Seduction By Exposure

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Seduction By Exposure by Jakladd aka Bobbi Jayne

Not even sure how to begin here. It happened over time, easy for me to look back on it now but as it unfolded it seemed to be shrouded in mist.

Things happen in your life are like scattered jigsaw puzzle pieces as they happen, only to snap into place after looking them over in detail.

I was dating a girl, Susie, and things were going great. So good in fact we had moved in together and that's kinda of how all this happened.

Let me explain.

Susie was a godsend for me after I had a string of at least three very powerful love affairs with some very beautiful women. I had been divorced a number of years and these three love affairs all had remarkably similar progressions; intense romantic attraction, white hot love affair only to explode into flames and crash down to earth into an emotional pile of ashes. Every one of them, the same pattern. Of course, I was pretty screwed up too and if you are whack then attraction between equally screwed up people is pretty common. Then my dad died and psychologically I slipped a bit unknowingly. Up to this point I wasn't any more into drink and drugs than the next guy, but it took a heavy turn for the worse. After the love affairs and the emotional carnage in its wake something else popped up, my sexuality. I guess I had always been a closet bisexual and would have a bi encounter with a guy every few years.

I did it before my first marriage to Carrie and a few times during that marriage while it lasted. Then I went like ten years from the end of the marriage with Carrie through the three explosive love affairs with no homosexual encounters.

After my dad died and the love affairs had left me a wreck, I went on a substance abuse fueled behavior pattern that was strictly homosexual. My state was very destructive, dozens of anonymous gay encounters and tons of drugs and alcohol. None of the sexual encounters were even remotely satisfying and I was spiraling lower and lower. Then something snapped. What fortitude I had left inside salvaged me after a bleary hungover confrontation with my boss. My dad was an alcoholic, I did not want to be one. I got help. I got better. After a period of time where I was clean, clearer thinking and a better person I met Susie. She was beautiful in a very simple mid-western gal kind of way and very even keeled, not at all screwed up like my past loves and how whack I was before cleaning up. Thanks for bearing with me letting me set where the story starts.

Susie and I dated for over a year before moving in together. Moving in was my idea, she was pretty hesitant about it but up to that point in dating things had gone very well for our relationship. She was from a very conservative mid-west family; my upbringing was much less strict but also chaotic with moving around a lot and the alcoholism in the family.

With Susie I cherished the stability and lack of drama; between the two of us opposites attracted unlike two psyche jobs attracting each other in my previous romantic relationships. Our moving in together was something we hid from Susie's parents. I had moved into her condo and when her parents came to visit then I stayed in a motel a time or two. Her parents lived about 2 hours away in rural part of the state. At some point I ran into a friend Ronnie who I had known in my drinking days. He knew Susie and when I told him of the arrangement of me vacating when Susie's folks were in town, he told me I could stay with him those one or two nights the folks were around. And so, the next time I needed to vacate because of Susie's folks, I called Ronnie.

Looking back some parts of my stay over at Ronnie's are hazy remembering the time sequences, other parts are as clear as the day they happened.

One of my stays over at Ronnie's apartment I contacted Deb, really the one true love of my failed love affairs. We both still loved each other but we knew too much time had passed and too much water under the bridge.

Still, with my relationship with Susie deepening I needed to know with Deb if things were indeed over. It was good to see her, she was a stunning, skinny, small breasted "heavy metal" blond always with dark eye shadow with whom sex was always phenomenal, but with too much chaos, drama and dysfunction it prevented a stable relationship. Don't remember much of that night, of course I wanted to screw her but just remember feeling up her lovely little titties through her top as we kissed, that was all, no sex. Was the time I saw or heard from her.

Ronnie was very nice to put me up and I must admit I have always been a very horny guy. Being at his place while he was at work, I rummaged around to see if he had any girlie magazines, doesn't every guy? Back in those days, yes. Sure enough, I found a couple of Playboy mags and beat off. What I also remember staying over at Ronnie's was one morning he was in his bedroom, it was a tiny one bedroom flat, and I was out under the covers on the couch where I had slept. We were both up and can't remember exactly how it started but we began a deep, lengthy, esoteric conversation. He was in his bed in the one bedroom and I was nude under a sheet out on the couch, I always slept nude. We were actually very good friends from years before and had always hit it off on an intellectual level. Our conversation was a connection between us talking and laughing from our separate rooms and beds. Again, I don't remember why or how but as I was talking with Ronnie I was getting very turned on and had a massive hard on by this point. We weren't talking sex, maybe about women, but just talking and connecting as friends do.

Ronnie got up to use the bathroom and went to the fridge walking by me on the couch and offered me some juice, which I declined. He had a tee shirt and boxers on. When he walked back to his bedroom for some reason, I had pulled the sheet half off, one leg under the sheet but one leg and my big hard on and naked chest exposed. He had to have seen my hard on.

He was soon back in his room and our conversation picked right back up.

No way he would not have seen my hard cock. For me it was scintillating to expose myself so nonchalantly to Ronnie, once you have an erection sometimes the penis does the thinking. After about another twenty minutes or so of conversation Ronnie got up to fix some coffee. I was still hard and very aroused, not really sure what I was doing or where this might lead. From all the many homosexual encounters I had before I was with Susie, I loved being naked for another guy, it just felt so arousing and natural. Ronnie walked by me and I had pulled more of the sheet off and was nearly totally exposed and fully hard as he walked by.

We talked as Ronnie made coffee and as it was brewing, he stood at the end of the counter talking to me as I lay there nearly fully exposed, hard cock and all, as if it was no big deal. He talked with me till coffee was ready looking right at me, my big hard cock as plain as day.

From there I guess I chickened out. It's easy to have a gay encounter with an anonymous guy, quite different with someone who is a straight friend and knows I live with a girl, that being the reason I was even sleeping at his place. So, nothing happened. Still in the back of my mind Ronnie always struck me as someone it might be natural to have a male/male encounter with but it just wasn't right for me to force the issue.

Ronnie and I didn't hang out a lot, I worked a great deal and was deeply involved with Susie. Still we kept in touch and Susie and I were more than a little surprised when Ronnie was engaged to a girl named Sandra after dating her only a matter of months. We couldn't say anything, but we saw all the earmarks of trouble. Sure enough, in less than a year, Ronnie went from engaged, to married, to divorced. Ronnie took it in stride joking about being blown up by "Sandra bin Laden". By that time Ronnie had moved to a small house in another part of town. He was an aspiring artist and actually quite good, I know because there are a number of talented artists in my family. Susie worked Mondays through Fridays, I worked Tuesdays through Saturdays. Ronnie had flexible schedule and was generally off on Mondays too. Sometimes I would stop by his house on my day off and we'd chit chat and he'd show me his works; landscapes, animals of all sorts like buffaloes, horses, birds, even a few nudes. I think I was married to Susie by this time and still I always wondered "what if" about that morning I let him see me naked and when I exposed to him my hard cock. I had gone over to Ronnie's a few times to hang out over a period of months and it was always in the back of my mind if he remembered like I did about that morning.

One Monday at his place when looking at some of his paintings, there was a nude painting of a woman. I can't even really remember how I got the nerve up but awkwardly I blurted I would be glad to pose like that for him if he ever needed a model. We kind of chuckled about it but nothing more than that. Inside I was a little embarrassed that I had even said that, kinda of opening myself and showing my feelings, putting myself on the spot. When I got home, Susie was at work. Even though I was mad at myself for making that statement about posing for Ronnie, it really turned me on. The thought about exposing myself and being nude for him again made me so hard I masturbated to an intense climax in my hyper sexual fantasy world. Honestly, I was a little hesitant about going over to his place for quite a while so as he wouldn't think I was too whack, so I just let things alone and tried to get it out of my mind. It was more than a few weeks later I ran into Ronnie coming out of the supermarket as I was going in. As we greeted, he said:

"Long time no see stranger, where you been hiding?"

"Oh, just busy, didn't want to bug you," I sheepishly said.

"That's good. As long as you're not avoiding me," Ronnie said jokingly.

"Like the plague," I joked back. We looked at each other, one of those looks where we both knew something was up.

"You sure? You're acting funny," we looked at each other with uncertainty again.

"Thought I might have freaked you out," I blurted out.

"What? Why?" Ronnie went on.

"Nothing, forget it," I said uncomfortably. We both looked at each other again, then stared blankly at each as Ronnie tried to process and recollect why were at this stumbling point in the conversation. After another long pause he asked:

"About posing? Was that it?"

"Yeah, kinda," rather sheepishly I offered. "It freaked me out that I said it. Hope you're not mad." I should have left it alone and not said this, here I was making a big deal out of it in my mind.

"Mad? Nonsense, I'm not mad at you," Ronnie went on. "I thought you were just kidding. Guessing you took it more seriously than I thought. You didn't need to avoid me over that. I'm fine with it if you are. Come on over Monday if you aren't too shy about it. I'm always up for a challenge, for a new painting" Ronnie said in his easy-going jovial manner.

"Sure?" I ashamedly blurted softly.

"I'm sure. You're my friend, no need to be a stranger. Day time the lighting is good for painting," he said as he gave me a big hug. "I won't bite. Really, is that why you've not been around? You should have said something. We can make it a work of art."

He was much more of a "hugger" than I was, maybe that's why I initially thought he might be cool with things. Back when I was moving in with Susie and I remember giving him this nice glass coffee table that Susie would not have wanted at her place. Ronnie just seemed overly excited and appreciative about getting it and hugged me and just seemed overly affectionate about something I thought was no big deal. As I got to thinking about actually posing for him and it did freak me out a little to go through with it. Yeah, I made a big deal about it in my mind and he thought nothing of it and forgot about it. So here I'm fantasizing about posing nude and wanting him to see me naked for sexual reasons and he is thinking about a 'work of art'.

It was Thursday when we stumbled into each other at the supermarket and Monday did not seem that far off when I was going to go over to Ronnie's to pose nude for him. When Susie was in bed asleep that night I could not help but think about it while down on the couch. I immediately took off my clothes and masturbated to a mind-numbing ejaculation just thinking about disrobing for Ronnie. Was not sure it was going to lead to anything but the thought of being nude for him again and him acknowledging me being nude for him by posing was thrilling beyond belief. From that day it took forever till Monday rolled around when I would be going over to pose for Ronnie. I had a hard on every time I thought about it. Sex with Susie during that weekend was incredible too, she had no idea that the reason I was so aroused was because I was so very excited about posing naked for Ronnie.

It was a little awkward when I got over to Ronnie's but he had a back drop set up and gave me a few pointers before we got started, he was much more at ease than I was. I told him that would be honored for him to do a painting of me but under no circumstances could he ever tell Susie about it or show it to anyone that knows me. Ronnie said okay, just on his part I could not see the painting until it was finished, that it would take 3 or 4 sittings to do the painting. I'm tall and slender with little body hair and still rather boyish for my age. Ronnie was taller, beefier, with reddish hair a moustache and glasses. I was nervous and excited; my biggest fear was that I would take my clothes off for him sporting a huge woody. As much as it thrilled me to be nude for him again, I did not want it to be too obvious. Luckily my nervousness helped keep my penis flaccid as I struck the reclining pose on the draped backdrop. Plus, laying there stationary for over an hour is pretty boring and un-stimulating.

It was almost clinical in our interaction with each other and I got dressed and went home like it was no big deal with him. For me when I got home that day, it was a big deal. I was soon naked, beating off to a lovely climax just from the thrill of being naked again for Ronnie.

Showing him my naked body brought back a rush of the same feelings and excitement I had the from when I exposed myself to Ronnie in his apartment. And sex with Susie the climaxes were incredible just at the naughty thought of being naked for Ronnie. Same thing after the second session, a superb masturbation once I got home and still a wonderful hard on every time just thinking about when I was naked for him. Ronnie indicated that he'd probably be done after the third sitting; I could not wait see the painting. And I must admit that after the second session I was more than half hard and kinda played with myself nonchalantly as I got dressed as we talked. Having him see me naked and see me play with my cock made me tingle inside but I knew it was all just in my mind.

The third session seemed to drag on forever but he had to be getting close to finishing the painting. Knowing that, involuntarily my cock got very hard laying there naked in front of him. Reclining nude with massive hard on. I was smitten with arousal and fucking loved being nude for him and letting him observe my erection. When he looked away from me and back at the canvas, I would rub my cock to keep it hard then take my hand away before he looked back. I know he had to see my nice hard cock because he kept looking over at me. My erection slowly subsided somewhat but was still mostly hard and after an eternity Ronnie finally told me to come look at the painting. Not even bothering to get dressed I walked naked over to the easel and peeked. Ronnie was sitting down smiling as I gathered in the painting. Neither of us said a word as we both gazed at it. Wow, it was good. Simple, but good. Reclining nude, can't get much more basic than that. Still, seeing a painting of yourself is a life experience not to be discounted.

We had not spoken a word other than me saying "Wow I love it".

Inadvertently in my nakedness, I leaned my body into Ronnie with my elbow casually resting on his shoulder. My cock was more than half hard.

As we continued to look at the painting his arm went around my naked waist. It was all very natural and casual that I was leaning on him, even being naked next to him and with his arm around my waist. Quite involuntarily, my cock was now fully erect. It was something that was unmistakable. Bold and plain as day my erection stood out proudly in the quiet of the afternoon. We looked softly into each other's eyes. It was so obvious my cock was that hard and erect, throbbing and twitching, poking out. The fact it was sticking out as it was, there was no way to avoid the truth of it being hard like that. In my nakedness leaning into Ronnie there was just no way to avoid the fact that I had a massive erection sticking out so stiff. A clear drop of pre cum glistened on the tip. I wanted so bad for Ronnie to touch it. Really from the first time I showed him my hard cock so long ago I wanted him to touch it. We held the gaze for an eternity when he at last lifted his hand to touch my penis. Inside I shuddered as Ronnie gently stroked my penis. All the buildup of times I let Ronnie see me naked were now manifest with his hand pulling on my penis. It was a quiet, gentle, sensual, quite natural homosexual moment. A naked guy standing next to his seated, clothed male friend whose gentle loving touch on his friend's stiff penis was producing an unimaginable wave of sexual desire.

I hummed softly as his other hand casually moved from around my waist to caressing my naked buns. In a slow-motion daze, we stood there the sexual energy pulsating about us. My fully hard cock was stiff as steel as he touched it, with Ronnie simultaneously playing with my butt and pulling on my cock. I had hoped this day would come but kept my hopes under wraps if it did not. Standing there naked as he played with my massively hard cock while he was sitting there clothed, it was surprising I didn't pee cum all over him. We didn't speak, we just enjoyed the moment. A flood of feelings was going through me as I remembered back to when I first revealed my nakedness and my hard cock to Ronnie. With me being nude for him again as he was clothed with his hand tugging on my hard penis might have been one of the most arousing, most stimulating moments of my life.

I didn't want it to stop; I just wanted to be nude for him and have him admire my nakedness, admire my throbbing hard cock and continue fondling it with my arm around his shoulder. We looked at each other in a silent fog of desire, even today I always get hard as stone thinking about that moment. Just remembering standing there naked with Ronnie pulling on the stiffest erection I had ever had still burns into my memory. After another eternity I slid onto his lap sitting on him with my arms around him. In a flash we were kissing. As his masculine face and tongue pressed into mine our hungry passionate kissing released the torrent of my homosexual desires. I'm guessing I have always been homosexual; kissing another man was always incredibly stimulating for me, let alone presenting myself naked to a man.

Our hungry obsessive kissing, nuzzling and moaning broke the quiet of the afternoon. Like an eager loving puppy, I tongued his ear in a huff of desire. His manly hands played with my hard-naked nipples like I was nubile young prize. In the heat of our passion this led me to slide off Ronnie's lap and fumble opening his pants. As I finally was able to free it from the confines of his pants his cock was very hard as my mouth found it, kissing it, licking it, sniffing it, finally engulfing it in my mouth, finally sucking his cock. In a mad frenzy I lathered his penis with my adoration finally releasing my long pent up desire to have sex with my friend. Oblivious to everything but pleasuring his penis, Ronnie shook me from my sex crazed state pulling on my elbow saying "come on, silly" as he pulled me up, leading me to his bedroom. I helped him disrobe as we then melted naked together into bed kissing hungrily, nuzzling, moaning, pulling on each other's cocks, frotting and humping and grinding both of our nice-looking cocks into each other's. Where as many of my homosexual encounters of the past were with anonymous partners and unfulfilling, this romp in bed with Ronnie was about as wonderful of a sexual connection I had ever had with anyone. All the build up from that first time exposing myself to him followed by posing nude for him to paint me, exploded into a storm of sexual energy as we made love. My mouth soon found his penis again as I resumed sucking his cock. It was a famished, obsessive cock sucking.

Finally, being naked and hard with him in his bed melted away all my unrequited longing from that day long ago when I first let him see me naked as I subconsciously tried to seduce him. My mouth was glued to his cock, sucking off my friend as his gentle moans rippled in the quiet afternoon sunlit bedroom. Eventually we ended up in a torrid sixty-nine as he first tasted my cock and I too enjoyed the sensation of his mouth on my penis. All we could focus on was the sensation and slurping sucking sound of simultaneously sucking each other's cock. This carried on for the longest time as we faithfully sucked each other's cocks, licked each other's balls in a steamy cloud of male on male pleasure.

Coming up for breath, I climbed up into Ronnie's arms forcing my mouth on his for a hungry passionate kiss, then tonguing his ear and rubbing face on face in wild, unabated horny sex play. As I calmed down a bit lying next to him with my head on his shoulder, we pulled on each other's cock's registering the sexual sensation reverberating throughout our beings. Gathering our senses as our hands fondled and pulled on each other's cocks the feelings we were experiencing left us in pleasant shock.

"I've wanted this for a long time." I told Ronnie, finally blurting out what I felt in his apartment all those years ago. "I fucking love being naked for you," finally able to express in words to him what my actions had repeatedly silently shown.

"Mmmmm. Me too," Ronnie simply replied.

It was so natural and unforced to be naked together pulling on each other's cocks. Time stood still, only the sensations in our penises, our bodies, our thoughts vibrated about us. I couldn't help myself as I slid down between Ronnie's legs and took his cock back in my mouth. Bathing and lathering his hard cock with my tongue he ran his hand through my hair and hummed "mmmmmmm". Maybe it was selfish of me to want his cock so bad, but sucking his cock made me want to pleasure him and that made me as aroused and horny as I had ever been. It had been so long since I had been with another guy, years in fact, and my sexual hunger was driving me wild. Everything that led up to this point was making it so much better with Ronnie than any sex with any guy I had ever had.

Admittedly I loved sucking cock and it was something that drove my being; I was a lot gayer than anyone had a clue about, this I was now admitting to myself. This was a pleasurable, guilt free, shame free homosexual encounter, not driven by drugs or drink, this was part of who I was. This my first gay encounter since I cleaned many years ago and the years I had been with Susie.

Ironic too, as my last homosexual encounter from before I had the hungover confrontation with my boss and cleaned up my life was actually quite satisfactory and enjoyable. It was one night I snuck a guy into this place I was living with a straight roommate. It was a funky old apartment and I had the basement to myself and there was a door to a common laundry and the street. Right after I let this guy in from the outside basement door, I got a phone call from Deb. This was another irony as we had been apart for quite some time though I always sent out feelers to her, I never heard back from her. So right as I sneak a guy into my room she calls? Yeah, a little coincidental. The guy was cool about it and waited 20 minutes till I finally got off the phone with Deb.

Then we immediately kissed and disrobed. After all the unfulfilling, strange, sometimes forced, sometimes scary anonymous gay encounters I had done up to this point, this turned out to be one of my best gay hookups next to my affair with Ronnie.

So back then during this encounter I had with this guy at that old apartment, it was very sensuous, we kissed and nuzzled, played with each other's cocks, sucked on each other's cocks till he lay back and I took him in my mouth. With steady determination I made love to his cock till he came in my mouth, I sucked down every bit of cum. It was the best blow job I had ever given anyone. He was cool, handsome and really dug me, said I was hot. I was so horny and hard and hadn't cum yet. This guy and I just kissed, nuzzled and whispered loving things for quite some time, he loved my cock and sucked on my cock some more. Must have been about an hour of this since I had sucked him off and he was been hard again as we played with each other. I put a condom on him and climbed on top of him and he pretty much slid right in. We fucked with me on top kissing him till he came again and I finally came. Never did get his phone number or even his name nor ever saw him again though if I had I know things would have been different in my life. He would have been a hot boyfriend and instead of getting myself clean and getting married to Susie I might have been more inclined to come out as gay. That encounter with that guy was on a Thursday night and that Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday was Superbowl weekend and I went on a four-day bender that lead me to change my life.

So, with it have being so long since I last sucked cock and that time I remember as being a very good experience, sucking Ronnie's cock was driving me wild. With loving determination, I kept at my quest with Ronnie squirming in pleasure running his hands through my hair. I kept at it, if you love sucking cock, the cock can tell and good things will occur. I loved it all; sucking cock, kissing Ronnie, being naked with Ronnie, above all the sensation of finally being able to act upon my gay desires with a loving partner. Ronnie responded in kind to the loving attention I was bestowing upon him as I sucked his cock. His cock was big like mine, veiny with a big red bulbous helmet head. When he was getting close his body language and sounds emanating from his voice told me so. With me sucking so lovingly and diligently on his cock it in turn ejaculated into my mouth as I hungrily lapped down the squirts of cum.

Finally, I had succeeded pleasuring my friend in a way I had long only dreamed about or masturbated about. Sucking his cock clean like that after all the build up to that point was so incredible. I sucked and licked and kissed and rubbed my face into his cock long after he had cum before finally climbing back into his arms for an appreciative kiss. We both softly said "Wow!" at exactly the same time and chuckled about that. We were floating. Needless to say, I was still incredibly hard and we made out as Ronnie pulled on my cock. Then laying back, Ronnie masturbated me as my climax built. Humping my cock into his hand was incredible feeling him touch me. I finally came. It was a wonderful ejaculation as my orgasm culminated all the stimulus of everything that had occurred to this point between me and Ronnie.

We stayed naked together for the longest time being quiet and contemplating what had just transpired. For me there was no remorse or shame about what we did with each other, only tenderness. Ronnie was always somewhat of an overly contemplative person so I'm sure a lot of thoughts maybe some doubts about what had occurred. After all I was married and he was dating a girl or two, nothing serious. Still, he was cool about things and affectionate to me as I got dressed and ready to leave. We looked at the painting again and hugged and kissed tenderly.

It really was awesome and I told him, pleaded with him that nobody can see it.

When I got home, I was quite a bit more subdued than the previous times I came home from posing nude for Ronnie. Never the less, I masturbated again before Susie came home from work. By the time she got home a little guilt had set in and all through the week I tried to downplay in my mind what had happened between me and Ronnie. Still, my homosexual encounter with Ronnie hung around me all week like a sweet pink cloud.

When Monday rolled around again, I called him to see how he was doing and to see if he needed any company. He said "sure come on over" and I began to get butterflies about the possibility of... When I got there, we hugged and he took me in to see the painting again. It was every bit as impressive as I remembered. We held both hands together, staring into each other's eyes. A long hard slow kiss followed and Ronnie led me to his bedroom. As we were yet again naked together in his bed, it was not the same intensity as the last time but it was still absolutely fucking wonderful to be naked and hard again with Ronnie. I was all over him kissing him, playing with his cock, telling him he was awesome. Again, it was different, we both knew that , but it was exciting being naked in bed together. As we kissed and frotted and played with each other's cock he did tell me I was beautiful and that he really loved my body, that made me feel incredible. We kissed and sucked each other's cocks as we renewed our lovemaking. Back in his arms kissing him I pulled on his cock and knew he had to like what was happening.

I know now that while his body was reacting positively to our romancing, inside his head he was not entirely certain how to handle the stigma of having gay sex with a longtime friend. Regardless, while he was very passionate and loving in bed with me, he was not nearly as expressive verbally about it with me as I was. Even then I was careful not to say too much to not freak him out but I did not hide how much it turned me on being his gay lover, actions speak louder than words. However, when he slipped and told me "you make me so hard" Ronnie didn't object when I spread my legs and pressed his nice hard cock at my hole and I told him I wanted him inside me. He did get a little lube and started fucking me.

I was not the most experienced at it but I knew I was bottom and really wanted his cock in me. He asked about protection, I told him I was OK without. It was fucking awesome to get fucked bareback, I was so aroused and squirmed and writhed in his arms, I felt like a girl. I did whisper in his ear things like "this is so hot" "I love your cock" "please fuck me" Ronnie needed no encouragement as he fucked me hard and kissed me passionately. I was such the feminine partner and writhed, whimpered and moaned like a girl saying "oh fuck yes" "gawd I love this" and "don't stop."

Fuck me he did, pounding his cock deep into me as I really did act feminine and girl like. It was getting us both off. I started jacking myself off as he was fucking me, I started moaning, rolling my eyes back in my head and I came many excited blasts of cum all over my stomach.

That's all it took and he came so hard pumping his seed up into me.

Collapsing on top of we kissed as he held me and we stayed joined as the sensation subsided. As friends he would always say matter of fact statements that were dry and funny, just the way he would say them. When he told me, I was a "great fuck", I said "yeah, I know" in a very similar manner. We chuckled over that as he kissed me again before disengaging.

Laying together snuggled in silence for the longest time Ronnie finally spoke:

"I'm not gay. Just want you to know that," he said looking at the ceiling. "We are just friends, OK?"

"Hey, I'm not gay either," I lied. "This just happened between us. It was me that seduced you. We both know where things stand. I'm married.

I love Susie. She and I are best friends. I don't want to lose her or hurt her. I don't want to freak you out or screw up your mind either."

I paused. "Know what though? Regardless, this happening with you has been the most exciting thing that has ever happened to me. I've never been this aroused, this horny, this excited or enjoyed sex more than I have with you. Maybe I'm gay, maybe I'm bi. I know this is just a transitory thing between us, we have other things in our lives going on.

I'm just enjoying the 'here and now' and will deal with everything else later, I blurted out and grasped his hand. "Wow! that was a mouthful," I added.

"I know," Ronnie replied simply. "I know."

I got up and peed then returned naked to bed. Ronnie did the same and we lay there in silence for a while. In the quiet sunny afternoon, I laid my head on his shoulder as we silently contemplated what we had gotten ourselves into. We snuggled in silence for quite some time, then as was my nature I felt "it" again and lightly stroked my cock, it was hard again in no time. Ronnie put his hand on it and took over, slowly jacking me off. Regardless of our rationalizing our situation I loved being naked for him and loved feeling his hand on my cock. I told him that, "I fucking love being naked for you, fucking love you touching me." It was true. We kissed again and by this time my hand was on his cock.

We fondled each other's cocks and were both soon hard as stone again. I went on:

"Don't be mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you silly," Ronnie interrupted.

"That's good because I'm the one who led us here, I'm the one..."

"And I'm here with you like this because I like it too," Ronnie interrupted again as he gave my cock a squeeze.

"Anyway, I guess I need to tell you I've been with a lot of guys before.

Remember when I lived in that old apartment on Lincoln Street with Jim?

And you and I used to play music in the basement before I quit drinking, before I met Susie? I'd sneak guys in my room late at night or when Jim spent the night at his girlfriend's place. I'm a lot gayer than anyone knows. It was kinda obsessive, destructive, impulsive. Maybe because of the substance abuse. But then I did the same thing before and during with my first wife. You don't know this but I'm kinda a fag."

"No, you're not! You're just a sweet guy," Ronnie interjected. We were both still playing with each other's cocks as we talked.

"No, I really am kinda a fag. Really. I wear panties and lingerie and act like a fag. People think I'm normal and straight, a quiet, reserved, respectable guy. Don't think anyone has any idea that I act like a sissy fag wearing panties for guys. I'm kinda a show off too when I'm like that. I don't know why I'm like that it's just who I am in the 'closet'.

Couldn't tell you why I like to wear panties and act gay. Maybe because I was sexually abused as a very young boy made me gay, I don't know. As for acting feminine in panties I have no idea. Deb might have done something to me. She was so beautiful and sexy, but she was a little whack too, so many mind games. Sex with her was fucking heaven. She knew she could get me to do anything, she always held me at arm's length, always put me through a psychological gauntlet before she'd let me screw her. If we went out to a bar every guy would stare at her she was so hot, she knew that, I knew that. Sometimes in bed she made me wear a thong. They weren't girls' underwear but close to it, bright colors, very thin material. It was fucking insane how hard they'd make me. In some ways I think she enjoyed subtly emasculating me. After we broke up and I started drinking heavy I'd buy panties and lingerie to wear for guys I'd hook up with. It just felt so natural and exciting to do that.

It was just who I was inside." I was giving Ronnie a peek into who I was and how I live inside my secret life.

I was so hard telling him this as he stroked my cock. Just revealing all this to him being there naked stroking each other's cock made us both very aroused and it made us reconnect on a deeper level wiping away some of the weirdness about being gay with each other. We went from "OK it just happened and we had gay sex again, now what? This might be awkward," after he fucked me; to just sensuous feelings of desire as I took him and kissed him madly pulling on his cock. He felt it too as we embraced and kissed in our naked gay abandon. I started whispering things in his ear between mad hungry kisses like "you're so hot" "I love your cock" "I'm such a fag for you" " I love being your girl " and all these phrases did the trick as he was all over me again, humping his cock onto me, kissing me back with a hungry fervor. Soon again my mouth was on his cock. I loved sucking cock and being gay with him.

After a while we were both back to jacking each other off. Eventually his hand replaced mine on his own cock as I played with his balls and he knew he wanted to cum. When he began to moan and ejaculate semen all over his tummy I watched in amazement. Quite naturally I reached my face down taking his cum laden penis in my mouth making him shiver as it made his tender cock tingle with my warm wet mouth. Tasting his cum was lovely and kinky and as I was still so hard my arousal led me to lick up most of the cum from his cock and belly. Laying back I began jacking off so I could cum again too. Ronnie was sweet too, kissing my neck and ears, saying nice things like "I'm glad you're my friend", "you have a nice cock", "you really are very sexy." When he told me "I'm not sure this is right what we are doing with each other, but I've wanted to touch you back when I first saw your cock," and then kissed me again as I masturbated even harder and began to cum. My ejaculation was stunning and we lay there coming down from our afternoon of sex.

Ronnie sent me off affectionately telling me "let's just chill for a bit and see what happens." I told him to just call when he felt like getting together again. We both knew the paradigm had shifted and our relationship had changed. We were no longer just "buds", we were lovers, gay lovers at that. That stigma would always be there, what we did together could never be undone. But still for me it was the best gay sex of my life. With a libido as strong as mine with an erotic imagination to match it stuck with me very powerfully. Yes, there was guilt about being married to a wonderful wife but the fact that being naked with Ronnie, kissing him, sucking his cock, taking him inside me was an experience, an event in my sexuality. My bad for putting myself in this position by subtly coming on to Ronnie, literally willing my simmering closet homosexuality into his life and his bed. Looking back in the rear-view mirror I still shudder and get aroused by the four times Ronnie and I were intimate with each other in the roughly year and a half before he moved away.

It was a long time till I heard from Ronnie again, maybe four months or longer. Pretty much thought I freaked him out. It would have been awkward just stopping by at his place to hang out. There would always be the stigma of it, since we had sex so intensely those first two times after I posed for him. Maybe it was just in my mind but I know if I was ever over at his house just me and Ronnie, I know I would want to come on to him, want to get naked with him again. When I was cleaning up my life, I still hung on seeing a therapist every so often. She was really good, I liked her and how she helped me a great deal. She was not your typical clinical therapist; she was a biblical therapist I found in desperation the day I decided to clean up my life. Now I am somewhat spiritual, but she did not try to convert me or anything like that, she just did what a good therapist does and lets you talk through your issues. Initially I did not go her about substance abuse but for sex addiction. Amusing also that she was a reformed lesbian. Now I have actually been clean for many, many years and initially I was guided by her away from homosexual thoughts and actions. What I found was as time went by and I was not on substances anymore and enjoyed that part of my life being clean, my homoseual desires never went away, though being married I generally put them on the shelf. Till I seduced Ronnie. I told my therapist about the time I first exposed my nakedness to Ronnie and she told me I was subconsciously trying to seduce him for this or that reason I can't remember exactly what she told me. Nor can I remember exactly what she told me about my proclivity for wearing panties and lingerie during my homosexual encounters.

The time in between my second and third encounter I was coming to grips that I had an intense homosexual affair with a good friend yet I was married to a wonderful woman. It really was a wonderful marriage, much better than my first marriage, yet I had these gay desires that would not go away. It's one thing to masturbate to gay fantasies and gay porn, quite another to have sex in the flesh with another male. Thinking I pretty much freaked out Ronnie, I tried to not dwell on it but the powerful nature of my hidden sexuality haunted me. Try as I might my fantasies and masturbation were always pretty much about gay sex. Even during sex with Susie it would only be through gay fantasies and thoughts that I would be able to achieve climax, it had been that way for years, long before my affair with Ronnie. My desire to cross-dress increased and rarely a Monday went by when I had the house to myself, that I did not masturbate wearing panties or lingerie. If I thought having a gay sexual encounter freaked out Ronnie before, I could only imagine if he saw me in panties and lingerie what that might do.

Not sure you could call it obsessed but my vivid imagination in the sexual fantasy land of my mind always led me to some very gay thoughts that had really no basis for a reality that would ever exist. When I masturbated or had sex with Susie these fantasies took me to some very wild arousing places with thoughts that I could never tell Susie or even Ronnie. Not sure she would like to know that the only way I could climax inside her was thinking about me having gay sex with another guy. It had been like that for many, many years. These thoughts were so gay and so forbidden that they caused my erections and ejaculations to be out of this world incredible. Yes, these were very, very gay thoughts.

Thoughts like how exciting it would be to have Ronnie be my boyfriend or be my husband, and me be his femboy wife. Just how wonderful and erotic it would be to be "out" and be his steady male lover and partner. Always being able to kiss and hold each other have him see me naked all the time around the house and in bed. To be his lover that enjoyed me always wanting him for sex, always wanting me to suck his cock, having him want to fuck me as the submissive feminine one in our homosexual relationship. The thought of traipsing around in panties, lingerie even high heels and dresses makeup, being naturally feminine and faggy like I always felt inside. These are thoughts I could never reveal to anyone yet they drove my psyche and libido wild. Even just the thought of being barefoot in jeans and a tee shirt and being his clingy, gay boyfriend, always wanting to take off my shirt and be topless for him and open up my jeans so he could fondle my cock as we kissed. These thoughts made me so hard I could barely hold back my ejaculation as I masturbated to all these fantasies.

I shivered at the thought of him taking me to a gay bar to show me off as his boyfriend even if we were just in guy clothes. Thinking about him taking me to a gay bar fully 'en femme' in drag was another intoxicating thought. Or being dressed femme and faggy for Ronnie and a room full of horny guys. My kinky sexual imagination always runs wild. Other things too, kinky things liked having my nipples pierced to show him how gay I was for him. So was the thought of being his chastity lover, Ronnie locking my cock up in a chastity device and denying me erections. What a stimulating fantasy to be in chastity for Ronnie, sucking his cock while mine is locked in a pink chastity device. Or having him with his nice hard cock up my butt with my legs spread and my cock in a chastity device flopping around as he fucks his boy lover. Even the thought of Ronnie showing off my caged penis to other guys or better yet showing my caged cock off to his ex-girlfriends or ex-wife has led to some massive ejaculations in my fantasy world. Not sure why but being in chastity for another guy has always made me feel as gay as fuck.

I knew I would have to be content with these wild thoughts in the fantasy world for my secret masturbations and sex fueled longings. Remembering getting fucked by Ronnie and fucked by the guy in my apartment that one time led me to love inserting things up my butt when masturbating; anal probes, lubed tapered candles, vibrators, dildoes. Even Susie knew to make me climax during sex that her fingering my tight hole is what it would always take to 'trip the trigger'. Everyone has secrets that they may never reveal; I was content to be in the closet not wanting to tip the scales and pursue anymore anonymous gay sex encounters. Still, the memory of my affair with Ronnie and the thought of perhaps another episode always lingered in the back of my mind. Thinking, yeah, it was about five months since I last was intimate with Ronnie. Susie went up on a Saturday to see her folks; I had to work till after eight pm so I stayed behind. On a whim I gave Ronnie a call before leaving work not knowing how it would be received. Surprisingly he answered and genuinely sounded happy to hear from me.

"I was going to give you a call sometime," he told me, though I'm not sure he really would have. "Leslie and I broke up but I didn't want you to think I was only calling to catch you on the rebound," Ronnie said in the wry, dry manner that was his nature.

He invited me over, said maybe we could watch a movie. I told him when I'd be over after I cleaned up from work. When I got over to Ronnie's it was just a curt hug and "hi, how ya been." I had a shoulder bag I dropped by the couch as Ronnie went into the kitchen. You could tell there was a little tension and apprehension in the air. It had been quite a while since I had seen him. So yes, there was a little bit of "the elephant in the room" based on the last time I had seen him when we were naked in bed together. He got himself another beer and me a soda and we sat on the couch. Again, it was a little awkward not knowing what to expect. It was kinda like when you were with a girl who you had slept with at one time but hadn't seen her forever and you didn't really know what was going on in her head. Would she want to "do it" again or just play things by ear, that's how I was sensing things. Ronnie put on a movie and we did not talk much, little chit chat here and there. As the movie played it was on for about a half an hour but it was having a hard time keeping our interest. Ronnie started loosening up and was cracking jokes about the actors in the movie. After a while he said "this movie sucks" and clicked the sound off.

"Sorry I'm such a dick tonight," he said looking over at me. "Guess I'm a little messed up in the head. Things with Leslie fell apart and I'm back to where I always end up. Then with you coming over it scares me a little."

I knew what he meant on both accounts. As long as I had known Ronnie it seemed he always would get a girlfriend, get intense with her then they would break up, time after time. Maybe not as bad as my affairs with Deb and the other girls but still, it was a noticeable pattern. As far as me coming over, unlike me who by now had pretty much accepted what my sexuality was all about, Ronnie had issues with the stigma of gay sex.

"I can go," I said.

"No, don't go. I'm okay. We can be friends." We were sitting quite far apart on the couch as he reached over and clasped my hand. "Stay. I don't care what happens."

He got up to use the bathroom as I got up and went to the room he used for his studio. Looking around I started sorting through a sheave of canvases to see where the nude painting of me might be. When he joined me in the studio I said "my turn" and went to use the bathroom. I fetched my shoulder bag that I had left by the couch and went in the bathroom. All the time in the many months since the last time I had been with Ronnie my sexuality had reverted somewhat to the time before I met Susie - as in by wearing panties and lingerie made me feel gay as fuck and I longed to present myself as feminine to a guy again. In fact, I nearly posted an ad to find a guy to hook up with but chickened out.

Just the thought of posting an ad of me being femme for a guy led to a number of very intense masturbations. Certain that it might freak Ronnie out if I dressed like that for him I had never the less put a few items in the shoulder bag if the opportunity presented itself and I could muster enough nerve to go through with it. There in the bathroom after taking a piss I contemplated doing it.

It's now or never I thought as I started to take off my clothes. It felt good getting naked knowing Ronnie was in the other room. I always liked being naked anytime I could, but being at Ronnie's house knowing Susie was out of town for the evening it felt exciting, exciting that I would show him the side of me I had told him about, the side of me that drove me mad. Keeping it simple I had brought over a pair of high heel open toe strappy sandals, a pair of panties and a Victoria's Secret spaghetti strap chemise. The panties were micro fiber side tie string bikini panties in a pastel aqua blue, they always felt heavenly and made my little butt look cute. The chemise was silky and floral in a similar color of aqua but they were not part of a set. Rummaging through the bag I pulled out a bob style dirty blond wig and a tube of hot pink lipstick. Guess if I was going to go through with I I'd might as well play the part and be as femme and faggy as possible. And faggy I was.

But faggy or not, I did look kinda hot. Men who cross-dress for other men relish the sense of femininity that presenting themselves as a woman for the purpose of sex brings. And the scintillating feelings of being gay, knowing you are gay, showing off your feminine gayness to a masculine man is incomparable. Gay men really don't present themselves as feminine, most are in the masculine attracted to masculine camp. Not me. Flaming feminine fairy type. When you are this type of married closet homosexual, getting the rare opportunity to be the "girl" is priceless.

Positioning the wig and applying a bit of lipstick the transformation took long not at all. Showering at home before coming over I shaved everything; my face, legs, under arms, pubes, balls, ass pussy.

Something else too; I painted my toes hot pink. So rarely did I get that opportunity, I knew I would have to wear socks around Susie and she would not even know till I could remove the nail polish at a later time.

For now, they added a wonderful touch, the whole 9 yards. As I slipped out of the bathroom there was a rug on the floor leading to the studio so the sound of the high heels would not immediately betray my ruse.

Slowing walking towards the studio I called out "did you find it?"

Ronnie knew what I meant. "Yes, it's here," he called back. He was behind the easel when the click clack of the high heels on the hardwood floor announced my entry and revealed to him something surely, surely, he was not expecting. Ronnie's wide-eyed stare as he sat at the easel confirmed this as I slowly, non challant-ly walked up beside him, placing my arm on his shoulder mimicking the time I walked up naked that day he finished the painting. And like that day his arm went around my waist as we again admired the painting.

"I still love it," I said as my penis began tenting in my panties.

"I'm amazed. Never would have thought I'd do something like this," Ronnie commented as we continued to admire the painting. "Or this," he said as he reached his hand to touch my penis growing firm in the silky panties.

I shuddered. The touch of his hand on my penis as he rubbed it around made the déjà vu of the moment every bit as wonderful as the first time.

I was smitten. With my penis now out of the panties and his hand pulling along the length of my erection stroking and jacking on it, clear pre cum was oozing out of the helmet head like a spring seeping from the rocks. Looking gay, feeling gay and feminine, having my friend toy with my penis, I was floating on a pink cloud of sexual bliss. It had been so long; I had masturbated so many times thinking about the first two times we had done this and never knowing if it might happen again that I was content to live in the moment and let Ronnie continue to play with my incredibly erect hard penis. His other hand slid down from my waist and began caressing my pantie clad bottom. I loved being played with in this manner, I loved being the center of someone's sexual attention. My knees were getting weak from the sensation and my mind was getting foggy.

Quite naturally I slid onto his lap with my arms around his neck.

Looking intently into each other's eyes Ronnie told me:

"You were right." I knew what he meant.

"That I'm a fag?" I replied.

"Yup," Ronnie stated in his "matter of fact" manner. "But you're kinda hot!"

With that the dam burst and a hungry kiss renewed the passion we had previously known together. As we kissed like long separated illicit lovers (which we were) Ronnie played with my hard nipples through the silky chemise. He kinda toyed a little with my wig, inspecting it when I whispered in as feminine sounding voice as possible "see, this is not gay, I'm a girl."

"No, it's not gay," Ronnie said rhetorically in a fake deep voice and we chuckled.

It was so gay. We both knew that. We didn't care at this point; we were both so aroused. Getting off his lap I pulled him up, we stood together my arms around his neck like I was a sexy vamp. He kissed the side of my face, tongued my ear and kissed the nape of my neck as I pawed at his hard cock through his pants. When his big hand slid inside my cute blue panties and grabbed a handful of ass, I almost lost it. Thrusting his tongue down my throat, his middle finger found its way between my butt cheeks fingering my tight hole as he toyed with my ass. I could've ridden his finger as long as he wanted to poke me with it. He still had beer on his breath and I'm thinking he was a little looser about things than normal as he seemed aroused and manly towards me. I began to unbutton his shirt seductively and it slid off as I then went for the prize and began unfastening his belt. As I pulled down the zipper and reached in for his cock Ronnie had reached both his hands under my silky blue floral chemise and pressed each thumb hard against my nipples and began playing with my "titties." Barely able to free his cock before he forced his mouth on mine, his sexual desire was lit up. Breaking the kiss, he watched as I mashed our two hard penises together producing an unimaginable level of arousal, frotting hard tacky cock on hard tacky cock. Maybe because he had been drinking but it seemed he was much more into our love play than less than an hour earlier when the atmosphere was tense and I was doubting if we were even going have sex.

Sliding down to my knees, pulling his pants down, I mashed my face against his hard, hairy cock, the scent of penis drenching my senses. My homosexual obsession took over as I greedily began sucking Ronnie's cock again, knowing this was an opportunity not to be missed. All married closet homosexuals know this, that these opportunities are often few and far between so the fervor and hunger to suck cock drives you to a frenzied level of attentiveness to the cock in your mouth. It tasted so fucking good; I had missed sucking his cock. While I had masturbated many times thinking about his cock from the last time that I was able to till now, this was many times better than thinking about it and "wanking". In a fog I voraciously sucked Ronnie's cock till he pulled me up and snapped me out of my cock infused daze.

"Come here, you," he told me as we kissed again then he pulled his pants up and led me to his bedroom.

There was lamp on next to his bed cast a warm glow as he climbed naked into bed with me. I had shed the chemise and the wig (the lipstick long since kissed away or slobbered on to Ronnie's cock). His big hand toyed with my rock-hard cock in the sexy panties as we kissed and moaned, I still had the high heels on, I felt so sexy and slutty. It surprised me when he flipped me around and we ended up in a horny sixty-nine. His mouth bathed my cock and balls with his warm wet mouth as this drove me to feverishly resuming sucking his cock. This reciprocal mouth on cock, cock in mouth went on for many long wonderful minutes till we ended up back in each other's arms kissing like rabid dogs and pulling on each other's cocks. Ronnie humped his cock into my hand as I jacked him off.

Ronnie let out an exasperated moan as he finally came, squirting cum all over his belly and my hand. With the high heels flat on the bed and my knees up and legs spread like the naughty slut I really was, Ronnie returned the favor as his hand caressed my hard cock. It felt so good to get a hand job, a man's hand on your cock never fails to please. Moaning and writhing, telling Ronnie "don't stop" I started fingering my tight hole with some of his cum as he masturbated me. Ronnie kissed the side of my face and told me "this is so hot" when finally, after a long while I ejaculated too, cumming and moaning and sated. We were both coated in cum on our bellies as Ronnie turned out the lamp and we snuggled under the covers.

In the morning as the sun was barely coming up Ronnie got up to us the bathroom. When he got back into bed, he was all over me; pawing my cock kissing my neck and face placing my hand on his cock. It was then I came to the realization that for all my homosexual longings, all my gay encounters I had never spent the night with another guy. Never. Always just sex and go. This was special, this was heaven. That Ronnie was so eager and horny for me, that surprised me too. Really it had been me that always seemed to lead him on, the one that had seduced him. Now he was taking the lead, his manly urges taking over. Here I was in his bed naked, no panties no lingerie, just a naked guy with my male friend being frisky towards me. It still made me feel feminine and faggy. I fucking loved it when a guy wanted my body. He was really agitated and horny.

Ronnie got up on all fours and pressed his nice hard cock into my face.

Licking, kissing and sniffing his cock it found its way into my mouth as I ravishingly suckled his manhood. I sucked his glorious hard cock for the longest time till he slid back into me, kissing and tonguing me, just really possessed with lust towards me as we writhed around naked together. Really quite unexpected to be honest that he was so aroused and all over me, cock on cock humping and agitated with horniness and kissing me. Despite the fact Ronnie had issues with the stigma that he didn't want to be gay, he was still a guy, guys are always horny and having a naked friend in bed with him made sure his sexual urges and libido pretty much quashed any trepidation about us having sex.

Shuddering in desire, I rolled over on my side as Ronnie's front was to my back and he humped his cock along my ass. He was kissing the back of my neck and tonguing my ear as I felt his hard cock against my butt. Grasping his cock, I spread my legs and poked it at my tight hole. I put some spit on my hand and rubbed it on my hole as he began to hump up into me. Still could not believe how into sex he was as his cock slid into my ass and he started butt fucking me from behind like I was a girl. It was so fucking hot getting fucked by Ronnie, I know if he really was my boyfriend, he'd be fucking me all the time.

"Fuck!," he exasperated as he humped his cock up my butt.

"Yes," I gasped back. I fucking loved it. I did. So rare anymore to have the opportunity to take cock.

In passionate, determined humping Ronnie thrust his cock up into me as we kissed and moaned. All the fantasizing and masturbating about this did not even come close to the reality of getting fucked; I always was a bottom boy, this ran deep inside in my sexual being. This was so gay.

Sleeping with another guy now in his bed with him screwing me in the morning. I fucking loved it. I always have loved sex of any kind, women are beautiful and sexy, but gay sex is always the hottest, horniest, most exciting sex there is. Gay sex always makes me so hard. And with Ronnie humping his hard cock up my tight ass, my cock was throbbing as his cock fucked my ass. It was dirty, nasty, naughty obscene guy on guy sex.

Ronnie reached around from behind and grasped my cock as he humped my butt. With his hand jacking my cock and him fucking me I was delirious with arousal, moaning and whining as his nice cock was pushing me over the edge. When I started cumming in his hand and he heard my orgasmic moans he really started pounding my ass and finally came inside me as he tongued and bit my ear. He held me tight as the sun was now up but we snuggled, pulled the covers over us as we fell back asleep. Just before we did fall back asleep, I whispered:

"I hope you find a wife who is as good a fuck as me," to which he pinched my ass hard and held me tight.

I really must have really dozed off as when I did awaken the sun was shining bright. Ronnie was not in bed and I could smell bacon and coffee. There was robe on the back of a chair by the bed. I put it on and found my socks and put them on, I thought it might be a little too gay to show off my pink toes at this point. Sauntering into the kitchen in the robe, Ronnie was in a robe also and greeted me cheerfully:

"....'morning, sunshine. Coffee?"

He rummaged around for a cup and poured me some coffee. Thanking him I watched as he was cooking breakfast. From behind I reached both arms around his waist, hugging him, laying my head on his shoulder. It was a pretty gay thing to do, and Ronnie jokingly told me to "stop it." We ate breakfast then ended up on the couch with more coffee, me on one end and Ronnie on the other. We sat there talking in our robes and our conversation evolved into a deep discussion not unlike the one we had long ago in his apartment when I first exposed my hard penis to Ronnie and subconsciously tried to seduce him. We talked quite a while on the lazy, sunny Sunday morning. I was a bit more open than he was about certain matters and asked him what he thought about that one morning when I exposed my hard cock to him. He told me he really did not know what to think about it other than it was very arousing and that it made him hard at the time, which I was not aware of.

"Like this," Ronnie smiled as he opened his robe flashing his now hard cock that our conversation on the matter seemed to arouse. "Gotta pee with all this coffee. Might take a while though to get my fella to calm down," he joked as he got up to pee.

As he walked by me on the couch, I grabbed the corner of his robe to stop him inadvertently opening his robe exposing his hard cock. Reaching my face in I took his cock in my mouth lathering it wet till he told me teasingly "stop! Stop it!. I have to pee."

When he returned to his spot on the couch I got up and said "my turn," as I went to the bathroom to pee as well. It took a bit to get the erection I also had to subside enough so I could pee. Sitting there peeing, I felt my arousal revive as I was finishing. Knowing my opportunities were few and far between and I knew Susie would not be home till early evening. My conniving sense of sexual possibilities lead my thoughts to wanting sex with Ronnie again, especially right after us talking about the first time I exposed my cock to him. With my appetite for my sexual kink being fem for a guy I knew this was an opportunity to take advantage of or regret not doing so as I shed the robe and pulled off my socks. My pink toes made me feel feminine and horny as I went to the bedroom where my high heels, panties and wig were, discarded during the night. My bag was still in the bathroom when I went back in for a quick transformation.

Putting on the wig and applying a bit of lipstick I then pulled on the panties and high heels. It was exhilarating to be like this and I put the robe back on and went back to the living room where Ronnie was back on the couch. Sashaying like a showgirl I walked back and forth in front of Ronnie before opening my robe flashing him my panties, then teasingly closing it again.

Wide eyed, Ronnie watched as I performed my routine a couple more times, sashaying and flashing him. Stopping in front of him standing between his legs as he sat on the couch his robe had come open and I could see his cock, not fully erect but thickening. As I stood there, in my mind I was hoping he would make the move. He did. Ronnie reached out and opened my robe as I then held it open at my hips. Seems as if the moment his hand touched my penis in the panties it was already hard as stone.

Ronnie fondled my penis as it sprung over the top of my aqua blue panties. He had to be enjoying playing with my cock as his own cock was hard and he was pulling on it too. Like a vixen shedding her mink coat, I slid the robe off my shoulders as it fell to a pile on the floor. I stood there dolled up in my wig and lipstick in the high heels and panties as Ronnie continued playing with my cock. Needless to say, it was more than a little gay being like that for him. And needless to say, I was very, very hard as he toyed with my cock as I presented myself for him like that. When Ronnie lurched forward and took my cock in his mouth I should not have been surprised. It's not like I purposely was trying to temp him, but being able to act out my closet homosexuality with him made it sweet as honey. It might be months or longer to have the opportunity to be like this with another guy.

Ronnie's mouth felt heavenly on my cock. Despite the trepidation I knew Ronnie had mentioned before about us having gay sex, he still was into it as evidenced by the way he was sucking my cock. Sex is sex. Once you've gotten past the forbidden/taboo/this is wrong feelings it's fucking amazing having sex with another person. It might even be more exciting because of the taboo connotations. It sure was for me. He was sucking my cock grabbing a handful of ass in each hand, there was no mistaking that he was into it. When Ronnie momentarily pulled his mouth off my cock, I slid side saddle onto his lap, my arms around his neck. In an instant we were kissing hungrily and moaning in desire. I wiggled my pink toes playfully as he played with my hard nipples. My lipstick had mostly been kissed off but the seductive taste lingered. Sliding off Ronnie's lap between his legs I took his cock into my mouth. Again, it's pretty gay to be in a wig, high heels and panties sucking your friend's cock. It was also fucking exciting as hell. My obsessive closet homosexuality was going full throttle. Just then, the phone rang. I took Ronnie's cock out of my mouth as we listened to it ring. We were both stationary as it rang and I could tell he was just going to let it ring as I held his hard cock close to my face. He had one of those 'landlines' that was connected to an answering machine and if you didn't answer, it would record a message that you could hear as the person leaves their message:

"Hi Ronnie! This is Kelly. Wondering if you want to do something sometime. Call me when you can. Bye."

After Kelly finished her message Ronnie's cock was right back in my mouth. Hope she sucks cock as good as I do, I wanted to tell him.

Ronnie had both hands holding my head down as I throated and gagged on his cock. This was so nasty with his hard hairy cock in my mouth, kneeling on the floor between his legs. It was obscene. Ronnie naked sitting on the couch with his robe open and his erect cock in my mouth and I was in skimpy aqua blue panties, high heels and a wig. Any lipstick had long since been slobbered onto his cock. For all the trepidation Ronnie had processing his homosexual involvement with me I knew he had to enjoy it too as I most certainly heard him gasp "Oh. Fuck. Yes." Gagging a bit as Ronnie unknowingly was being somewhat too forceful, I was able to pull off bleary eyed gasping for breath, spit and saliva dripping off my chin. Using this pause I wiped my face on his robe and climbed on top of him possessed by the ache in my penis.

Forcing my mouth on his, we kissed madly before I collapsed next to him on the couch. Sitting there together, we jacked on our cocks in an erection fueled daze, both of us breathing heavily. As we jacked off, we would take turns reaching over pulling on each other's cocks. This went on for a while; jacking off then the luscious feeling of the other person's hand playing with your cock. When Ronnie started to moan and began ejaculating over himself, I watched in amazement as I was fiercely masturbating myself. Seeing Ronnie cum, I knew I was close and reached my face down to his still erect cock tasting his cock and cum. My own climax was soon to follow with the scent of his cock and cum on my face I knelt over him in frenzied masturbation soon ejaculating warm squirts of cum all over my friend's tummy and cum sticky penis.

In a mixture of both post orgasmic bliss and awkward acknowledgement of what we had just done together, Ronnie asked if we should shower. It was awkward too the two of us in his old tub and shower but for me it was also a thrill showering with my male friend. My acknowledgement to myself of my degree of homosexuality was much greater than Ronnie's so showering with him, soaping his penis as he soaped mine was quite natural and thrilling, even with our now flaccid penises. The way my toes were pink showing there in the shower, very much accentuated my gayness.

Experiencing an unanticipated and unplanned evening of sex and then sex twice the following day with Ronnie was in a way a milestone for me.

Sleeping with him then early morning sex and sex again after breakfast confirmed that my sexuality was anything but straight. Inside of me it was a balancing act; maintain what was still a wonderful marriage to a wonderful woman and acknowledge to myself that I am more homosexual than not. Choosing the path of not rocking the boat I continued to only fantasize about gay sex during masturbation or sex with Susie and not seek out a male partner though the lure of doing that crossed my mind many times.

As for Ronnie I figured it was best to leave him alone knowing he would probably be deeply involved with another girl and that while I know he enjoyed having sex with me, it was not something he could ever come to grips with. More than likely our homosexual encounters would be something he would try compartmentalize and file as far back in his mind as he could. And I was right. Kelly and Ronnie were dating and dating serious with Ronnie spending much of his free time with her and over at her place. What was not surprising as well was it was only about four or five months since I had heard from him yet they were going to move out of state together. He invited me over, he wanted me to meet Kelly and Kelly wanted to meet me before they moved to Missouri. She had heard a lot about me but I am certain it was nothing to do with the secret I shared with Ronnie. He and I had played music together a great deal before I met Susie and he always told me that I was the one who helped him break out of his shell and be a better musician. Susie and I were invited over but she declined as she was pretty shy and was happy to be a homebody.

Kelly and Ronnie were partying a bit when I got there and Kelly seemed like one of those mildly manipulative girls. Ronnie and I were in the living room playing music with me on a chair facing the couch and Ronnie and Kelly on the couch. She was enjoying it at first but I think she gets bored easily, especially if the activity is one where she is not the center of attention. After a while she got up when we were playing music, maybe to get another beer and look around. She must have been in Ronnie's art studio because Ronnie got this look on his face and was trying to wave her off.

"This is you, isn't it?" she said as she walked in with the nude painting of me. "Ronnie, this is really good."

Our playing music came to a halt as I put my guitar away. Ronnie got up and put the painting back in the sheaves of paintings. We sat on the couch with Kelly in the middle and Ronnie and Kelly smoked a joint and did some shots, they were getting pretty lit. Kelly was a redhead spark plug and kind of ornery. As we sat there, she started teasing a bit, asking questions about the nude painting of me.

"So, Ronnie's seen you naked. What about you?" Kelly looked right at me. "Have you seen him naked?" Kelly teased. "I bet you have!"

"Kelly!" Ronnie exclaimed.

"Well?" Has he?" Kelly asked, not leaving it alone.

"Kelly!" Ronnie said again.

"Well, have you?" Kelly said looking me straight in the eyes.

"No-oooh," I said, perhaps a bit too emphatically, trying to keep a straight face, trying not to let on one way or another.

"Liar! I bet you have," she smirked at me. "Guys never admit it but they like to play with each other when girls are not around."

"Kelly, come on," Ronnie pleaded unconvincingly.

"I was at a bar with my boyfriend once and this guy kept hitting on me.

Even with my boyfriend right there he wouldn't leave it alone. We were both amused that he kept hitting on me. Finally, I told him he could fuck me if he sucked Jimmy's cock first. He said 'OK let's go,'. Jimmy just smiled and said "I'm game,". Guess when you been drinking, you'll do anything. He followed us to my place and sure enough, he sucked on Jimmy's cock and then they took turns fucking me. I admit it was kinda hot. We all slept together. In morning I put their hands on each other's cock to see what would happen. I told them it was okay and pushed their cocks together. Guys always want to see two girls together, so it was kind of hot seeing them play with each other," she said, looking in turn at each of us. "I bet you guys would if I asked you."

"I'm game," I said with a straight face.

"Ronnie?" Kelly asked.

"Kelly no, stop! Come on," Ronnie blurted out.

"You're no fun," Kelly told him. I then whispered something in her ear.

"You're so bad!" Kelly squealed quite loudly as she slapped my leg.

"Okay. Do it, then you can," she urged.

Leaning over to Ronnie, she whispered something in his ear. By this time, she was rubbing at his crotch through his jeans. Kelly pushed me to the floor in front of Ronnie who again let out a feeble "Kelly!". In front of Ronnie I had a hand on each of his knees as Kelly started unfastening his jeans. I reached up to assist as she began unbuttoning his shirt. Giving in to the situation Ronnie pawed at her titties through her top as I had freed his cock and was playing with it making it hard. Stopping for a moment I peeled off my shirt and continued playing with Ronnie's cock, Kelly was stroking him too.

"Do it. I want to see, " Kelly commanded, looking straight me. "Do it."

I pulled Ronnie's jeans down, took off his shoes and finished taking off his pants. Kelly was kissing Ronnie and playing with his cock as he sat on the couch naked. With my shirt already off, the exhibitionist in me told me to take off my jeans and shoes too, which I proceeded to do.

Kelly looked at me and peeled off her top and unsnapped her bra. Her breasts were milky white freckled feminine beauties. She kept her jeans on and stared at me as I stood there naked with a fully erect penis. She lightly pulled her hand across my penis and muttered "Wow!" Needless to say, that made my cock harder than ever.

"Okay, let's see," Kelly said tugging me down to the floor in front of Ronnie.

Tentatively, yet so turned on by what was happening, I pulled on Ronnie's cock, looked back at Kelly who nodded slightly with a wry smile, then instinctively in one motion sank my mouth over his cock. I was so hard doing this in front of a girl. Kelly stared in disbelief as I hungrily bobbed up and down on Ronnie's cock, slurping and sucking noises breaking the quiet. Just the confident way I took his cock in my mouth, the way I started sucking his cock without hesitation or any fear, the way I started sucking his cock like I had done it before had to confirm Kelly's suspicions.

"Does your wife know? She doesn't know what she's missing, this is so hot," Kelly remarked as I continued sucking Ronnie's cock, shaking my head back and forth trying best to reply that no, my wife does not know I suck cock.

No, my wife had no inkling how much I loved sucking cock or that I was such a flaming closet homosexual. The fact that I was sucking Ronnie's cock in front of his girlfriend made it all the more exciting. By now Ronnie had given up any pretense of resistance and was kissing Kelly and playing with her soft naked titties as I continued pleasuring him with my mouth. As they broke their kiss sitting on the couch, I was still on the floor in front of Ronnie sucking his cock, stroking my own. I couldn't hide my enthusiasm for what I was doing and was bobbing and slurping on his cock, just enjoying the moment. Even going so far as throating his cock all the way down and only gagging a little had to be somewhat of a giveaway.

"You've done this before, I can tell," Kelly exclaimed. "I know you have. Ronnie, you have too, haven't you?" she went on. "I want to see."

Ronnie let out a feeble "Kelly."

"No. It's your turn. I want to see," she insisted as she pulled me up by the elbow.

As I stood in front of them, my cock was so fucking hard sticking straight out. Kelly lifted Ronnie's hand to my cock. A big drop of precum glistened on the tip of my penis but it was soon smeared on his hand as he fondled my cock in front of Kelly.

"Come on, Hun. I want to see. It's your turn," Kelly insisted as she pushed Ronnie forward from his shoulder.

Slowly Ronnie took my cock in his mouth and tentatively began sucking my cock. Truth being that I was much gayer than him, more demonstrative and loved expressing my sexuality in this, Ronnie sucking my cock at the urging of his girlfriend was pretty damn hot. Kelly was beaming as she sat on the edge of the couch observing the proceedings. We looked intently at each other as I took the liberty to reach down and fondle her titties as Ronnie seemed dazed by the whole affair. Can't even begin to say how turned I was feeling her beautiful little titties with Ronnie's mouth over my cock. It was one of those moments that make you do a double take in your head; it was just so erotic. With both of them sitting on the couch as I stood in front of Ronnie, Kelly was wide eyed sitting stroking his cock as he sucked mine. Still, Ronnie sucked my cock in a very perfunctory manner, like he was only doing it because Kelly willed it, not because sucking cock was a pleasure like it was with me. If Kelly wasn't watching and pushing this to happen, perhaps he would not have been as self-conscious and been more enthusiastic about sucking my cock; he was the times when we were alone together. I'm thinking Ronnie always enjoyed me sucking his cock more than him sucking me. Regardless it was still very hot having him suck my cock in front of Kelly.

When Kelly stood up, she looked fucking hot. Blazing red hair, milky white perfect little breasts with a sprinkling of freckles. Faded blue jeans. She wasn't wearing a belt and the jeans were unsnapped and halfway unzipped, her white flowered cotton panties showing a little.

Chicks topless in jeans were always one of my biggest turn ons. She was having fun with what was going on. Ronnie backed off my cock as she stood up and she pulled him up. All three of us were standing. My cock was hard and wet from Ronnie's saliva. His cock was hard too, it was just such a kinky, erotic scene when Kelly took my hand and put it on Ronnie's cock and his on mine. A few tugs and I'm sure I would have cum in his hand. She pushed us towards each other at the shoulders, I knew what she wanted to see; Ronnie was hesitant.

"Come on, I want to see, just let me see," Kelly implored as she pushed us gently together. "Come on."

With Kelly watching and Ronnie and I holding each other's cocks I would have done anything she asked as she let out a sweet pleading "please, for me." Ronnie relented his hesitation and we did it, we kissed each other.

It wasn't a particularly passionate kiss, but I thought it was hot, as did my dick, and I enjoyed it very much. Our making out in front of her did not last very long and when it broke and we looked at her she pulled us down on either side of us on the couch. She rubbed our cocks in either hand; needless to say, I was very aroused, taking the liberty to play with her naked titties again. I got up on my knees, my cock was at her chest and face level; Ronnie did likewise. I was hoping she'd put it in her mouth but as I inched it close to her face she turned towards Ronnie's cock, put my hand on his cock. It was a very erotic scene as I pulled on Ronnie's cock and she put his hand on mine as we hovered over her. Kelly was certainly turned on as she undid her jeans a bit more and was rubbing herself through her panties. I was so aroused with Ronnie and I pulling on each other's cocks kneeling over her I could not help but reach down and fondle her titties as she continued to masturbate herself through her panties. With her free hand she would reach up and play with our balls hanging over her. Quite unable to control myself I just had to hump my hard cock over Kelly's soft little milky white breasts, she's the one who started all this. When I had whispered something in her ear and she squealed and slapped my leg this is what I told her I wanted to do, to titty fuck her.

As my cock grazed against her titty closest to me Kelly pressed her hand on my penis, pressing it into her titty. Ronnie had maneuvered his cock to her face as she relented and took his cock into her mouth. Her soft titty felt so good on my cock but when she took her mouth off of Ronnie's cock I pulled mine up pointing it in here face. Kelly took it in her mouth for a few frantic sucks but I could tell she was afraid that I would cum in her mouth. Kelly threw her head back on the couch and continued masturbating herself through her panties with one hand and rubbing her titties with the other. Ronnie and I pulled on each other's cocks for a few horny tugs before masturbating our own cocks over the sight of Kelly getting herself off. Jacking fiercely on my cock Kelly sensed I was close and took my cock in her hand, not to assist me getting off but to prevent me from giving her a facial. As my ejaculation began she pulled my hand and cock near her titties as I began to squirt cum on them. She held my spent cum covered cock as she frantically masturbated herself, closing her eyes and starting to tremble. Her sweet little titties were messy with my cum as she came and Ronnie was jacking off madly over her as well. In the moments after she had masturbated herself to climax Ronnie began to cum as Kelly put her hand on his cock directing his discharge onto her titties and away from her face. Playfully, after we had both ejaculated cum all over her chest, Kelly took a cock in each hand and played with them amusedly.

"Ronnie, get a towel. I'm a mess," Kelly told him. And she was.

Our little sexual escapade was just that. I would have loved to have done more physically with Kelly or even sucked Ronnie off in front of her but she was in charge and Ronnie was hesitant to let loose. After Ronnie moved away it was quite a while until I had another homosexual encounter, not quite a year, but close. For a lot of reasons, I did not want to pursue anonymous encounters with strangers. I did post an ad giving info on what I was looking for and the nature of my sexual desires, basically looking for another married man who was like me so we could cavort our gay inclinations. By posting a few "glamour pics" of me in drag it was amazing how many men were interested in me. Lots. Make that lots and lots of guys, married guys, they wanted a femme, faggy boyfriend on the side. Guess I was kinda lucky and hooked up with Steve. We could not get together very often, maybe twice, three times a year for the most part, but it was fucking wonderful being femme for a guy, being his little faggy sex toy. I loved having a boyfriend, having the same guy who knew me, appreciated me, wanted me, wanted me to be femme and faggy for him, service his cock and fulfill his needs in ways his wife couldn't. Like the way I could suck Steve's cock after traipsing around in a dress, high heels and panties (wig and makeup too) for him. Or take his cock up my tight ass pussy. He was cool and funny too, great sense of humor and he'd buy me things too; dresses, lingerie. He was a great kisser too. A few times it would just be for a 'quickie', I'd meet him at his place he'd be totally naked when he'd let me in and I'd swoon over his hairy manly body and suck him off as he sat in a big armchair. I'd still be in dressed guy mode, happy to service my boyfriend. But the best times always were when I could be his "girl". We'd watch gay porn together. He really loved to fuck me. You know I loved it too.

Thinking it might have been about three or four years since Ronnie and Kelly moved away. I happened to see a friend request on Facebook. It was Ronnie. Of course, I accepted. When I went to his page, I could not believe what I saw. There were pictures of Ronnie holding hands and hugging another guy. Browsing deeper on his page there were all kinds of pictures of Ronnie and a much younger boyish looking guy named Kevin. They were married! I had lost track of Ronnie and certainly never in my wildest dreams would have ever imagined this. Not Ronnie. I was the one that was really gay, albeit still closeted and married to a wonderful wife. While we had a few good sexual encounters together, he seemed to always fight it, fight the fact that gay sex felt so good. Ronnie always held onto his quest of a solid relationship with the perfect woman.

When I was able find Ronnie on FB chat, needless to say I had a few questions:

"Ronnie? is that really you," I asked. "You might have some explaining to do."

"Hi Bobby! So good to hear from you! Yeah, guessing not what you expected."

"Do you want to fill me in?" I asked.

"Probably not a surprise that things didn't work out with Kelly. I have a knack for picking a winner, don't I? It was good for a while then the nag from hell showed up. I kept a low profile and tried not to let it bother me. Kelly's best friend, Bethany, her little brother was always very friendly to me. Won't go into detail but when he came on to me and we ended up in bed together it was the most exciting thing that ever happened."

"Oh really?" I teased trying to infer our first time together was pretty exciting.

"Kevin was very cool, very expressive, being with him made me feel alive again. We hid it for the longest time and it just kept getting better and better. It felt good to be desired and not being put down all the time.

I know this will sound strange but he seemed more feminine than a girl and treated me like a king. Bethany found out and the shit hit the fan with Kelly. She did not take it too well. I said 'what the fuck' and Kevin and I moved in together. After about six months I could not believe how good things were going. I remembered what you told me about you and Susie, that if things are going good in a relationship wait 2 years before deciding if that's the one and if you feel the same way, the same love after two years, then go ahead and seek commitment. So here I am."

"I'm flabbergasted. Very happy for you also," I replied still in disbelief.

"You have a part in this too Bobby. You showed me the way that it was okay even though I fought it. Things with Kevin were wonderful because of our times together. Something clicked in me that told me it was okay to be like this, to be gay in my own way. Now I don't care about the stigma. Just live in the moment."

"Wow!" I responded as we signed off.

Ronnie joked about me coming to visit him, while of course I would have loved to, not sure it was a good idea. Not sure it would have been a good idea to tell Susie either that he was gay and married to a guy with her knowing Ronnie and I had spent time together. My mind was racing and I was hard thinking about all the times I was intimate with Ronnie, thinking about how I loved being nude for him and the time I let him see my hard cock when I subconsciously tried to seduce him all those years ago. As I lay naked on my bed stroking my cock, all that had transpired between us was a pleasant memory that still fueled some very powerful masturbations. Fiercely I jacked off again with the memory of when I first exposed myself to Ronnie. I came in stunning fashion thinking about all the times I had sex with him. As I came I especially remembered when I stood naked as he pulled on my cock as we gazed at the newly finished painting and the time flashing him in the robe wearing panties and high heels. My subconscious seduction of Ronnie all those years ago took us both down a path we could not have envisioned at the time.

-------- Author contact if you like/dislike the story: jakladd@hotmail.com