If you are under age, or live in an area where reading stories that include sex between males is illegal, or if you're not into this type of story, please leave. This is a love story and it will take a while to develop, so there won't be any love scenes in the first several chapters. If you're looking for a more sexual story, I've written a few of those. Ask me. If you're into romance, I hope this story pleases you.
I'd like to thank my friends in the Nifty Six for their support and encouragement, especially Tim for his advice and his editing assistance. The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at NJMcMick@yahoo.com.
Chapter Six
Ben
I couldn't stop thinking about Joey for the next few days. He'd gone through such a horrible tragedy and, while he was obviously still hurting, was somehow managing to move on with his life. It made me realize that I hadn't made much progress in dealing with my own situation, which was so much less tragic than his. I was still avoiding places that Paul liked, afraid of running into him and that kid.
Over the next few weeks Monday night became the highlight of my week. Yeah, I enjoyed the bowling, but it was the hour or so with Joey at Angelo's afterward that I really looked forward to. He made me feel better than anyone had in a long time. We didn't talk about the pain in our pasts, just what little was going on in our current lives. It was enough. I sensed that the time we spent together meant as much to Joey as it did to me.
Joey's ability to keep his life on track in spite of what he'd gone through inspired me. One Tuesday Becky was over for our usual take-out and television and I mentioned that I thought it was time for me to take control of my life and move on. I'd told her about making friends with Joey and that he was a widower with a baby, but hadn't gone into details about his situation.
"What do you say we go to Connexions Friday night, Beck? I'm tired of only going there during the week when the place is half-empty."
"You sure you're ready in case we run into the asshole? I don't want to have to carry you out of the place again like last time. Another night like that and you'll need a new liver."
"I think I can handle it. I've been acting like a baby over this for too long. If I keep avoiding places just because of him then I keep letting him run my life and he's got nothing to do with me anymore."
"Yeah, that sounds good but I'll believe it when I see it, Ben."
Me too, Becky, I thought. I wasn't sure I could face Paul and not hurt but I knew I had to try. I couldn't spend my whole life hiding.
The next day I was at the food court in the Livingston Mall having lunch when my cell phone rang. It wasn't a number I recognized and I was surprised to hear Joey's voice.
"Hey Ben, I hope I didn't catch you at a bad time. Are you at work?"
"No, Joey, right now I'm at lunch so your timing is perfect. What's up?"
He'd never called me before, not even at home, so I was curious. I'd been thinking that it would be nice to see more of him than just Mondays but had been hesitant to ask him over to the house. I knew it was silly because we seemed to have a good comfortable friendship starting up, but I was afraid he'd think maybe I had ulterior motives.
"I was wondering if maybe you wanted to get together and do something Friday night."
"That sounds great. You mean like dinner?"
"Well, actually, I was thinking of a little later. I put Connor to bed around eight so maybe after that."
"Sure, I'd love to, except that this week Becky and I have already made plans."
"Oh." I could hear the disappointment in his voice. "Maybe another time, then."
"Hey, we'd love for you to join us if you like, though you might not like the place we're going."
"Why, what's wrong with it?"
"Nothing, but it's a gay club." There was a barely noticeable pause.
"Well, I've never been to a gay club but if you promise to protect me I'd love to go with you guys."
"You forget I've seen you without your shirt. With that body you may have reason to need protection, but I think you're definitely up to the job yourself. In fact, I think if anybody's going to be doing any protecting it will be you, Joey."
Becky came over for dinner Friday night and Joey got there a little after nine. They'd met briefly that morning I was too hung over to discuss the landscaping but I introduced them anyway. Before we left Joey excused himself to use the bathroom.
"He's sweet and absolutely adorable, Ben. Doesn't he make you wish you were into twinks instead of papa bears?"
"Not really, Beck. I agree with your assessment of him but it's easier to be friends this way. If he were my type I'd probably be head over heels in love with him by now and the last thing I need is to fall for a guy who can't love me back."
We got to the bar a little early but I'd sensed that Joey might not want to be out too late. He wasn't used to clubbing and even though his parents were baby-sitting he was probably thinking about his son. We'd never stayed very late at Angelo's, partly because it was a work night, but also because Joey had said he didn't like the idea of the baby waking up in the night and him not being there.
Of course the minute we walked into the main bar area I noticed Paul and the trophy boy. They saw us and came right over. I was tense but thought I held it together pretty well as I introduced Joey. Paul had his arm around Chad in a possessive way that I remembered all too well. Both he and Chad looked Joey over from head to toe, practically devouring him with their eyes. I expected that from Paul-Joey was just his type-but I had assumed Chad's tastes were more like mine. After the introductions there was a long silence which Becky finally broke.
"So are they having a special here tonight, Paul? Kids get in free when they bring their fathers?"
"Still the charming bitch, Rebecca. No wonder I don't miss you."
There was another long tense pause, then Joey surprised me. He slipped an arm around my waist and pulled me close.
"Let's go get a drink, babe. We can talk to your friends later."
Paul's eyebrows shot up in surprise. Not as much as mine, I hoped. Babe? Where did that come from? Joey turned me away from the others and walked me to the bar, never taking his arm away from me. Becky followed a few feet behind.
"What was that all about?"
"I hope you're not mad, Ben, but he was looking so smug and condescending with his arm around that kid, almost as if he was enjoying rubbing it in your face. I figured it wouldn't hurt if he thought that we were together, that you'd moved on, too."
"You are so sweet, Joey. Thank you."
"No, you're the sweet one, Ben. He's a jerk who treated you like dirt. You deserve better." He put a hand behind my head and pulled me into his neck and just hugged me for a minute. I'd been feeling so uptight until that point but all the tension melted right out of me. Joey knew just what to do to make me feel better.
Joey
I was a little hesitant about going to a gay club but I wanted to spend more time with Ben. Besides, deep down I knew it would be no different than a straight place, though I hadn't had much experience with them lately either. Jenny and I had gone out with friends now and then but that seemed like another lifetime.
It was good to see Becky again. She and I had hit it off the day we'd made the plans for Ben's property and Ben obviously adored her from the way he always talked about her. In spite of my initial nervousness about the club, I was sure it was going to be a fun evening.
We got to the place and immediately ran into Ben's ex. I knew how much Ben didn't want to see Paul but I also knew that he wanted to get over it. I took an instant dislike to Paul which was unusual for me but then, I knew how much he had hurt Ben. I just couldn't understand Paul's attitude. He had to know how hard this was for Ben, how much this guy who had loved him was hurting. Yet he seemed smug and arrogant, almost as if he wanted to hurt him more. I could understand the snotty little brat he was with acting like that but Paul had once supposedly loved Ben. It made me want to protect Ben. I decided that for the rest of the night, making him feel good was my only priority.
We tried to avoid Paul and Chad as much as possible. The club wasn't huge but there were different rooms so it wasn't very hard. About an hour after we got there I went downstairs to use the men's room. Becky teased me about not letting myself get picked up. I asked her to keep an eye on Ben.
The room was empty and I had just started to pee when I someone stepped up to the urinal next to me. I made of point of not looking at him.
"Nice, very nice."
I glanced over and it was Chad, looking down at my dick. I stepped up closer to the urinal to block his view and tried to ignore him.
"You know you and Ben aren't fooling anybody."
"What do you mean?"
"We all know Ben's into older guys like Paul, not hot young studs like you. Paul's not buying your little act."
I shook off the last few drops, put my dick away and zipped up.
"You don't even know Ben, and it seems to me that you're the one with the older guy." I moved over to the sink to wash my hands.
"Oh, Paul's all right. He's sweet and very generous although not very exciting in bed. I like a little variety. I'm into all kinds of things and all kinds of guys. Like you for instance. I'll bet you and I could have a lot of fun." He took a step back and squeezed his half-hard dick.
I looked him in the eye. "Why would you think I'd ever be interested in an ass like you when I've got a great guy like Ben?" I turned and walked out, leaving him standing there with his cock in his hand.
I had been trying to act the part of Ben's devoted boyfriend up until then but I was more determined than ever after that. A little while later we were by the side of the dance floor when a slow song started. I noticed Paul and Chad, who had been standing near the bar at the other end of the room move out onto the floor. Becky grabbed Ben's arm.
"C'mon, Ben, dance with me."
"Hey, what about me?"
Becky turned toward me. "Well, sure Joey, I'd love to dance with you but I can only dance with one of you at a time."
"No, I meant me and Ben. We're supposed to be the couple, you know."
Ben looked uncertain. "Are you sure you want to do this, Joey?"
"Sure, why not? It's just dancing."
We went out onto the floor and wrapped our arms around each other. It felt a little weird but we had hugged a few times before and the men in my family are always hugging so it wasn't altogether strange. After a minute we both relaxed and Ben put his head on my shoulder. It felt good. I noticed Chad watching us with a smirk on his face. As we turned so that Ben could also see him, he began making out with Paul and I felt Ben tense up. What a jerk! I decided we had to do something.
"Just follow my lead, Ben. It's show time." I ran my hand up and down his back and then let it slide down to rest on one cheek of his ass. I saw Chad's eyes follow the move and I gave the cheek a hard squeeze. Ben started and pulled back a bit, giving me a funny look. Time to go for broke. I brought my hand up, put it behind his head and pulled him toward me. I pressed my lips against his in a firm, though close-mouthed, kiss. It was no big deal. My family was very physical and Pop often kissed me and my brothers on the mouth. Ben obviously thought differently about it because he immediately parted his lips and I felt his tongue on my lips. Instinctively, I opened my mouth a bit and met his tongue with mine. As they touched something went off inside me, maybe inside both of us, because our mouths opened more and in an instant we were devouring each other. I knew what we were doing was wrong but my brain had no control. I was completely and totally lost in the hottest kiss I'd ever experienced. I don't know how long it went on but all of a sudden I realized the music had changed to a faster song and we were standing still in the middle of a floor filled with gyrating bodies. I was aware of Ben's hard dick pressing into my groin. I realized that my dick was hard and throbbing as well. He must have come back to reality at the same time because we practically jumped apart and quickly walked off the floor, being careful not to touch each other. Becky was standing there with her mouth hanging open.
"What the fuck was that?"
"I don't know, Beck. One minute we were putting on a show for Paul and Chad and then I just lost control. God, Joey, I am so sorry. You were trying so hard to help me and I took advantage of you. Please don't hate me." Ben looked both horrified and embarrassed.
"It was all my fault, Ben. I wanted to help you but I didn't realize what a tease I must have been. I guess I'm so starved for affection that I forgot where I was but that doesn't excuse my leading you on that way."
"Well, whatever it was, it was sooo hot, guys. I think you turned on half the bar. Paul and Chad sure were impressed."
I looked around but I didn't see any sign of them.
"They left, Joey. After watching your performance and realizing you two weren't coming up for air anytime soon, Paul grabbed the kid's hand and practically dragged him out the door."
Ben
As soon as I saw Paul I was sure I'd made a mistake. The pain stabbed at me again, just like before. I couldn't even look at Chad. But then Joey took charge. I couldn't believe he came up with the idea of pretending to be my date. I would have never thought of that and even if I had I could never have asked him. But it was a great idea. I'd been so obsessed with convincing myself that I was over Paul. It was so much easier to concentrate on convincing Paul that I was over him.
And Joey was such a considerate date. He bought me drinks, he held my hand, he hugged me a few times. Even a peck on the cheek now and then. I couldn't help but think back to what I'd said to Becky before we left the house. It would be so easy to fall for Joey. It was hard to believe it was his first time in a gay club. He seemed perfectly at ease although he did seem a bit flustered when he came back from the men's room. Maybe he'd walked in on a couple going at it in the booth. It wouldn't be the first time in that place. We settled into a spot alongside the dance floor for a while. Joey stood behind me and wrapped his arms around me, hugging me from the rear. I tried not to appear too tense but I was nervous. It was easy for Joey; he wasn't turned on by guys. It was just an act to him but even though he wasn't my dream guy he was still hot and pressing his body against mine. I didn't want to let on how good it felt to me.
I handled it pretty well until we started to dance. We'd held each other tight that Monday night when he cried after telling me about Jenny but I'd barely been aware of the physical contact then. I'd been too concerned over his emotional state. It was only afterward that I looked back and realized that it had felt so good having him in my arms. When we began to dance I was aware of nothing except his hot muscular body against mine. I began to get hard and hoped he didn't notice. When he squeezed my ass I thought I'd pass out. And then when he kissed me I completely lost it. My brain shut down and raw lust took over.
When I finally realized what I was doing I was horrified. He'd been so good to me all night and I'd practically raped him on the dance floor. He didn't seem to mind too much although he was somewhat quieter the rest of the night. Maybe he was in shock. Fortunately Paul had left during our kiss and there was no need for us to continue the act. I think we'd both had all the physical contact we could handle for the evening.
Joey
I worked Saturday and had a hard time keeping my mind on business. I kept thinking about that kiss. About the whole evening, really. It was kind of odd, acting like that with a guy. Of course, I'd only ever been out on dates with Jenny so doing that kind of stuff would have been odd with anyone. It was easy in a way, because we weren't really on a date. We were playacting so we could do anything we wanted and it didn't mean anything. Even though I was messing around with a guy there was no reason to feel self-conscious. I'd tried to be careful not to be a tease, though. Ben had made it clear to me that I wasn't his type, whatever that was, but I was still a guy and I didn't want to go too far with him. Even so, I'd really enjoyed touching him and holding him. My whole family was very touchy-feely but this was different. There was a different kind of warmth and feeling about Ben. And then that kiss blew me away. I kept thinking back to how turned on I'd been. All though my teen years I'd had hardons for no reason like all boys and I almost always woke up with one and of course Jenny always turned me on, but this was a new experience for me. Not just that it was with a guy, but it was with someone other than Jenny.
That night I dropped Connor off with Lisa and picked Angie up to go to dinner. She wanted to go to Angelo's instead of the diner so we could have wine with our meal.
Angelo came over to greet us as we sat down.
"Not with your boyfriend tonight, Joey?" I was sure I blushed at Angelo's comment. I wondered if he'd heard Ben talking about being gay.
"Boyfriend?" Angie gave me an amused look. "Is there something you haven't told me?"
"He's talking about one of my buddies. We've been dropping by here after bowling the last few weeks." I didn't know why but I was feeling defensive like I had to explain to her.
We ordered and Angelo brought a bottle of merlot. We silently toasted each other and took a sip. We were becoming better friends, but in so many ways she was still the flirty girl I had known in high school. She had assured me she wasn't in the market for a boyfriend and just wanted to be friends, but every now and then I got an uncomfortable feeling that she was looking for more. It was nothing I could put my finger on. Maybe it was just Mom's constant comments about our budding romance that were in the back of my mind whenever I was with Angie. I tried to be careful to keep things on a friendly basis, to not lead her on in any way.
Over dinner I told her about my adventure the night before. I didn't mention all of the playacting or the kiss, just that I'd gone to a gay club with friends. I talked mostly about the club and the other patrons.
"Weren't you nervous being in a place like that, Joey?"
"Why should I have been nervous?"
"Well, you're a great-looking guy. I would imagine that all of those gay guys would have been all over you."
"It was really no different than any other club, although one guy did come on to me in the rest room."
"Did you deck him?"
"Don't be silly. Why would I do that? I just made it clear to him that I wasn't interested and that was the end of it. It was no big deal."
"You'd better watch the situations you get yourself into, Joey. You're way too trusting and innocent. Somebody could take advantage of you."
"I think I can take care of myself, Angie."
When I took her home I went to kiss her on the cheek as usual but she turned her head and I caught her full on the mouth. Her lips were parted slightly and at first contact she parted them more and ran her tongue along them, touching mine as well. It was just like the night before. Without thinking, I opened my mouth and slipped my tongue into her mouth, only this time I almost immediately remembered where I was and that I was with a friend.
I backed away and apologized.
"That's okay, Joey. There's no need to apologize. It was nice."
"But I was out of line, Angie. We've both been very clear that we're just friends. I'm sorry."
"Yes, we're friends, but sometimes other things grow out of friendship. Just don't stress over it and let whatever happens happen." She kissed me lightly on the lips and went into the house.
Ben
After I got home Friday night I couldn't stop thinking about Joey and that kiss. I let Lula out for a few minutes and then stripped for bed. I think I'd been half-hard since the kiss and getting undressed and thinking about it brought me up to full-staff. I lay on my back on the bed, slowing stroking and squeezing my meat, thinking about how great the whole evening had been once Joey took over with his act. While I knew it was an act it had felt so perfect. I just loved every touch of his. As I replayed his kiss I began stroking harder and faster. It was probably just my imagination but I could have sworn I felt something hard pressing back against my hard dick while he was kissing me. I thought about that as images of him flashed though my mind. That day he was shirtless in my back yard, his beautiful smile, his warm loving eyes. In no time I exploded, shooting stream after stream of hot white cum all over my chest and stomach.
I licked my fingers clean and then used my boxers to wipe up the rest of the mess. As I cleaned up I berated myself for thinking about Joey that way. It wasn't going to do me any good. He wasn't even a possibility. But as I lay there I found myself wondering what Joey's spunk tasted like. Damn, this wasn't good.
Saturday afternoon Becky and I went to the local Home Depot. I was still lost in my thoughts as we wandered up and down the aisles.
"I don't know why I let you drag me here, Beck. We both know that neither of us has a clue what to do with most of the stuff in here. What are we supposed to be looking for this time?"
"It's not the merchandise, Ben, it's the other customers. This place is always full of hot men. I almost always meet someone when I come here alone."
"Then why bring me?"
"Being with a helpless queen can be a plus, too. Lots of straight guys like to show off and they think I'm impressed when they know so much more about this stuff than you."
"Like that's hard. Well, let me know when you see a hottie and want me to go into my helpless queen act."
"You mean this isn't it?"
"Bitch. Leave me alone. I had a hard night."
"Yeah, I'll bet it was hard, especially after the workout stud-boy put you though. Another minute of that and you would have both had embarrassing wet patches on your pants."
"Well, I would have but I don't think it was quite the same for Joey. Remember, he's straight."
"Yeah, something about him was straight all right and it was causing an enormous tent in the front of his pants when you guys left the dance floor."
"No way! Joey was as turned on as I was?"
"A lot more than you from the looks of it. The guy next to me nearly passed out at the sight."
I wished Becky had kept that bit of info to herself. I was trying so hard to get my mind back to thinking of Joey in a platonic way and the last image I needed was that of a huge tent in his pants.
Joey
Sunday morning Mom and I took Connor to Mass as usual and then I stayed in for the day. Since the weather had turned cooler we didn't have the big family get-togethers every weekend. It was hard to squeeze everyone into the house, although we managed on holidays. I spent some time playing with Connor and did a little reading while he napped.
I tried to figure out what was going on in my life. After months of standing still, all of a sudden things were going way too fast. In my whole life, I had only French kissed one person and then in less than twenty-four hours I'd kissed two more, both of them friends. I wasn't sure what was going on with either one. I thought about what Angie had said. Did that mean she wanted more or did it just mean that it was okay with her if I wanted more? I'd gotten more carried away with Ben but then the situation had been different. But even so, did that mean I was gay? I so rarely felt anything physical toward anyone so these feelings were confusing and a bit overwhelming. Thinking about it didn't clarify anything. By the time I took Connor up to bed I had decided I was either asexual, gay, straight, or bi. One of them, maybe more. Not much of an answer. I tried to discuss it with Connor but, while he looked as though he was giving it some thought, as usual he didn't have much to say. I put him in the crib, pulled the blanket over him and kissed him goodnight, then lay on the bed and thought again about what Angie had said. I knew that I had to do something even if I wasn't sure what.
I got up and opened the top dresser drawer and took out the carved wooden box. I sat on the edge of the bed, opened the box and rummaged though its contents. There were ticket stubs from concerts and plays Jenny and I had gone to, postcards she'd sent me from childhood vacations with her family, assorted pictures taken over the years, junk jewelry I'd given her when we were kids, a small smooth stone she'd picked up on the beach when we went down to the shore the day after the senior prom. As I went through twenty years of memories tears streamed down my face as always. I pulled out a picture taken of us at our engagement party.
"I will always love you, Jenny. What we had was unique and special and a piece of my heart will always belong to you, but it's time for me to move on. I can't live in the past anymore. It's not good for me or for Connor. I don't know just what I'm doing but I have to do something. Wish me luck, Jenny. I love you."
I put the picture back and grasped my wedding ring in my fingertips and twisted it back and forth, gradually sliding it off my finger. I held it and looked at it for a minute, then kissed it and put it in the box. I put the box away in the drawer and lay back down on the bed. I wasn't sure I could do this but I knew I had to try.
To be continued...