappear and he would not fire my friend or his collegue."
"That's harsh." Drew said. "What made you think about it tonight?"
"I saw the collegue, the guy I kissed." Sully answered 'or rather the one that kissed me' he added mentally. "He was at the bar picking up guys or at least I assume that was why he was there. He took one of the regulars home with him and I don't think they were going for coffee just to talk."
"Was your friend with him?" Drew asked, wondering if he was making too much of an assumption when he thought he knew who he was dealing with. Drew was a man that did not believe in multiple coincidences and he knew who Ben had taken home, it was only a matter of some deductive work to realise that Sully was talking about Nick Carter. Since they both came from Florida, had both been based in Orlando, and as far as he was aware there were no other strangers in the club that night; at least no one that had taken one of their regular customers home. He prided himself on knowing the people of the community and he would have been aware of more than one new face. The other men of his generation often gossiped about the fresh meat that was there on display but Drew was more worried about the care of new men on the gay scene, he was a caring soul like that.
"No. Alex, my friend, wasn't with him but he is probably in the city. They travel together for work."
Drew was now almost a hundred per cent sure that this made Nick involved in some way, he was not a huge Backstreet Boys fan but he knew enough to know that one of the other members was called Alex (or AJ to the fans) and that they, as international popstars, would travel a lot. They would also travel together as they were in a band. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out this was where the clues pointed, in fact there was a large neon sign that flashed, pointing directly to where Sully's mind had been that night.
Drew cared enough for his lover not to push him, he wouldn't even ask about the other man anymore but he would make sure that the others kept a keen eye on Nick Carter just in case. Sully was well loved in the community and there was more than one person that would lie to protect him if anyone came looking. Drew would make sure to spread the word that if anyone asked Sully was a stranger or at least only a friend of a friend. It was the least he could do, his lover gave him as much of his heart as he could and in return he had promised to protect him. Even if it meant getting their friends to lie it would not be the first time that Drew had lied to protect his lover from some unwanted attention.
"Thank you for telling me." Drew said. "Was there anything else?"
"No, I just..." Sully paused, collecting his words as if he was not sure what he wanted to say. "I just wanted to get it off my chest. Wanted to share it, you know?"
"Yeah, I know." Drew replied. Glad that his lover was finally trusting him with this information, he would help him in as many ways as he could too, because although he wasn't sure why Sully did not want to see Nick Carter again.
Nick woke early, he was in time to see Ben getting dressed and gathering his possessions as if he had planned on leaving without saying goodbye. Nick didn't know why but he felt that it cheapened what they had experienced the night before. He had done it a few hundred times to other men and yet now this felt as if Ben had been turning the tables on him.
"You're leaving?" Nick asked as he propped himself up on his elbows and looked directly at Ben. The other man turned to see him, halfway through buttoning up his silk shirt.
"I wasn't sure if you're band mates knew what the rest of the gay world seems to, so I thought it best if I slipped out before breakfast." Ben said. "I was going to leave you a note."
Nick wondered if his bed partner had added that as an after thought, Nick didn't know why but he felt like he wanted to see this one again, and he never slept with the same man twice. It was too risky, a one night stand was safe enough but a relationship led to love notes and other things that a tabloid could print.
"That's okay." Nick said. "I just wondered where you were."
"I wasn't going to leave without saying goodbye, if that is what you were thinking." Ben said as he made his way over to the bed, leaned down and kissed Nick gently. Nick couldn't help but gasp a little at the tender kiss, there was none of the previous night's passion and he dared to wonder for a moment if he could make a relationship work. "Not after how good you were last night."
"Thanks." Nick said. "You were great too."
"So, I know that we're both men of the world but if you want to get together next time you're in the city, give me a call." Ben said, as he took out a simple card and left it on the bedside table then stood to carry on dressing.
Nick wondered if he should feel used, as if Ben were leaving a tip on the bedside as he passed through town but wasn't that what he did to dozens of other men, men that he had promised to call only to conveniently lose their number on the way to the next gig or in the hotel room bin. He didn't feel anything and that was the worst thought of all. It was sex, he had known that and yet to find himself on the receiving end it suddenly felt bad, made him feel worthless in a way he had not felt in a long time, not since he had first toyed with the idea of being in love and his heart had been so cruelly shattered by a man older than him.
"I'll see you around." Nick said as he watched the leather clad ass that he had fucked last night walk out of his room and out of his life. He knew that if he called Ben would probably be busy and suddenly he didn't feel like fucking him again. In fact for the first time in his hormonely driven life he didn't really feel like fucking at all. Maybe Brian was right, maybe there was more to life than sex, or more to sex than sex.
Nick fell back onto the bed with a thud, it was early and he didn't really want to think about any of it. All he knew was that he wasn't really sure of anything anymore and that scared him. Especially when he didn't know anyone that had the answers.
Tbc
Please let me know if you like where this is going, or if you're reading it.
Jez