Semester at Seas 4: I Own The Sun
I OWN THE SUN
"Do it," Patience ordered.
She pushed the tray towards this girl. The girl was an innocent girl. Who knows what Patience said to her to make her do what she was about to do. It really was disgusting. Ethan was already laughing to himself. This cute little girl had no idea what she was doing. She was selling her soul to the devil. I'd never seen her before. I never paid much attention to her till now. The girl picked up the tray causing Wednesday and Mia to smirk.
The innocent girl walked across the room with the tray. It has spaghetti in it. We watched as the girl purposely bumped into different girl smearing all spaghetti all over her. People started laughing. Suddenly a fight broke out. The girl who was smeared with spaghetti started to attack the innocent looking girl.
By the time they were broken up, Patience had a smile spread across her face.
"Erica Thompson and Julia Adams," Patience explained, "They were the teacher's pets. We can't have that now, can we? Now we show those goody two kids have a bad side to them."
All the teachers had to love us the most. We all knew that. It was one of Patience's laws. I looked at Vince. The meaningless little is what Patience got into. They would never trace it to her. Those little things made such a big mess. People didn't want to be on her bad side. Vince looked at me thinking exactly what I was thinking. He was worried that I would get on Patience's bad side. I wasn't scared. I was tired of living in her shadow. I've been doing it all my life.
Vince was looking at me and then he looked behind me. His face soured all of a sudden and I could already tell who it was. My heart smiled as I turned and saw Amir standing there.
We hadn't really talked to each other since Friday and it was Monday night now. The ship was big and we didn't know how to contact one another. We had room phones, but I never got his number.
"Hey pimp," he said looking at me.
"Amir...what's good with you?" I say, forgetting whose company I was in.
He seemed to be ignorant of my company as well, "Ey, thought we were buddies now. You don't want to hang out. There's a swimming event in a couple minutes, you want to go?"
I got up and I could feel the eyes watching me. I could have sworn I saw Wednesday gasp when I got up. That was when I turned around and saw her eyes. Patience had been checking her make up in a hand mirror like a true Barbie Doll, but all of a sudden she realized that I had gotten up.
"No...he won't be able to make that," she said, looking back into her mirror, "Not with you that is."
Amir laughed a little. He probably thought it was a joke at first. It wasn't. I didn't sit back down though. No one else was laughing. He realized this and all of a sudden everything got awkward.
"Bitch..." he said.
Wednesday definitely gasped this time. I couldn't help but smirk. It took a real man to call Patience a bitch to his face. He wasn't even the slightest bit afraid either. He didn't know what Patience was about, but even if he knew I doubt he would have cared. He didn't seem like the type to care.
Patience smirked as well. It bothered me when I saw her do it. I watched as Ethan was about to stand up, but Patience signaled him to sit.
"Sit," she told him.
Amir probably recognized that Ethan had gotten up to protect his future wife. One of his fists were balled. God...I just wanted him to hit Ethan even though Ethan listened to what she said and sat back down like the good little boy toy he was.
"Yeah, listen to your slave master. Whatever. Yo, Chauncey, um...if you're coming I'll be waiting at the back of the cafeteria," he explained.
With that he walked away with this look that was half confused and half disgusted. He had the right to be confused and disgusted with me. I shouldn't need to ask my sister's permission to go places. I was grown. I was a grown ass man. I don't care what she had done for me or what she COULD do for me. I was sick of it.
"It's a movie..."
She was still checking her teeth in the mirror and still barking orders, "Sit."
"What?"
"Sit your ass down," Ethan said and punched me in the back of my leg.
My leg immediately cramped up a little bit and almost collapsed so that I was forced to sit back down.
"What the fuck, bro?" Vince said giving his brother shove, playing the same protector roll as usual, "You didn't have to punch him."
"If he would listen every once in a while, I wouldn't have to," Ethan said and gave me a look, "He's getting real impudent. He needs discipline and obviously verbal isn't working. I'll put him in check. Baby...let me put him in check."
I couldn't believe he was threatening me. I worried about Ethan. He could definitely beat me down without much of a threat. Hell, I would have trouble fighting Vince, let alone someone who was double my weight and almost double my height.
"Leave me alone with my brother," Patience said still looking in the mirror, "All of you."
She was still looking in her mirror as though she was searching for a heart in it. I knew she wouldn't find it. It was probably why she was taking so long in it.
They all went. I saw Vince arguing with Ethan as they walked away. Ethan definitely was the biggest asshole. I didn't understand how him and Vince could be brothers. They were so damn different. Then again there was clueless ass Wednesday with them as well. She was the most different.
It was just Patience and I. She finally flipped close her mirror and put it in her purse. She crossed my arms.
"What is it?" she asked me, "You want to have a Boyz in the Hood moment? What is all this about?"
"What do you mean?"
"You said `Amir, what's good with you'. Did I raise you to speak like that? We are trying to leave the Grove Complex. We aren't trying to bring that...language with us."
"You raised me...I didn't get that update," I tell her.
Her face got real evil as she stared at me, "Let's be serious...mother damn sure didn't. She was too busy trying to avoid men completely. I raised her too. Hell, it's about time I start getting some credit for what I did for you."
I sigh. I dropped my head.
"Ok. Whatever. Amir is cool."
"You know what...go be with friends him."
I picked up my head. Patience NEVER changed her mind...about ANYTHING. I looked at her with these suspicious eyes. I didn't get it. Since when does she allow me to be friends with somebody from the hood? It was so damn...bad...I didn't get it.
"What are you talking about...Patience, I don't want to be involved in any games," I tell her with this firm confidence that I had just discovered, "I've getting kind of mad about it all."
"No games...sometimes I just have to let people learn from their own mistakes," she explained to me with this smile that really bothered me.
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah...I swear...I swear on...Dad's grave," she said and then pulled something out of her pocket, "Matter of fact, I want you to have this. It was Dad's. I've been meaning to give it to you for a while."
In her hand was a watch. It looked like an expensive watch actually. I really didn't remember dad like she did. I took the watch out of her hand. I thought he had lost everything when he'd started gambling.
"Why would you have this?" I ask her, "Why wouldn't you have just thrown it away? You guys hated what Dad did to us."
For the briefest second, I could almost think Patience had a heart, "I hated what he did, but I never hated him. That was mom. I loved him. He was just a poor soul who needed guidance. If I was around back then, he wouldn't have had to worry about it. I could assure you that much."
The watch was beautiful. I put it around my wrist. I could definitely get used to Patience being forgiving...especially when someone called her a bitch! She hated being called that most of all, even though it best fit her personality. I could also get used to her giving these sentimental gifts. I didn't understand how the hell Patience had a watch from a man who had died so long ago. She hated sentimentality. She felt like it could only hold you back.
She smiled as I walked away. I didn't thank her even though I kind of wanted to. It was too eerie to thank her and actually mean it. I didn't know how. I'd never done it my entire life. She was pure evil at the age of 2 years old.
~
I'd explained to him a lot of my predicament. I guess I had to explain it to him. Amir listened as well. He seemed interested. He was asking questions as we hung our ditched the swimming event and ended up just walking out onto the moonlit deck, which happened to be just as private as it was the first time we came up there.
"Damn your sister's that bad? " he said, "I understand you guys got those swollen pockets and shit but I don't think money should take away your humanity. Feel me?"
Well I hadn't told him everything. Patience would have killed me if she found out that I had told him our biggest secret. That secret was in Pandora's box and I wasn't allowed to let anyone who wasn't a Crane know that.
"I know. That is what I can't wait to escape from. I am not like them. I'm real, somewhere under all this plastic. I want to fly away. You know how I always say that...I'm serious. I want to get out of that whole scheme."
"You're special."
"How do you mean?"
"I mean you're special," he explained and patted me on the back, "Most people would die to be in your position and you are dying to get out of it. You have the perfect life really. You have a girl to tell you what all to do and you'll just be successful. It's that simple...damn...that's deep..."
"Yeah...I don't even have to think. That's the problem," I complained and crossed my arms.
"Oh...I'm not saying that you shouldn't be upset," Amir clarified, "I would be too. I'm just saying a lot of other people wouldn't be. What's your friends name...the gay one..."
"Vince? Vince is not gay..."
"Yeah right," he said and huffed, "Gay Vince just isn't as special as you, you know what I mean? He is thinking how other people would think. They got something handed to them and they take it. What would you do if you found money on the street?"
"I'd find out who it belonged to," I answer, quickly.
He nodded, making his point, "See...someone like Gay Vince would probably just take it. That is the difference between you guys. That is what makes you special...you're rare. You really are."
I looked at him. I hadn't expected him to say it. It was sweet and I could easily get used to him giving me these compliments. I knew that he must have thought better then me. I never thought me wanting to be out of the Dollhouse was that commendable at all. I just wanted to it for me. I had to do it for me. I wasn't worried about the politics.
"Why do you think Vince is gay?"
"Come on now..."
I laughed. I had never thought Vince was gay in my entire life. I'd known Vince for a long time. I basically grown up with Vince. It had never even crossed my mind.
"Come on what?"
"You must not notice how he looks at you," Amir said and laughed, "I mean...you seem like a gay guy's type. Like gay guys would like you more then girls would."
I looked at him and laughed. I could have easily been insulted by his comment, but how he said it was just so amusing. Amir had these theories and he seemed so set on them. He was looking at me as though he was speaking some truth from somewhere deep in the universe.
"What are you trying to say?" I ask, trying to sound serious, but only sneering more.
"I mean look at you, you're all poetic," he said and smiled, "Girls don't like that. I mean, girls like those tough guys. You know what I mean?"
"Like you? I heard you're a real bad ass."
Patience had shown me proof of it. He had shown me the boy's jail records from when he was a little kid. He had barely gotten accepted to the college and only got through when the track coach started to beg administration.
He laughed, "Naw...I mean, sometimes I come across that way, but just around people I don't know. The tough shit is played out. Girls are stupid. If I was a girl, I would fall for a poetic guy like you."
All of a sudden, I can't smile anymore. We spend all this time laughing and smiling, but truth is I still had the biggest thing for this boy and it was only getting worse.
He smiled at me as he said it and his pearly whites were everything that I could ever dream of.
"I don't know. I think I would like a tough guy if I was gay," I said.
Dammit...I am gay and I did like a tough guy.
He shook his head, "No way. Tough guys are the ones that break your heart and if a tough guy broke your heart I'd have to break his face for messing with my new buddy."
He laughed again and I just smiled. He was such a theorist. It was almost like he could spend such a long time thinking. I didn't know how his grades were so low. He had such deep thoughts and I knew it by just listening to the things he was telling me here.
I had images pop into my head of him coming closer and just filling my mind with his theories while slowly undressing. I could almost feel his abs. I could almost taste his tongue licking at mine as though trying to capture it.
He was making me hard. His simple stare was making me hard. The feeling moved throughout my groin. I just wanted to jump in a bathroom and pound my dick until it turned blue.
"Damn...it's getting late," I said, realizing my hard on.
"Aw, man, you got class in the morning?"
"No..."
"So why don't we just stay out?"
"I'm kind of sleepy. I mean, you can stay over if you want to. I think it may be one of those things where I get to the bed and as soon as I lay down I may realize I'm not sleepy anymore."
"You want me to come spend the night in your room."
"Sure why not?"
"I guess...I mean, I have no problem with it."
I had just invited Amir to stay in my room with me. I could tell he did slightly have a problem with it. I could see how he raised his eyebrow. It was probably weird to him. He probably didn't realize that they put a Queen size bed in my room.
Then it made me wonder, if he didn't realize I had a Queen, then why would he have agreed to it. I knew I was probably overthinking everything.
~
"Are you serious? They gave you this...you should see my room."
I had seen the regular bedrooms. They were square compartments of hell. I was so glad that I was up here. I really did hate Patience, but I had to admit...she did have a way of doing things that made things real comfortable for all parties involved.
As I walked in I saw that someone was in my bed. I realized exactly who it was when I saw him. He wasn't asleep. He was just lying around and he seemed to be thinking about something. I could tell it was Vince.
"Hey," I tell him as we exchange looks.
He looks at me...then looks at Amir...then looks at me again. He doesn't seem even the slightest bit amused.
"What the hell is he doing here?" Vince explained, "Didn't Patience tell you..."
"Patience doesn't have a problem with it," I repeat before he finished.
"You're lying."
"Go ask her. I'm serious. She doesn't have a problem with it."
"Well I fucking do..." Vince said all of a sudden with this anger, "You don't know this guy."
Amir seemed to be trying real hard to control himself but all of a sudden I saw him step forward. He rolled up his sleeves and I could see his muscles underneath them. He was so fucking sexy. He had these rippled arms that weren't really big but still seemed like they were made completely of muscle. Some people actually worked out to obtain this look instead of the real bulky muscular look.
"Look partner, you ain't going to keep acting like I'm not in the room," he ordered taking a few steps toward Vince.
Vince got up as well and got in Amir's face. I grabbed at Vince's sleeve and attempted to pull him away from Amir, because I had a feeling Amir was going to swing on him. Amir didn't seem like the type to make idle threats. It wasn't that I was worried about Vince though. Vince was the athletic type. He seemed like he would be physically stronger then Amir, but Amir definitely would have had more fighting experience then Vince. Either way...it couldn't go down. They didn't know each other. They had no reason to fight, yet the tension between the two was something amazing.
"Forget it. He's not even worth it," Vince said pulling away from me but telling me before he left, "You changed..."
He walked out of the door and slammed it behind him. Damn great...my best friend and the guy who I had this huge crush on already hated each other. Now it was like my best friend was mad that I was even talking to him.
"I'm going to pound that nigga's head in," Amir said, throwing away his holding back technique, "I tried because that was your best friend, but he was straight disrespecting. He keep getting smart and we are boxing. We'll find you a new best friend... I'll be your best friend...fuck that."
He was so cute when he said it. He just had this natural charm. I couldn't tell how he was supposedly so ignorant of how he could make someone feel. The things he said in the way he said them made me feel so damn special.
~
I had tried to stay up longer and probably talk to him a little bit more but my body just failed me. I was completely knocked out. Somehow, I must have woke up to turn around and find a comfortable position in the middle of the bed when I realized that Amir was supposed to stay over. I damn near jumped up in excitement that he was laying next to me...but he wasn't.
Damn...I couldn't believe I fell asleep.
I looked over to where he should have been and instead there was a little note that was written. I picked it up. Damn, I pounded the bed hard as hell seeming a little irritated by this entire thing.
"You like him don't you?"
Someone got out of a chair. It scared me at first, but for some reason I had a
feeling that this person didn't want to hurt me. Whoever it was looked sexy. They didn't have a shirt on. I could see the sunlight beaming on rock hard abs before I could even see whose face it was. Damn...was it Amir?
I saw in the shadows of my dark bedroom that Vince was there. For a moment I
suspected that maybe Vince did something to him. It was so weird to see Vince in my room. I mean he had never snuck into my room when I was asleep. I was expecting Amir to be here...not him. It kind of bothered me.
"He's cool..."
"No I mean do you like him, like him. You know what I mean."
Now why the hell would he ask that? Had my desire for Amir become that obvious? Maybe it's just cause now that Vince knew I was gay
"Uh, give me a second," I didn't mean to blow him off, but I turned on the lamp and looked at the note. It was written in these big bold letters.
EY SORRY SON, I FORGOT I HAD TO GO SEE THIS GIRL TONIGHT. I PROMISED HER AND WHEN YOU FELL ASLEEP, I FIGURED I'D JUST DO IT BECAUSE I REALLY WASN'T THAT SLEEPY.
WELL CATCH YOU LATER!
MY ROOM EXTENSION IS 343 BY THE WAY...IT'S THE SAME AS MY ROOM NUMBER.
"Hey who gave you that watch?" I heard Vince say.
I looked over at my watch, "Patience gave me this."
He walked over to the bed. He looked at it weird almost as though he'd seen it before. I didn't get it. He opened his mouth to say something but then stopped and put the watch in my top drawer.
I couldn't help but look at him, "Why'd you do that?"
He paused for a second but then shook off whatever he was about to say, "You can't sleep with it on. It looks expensive."
I found it weird, but I paid it no attention. When the hell did Vince start caring if I slept with a watch on or not? It just seemed real weird but I guess he was right so I really didn't pay it much further attention.
"You take my watch and now I can't check the time."
"It's a little after 4..."
"Four?! Are you serious? Why the hell are you up?"
I asked him, but I wondered the same thing about me. I had gotten up so excited to see Amir as if it meant something. All he would have been doing was sleeping anyway, but the idea of him sleeping next to me...it just made my eyes water.
He shook his head, "I couldn't sleep."
"Why?"
Vince was acting so weird lately, "It's about you being gay."
God...not this again. This had to be the reason that he acting weird. At times it seemed like it didn't matter to him, but then at times it seemed like he was struggling with the fact that I was gay more then I was. I didn't get it.
I sighed, "Vince...we are on this cruise. In a few days we are going to be docking in Liberia. I know there are more exciting things that you should be worried about."
"You're my best friend!"
"Dammit so what?" I asked.
I got off the bed, feeling a little pissed. He sounded like a homophobic loser right now and I didn't have time for that. It was the same reason that I had hid my sexuality for so long. I didn't understand why people hated gay guys so much.
"I..."
He stopped talking and opted for putting his hand on my shoulder. He looked so sad...it was like something was eating him up inside. Was the fact that I was gay eating him up inside?
"I'm sorry. I am trying to discover who I am," I explained, "I'm getting out of Patience's shadow. It may take a while, but I'm trying. I suggest you do the same."
"You don't understand."
"What?"
"I'm not upset because you are gay," he explained.
It came as a shock. If it wasn't the fact that I was gay, then why did he keep bringing my homosexuality up.
That was when I noticed it...I noticed what Amir had mentioned before. I watched how Vince looked at me. He had probably looked at me with that stare for a million times, but I'd never noticed. His hand wasn't on my shoulder anymore...it had crossed up to my cheek. He tenderly touched my cheek, rubbing his hand around on it in this very romantic way.
I looked him back in my eyes. His hand felt good. I'd left my window open and there was a draft coming from it, but it seemed like he had such warmth on him.
"Bro...what's wrong?" I ask him.
"I always tried to protect you," he explained, pulling me closer into his warm body, "I always settled for us being `like brothers', but Chauncey, I don't want to be like your big brother. Chauncey...you mean more to me, even more then that."
"What do you mean?"
I had asked it more out of shock then misunderstanding. He pulled me even closer to him. I could feel his breath against my forehead. He was breathing hard. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly. Vince was so powerful. The only person I knew who was more powerful was Ethan. Yet where as Ethan had all power, Vince had a gentle side to him as well. He held me firmly and yet...passionately. His hands were trapped between us and I had raised them up to rest firmly against his chest.
He held me for a few seconds and the warmth seemed so different from how it usually felt. How could this had been the same Vince? How could this have been my big brother?
That was when he raised my head and looked me in my eyes. His head pulled close to me. He parted my lips with his own. He had opened my mouth and then I felt his warm tongue slip onto mine. It was wet...it was warm and it tasted like some exotic and sweet. It was such a passion and such a sin...and I wanted more by the time he pulled away.
"Wait..." I said.
I watched as a single tear ran down my eye, but I caught it and pulled away. I didn't want to pull away. It felt as though I was tucked in on a snowy day in January and my alarm just rang early in the morning after I had just fallen asleep a few hours before. I knew I had to get up...to get away but it hurt almost physically to do it.
"Why did you want to wait?" he explained, "Don't you want me?"
I looked at Vince. It was Vince damn it. His mulatto skin seemed to shine like a diamond in the moonlight that ran through the window. His pajama pants hung loosely at his hips, only held up by the bulge in his pants and his thin waist. His bulge was something magnificent really. The V cuts in his waist line all seemed to point right to it. My hormones raged. He probably knew it. He HAD probably caught me watching his body develop for all these years. He'd probably seen me staring...damn near drooling just to touch him in the way he had just touched me now.
"You aren't gay," I said, laughing. It was nervous laughter. I didn't know what to do. I was so lost and confused about this. How would you feel if your lifelong best friend just hit on you?
He looked so serious. He looked dead serious.
"Don't do this to me," he continued, "You know how long it took me to build up the courage to do this. When I found out you were gay, it seemed like a blessing. I couldn't handle it. That was the reason why I hung up on you that night. I was scared."
I walked around the bed. This was so weird. For a minute all I could think about was how this could happen...why here...why now? I had been openly available this whole time...but then I catch feelings for Amir now and he comes at me with this. He'd probably suspected I liked Amir...he probably...
"Is this because of Amir?" I ask him, my eyes squinting at him, "Are you jealous about my friendship with him?"
"Some want-to-be thug playboy is nothing for me to be jealous of," he said, obviously insulted by the slightest idea of it.
"Playboy?"
His usually soft face wrinkled up in frustration, "Haven't you noticed? I know that you like him. I don't get it. What the fuck do you see in him? The fact that he plays around with all these girls...getting their hopes up and then playing them out. He's a playboy!"
He was right. It hurt to admit that Amir had a flaw, but it was obvious that Amir was a playboy. He loved the attention he got from girls. He acted like he didn't like it, but then why was he disappearing with yet another girl in the middle of the night. It was getting annoying. It was like he was WUW's Most Wanted or something.
"So you...kissing me...had nothing to do with him?" I ask.
He walks over to me. He reaches for me. I try to dodge, him, but I can't. His hand grabs me and pulls me close. She shakes me as though I was a vending machine that lost his change or something.
"Does it matter?"
I shrugged my shoulders, "It matters to me. This is so hard to believe. I just ... don't believe it."
I couldn't believe I was hesitating. His body was calling out for me. I could feel it and my body was calling out for him. I don't know what stupidity was holding me back. This boy wanted me. Did it matter why he started wanting me? It did. I didn't understand why.
He was rubbing my arm and it turned me on. He was looking me right in my eyes, "I don't know what my feelings are...but I care about you...I am not going to wait until it's too late."
"I care about you too."
I meant it. If I had the slightest idea that Vince was gay this entire time...things would have been different. It was almost like I had ruled it out. He'd been like my brother, but I never lost an attraction for him.
He kept talking as though getting everything off his chest, "I'm not going to lie. I don't know what this is. I have to figure it out. I don't know if I'm gay or anything. Honestly, I did...something once. I can't tell you with who but I can tell you it was a long time ago and lets just say, I didn't want it to happen. I don't know what I am. All I know is that every time you leave the room, the sun sets and I don't know it is morning time until I see you again. I'm tired of living in darkness."
"Damn..."
It was so deep. Vince had always been somewhat different from the plastic dolls, but he'd never shown me this side of him. For a moment it was almost like he sounded like me.
"I've been thinking about what I wanted to say to you for awhile now. Let me finish," he cut me off. Then held put both his hands around my waist pulling me closer by my waist. He had so much control. I realized that by how he moved my body. He knew that I was the smaller guy and he probably knew that it wouldn't take much to manipulate my body. He seemed to like doing it. I could tell.
"Go ahead," I said.
"You own the sun. Don't you understand Chauncey?" he asked me, "You are the only bright part of all this. I don't know what I am feeling. I just need to figure it out, but I want you to know I've been thinking this for as long as I've known you."
I kissed him then.
It wasn't a tongue kiss or anything like that. It was a kiss on his lips. I'd spent all this time thinking about Amir that I hadn't noticed Vince much at all. Vince was right Amir was just a straight boy who loved to chase pussy all the time. I would probably just hurt myself in the process of chasing him.
Vince took that as a sign. He kissed me back when I broke the small peck, but his kiss was forceful. He was kissing me as though his passion had been stored aside for a thousand lifetimes. I couldn't help but to back away from the passion. It was overwhelming...it made my body shiver to feel him pressing up against my lips.
I had backed up until I tripped onto the bed.
Even me falling onto the bed didn't stop him. He climbed up onto me and continued to rampage my body. His hands touched every part of me. He touched my chest and worked his way to my stomach. His hand went inside of my shirt...then I felt his hands going inside of my underwear.
"Uhhhhh!"
My moan was involuntary as he stroked my dick in this firm way almost as though he was trying to make me cum immediately.
His kisses were rough and full of passion. They spoke more words then he ever could. His tongue rushed to the back of my throat, trying to go deeper and deeper. He was trying to enter me with his tongue.
His hands moved from my front and started to work on my side and then gripped onto my ass in this rough stroking motion. He gripped it and squeezed it and I moaned in pleasure and pain. As soon as he heard that he began to suck on my neck as though trying to make me shut up. He sucked hard and deep. I was panting all of a sudden...finding it hard to concentrate.
That was when he grabbed for something. On my dresser.
I could tell it lotion just by the squirting sound it made as he poured it into his palm.
"Are you ready for this?" I asked him, completely understanding why he was grabbing for it.
"I've waited forever to do this."
I watched as his dick popped out of his pajamas. It was just as I had imagined it to be. It was a dick that pointed upward and it was thick with this huge round head at the top. I was gawking at it as I saw him put the lotion all over it.
I wanted it...I wanted it so bad. I knew that he didn't plan on using a condom, but it wasn't like Patience didn't get us tested all the time. Hell she picked out who he could have sex with. She made sure they didn't have anything too. I knew he didn't have anything either.
The thought of Patience controlling him brought the next thought to my head. Had it even occurred to him to think that we were still STUCK in this Dollhouse?"
"What happens next?" I ask him.
He licked his lips in this sexy way that made me melt, "I'm going to put you to bed."
He rubbed the lotion all over his piece. For some reason I thought because he was black and white that his dick would be reddish like white boy or maybe a dark brown like darker boys but it matched his skin tone almost exactly. It was so weird. I saw how his upper bodies muscles flexed as he did it. He was getting into it. He let out a soft moan. Damn...he was sexy.
I'd never been the bottom before with the guys that I'd had sex with. I had gotten fingered and that hurt enough, but I wanted to take it for Vince. However...something just pulled me back. The same thing that had been making me grow distant this whole time.
"No, I mean with Patience," I tell him, "What are we going to do? You going to sneak into my room all the time and have sex with me. We just going to live a lie? How long will you THAT last?"
He seemed confused that I was bringing it out when he had his dick hard as a rock in his palm. I could tell he was so horny by the way his hand seemed to involuntary move up and down the shaft even though I could tell his eyes were paying me 100% attention.
"I'll last forever. I'll always want you...I think...I think I love you."
I sighed.
It was so beautiful to hear those words. I thought about it again. I could deal with the problems in the morning. My body was screaming at me to just go through with it. However...I had a feeling, doing this with him now would just make it ok to do it in the future.
"I don't want to sneak around all my life," I explained to him, "It don't want you to think you love me. I want you to know it. If we do this now with all these uncertain feelings we have, how do you know we won't be like this forever? You'll get married to the perfect woman and I'll get married. You'll still sneak in my room then? How about when you have kids? Will you still want me then?"
I was trying to get away from the lie...it seemed like Vince was just trying to hold me there.
"I can't answer that...I don't know."
"Neither do I. I'm sorry "
He shook his head and made this look on his face that looked like he couldn't believe I was turning him down. Hell I couldn't believe I was turning him down.
"Are you serious?"
"You don't even know what you want."
"I want you!"
"You just think you do."
I wasn't going to stay in the Dollhouse. I had a feeling that if Vince and I were going to work out, it wasn't going to be now. It wasn't going to be moments after he kept admitting that he had no idea if he knew for sure what was happening or if he didn't.
I turned around and wrapped myself in my blankets.
I don't know why I hoped that Vince would stay...just understand. He didn't though. I heard him get up angrily.
"Fuck this," he said.
He got up off the bed and walked out of the room.
I hoped I was making the right decision.