Semester in Space

Semester in Space 14

Chapter 14

It's the day that people are going to Mars. The red planet is large in front of us. It reflects a beauty that just makes me think of something huge. I'm standing there on the star bridge.

“You should come to the docking module,” Dre tells me.

He walks up behind me. I haven't been the same since I hurt Jax. I can't get him out of my mind and I can't fake it. Dre is great. He's more than great. I know he's trying with me but I had to pull teeth to get him here. Jax was willing to give me what I wanted all along.

I can't get him out of my mind.

“Why would I do that?” I ask Dre.

“Everyone's going there to say wish the people going to Mars good luck,” Dre explains to me.

I shrug, “Dre, I don't give a shit.”

“Your home girl Kaysha is one of those people.”

“I wished Kaysha good luck already.”

“Mario---you're avoiding the docking module aren't you?” Dre asks.

Sometimes I forget that Dre is my best friend and not just a regular love interest. He walks up behind me and he grabs me. I can feel his breath on the back of my neck. A part of me welcomes it but the most part of me just wished that this was Jax walking up behind me...grabbing me.

“I just don't want to go ok,” I tell Dre.

“It's because he's going to Mars too isn't it?”

Dre is talking about Jax. I know he's talking about Jax. I've avoided Jax like the plague and Jax has avoided me. The difference was he was probably avoiding me because he hated me. I was avoiding him simply because I couldn't deal with him.

“Dre...Pia made me not talk to him. She told me that if I didn't break his heart that she would keep you in jail.”

“So?” Dre asks.

“So? Is that all you have to say?” I ask.

Dre sighs a little bit, “Listen. If you want me to sit here and pretend like I'd prefer to be locked up in jail while you polly around with this dude you are mistaken. You made the right choice as far as I'm concerned.”

I shake my head and start moving away, “Fuck--you sound so fucking selfish right now.”

I hate the fact that I care about him. Not even as a lover but as a friend. I'm in this impossible situation to save him and he doesn't even have any sort of empathy for me.

“Think about it,” Dre says holding me so I won't move, “If we were back on Earth do you think a guy like Jax Christopher would ever give you a second look? Let's be real.”

“I can't believe you. I'm just not shit in your eyes huh?”

Dre shakes his head, “I'm your best friend and I'm telling you how it is. We are poor kids from Compton. We can sit here and have this fairytale like we are in this world with the Dollhouse if we want but that's not the case. Those people are worth millions each. We aren't in the same tax bracket and once we get back to Earth he would have dropped you anyway.”

“Fuck...”

I find myself leaning up against the glass. It hurts. It fucking hurts Dre talking to me about this. But the more I come to think about it maybe he is right. I mean Jax and me weren't the same. On this space station we were isolated. We became more equal. Truth is though we were no where near equal and he'd realize that one day.

“You know I'm telling you the truth,” Dre tells me.

“Stay out of my mind,” I respond.

He reads me so fucking well. Dre knows what I'm thinking before I think it.

Dre offers me his hand, “It's time to stop avoiding that kid. Give me your had. Regardless of what happens here in space or back on Earth...I'm the one consistent. I'm the dude whose going to stay.”

I take his hand.

There are multiple students going to Mars. The docking module has the space shuttle that they are taking down there. Mia LaPerla is making an announcement. Her daughter is standing close by. Everyone is around the friends they have going to Mars. I can't help but to see Jax standing not too far from where I'm standing with Kaysha.

“I'm nervous,” Kaysha is saying.

“You'll be fine,” I tell her, “Space walks are dangerous though. Use the rails and rely on your equipment. Don't fuck up.”

Kaysha has on her space suit. I spent the week going over the suit's instructions with Kaysha and making sure that she was going to follow everything precisely. The last thing I wanted was my friend to end up lost in space somewhere from not following instructions.

I can't help but to turn to Jax. He looks so handsome in his suit. He's having some words with Greg and Chyna. Jax looks so...polished.

“Listen to your homeboy,” Jae Jae tells Kaysha.

“Good luck,” Dre tells Kaysha.

Kaysha doesn't respond to Dre. I don't think she's a big fan of him to be honest. She gives him a look that I could really turn anyone off.

The awkwardness gets even worse when I realize the Dollhouse are moving towards us. Jax is going on the spacewalk but Chyna and Greg are standing next to him. Bambi is now where in sight. As they approach the awkward stare between Jax and I continues.

At that moment I realize Dre put his arm around me. It's almost like he's threatened by Jax.

I don't blame him. If I were Dre...I'd be worried too...

“Kaysha you can walk out there with me if you want,” Jax states all of a sudden out of no where.

“Really?” Kaysha smiles back.

Funny how she smiles at Jax but she doesn't pay Dre a second mind.

“Of course,” Jax replies, “We're cool right? Plus I got to look after you since my boy Jae Jae isn't going to be there.”

“I'll look after Jae Jae with you gone,” Chyna states grabbing Jae Jae's arm.

It's clear that Chyna is flirting. Jae Jae isn't the best looking guy. He isn't my type at least, but I can see how people would find him attractive. He has a crooked smile that is kind of cute in the right light and his personality is just what sets him apart from everyone.

“Chyna can you please just not be a hoe for one day,” a voice says.

I turn around to see Bambi. I haven't seen her in a while. She's been pissed at me since I decided not that Jax and I weren't going to work. She's been avoiding me. At least I thought so.

“How's your suspension been going?” Greg asks.

“Suspension?” I ask.

Bambi doesn't give me her usual friendly look, “I was suspended for fighting Pia. Not that it's any of your business...”

“Bambi---that's not necessary,” Jax states.

“Oh I get it. I need to be fake---like some people,” Bambi replies to Jax.

She looks over at me when she says it. Jax doesn't butt in this time. Hell he probably agrees with her. I wouldn't blame him if he did. What did seemed fake to them. I hated that Bambi was looking at me like I had turned my back on everyone. Maybe I did. She seemed to be personally invested in me getting with Jax.

Someone else does come to my defense though. It's Dre.

“You got something you want to say?” Dre asks Bambi.

“Oh look. Pia's whipping boy,” Bambi states not even looking at Dre in response, “Shouldn't you be whipping Laperla ass right now or something?”

Greg and Chyna laugh. It's so fucking awkward. Bambi had a bone to pick and she was making sure that she picked it.

“Guys we should be celebrating. First students on Mars remember,” Jae Jae adds.

Bambi smiles at Jae Jae as fake as ever, “You're right Jae Jae. I wanted to introduce you guys to someone that's headed up there on Mars. Everyone meet Lamar Washington.”

I don't even notice the boy standing next to Bambi. He had his back turned.

Lamar turns around and my face dropped.

“Oh my,” Chyna states.

I know why she's saying it. I know why Chyna is pushing out her chest a little bit at that moment. The boy is beautiful. I mean he is drop dead gorgeous. He is light skin and pretty as all get out. He's like one of those boys who is probably too pretty. Makeup. He has make up on. He has long hair that falls down to his shoulders and they are braided in two braids. I can't tell what he is but he's handsome.

“Wait who are you---I've never seen you before,” Greg states.

The boy leans forward, “I kept a real low profile.”

“He was a diamond in the rough,” Bambi states at that moment, “I just found him and decided. Hey...why not polish him off you know.”

“Polish him off?” Kaysha asks.

She's staring towards me. I'm wondering if she's thinking what I'm thinking.

Bambi smiles and grabs over at this Lamar guy. She pulls him forward. He seems extra shy. When he walks forward he says something that no one can hear.

Was this Bambi's next project or something?

“What?” I find myself asking.

“I said it's nice to meet you all,” the boy Lamar answers me.

His voice is nearly above the sound of a whisper.

“You're pretty...you're like some kind of painting or something,” Chyna states.

She moves forward and I could almost see Bambi smack her off.

“Not for you,” Bambi replies smacking Chyna's hand away but then turns Lamar around to Jax, “Jax I trust that you'll keep my new friend here company on the mission too right.”

“Uh...listen I'm not some space tour guide or whatever,” Jax replies bluntly.

“Hey I don't need a guide. Just none of my friends are uh...going to Mars. So I figured it'd be nice to at least know someone,” Lamar states.

Jax doesn't even seem slightly interested, “Man. Sure whatever. Let's go. They are about to start boarding.”

They start walking away.

I find myself desperate at the moment. I don't know what gets over me. I shake out of Dre's hand and run forward a little bit. I grab Jax at that moment and let out a helpless, “Jax wait...”

I grab him by the arm and pull him back. Jax looks at me. His fucking sexy face stares at me. I'm breathing harder.

A cold sweat drifts down my spine. Our eyes connect. Fuck. I hate the fact that I can't hug him. I hate the fact that I can't kiss him. I hate that I can't share those rare moments that we had once before.

Jax's face isn't warm any longer. His expression is cold. He answers me with a cold stern, “What?”

“I was just going to wish you good luck.”

Jax doesn't even seem to be pretending not to have a grudge. Right now he is pissed and it shows on his face. His entire expression just seems over it. It almost seems like he is in physical irritation from just being in the same area as I am.

“That it?” he asks rolling his eyes.

Fuck. He shut me down. He is making sure to do it loud and clear too. If it was anyone else I'd be embarrassed but even having Jax talk to me a little bit right now is more than I can ask for.

“Yeah that's all.”

“Ok. You better run back to your boyfriend. I don't think he likes you talking to me very much,” Jax responds.

He doesn't wait for me to say anything else before he walks away. Jax doesn't look back either...

I can't help it. After the talk with Jax I have to find Bambi. I find her on the other walking out of the space station. She's with Chyna and Greg. I run and grab her from behind pulling at her.

“Who the hell was that?” I ask Bambi.

“Don't touch me.”

“I asked you a question Bambi,” I respond to her quickly, “Who the fuck was that dude that you introduced us to.”

I'm feeling some type of way. I had run away from my friends to catch up to Bambi but I realize they are slowly catching up. Bambi gives me a nonchalant shrug so that I am no longer touching her.

“I told you he was a friend of mine,” Bambi responds.

“A project, you mean.”

“Don't be ridiculous,”she responds to me.

This bitch was really here playing innocent.

“Bullshit!” I respond at that moment, “You were basically THROWING that boy onto Jax.”

“What's he talking about?” Greg asks Bambi.

Bambi looks over at me and seems to be edging her eyes into me, “Nothing.”

“Bullshit. We all would have noticed some pretty boy walking around here amongst nerds. You gave that boy a make over and you're trying to hook him up with Jax. You're trying it, Bambi, and it's clear as day.”

“Is that true?” Greg asks.

I am wondering if it's just me or is Greg just as upset as I am. Greg has been sitting here pretending like he didn't have any emotions involved in this whole situation with Jax but here he is right now seeming a little misunderstood.

Bambi remains silent. She isn't answering the question.

I make sure to answer it for her to Greg, “For whatever reason Bambi is personally invested in hooking up Jax. Hell she gave me a make over hoping it would get Jax's attention.”

It's clear now.

Greg is...upset.

“Why the fuck would you do something like that Bambi?” Greg asks.

For the first time Bambi seems speechless. She is just sitting there cornered at that moment.

I'm not surprised when her lapdog Chyna comes to her defense, “Greg why do you give a fuck?”

If only they knew about the relationship Greg secretly had in the past with Jax it would become clear why he gave a fuck. They probably didn't though. Greg was upset and he looked like he was a little in his feelings.

“It just isn't right,” Greg tries to play it off.

“It's flat out shady is what the fuck it is,” I take the baton.

Bambi all of a sudden looks over at me, “You know what! You can't get mad at me. Ok. I'm trying to hook Jax up with someone new. So what? What's the crime in that? He's my friend and I want him to be happy. He could have been happy with you Mario. You fucked that up...”

Bambi walks away quickly at that moment. Hell. She basically runs off. She doesn't want to face this anymore. Chyna follows closely behind her.

Greg is left just looking at me.

He looks like he's going to say something but he doesn't. He just walks off the opposite direction from Bambi clearly not wanting to be around her either.

I'm left just thinking. Maybe Bambi is right. I was the one who fucked it up. I shouldn't cared that she was trying to help Jax move on. I did care though. I cared way too much.

I don't know how I end up in Peter's office hours. I had been pacing around the space station for hours going through emotions from seeing Jax. I am so emotional because of how he shut me down. I can't take it. I don't know what I'm doing there. His office is near the laboratory modules. It's a small square office. This is where most of the teachers and staff stay. The staff dorms are further down from their offices. When I walk there I find myself just sitting outside of the door.

It takes him a minute to come outside but Peter is standing there when I walk out.

I'm crying. I'm tearing up by the time he opens the door.

“Mario...”

“I didn't have anyone else to talk to.”

Peter leans forward. He helps me up off the ground. I feel so weak as he does. He guides me into his office at that moment. I'm sitting in the chair.

It's not the truth I didn't have anyone to talk to. Jae Jae would have listened to me but I couldn't tell him everything. He would feel guilty because of what I did. I knew him. Sure Dre was fine with it. Dre supported my decision but Jae Jae wouldn't have. The last thing I wanted to do was make Jae Jae feel like shit because I was supporting him.

I'm so lost.

And I end up telling Peter everything.

“Can you promise not tell anyone?” I ask him, “I know this isn't something you usually deal with. This isn't what you're getting paid for. It's not your problem. It's not---”

“It's ok.”

Peter sat there almost an hour listening to the story with me. I told him everything I could. I told him about Bambi giving me the makeover. I told him about meeting Jax. I told him about falling for Jax. I told him about Pia's deal. I told him about Greg's secret relationship with Jax. The whole time he listened to me silently. He's listened to me and didn't interrupt me. It had been so long that I was able to tell everyone EVERYTHING without leaving not a single detail out.

“I don't know what to do.”

“So you're in love with Jax?” Peter asks me.

I sit there and feel the word love on my chest.

“I'm so in love with that man.”

“But you also feel a loyalty to Dre and Jae Jae?”

“Yes.”

“And you care about their well being even more so then your own?” Peter asks me.

I shake my head at that moment.

“No. Of course not.”

“I'm confused. Aren't you deciding to save them rather than pursue your own happiness?” Peter asks me at that moment.

“I have the opportunity to help them in their lives,” I tell Peter, “I had to give up love but I mean that's just love. If I didn't turn down Jax I would have ruined the lives of not just one but two people.”

“Exactly,” Peter responds.

“What?”

“It's their lives. Meaning you didn't ask Dre to sneak on this ship. You didn't ask Jae Jae to help him. I understand that they are your friends but they are living their lives the way that they want to. This may sound harsh but it's not your responsibility to save them.”

“So I should just abandon them?” I ask.

Peter looks at me, “You tell me.”

“You don't get it,” I respond irritatated, “It was a fucking mistake coming here.”

I get up at that moment. I can't just abandon my friends. I looked after Dre since we were kids. We looked after each other. I can't just let him go to jail. Jae Jae was a good person. I couldn't just let him get locked up.

Where I came from loyalty was everything.

Peter doesn't back down and I can hear his voice calling out from me from his chair as I head to the door, “No...you don't get it. You have one life to live. And the decisions that you make effect that life. Love is a guarantee in this life. It's not promised to everyone. You found love and instead of cherishing it you are bargaining it away like it's nothing. You just told me: That's just love. Are you kidding me?”

“You know what I mean by it's just love.”

Peter rolls his eyes, “No I don't. It's just air. It's just water. It's just a life. You can say that for almost anything. Love isn't an option young man. If it was an option for you, you wouldn't be hurting so bad...”

“I know that.”

“Do you? Because what you are trying to tell me is that you are are so comfortable killing yourself to save others who didn't ask for your saving.”

“That's not true.”

“So Jae Jae and Dre asked you to make this sacrifice for them?”

“Jae Jae doesn't know. Dre...does. He said he's fine with it.”

“Well there goes your answer right there.”

“What?”

“He's fine with it,” Peter replies, “Dre doesn't give a fuck. How'd he get on this ship again? Something about stealing your ticket.”

“He said it was to be with me.”

“And look how selfish that was?” Peter responds, “This selfish thing. That's not love. You know what love is? Love is a man who stares at you and sees through your soul. Love is a man who is willing to sacrifice his happiness for you...not steal your happiness for his...”

Steal my happiness.

“I should...I might...”

I don't know what to do. As I'm sitting there thinking about it the lights go off at that moment. The lights in the space station are lighting up and there is some sort of alarm going off.

The red lights flash louder and louder.

“What's going on?” I ask.

“Somethings wrong...” Peter tells me.

“What do you mean something's wrong?” I ask Peter.

Peter looks at me, “That alarm. That alarm is never supposed to go off.”

All of a sudden something happening to the space station. I don't know what it is. The gravity starts to fluctuate. I find myself flying high into the air and falling down.

Peter grabs at me, “Mario! Mario are you ok!”

He helps me up at that moment.

“What the fuck is going on?”

“C`mon...”

There is chaos in the hallways as we are running. Something is going on with the space station but I don't know what it is.

“Stay close!” Peter tells me.

Peter is taking me to the other side of the ship. He keeps me close. I see students running around everywhere.

“Peter look...”

I am looking at the space bridge. We are being hit with something. At first I think it must be some sort of meteors or something. The entire space station is rocking back and forth at that moment. What the fuck.

“Meteors?” Peter asks.

“No...free falling particles.”

I've read about this in my studies. Something was definitely wrong with this ship and it was coming out of no where. Instead of black there was a flashing light that was coming from the space station. I look at the flashing light at that moment.

Peter grabs me, “What the fuck is that?”

I don't know what Peter is talking about. He's looking out the window. I don't have time to look out the window.

I'm flipped around. I lose gravity!

“Peter---Peter I think something is happening. Something very wrong is happening to the space station! Something is---”

I can't finish my thought. I picked up into the air. Gravity is removed again. I am floating away from Peter. I find myself flying out into the space bridge at that moment.

“Mario!”

Peter attempts to grab me. He misses.

The entire space station is hit by something. My body rocks. I'm floating through the space station now. The artificial gravity has completely failed on the entire space station. I can't hear anything in my ears! I hear something that sounds like an explosion but I'm not sure what it is. My heart is racing at every turn and every moment. Something is wrong. Something is just terribly wrong with all of this.

I'm struggling to swim across the space station.

It doesn't work.

I am looking out of the window and as I stare out of the window I see colored cubes and rods that highlight the bending of light in the curved space. We aren't in space any longer. We are...somewhere else.

The only explanation I can think of is impossible.

Right?

It has to be.

I'm so sure the space station is going to rip apart as it starts to shake. The tumultuous shakes are all of a sudden taking over the space station.

And all I can think about is Jax.

Jax is outside of the space station. He has less to protect him. He's going to die. I'm going to die. We are both going to die without him knowing how I really feel about him. He's never going to know how much I regret what I did. He's never going to know that I really cared about him.

The space station is being sucked into something. At the throat there is a diagonal rod. The space station goes deeper and deeper into this rod. The lights are so bright.

I wonder for a moment if I'm in heaven.

It might be the change if gravitational pull. Maybe it is the turbulence. Maybe something else happens to my body that I can't explain in human knowledge. All I know is that

“Mario...”

“Jax...Jax thank god you're ok...”

“It's not Jax...”

I open my eyes and realize the artificial gravitation is working again. I'm on the floor. I look up and see Peter standing over me. He looks worried. I have a cut above my eyebrow and I can feel a throbbing pain in my head. I don't know what I've just went through. I'm scared. I'm more than scared. I'm terrified.

“What. Just. Happened?”

“I don't know exactly what just happened but something very bad I think,” Peter states at that moment.

“Jax...oh my god...Jax was outside. His space shuttle was outside during whatever happened!” I find myself panicking, “PETER!”

Peter grabs at me for a minute, “Calm down Mario. I don't think Jax should be your main concern right now.”

I don't get Peter, “Did you not just see our entire space station being pulled? Peter---Jax is in just a normal space shuttle. Oh shit. Kaysha is in there too...”

All of a sudden I'm sweating.

All of a sudden I'm scared. Fuck...were they alive? Were they ok...

“Hopefully your friends are in a better situation then we are right now.”

“What?”

Peter grabs me. We make our way to the star bridge. I look around. There are some students still trying to gain their composure. Everyone looks out of it. No one seem to know what is going on or what happened to the artificial gravitation during that time frame.

Peter seems smarter though. The look on his face seems to make me think that he knows something that I don't know. Peter takes me to the star bridge.

“Notice anything different? Mario?” Peter asks me, “Do you notice anything odd?”

“Where the fuck is Mars...”

“Exactly. Look at that planet right there. In the distance. Does it look familiar?”

It's not Mars. It's not the red planet.

“Where the fuck are we...”

Peter and I look at each other. It becomes clear what we were sucked into. It is something that is complete impossible. Right?

Peter is struggling to explain to me, “We aren't near Mars anymore, Mario. We aren't...near Earth. We aren't even near the Milky Way.”

It had to be a wormhole. We had to be sucked into a wormhole.

“We are lost aren't we Peter?”

Lost...and Jax wasn't even on the same space station as me.

“Lost in space,” Peter tells me.

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