Okay, I know I've been away for awhile. But I've had my reasons. Anyway, I'm back now and chapter 9 is here! Thanks to Danni for getting my ass in gear! I'll stop babbling and let you read now.
Disclaimer: I made it all up (but I wish I didn't).
Chapter 9
JC was scared. A million thoughts were racing through his head. He had no clue what had happened to Justin or why his room looked like a tornado had ripped through it. It was one of those situations that you couldn't be prepared for because it wasn't something you'd ever imagine would happen.
Justin had finally stopped sobbing, but he still wasn't moving at all. JC's leg was falling asleep because Justin was basically sitting in his lap. It wasn't the best situation as Justin was a lot bigger than JC. He had his arms wrapped around JC's neck and his face was buried in his shoulder. Every so often he'd let out a sniffle.
"Just?" JC whispered.
The only response he got was Justin loosening his grip around JC's neck and letting his hands drop softly to his back. JC shivered as he felt goosebumps all over his body.
"Are you okay?" JC asked.
Justin took a deep breath and eased himself off of JC's lap. He sat beside him on the bed and looked at the floor. JC bit his lip and took Justin's hand. He didn't know if it was the right thing to do, but Justin looked so lost and sad.
JC relaxed when Justin's hand tightened around his.
"Are you gonna talk to me?" JC asked.
"I don't know," Justin whispered.
"Do you need some time? You don't have to talk until you're ready," JC said.
"I'm cold," Justin said, still barely audible.
JC was suddenly very aware of the fact that Justin was only in his underwear. He quickly gave him a once over before mentally scolding himself for checking Justin out at a time like that. Then he got up and pulled the blanket off the bed they weren't sitting on. He draped it around Justin's shoulders and pulled it tight around the front. Then he sat back down beside Justin.
"I'm sorry," Justin said, finally looking up at JC. His eyes were all red and puffy and he still had a few tears trickling down his cheeks.
JC cupped Justin's face in his hands and wiped the tears away with his thumbs. Justin's lower lip was trembling and it made him look like a little boy.
"For what, Justin? You have nothing to be sorry about," JC said.
"How can you say that?" Justin asked, "I ruined our friendship!"
JC pulled Justin toward him and wrapped his arms around him.
"Nothing's ruined. I promise," JC said.
"I've been so scared," Justin whispered between sniffles.
"Of what?" JC asked.
"That you'd hate me. That I'd lose my best friend," Justin said pulling away from JC and looking at the floor. "Josh, nothing else matters anymore. We've been through so much together and I'm closer to you than even my family. If you hated me I'd die."
JC looked at Justin, astonished at the emotion in his voice. JC never knew, never even suspected that he was so important to Justin. And he felt like it was his fault that Justin had become this broken, scared, lost little boy.
JC slipped Justin's cold, shaking hand into his own.
"I swear to God, Justin, nothing will ever come between us. Nothing," JC said.
"Josh, I kissed you!" Justin said, his watery blue eyes looking up to meet JC's.
"So? I kissed you back," JC said.
Justin's face turned red as his gaze travelled down to JC's lips, which had felt so good on his own.
"Yeah. You did."
JC didn't know what to do. Should he forget about the whole thing, or try and talk to Justin about it?
"Just?"
"Yeah?"
"We don't have to talk about it. Ever. If you don't want to. I mean you don't have to tell me," JC said.
"Can we forget about it? I don't know why I did it. It was stupid. I just want everything to go back to normal. I hate not talking to you. I hate feeling uncomfortable around you. When we're fighting I can't be happy about anything," Justin replied.
JC pulled Justin into a tight hug.
"Consider it forgotten. Just don't ever think that I'm going to hate you, okay? You know I won't, no matter what you do. It isn't possible."
JC kissed Justin on the forehead and then tucked him into bed. He knew Justin would ask him to stay and when he did, JC quickly pulled off his clothes and slid in beside him, happy to be with Justin, but more confused than ever.
The next day on the bus was pleasant. Everyone was getting along and things seemed normal. Justin was happy, even though he still felt a bit weird around JC. He knew that JC said they could forget about the kiss, but Justin couldn't help wondering if that was easier said than done. How could JC not be wondering what had gotten into Justin that night?
Justin decided not to let it bother him. Or at least to try not to. If things with JC were going to get back to normal, Justin knew that he would have to stop being scared.
"Justin!" Chris yelled from the back of the bus, "Come back here, Lance sucks at every single Playstation game we have and I'm getting bored of winning so easily!"
Justin laughed and then got up, smiling at JC, who was sitting by the window and reading a book.
"Then you'd be better be prepared to lose, Kirkpatrick!" Justin yelled on his way to the back of the bus.
JC let out a chuckle and watched Justin as he walked away. He was glad they were talking, but things were weird. Justin said he wanted to forget about the kiss and pretend it never happened. But JC was still curious. The whole situation made no sense. He wasn't going to push Justin into talking if he didn't want to, he just wished he knew what was going on.
On top of all this, JC didn't feel like things were back to normal. Sure he and Justin were talking again, but Justin was acting strange. Ever since they'd gotten up that morning Justin had been really nice to him. But not just normal nice. It was almost as if he was flirting with JC. And touching him a lot. Obviously it didn't bother JC, but confused him. It didn't make sense.
"Fuck!" Chris yelled from the back of the bus.
JC put his book down and went to see what was going on.
"I think you broke it," Justin said to Chris as JC approached.
"I didn't break it, it was doing just fine until you started playing!"
JC laughed when he saw that the TV screen was frozen. Chris' life was playing video games and JC knew it would really piss him off if his precious Playstation was broken.
"Maybe if you didn't play it twenty four hours a day it would be alright," JC said.
Everyone jumped back as the screen went blank and sparks shot out of the Playstation.
"Dammit!" Chris yelled.
JC and Justin laughed. Joey poked his head out of his bunk where he had been sleeping.
"Shut the fuck up you idiots, some people are trying to sleep!" he said.
"Joey, all you ever do is sleep," Chris said, "and we're kind of having a crisis here!"
"I'm sleeping too," came Lance's muffled voice from another bunk, "so at least shut up for me."
JC and Justin walked back up to the front of the bus while Chris sat beside the broken Playstation, petting it.
"My poor baby, it's okay, we'll get you to a doctor," he said.
"Um, I think Chris might have a problem," Justin said.
"But we already knew that," JC replied.
JC sat down and picked up his book again. Justin sat beside him, gazing at his face.
"JC?" he said.
JC put his book on his lap and turned to Justin.
"Thank you again. For last night," Justin said.
"Justin, it's not a big deal. Forget about it."
"How did you know to come when you did?"
"You phoned me."
"You knew it was me?"
"I could hear your breathing. So I decided to come over and talk to you and when I got into the hall I could hear noises from your room and you left the door open so I went in."
"Oh. I'm glad you did."
"Me too," JC said with a smile. He picked up his book and went back to reading it.
Justin sat quietly for awhile, staring at JC. Then he lifted his finger and traced it along JC's arm. JC put the book down again and looked at Justin with his eyebrows raised.
"Sorry," Justin said, "I'll stop."
JC picked up the book again, but couldn't concentrate. He could feel Justin's eyes on him, and it was extremely disconcerting.
"JUSTIN!" he yelled, throwing the book on the floor.
Justin jumped.
"What?" he asked.
"Stop staring at me!"
"Sorry. I'm just bored," Justin said, blushing.
"Then find something to do!" JC said, exasperated.
Justin got up and picked JC's book off the floor.
"I'll just listen to music or something," he said, handing it to JC.
JC tried to find his page while Justin sat down across from him and put his headphones on. JC began to read again, but couldn't help glancing up to look at Justin. When he did, he found that Justin was gazing at him in the same way as before. Justin tried to look away quickly, but knew he had been caught.
JC sighed and put his book down again. Then he motioned for Justin to take off his headphones, which he did, sheepishly.
"Do I have someting hanging out of my nose?" JC asked.
"No, why?" Justin said.
"Because you're still staring at me!"
Justin looked down at the floor and scuffled his feet a bit.
"You just look good today," he said.
JC's eyes went wide. Justin looked up at JC's astonished face and smiled.
"Don't look so surprised Josh, you know you're good looking," he said.
"Um, thanks Justin," JC said, knowing he sounded dumb, but unsure of what else there was to say.
"Hey guys," Joey said in a sleepy voice, approaching the front of the bus.
"Hey Joey!" JC said, thankful for the interruption.
Justin's face clouded over for a second and then he perked up, joking around with Joey. The rest of the bus ride was uneventful, but JC knew Justin was sneaking glances at him and it worried him. He was afraid to get his hopes up, but it was hard to brush off the look in Justin's eyes when he stared at JC. JC knew Justin and he'd been around long enough to know that there was only one word to describe that look.
Lust.
"Justin, you're nuts!" Christina said.
The two of them were in Justin's dressing room, standing in front of a mirror. Christina was staring at Justin with a look of horror on her face. Justin was looking at his reflection, his eyes surveying his appearance.
"Why? I'm an adult, I can do what I want," Justin said.
"But your curls are your trademark. When people think of Justin Timberlake, the first thing they imagine is that crazy mop of hair you have," Christina said.
"Exactly my point," Justin replied.
"But you can't just shave it off!" Christina yelled.
"Why not?"
"Because you...you just can't!" Christina said, throwing her hands up.
Justin ran a hand through his hair. He had always had curly hair. It had never occured to him to try something different. Sure he had tried to flatten it out a bit when 'N Sync first started, but that hadn't lasted long and it didn't really work anyway.
The past few days had been weird. After everything with JC, Justin had become a little bit less afraid. It had been such a relief to find out that their friendship wasn't over, that JC was able to put the kiss behind them. And it gave Justin a glimmer of hope. Maybe the kiss hadn't disgusted JC. He did kiss back after all. And if Justin confessed his feelings and JC didn't return them, maybe they'd be able to get through it.
It wasn't all that simple though. Justin knew he had to take small steps. So that's what he had been doing, pushing JC a little bit. He was flirting with JC, and touching him as much as possible. But it wasn't really working all that well. Justin thought that maybe in JC's eyes he was still the little boy that he had met on the Mickey Mouse Club. And JC would never think of Justin as sexy if he saw him as a little brother.
That was what made Justin decide to shave his head. The curls made Justin look too young, it was a kindergarten haircut. But if he shaved his head, maybe it would help JC to look at him differently, to see that he wasn't the little boy from so long ago.
The only problem was that if any of their management knew about it, they would never let him do it. So he had asked Christina to help him.
"Christina, if you don't do it I'll do it myself and who knows what I'll end up looking like," he said.
"Justin, are you sure? I mean, do you really know what you're doing?" Christina asked.
"It's just hair," he replied, "It'll grow back."
Christina sighed.
"Okay. Fine, I'll do it," she said.
Justin smiled and picked her up in a big hug.
"Thanks," he said as he put her down.
"But you tell everyone it wasn't my idea,"
Justin laughed and kissed her on the cheek.
"It's gonna look good," he said, "you'll see."
"It better," Christina said, not sounding too optimistic.
JC dumped his suitcase on the floor of his hotel room and collapsed onto his bed. He was dead tired. Touring was getting to him. Justin was getting to him.
It was getting harder and harder to ignore Justin's flirting. He was walking around with a 24 hour hard on and it was getting difficult to hide. Justin was constantly touching him and brushing up against him and making comments that drove him crazy. It seemed like lately everything out of Justin's mouth was a sexual innuendo.
"OH MY GOD!"
JC sat stright up in bed, hearing the female shrieking coming from out in the hall. He got up and opened the door.
Across the hall the door was open. JC knew it was Justin's room. Joey, Lance and Chris were standing in the doorway, blocking his view and he could hear Sara screaming, but he couldn't see her.
"What's going on?" JC asked.
Joey, Lance and Chris turned around with wide eyes.
"What?" JC asked.
"Uh, you should go in there," Lance said.
JC's eyebrows furrowed in confusion and he pushed himself into Justin's room. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Justin and let his mouth fall open.
Justin was standing in the door of the bathroom with Christina beside him, looking guilty, and Sara standing in front of them, staring up at Justin with a look on her face that was similar to JC's.
It would have been perfectly normal if Justin's hair wasn't...gone.
"Josh. I..." Justin started to say, but then stopped when he saw the look on JC's face. "You don't like it? JC? Does it look bad? Say something!"
Justin was starting to get worried. What if JC hated it? Was it a bad idea?
JC just stood where he was, a million thoughts running through his head. Of course Justin had looked good before. The curls were cute. But this...There were no words to describe it. JC suddenly realized how much Justin had grown up. He was standing there in jeans and a T-shirt and everything about him screamed sex. It was amazing how one little haircut had transformed Justin and gotten rid of every single trace of boyhood that was left on him. Suddenly his eyes were prettier and his lips were pinker and his body was...well it was making JC so hot that beads of sweat were forming all over him. There was no denying it now, Justin was definitely not a little boy.
"Josh? Does it look bad?" Justin said.
JC was finally startled out of his thoughts.
"You hate it don't you?" Justin asked, practically in tears.
"No! Justin, I don't hate it!" JC said, walking toward him.
"Don't lie," Justin said.
JC smiled and ran his hand along Justin's head. It was rough and manly and not at all like the soft curls he used to love. It wasn't a bad thing though, just different.
"Justin I love it. You look really really good," JC said.
Justin looked into JC's eyes until he was sure JC wasn't lying and then smiled back at him.
"Hey Justin," Joey said from the doorway, "You better watch out I think JC's gonna jump you."
Lance and Chris laughed, while Sara, Christina and JC looked uncomfortable.
"Maybe I want him to," Justin said with a smirk.
Everyone stopped laughing and looked at Justin, shocked.
For JC it was too much. With the way Justin had been acting for the past few days and now this new haircut...he couldn't handle it anymore.
"Come with me," JC said as he grabbed Justin's hand and dragged him out of the room. Everyone stared as JC pulled Justin into his hotel room and slammed the door shut behind them.
JC pushed Justin up against the wall and pressed their mouths together so hard that it almost hurt. Justin groaned as JC leaned into him and rotated his hips against Justin's. He could feel JC's dick straining against his fly.
JC's hands went up over Justin's chest and stroked the top of his head. Justin's hands reached around to JC's ass, pulling him closer.
Suddenly JC pushed back and looked at Justin. Then he stepped away, breathing hard and pacing around the room.
"Why did you stop?" Justin asked gasping for breath.
JC walked around for a bit before answering.
"Justin, let's just calm down for a minute," he said.
Justin stepped away from the door and collapsed on JC's bed.
"You're not gonna run away this time?" JC asked.
"Not if you're gonna kiss me like that again," Justin replied softly.
"Justin, do you know what you're doing?"
"Do you?" Justin shot back, sitting up.
"This is nuts. You're straight," JC said, still pacing back and forth.
Justin didn't know what to say. Obviously he wasn't straight. But was he gay? He didn't know what he was, so how could he explain it to JC?
"Can you just stop moving for a second, I'm getting dizzy," Justin said.
JC sat down in a chair across the room from Justin.
"JC, you don't have to sit over there, I'm not gonna do anything. Just trust me," Justin said.
"I do trust you Justin, I just don't trust myself," he said.
"I'm not a little kid anymore Josh, you don't have to protect me. I know what I'm doing."
"No you don't. You have no clue."
"Just come over here. I don't want to talk to you across the room."
JC looked at the floor for a few seconds and then walked over to the bed and sat down beside Justin.
"I'm sorry," JC said.
"For what?" Justin asked.
"For practically raping you."
"I wanted you to."
"Stop it Justin, you don't know what you want."
Justin slammed his fist down on the bedside table and pushed JC over, pinning him to the bed.
"Justin don't," JC said.
"Just let me show you Josh, let me show you how much I want you."
JC groaned as Justin started kissing his neck.
"I'm serious Justin, don't." JC whispered.
Justin ignored him and ran his hands up under JC's shirt, feeling his hard abs.
"I know you don't want me to stop, Josh."
JC's eyes went wide as he felt Justin's hands on his belt buckle. He wanted to lay back and let Justin touch him. It would have been so easy. But he knew he couldn't. He quickly gathered all his strength and pushed Justin off of him so that the two of them lay side by side, gasping for breath.
"Don't tell me you don't want me," Justin said.
JC closed his eyes. He could hear the quiver in Justin's voice and knew he was about to cry. He wanted to reach over and hold him, but didn't know if he could control himself.
"Josh, please. Stop pushing me away."
JC looked over and saw the tears trickling down Justin's face. He pulled Justin into his arms, letting the tears run onto his chest.
"Justin, I do want you. You know I do."
"Then why are you doing this?"
"Because you're confused."
"Josh I'm not confused!"
"Justin, I'm not just gonna fuck you to satisfy your curiosity!"
Justin sat up and looked at JC.
"Is that what you think I want? Just to fuck you?"
"Isn't it?" JC asked as he got up off the bed.
"Josh..."
"I think I should go," JC said as he walked toward the door.
"This is your room," Justin said, his voice still shaking.
"Well leave when you're ready. I'll come back in an hour."
JC reached for the doorknob.
"Josh!" Justin said, trying to hold in the sobs.
JC stopped. He knew he should leave, but it was hard. He had always been there for Justin and to walk away when he was hurting so much was extrememly difficult. He took a deep breath and began to turn the doorknob. It was better for Justin if he just left.
Justin panicked. He couldn't let JC walk away. He didn't want this to happen again. So he did the only thing that made sense.
"Josh, I love you."
That's all for now folks. I'm gonna get lots of mean e-mails, aren't I? Oh well, I'm looking forward to hearing from everyone and getting back in touch. Even if it is just to yell at me for leaving it like that. I have to keep you all interested, though, don't I? Hope you liked it! Talk to you soon!
~ERIN~