This is chapter twenty-two of my continuing story.
Okay, I'm good, but I'm not that good, so nobody have any massive coronaries because this chapter came out so soon. It just happened that the story was still flowing in my head, so I figured I'd get it down on "paper" and to you as soon as possible. That's the good news, here's the bad: Because of a key element in my next chapter, I cannot post until "Brian & Me" is finished. DLS would kill me if I gave too much away, but suffice it to say, I should have the new installment written by the time he's ready, and it will be up soon after. In other words, I normally say it's his fault, but next time it really will be :) SHMILY, sweetie :)
I've loved the feedback (a.k.a. hate mail grin) on the last chapter already. Rest assured, if you email me, I'm not telling you a damn thing :)
Find out when everybody else in the world (except one) finds out :) At least last time, I was the one getting death threats. Now they've extended to poor JC :) Guess you'll just have to keep reading to find out just how much of a slime he really is :)
Oh, well, enough of that grin. Thanks to all of you. You inspire and improve me, and I couldn't do it without each and every one of you, whether you're one of my readers, my friends, my "kids" (hey, boys), or any combination thereof, each and everyone of you keeps it enjoyable for me, and for that, once again, I thank you.
Oh, and of course, the same rules apply to reading this (refer to chapters, I don't know, one through twenty-one).
BTW, in case you missed it before, I do have a website. It's matthewnhunter.homepage.com and it's pretty much the same as last time for those who did see it, but I promise, one day I'll do more with it. Take a look and tell me what you think (definitely check out DLS' homepage and Meri's *NSYNC Odds 'N Ends page in my links section).
A special shout-out always goes to my dearest friend, DLS, who's listened to me bitch and moan about times I shouldn't have expected anyone to stick with me. Through it all, he's been one of my greatest strengths. I love you, sweetie.
Lastly, my love to Joshua. I'm here for you, as always.
I stood there staring at the letter for what seemed like hours, though I was certain that it had only been a few minutes. I just sat there, completely devoid of any kind of rational attempt at the best course of action to take. The person I would have talked to about something bothering me this much in these last months was suddenly the root of the problem.
I tried to call Kathy, but the line was busy. It was probably for the best anyway. The girls were with her, and I didn't relish them seeing me this way or having to tell them about JC. Finally, my head cleared enough to dial a number.
"Hello?" the voice answered on the other end.
"Lea, is Nicky or Andy around?"
"Hey, Matt, yeah, just a sec," she cheerfully answered as I heard her pass the phone to someone else.
"Hey, cuz," Drew's voice greeted. "How was Hawaii?"
"I...he...we...," I stammered.
"Matt, are you okay?" he asked, the concern readily apparent.
"Yes...no...I don't know."
"Is it you? Is it JC?"
"Yes...sort of...he...I...," I struggled, suddenly finding myself very unable to convey my thoughts. I could hear the phone being passed once again.
"Matt?" Nick asked. "What's going on?"
"He's gone, Nicky," I answered succinctly.
"We'll be on the next plane down there," was all he said before the dial tone reappeared.
I sat there, teetering on the edge of the couch, with the phone in my hand, staring blankly at the ring suspended from the doorknob. I hadn't even had the presence of mind to turn off the phone. I sat that way for hours. About four hours later, Nick, Jessica, Drew, and Lea came in the front door.
I was glad that the boys both had a key, because I wasn't absolutely certain that I could have made it to the door to open it.
Jessica took the phone from me as the guys flanked me on either side. Lea went into the kitchen to fix us all something to eat. "What happened?" I heard Nick repeat himself. All I could do was hand him the letter.
Lea came in with a plate full of sandwiches about the time Nick finished reading the letter. "That son of a bitch! I'll kill him!" His abrupt outburst startled Lea and sent slices of bread and meat hurtling to the floor. I couldn't even formulate the words to tell him to calm down. I just sat there while Drew took the letter.
Jessica helped Lea clean up the mess, and both of them went into the kitchen for round two. Drew finished reading the letter and looked at me with a confused look. "We've known these guys a long time, and that doesn't sound like the JC I know."
"Well, nobody held him at gunpoint and made him write that shit, that's for damn sure," Nick yelled.
"Nicky, will you call Kathy and ask her to keep the girls a while longer?" I finally managed, regaining some semblance of coherence.
"Of course," he smiled at me sympathetically.
"I'll live, you know," I managed to almost grin at him.
"Of that, I've never had any doubts," he told me in that reassuring way of his. He leaned over and kissed my forehead and pulled me into his shoulder as he handed to phone to Drew. I heard Drew talking to Kathy, but the words weren't really even registering. I could feel my mental exhaustion setting in, and with my tear-streaked face buried against Nick's chest, I slowly fell asleep. I had a vague recollection of Nick picking me up and carrying me to the bedroom.
I woke up sometime in the middle of the night, and Nick was still laying right beside me--fast asleep but bolt upright, his back against the headboard. Looking across the room, I saw Drew sitting in the rocking chair with his feet propped up on the bed. Smiling to myself, I'm sure the girls weren't thrilled with the sleeping arrangements.
I pulled the comforter up around Nick as best I could without waking him, and as quietly as I could, I got up and went to the closet. I pulled out our great-grandmother's afghan and spread it across Drew. I kissed both of their foreheads and walked into the kitchen. Grabbing a beer, I headed for the patio, pausing to grab a blanket from the back of the couch.
I curled up in the swing and stared up into the winter sky. Eventually, I forced myself to dial JC's cell number. I didn't think he would have it on, but I wanted to hear his voice in his voicemail. I was speechless when I heard his voice. "Hello?"
I couldn't find the words. Hell, I couldn't find any words. Luckily, he did most of the talking. "Matt? Is that you?" I could hear the tears in his voice. "I'm sorry." With that apology, he left my world once more.
Looking up, I saw Jessica standing in the doorway. Her housecoat wrapped around her tightly, she shuddered at the chilling winds that screamed through the night. Her soft eyes expressed an untold sympathy, and she sat down on the swing with me. "I'm sorry, Matt."
"There seems to be a lot of that going around," I almost spat. "Sorry, Jess."
"No apologies necessary," she smiled.
"For one of us, anyway," I whispered in a barely audible tone.
"I know I'm not Nick," she began, "but if there's anything I can do...."
"Thanks, Jess," I told her genuinely. "Go on in and get some sleep. It's hours before sunup."
"Will you be okay?"
I just smiled. "Aren't I always?"
She seemed very disconcerted by that answer, and I couldn't say that I blamed her, but a reassuring look from me convinced her that I'd be fine. Ultimately, even I knew I would be, but at that exact moment, I was hardly convinced. As a result, I just sat there, staring at the stars until the first light of dawn appeared over the horizon.
I was barely aware of it when Nick came outside. He was shirtless, and his pajama bottoms weren't doing much to neutralize the biting cold. He rubbed his upper arms as the hair on his forearm stood on end. "How long have you been out here?"
"I don't know," I answered him. Seeing his visible discomfort, I chuckled.
"Get inside before you catch your death of cold."
"Only if you're coming with me," he grinned.
"I want to stay out here a while longer," I responded vacantly, looking away from him.
"I'm big enough to pick you up and make you," he laughed.
"Yeah," I smiled, "but my legs still work, and I'll just come out here again."
"Okay, then, it'll be on your head when I catch pneumonia," he declared smugly sitting cross-legged on the cold deck surface.
"That's dirty," I grinned.
"But did it work?"
"Yeah," I sighed. "Let's go inside."
I shut the sliding glass door behind me. "Morning," I heard Lea greet. She'd apparently been up a while, because I was also greeted by the smells of a home-cooked breakfast. Scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, hash browns, pancakes, milk, coffee, and freshly squeezed orange juice were laid out on the table in a very casual way. Drew came out of the kitchen with plates and silverware in hand. He nearly dropped one when it got snagged on one of the buttons of his open shirt, but Nick caught it almost absentmindedly.
"She's a keeper, Andy," I giggled. "Maybe she can fatten you up a bit."
He just smiled and walked up behind her, planting a kiss on her neck. "Yeah, that's why I keep her around." Lea just rolled her eyes with a smile and continued with what she was doing.
"Morning, everyone," Jess smiled as she came in. Nick stepped behind her and wrapped his arms around here. I was still amused by that sight, considering how petite she was. She seemed to be swallowed by him. He planted a kiss on her cheek, and she reached behind her and stroked his cheek before we all sat down to breakfast.
Breakfast was, to say the least, awkward. Nobody really seemed to know what the say. More used to me than the girls, both of the guys were at least making an attempt at small talk. I just sat there idly dragging my fork through the eggs. Realizing that my mind was elsewhere, even Nick and Drew yielded any attempts at maintaining a conversation.
I had finally just pushed my plate away, and Lea and Jess were clearing the tables. I looked up to see the guys just staring at me, trying to figure out something to say or do for me. I just smiled weakly at them and turned away from their gazes, instead looking out the door into the backyard. My vacant stare held my attentions so completely that I barely heard a knock at the door. I turned around just in time to see Jeff entering, with an infant using her entire grip to hold onto his first and second fingers as she struggled to overcome the seemingly impossible heights of the doorstep.
Even in my current frame of mind, I had to smile. Walking over to them, I picked up Alyssa in my arms. I leaned over and gave Jeff a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks for coming," I smiled at him.
Instead of protesting, he simply nodded. Looking at the dark-haired beauty in my arms. "So this is the little lady who saved my life?" I grinned.
Jeff proudly reached over and brushed down her hair with his fingers. "She saves mine on a daily basis," he countered, almost completely unaware that he'd even said it aloud.
Freeing one of my arms, I wrapped it around him. "You guys are incredible, you know. All of you." Pausing for a moment, I completed my thoughts. "I'm glad you all came."
Nick smiled and placed an arm on my shoulder. He extended a finger in Alyssa's general direction, and it was readily apparent that she knew him well. She cooed and grinned broadly as she latched onto him. Smiling, I realized I took second billing in this scenario, so I passed her to my cousin, who accepted her gladly. Looking over my shoulder, I could see Drew playing peek-a-boo with her. I hadn't seen him do that since the girls were younger.
"You want some breakfast, Jeff? Lea fixed plenty this morning," Jess offered.
"No thanks," he answered. "We ate on the plane." Watching his daughter and the other guys, he amended, "Okay, actually, I ate. She conned the flight attendant into giving her cookies."
"One year old, and she's already wrapping people around her fingers. I smell trouble, Dad," Lea chuckled at him.
"Don't I know it," he laughed. "She'll do something she knows she's not supposed to, and all she has to do is look up at me with those big eyes and that pouty bottom lip, and I melt. The worst part is that she knows it, too."
"Not good, somebody with looks who knows how to use them," I grinned. "Thank God you're so clueless."
He rolled his eyes at me. "I love you, too."
"I know," I smiled.
"Good," he said, suddenly very serious. He took my hand and led me into the study. Dropping us both onto the leather couch. "Now what happened? Nick didn't go into many details."
Inhaling deeply, I exhaled in slow, steady breaths. "He's gone, Jeff."
"JC's gone?" he asked, wanting clarification.
I could only nod. Motioning for him to wait there for a moment, I stepped back into the den to retrieve the letter. I passed it to him, returning to my seat on the couch, propping my hands into a pensive pose as I waited for his assessment of the situation.
"That's it?" he finally asked.
"Yeah."
"No explanations? No nothing?"
I shook my head. "His explanation is in there. I'm interfering in his life, so he's gonna go on without me."
"Matt, I don't buy this. I saw him when you were sick."
"I know, Jeff, but he said it himself--even he thought he was in love with me, but he realized that he doesn't love me enough to stay." Jeff just shook his head and hugged me. I just laughed for some inane reason. "I'll be fine, Jeff."
"I know," he smiled. "I just wish that for once you didn't have to be just fine."
The veracity of his words struck a chord deep within me. Fortunately, I didn't have to ponder it long, when I heard my cell phone ringing in the den. Excusing myself, I was relieved to have an excuse to not respond to his statement. Grabbing the phone, I flipped it open.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Matt!" I heard Curly greet. "What's up?"
"What's up?" I repeated incredulously.
"What'd I miss?" he asked, very conscious of the distress in my tone.
"Ask your friend," I retorted venomously.
"Um, okay," he responded warily. "Is he around?"
Holding my hands up in defiance, I shut my eyes and sighed, tossing the phone onto the couch. Drew picked it up and began talking. "Justin? Hey, it's Drew. Listen, I think more has happened here than you know about." His voice trailed off as he went into the study to talk.
With an exasperated growl, I threw myself onto the couch, resting my chin against my fist. Nick just looked on helplessly as he bounced Alyssa on his knees. Jess walked behind him and rested her hands on his shoulders. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lea disappear in the study.
After a few minutes, Jeff came out. He lifted his now sleeping daughter into his arms and cradled her against his chest before sitting beside me. "What are you doing here, Jeff?" I asked him. "I appreciate the gesture, but you dragged your daughter onto the red-eye to come here on a moment's notice. You can't come to my rescue all the time anymore. You have a family to think about now."
"I thought I . . . ," he smiled as he brushed Alyssa's chin with the tip of his forefinger. "I thought we made it clear to you several months ago. You are family. Besides, I wanted you to meet her. Mom," he smiled, "had to work, or she would have come too. We just took some time off at Christmas to see her family, so it'll be a bit before she's got the vacation time built up. She's only been back at work about six months after all."
"Speaking of which," Nick cut in, "I couldn't get hold of Justin. He went on a ski trip with his family, and all I'm getting is his voicemail. He probably left the phone in the room. I'm sure we'll here from him tonight."
"Nick, that's sweet, but not necessary," I told him. Before I even had a chance to choke back the words, I added, "It's not like it's the first time." I regretted it instantly, because the look that now seemed chiseled on Nick's face was beyond description. Knowing him as well as I do, he wanted more than anything to take away my pain, and that reminder betrayed to him exactly what I was feeling.
He started to get up, but I just shook my head. Tears began to well in both of our eyes. He took Jessica's hand in his own and kissed the back of it. She walked around the chair and sat in his lap, pressing her forehead against his. Nick was always my rock, and I hated to see him this upset, particularly over me. I almost jumped to my feet, but before I could take a single step, Drew blocked my path, the phone resting in his outstretched hand.
"Talk to him."
"No," I replied succinctly.
"Matt," Drew scolded, "whatever it is that JC has or hasn't done, Justin's not to blame. He's concerned about you, so please talk to him."
"No," I repeated.
"Please," he reiterated. "For me?"
I just rolled my eyes at the mischievous look in his eyes that said he not only had me, but he knew it as well. "I hate you," I laughed.
"One of my many endearing qualities," he grinned.
Shaking my head, I took the phone and stepped out onto the deck, not bothering to close the door behind me because I knew that one or more people would soon follow. "Hey, Curly."
"Matt," he began, his voice wavering in distress, "I don't even know where to begin. I'm so sorry. I didn't know."
"Thanks," I mustered.
"I'm going to find out what caused him to lose his mind, and if the answer's not damn good, I'm going to kill him."
I almost smiled at his efforts to add levity, but I just told him, "No, Justin. He's made his decision, and as much as it kills me, we all have to live with it."
"Do you want me to come down there? I can come stay with my grandparents," he offered.
"No, Curly, but thanks. Just check on him for me. Make sure he's okay."
"Why do you care?" he asked me in utter confusion.
"Because I love him," I answered. "God help me, but I still do. Whatever else, I want him to be happy. He'll always be a part of me, and as livid as I am at him right now, I'd be lying to myself if I tried to convince anyone otherwise."
"Matt, you're incredible. You know that?"
I smiled and shook my head. "I'm only as good as the company I keep. All of you guys have done a wonder keeping me as sane as I am. I appreciate it, Curly, but you enjoy your vacation and check on Josh for me."
"If you're sure . . . ," he reluctantly agreed.
"I am. Thanks again." I wiped an errant tear from my cheek as used my other hand to close the phone. Turning around, I was hardly surprised to see Nick, Drew, and Jeff standing in the doorway, watching on in concern. When they realized I saw them, they each made feeble attempts at acting like they weren't eavesdropping, bringing a smile to my face.
Nick, however, made no effort as such a ploy. He barred my way back into the house. "Why do you care?" he asked, his anger well evident on his face.
"The bastard abandoned you, and if hadn't told me not to, I'd be tracking his ass down right now and using his testicles as golf balls."
I just leaned my head forward into his chest and laughed, throwing him off guard and forcing him to laugh as well. "Your handicap sucks," I chuckled. "I doubt you could hit them with a five-iron."
He mussed my hair. "I thought I was supposed to be cheering you up."
"Take a look," I smiled at him. "You're doing a damn fine job."
He rolled his eyes and sighed in frustration, stepping aside and motioning for me to come in.
We spent most of the afternoon taking down the Christmas tree. In all the commotion, I'd really forgotten that it was still up. Of course, that had a lot to do with the fact that it hadn't been up long at all. I laughed when I saw Alyssa crawling around in one of the big boxes I stored decorations in. She had a bow stuck on her butt and one of the girl's stockings over her head. The light-hearted tone was much needed, and the entire room broke up with that one. Jeff was barely able to stop laughing long enough to snap a picture.
Things slowly returned to a semblance of normalcy after that. Jeff and Drew were in the study kicking around something on the piano, Jess and Lea were sitting in the floor playing cards--canasta, from my estimates, and Nick was on the couch watching television, with Alyssa laying against him. I would occasionally catch Jessica stealing glances of Nick and Alyssa together, and I could tell she was thinking the same thing I had known about him for years, that he would be an excellent father.
Smiling at her, I reached behind Nick and grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch. I spread it over he and Alyssa's sleeping forms before going in to check on Drew and Jeff. When I walked in, they barely acknowledged my entrance, both of them lost in thought. I'd seen that look a few times before. They were lost in the creative process, and it sounded like the song was coming together nicely.
"I wrote a letter yesterday," Drew began, "just trying to explain. Couldn't find the words to say, because you are so far away, so far away. I wrote a letter yesterday. It's so hard for me to face that it had to end this way, but my love will never change, will never change."
I could hear the last few days' events echo in their words, no doubt where they drew some of the material, but I remembered them working on this song before. They and two other writers had gotten stuck on it, and it wound up being scrapped before their last album came out. It sounded as though they had gotten past their writer's block.
Then Jeff continued, "When I search my soul to find the truth about the love we shared, I wonder why you're no longer here."
I felt Nick's hands on my shoulders behind me. I had obviously not been as careful not to wake him up as I had hoped. He joined in with the others on the chorus, "You can just walk away, but I don't feel the same. My heart still beats for you, breaks for you, sinks for you, and those feelings will never fade. I can't hide my pain. I can never hide the way I feel for you."
Drew and Jeff faded into the harmonies as Nick continued, "I've been talking in my sleep about the way it used to be. Girl, I pray that you hear me, and then I'll see you in my dreams, oh, in my dreams."
Jeff chimed in as Nick's voice faded into obscurity, "Well, I can't forget the words you said to pull away from my life, and no matter what I'll carry you inside." Looking up, he gave me a weak smile, "I'm sorry, Matt. Drew and I were just playing around with the piano, and we finally found a bridge to get through the lull."
"We heard," Nick told him in a fairly unyielding voice. Jeff's head fell a bit as he apologized again.
"Guys," I almost laughed, "don't walk on eggshells around me. It's a good song, and well, if something good comes out of this mess, all the better."
"Thanks," Drew said rather sheepishly. "Of course, it would sound better if Justin were here to harmonize with us."
From behind me, I heard a voice answer, "Does it have to be someone in particular, or can anyone named Justin apply?" Spinning on my heels, I saw Curly standing there, a hastily packed suitcase resting on the floor beside him.
I just shook my head, fairly unsurprised by his sudden appearance. I just walked over to his arms and hugged him. "What in the hell are you doing here? I told you not to come."
"Since when have I ever listened?" he laughed. Becoming a bit more morose, he added, "Besides, I tried to do what you asked, and he wouldn't talk to me."
"Hey, Curly," Nick and Drew said in near-unison.
"Hey, guys." Turning on one heel to shield our conversation from them, Justin continued, "I don't know what's going on, Matt. He told me he didn't want to discuss it with me and hung up. After telling Heather what was going on, she said that he was locked up in his old bedroom with the radio on so loud that he couldn't hear anyone talking to him. Tyler had similar results."
"He's probably just feeling guilty," Nick added over my shoulder. Justin weakly smiled and nodded.
"I'm sure Bobbie can help him get past that," I hurled, instantly regretting my pettiness.
"You're kidding, right?" Justin asked me.
"What do you mean?"
"She went back to California after we left Hawaii. I had Britney call her so it wouldn't look like I was prying--which I was. Bobbie hasn't talked to him since before we left."
"This makes no sense," Drew added.
"I'm sure he'll be fine. He's got you guys," I told Justin. "If he wants to rededicate himself to his career, you all the only ones he needs for that."
"I'm not buying that, Matt," Justin told me. "He's shutting himself off. Unfortunately, the general consensus suggests that's probably a good thing. Lance said he isn't going to speak to him, and Joey and Chris want to kick his ass."
"See?" Nick raised an eyebrow. "I'm not the only one."
"Hardly," Justin commented nonchalantly. "I'll find out what's going on, but I can't do that until he'll let me. I figured I might be a little more useful here."
Forcing myself to smile, "Thanks, Curly. I'm glad you're here. Come on in and sit down."
Drew grabbed his suitcase. "Where should I put this?" I realized his curiosity. Nick and Jess were in one room, he and Lea in another, and Jeff and Alyssa would share another. I told him to set it in my room and we'd figure it out later.
Walking into the living room, I saw Alyssa spellbound by some Disney cartoon playing on the DVD player. My questioning look gave me away, because Jeff just smiled and pointed to a carry-on with everything in the world an eleven-month-old could possibly need, including movies stuffed in all the side compartments. Returning his grin, I dropped down on the carpet behind Alyssa and stroked her hair with my fingers. It had been so long since the girls were that young, it seemed like another life ago.
Everyone else sat as well, and we talked well into the night about everything from JC and I to songwriting to Jessica's mom's cooking. "We're gonna have to go tomorrow," Jeff told me with regret. "We have an appearance to make day after tomorrow."
"Unless you want us to stay," Nick quickly added.
"No, I'm fine," I told him. "I will be fine. I appreciate the offer, but you all have babysat me enough. I'm gonna go get the girls from Kathy in the morning before you go so they can see you, then I'm gonna call the State Board of Nursing and see about getting my license reactivated. He's moving on with his life. It's time I did the same."
"Okay," Drew said, more to break the awkward silence than anything else. "It's late, and I'm gonna get some sleep. We'll see you all in the morning."
"Goodnight, everyone," Lea amended as she took his hand and followed him down the hall.
Jessica wrapped both of her hands around Nick's biceps. "Matt, are you sure you're okay?" she asked. "I don't mind staying up a little later if you need to talk."
"No, go ahead," I smiled.
"Sure?" Nick questioned, for one more affirmation.
"Sure," I told him. "Now go to bed."
He nodded and rested his hand on my shoulder as the two of them passed my chair. Jessica leaned over and hugged me, pausing to kiss my cheek before they took their leave.
"Sleep sounds like a good idea to me, too," Jeff smiled. He stood and reached for Alyssa.
"Jeff? Would you mind if she stayed out here with me a while longer? She's sound asleep and I don't want to disturb her. Besides, it's nice having my little guardian angel here."
"No problem," he smiled. "Somehow, I'm guessing Kathy's baby is going to be spoiled."
"Rotten," I grinned.
Jeff patted my shoulder as he disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Justin, Alyssa, and I. Justin just sat there, one knee cocked against his chest, staring at me.
"See something you like?" I laughed.
He just giggled. "Just trying to see how much of all this is a front."
"Most of it," I confessed. "I will be fine, but at the moment, I'm pretty devastated."
"With good reason, I'd say." He crawled onto the carpet beside me and propped his head on one of his hands. "If he wasn't my best friend, I'd kill him myself, but Matt, I'm convinced that there's something else going on."
"Like what, Curly? He made himself fairly clear. He just doesn't feel the same for me anymore."
"Bullshit," he growled. "I saw him."
"So did I, Justin. Do you remember a little place called Hawaii?"
"That has nothing to do with it," he smirked.
"Can you really be so sure?"
"Yes, something happened from the time we left until the time he left."
"Yeah," I growled back at him. "Pardon my crudeness, but we made love a few times. That's it, and unless I've been doing it wrong up until now, I really don't see why that would drive him off."
"You know what I mean," he said weakly.
"I know what you're trying to say, but let's face it, this isn't some murder mystery. There's no great question why he left. He made that abundantly clear."
He started to say something else, but I just shook my head in protest. "I'll see you in the morning. You take my bed. I'm gonna stay out here with her a while longer."
He fought every instinct to object, but he finally gave in and disappeared to the bedroom. I picked Alyssa up in my arms and she and I both fell asleep in the rocking chair.
The next morning, I was awakened by the Alyssa's screams. It took only a split second to register that they were the ecstatic screams of a child who hadn't mastered enough language to convey her feelings any other way. A secondary assessment revealed that she wasn't lying against me anymore. Hardly a surprise, considering it was light outside, and most children don't follow a nice normal sleep schedule.
Looking towards the television, I saw the Caitlin and Colleen playing with Alyssa in the floor, the elders' ages suddenly not quite so discernible. I laughed at their antics, and that was enough to draw all of their attentions. The twins almost pounced on me.
"Dad, we're so sorry," Colleen offered.
"Can't you just talk to him," Caitlin suggested. "Maybe you guys get past whatever's going on."
Kissing Colleen's hugging arm and reaching back to stroke Caitlin's hair with my other hand, I tried to smile. "Sweetie, I don't know what's going on, so I don't know how to fix it. JC and I just don't see eye to eye anymore."
"Why don't you girls take Alyssa out to see her Dad? Jeff's in the backyard with your cousins," I heard Kathy suggest as she looked coolly over the edge of her coffee cup.
"Hey, Kathy," I smiled, rolling forward onto the floor to straighten out.
"You know I want to kill him, right?" she asked with a feigned disinterest.
"Yeah," I confessed, "I do. Join the club."
"Has the thought ever occurred to you that maybe he needs some sense knocked into him?" she asked, distracted by the emergence of Alyssa, who intently stared at Kathy's unfamiliar face.
"That's not the answer," I said simply, folding my arms behind my head.
"Then what is the answer?"
"Hell if I know," I chuckled. "I wish somebody would give it to me so everyone would quit asking me for it."
She stepped across me and extended a hand towards me. Taking it, I was pulled to a sitting position, and Kathy sat against the couch beside me. "What can I do?"
"Just what you're doing," I told her.
"That doesn't feel like much."
"It's more than you know." I quickly added, "It's more than any of you know." She just smiled weakly and drooped her forehead against my shoulder.
The phone rang, so I jumped up to get it. Kathy's size prevented a similar rapid response of her own, so she went into pout mode. Rolling my eyes, I crossed my arms before her so I could help her stand. Once she was on her feet, I grinned and pushed her onto the couch, earning myself several explicatives that just sound amusing coming out of the mouth of a pregnant woman.
I ignored her antics and grabbed the phone in the kitchen. It was Justin (Jeffre), calling to apologize for not getting the message sooner. We went through several rounds of "Really, I'm fine," before I had him halfway convinced. I could hear him sulking that he hadn't gotten to come, but with the other guys flying out tonight, it was hardly practical.
I sat there trying to get him off the phone so that I wouldn't have to keep rehashing this, but his genuine concern made it hard to cut him short. Luckily, Drew came in to grab a beer, and when he did, I shoved the phone in his hand and stole the beer for myself. I walked past Kathy to the patio door, watching everyone's antics in the backyard.
I saw Jeff lean down and whisper something into Alyssa's ear, and he sent her off with a pat on the behind towards me. She took off running in that awkward way that kids do, and I laughed when she tried to surmount the steps of the deck, falling on her heavily diaper-padded butt. It was remarkable she moved as well as she did. Most other kids her age still had to brace themselves against something to stand.
Alyssa motioned me down and grabbed my nose. "Foo-ball...Daddy...now!" she demanded. I just giggled and lifted her into my arms. Looking out at Jeff, I laughed some more. "What in the world are you babbling about?" I yelled at him.
He grinned broadly and jogged casually towards us. "She said it rather plainly. Come play `foo-ball' with Daddy now."
"You're insane," I chided.
"Scared?" he taunted.
"Hardly," I smiled. "Though I haven't played in years."
"Probably since the last time we played," he guessed.
"Good guess," I commented.
"Not really a guess," he smiled. "I know you. You're too busy being an adult most of the time to have fun." He reached over, patted my stomach, and took my beer, taking a sip of his own. "Besides, you need to work off that beer-gut."
"Beer-gut, huh?" I smirked with one eyebrow raised in its typical sardonic fashion. I turned to Alyssa, who still rested comfortably in my arms. "I think Daddy needs a spanking. What do you think?"
She smiled an impossibly huge smile and nodded her head vehemently. Jeff's jaw dropped. "I can't believe you'd turn my own child against me," he teased me. "And you," he growled playfully at Alyssa, "I can't believe you want Daddy to get a spanking."
"You heard the lady," I told him, and before he had time to react, I leaned forward and scooped him over my free shoulder, almost dropping him on his ass as I tried to shift my center of balance to accommodate.
Alyssa cooed gleefully as she "paddled" him. "Hey!" I shouted to the others. "Anybody else have anything they want to get back at him for?"
"The possibilities are endless," Nick laughed.
"I try to have a little fun with you, and this is the thanks I get," he laughed as he tumbled over my shoulder.
"Fortunately for you, Kathy's already attested to the contrary, or I'd definitely be using the `little' remark against you."
"You wouldn't," he protested before smiling, "Yeah, you would."
"So? Touch `foo-ball' it is," Nick mimicked. "What are the teams?"
"Who's playing?" Drew asked as he joined us.
"I want to play," Jess smiled.
"Oh, boy, the girls are playing," Justin laughed from his spot on the swing.
I just smiled evilly. "Okay, Curly said he's playing." He mouthed the word "bitch" at me.
Drew gave Lea puppy-dog eyes, and she sighed, smiling a "yes" in his direction.
"We're cheerleaders," the twins said in unison, most likely remembering the mud baths both of them had suffered the last time we all played football.
"Should we split up the girls to try to balance this?" Nick offered, instantly earning an elbow in the gut from Jessica. "Oh, honey," he schmoozed, "I just didn't think it was fair to put that much natural ability on one team. Us guys wouldn't have a chance."
"Did you buy a word of that?" Lea grinned at her.
"Not a one," Jess smirked.
Coming to my cousin's defense, I stepped in front of him and tossed my free arm over his shoulders. "But he has to get an `A' for effort, at least."
"More like a `P' for pathetic," Drew offered, his fraternal instincts being tossed aside in favor of the scent of blood in the water.
"How bout this?" I suggested. "We can leave both sets of lovebirds together. I'll take Justin and Jeff."
"Sounds fair to me," Justin smiled.
"Uh-huh," Nick muttered. "I'm sure." That got him another belt in the stomach from Jess.
"What about the pregosaur?" Jeff grinned.
"The pregosaur is just fine, thank you," Kathy yelled from her spot on the couch.
"I think you guys are at a severe disadvantage," Drew grinned. "I think maybe Alyssa might help you out."
I smiled at her. "You know? I think you're right."
We all took our places, and I snapped the ball to Justin. His fancy footwork kept both Jessica and Lea at bay while Nick covered me. Jeff sprung over Drew, and Justin seized the opportunity to spiral the ball into the open arms, earning us a quick touchdown.
Lea snapped the ball to Drew, who threw it to Jessica. Nick wasn't able to block both Jeff and I, so when he wove in front of me, Jeff took the opening, grabbing a running Alyssa from the sidelines and holding her in his outstretched arms so that she could tag Jessica.
Justin snapped the ball to Jeff, who passed it to Alyssa, who gleefully ran the wrong way. With some coaching from Dad and the twins, she turned the right direction, and all three of us made a wall of defense in front of her.
Justin shoved Drew back, Jeff grabbed both of the girls around the waist, and I leaned into Nick's charge, grabbing his upper legs and picking him up.
After two or three more side-treks, Alyssa managed to make it into the special "in-zone" we declared for her.
"The kid's a natural," I laughed, using the shirt I had pulled off earlier to wipe the sweat from my brow.
"I'd say she's got more talent than the rest of you," a female voice said from inside the house. It took a minute to register that it wasn't Kathy who'd spoken.
I tried desperately not to lose the smile from my face, but it defied me, taking the same course of action as my now turned stomach, knotting up against my revulsion. All I could manage was "Hello, Gail."
"Hello, Matthew," she curtly replied.
I could hear Curly behind me, "Who is Gail?"
When the twins saw her, they ran towards her, ecstatically screaming, "AUNT GAIL!"
"Never mind," Justin amended.
"Gail is Matt's sister-in-law," Drew explained. "She's Ashley's older sister."
I had barely noticed that Kathy had walked outside and now stood beside me.
"So, the ice queen cometh."
"I take it there's a bad history here I'm not privy to," Justin deduced.
"Besides the obvious," Nick answered him, leaning over to pick up Alyssa, "that she's always hated Matt's guts, and the feeling's mutual."
"Then what's she doing here?" Justin asked.
"Good question," I bit. "What are you doing here, Gail? Don't you and that pit viper husband of yours have small animals to sacrifice somewhere else?"
"Very amusing," she sneered. "I came to see my girls."
"Girls," I suggested, "why don't you go get us some drinks?"
"I don't want anything," Gail maliciously smiled.
"Well, I do," I countered. "Get the rest of us something to drink."
"Okay," Colleen replied with exaggerated effort, aware of the tension that had manifested. She grabbed Caitlin, still gaping, into the house.
"First off," I began, "let's get one thing straight. They're my girls."
"They are my sister's children."
"That's awfully convenient when it suits you. That might have made a flying fuck's difference to me after Ashley died, but you were too busy with your decadent lifestyle to dirty your hands with me or my children. What do you want, Gail?"
"I don't want anything from you," she spat.
"That's funny," I honestly did almost laugh. "Especially considering that since your folks died and you got the money I gave to them, you've turned up on the society page almost as much as you've turned up in strange men's beds."
Looks of total shock gripped everyone's faces. Gail just laughed. "Some things never change, do they?"
"You tell me. Only you and your plastic surgeon know the truth."
"Ah, yes. The name-calling continues," she grinned. "And here I thought I could come here and have a discussion with a real man."
"Don't you dare try to make me the bad guy, you pretentious bitch. Considering you called your own sister `a fucking whore,' I suddenly don't feel the need to take the moral high ground with you. Besides, the only real man around here is you, because you've got some balls of steel showing up here."
"I go where I please, particularly where my nieces are concerned."
"Awfully upright of you, considering you've seen them exactly twice since their births, the occasion of both being the funeral of one of your parents.
And exactly why is it that your parents would hear from me on a weekly basis, but you were persona non gratis for six years until you got arrested and thrown into prison for basically being town drunk and town slut all rolled up into one soon-to-be silicon-filled little package."
"I should have known better than to have come here," she snarled.
"Yes, you should have. Glad you stopped by. Tell Satan I said hello, and make it even longer between visits, Abby," I smiled.
She stopped cold, her anger evident in her posture at being called the nickname she'd had since childhood. The girls walked out about that time with trays of drinks. Gail stroked Caitlin's cheek and resumed her pace towards the door.
"Jesus, Matt," Justin commented. "I've never seen you like that."
"He's never like that around anyone but her," Kathy interjected. "Of course, can you blame him? I would exactly welcome the woman who tried to kill me into my house with open arms."
"WHAT?" Justin asked in shock.
"Nick, you know this story. Why don't you take the girls out for some ice cream or something?" I suggested.
"I was just thinking that very thing," he smiled as he caught my keys in one hand. "Come on, you two," he yelled to them from across the backyard. Jessica started a side conversation with Colleen about school, and once they were gone, I felt able to continue on unhampered.
I lifted Alyssa into my arms and suggested that we go into the house. Jeff and Kathy went into the kitchen to fix something to eat, and Drew and Lea sat on the loveseat. This story wasn't exactly new or noteworthy for anyone but Curly.
"Gail St. John, as she likes to call herself now, was born Abigail McDonnell. She's Ashley's older sister, as I said, and she hates me more than anyone else in this world, because I'm the only connection that the prim-and-proper lawyer's wife has to `Abby,' the girl she used to be. Abby was a hellcat, to say the least. She was a wild child who experimented with absolutely everything--sex, drugs, alcohol, prostitution, you name it," I began.
"She was the absolute antithesis of everything Ashley was," Kathy cut in. "Ashley was sweet, kind, understated, and beautiful. She never did a thing in her life to hurt anyone. That wasn't in her nature. She was the light of her parent's eyes. Basically, she was everything that Abby never was."
"The two of them were like two very different sides of the same coin. Ashley adored her sister, while Abby detested hers," I elaborated. "When Ashley became pregnant, even under the circumstances that it had been under, her parents quickly became the doting grandparents. Abby grew jealous, and she cut the brake lines on our car to try to kill us, though we could never prove it."
Justin's mouth dropped. Incapable of speech, he scooted to the edge of his chair. "She really tried to kill you," Justin finally managed to state more than ask.
"Stick around," Kathy said flatly. "It's about to get better."
"What happened?" Justin asked, terrified of the truth in Kathy's words.
"Her parents threw her out of the house. She blamed Ashley and broke into our house soon after. She stabbed Ashley in the leg with a kitchen knife and tried to kill her, but I came home from work and found her. I subdued her and called the police. Unfortunately, when it came down to the wire, Ashley couldn't testify against her sister, and she begged me not to either."
"Then what?" Justin asked.
"Ashley never saw her sister again. It wasn't until after the girls were born that Abby returned to my life. She blamed Ashley for her parents' disowning her, and she turned the blame to me since she couldn't hurt Ash anymore. Basically," I surmised, "she blamed me for Ashley dying without giving her a chance at revenge."
"She's really that sick?" Justin wondered.
"Hang on," Kathy sickly nodded. "There's more."
"More?" Justin mouthed. Drew just nodded his head.
"When their parents died, their estate was left to me and the girls. She hired a lawyer, her soon-to-be-husband, Phillip, who dragged me into court as part of a wrongful death suit. It didn't hold water, but it somehow gave him enough ammunition to get the other judge to award my part of the inheritance to her. I really thought that would have been the end of it."
Justin's eyes grew wide as saucers, but he said nothing while I continued the tale. "Then came the clincher, she tried to run over me." Justin fell off the chair in utter amazement. "She was arrested, but with some fancy finesse on Phillip's part, and, a guess on my part, some padding with Abby's money, she was declared to be insane and institutionalized."
"So why's she out walking the streets?"
"The same reasons she didn't go to the penitentiary, I suspect. Either way, she and Phillip got married, she had some plastic surgery and began going my Gail, and the world was none the wiser. Somehow, most of the records that connect Gail St. John with Abigail McDonnell have vanished."
"But what does she want now?" Drew added.
"I don't know," I confessed. "It's not the first time she's made an effort to get back into the girls' lives, for whatever reasons are stirring around in that head of hers, but she hasn't traditionally gone for the frontal assault approach."
"I'd sleep with one eye open," Kathy suggested.
"Yeah, like I really want to have to deal with her right now," I said sarcastically. "That's exactly what I need at this point in my life."
"She's said her piece," Drew commented. "She's always lost interest before. Why should things be different now?"
"Something's changed. Her arrogance was somehow different, like she's got the upper hand. I need to be ready for anything, because she'll attack soon. Patience was never one of her virtues."
"Virtue has never been one of her virtues," Kathy added. We all started laughing, and Nick and Jessica came back with the girls.
"So, what did you get?" I smiled at them, as I hopped up, trying to change the conversation quickly enough that the girls wouldn't sense my concern. We descended into small-talk for the rest of the afternoon before I saw everyone off at the airport.
The next few days were much less eventful. The girls were back at school, and Kathy was back at work. Justin had stuck around to lend moral support, but I was surprised to find that I didn't need it as much as either of us thought I would. I'd resolved myself to move on with my life, even if it had to be one without JC.
Scott had managed to pull enough strings that, at my request, the Nursing Board had rescheduled the hearing I had missed in October. I had stayed at home long enough, and if I didn't have much of a personal life to focus on anymore, I might as well throw myself back into my career.
Scott and Kathy both wanted to come, but both were working, so I intended to go alone. I wasn't sure if I really felt up to company if this didn't go well anyway. Regrettably, I wouldn't have the chance to decide, because Curly pretty much insisted he was going. We left early in the morning, since the drive to Nashville took around three hours.
We waited, he rather patiently and me rather otherwise, for them to call me into room. I knew they were calling witnesses both for and against my character and my nursing skills. It was one of those awkward situations where you're terrified what someone else might say about you.
"You know, Curly," I fidgeted, "there's got to be something more exciting in Nashville to do than sit here watching my palms sweat."
A secretary hung up the phone and without moving from her desk told us that they were finishing up with the last witness now and that they'd be with me a minute. Justin just smiled, "I don't know, watching you have a coronary's probably about the most exciting thing at the moment. Relax, you'll be fine."
"You think?" I questioned his certainty.
"I kno . . . ," his voice trailed off, his eyes vacant as though he'd seen a ghost.
I spun behind me to see what had captured his attention so completely. My mouth agape, I could only manage one incredulous word. "Josh?"
TO BE CONTINUED . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
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