Disclaimer: Story characters belong to the author, any resemblances to real people are entirely coincidental.
Content Advisory: Adult situations, language, sexual references
Copyright, 2010, Quonus10
I hope you enjoy it. Please comment to: belsport09@gmail.com
- Chapter 28: The Price You Pay
Jason left Peter's room, walking quickly. Unable to hold back, he began to run down the hall. When a nurse told him to stop running, he slowed until he found a stairwell. Taking the stairs two and three at a time, he found himself in the lobby and quickly exited the hospital. Once outside, he began to run. He didn't know where he was going, only that he needed to get away.
It was done; he told her. Now came the hard part. What did he do without his parent's support?
Leaving the parking lot, he ran along the main road until he came to an intersection, where he turned south, away from campus. There was no side walk, so he ran against traffic.
Any hope he had of talking her out of disowning him was gone. Not only did he hang up on her, his face was all over the news as the boyfriend of the victim. That was not going to play well with her friends. If there was a worse way to break the news he was not going to the classes, he couldn't think of it.
Too late now. Hopefully, his father would not cut him off entirely. If he wasn't running as hard as he could, he would have berated himself out loud. With all that was going on, and all he could think about was what would happen to him. How much more shallow could he be.
Even though he was prepared to tell his parents he wasn't going to the classes, he expected Peter to be there for support. Without Peter, he realized how unprepared he was to be on his own.
No street lights lined this stretch of road, but he could see well enough to keep running. Only when his chest hurt, did he stop. Looking around, he didn't recognize where he was. Rarely did he run south of campus and this was well south of that.
He reached in his pocket to call Wendy, but realized he'd left without his phone. That made twice in one week. And both times he came to regret it. Next time he would remember this.
Hanging up on his mother was not the smartest thing to do. She was already mad enough about him being on TV, hanging up on her no doubt make it worse. Poor Dean, having to listen to her tirade.
Panting, no longer feeding on nervous energy, he regretted leaving without his coat. Even his car keys were in the coat. Walking back, he tried to tell himself this was for the best. He wasn't going to those classes, that much he knew for sure. Realizing he could lose Peter, he was even more certain it was the right decision.
Still on the unlit road, he saw lights coming up from behind. He moved to the side of the road to let the car pass. Walking on the shoulder, made it hard for him to keep up his pace that kept him marginally warm. When the car did not pass as it should have, he turned around to find a police car following him.
Slowly the car pulled parallel to him, rolling its passenger window down.
"Son, you shouldn't be out here without a coat."
Jason tried to see into the car, but couldn't make out who was speaking
"I left it in the hospital when I left to get some air, sir. I didn't realize it would be this cold." He stopped walking to speak to the officer. Leaning across the seat, the officer's face became visible.
"Do you want a lift?" Chief Anderson asked.
"I kind of wanted to be alone, sir," Jason told him. "But I'm getting cold."
Jason heard the doors unlocked. "Hop in back."
A metal cage separated the back of the cruiser from the front.
"Sorry about the screen," the Chief said. "We transport criminals in the back, and office policy prohibits anyone but police officers from riding in front."
"I don't mind, sir," Jason answered. "It feels good to be warm."
They pulled up to a traffic light, and Jason noticed where he was in relation to the hospital. "Wow, I didn't realize I'd run so far."
"Why were you running?" Chief Anderson asked.
"My mother called. Said she saw me on the news at the vigil. Let's just say I'm not her favorite son anymore."
"Did she know you were gay before she saw you on the news?"
Jason nodded, then realized the man up front could not see him. "Yes, sir. But, she didn't exactly approve of it. My being gay, I mean."
The officer didn't say anything in response. Sitting in the back of a police car made Jason feel uncomfortable, but he was glad to be warm.
"Sir?"
"Yes?"
"You're Chief Anderson, right?" Jason knew he was, but didn't know how else to start.
He could see the chief nod, so he continued, "I guess you know who I am."
"I'm aware of the investigation and everyone the detectives have interviewed, Jason."
"I want to know if I can personally thank Officer Bennett. After what he did yesterday for Peter, he deserves a medal. Since I don't have one of those to give, I want to say thank you in person."
By the time they arrived at the hospital, Chief Anderson had not responded to Jason's request. He pulled the cruiser up to the front entrance, but did not unlock the door. Twisting, he turned to face Jason.
"If you can keep a secret, I want to do something to acknowledge him later, when Peter is better. But in the meantime, I'll see if he can meet with you. What he did yesterday was what we expect of all our officers; he was protecting our citizens. Certainly he acted with great courage and we will acknowledge that in due course. However, I'm sure Bennett would appreciate hearing it from you."
"Thank you." He swallowed twice before he could add, "I know Peter would feel the same."
The chief withdrew a business card from his shirt pocket. "Come by the station tomorrow around 10:00 a.m. Tell them I told you to come by. I'll see if Bennett can be there. If not I'll know when he will be free."
He accepted the card with a nod. "Yes, sir."
Jason searched for a door handle, but couldn't find one. "They only open from the outside." Without saying more, the chief opened Jason's door. "Another precaution."
"Thank you for the ride." Jason shivered slightly as he extended his hand. After a moment's pause, the older man accepted and the two shook. Jason to wondered if what he did was inappropriate.
"Give my condolences to Peter's parents, please," he said as he climbed back into his cruiser.
"I will, sir." A cool breeze sent another shiver down his back, so he quickly went inside. The walk to Peter's room warmed him up considerably. Twice, nurses appeared like they were going to say something, but stopped when he gave them a brief wave. If they disapproved of who he was to Peter, they never showed it. Instead, all he received were words of sympathy.
Amanda was the only person there when he arrived. Carefully he poked his head inside, somewhat embarrassed by his behavior.
"Tom and Erin went home to get some sleep." She never looked up, but he could tell she was not pleased with him. "They'll come back later, so I can go home."
Unsure what to say, he nodded and sat down. Finally she lifted her head, eyeing him carefully.
"What happened to you?"
He drew a deep breath before he could answer. "I guess you could tell my mother wasn't happy."
She nodded, but didn't speak.
"I just needed to get some air."
"Don't do that again," she scolded. "I have enough to worry about without wondering what happened to you."
Her reprimand stung. It never occurred to him Peter's mom would worry about him. Without meeting her stare, he said, "Sorry, Mrs. G. It won't happen again."
"Tom and Erin looked for you before they left." Her tone softened slightly, now it held more concern and less disapproval. "In fact, they drove around the hospital for a while before they gave up and went home. When they couldn't find you, we all got worried. You left your phone, so we had no way to contact you."
"Sorry, when I got outside, I just started to run." Telling her, he realized how immature he must sound. "Guess I was sort of amped up."
"How far did you run?"
"I'm not sure. I ran until my chest hurt. By then I was pretty far from the hospital."
"What it takes to tire you out, is a bit more than what it would take for me, to need to stop." Her laugh told him she wasn't mad any longer.
As much as he wanted to stay with Peter, he needed some time alone to sort out what happened. Looking at Peter's prone, battered face didn't leave room for serious thoughts about his future.
"Do you mind if I go home? A lot's happened that I need to think about."
"Are you okay?" She reminded him of his mom back when they were on good terms.
"Yes, ma'am. I just need some time to sort things out," he reassured her. "I'll be by before class tomorrow."
"Sleep well, Jason." She held out his phone as he put on his coat. "Sweetie--"
She stopped talking until he looked up at her. "Things might seem bad right now, but they'll work out. It's never as bleak as it seems. People care about you, myself included, things will be okay."
She gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
"Thanks Ms. G." Jason managed a smile before he left.
Amanda sat watching her son's bruised face as if staring would help him wake up. The early morning light added a small amount of color to his abnormally pale skin. As she fixed his hair there was a knock on the door. Standing in the door, a tall, slim, blonde woman in a cream suit holding flowers in her left hand, peered tentatively into the room.
"Are you Amanda Gregory?" She tentatively walked into the room.
"Yes, who's asking?"
"Barbara Tellerman, Jason's mom. We spoke last night." Looking around the room she quickly added, "On my son's phone."
Amanda stood up. "Barbara? You didn't need to come down."
"No, I did need to come. Is Jason here?" She looked at the flowers. "These are for your son. I didn't know what else to bring."
"That was very thoughtful." Amanda accepted the flowers, searching for a vase to put them in. "Jason is gone for the morning."
"I wanted to stop by his apartment, but I'm sure Darryl would have warned him if I had. Those two have been thick as thieves since they were ten." Barbara chuckled dryly.
Locating a nearly empty vase, Amanda put the flowers in the half empty container. "He was here earlier, but I told him yesterday he had to go to class, practice too. There is nothing he can do for Peter right now. Missing class or being removed from the team won't make him wake up any sooner."
"I appreciate you watching over him." Barbara's voice was barely more than a whisper. "Do you know when he'll be back?"
"I believe he said he needed to stop by the police station between classes. . . ."
"Police station?" Barbara's face conveyed some alarm.
"They've been interviewing everyone who knew Jordan Colmar before the attack."
"Yes, I heard it was Jordan." She looked at the floor. "I've known him and his family for years. I can't believe he could do this."
Amanda didn't look up from arranging the flowers.
"Not that I'm saying he didn't," Barbara added hastily. "I meant, I didn't know he was capable of this."
"It's okay, I knew you weren't defending him." Amanda turned back to her son.
Walking slowly, Barbara moved closer to the bed. She couldn't stop from gasping when she saw Peter's face. "Dear God," she whispered. "I'm so sorry, Amanda. Has there been any change?"
"None." She reached out to stroke her son's head again. "But he hasn't gotten worse, so that's a good sign."
Amanda began to cry again, using her free hand to cover her face. Barbara reached for the tissues and pressed a couple in Amanda's free hand. When she was able to compose herself, Amanda took a seat by Peter's side.
Barbara peered intently at the boy in the bed, she swallowed loudly, but kept silent.
"Now you understand what I meant." Amanda's voice broke the silence.
Barbara nodded at first, sniffed then said, "Thank you for last night."
"You're welcome. Come sit down. I could use the company. Your son's a great comfort, but another adult, especially someone who has a son of her own, is appreciated."
Jason chafed all day, barely paying attention in class. When the bell rang, he practically knocked his classmates out of the way, so he could get back to the hospital. Darryl had another class and Wendy had to work, so he was on his own until later.
The walk to his car, the drive from campus, the time spent finding a parking spot, all felt abnormally long today. Coach Slewman excused him from the first hour of practice, so he had until 4:30 to visit.
Remembering how the nurses yelled at him yesterday for running, he walked as fast as he could without drawing angry stares. How could it be this far down the hallway? Finally he arrived, practically running into the room. Two steps in, he stopped dead.
"Mom?" Anger welled up inside. How dare she come here after what she did to him. Without thinking, he asked, "Why are you here?"
"I came to speak to you."
"Forget it! We have nothing to say to each other." He turned, and walked away. He could hear the chairs move inside the room, which made him walk faster.
"Jason, wait," she called. "Please, don't run off."
"Why?" He whirled around. "So you can yell at me in person?"
"No, so I can say how sorry I am." She held her hands out.
Stunned, he didn't know what to do. Sorry? Her? The woman who spent half a year being mad at him for something he couldn't change? She kept walking toward him as he debated what to do. Jason looked at her face for some hint she was lying to him. Instead of anger she looked about to cry. Frozen with indecision, he remained rooted in place until she reached for him.
"Oh sweetie, I'm SO sorry. Really, I am."
Even with her head buried in his jacket, Jason could tell she was crying. He looked over his shoulder and saw Amanda smiling in the doorway.
"Can we go somewhere to talk?" she asked.
"The Extortion Cafe downstairs is close."
"Extortion Cafe?"
Jason laughed. "That's what Darryl called it last night. The food is terrible, coffee is worse and it's expensive."
"Fine, Jason. Anywhere you want is fine."
"Let me go see Peter for minute then we can go. Okay?" He hoped she wouldn't be offended by the request, but if she was, he didn't care; he was going to see him before they spoke.
"Of course."
Jason expected her to stay in the hallway, so he was a bit uncomfortable when she followed him into the room.
"Mrs. G, I'm going to go for a bit. I probably won't be back until after soccer practice." He wanted to add that if Peter woke up to call.
"If anything changes, I'll let you know dear."
"Hey Pete," he knelt beside the bed, holding Peter's left hand. Keenly aware his mother stood at his back, he forced himself to ignore her. "I need to go to practice, but I'll be back after that. Wake up soon; please. I really miss you."
The cafeteria was nearly empty, which seemed normal for 2:30 in the afternoon. Jason carried two bottles back to the table in the corner where his mother sat. Remembering how bad the coffee was, he bought soda instead.
Setting the drinks down, they both let the awkward silence linger. Knowing he had practice soon, Jason spoke first.
"Why are you here mom?" He was still angry with her, despite her telling him she was sorry.
"When you hung up on me last night, I called back." Jason figured this would happen, which is why he left his phone. "Amanda answered the phone."
This was news to him. What happened while he was gone?
"She never said anything."
"I asked her not to," his mother replied. "I was mad when I called back, mad at you for being on TV, mad you hung up, mad you told me you weren't going to the classes. But when she answered your phone, I wasn't prepared for that. Before I could say anything, she started to speak."
Jason handed her a straw, drawing a small smile for his efforts.
"She told me she understood my anger, but I should listen to a mother who might never hear her son's voice again."
He watched his mother's eye tear up. "Despite all she was dealing with, she wanted to tell me I was making the biggest mistake of my life. By the way, she thinks very highly of you. Told me what a polite and respectful son I raised, that I should be proud of the man you had become."
Barbara smiled at her son. "Every mother loves to hear someone tell them what a wonderful child they have, but hearing it from the mother of my son's boyfriend, it really set me back. I was dumbfounded. Amanda used my silence to talk to me, almost as if she knew if she stopped, she would lose her nerve.
"She explained how she learned Peter was gay. How much she struggled with how to deal with Peter's sexuality and her own desire for it to go away. I don't know if she ever told Peter what changed her, so you might not know either. It was at one of his final high school meets. Peter made it to the final eight at the state martial arts championship. She was sitting in the stand with his sister, I don't remember her name."
"Erin." His voice nearly cracked.
"Yes, Erin. She and Erin were sitting in the bleachers waiting for Peter's match. Some kids in front of them pointed toward Peter. One of them made a derogatory remark about his sexuality to the other. Amanda said she was so angry at them for what they said, she almost screamed at them. But she realized then, no matter what else, she loved her son just as much as before she learned he was gay."
"I didn't know that." Jason stared at his untouched bottle of Mt. Dew. "If Peter knows, he never mentioned it."
Barbara picked up her soda as if to take a drink, then set it down. "I listened to her, thinking, who is she to lecture me on what to do with my son. If she wants to accept it, that's her business not mine."
Without thinking Jason made a face. This was totally the reaction he expected from his mother.
"When I tried to say something, she asked me to wait, telling me she wasn't finished.
"Through her tears, halting several times, Amanda told me what happened to Peter two nights ago. Then her voice was steady and firm. She said it felt as if her heart had been ripped out of her chest. As a parent you never want to see your child hurt, Jason. Your dad and I would rather it happen to us, than to you or Dean.
"Seeing Peter all beaten up, she felt helpless and afraid; afraid she would lose him over nothing. Evidently, you arrived soon after she did. Like I said, she likes you quite a bit and was glad you were there.
"Anyway, not to drag this out too much longer since I know you have to go, she said something I don't think I will ever forget. 'I may lose my son tonight. I may never get to hear his voice, see his smile, kiss his cheek, see him succeed, see him in love. He might never surprise me with flowers again or help me put up our Christmas tree; so many things we do as a family that may never happen again. I would give anything, anything, for him to wake up. I don't care if he is gay or not, he is my son. I want him back so bad it hurts.' "
Jason handed her a napkin as he tried to swallow the lump in his throat.
"Thank you." Accepting the napkin she dried her eyes. "She told me I had a choice. I could push you away and regret it the rest of my life if something happened, or I could accept you for who you are and be a part of your life. For her, it was not a hard choice. She knew what she would do."
Jason took a long drink to wet his suddenly dry mouth. "She's pretty amazing. Peter always talks about how strong she is and how much she supports him."
Barbara nodded. "I can see that being the case. I didn't say much, I was too surprised by what happened. Her attempt to help you, despite all she was dealing with, stole my voice. Mother to mother, she spoke to me with such obvious pain, I didn't know how to react. I think I mumbled some kind of thanks and hung up."
His mother at a loss for words was something new to him. All he could do was nod and listen.
"Your father noticed and I explained what happened. I'm not sure if he was waiting for something like this, and by that I mean, an opening in my reaction to you, not what happened to Peter, but he sat me down to talk about you. He told me about how he met you and Peter. I didn't know about that until last night. He said he knew it would upset me. Your dad said you two looked happy and that Peter was nothing like I would expect. Seems like your father liked him quite a bit."
Jason smiled, remembering the visit. "Peter's a finance major. They talked about Dad's work and Peter impressed Dad with what he knew."
"He told me." She finally smiled. "I might be putting words in your father's mouth, but he has come to terms with this - you being gay - and while he might wish it were otherwise, he still loves you just as much as he always did. He told me all he wants is for you to be happy and from what he could tell, you and Peter are very happy."
"We are, I mean we were," Jason said. "The night of the attack, I told him about our conversation. He got really mad at me, because I told him I was considering going to the classes. I walked out and . . . and . . ."
He pinched his eyes shut to keep the tears away. Swallowing, he said, "And this happened when Peter came looking for me."
He never looked up, but could feel his mother's eyes on him. "Stupid me, left my phone at home so no one could call me. The worst part is, I was on my way back to his place to tell him I wouldn't go to the classes when this happened."
"Yes, the classes." Her word caused him to look up. "I spoke to Father O'Meare before driving down this morning."
"Oh?" Jason didn't want to hear what their parish priest back home had to say. So much for her changing.
"Surprisingly, he agrees with your father."
"Really?" Jason was stunned.
"Yes." She nodded. "He said that although the Church teaches homosexuality is a sin, he personally did not believe it was an acquired trait. In his opinion it was how you were born. From his experience, the ex-gay classes always made things worse. Those who were 'cured' never found true happiness, he said.
"I asked him what I should do. He told me I should never stop loving you and to accept you as you are. He also chided me for not coming to him first."
"Really?" Jason asked again.
"Not the answer I expected either. We prayed together before I left. When we were done, I felt better, I knew what I needed to do. Seeing Peter lying in that bed . . ." She dabbed her eyes with the napkin. "As terrible as this sounds, all I could think of, was how glad I was it wasn't you. I know how horrible that sounds, but it's how I felt. If I had any doubts about what I was doing, seeing Amanda sitting beside her son . . ."
She started to cry again. Jason got up to grab some more napkins. "Here, Mom."
"Thank you, dear." She took a moment to compose herself. "As I said, seeing Amanda, it was my worst nightmare come to life, only she was living it, not me. At that moment, I knew beyond any doubt I couldn't lose you. I may not like that you are gay, and by that I mean, I wish you weren't. But you're still the same little boy whose cuts I kissed to make better and who grew up to be a good man."
Jason swallowed again. "Damn lump in my throat won't go away," he joked to prevent himself from crying. "Thanks, Mom. You have no idea how much this means."
"I know dear," she assured him. Her expression changed, leaving Jason to wonder what was coming next. Apology aside, his mother's opinion of his sexuality wasn't likely to change anytime soon. Nor was she likely to forget how public that information was, especially after last night's new coverage.
"I wish I could take back how I treated you this past year, Jason. When I think about what I said and did to you, I'm embarrassed. I wasn't a very good person, much less a good mother. The day you told us, your father told me you needed our support, because this was bound to be hard for you. But I didn't listen to him. I was so caught up in how it affected me, how it would look, that I lost sight of my responsibility to you. I doubt you can ever forgive me for what I did, but I hope you will at least give me a chance."
Forgive her? He wanted to, but in no small part, she was as responsible for Peter's injuries as he was. Unintended though it might be, her insistence on those classes put him in the difficult position that lead to his and Peter's fight. Well, not really, it was his fault for not having the courage to stand up to her.
He hadn't intended for his silence to last this long, but he wasn't sure how to answer.
"Mom." He waited until she looked up. "What you did hurt me. I never asked to be gay, but you acted like it was my choice."
Barbara's lips grew thin and she looked down at the table. Seeing his mother's reaction, he realized he was going where he didn't want to go. He couldn't tell her the truth; if Peter didn't make it, he would never forgive her. Better to make things right with her while she was trying
"Sorry, mom, that came out wrong. We all make mistakes and I know you struggle with this too. I just want things to be like they were, when we were happy as a family."
"Always the good son." Her smile was thin, barely noticeable. "I wish I could say I'm completely fine with this, but I'm not. This is not the life I wanted for you, but I know this is the life you have. The problem is, that while my mind has accepted it, my heart is not there yet. That, however, is my problem not yours. We, your father and I, want you to be happy. Don't get mad at me if I'm not as good as Amanda is with it right away; it will probably take me a bit of time."
"I was prepared for you to never speak to me again," he said. "I won't be mad, but you have to realize, I love Peter. I can't pretend he doesn't exist, not even to make it easier for you. Ignoring his feelings is what caused him to get hurt. I won't do that again."
"It's okay, Jason, I understand. As I said, that is for me to work on. Your father's a big help. We'll get through it."
Jason checked his watch. "I kinda need to go. Coach gave me a little extra time, but we have a game tomorrow and he wants me at practice. Will you be here when I'm done?"
"Actually, your dad and Dean are coming down tonight after he gets done with practice."
He looked at her to be sure he heard right. "Tonight?"
"Yes. Your father suggested we have dinner together. He said we haven't been a real family for too long and we shouldn't wait another day to start again. Besides, your brother misses you. He's always asking when you're coming home."
"Yeah, that's my bad." Not really, it was really her fault, but he didn't want to destroy any hope of reconciliation. "I just thought it best if I stayed away. He still sends me texts and pictures from his games. Got one of his new girlfriend. She's pretty."
"She is sweet." His mother's smile seemed genuine for the first time. "Dean and your father should be here around dinner time."
"Are you going back tonight?"
"No, your father made hotel reservations. Though I'm certain Dean would rather stay with you than us." She laughed.
"Let me talk to Darryl at practice." He stood up, taking his half full bottle with him.
"I'm glad you and Darryl are still friends. We always liked him."
Jason smiled. "He's the best. Darryl will be fine with Dean staying with me."
"Your brother would like that, I'm sure."
When they reached the front entrance, Jason wanted to go back and say goodbye Peter and Mrs. G, but he didn't have the time.
"What are you going to do until Dad gets here?"
"I can stay with Amanda, for a time." She reached for his hand. "Don't worry about me, Jason. I'll be fine."
He almost flinched at her touch, but relaxed enough to squeeze her hand. "She may have gone home to rest. Peter's dad and stepmom might be there instead."
"Is that a problem?"
Jason shook his head. "Mr. Gregory's cool, but I never met his new wife. I know she and Amanda don't like each other, though I'm fairly certain they've never met."
"Sounds complicated."
"Kinda." Jason shrugged.
"Either way, I'll be fine."
"I'll check with you after practice. Dad might hit traffic so you may be waiting a while." He started to leave, but stopped himself. Leaning over he kissed her on the cheek.
Barbara patted his face and smiled. "Go, I don't want you to be late."
Smiling, he quickly walked to his car. It had been a long time since he felt comfortable being around his mother. He found he liked the feeling.