Second Chance, Chapter 45
Warning:
This story is copyrighted by the author known as David Lee and may not be reproduced in whole or in part without explicit permission.
This story contains descriptions of love and sexual fulfillment between people of the same gender. If possessing or reading this kind of material is illegal where you live, please leave this site at once.
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Chapter 45
Reese sat in the doctor's office at the public health clinic shaking his head as if to clear it. He was still reeling from the report he'd just been given.
"But this is impossible! I've always been careful. The only times I've had unprotected sex in the past two years have been with the guy who was my partner. I know he never strayed. I can't be positive!"
"I think, young man, that the best course of action is to keep a positive attitude and start a regimen of drugs that seem to ward off the effects. Look at Magic Johnson. He was diagnosed years ago and is still healthy and active. I realize that not everyone is so lucky, but there is hope. It's not an automatic death sentence anymore."
"This can't be happening. It's all a bad dream and I'm gonna wake up soon."
"Please talk to your personal physician. He or she may want to retest. False positives are rare, but possible. Also, get in touch with your former lover to see if he's had a similar diagnosis. There are support groups out there. Here is a list of some that you may wish to contact."
Reese left the office with the list in his pocket and lead in his stomach. He couldn't think. What could he do? He certainly couldn't go to the student clinic on campus and asked to be tested for HIV. The university would expel him for even having any reason to be tested. Damn!
"Hello," Blake answered the land line at the Brady/Larson home. "Reese, you have a lot of nerve calling me."
Rob who was sitting nearby him stiffened at the name.
"Oh my God! I'm so sorry... No, I'm clean. I've been tested twice by our doctor and both times it's been negative -- Rob too... Are you sure...? Then I don't see how it's possible unless you got a defective condom... Good luck, Man. Okay, goodbye."
"Reese tested positive for HIV and he wanted to warn us. Thank God we're safe. If I'd have stayed with him, I'd probably be facing the same bad news. I do feel sorry for him..."
"I do too," Rob said. "I can't forget that he tried to take you away from me, but I don't wish him that kind of punishment. I wish it weren't true."
The next thing that Reese did was to head for a gun shop that had the reputation of skirting the law. After some desperate bargaining, he was able to purchase a small revolver and a few bullets to fit it. He took them back to his apartment.
Lance, his latest roommate was waiting for him.
"Hey baby, where have you been? I finally gave up and ate without you. I'll heat up a plate and then I want to get fucked!"
"Lance, I got tested last week and got the results today. I'm HIV positive."
The room was so still you could have heard the proverbial pin drop. Then Lance went into the bedroom and began to pack up his things.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm going to Mom's. I'll get the rest of my things tomorrow. I don't want to see you again, so be out of here right after I call you."
"You should get tested too. You may have infected me for all I know. I've rarely bottomed for anyone but you..."
"I feel fine. I have no reason to get tested. I'm getting away from you so I won't!"
"I feel fine too. You can be infected without showing any symptoms."
After Lance left, Reese put one bullet into the revolver. He made sure the safety was off and gave the cylinder a spin. Then he prayed.
"God, I'm gonna give this a shot, if you'll pardon the pun. This is your chance to take me off the earth with no blame on your part. If I die, I hope you'll see clear to forgive me of all of my sins including taking my own life. If you choose to spare me, I promise I'll change. I'll be a new person. Anyway, right now I don't care. You choose."
Reese put the gun in his mouth pointed toward his brain so that it would do the most damage and bring instant death. Then he pulled the trigger. Everything went black.
"Do you think we should try to go over and cheer Reese up?" Rob asked. "I know I wanted to kill him when he tried to get back with you, but like I said I don't wish HIV on anyone. He may be a piece of work, but, I honestly do feel sorry for him."
"Rob, you're the sweetest guy I know. I'll bet there's not one in a hundred guys who would encourage their partner to do something nice for his ex. I guess that's part of why I love you so much. But I'm not even sure where he's living at the moment. I guess I could call back the number he called from. We couldn't very well drop in on him without any notice anyway."
Blake tried, but was sent immediately to the message box. Evidently Reese had turned his phone off. It was just as well because Blake wasn't sure what he would say anyway. He changed the subject to get their minds off of Reese's problem.
"Since we have free time, how about looking at the body painting I found on lifeout? Of course, I might be corrupting a minor..."
"Corrupt away! If what we've been doing hasn't ruined my morals, I don't think looking at naked guys with paint on their body parts is going to have any effect. Maybe Eric and Josh would like to see them too -- unless they're up in the studio corrupting each other again."
Blake clicked on http://www.lifeout.com/gallery/9f2XTC5Wwdza which was on his "favorites" list, and hit "enter". Immediately they were looking at the gallery in question. Rob loved it.
"I can imagine what the dragon looked like. These are great! That Garden of Eden scene is fantastic. But the kid with the designs all over is really gorgeous too."
"He's not half as cute as you are. I'd love to see you painted like that. Do you think Josh would do it?"
"He might. We'd have to get Eric's okay too. I wouldn't want to mess them up."
Rob went over to the speaking tube in the dining room and blew in the whistle.
"Yo," Eric replied.
"Are you guys busy doing something, or each other?" Rob snickered.
"No, we're done." Eric responded before he realized the implication of what he'd said.
"Please come down to see the body painting Blake found on the `net. I wonder if Josh would like to imitate some of these."
Reese awakened on the floor feeling groggy and sensing that he was bleeding. When he'd passed out, he'd hit his head on the corner of the coffee table. There wasn't much blood and the small wound had begun to clot already. He wondered how long he'd been unconscious.
"Well God, I guess I have my answer. I kinda wish you could have given it without knocking me out, but maybe I needed that in order to pay attention. I'm seriously gonna try to keep my promise. I know it's too late to undo what's done, but I can do better from here on out. I can't give up guys entirely, you know. But I'm not going after anyone who's got a boyfriend already and I'm gonna play safe. I'll settle down."
He warmed the plate of food that Lance had left in the fridge for him and ate it slowly. It tasted great and revived his spirits. By the time he'd had a cup of coffee, he felt almost human again.
Ben and Scott were fortunate in having Chuck and Rob as their new table companions. Dinners were pleasant from that time on. They all got along famously. Everyone was so compatible that they decided to continue to go as a foursome when sightseeing at the various ports of call.
On Martinique, they took a private guided tour in a Mercedes cab. Their driver was quite knowledgeable and showed them the rain forest as well as the little museum with the artifacts from the last volcanic eruption.
On St. Maarten, they took the bus tour, but all sat together in the large back seat. Again, it seemed more pleasurable when they could see the sights together and compare photographs later. They uploaded from each others' cameras so that their picture files were quite extensive.
In conversation over dinner one night, Ben and Scott found out that Chuck and Rob were renting in Minneapolis until they decided where they wanted to buy. This led to a discussion of historic homes in St. Paul. Of course Ben and Scott insisted that they must come see their house when they got home and settled again. It was a foregone conclusion that they would all remain friends.
Reese felt better the next day and managed to function pretty well at work, though he seemed a bit preoccupied. He had Friday off and was trying to decide what to do with his free time. Normally, he and Lance would have gone to a beach at a local lake to lie nearly naked in the sun when they had time off together. Now, that wasn't going to happen. Perhaps he'd go on his own. The thought of cruising the beach and looking at the eye-candy there was dampened by the notion that a deadly virus was coursing through his veins. He shook his head sadly.
His hair needed cutting, so he called the salon to see if Corray had time to give him a trim after work. He'd gone to Corray last month after others in the gay community recommended him.
Corray had planned to leave after his 4:30 appointment, but agreed to take Reese. Something in his voice gave Corray the feeling that he might need to talk to someone. Besides, it never hurt to build up a larger list of steady clientele. As he recalled, Reese was a handsome stud.
"Well, do you want it combed forward and spiked today?" Corray asked.
"Yeah, I think that might be just the thing to cheer me up."
"Honey, if I had your body and that killer smile, I'd go home, get naked, and look at myself in the mirror if I needed cheering up!"
"It's my body that's got me down." Reese replied.
"Don't tell me; you're on the verge of turning 21 and you're on the downward slope of your sexual peak." Corray giggled. "You no longer feel horny 25 hours a day."
"No, it's serious and I need to tell someone. Hairdressers are like bartenders, aren't they?"
"More like priests," Corray suggested. "We often hear confessions without telling anyone but God. And I'm sorry for being flippant."
"No need to be. I'm usually a smart-ass myself. Anyway, I got tested and it came back positive."
"Damn! That is a downer, but it's not the end of the world. Many guys live pretty well and enjoy life if they start treatment quickly enough."
"But I'm doomed to celibacy!"
"There are ways to have safer sex without infecting your partners. You just need to be honest so people can be prepared. I have several friends who are positive."
"And you've had sex with them?"
"Well no, I haven't."
"See!"
"That doesn't mean I wouldn't. They all happen to be in committed relationships. Besides, don't throw in the towel until you get a second opinion. It could be a false positive. I had one of those once and I nearly offed myself before I got tested again. I lost several friends during the time I thought I had HIV."
"I can empathize with that!"
"I'm out of here as soon as I finish with you. Do you have plans for dinner?"
"No, I hadn't thought about it."
"Follow me home, love, and I'll whip something up."
"Corray, I can't inflict my miserable ass on you..."
"What you can't do is be alone. I know that from experience. I won't take no for an answer. I have to clean up here and I'll meet you by the reflecting pool in about 10 minutes. Take this $20 and pick out a white wine at the shop on the way -- perhaps a Chardonnay. I assume you have something that claims your old enough to do that."
"Aye, aye, Sir!" Reese chuckled as he left.
"Mother told me always to keep cans of tomatoes and a box of spaghetti in the pantry in the winter and canned clams and linguini and veggies in the fridge in the summer in case of surprise company. I'll have to call her to tell her that it paid off. Oh, there's also a loaf of French bread in the freezer. Could you dig it out and put it in the oven at 250 for a few minutes to thaw. Dinner will be served in half an hour.
In the mean time, please uncork the wine. The opener's in the drawer left of the sink. There's an ice bucket on the third shelf of the pantry. Put enough ice in it to chill the wine a bit. We don't want it warm and it loses flavor if it's too cold."
Reese made himself useful helping with those chores and then set the table with the dishes and flatware that Corray had put out on the counter. The domestic quality of the scene reminded him of his life with Blake and brought a few small tears to his eyes. He had to remind himself that the past was gone, the future is unsure, and that only THIS moment existed. He thought of one of the songs from "Rent" with its refrain: "no day, but today".
As promised, Corray had a gourmet dinner on the table very quickly. There was fresh salad to eat along with the pasta and bread. Reese loved the taste of the clam sauce and asked about the recipe.
"It's not hard at all. I sauté fresh minced garlic in olive oil and add chopped celery, green onions, zucchini, and tomato chunks. Then I pour in a little white wine, one can of clams with the broth and the other one drained. A little parsley, salt, and pepper and it's ready to go; nothing to it really."
"It tastes awesome!"
"Thanks," Corray beamed.
It had been a long time since he'd had a man to cook for and he was enjoying every minute of it.
Reese helped clean up the kitchen and then the two retired to the living room to listen to music, but mostly to talk. Corray brought the rest of the wine and a couple of clean glasses.
Both guys were feeling pretty mellow when Reese announced around 10:30 that he'd better head home before he got too relaxed to care.
"Stay here tonight," Corray offered.
"I shouldn't."
"Why? You said you have tomorrow off. I do too. In fact I have the whole long weekend. Besides it's safer not to drive after having a few drinks."
"I'm positive, have you forgotten?"
"No one said anything about sex, stud."
"Sorry, I just thought..."
"That I was coming on to you? Do we know each other that well?"
"Well, I'm sure if you're like me and lots of other guys, you've ended up in bed with someone whose name you couldn't remember in the morning."
"Hmm, I don't know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult, but you're right of course. Tonight I'm trying to be a friend. I'm not trying to take advantage of you in a weak moment after plying you with wine. I'll share my bed with you, but not my body. We'll both keep our undies on."
"Oh, okay. I guess I can do that."
"Certainly you can! As I said earlier, you shouldn't be alone at a time like this."
Corray produced a spare toothbrush and the two got ready for bed. They climbed between the sheets of the double bed -- Corray on his back taking up half the space and Reese on his side clinging to the other edge as if afraid to make accidental contact.
"Come over here, I don't bite." Corray insisted.
"I thought you might not like to be close to someone with HIV."
"If I were afraid of you, I wouldn't have offered to share my bed. Now let me hold you."
Reese was soon settled with his head on Corray's shoulder, being held tenderly. The touch of another human being was what he craved so much at that moment and Corray was fulfilling his need in a gentle, compassionate way. Reese began to cry silently. At first it was a drop or two that splashed on Corray's smooth skin. In response, Corray kissed his forehead. That simple expression of caring unleashed a few more tears. Soon, it was like the "fountains of the deep" had been broken.
Corray pulled Reese halfway on top of himself and wrapped both arms around him, rubbing his back at times and kissing his stubbly cheek. Eventually, the flood abated and Reese's breathing slowed to a regular, peaceful rhythm.
Corray didn't want to awaken Reese, but had to move because his right arm was falling asleep. Reese stirred and turned on his side again. Corray snuggled up to his back.
"Goodnight sweet prince," he whispered.
Author's notes: I saw a source for young people in the Dear Abby column recently. It's called The Trevor Hotline (1 (866) 488-7386) and is available 24/7 nationwide in the US. There's more info at the website www.thetrevorproject.org. You might pass this on to a gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgendered teen who needs to talk to someone. It could save a life!
Thanks to those who have emailed since last posting: Harry T, John McD, Bill K, Cody D, Jim We, Chea, Carroll, Paul R, Rutabaga, Jim C, Vann, Tom A, and Chris B. Chris is writing a story about South Africa that my get posted on of these days. He's a good writer, so I hope he finishes it!
David