Second Toughest in the Infants

SECOND TOUGHEST IN THE INFANTS by Kai Wailbone

Author's note: Okay, probably redundant for anyone who's still reading this story, but this story will seem out-of-date... this takes place back in 2000/01... do keep that in mind.

For Tom R. - I hope you've gotten around to reading this

DISCLAIMER FOR CHAPTER TWELVE

This is a work of fiction. The characters are fictional, though their names and descriptions are similar to real people. These real people are depicted with character traits, past histories, and sexualities that ARE NOT MEANT TO IMPLY ANYTHING about their real-life counterparts.

Do not take this (the story) seriously. Please.

The title is from the Underworld album "Second Toughest in the Infants." The chapter headings are from lyrics and song names.

Second Toughest in the Infants Chapter Twelve - Resonator (Part 3.1)

"Now it's just too late and we can't go back I'm sorry can't be perfect..."

• Simple Plan ___________________________________

Ashley sat alone in his hotel room, staring at the blank television. It was extremely cold, with the air conditioning turned on full blast. He gritted his teeth to keep from shivering, but didn't get up to change the temperature.

All the lights except for the bedside lamp had been turned off, and even though the remote for the television rested on its stationary post just beside him, Ashley had no real intention of turning it on.

Confusion had settled on his mind like a fog, but instead of resisting it he clung to it desperately, swirling his thoughts around to make it greater, because it was the only thing that seemed to hide the pain. A pain that seemed to come from nowhere, but pushed up into his mind whenever he thought about

(Dan)

Jacob, or anything that had happened in the past couple of days. A strange, rising feeling of... embarassment...

Taking a deep breath, Ashley stood up.

Trevor looked up at Erik over his book. Erik hadn't spoken to him all evening except for the monosyllabic comment or occasional glare. After almost an hour of thick silence in their hotel room, Trevor had finally pulled on his headphones and opened his old battered copy of "The Great Gatsby." Erik had always laughed at him for bringing a book he had to read in school, but Trevor had always loved the book.

Now, however, he couldn't concentrate on more than two or three words at a time. And the music from his headphones was little more than background noise blocking the sound of Erik getting ready for bed.

Erik looked over and caught Trevor's eye. Trevor held his gaze for a few seconds, then looked back at his book. From the corner of his eye, he saw Erik stare at him for another few seconds before going to the bathroom.

"It's like musical rooms, where is everyone now?"

"Ashley's by himself, Jacob and Dan are together tonight, and Trevor is with Erik."

"Is this final?"

"I don't know. Dan was supposed to be alone, and Ashley and Jacob together, so... Dan's in Jacob's room with Ashley's things, and Ashley is in Dan's room with Dan's things."

"Do they know they have to get everything sorted out and packed?"

"I think they wear each other's clothes so often now it doesn't matter."

"Even underwear?"

"I suppose."

"Okay, then. And when are they leaving?"

"This weekend."

"And... you're okay with this?"

"No, but I wasn't brought in on this decision."

"Really? I thought everything had to be run by you, now."

"Yeah, well... is that mine or yours?"

"Mine."

"What does it say?"

"Hold on a sec'..."

"What is it?"

"Someone's leaving their room."

"Who?"

"Ashley."

"Did he call in?"

"No."

"Typical. Okay, call Terry, get him out there."

"He won't be happy."

"This is his job, he has no choice."

"Fine."

"Anyone else leaving?"

"No."

"Probably should send someone around, check see if anything's going on."

"Yeah, okay."

"Hello?"

"Hey, Rabbu."

"Michelle! Oh, my God..." Jeremy sat up straight in his chair so suddenly he almost dropped his phone. "Where are you?"

"Yes, I'm doing fine, thanks for asking." The girl's voice on the other end of the phone was heavy with sarcasm.

"Oh, yes, well... how are you?"

"Told you, I'm fine. And we're in Phoenix right now."

"Arizona?"

"No, Vermont."

"Okay, okay, I get it." Jeremy stood up and walked slowly around the living room. "So, you're coming, right?"

"When have we not?"

"True, but... wow, I was waiting for this."

"Yeah, I figured. So... what low-life degenerates have you invited to invade our holidays?"

Jeremy grinned. "Oh, you'll laugh."

"I'm laughing already. Who?"

"Well, Trent and Rev said they'd come."

"Ooh, great. Really. Dad'll be so proud at your new friends."

"Yeah... Sebastian and Jason said they'd come."

"Is Seb bringing James?"

"Pretty sure." Jeremy idly picked up a blue glass sculpture from the mantle. "And... heh... a couple people you don't know."

"Who?"

"You know, I've always wondered... what is this blue thing on the mantle here at the beach house? It looks like a really tall woman... or a tree. A strange, glass, blue tree..."

"Don't make me ask again."

Jeremy coughed. "Just... a couple pop stars."

"Male pop stars?"

"Does it matter?"

"YES! Now, who?"

"Um... a boy band."

"Oh, dear God, not the Backstreet Boys again."

"No, no... O-Town."

There was a pause. "You're making that up."

"No, no, they're coming."

"No... O-Town? You made that name up, didn't you? It's really the Backstreet Boys again, isn't it? I told you, if Brian brings his dogs around, I will seriously cook them..."

"Shelles... seriously, there's a band called O-Town."

"Geez, do they call themselves that in public?"

"Apparently, yes."

A sigh. Then, "Are they cute?"

Jeremy took a deep breath. "Ye-es.."

"Then they're gay, aren't they?"

"Not... ALL of them..."

"Oh, geez..."

"So, anyway, Ben's here somewhere, want to talk to him?"

"No, not really, but Rachelle probably would... she wanted to ask him where he got those white pants."

"Which ones, the jeans?"

"No, the judo pants."

"Oh, yes... let me just... go to the bedroom..." Jeremy chuckled as he made his way up the stairs. "So, anyway, you're okay with our guests?"

"No, but I guess I don't have a choice since you invited them, didn't you?"

"Shelles..."

"Don't 'Shelles' me. You do this every time, inviting weirdos... this is supposed to be a family thing, you know..."

"Yes, like we did that first year? We waited months to get together for an hour and a half?" Jeremy came up to the bedroom door to find it closed. Frowning slightly, he opened it. "At least this way you get to see what I've been..."

"Shit!"

"What? Oh, Jesus... Jeremy..."

Jeremy stared, his sister momentarily forgotten as he opened the door to the darkened room. Enough light spilled in from behind him to show him Ben smiling calmly up at him, with someone else scrambling wildly to cover himself with his sheets.

"Oh... my... God... NICK?"

"Hello? Rabs, you still there? Who are you talking to?" Michelle's voice sounded small and tinny from the receiver, which Jeremy had dropped away from his ear. "Did you say Nick? It's Nick from the Backstreet Boys, isn't it?"

"Um..." Jeremy lifted the phone back to his ear. "Um... Shelles? Can I call you back on your cell? I've... got to take care of something."

"Yeah, sure. But soon, okay?"

"Sure. Bye." Jeremy ended the call and lowered the phone, his mouth opened slightly in shock. "Um... Ben?"

"Hey, Jer." Ben smiled slyly, seeming to think nothing unusual about his laying naked in bed while Nick was wrapped up like a mummy beside him. "You remember Nick, don't you?"

Jeremy's gaze flickered towards Nick. "Hey, Nick. How's it going?"

Nick hesitated. "Hey, uh... Jer, Ben said you wouldn't mind, and... and we were going to wait for you, but you... and..."

"Nick, calm down," Ben interrupted. "He's fine with it. Aren't you, Germ?"

Jeremy slowly made his way into the room. "That was Michelle."

"Oh, how is she?"

"Fine, she and Rachelle will be here this weekend."

"I see."

"Yeah, she didn't think there was such a band as O-Town and how the HELL did this happen?"

Nick flinched. "Jer, I..."

Ben laughed. "Oh, Jer, stop it, you're scaring him."

Jeremy glared at Ben for a moment, then grinned mischeviously. "Oh, I was just starting to have fun, too."

"Yeah, well."

"So I guess this is what happens when I leave you alone?"

"No, just when you act like an asshole all the time. You should know that by now." Ben sat up and crawled across the bed to reach for Jeremy. "But we really were going to wait for you."

Jeremy allowed himself to be pulled close by Ben, then glanced at Nick, who was staring at them. "Hey, Nick, what's up?"

Ben leaned close and whispered loudly, "It's his first time."

"Really?" Jeremy raised an eyebrow. "First time with a guy with a foreskin?"

Nick smiled, relaxing. "No, actually, with... actually... yes, yes, with a foreskin. But with... you know... two guys."

"I see." Jeremy stroked Ben's cheek before kissing him gently. "Have you been gentle with him, Bird?"

"Actually, he likes it kinda rough."

"Really?" Jeremy looked sideways at Nick, then made his way to the door. "Well, then I'll just let you two kids finish playing..."

"Aren't you going to join us?" Nick asked. At Jeremy's look he ducked his head, blushing. "I mean... you can if you want to..."

Jeremy smiled softly and glanced at Ben. A second's silent communication passed between them, then he closed the bedroom door.

"Well... alright, then."

When I was younger, I believed in fairy tales. The kind where the lonely girl gets together with the handsome prince, even if he doesn't like her at first, or doesn't even notice her at first. Where one's greatest fantasy, one greatest dream could come true, no matter how unlikely it might seem in the beginning.

But life isn't a fairy tale. The lonely girl often stays lonely, locked in her tower, staring at the world she can never be a part of.

Dan grunted as he turned his face away from another of Jacob's kisses. Jacob hadn't shaved that morning, making his face unbearably scratchy, and his goatee irritated him to no end, yet he seemed intent on sucking Dan's tongue out of his mouth.

"Hey..." Thinking he'd try distracting Jacob a bit, he pushed him back and guided Jacob's hand to his leg. "Here, check this out..."

Jacob's fingers traced the inside of Dan's thigh, but his other hand started unbuttoning Dan's shirt from the bottom. Dan instantly grabbed his hands and stopped him before he got halfway up.

Jacob looked at him questioningly. "You okay, Dan?"

"Yeah, yeah..." Dan held Jacob's hands for a second longer, thinking. "Just, uh... cold hands."

Jacob smiled. "Oh... sorry."

"No prob." Dan licked his lips, letting Jacob's hands go. He noticed that his own hands were shaking as he touched Jacob's knee. "Is it... can I...?" He inched his hand higher on Jacob's leg.

Jacob stared at Dan's hand. "Wh... do you want to?"

"Kinda..."

"Is this a little weird to you, too?"

"I actually wondered what this would be like for a while now."

"Really? Then why now?"

Dan looked away. "Really drunk," he mumbled.

"But Dan..."

Dan looked up. He was salivating in spite of himself and had to swallow hard before speaking. "Y... yeah?"

Jacob laid a hand on top of Dan's. "Should we be doing this?"

"Huh?"

"I mean... with Ashley and all... I was just thinking..."

"'Thinking'?" Dan shook his head. "Jakie... now's not the time to be thinking. I'm not." He tried a slight smile. "I mean... we're drunk. We're REALLY drunk. We've been drinking non-stop for the past three hours."

Jacob lifted his head and smiled back. "True." He giggled, a surprisingly sharp sound. "Very true," he said softly, and leaned forward to kiss Dan again.

Dan didn't like the uncontrolled sound of Jacob's laughter, so he let the kiss go on a bit, but eventually the scratchiness of Jacob's face got to be too much. Besides that, even with his eyes closed it felt like Jacob's breath was too hot, too strong - nothing like kissing a girl.

Pulling away, he was surprised to find he was breathing hard. He wasn't sure if this was the right thing to do, but... he needed something from Jacob. This had seemed like a good idea at the time, just going along with this until he could ask... but now...

Wiping his mouth, he took a deep breath and reached for Jacob's belt.

In fairy tales, friends are loyal, unwavering, and always come through for you in the end. But they're not. Not always, at least. Sometimes friends aren't your friends.

Blue eyes.

Blond hair.

Ashley smiled exageratedly into the mirror. Frowned. Pulled the skin of his cheeks back. Relaxed his face. Sighed.

Still the same. Blue eyes. Blond hair. Nose. Mouth. The same face that had stared back at him in the mirror for as long as he could remember. Nothing special. Nothing remarkable. There was no spark, no light, no special something that seemed to make everyone go crazy. He couldn't see it. Any of it.

-what the hell does everyone else see that i don't?

Nothing. There was nothing. He was ordinary. Less than ordinary - kids used to make fun of him in school, make blond jokes and laugh because he was laid back and didn't always understand when they laughed at his expense.

But things were different now. All those kids who used to laugh and tease - where were they now? Working at a fast food joint to earn money in the summer? Trying to muster the courage to ask the girl out across the class room? Hanging out at the same tired mall they all hung out in since junior high?

And what was he doing? He was being recognized in malls and fast food joints. He was wearing designer clothes, not needing to pay for his cell phone or pager or meals. He had girls dreaming about him that he never even met, all around the world. His dreams had come true, and all those losers... they had none of it.

So why wasn't he happy?

Picking up a comb - he guessed it was Dan's - he ran it under water and started combing his hair straight forward over his forehead. He used to wear his hair like that when he was in grade school, but now, the way it was cut, it made him look like a kid from an old black-and-white comedy show. Sighing in frustration, he threw the comb down, letting it clatter into the sink.

Suddenly, and very desperately, he needed to get out of the hotel. Where, he didn't know, just... out.

Rushing out of the bathroom, he grabbed his jacket, turned the collar up and pulled a baseball cap down over his eyes. As he rushed to the door, the noticed that the baseball cap was Dan's, but didn't feel like going back to Jacob's room to get another one. He felt a twinge of guilt as he closed the door behind him - Dan's hats were the one thing he never lent out - but figured Dan would never know. After checking to make sure he had his key and wallet, he stalked down the hall to the elevator.

Sometimes the good guys are't so obvious, and they're not always good. And the bad guys can end up to be the most unlikely of saviors.

When Trevor finally turned off the light, Erik opened his eyes. His headphones had been blasting Jennifer Lopez remixes into his ears for almost an hour, and he'd kept his arm across his eyes, pretending to be asleep while Trevor got ready for bed. He refused to talk to Trevor, even when he heard, just above the music, Trevor tell him good night before the lights went out.

Carefully, he moved his headphones to his temples. Trevor would still hear the music blasting and assume he was listening to it, but it wouldn't bother him so much. Why it was so important for Trevor to hear his music, he couldn't say exactly, but he kept them on.

Trevor had put his own headphones on, and Erik could hear the soft, slow bass of Boys II Men. A furtive glance over showed Trevor with his headphones fully on his ears, eyes closed, and unaware of Erik's covert movements.

With a sigh, Erik shifted until he was flat on his back, staring a the ceiling of the hotel room. He felt cold, and lonely, and oddly embarrassed. It felt like every step he made was a wrong move in someone's eyes, and every time someone looked at him it was with disapproval. He felt more an outsider than he ever did, and he didn't like it.

It was incomprehensible - just a month ago, he was talking to reporters and interviewers about the brotherhood, how they were so close, lived together, ate together, shared each others clothes... it was so simple. So comforting. So much like a family. And now, without warning, it had all changed. He wasn't a part of this group of strangers, revealing secrets after so long, proving so much to be a lie, and being the only one who thought it was wrong, who realized this couldn't be...

Pain stabbed at Erik's heart. He thought he'd never be alone again after he joined the band. After he'd been chosen, he thought things would be different, that things would change. That he'd be happy.

Pulling his headphones back over his ears, he pressed them close, trying to let the loud music drown out his thoughts.

But fairy tales are important. I do believe we need fairy tales. Or at least a healthy ability to believe lies about the past.

He was waiting just outside the hotel.

"Aw, shit."

"Ashley, hi."

"Um... hi... Terry, right?"

"Right."

Ashley managed to smile. "How'd you know?"

"Got a call." Terry hoisted the camera onto his shoulder. "Going for a walk?"

"I was hoping to."

"Where to?"

"Not sure. Just... to walk."

"Great. You waiting for Dan and Jacob?"

Ashley narrowed his eye. "Dan and Jacob?"

"Yeah, got a call, said they were coming down, too. You all going out or something?"

"Um..." Ashley thought quickly. "Yes. We're all going for coffee. In fact..." Glancing to the street, he saw the line of parked taxis. "We're taking a cab. Why don't we go wait for them there?"

"A cab?" Terry looked at Ashley, puzzled. "I thought you were going for a walk."

"I am. We are. I just... I'm going for a walk after. At the park. By the coffee house."

"Ah. I see." Terry looked at him suspicously for a moment, then lowered the camera. "And you want to wait in the cab?"

"Yes."

"Then let's go."

Ashley walked swiftly to the line of waiting cabs, praying he was right. Getting into a cab near the end of the line, he waited for Terry to get in before talking to the driver.

"Could you wait a minute, our other friends are coming."

The driver just nodded.

Ashley settled back, smiling at Terry. Looking out the window, he watched the hotel until Dan and Jacob came out.

Jacob walked as if sleep-walking, looking thoroughly depressed and staring constantly at his feet. His dreads hung limp into his face, disheaveled as if he just woke up. And Dan... Ashley had to keep himself from saying something. Dan looked like death itself, pale and tired-looking with circles under his eyes, but he also seemed on guard, his eyes constantly returning to Jacob, as if he expected him to collapse at any moment.

In spite of himself, Ashley looked at Dan's neck, but it was covered. Dan was wearing a shirt buttoned all the way to the top.

As Dan and Jacob made their way to the street, Ashley held his breath. If they didn't get into a cab, his story was shot, and he'd have to explain himself to Terry. But if they did...

Dan lead Jacob to the first cab in the line and opened the door.

"Shouldn't we tell them we're in this cab?" Terry asked.

"Huh? Oh! No, no... we're following them. I don't know, uh... where it is." Leaning forward, he tapped the glass to get the drivers' attention. "Um... sir? Could you follow that first cab?"

Terry looked at Ashley suspicously. "Aren't you going to call them or something, let them know we're coming?"

"Um... no."

"Why?"

"They, uh... don't exactly know I'm coming. It's a... a surprise."

"A surprise? Why? And how did you know they'd be coming out?"

"Terry," Ashley said, looking at Terry condescendingly. "Isn't your job to shoot film? Start the camera, I'll explain it to our loyal viewers."

Terry shot him a nasty look, but pulled the camera onto his shoulder and switched it on.

Ashley smiled automatically, and unconsciously pushed the baseball cap further back so his face wouldn't be in constant shadow. "Okay, we're following Dan and Jacob's cab. They don't know I'm here, right now, so they're going to be a bit surprised..."

Because sometimes the past can't be faced, no matter how strong we are, or how happy we should be.

Dan slowly released his grip on the bed sheets as he tried to slow his breathing.

"Oh... wow..."

Jacob came up to lie down shoulder-to-shoulder with Dan. "Glad you like it."

Dan opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. He wasn't sure how he felt about what just happened. What Jacob had done... it had felt good. Real good. And Dan clung to that feeling of pleasure like a drowning man to a floating log.

It took him a few seconds to realize Jacob was gently stroking his hair, smiling at him.

"This is... kinda nice," Jacob said, his other hand running along Dan's arm.

"Yeah, I guess." Dan sighed heavily, his shoulder feeling overly warm against Jacob's bare skin. He was feeling good. Jacob was feeling good. Maybe they could even convince themselves they were still drunk. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes. "Hey, Jake?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

Jacob chuckled. "Yeah, why not."

"It's personal."

"At this point, I don't think I mind so much."

"You'll mind this."

Dan felt Jacob turn to face him. "Dan? What is it?"

"Jake... I... I need to know..." Dan took another deep breath. "What happened?"

"What do you mean..."

"I mean what happened. With... with Lou."

Jacob's motions instantly stopped. "Why... why are you asking?" His voice was cold as he pulled his hands back.

"I just..."

"I told everyone never to ask that," Jacob interrupted. "I TOLD EVERYONE..."

"I know, I know," Dan said quickly. "I just... please, Jacob. I need to know." He didn't like the desperate pleading sound of his voice, but Jacob seemed to soften.

"Need to know?"

Dan shrugged, hoping Jacob could feel it since he wouldn't be able to see it. "I'm... I have a... I'm having trouble dealing with... something."

"And what Lou... did to me... will help?"

"Yes... I mean... I think so."

Jacob took a deep breath, but didn't talk for a long time. Dan wasn't sure if wanted to ask again, or just let it go, and was just thinking of turning away and trying to sleep when Jacob spoke up.

"I feel like coffee. What about you?"

"Now?"

"Coffee for me always seems to encourage serious conversation."

"Well... okay. Just let me get dressed."

The bad thing about pasts that can't be faced is that they always seem to be the very things that never die, that never go away, and never let you forget them...

___________________________________ I've been told that I've been doing things all wrong, that there has been too much talking and not enough action going on in the story... so I'm putting more action into the story. Or rather I will. I just have these couple chapters to get through and then... things get messy. -- Kai Wailbone wailbone@excite.com ____________________________________ Coming soon... Second Toughest in the Infants Chapter 12-B - Resonator (part 3.2)