Search and Rescue

This is part thirteen of my continuing story.

First off, my new e-mail address is: m_n_hunter@hotmail.com.

Well, true believers, we finally got it out (the respective installments of our stories, that is, so get your minds out of the gutter :) It's been a long time coming, and I can say with absolute certainty that every bit of it is all my fault.

There have been no great tragedies in my life of late (with the notable exception of having to get a new internet provider). In respect to the latter, any e-mail sent to me in the past few weeks was probably not received. If it was something that needed a reply, I'm terribly sorry, and anyone can feel free to reach me at the new e-mail address. Obviously, things have been hectic, so I hope the delay wasn't too taxing.

I did make sure I remembered some of the names of readers who encourage me, writers who inspire me, and friends who support me. If I omitted any names, I'm terribly sorry, my memory isn't what it used to be, but I'll try to do better next time. Without further ado, my eternal thanks to the guys (and gals to be fair to my friends Lauren, Yuli, Rachel, et al.--ever notice some of them seem to write better than the guys?) who keep me on my toes. Matty, Chas, Clive, Kevin, Denny, Drew, Jason, Lukas, MattVP, Tim, Tom, and Tonny: you all are the best. A special thanks to EG for his kind words and insights. If you've missed some of their own fantastic contributions to the archive, take the time. Some are wrapping up, others are just getting started, but all are high points in my day.

Most know by now that DLS and I have shared this labor of love, and it's been a sincere pleasure. "Brian and Me" is a story that I wouldn't hesitate to be a part of, even in some small way, so he does himself a great injustice by letting me muck it up with my meager talents. Besides being a fantastic writer, he's one of my best friends, so I hope you enjoy the collaboration. He's been incredibly patient putting up with all the mini-crises that have plagued me these last weeks, but we've finally managed to get the tales to you. Again, blame me for the delays. On the upside, my chapter is quite a bit lengthier than usual, so I hope you'll find enough in there to make it worth the wait.

Having said all that, let me put in the mandatory disclaimer: If you're under age, go somewhere else. If you don't, don't blame me. If it's illegal for you to be here, don't be. You're the one that will pay for it. If stories containing homosexuality offend you, how in the hell did you get here, and more importantly, why are you still here? If you break the rules, don't tell me about it, because I don't want to know, and neither myself nor the archive will take responsibility for your actions. Finally, this story is a work of fiction. It does not attempt to imply anything with regards to the sexual preferences of any member of 'N SYNC or the Backstreet Boys.

Now that that's done, please enjoy the story.

After parking the car, I grabbed some bags as Nate did the same. While I fished for my keys in my pocket, he looked at me with an idea forming in his head.

"Do you mind hiding these things for me?" he asked.

Okay, I wasn't sure what he was thinking. There was something about this guy that made it much harder for me to read, so I forced a smile, "Waiting for Christmas?"

He laughed as he followed me inside, "Not quite. Though the prospect of Brian having to walk around nude all week is appealing."

I grinned, looking around to make sure no boyfriends were in earshot. "Officially, I have no comment on that. Unofficially, I can think of worse things to have happen in my home."

He laughed as he closed the door behind him. "But if I know Brian, he's going to want to see what I got him right away. Just thought I'd make him sweat it out a bit. And I want the first thing he sees to be that first shirt I found."

I saw a hint of a mischievous smile which laid to rest one suspicion. "I knew you couldn't have liked that thing."

"Are you kidding me? It's as ugly as hell, but I just have to find out if I can guild him into wearing it."

I smiled and took the bags. "Hey, if you want to be seen with him in that shirt, that's your business."

He cringed, "I didn't say he was leaving the house in it."

I heard laughter coming from the other side of the house, so I told him to join them outside. I assured him that I would hide his packages in my room, but in truth, I didn't want that god-awful shirt anywhere near my clothes. I wasn't sure if ugly was contagious, but I wasn't all that sure that I was willing to take that chance.

Walking towards the back of the house, I dropped the contents of my arms on the bed. Quickly retrieving the Goldsmith's sack, I deposited the bag-o-hideousness in the room where Kevin or Kathy had left Nate's things before heading outside.

I heard JC laughing, "Like it's worth doing that. You're just lucky someone as wonderful as Nate will put up with you."

"Yeah, well at least mine's here. Yours seem to have gotten lost along the way," Brian teased. "Maybe you're not as indispensable as you thought."

I came to JC's defense as I walked through the doors. "Oh, he is." JC turned to Brian and taunted him as I stood in front of him. "So what do you think?" I smiled at Nate, nodding towards Josh.

I could see Nate think for a second, before he grinned, "Il est tres charmant."

"What?" JC asked him puzzled.

"Don't tell him that," I smiled. JC didn't know he'd just been described as very charming, so I laughed and told Nate, "He'll get a big head." Moving closer, I whispered, "Il est moins cher qu'il ne pense."

Nate's mind translated it quickly, and he grinned, "Brian, too." We laughed, and Brian looked at him, poking him in the ribs. "Brian too what?"

"Ca ne fait rien," Nate answered, kissing him and telling him it didn't matter, but Brian pouted, "Quit it!"

I was trying hard not to laugh, so JC wrapped his arms around me to bolster my resolve.

"So what did you get me?" Brian batted his eyelashes.

Nate just smiled, "You'll just have to wait and see. I'm not telling."

Brian kissed his hand, "Please?" He leaned in and kissed Nate's neck, "Pretty please?"

Kevin laughed, rolling his eyes in his head, "Like you're going to be able to stand up against him. You might as well give in now before he makes the rest of us sick."

I grinned as Nate pushed Brian's forehead back. "Nuh uh. I said you're going to have to wait, and I meant it."

Brian tried again, kissing the other side of his neck. "Isn't there anything that I can do to make you tell?" To his credit, Nate shook his head.

Not sure I would have the same willpower, I leaned against JC and had to ask, "Comment resistez-vous a la tentation?"

Nate laughed and confirmed that it wasn't easy, "Ce n'est pas facile!" He smiled at the scowling Brian and stroked his furrowed brow. "Comme tu es jolie," he whispered.

Brian laughed a warning, "You better quit while you're ahead. That last one seemed pretty good."

I chimed in, "It was."

JC prodded me in the back. "How come you never say that to me?"

I turned to face him and smiled, "I'm sorry. I think you're very pretty, too."

I heard Brian's "Hey!" "Je suis vraiment desole. Je ne le ferai plus jamais," Nate laughed, telling him he was sorry and that he'd never do it again.

That just added fuel to the fire, and Brian laughed, "One more out of you, and you're sleeping alone."

"Rien ne lui plait," Nate whispered.

I wasn't so sure that I agreed that nothing would please Brian. I think Nate himself was a pretty glaring exception, so I mentioned, "Sauf toi."

"J'espere bien," Nate admitted hopefully.

Brian laughed and pushed Nate to the ground. "That's it! I warned you!"

Nate tried to climb back into Brian's lap. "But I was talking to Matt."

Brian returned Nate to the deck. "About me. Now I better hear a big 'excusez moi' or you're on your own."

Nate looked at him innocently, but Brian was steadfast, "I don't hear it."

Conceding, Nate kissed his knee and sighed, "Excusez moi."

Brian motioned to his knee, and Nate whispered, "Je t'aime," as he joined him again. Brian laughed, "Now that I understood."

JC smiled at me mischievously after the display, "So what did you bring me?"

Rolling my eyes, I glared at Brian, "See what you started?"

Brian held up his hands innocently with a "What did I do?" look. I was about to retort with some witty repartee, but I didn't need to. Nate went with the simpler approach and elbowed him in the gut, knocking the wind out of him.

"Merci beaucoup," I smiled.

"De rien," he grinned.

Kevin was staring at Nate and I with uncertainty. "So what's with the two of you?"

"What?" Nate asked.

"I've never heard you speak French before," Kevin answered. "And it doesn't look like Brian has either."

Shaking his head, Brian confirmed, "I haven't. Didn't even know that he could."

Kevin repeated himself, "So what gives?"

Nate explained why he didn't speak French around them, primarily because they wouldn't understand what he was saying. He told them how we discovered that we both spoke a little, at which point JC pressed his chin against my shoulder. "Where did you learn it?" he asked me.

When I answered "France," JC seemed surprised. He even probed further to verify that I had been to France. Okay, this Southern hick thing was really starting to annoy me. I grinned at Nate, "We covered that already. My father was stationed in Europe for a while, and we went back for vacations. I still go over every year."

JC visibly hardened when I mentioned my father, but he just nodded. He was trying very hard not to say anything, which I thought was sweet, but I wasn't sure how long he would be able to remain silent. Luckily, Brian changed the subject and started with the same types of questions JC had just posed to me.

Nate pointed out the semi-obvious, but JC kind of latched on to the fact that Nate was Canadian. "I thought you were a fan?" Nate teased.

JC laughed. "Well, I liked your book, but didn't really figure that we'd meet. I didn't think I'd need to know your bio."

Nate assured him that it was okay, and it was fairly uninformative anyway, but I couldn't help but notice the change in his tone when he said, "My past isn't really something that I care to have the whole world reading about."

Even if I had missed Nate's body language, Brian tensed and Kevin's face tightened with worry. I think Nate noticed, so he changed the subject again. "Speaking French is definitely not mentioned, considering that I'm far from fluent."

Kathy smiled, "Sounded pretty good to me."

Nate appreciated the vote of confidence but pointed out that he was hardly a native and very rusty. Before the self-depreciation continued, I told him that it wasn't that bad. In truth, if he'd spent half the time over there that I had, he'd be in good shape, and I told him so.

Kathy smiled again. "He doesn't look like he's going anywhere, or even wanting to go anywhere."

"That's just the way I want it," Brian gleamed. "Though I can think of one place that he wants to be."

"Where's that?" Nate smiled, facing him. "I'm pretty comfortable right here." He and Brian exchanged a tender moment that I honestly think they were unaware we were witnessing, so Kevin turned on the verbal hoses.

"That's not it," Nate smirked, though his mind seemed elsewhere.

Kevin must have caught it as well. "Then what's going on?"

Nate explained that it had something to do with his new book he was working on and that Brian was remembering something for him. He then excused himself to do some work. At JC's thoughtful suggestion, I started inside to show him to the spare room their things were in.

Brian urged Nate up with a conniving grin. "And while you're writing, I can check out the clothes that you picked up for me."

Nate looked at him, apparently aware of what was going on in his head, but he just smiled at Brian instead, "That's the only reason that you reminded me of this in the first place, isn't it?"

"I would have reminded you," Brian assured him. "Maybe not right away, but I would have."

Nate smiled, obviously not buying the line Brian was feeding him. "Well maybe you should just stay out here until I'm done."

Brian stuck out his bottom lip. Damn, this guy was cute when he pouted. "But I want to see what you bought."

"And he doesn't want to be out of your sight," Kathy laughed. "How can you resist a face like that?"

"It's not easy," Nate said again, this time in English. "You can come," he conceded, "but no distractions."

I could hear Kevin whisper, "Good luck." Apparently, he should have just said it aloud, because JC and Kathy started laughing.

Brian ignored us and agreed. "I'll just admire my new threads."

I stepped inside, and I heard Kevin tell them that he had already put Nate's computer and suitcase in the bedroom. Opening the door, I presented it with a minimal of flourish, "Here you go."

"Thanks," they mimicked as they entered. "No problem," I answered, then grinning, "Oh, Nate, I left the one bag that you mentioned on the bed as well. The one that you wanted Brian to open first."

Nate followed my gaze and laughed, "Thanks, Matt."

"I'll get the others, and then head back to the porch. You know the way when you're done." I walked back to my room and retrieved the rest of the things we'd bought for Brian, and when I brought them back, I found the two of them kissing. "Ahem," I cleared my throat.

Nate blushed, "Sorry about that. Got a little carried away."

I smiled in agreement, "I know what it's like." Lifting the sacks into view, "Does he get these now?"

Nate rolled his eyes. "I guess, but he still can't look in them yet."

I set the bags on the bed. "Okay. Give me a shout if you need anything."

"We will," Nate answered, flipping on the computer and apologizing for disappearing for a while.

I smiled. "Like I said. It's not a problem. I'm sure we can entertain ourselves for a little while. This is obviously important to you."

He agreed. "It's been bothering me ever since I wrote it."

"Then fix it," I told him succinctly. "I'll be able to tell people that part of it was written in my house." I started to leave, but a thought occurred to me. "And if you need someone to come and drag the walking distraction out of here for you, I'm sure Kathy would be more than happy to oblige."

"I think I can keep him in line," he laughed, "but tell Kathy to be ready, just in case."

"Will do," I smiled. "See you two in a bit," I told them, shutting the door behind me and walking back towards the patio. I stopped in the den when I realized that everyone had moved inside.

JC was stretched out on the floor in front of the television, and Kevin and Kathy were sitting on the couch. I crawled down to the floor with Josh and rested my head on his stomach. He pulled one of the arms from behind his head and began stroking my hair.

"Aww, how cute," Kathy smirked.

"Jealous?" I asked.

"Maybe a little," she smiled at Kevin.

"Aww," he mocked, pulling her against him. I just watched them for a few minutes, silently observing as they playfully teased one another. It was obvious that they cared about each other very deeply, even loved one another, but Kathy's words repeated in my head. You can love someone without being in love with someone. But try as I might, I just could not figure out in which category they belonged.

JC's breathing was even and calm, and the warm breeze on the back of my neck told me that he was watching me watching them. I wondered what he thought of the two of them. They seemed very natural together, but I wasn't sure how. In one instance, they were like JC and I, and in the next, they were like Kathy and I. Friends or lovers I couldn't tell, but the smile on her face told me she knew, and she was content with it.

Kevin was a lot of fun. I liked him a lot, especially since he seemed to embarrass easier than Josh or Nate. Ironic that just his relationship with Kathy, whatever it was, made me feel much closer to him. We were both very much at ease with one another, for which I was thankful. After Kevin said that he and the guys were taking me up on my offer for them to visit, I was a bit nervous about how Nate and I would fit into the equation with everyone else, since they knew one another. Luckily, we all seemed to be getting along fine. Our personalities were such that we almost felt like we were old friends.

Sensing JC shifting uncomfortably beneath me, I turned away from Kathy and Kevin to face him. As expected, he was staring down at me.

"Sweetie?" I cooed.

"Yes, dear?" he answered in similar fashion.

"Would you do me a favor?" I asked, leaning over to kiss him.

"Anything," he smiled.

"Then please go take a shower, because you stink," I elaborated, biting my lip. Kathy and Kev, however, didn't even make the attempt. I thought she was going to fall off the couch laughing.

JC abruptly, if not entirely unexpectedly, stood, dropping my head with an audible thud to the carpet.

"Ow," I weakly laughed, rubbing my noggin.

"Serves you right," he smirked. After quick deliberation, he added, "Unless, of course, you want to join me."

"Can I get a rain check?" I asked hopefully.

"Who says that was a standing offer?" he asked with an evil grin.

A similar expression crept across my own face. "If not, the couch is gonna be awfully damn lonely."

"You're no fun," he pouted.

I fought the laughter, almost choking, "I think we've had this conversation."

He started laughing and turned down the hall. I tore my attention from him long enough to meet Kathy's questioning glance. "Yes?" I prompted.

"Just surprised you didn't take him up on his proposition," she admitted.

"Proposition? You make it sound like an indecent proposal," I laughed.

"Only if you're lucky," she smiled.

"Kathy, honey?" I purred.

"Yes, dear?" she answered, mimicking JC from earlier.

Through my best smile came "Bite me."

Without any hesitation, she asked, "Is that an invitation?"

Expecting that very response, I answered, "No." Throwing my keys to her, "But you can go to the store and pick up some ribs for me, so I can barbecue tonight."

"Okay," she conceded, "That's worth me getting off my ass."

"Unfamiliar territory?" Kevin jumped in, having said nothing through most of this conversation.

Kathy immediately elbowed him in the gut. "Come on, funny-man. You're going with me."

"No, he's not," I corrected. They both shot me questioning looks. "I think you can struggle through one trip to Kroger alone, and besides, I want to get to know Kevin a little better."

She started pouting, her bottom lip protruding. I reiterated, "Go." She pushed herself off of Kevin with a smile and headed for the driveway.

"So how well do you know the guys from 'N SYNC?" I asked.

He thought about it for a second before answering, "Pretty well, actually. Most of us make our homes in Orlando, so we kind of move in the same circles."

"What about the animosity that everyone says is between you all?" I wondered aloud. I had been doing my homework, after all.

"Animosity's not really the right word. Professional rivalry's probably a better description."

I said nothing, but he could tell I was curious, so he elaborated, "Both groups are very similar, and we appeal to the same market. We don't exactly have that long of a life expectancy in the limelight, and in light of how fickle a large part of our fan base is, we're trying to make hay while the sun shines."

"What about all the issues all of you guys are having with your management stuff?"

"That's a little more complicated. In honesty, their wanting to switch to who represents us is kind of a conflict of interest in our eyes, but that, in and of itself, is only a small part of it all. We've been having problems with our representation for a long time, and we actually sort of took their cue in our timing. Anything that comes of all this is no reflection on how we view the guys as individuals, because they're all great, and I'm glad I'm getting the chance to know both JC and you better. I feel like you're family."

"Same here," I assured him. "Though Kathy hasn't been as forthcoming with the information on you, her opinion carries a lot of weight in my book, and your words and deeds speak very highly for you."

He reddened at the compliment. "Speaking of family, how are your girls?"

Snickering at his changing the subject, "They're horrible. Really, though, what could you expect from someone with me as a father and Kathy as a godmother?"

"I'd say you could expect a lot," he answered, and it was my turn to blush.

"Speaking of the terrible twosome," I began, changing the subject back to the topic at hand, "they're having a dance later this week, and they wanted all of you guys to come. I realize what an imposition that is, but I did promise I would ask."

He smiled, "Well, I can't speak for Brian and Nate, but I, for one, wouldn't miss the chance to see them again."

"Again?" I asked, feeling like the woman people don't tell her dress is tucked into her pantyhose.

"Yeah, I've met them a few times," he confessed.

"They didn't share that with me, but then again, I guess there's a lot of that going around," I laughed, but the sound trailed off when I thought of the weight of my own words.

"I guess so," Kevin answered, obviously sensing a likewise deeper meaning. "But they're great. I think a lot of them, and of you, for raising them virtually alone, all things considered."

"Thanks," I half-smiled, blushing again, but at the same time, reading more into his statement, probably more than was there.

"So how's Carrie?" I finally asked, again changing the subject.

He looked at me puzzled for a split second before nodding, "I guess it makes sense that she would have told you about her." He paused for a moment, lost in thought, before answering, "She's great."

"So tell me about her," I smiled.

It felt awkward to him, that much was obvious, but he continued, "Well, for starters, she's Nate's editor--that's how we met. As you can guess, we haven't known each other all that long."

"What's she like?" I urged again.

He thought about it for a minute. "A lot like Kathy, but at the same time, completely unlike her."

I wasn't sure what he meant. "How so?"

He was having trouble explaining, but he tried to go on. "I guess, personality-wise, that's where they're different. She's sweet and funny like Kathy, but she's quiet and contemplative, too."

"Quiet," I laughed, "is one thing I don't think Kathy's ever been accused of."

"No kidding," he laughed. "The more I think about it, the more I realize that the way they most remind me of one another is the way they both make me feel."

Even as stoic as I can be sometimes, that little self-discovery kind of caught me off guard. "Do you love her?" I asked, testing a theory.

"Yes," he answered simply.

"You don't even know which one I was talking about," I pointed out, my suspicions confirmed.

"It doesn't matter," he confessed.

"I thought as much," I agreed.

He smiled, understanding my meaning. "Kathy is the one who decided the relationship should end, not me."

I stopped him before he got the wrong impression. "I'm not passing judgment here."

"I know," he smiled, clarifying. "From what Kathy's told me about you, that's not really your style. I was just trying to explain. Sorry if it came off defensive."

I really liked this guy, and I could understand why Kathy cared so much about him. "Kathy still loves you. A part of her always will." When the words left my lips, I caught the double entendre in the statement, but I shook it off before it showed in my face.

"And I still love her. Never doubt that, Matt. She's been one of the greatest loves of my life, and I would do anything for her. As per her instructions, however, I've closed the chapter in my life where we were lovers, and after much time and difficulty, I'm finally moving on."

My turn to go on the defensive. "I'm happy for you, and so is she. Never doubt that. Kathy's almost thirty years old now, and after being with her for half of that, I can tell you without any hesitation that she would never stand in the way of your happiness."

He just smiled, "Don't you think I know that? The same qualities you're describing are the ones I fell in love with in the first place. I've just been lucky enough to find someone who I care about that way again, and I hope she feels the same about me."

I got up from the floor and joined him on the couch. Patting his leg, I assured him, "How could she not?"

He blushed, and I started laughing. "Damn, you should be a little harder to embarrass after all that time with Kathy."

He started laughing as well. "You'd think I would be."

"I think we got a little off track here," I digressed. "I really was just asking about you and Carrie."

"I know," he reassured me, "and I appreciate it." We just kind of sat there in an easy silence after that, perusing the channels for something to watch.

Kathy got back a little later, so Kevin and I helped her bring the groceries to the kitchen. I put the ribs in refrigerator, since I didn't want to get started yet. It would take a couple of hours, but from the looks of things, we would all be up a while.

We went back into the den to finish watching the movie Kevin and I had gotten interested in, but I was slightly distracted when Nate and Brian came back into the room. I started laughing hysterically, and when Kathy and Kevin saw the reason, they weren't far behind.

Kevin could barely see through the tears. "What the hell are you wearing?"

In Brian's defense, he seemed almost proud of the shirt of many uglies when he announced, "Nate bought it for me."

JC pushed past them and plopped down on the couch with me, his hair still slightly dripping. He really hadn't noticed the shirt when he came in, but now, it was kind of hard to miss. I gave up any attempts at composure, "I can't believe he got you to put it on," I confessed. "I didn't think he would be able to do it."

"What are you talking about?" Brian asked me, confused. Wheeling towards Nate, "What is he talking about?"

Nate's attempt at a somber facade was as futile as it could be, and when Brian saw the smile emerge on his face, the light bulb went off. "You didn't?" he asked Nate, full-knowing the answer already.

Nate's resolve completely collapsed, and he burst into the laughter that had already filled the room. "I'm sorry, sweetie. I just couldn't help myself. I had to see if I could get you to wear it."

Brian pulled it away from his chest and stared at it. "Of course I would wear it. I thought you liked it."

Nate kissed him on the cheek, "That's sweet."

Kevin, normally more reserved than the rest of us, didn't skip a beat. "You honestly thought Nate would pick something like that out?"

"Well, he seemed to like it," Brian tried vainly to defend himself. "I guess I underestimated how devious he is."

Kathy wasn't about to let that one get away. "Not to mention his fashion sense. Where on earth did you find that thing?"

I jumped in, "Sales rack at Goldsmith's." Silently, I thought to myself how it was no wonder it had made it to the sales rack. "I thought he was crazy when I saw him pick it up."

Nate smiled at me. "I saw the look on your face, but you deserve an award for not saying anything about it. I don't know if I would have been able to do it if I had seen you buying it."

Not quite sure how to take that, I shrugged, "I figured you knew Brian better than I did, and anything would have been better than that heavy shirt you wanted to get him first. He would have boiled alive in that thing."

Nate almost seemed hurt, pouting he defiantly added, "But it was such a great shirt. All warm and snuggly. Perfect for a fall evening."

Brian was in a trance, staring at the nausea-inducing hypnotic power of that shirt. I thought Kathy was going to pee on herself, she was laughing so hard, "A fall evening in Canada, maybe." Trying to slow her laughter down enough to be more coherent, "We're still in T-shirt and shorts weather, in case you hadn't noticed."

Nate was making faces again. "Well, it's not my fault that you people live in unnatural warmth."

Nate crawled over to the floor in front of Brian, but he wasn't getting away from Kathy that easily. "Just because we don't live in the arctic!"

"It's hardly the arctic," Nate had to laugh. "You know, we even have periods up there where there's no snow at all."

'My turn,' I thought to myself. "How do the dogs pull the sleds through the grass?"

Nate cut me an evil look. "Yeah, yeah. Now where's my mint julep? And which one of the two of you is the southern belle?"

Kathy and I immediately pointed at one another, and the whole group just lost it.

"Seriously, though," Nate added, trying to be more solemn, "it's just too hot down here. I finally had to leave LA for the same reasons. I miss the drastic temperature changes. I miss the snow and the slush and the ice."

JC, who hadn't said much of anything thus far, laughed, "You're nuts."

"There's nothing better than being able to snuggle up in a blanket with a good book and a hot cup of tea," Nate tried to rationalize to a room full of people who either lived in Florida or Tennessee. "You're all warm while your nose and ears are cold. It's perfect."

"I don't think so," I guffawed.

He smiled and looked at Brian. "Ah, but when it's cold out, having someone to cuddle with in bed becomes not only fun, but practical as well."

Brian stroked Nate's hair, "Well, then it's a good thing that it's warm, because after this shirt fiasco, you're not getting any cuddling for a while."

"Now you've done it," Kevin laughed.

Nate just shook his head no, smiling, "He owes me."

"I do?" Brian challenged with an unspoken 'do I' following his question.

Nate stared defiantly at the inverted face staring at him, "Yep. Not ten minutes ago, we were upstairs, and you said that you would . . . ."

Brian quickly caught the next words with the hand in front of Nate's mouth.

"I remember," he laughed.

Kathy went to bitch-mode again. "Well we don't," she smiled. "He said that he would what?"

Nate was about to respond in some fashion, but Brian butted in, "I said that I would smack him if he said another word."

Nate just smiled, and Kathy was content with the answer for some inexplicable reason.

After we dried our eyes and our stomachs stopped hurting, I told everyone that I would start dinner shortly, and asked them if they would like for me to pick up some movies to watch.

"Sounds good," Kevin smiled.

"I'll go with you," Brian offered, shocking me, but shocking Nate even more. He whispered something to Nate as he stood, and Nate replied something in a similar tone. They continued the exchange for another minute or so before Brian shook his head in defeat and finishing rising above Nate, who wasted no time in stealing his chair.

I noticed all of this from the corner of my eye, after JC had followed me to the door.

"Are you sure you don't want me to go?" Josh asked me, almost hurt.

I squeezed his hand and kissed his cheek. "Positive. If you're with me, you'll just distract me, being the cute distraction that you are."

He seemed content with that and just smiled at me. Turning to look at Brian and Nate, I almost laughed at an unspoken absurdity in the way new lovers behaved with one another. I guess we were all thinking something similar, so I pushed Brian out the door. "Be back soon," I announced, closing the door behind me.

"So where're we going?" Brian asked eagerly, jumping into the passenger seat.

"You know, you're not in the land of Nanuk of the North anymore," I laughed. "If we're getting movies, I figure Blockbuster is a safe bet."

"No wonder Nate likes you," he smirked. "You two smart asses were cut from the same cloth."

"I don't know," I countered defiantly. "I like to think I'm one of a kind."

Rolling his eyes, "And I like to think I'm the sexiest man alive, but I think the both of us are due for a reality check."

"I know a few million people who just think you are so adorably cute they just want to scream," I reminded him. "Not to mention a few people under my roof who think you're sexy as hell."

"So you and Nate did talk about me?" he smiled, trying his damnedest to pretend that this adulation wasn't about to embarrass him to death.

"We thought about you long enough for him to buy that god-awful shirt," I reminded him.

"That reminds me, I'll get you, my pretty," he threatened in his best imitation. "You and your little cohort, too."

I bit my lip. "Not tonight, dear. I have a headache. Maybe Nate will be in the mood for you to get him."

He turned a deep crimson. Kathy had taught me well. "That's not what I meant," he challenged.

"Save it for the judge, you little perv," I hurled. "Besides, my boyfriend might have to kick your ass if you don't stop picking on me."

"Oh, please. Skinny? I could take him with one hand tied behind my back."

"You like it kinky, huh?" I teased, milking this exchange for all it was worth. "Does Nate know about this little fetish?"

"I hate you," he scowled.

"No, you don't. You want me," I continued. "That's why you wanted to come with me. You thought you could get me alone and take advantage of me."

We'd moved on to maroon. "I just wanted to get to know you better," he said innocently.

Okay, now I felt guilty. "I'm sorry, Brian. I was just playing with you."

An evil grin broadened across his face. "Does JC know you like to play around with strange men?"

He shoots, he scores, but I was far from unarmed in this battle of wits, or half-wits, depending on your perspective. "And they don't come much stranger than you, do they?"

He sulked when he realized he had made it so easy that I didn't need to try. "Okay, okay. You've got me."

Oh, no, he was not getting out of this that easily. "I thought we'd already established that I didn't want you. Try the Canadian. Judging by that shirt you're wearing, he's got lower standards--much lower."

Brian glanced down at the shirt. "Oh, good grief. I forgot I was still wearing this tacky thing. I meant to change before we left."

"What? Change into someone with some fashion sense before we left the land of good taste?"

"I didn't pick this thing out!" he shouted.

"No," I laughed, "but you did pick out the thing that picked that thing out. What does that say about you?"

It honestly took him a second to process that, but when he did, I could see in his eyes that this battle was far from over. Unfortunately for him (or fortunately), we pulled into the parking lot of the video store before he could retort.

He pulled on his hat and sunglasses before we went into the building.

"Brian, honey, it's dark outside. If you're trying not to stand out, I have a few words of wisdom for you."

"Oh, yes, fount of useless information, enlighten me," he smirked.

"Oh, yeah, you blend," I proceeded in my best Brooklyn accent.

He rolled his eyes again, but bowing to my superior reasoning, he took off the sunglasses and just pulled the hat lower.

"So what are we looking for?" he asked as we started staring aimlessly at the new releases shelves.

"Depends on what you guys' tastes are," I answered, and immediately realized how he could twist that. "And if one off-color remark comes out of your mouth, I'm going to slap the shit out of you."

He just smiled, "Bitch."

"And don't forget it," I snapped at him, working my neck as I said it. I thought he was going to lose it.

We suffered through the endless amount of boxes for the either uninteresting or unavailable new releases. "Now what?" he asked.

"Wanna pick out some older movies?" I shrugged.

"Sure," he answered, apparently much less talkative in public than one-on-one.

"What are you in the mood for, and for God's sakes, keep it G-rated?" I asked with a smile.

"Drama," he answered, trying not to put anything more into it before he would completely lose restraint.

"Oh, there's a stretch, you queen," I laughed, pushing him towards the drama section.

We started alphabetically, and as we made our way through the A's, we started our own little "Men on Film" critique. Vasillating between "Loved it" and "Hated it."

We made it through most of the B's in much the same way, until one caught his attention. "What about this one? It's appropriate, don't you think?" he smiled. When I saw the title, it took my breath away.

"Brian's Song?" I mumbled barely audibly. It was definitely appropriate.

"Yeah," he confirmed, apparently still able to hear me. "I always liked this movie, but it's kind of sad."

"I know," I answered absentmindedly. I needed to talk to JC soon.

"If you don't like it, we can get something else," Brian offered, apparently sensing more than I gave him credit for.

"No," I answered, shaking myself back to reality. "If you want to get it, then that's what we'll get," I smiled.

"Good. I'll get that one for me. Let's see what else we can find."

We wandered around a bit longer before we picked out the next movie. In truth, Brian was picking out the movies. I was distracted, and that fact wasn't lost on Brian. On more than a few occasions, he asked if I was okay.

I assured him that I was, but he wasn't convinced. What was with everyone being so damned perceptive?

He had picked out another movie, "Dead Poets Society." He said he thought Nate would appreciate it. I just smiled at his rationales for his selections and said nothing.

We walked around some more, and Brian picked out a couple more movies. I honestly wasn't paying much attention to the first selection, but I had to smile when he said he'd picked out the second movie for me. I saw the words "Gross Anatomy" printed across the box.

"I'm not sure how to take that," I laughed.

"I meant because it was a medical thing," he snarled.

"I know. I'm teasing," I assured him. "It's a good movie."

"I haven't seen it," he confessed.

"It's a good mix of comedy and drama."

"Do you want to get it?" he asked.

"Fine with me," I smiled. I was glad Howie wasn't here to see it. Like every other movie Brian had picked out thus far, it would have hit close to home.

I guess I was lost in thought again when I heard him say, "No talent hacks."

If he was trying to grab my curiosity, he'd succeeded. I looked over at his shit-eating grin with understanding when I saw the 'N SYNC video in his hand.

My divine inspiration came in the form of a certain cartoon rabbit dancing across the screens which constantly flashed scenes from various videos. The words echoed through my head with laughter. "Of course you know, this means war."

Perveying the scene, I couldn't believe my luck. One of the cashiers, a young girl probably still in high school, was singing along with "I Want It That Way" on the radio at the checkout. Perfect.

Slipping away from Brian, I began, "Excuse me, ma'am?"

"Yes, sir, can I help you?"

"That gentleman in back there dropped a tape and broke it, but he just put it back on the shelf."

The look on her face told me she had taken the bait--hook, line, and sinker. She walked over to Brian. "Sir, I think we may have a problem," she tapped him on the shoulder.

Completely unaware, he spun around to face her. When she saw his face, the recognition was instantaneous. I marveled at the desired effect. She went ballistic.

"OH, MY GOD!" she screamed.

Still stunned like a deer in headlights, he turned to me for answers, but when he saw my face, he understood. She ranted and raved for a good ten minutes. Luckily for Brian, there were only three people in the store besides ourselves. Brian graciously signed autographs in exchange for their silence about his presence in town.

"Do you really think it's going to stay a secret that you're here?" I asked him as we headed towards the front of the store.

"Not a chance," he smiled.

"Good," I smiled in return. He looked at me questioningly, so I continued, "Well, Nate's already been linked to Nick, so maybe they'll say you and I are an item. It'll help my rep."

He just smirked, "I don't think either of our boyfriends would approve."

"Isn't love worth the risk?" I purred.

"You're incorrigible."

"I thought I was encourageable," I replied.

"I don't even think that's a word," he rolled his eyes as we set the movies on the counter.

The same little checkout girl was stuttering and stammering, trying to ring up the movies, but she wasn't having much luck, so another cashier came out from the back. She was probably about my age, and she had put a lot more holes in her head than the good Lord intended. She either didn't recognize Brian or simply didn't care.

"Did you lose a bet?" she asked Brian.

He looked confused again until she motioned towards the shirt. Brian and the other salesgirl were turning beet red, and I was absolutely about to fall out laughing. After she gave us our total, Brian threw a twenty onto the counter, apparently not satisfied with how fast I was moving. He pushed me out the door, grabbing the movies and following quickly behind.

"That was mean," he sulked after we climbed into the car.

"But well-deserved," I pointed out. "Not to mention funny as hell."

"A little funny," he admitted.

Deciding to forgo the obvious size joke, I got serious on him. "So why exactly did you want to tag along?"

"I was serious when I said I wanted to get to know you better."

I decided to take that as a compliment, but I couldn't help but chuckle, "You probably wish you hadn't now."

"No regrets whatsoever," he smiled. "You and Nate seem like you have a lot in common, and Kathy and Kevin think the world of you."

I smiled, trying to fight the color rising in my cheeks again. "Kathy's a little biased, but I appreciate the sentiment from Kevin. I think a lot of him myself."

"He's great. My best friend, as a matter of fact," he continued smiling. "He's stuck beside me through a lot of rough times."

Not wanting to pry, I just nodded before proceeding. "I read about the charity you founded after your surgery."

"Yeah," he answered nonchalantly. "I've been blessed in my life. I felt like I should try to give other people a chance to feel the same way."

"Noble aspiration," I commented, then changing the subject again, "So tell me about you and Nate."

He smiled at the very subject. "Well, I guess he's probably told you the specifics. I love him; other than that, I don't what there is to say."

"That says a lot," I assured him. "I can tell he feels the same."

"I hope so," he half-smiled. "It just feels like there's a part of him I'll never see, much less understand, even though he's shared so much of his life with me."

"I can relate," I said absentmindedly, and Brian turned to look at me. I snapped back to the topic at hand and saw his eyes probing me.

Sensing my discomfort, he switched gears. "What about you and JC?"

"Well," I began, "we met with a bang, and since then, I guess you could say it's been something of a whirlwind romance."

"You seem like you've known each other forever."

"Funny. I was thinking the same thing about the two of you," I smiled.

I could tell something was running through his mind, so I asked him flatly, "What are you thinking?"

He looked at me surprised for a moment before answering, "I was just wondering, since you're on the other side, if a relationship with someone like us is really worth it."

I sighed, not really expecting that. I thought about it for a moment. "Is it worth it to you?"

"I want your opinion," he dodged.

"Just answer my question, and I'll answer yours."

He smiled. "Yes, it is. I'd give anything to spend the rest of my life with him."

It was nice to see how easily the words came. "And what makes you think we're any different?"

He just stared at me, obviously caught of guard in much the same way I had been moments earlier. His face brightened, and he mouthed, "Thank you."

I shook my head. "Thank you."

"For what?" he asked.

"For reminding me why," I smiled.

He wasn't following, but he returned my smile anyway as we pulled into the driveway. As we walked through the door, Brian pounced into Nate's lap, wrapping his arm around him. I saw that infamous "oh, brother" look from not just Kathy but Kevin as well before the whole room erupted in laughter.

Brian had that confused look again. "What's so funny?" he demanded of Nate.

"Nothing, really. These two were giving JC and I a hard time for being so much in love, and then we got to talking about how Kevin's always hitting on me."

As interesting as this conversation was, I had to feel for Kevin, who was shifting uncomfortably when he winced, "Don't start that again."

Brian wasn't exactly rousing with family support. Rolling with laughter was more like it. "Did you tell them about the naked wrestling this morning?"

Nate just smiled. "Yep. Of course he blamed it on me."

"Of course," Brian replied. "I seem to recall you being dragged out of my arms, though."

"See?" Nate asked with hands raised.

I could see something sinister behind Kevin's eyes. "Well as long as we're talking about such things, I seem to recall a certain writer friend of mine who was quite excited about meeting JC here," Kevin grinned. "I believe his exact words were 'He's that dreamy guy who used to be on the Mickey Mouse Club.'"

JC turned his attention from me to Nate. "Is that so?"

Nate shot Kevin a hard look but tried to shrug it off. "You must know that you're attractive," he told JC. "You've got people telling you that all the time."

JC smiled, "Well, you're no slouch yourself, you know. If I wasn't taken, I might just give Brian a run for his money."

I raised my eyebrow with an unspoken "Oh, really" when Nate said, "That could be interesting."

"He also likes Lance," Brian added, apparently trying to make sure JC didn't get any ideas.

Nate laughed when JC responded, "Well, who doesn't?" I turned my gaze towards Josh. "Well, he is pretty cute" was my reward.

Nate saved JC from me when he changed the subject. "Enough of my little crushes."

"See what it's like?" Kevin smiled.

I had to laugh, but that just called Nate's attention to me. "Oh no, you don't. You're not getting out of this so easily."

Uh-oh. I had a good idea where this was going. "What are you talking about?"

Nate's grin widened. "Seems to me that I heard a certain unnamed host of ours commenting to Kathy earlier today about Kevin's ass."

JC leaned forward with interest. "Oooh."

I did not know I'd said that loud enough for Nate to hear, and the expression on my face probably conveyed that very message. Kathy was thoroughly amused by the dumbfounded looks shared by Kevin and I.

Brian tried to save me, I think. "Don't worry about it too much, Matt. Nate says stuff like that all the time."

Kevin's face went whiter still, at which point Nate delivered the killing stroke . . . "Oh stop gawking. You're hot and you know it."

We all concurred, each of us driving the knife just a little bit deeper. Brian sat uncharacteristically quiet, a fact not lost on any of us. "Don't look at me. He's my cousin."

Nate added that he found Kevin attractive again, and JC agreed smiling.

"We know," Kathy laughed. I knew where this was going.

"What?" Damn, Josh, you just walked into it.

"You're the one who asked about his girth."

Even I couldn't believe she'd actually said it aloud, and the exchange just went downhill from there. I decided to be the dutiful boyfriend, and chime in, "I don't know if I like the roving eye at all." My mistake.

"You were checking out his ass," JC added, happy to be shifting the focus from him.

"And what about staring at that clerk in the Abercrombie & Fitch?" Nate offered.

Josh smiled, "What clerk would that be?"

Great, the team attack. "I wasn't staring." Needless to say, the cheap shots kept on coming, though in all honesty, I wouldn't have let them slide either. I tried to drag Nate down with me. He tried to feign ignorance, but Brian wasn't buying. He and JC pretty well agreed not to let Nate and I out without supervision so we would behave. Kevin had to throw in a jab at the shirt as well.

That reminded me. "You should have seen the girl at the video store when she saw him, and then saw that shirt," I laughed. Brian smiled, though obviously embarrassed.

We were all very at ease with one another. We learned how JC, Brian, and Kevin got into the music business. We talked about Nate's writing. We relived some of the past between Kathy and Kevin. They asked me about nursing. We didn't solve any earth-shattering issues, but it was fun.

I started clutching my stomach in agonizing laughter.

"What?" Kathy demanded, obviously annoyed that she wasn't privy to the joke.

"Just thinking," I smiled.

"Spill," Nate barked.

I shook my head resolutely, so Brian smiled, "JC, is there anything you can do about him?"

"I'll try," he smiled. He started chewing on my ear, and he lifted the back of my shirt so he could rub my back. Kevin was a little embarrassed, but everyone else watched on in amusement. "Is there something you want to tell me, sweetheart?"

I pursed my lips and rolled my eyes. Leaning over to kiss him, I smiled, "Okay, you win."

JC leaned back and pulled me into his arms, very pleased with himself. "So talk."

"I was just thinking about all the people in the world who'd sell their eyeteeth to be a fly on the wall at this moment."

Kathy laughed when the realization hit her. "Yeah, the two divas and their bitches." That line garnered hard looks from all of us but Kevin who was just smiling.

"Not to mention an ex-girlfriend and discussions of sex, girth, and bad taste," Nate offered.

I frowned when I read more into that statement than what was there, and Kevin saw it in my eyes. He tossed a pillow squarely at my head, but seeing it coming, I dodged, letting JC take the brunt of the blow.

I noticed the time. Patting JC on the leg, I remarked, "If we're going to eat tonight, I'd better do something about it now." JC was about to get up to come help me, but I shook my head, telling him to stay and enjoy himself.

"You on the other hand," I raised my voice to Kathy, "have embarrassed enough people today, so you are going to help me."

She stuck out her bottom lip like a chastised child and begrudgingly stood.

Kevin was going to do the same, but I told him it was his vacation and I wouldn't hear of it. He looked at Kathy as if to say, "I tried," but she just smirked at him.

Kathy and I went to the kitchen, and I started for the refrigerator, where Kathy should have put the meat. I stuck my head in after I was unable to find what I was searching for. Kathy goosed me, and startled, I almost knocked myself out. Withdrawing angrily like some wounded animal, I spun to face her.

"You said you were going to do ribs tonight, right?" she asked innocently.

Quelling my building rage, I nodded, so she smiled and motioned towards the stove. My anger had passed, and I returned her smile sheepishly when I realized that she had already saved me over an hour's work getting them ready for the grill.

"Thanks," I conceded.

"Welcome," she grunted in some voice between caveman and Valley Girl. "The grill's fired up, too."

Defeated, I nodded and grabbed the pot while she started on the vegetables and headed outside. I squeezed through the partially-open patio door.

I smiled, "Okay, I know Brian and Kevin are kind of Southern, but if you get more than a hundred miles out of Memphis, people just don't know how to barbecue, so tonight, I'm going to treat you with my famous ribs."

JC looked at me with tears in his eyes. "How could you?"

Confused, I told him, "I'm sure I can find something else if you don't want ribs."

Knocking the pot from my hands and spilling its contents to the ground, he shouted, "Do you really think I'm talking about the God-damned ribs?" Shaking his hands in frustration, he stormed into the house.

I had absolutely no idea what that was about, so I looked around, hoping someone could fill me in on what I had apparently missed. Nate and Brian had that deer-caught-in-headlights look.

"Matt, I'm sorry," Kevin began, almost in tears before me. "I think I told him more than you wanted him to know." I sighed in understanding. "I'm so sorry," Kevin repeated as a tear rolled down his cheek.

I smiled and pulled him into a hug. "Don't be," I reassured him. "I was looking for a way to tell him. You just saved me the trouble and told him what I was going to anyway." He tried to smile, and I patted him on the shoulder. Funny, I wasn't mad or shocked or anything. I was almost relieved.

"Stay here," I told them, smiling, "I'll order something when I get back."

When I walked back into the house, Kathy was standing there dumbfounded with a potato in one hand and a knife in the other. "What the hell was that about?"

"Kevin let it slip," I explained succinctly.

Her jaw dropped. "Matt, I'm so sorry. I had no idea he would say anything. I told him long before you and JC got together."

"I know, hon. It's okay, really, but if one more person apologizes to me, I'm going to lose my religion. Right now, I need to find him. Where is he?"

"He went charging out the front door. Let me wash my hands, and we'll go look."

"No," I told her, grabbing my keys from the table, "you stay and order some pizzas or something. I have a pretty good idea where he is."

I quickly retraced my steps, and I was surprised at how much ground he had covered in such a short time. Parking the car, I stuffed my hands in my pockets and headed for the swings. As expected, JC was absentmindedly rocking back and forth. I could tell he had been crying, but when he heard me approaching, he tried to smile at me.

"I'm guessing that little scene I caused is why you didn't want to tell me," he stated, staring off into space.

Taking the swing next to him, I felt a tear streak down my cheek. I reached over and took his hand. Thankfully, he didn't resist. "I didn't want to tell you because I'm a coward."

He looked at me intently, caressing the back of my hand with his thumb. "How can you say that?"

"Because it's true," I admitted.

"You're a twenty-six year old single father of two who's had to overcome death and your own terminal illness, so how do you figure that makes you a coward?" he demanded.

"Because I am scared to death," I cried.

"Of the cancer?"

Shaking my head, I realized the answer wasn't that simple. "Of everything.

Of not being a nurse, of having cancer again, of falling in love, of losing you, of you losing me, of leaving my children orphans--you name it."

I hadn't noticed how hard I was crying, but he did. He pulled me out of the swing and hugged me like he was never letting go. I continued crying into his shoulder as he massaged my neck. I looked up at his face. "I'm sorry. I should have told you sooner."

He smiled down at me and wiped the tears from my face. "Yes, you should have. You're not in this alone."

"I'm finding that out more and more," I admitted. "I guess as long as the test results weren't back, I could deny what I know is true."

We walked over to a bench. I sat and pulled my knees against my chest. Josh sat behind me and wrapped his arms around me. I was concerned for a moment that someone might see us, but looking in his eyes, I knew he could care less.

"I had . . . have . . . Hodgkin's Disease." I paused, making sure I was ready to continue.

"What is that? I mean . . . ," he quickly added, thinking he'd stuck his foot in his mouth.

I patted his shoulder. "I know what you mean." I swallowed hard and explained. "It's a lymphoma, a cancer of the immune system. Because of the anatomy of the body, it can spread virtually anywhere."

I could hear him starting to cry, "And you think it's already spread?"

"I don't know," I admitted, squeezing his hand.

"Then how . . . ," his voice trailed off.

"The symptoms," I answered his unfinished question. "I've lost close to twenty pounds in the last few months, and the fever and the night sweats you know about."

He reluctantly nodded, and I continued, "I had what they call Stage IIIB Hodgkin's Disease. The B part means I had those symptoms. The three represents the pattern in which it spreads."

"How do they treat it?" he asked, concerned.

"It depends on the staging and how they treated me before. I do need the test results back before I'll know exactly what's going on?"

He gently stroked the back of my neck with his fingertips. "How did you beat it before?"

"Radiation and chemotherapy."

"Was that bad?" he cringed.

"Honestly, as bad as I felt," I remembered, "the worst part was the nausea.

I was so sick to my stomach. In addition to the weight I lost before I found out I was sick, I lost about another fifty pounds."

"Jesus," he exclaimed, "you must have looked horrible."

"I did," I agreed. "They had to feed me intravenously." I could see the comprehension in his face when I looked over my shoulder. As serious as this conversation was, I almost laughed at him tensing up at the thought of a needle.

"How long did it take you to get better?" he asked, brushing his fingers through my hair.

I craned my neck backwards and kissed him under his jaw. "That's kind of a loaded question. It took a few months before the cancer went in remission, but it was well over a year before I had any semblance of a normal life."

"When did you go through all this?" he asked, obviously starting to do the math.

"When I was eighteen," I explained. "I was in my second year of college at Harvard."

His tears intermittently dripped from his chin, but for the most part, he was taking all of this in stride. I was glad, because I was able to draw strength from him. He ran his arm down the front of my chest and lackadaisically played with the hair on my chest. "How did you get through it?"

"A little faith and luck and a lot of support from my friends," I smiled.

He bent around in front of me. "You said your friends. What about your family?"

That one hurt. "My mother died of breast cancer a year earlier, and when my father found out that he might lose someone else to cancer, he decided it was easier to not stick around."

"Asshole," Josh muttered before something dawned on him. "Where were the girls?"

"With Ashley's folks," I told him.

Another thought was emerging. "You said friends. I'm guessing Kathy, but you didn't know Scott yet." I could see what he was getting at, and I smiled, thinking he missed his true calling as a detective.

"You're right, I didn't," I confessed. "My best friend from high school was Rich, so he was there for me." I thought about it for a moment before adding, "At first, anyway."

Josh was staring at me in silence, but I could see he wasn't going to let this go. "When I was diagnosed and my father left, I was at an all-time low point in my life. Some things happened, and Rich and I wound up becoming romantically involved."

"What happened?"

"After I started getting better, he left for college. Everytime I tried to get in touch with him after that, I missed him, until finally, I got a 'Dear John' letter saying he'd made a mistake."

"I'm sorry," Josh mouthed.

I pulled his mouth onto mine and kissed him. "I'm not," I smiled. "Not anymore." Josh looked at me utterly confused. "Because if he and I were still together, I would have never known what it was like to love you."

He smiled and hugged me so tightly I could barely breathe. "How do you do it?"

I cocked an unsure smile back at him. "Do what?"

"Stay so strong," he mused.

"Strong?" I guffawed. "I'm not, not really. It's kind of like I don't have much of a choice. You and Kathy are the strong ones for wanting to stand beside me through it all."

He kissed my forehead before pushing me off of the bench. "Who said we had a choice either?"

I jumped onto him in a piggyback position. He braced himself and managed to carry me without falling to his knees and taking both of us to the ground. I chewed on his earlobe and reassured him in a whisper, "It's not all doom and gloom, you know. As far as cancers go, this one's the one to have. It's the most curable and has the best survivability rates." As soon as I said it, I wished I could have taken it back. For one brief instant, we had gotten to point where we weren't thinking about it, and I knew all too well from experience that moments like that are few and far between.

I dropped to my feet again and stopped him. He turned to face me, and when he did, I caught him completely off guard by picking him up around the waist and throwing him over my shoulder. "Come on, Skinny, we've got company waiting on us," I laughed. He rolled his eyes but caved in anyway.

Riding back to the house in silence, it was very odd. It wasn't so much uncomfortable, so to speak, as it was just awkward. We would smile at one another, and we would hold hands, but I could tell that, ultimately, something had changed.

When we got back to the house, Kathy and the guys were chowing down on pizzas. JC climbed into the floor in front of Kev and Kathy. By some unspoken agreement, no one really talked about it, though I knew it was on their minds. I wasn't really sure how I felt about that. I assumed Kathy and Kevin had filled them all in on the details, so for once, I knew I wouldn't have to hold my cards so close to my chest.

I threw my keys on the table and went into the kitchen to fix Josh and I something to drink. "Anybody want anything while I'm up?"

Assorted nays came in answer, but Kevin walked into the room as I was about to leave with the glasses. Spilling one down my shirt, Kevin's head just fell. "I'm not exactly endearing myself to you at this point, am I?"

Grabbing a towel, I wasn't really looking at him, instead trying to dry my shirt before it stained. "Don't be ridiculous, Kevin. I told you everything's fine."

His eyes were glassing over when he asked, "Why don't I believe you?"

I smiled at his concern. "Kev, I told you. I'm not mad at you, JC's not mad at you, and JC's not mad at me."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive," I assured him. "Let me fix another drink, and we'll go watch a movie" He smiled and left the room, so I replaced what had been spilled. Just before I was about to walk out, Kevin returned with a shirt. From the size, I guessed it was one of his own.

"Granted, it's lacking the personal statement made by Brian's shirt, but at least it's dry," he smiled. Surprisingly touched by the gesture, I took the shirt and put it on while he took JC's drink out to him.

"What are we watching?" I asked as I entered the room. Taking my place beside JC in the floor in front of the couch, I grabbed a piece of pizza and smiled when Brian answered, "The one I picked out for Nate."

"For me?" Nate batted his eyes. Brian just smiled at him.

I could hear a muffled "Oh, brother" coming from Kevin, who was sitting behind me, so I looked back at him, "No, he's your cousin." Kevin reached forward and thumped me on the top of the head. Turning to JC for aid, "He's picking on me."

JC just grinned. "Don't look at me. I would have done it if he hadn't."

Nate enjoyed the tables being turned. "Looks like someone else won't be getting any tonight."

JC never took his eyes off me. "We'll see about that." Pardoning the pun, he apparently thought he was up to the challenge.

As the movie began flashing across the screen, I realized how little I remembered about this movie. I enjoyed it, that much I remembered, but that wasn't saying much, since I couldn't think of many Robin Williams movies I didn't like. We continued stuffing our faces throughout the movie, but I noticed Nate conspicuously picking at his food when the movie got to a part in the movie I had almost forgotten about. My mind was reeling, but apparently, so was Nate's.

After the movie, most everyone was getting ready for bed since it was so late. I told JC to go on to the bedroom and that I would be there in a minute after I cleaned up. Kevin helped me to my feet before kissing Kathy on the cheek and telling her goodnight. I was picking up the pizza boxes when I noticed Nate was sitting there uncharacteristically quiet. He must have felt my scrutiny, because he walked out to the patio with Brian not far behind.

I set the trash down and followed to check on Nate. I poked my head out the door, not wanting to intrude. "Guys . . . ," I began but cut myself off when I saw Nate beginning to sob into Brian's chest. Brian was rubbing small circles into his back. "What's wrong?" I asked.

Brian wasn't sure, as evidenced by the helpless shrug he gave me. I walked out onto the patio and shut the door behind me. "Nate?" I posed gently. When I got no response, I asked again, "Nate? What is it?"

Brian seemed as clueless as I was, but something told me he would find out and take care of it as best he could. I tried to indicate to Brian that if he needed me to let me know, and I think he understood.

"Okay," I thought to myself. "I'll see you both in the morning?" Funny, that came out more as a question than a statement.

"Thanks, Matt," Brian replied. "Thanks for everything. We'll all be better in the morning."

Nodding in hopeful agreement, I slid back inside. Everyone else had already gone to bed, and most of the lights in the house were already out. I stopped to brush my teeth before walking into my bedroom. JC was half-asleep. I knew he would be. He was falling asleep during the movie.

"Come here, sexy," he yawned.

"That exciting, am I?" I laughed.

"You know it," he grinned, lifting my shirt over my head. He kissed my lips, my chest, and my stomach before undoing my pants. I slid out of both them and my boxers with ease, and I crawled into bed next to him. I pulled Josh close to me, not wanting to ever let him go. He rested his head across my shoulder, and in minutes, he was sound asleep. I didn't fall asleep quite so easily.

Surprisingly, I wasn't worried about me, Josh, or any combination thereof. I was worried about Nate and Brian. Just one of those gut instincts we nurses are so famous for. There was more going on there than I think even they knew. I hoped they would be able to weather whatever storms life hurled against them.

I sat and stared at the ceiling in the darkness, my night vision able to pick up small cracks I found there. That reminded me that I needed to have some things fixed around here. Finally hearing the patio door again, I listened for two sets of steps going down the hallway. When I did, I was finally at ease enough to go to sleep.

I awoke from a fitful sleep with a start, the sheets clinging to me. Quickly placing my palm on my forehead, I breathed a sigh of relief. I thought I had remembered a nightmare. The specifics of which had already left my memory, but I somehow knew that these sweats were a result of it.

I didn't really want to get up. JC was sleeping soundly next to me, looking extremely peaceful. I brushed the hair out of his face and kissed his forehead. When he didn't stir, I decided to go back to sleep.

I woke up again, completely disoriented as far as what time it was. Looking over at the clock, I realized that everyone would be getting up before too long, so I decided to make coffee.

I sat on the countertop, quickly thumbing through the newspaper while it brewed. I had just made it through the sports section when I heard the coffee-maker kick off, so I hopped down and started pouring myself a cup. I smiled when I saw Nate stumbling in.

"How you feeling?" I asked him.

He smiled back, "Je deteste me lever le matin."

Not really much of a morning person myself, I laughed, "Me, too, but you kind of get used to it when you're on call. JC would agree too, but he's still in bed."

"Brian, too," he laughed. "I get the feeling that none of us particularly like getting up."

I offered him my coffee.

"I'll love you forever."

"Don't let JC hear you say that," I laughed.

"You've got to teach that boy to share," he grinned.

The eyebrow went up instinctually. "Who says I want him to?" Pouring my own cup, "Why don't we move into the living room until the others get up. Then we can decide on breakfast."

He gave in and plopped into a chair while I pulled my feet up onto the couch. He wasn't saying something, and if he thought the transition earlier would make me lose my train of thought, he was wrong. "So are you okay?"

He shrugged and ran his hand through his hair. "I suppose so. Things just sort of piled up on me there all of the sudden."

I asked him if it was the stuff with me. He initially said yes, but then no. Finally, he settled on it being a factor. He was just scared, I could see that. "Sorry if I worried you."

"Don't worry about it," I tried to reassure him. "I definitely know what it's like to feel overwhelmed." He sort of nodded while we drank, and while I was hesitant to broach the subject, I had to say something. "I noticed that the movie last night upset you."

He seemed surprised I had caught that, but he admitted that it did, particularly the part where Neil dies. I think I knew where this was going, so I urged him to continue. He smiled and told me he didn't mind talking about it. "There are two things that are guaranteed to get me. One of them is watching someone give up like that."

I understood completely, nodding, "Kind of hits home for me, too."

He caught my meaning. "You?"

Answering the question we didn't really want to ask aloud, I again nodded, "Right after my original diagnosis. You?"

"Right after having the shit beaten out of me in high school," he said flatly.

He really didn't need to go into any further detail. I was a pretty bright guy. I hoped what I was thinking didn't show.

"So what stopped you?" he finally asked.

Damn, I just couldn't get away from him all of the sudden. "My friend Rich. He pulled me out of the water just in time."

"My dad," he answered before the inevitable question arose. "He got me to the hospital and my stomach pumped just in time."

I asked him if Brian knew, which he apparently did. He asked about JC.

"No, but I suppose he will." I paused for a second. "It's hard, isn't it?"

"Unbelievably," he agreed. After a few moments, he stood and smiled, "If you'll excuse me, I think it's more than time that my boyfriend saw the light of day."

I just smiled and asked if an hour was enough time.

"Depends on how long he takes to get up, I suppose," he laughed.

The eyebrow went up as I subconsciously read deeper meanings into that statement. I just laughed as Nate topped off his cup and headed for the back of the house.

Kevin strolled in, barely awake. He looked like one of those people who could get too much sleep. He was wearing pajama bottoms with no shirt as he went for the coffee. I marveled to myself how handsome he was. Leave it to Kathy, she always did go for the cute ones. An idea emerged, so I walked back to my bedroom to get something.

As Kevin sipped his coffee over the sink. I walked up behind him and took his arm. He looked around questioningly as I slid the shirt over his arms and onto his back. I patted his shoulder.

"Thanks," I smiled.

"It was the least I could do," he managed.

Okay, enough of this. "Kevin, will you promise me something?"

"Anything," he quickly responded.

"Stop trying to apologize and enjoy your vacation."

He deliberated for a moment before smiling and giving me a quick hug.

"Hands off!" I heard JC tease, barely conscious himself. I poured him a cup, and we all went into the living room.

Kathy came in, clad in a robe, my robe as a matter of fact. She was drying her hair. "So what's for breakfast?" she asked, entirely too damn happy for this early in the morning.

Everyone turned towards me. "Don't look at me," I laughed defensively. "After my rousing success with the ribs, it's somebody else's turn. Besides," I pointed at JC, "you and your cohorts got breakfast the other morning."

He grabbed my finger and kissed my cheek. "Fine," he smiled. "I'll cook. Just don't expect it to be good."

"Well," Kevin grinned, "Nate's friend Andrea raved over his breakfast not long ago."

"Nate, it is," Kathy quickly suggested, not really the domestic type herself.

I snatched the towel from her hands and snapped it against both her and Kevin's backsides. "Then go get him. I'm hungry."

They just laughed and ran down the hallway. I pulled JC into a tight embrace, and we both laughed when we heard Kevin yell, "BREAKFAST!"

JC just laughed and laid on top of me with his head over my heart. I kissed the top of his head, and those doe-eyes looked up at me and into my soul. "How are you?" he asked.

I thought about how to answer for a moment before smiling, "I'm doing wonderful, Mr. Chasez. How about yourself?"

His mouth drew tight, trying not to laugh as he told me that I knew what he meant, and I did. "I'm good. I slept through the night with no major incidents," I paused to add, "or interruptions like Brian and Nate are getting at this moment."

He brought his hand up and traced his fingers over the muscles in my neck. "I just thought I heard you wake up earlier."

"I did," I smiled. "It was a nightmare."

He looked at me very intently for a moment before I realized my words were biting me in the ass again. "Really, it was a nightmare. No fever," I assured him. "I went right back to sleep."

"How come you didn't wake me?" he asked, honestly sounding hurt.

"Sweetheart, it was just a nightmare. Normal people get those, and so do I."

He smiled for a second. "So when we say you're abnormal, is that necessarily a reflection on the cancer?"

I smiled back and headbutted the top of his head, earning an "Oww!" In truth, I was glad he still had his sense of humor despite everything going on around us. I brought my arms up and rested them on his back. We sat there in quiet reflection after that. I knew what he was thinking. Hell, those thoughts were hardly foreign territory for me. I could tell that he felt he had to be strong for me, which was sweet, but I wished he would just say what was in his heart. He turned his head sideways again and closed his eyes while I stroked his hair.

We both sat up when we heard Kevin and Kathy's laughter getting louder. They came back in the room apparently victorious in the battle to be the most annoying pair of all time. Kevin plopped down at the foot of the couch, forcing JC and I both to draw up our feet to keep him from sitting on them. Kathy dropped into his lap an instant later. Kevin looked over at me and smiled, and I smiled back at him.

Brian was not long behind, straggling in clad only in his boxers. "Woo," I teased. "If you're down to your boxers after only the first day here, I can't wait to see what the rest of the week brings."

Brian looked down at himself for a minute, and I could tell that his still somnolent mind was trying to weigh whether to be embarrassed or annoyed. I think he settled somewhere in between. He just nodded and walked into the kitchen.

Kevin patted Kathy on the hip, telling her to get up. When she gave him a questioning look, he just smiled, "I guess I should go see if I can get Mr. Grumpy motivated."

JC pounced on it before it had even registered with me. "Keep your pet names to yourself." He reached for his coffee cup, only to find it empty. He found the same when he picked up mine. "And get us some more coffee," he barked.

Kevin rolled his eyes and looked at me for a sign. I just shrugged. "Get your own damn coffee," he smirked at both of us.

JC looked at me, trying his best to act shocked. "Wherever did we go wrong with that boy?" he asked in his best Southern belle impression.

"In letting him pick his own girlfriends," I answered. JC laughed and helped me to my feet. I knelt over to get the mugs from the coffee table, and we went into the kitchen behind everyone else.

Brian was leaning over the table, his head flat against the wood surface. Kevin dutifully placed a steaming cup in front of him and squeezed his shoulder. Brian turned his head to the side and cocked one eye open. "Thanks," he muttered, just before drooling on my table.

I laughed and took the pot from Kevin, filling our cups. Nate walked in, obviously not amused that Kathy and Kevin had trashed whatever plans he had for Brian's wake-up call. He said nothing as he walked to the sink to discard the coffee I had poured for him earlier and get a fresh cup.

"So I'm cooking?" Nate finally asked nonchalantly before taking a sip. Without missing a beat, every one of us looked at him dead in the eyes and nodded with a smile. "I'm going to need a helper," he smiled at Brian. We were never gonna get breakfast at this rate.

Kevin's thoughts must have mirrored my own. He stepped directly in front of Nate and literally beamed. "I'll do it while Brian gets dressed."

Using my trick, Nate's eyebrow went up. "Can you take orders?"

"You bet," Kevin replied.

"Then get out of the way, you're blocking my view," Nate grinned, moving Kevin out of the way.

JC laughed, "What are you going to make?"

Nate looked at me. "Depends on what I have to work with."

"I honestly couldn't tell you what's left in there at the moment," I shrugged. "Whatever's in there is at your disposal, though."

Nate braced himself defiantly. "Well, I'm not doing anything with this many people in the room."

We all started laughing, and JC and I headed towards the living room. "Wait a minute," Nate's voice announced. "Brian, sweetie?"

"What?" Brian asked sourly.

Nate smiled. "Does it seem fair to you that they get to be together, and you and I are so rudely separated?"

Brian knew where this was going, and so did I. "Why no. That doesn't seem fair at all."

Nate nodded. "I thought not." Pointing at Kathy and I, "You and you, out of here." Turning his attentions toward Brian, "You, go get dressed." Smiling, he pointed at Kevin and JC, "You and you get to help me."

He sat there for a moment waiting for some sign of protest, but he wasn't going to get one from me. I just smiled as Kathy grabbed my waist and mechanically turned me back towards the living room. Brian was only a step or two behind.

Catching the look on Brian's face as I sat down. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Indubitably," he answered proudly.

Kathy seemed in her element, of course. "Ooh, big words, and here I was expecting a monosyllabic grunt."

"You want to hear grunting? Get a boyfriend," he smiled.

"Why?" she asked. "Yours will do just fine."

"Ding-ding-ding," I laughed. "If you ladies will return to your neutral corners, you can commence the catfight when I'm not a witness."

Kathy just smiled, and Brian reluctantly did the same. Her face grew gravely serious. "Any news yet?"

"Well, the blood count came back the same day, and it was a little abnormal, but otherwise, no news is good news. I'll probably have to play phone tag with the radiologist to get the results of my films," I answered completely devoid of emotion. When I talked about it that way, a part of me just treated it like some patient instead of me.

Kathy nodded and smiled, but when I looked over at Brian, he was visibly uncomfortable with the topic at hand, so I changed the subject. "Brian," I began, grabbing his attention, "I happen to know two HUGE Backstreet Boys fans."

"Really?" he perked up.

Kathy started to say something, but I quickly barked, "Shut up, size queen." Kathy just grinned at me, but safely back in her box for the moment.

"Actually," I continued, turning back towards Brian, "there are two eleven year old girls who are dying to meet you."

He smiled. "I can't believe you have two kids that old."

"Tell me about it," I replied.

"But you're only like what--twenty-six?" he asked.

"Yep," I confirmed. "Won't be twenty-seven for a couple of months."

"That's incredible. I'd like to meet them."

"Funny you should say that," I grinned. "You're under absolutely no obligation, I want to say first and foremost, but they're having a dance at their school later this week."

"Okay," he said reluctantly, but smiling, enjoying making me sweat.

"And I'm under parental obligation number 101 to ask you all if you can be there," I smiled. "Kevin's already going with us, so really, don't feel you have to."

"I think it sounds like fun," he stopped me. "Let me talk it over with Nate."

"Absolutely," I smiled again.

About that time, Kevin came back in laughing. I shot a questioning look in his direction. "I got paroled," he explained. "Your boyfriend wasn't quite so lucky." He sat down beside Kathy and just stayed that way, with that mischievous grin plastered on his face.

"You're evil," I grinned back at him.

"From you," he smiled, "I'll take that as a compliment."

"I was asking Brian if he wanted to come with us to the girls' school," I told him.

"Sounds like fun," Brian interjected.

Kevin nodded, and we all became silent. Kathy grabbed the remote control from atop the television. "I can't take this," she laughed. "You guys are boring the hell out of me."

We all just kind of laughed, and looking at my watch. "I wouldn't get too bored over there, miss thing." She seemed puzzled, so I explained, "Didn't you say you needed to go into the office for a little bit."

Her shoulders fell like all the air had just been let out of her balloon. "No fair," she pouted.

"That's why you make the big bucks," I teased.

"Excuse me, but there are three successful musicians, one best-selling novelist, and a nurse who happens to be a millionaire under this roof at the moment," she reminded. "How exactly do you figure that the woman who hasn't even made junior partner is the one with the most cheese in this group?"

"I think you're very cheesy," I assured her. Kevin nodded in agreement.

"Burn in hell, the whole lot of you," she told us as sweetly as she could manage.

"What did I do?" Brian asked.

She rolled her eyes at him. "You're related to him," she answered, motioning towards Kevin.

Brian grabbed the pillow and hurled it directly into Kevin's face. "Thanks a lot."

"I want to take the day off," she cried.

"Then call in sick," Brian suggested.

"I'll never make junior partner that way," she told him. Sinking into her seat, she began scanning the channels. "Why can't it be that simple anymore?"

Confused, I looked at the television screen. Seeing the cast of "Sesame Street" dance across the screen, I laughed and asked her, "So you want to go back to a time when people had to make you take naps, you had to write with the fat pencils, and controlling your bodily functions was a major achievement?"

"Who said that's changed?" Kevin offered. Her biting his nose was his reward.

"If 'An Evening at the Improv' is over with, might I ask what you clowns want to do today?" I asked, motioning for Kathy to shut up before the words could pass her lips.

"Don't feel you need to keep us entertained?" Brian offered. "I think Nate and I would rather just hang around the house today. We ran ourselves ragged bouncing from his place in Toronto to the concert in Denver before coming here."

"Speak for yourself there, white bread," Kevin laughed. "Not all of us can lounge around the house cuddling all day."

Kathy just giggled. "I don't think your girlfriend, past or present, would approve, since it wouldn't exactly be with either one of us."

"Anyway," Kevin ignored her, "I've been cooped up in hotels forever." He turned towards me. "I'd like to get out of the house, if you don't mind."

"Not at all," I smiled. "I have absolutely no idea what we'll do, but we'll figure out something." I smiled at Brian. "I guess you want me to make sure I get JC out of here, too, huh?"

"Unless he wants to join us?" Brian mused.

"Kevin," I said flatly, never taking my eyes off of Brian, "I hope you have other cousins."

Kevin just laughed. "I do."

"Hey, I'm being outnumbered here," Brian laughed. "I need to get my boyfriend in here to defend me."

"Might I remind you," I pointed out, "that if he hadn't snagged my boyfriend, my attention might be distracted from you, so technically, it's his fault you're outnumbered."

"I'll bear it in mind," he smiled.

I just laughed at him, and we all sat there watching "Sesame Street" of all things until JC entered the dining room bearing pancakes. Seeing them out of the corner of my eye, I headed for the table. "Thanks," he said over his shoulder to Nate, who was right behind him.

"That's what I'm here for," Nate smiled. "Well, that and apparently to serve as kitchen bitch."

"Don't forget Irish washerwoman," I added, breaking up their laughter. "That reminds me--heavy on the fabric softener, light on the starch."

Nate rolled his eyes for a second before smiling. "Okay. I guess anything would be better than that shit you call syrup."

It was my turn to roll my eyes. I really needed to show him what log cabin syrup in the nostalgic can would do when he swallowed it, can and all. Nate apparently picked up on my thoughts, because he just smiled at me.

"Speaking of which," JC tried valiantly to save him, "why don't I get that shit we call syrup. From the looks of things, we forgot the butter and coffee, too." I smiled when he realized his distraction technique wasn't working. "Not cute enough," he whispered under his breath. "Why don't you," he pointed to Nate, "go get everyone before breakfast becomes a particularly unappealing lunch."

Nate just smiled and followed the instructions he was given.

I sat down at the table, and JC dropped into my lap. I exhaled loudly when he did, and he looked at me questioningly. Trying desperately to keep a straight face, I asked, "What? You have put on a few pounds there, Captain Couch-Potato."

He leered at me with a menacing glare, but it was soon replaced by a clever grin. "Then I guess we'll just have to come up with some high-impact exercises."

I feigned a shock look on my face. "But I'm a sick man."

His face never moved, he just calmly retorted, "I don't recall asking you about your mental well-being. I just want to use you for your body."

I smiled, "Well, in that case, I'm all yours."

He smiled back, "You better be."

Without warning, a woman's high-heeled shoe came crashing into my skull. I spun to find Kathy buttoning the side of her skirt, her slip still hanging beneath. Her silk blouse hung loosely from her shoulders as she stood there in her bra, and I noticed that her stocking feet were missing a shoe. Her blond hair hung in various strings from her head. I had to give it to her--the girl could change clothes faster than anyone I had ever met in my life. Extending my hand towards her, I held out her shoe. "Lose something, dear?"

Tucking her blouse back into her skirt, she yanked the shoe from me, "Yeah, to a guy named Billy in the back of a Chevy. Any other questions?"

"Yeah, for starters, why are you throwing your street-corner invitations at my head?"

"For smartass comments like that," she answered nonchalantly as she slid her heel into the shoe. "Any good questions?"

"Yeah," JC chimed in. "Does the word modesty exist in your vocabulary?"

I smiled, and so did she. "In my vocabulary--yes, but in my world--no. Besides, there's only one guy in this house who might be even remotely interested, and he and I have slept together, so what's the point?"

About that time, Kevin rounded the corner to catch the tail-end of the conversation. "Kathy!"

Brian and Nate were not far behind. Brian just smirked out of one side of his mouth. "Oh, yeah, cuz, that's a shocker." They sat across from JC and I, and Kevin sat beside me.

"I'm outta here, guys. I'll see you later on today," Kathy announced, grabbing her purse.

Nate looked almost offended. "Not going to eat anything? Breakfast is the most important meal of the day," he reminded us in a way reminiscent of some old television show.

Kathy grabbed a piece of toast and took a bite. With her mouth still full, "There, Martha Stewart, are you happy?" Nate just rolled his eyes. Kathy leaned over to kiss Kev on the cheek. She proceeded to do the same to the rest of us. She paused at Nate. "I guess I probably don't know you well enough to kiss you," she said stoically. Finally, she grabbed his head, turned it sideways, and kissed him fully. "What the hell?" she smiled. "Hasta lasagna," she added on her way out the door.

We all sat there in an awkward silence for a minute before Nate finally looked at me and asked, "Is she always like that?"

Kevin and I almost said in unison, "No." He just looked at me and laughed. I motioned for him to continue. "Sometimes she's strange."

Nate just smirked knowingly, and I wondered exactly what he was getting from that statement. He let it pass, so I decided to let it do the same.

Kevin stood and started passing food onto everyone's plates. I could tell he was used to doing family type dinners where there were a lot of people. I got lost in the moment and thought to myself how good of a father it seemed he would make. We tore into the meal, continuing on in conversation and pleasantries. At one point, Brian remarked how good everything was, and I could see the words forming on JC's tongue. I stepped on his toe with the heel of my foot, causing him to almost leap from the table. Everyone looked at us in befuddlement, but I could see that Nate knew I was trying to let his boyfriend's compliment slide without comments from the peanut gallery--myself included. He just nodded.

After finishing inhaling the food, we talked a while longer. Finally, I pushed myself away from the table and patted my stomach. "I think it's time for my run."

"Hang back a sec, and I'll come with," Kevin offered, clearing the plates.

"Not me," Josh chirped. "I'm going back to sleep."

Before Nate could even make a face, I grabbed JC by the elbow. "Oh, no, you aren't. You're going to."

"But I want to go back to bed," he pouted.

I leaned over and whispered into his ear, "Come with me now, and I'll go to bed with you later." He smiled and mouthed, "Okay."

Nate was smiling, so I leaned over and whispered into his ear, "Don't get too excited there, Shakespeare. We'll have to come home to get cleaned up before we can go out again." Nate smiled and tugged on my sleeve, whispering into my ear, "That's okay. I can at least get a quickie to hold me over."

Brian abruptly tugged Nate away from me. "Hey, no fair. Everyone's getting talked dirty to but me and Kevin."

I smiled and immediately countered, "Jealous, are we? I was just telling them what a hot three-way you and your cousin would make."

Kevin didn't even roll his eyes, but that didn't stop him from going beet-red. "Was that really necessary, Matt?"

I smiled and massaged his shoulders, "Sorry, Kev. Couldn't resist."

"Yeah," he smirked, "I could tell you were really pondering your dilemma."

I patted him on the back and momentarily considered pinching his ass on his way into the kitchen, but I decided against it. JC was just watching on in earnest, and Nate was busy picking up Brian's jaw, which had dropped in response to my comment.

JC and Kev and I went to the back of the house to change into some running clothes. We quickly met up by the door, and I pushed them out. "The house is yours," I smiled at Nate. He just nodded as he and Brian sat down on the couch, and I shut the door behind us.

As we walked from the house down the driveway, JC asked me, "So where are we going?"

I looked at him perplexed. "What do you mean where are we going? We're going running."

His face scrunched into a frown. "You mean you were serious? I thought you were just getting us out of the house so Nate and Brian could be alone."

Kevin just laughed as he stopped to lace up his shoes. I turned back to JC. "That was part of it, but I run everyday--twice a day if I can, as a matter of fact."

He stuck his lip out in a quizzical expression. "Okay."

I smiled and leaned over to whisper to him, "If you have any plans on working up a sweat later, I'd better see some sweating now."

He looked at me and sarcastically replied, "You're evil."

Kevin just started laughing again. "I think we'd already established that," he offered.

JC picked up the gauntlet, "Oh, shut up and run, Mr. Body Beautiful."

Kevin started to redden, but I grabbed his hand and helped him to his feet before we took off running in the general direction of the park. I could tell by his breathing that JC wasn't going to be a happy camper by the end of the run, but Kevin was hanging with me without difficulty. It wasn't all that late in the morning, but luckily the temperature wasn't too bad, and there were minimal spectators. Most wouldn't be able to recognize the guys from a quick glance, but I didn't want to complicate things. Lord knows there was enough of that going around.

"So did you call Carrie and let her know you made it in safe?" I asked Kevin.

"Not really," he answered without taking his eyes from the road. I wasn't sure if he was concentrating on the task at hand that fully or if he was just trying not to think about the question. I honestly wasn't trying to pry or anything like that, but I could tell there was something in what he wasn't saying.

"And that's not really an answer," JC sort of huffed.

"JC!" I snapped.

"It's okay, Matt. He's right." Again, he didn't look at either of us, so I stopped in my tracks and outstretched my arm to signal JC to do the same. Kevin noticed almost immediately and turned towards me. "What?" Kevin asked.

"I was going to ask you the same thing," I told him truthfully.

He half-smiled to add some levity. "I guess it's just kind of awkward. Carrie doesn't really know all that much about Kathy."

"Exactly how much is not all that much?" JC prodded.

"Practically none," he confessed.

I motioned with my hand for him to continue, so he elaborated, "I don't know why. I'm just not sure."

"Of what?" I asked, continuing, "Of how Carrie will react?"

"I guess so," he said simply as he started running again. JC and I did the same.

"If it's any consolation, from what little I know about her, I think she'd be very understanding," I offered.

"I don't doubt that in the least," he smiled.

"Then what is it?" I asked again.

"I guess I had to see Kathy again to be sure," he admitted.

"To see if you still had feelings for her?" JC asked.

"Yeah," he answered flatly.

"Which you do," I said aloud.

"Yeah, but it's not the same. Kathy was probably the first great love of my life, which is why I asked her to marry me."

"You what?" I almost shouted, stopping cold. JC and Kevin did the same.

"I asked her to marry me," Kevin repeated.

"What did she say?" JC wondered.

"No," Kevin and I answered in unison. I knew Kathy well enough to know the answer. He smiled at me and started running again. JC and I followed his lead. He continued, "She said she couldn't be a part of the life I lead, no matter how much she loved me."

"What did you say?" JC pondered.

"What could I say?" he answered in kind. "I told her that I couldn't ask her to live the life I do, but that she would always be a part of my life."

"You're not a half-bad romantic," I smiled at him.

"I guess," he responded bashfully.

"When was all this?" I asked with verdant curiosity.

"Two, maybe three months ago," he told me. "She didn't tell you any of this?"

"No," I frowned. "I only knew you as Kevin until less than a week ago. Kathy's always tried to shelter me. She thinks I'm fragile or something, which I hate."

"I can relate," he laughed. "She always mother-henned me too, but I must confess, she told me that she's tried to run defense for you ever since Rich."

His words almost froze me, and looking at his face, I was certain I understood his meaning. Ironically, we were not far from a swing set, so I sat down and pulled JC beside me. Kevin seemed to know what this was about, so he made himself scarce for a few minutes.

"So now what haven't you told me?" JC asked half-serious.

"Funny you should say that," I tried to laugh.

"You've got to be kidding," his face blanched.

I just shook my head and looked to the ground. He pulled my chin up to face him. "Well, we've made it this far. Don't stop now."

"After I first learned I had cancer, I tried to kill myself," I said flatly, bracing for the worst.

"I wondered," he commented almost absentmindedly.

"What?" I asked, my own surprise evident.

"Last night, during the movie. Something about your reaction to that guy's death. I thought about it most of the night."

"You never cease to amaze me," I admitted.

He just smiled, and the two of us stood, starting to look for Kevin. "What happened?" he asked, "So I'll know what to watch for."

I smiled when I realized that his almost blase reaction was his way of coping and being protective. "I got drunk and tried to drown myself," I began, "but my friend Rich pulled me out."

"I guess I have that to thank him for," he smiled.

I just nodded. "He and I became involved after that. I'm not sure if he ever really loved me or if he was just trying to be there for me. Does that make sense?"

"Perfect," he agreed.

I caught Kevin out of the corner of my eye and waved him towards us. "Thanks," I told him.

"Anytime," he answered, "but for now, we may want to start heading back. I hadn't realized how long we'd been out."

Glancing down at my watch, I understood his concern. "You're right," I smiled. "Come on, but you're calling Carrie when we get back to the house."

He smiled, apparently conceding to my meddling. "Thanks," he said.

"Anytime," I mimicked.

When we got home, I carefully entered first. When I was satisfied that we weren't going to be barging in on Nate and Brian, I threw my keys on the table. I pulled my shirt over my head, "I'm going to take a shower."

"Me, too," JC smiled.

"Care to join me?" I invited as Kevin looked on bemused.

"Nah," JC shook his head. "It would turn into an all-day affair, and I think Mr. Richardson here wanted to get out."

Kevin held up his hands, "Don't stop on my account. I'm sure I can find something to keep myself entertained."

Grabbing the both of them around their necks, I smiled, "No, as much as I hate to admit it, he's right." JC smiled cockily, obviously very pleased with himself. I pulled away from them and grabbed the portable phone. I handed it to Kevin without saying a word. He just nodded, and JC and I headed for the back.

The steaming water blasted the dirt and grime from my skin. I reveled in the simple comfort it provided and stood there, my head held before the shower's path, water pouring from the sides of my head down to my feet. I stood there long enough that I really lost track of time, so forced myself out of the stall. Shuddering as the cool air brushed my damp skin, I tightened my toes on the carpet and pulled my robe around me. I reached for a towel to dry my hair when I realized the other shower was still running.

I picked up the towel in my hand and left my bathroom. I quietly entered the other one (whoever designed the house had failed to put locks on the bathroom doors by either neglect or design). I set my towel on the sink and peeled my robe off. I stepped into the oversized stall behind the showering figure, who turned to face me when he heard the door.

Kevin and I both screamed. I almost broke through the glass trying to get out, and he, too, couldn't get out fast enough. I heard him grunt in pain when he slammed himself against the faucet. I quickly pulled my robe around me and handed him my towel, which he wrapped around his waist.

The door flew open, and there stood Nate, Brian, and JC. I think the realization of what had transpired came to Nate first, but he said nothing. The same could not be said for Brian and JC. When they both put two and two together, they began laughing hysterically. Kevin and I were both so flabbergasted that we couldn't utter a sound. Nate saved me and grabbed the village idiots and led them away from the bathroom.

"Kevin, I'm so sorry. I thought you were JC," I explained.

"I assumed as much," he laughed. "Carrie was out of the office, so JC used the phone to call Justin while I took a shower."

"Unfortunately, my expert medical opinion is that neither of us can die of embarrassment, so I guess we'll just have to get through this."

"I think we can manage," he smiled. I returned the expression and started for the bedroom. Despite everything, I couldn't resist, so over my shoulder, I muttered aloud "Nice ass" just loud enough for Kevin's reflection in the mirror before me to turn a deep red.

In the hall, I saw Brian and JC snickering. I wheeled to face them. "So help me, if either of you two clowns says one word to embarrass him any more than he already is, I swear you'll wish to God you hadn't."

JC just motioned that his lips were sealed. I think Brian was too stunned at my threat to say anything intelligible. Nate, however, found this situation even more funny than the one in the bathroom, because he was rolling hysterically on the couch. JC squelched a grin and kissed me on the cheek. "I really am going to take a shower now." I smiled at him and went to my bedroom for a change of clothes.

Tucking my shirt into my jeans, I walked back into the living room. Nate was sprawled across the couch with Brian on the floor in front of him eating a bowl of cereal. I looked at Brian in wonder. "Eating again?"

He smiled, milk dribbling out the sides of mouth. "I'm a growing boy."

Nate sardonically added, "And he worked up an appetite."

I shook my head in laughter. "Too much info."

"What? You shower with my cousin but some little innuendo is going to embarrass you?"

I just stared at him. "Eat your damn cereal."

Kevin appeared a few moments later, fully dressed and seemingly still self-conscious, but he was making a concerted effort to hide it. He sat on the armrest beside me, and I fought the urge to smile.

"So now where to?" Brian asked me.

"I thought I'd take them down to Tunica," I answered.

"Where?" Nate chimed in.

"It's in Mississippi, about half an hour or so from here," I explained. "It was probably the poorest region in the country until the casinos moved in about ten years ago, I guess."

"Sounds like fun," Brian remarked.

"Well, there are a ton of them down there," I informed him, "so if you guys want to go sometime, they're open twenty-four and seven."

"I'm ready," JC announced as he walked in, shaking the water from his hair like a dog.

"Like hell you are," I smirked. "Go dry your head before you catch your death of pneumonia."

"Yes, mother," he smiled as he left the room. The rest of us just laughed.

Kevin was still visibly red and apparently expecting the worst, so he changed the subject. "So what did you two do while we were running?"

Nate piped in before Brian had a chance. I was sure something was going on in that head of his, but as to what is was, I hadn't a clue. Nate feigned innocence and told us that he had cleaned the breakfast dishes after they got up from the couch. Yeah, that really took the whole time we were gone.

"Then your girlfriend called and interrupted," Brian interjected, seeing my knowing expression. "Dumped a bunch of work on my boyfriend."

"You talked to Carrie?" Kevin asked, and the way he asked it put my gears in motion, reminding me what we had talked about earlier. He was apparently on the same wavelength, and I saw it in his eyes when he looked at me. I could see out of my peripheral vision that Nate and Brian were both aware that there was something they weren't privy to here. I saw Brian's lips moving in elaboration, but I honestly didn't hear what he was saying until I caught his last word--"Why?"

Kevin assured them that there was no reason, then his mean streak emerged, and he started putting the pieces together in respect to the sequence of events that transpired while we were gone. He went for the throat, determined to embarrass them.

It worked. Brian blushed as he explained, "We got distracted."

I fought to prevent a smile from emerging. "Gotta hate distractions."

Nate's eyebrow went up in a way reminiscent of me, and he told me I needed a different distraction.

"I think I do a pretty good job," JC laughed as he appeared in front me. Sitting in the floor, he rested his back against my legs. I lackadaisically ran my fingers through his hair. Though not my intent, I could tell he had dried his hair.

I realized that Brian's earlier comment about Carrie meant that Nate was going to be fairly occupied with the book, so I asked if Brian was joining us. Nate smiled and told me that Brian had his own stuff to do and asked if I had a computer he could borrow.

I affirmed that I did, though the question struck me as strange. Nate explained, and Kevin seemed surprised. He asked Nate if Brian was getting to read the book.

"Yep," Brian beamed, earning himself a tap on the head from Nate, who told us it was a different story. Kevin smiled, obviously taking some deeper meaning from it.

Nate said something else, but I was honestly too engrossed in trying to figure out what it was that I was missing. Brian shook me back to reality when he asked if they could have a key in case they decided to go out.

"Sure can," I smiled. "I'll go and get them both." I stood, gently moving my legs from behind JC. I walked back to my bedroom and snagged the laptop before grabbing the spare key from the hook in the kitchen. I set the computer down and handed the key to Brian. "On that note, why don't we let you two get to it?" The minute the words escaped me, I realized how that could be interpreted. Kevin and JC laughed, and Brian blushed. Nate just smiled and nodded, so I grabbed the two hyenas and pushed them out the door.

We hopped into the car and headed for the interstate.

We didn't make it very far before my curiosity got the better of me. "Okay, Kevin, I'll bite."

"I'll say," JC smiled.

"Keep it up, funny man, and you'll be sleeping alone," I smirked.

He was starting to laugh harder. "Think about how much of a contradiction in terms that last sentence was."

It dawned on me what he was implying, so rather than continue, I turned to Kevin and ignored the comment entirely. "I take it that it's a big deal for Nate to let someone read his work before it's done."

"Definitely, though despite Brian's best efforts, even he can't get a peek at the new book."

"Though I'm sure he's trying his hardest," JC added. I just closed my lids to keep everyone from seeing my eyes roll back in my head at that last inference.

"So how long will Kathy be today?" Kevin asked me.

"Probably not too much longer. She may get home before us," I answered.

"We can hope, can't we?" he smiled, and I realized that he wanted Kathy to interrupt them.

"You are evil," I smiled.

"Flattery will get you everywhere," he returned.

"It better not," JC threatened. Kevin and I just laughed.

We continued on with a lot of small talk for the rest of the ride. Something occurred to me as we hit the strip. "How was Justin?" I asked.

"He's fine," JC answered, not really following the transition. "He's having a good time with his grandparents. He said for us to make sure we call him before the end of the week so he can see Brian and Kev."

"Sounds like fun," Kevin smiled. "I haven't seen him in forever."

"Oh, and he said he's coming with us to the girls' school, and that no one was talking him out of it."

"Okay," I laughed, pulling into the parking space. "We'll go get him the day before."

We walked into the casino, and JC immediately parked himself on one of the stools in front of a slot machine. I almost laughed to myself when I realized it was one of the quarter machines. While it wasn't the cheapest thing in the place, I was impressed that some inbred sensibility prevented him from frivolously throwing away his money, regardless of how much he had.

I took the stool next to him, and Kevin took the one next to me.

Kevin almost fell off the stool in laughter when JC got carded. Luckily, it was an older black man who seemed to have no clue in the universe as to who he was. I cocked a half-smile at Kevin and laughed, "What's so funny, old man? Apparently you and I look as old as we feel." That stole the smile for only a moment, before he contented himself with a grin.

I laughed at him, but he was content with pulling the arm of the one-armed bandit in front of him. I would have been, too. We had been there only a few minutes and Kevin was up over a hundred dollars. JC and I weren't faring as well, so we decided to go to the tables. Kevin said he would join us in a few minutes, but right now he wanted to continue to try his luck on that machine.

I sat down at the blackjack table, and JC took the seat next to me. We remained in this position for well over an hour. Kevin caught up with us, and I barely noticed when he took JC's seat. Kevin wound up losing about three hundred of the four hundred plus dollars he'd won in just a few minutes. He looked at the chips in front of me and just shook his head. "It's all you."

I nodded a smile towards him as he headed back towards the slots. I lost track of time until Kevin and JC both came over and stood behind me, looking over my shoulders. "I'm hungry," JC pouted. "Breakfast was a long time ago." Kevin shook his head in agreement.

"Okay," I smiled, "let's go get something to eat." I gathered my chips, and three of us went into one of the casino's restaurants.

"What's good?" Kevin asked.

"Honestly," I confessed, "I couldn't tell you. I only come down here about once every year or so, and that's usually just when my cousins come to town and visit."

"You could have fooled me, you card sharp," Kevin laughed.

A waitress came over to take our orders. "What'll you have?"

"Ribs?" Kevin answered in more a question than statement. He looked over at me with his head cowed. I just smiled at him. JC squeezed my knee.

"Do you want a full slab or a half slab?" she asked.

"Go for the gusto," I encouraged him.

"Okay. I'll take the full slab. If we have leftovers, I can take them home to Kathy," he agreed. Before his mouth had barely opened, I poked JC in the ribs and warned him, "One doggy bag comment, and you'll walk home." He quickly closed his mouth and smiled.

"Wet or dry, sir?" she asked Kevin.

I looked at JC and mouthed the word "Don't." He shrugged like he wasn't thinking anything. I knew better. Kevin was trying not to laugh and draw attention. "Wet," he answered.

JC smiled as the waitress took the rest of our orders. She brought back some glasses of iced tea before moving on to another table. I smiled to myself.

"What?" Kevin asked.

"Well," I started, "it's no mint julep, but it'll have to do." He and JC gave me a halfhearted laugh, but I realized that the joke was lost on anyone but Nate. We continued with small talk for a while, and the waitress finally came with our orders.

"Here you go," she smiled.

"Thanks, Connie," Kevin returned, reading her name tag.

She smiled back at him. "Oh, yeah," I thought to myself. "Kevin could have company tonight if he wanted it." Kevin glanced at me out of the corner of his eye, and he apparently knew what I was thinking because he blushed. "Well, if there's anything you fellas need, don't hesitate to ask," she offered before leaving.

The food wasn't the best I'd ever had, but it was pretty good. Plus, we were all hungry. That alone will pretty well guarantee that any meal is a rousing success. We were pretty well stuffed to the gills when Connie came back with our check. We all reached for it simultaneously, and when we tried to pull it away from one another, it tore into several pieces.

Connie cocked her head to one side and put her hand on her hip. "Tell you what, I'll take care of the check if I could ask you guys to do me a big favor." JC and Kevin both looked at he questioningly, but Kevin reluctantly said, "Okay, we're listening."

"Well," she began to explain, "there's a girl in the private dining room who just turned twenty-one today, and she doesn't seem to be having a very good time at her party. It seems the guy she's been going out with dumped her this morning. I was wondering if there might be some way I could persuade two very handsome and charming singers to try and cheer her up."

I looked at her to see if she was serious, and she was. JC just smiled, "So you did know who we are?"

"Of course," she smiled. "My daughters would disown me if I didn't know who you both were."

"Tell me about it," I added.

"So you want us to sing for our supper?" Kevin asked to keep from laughing.

"Something like that," she smiled, "but dinner's on me, whatever your decision." I liked her.

"Lead the way," JC announced. Kevin and I were just a few steps behind him. Connie led the way to the private dining room. Somehow, it was more than I was expecting. It was bigger than my high school gymnasium. There was a throng of people on the dance floor, and some local band was on stage performing. Kevin whispered something into JC's ear, and he nodded in agreement.

JC made his way to the stage and started talking to the band. The music abruptly stopped, and many people in the room were looking around in confusion. Connie pointed out the birthday girl, who was staring idly at her plate. Kevin walked over to her, and I just barely made him out to ask, "May I have this dance?" JC took the keyboard player's position and began to sing into the microphone. When the girl looked up and saw Kevin, she also looked up on stage. Taking a chair, I smiled to myself because the girl was in total disbelief.

The girl took Kevin's hand, and the two of them began making their way across the floor. JC was singing a song I was almost unable to identify. It was off of their album, but it wasn't one that was immediately recognizable. In fact, if I hadn't heard it so recently, even I wouldn't have known it. It was a slow ballad, and everyone seemed to be enjoying it.

Connie was sitting beside me. I looked over at her and pointed out, "Somehow, I doubt this is in the job description."

She smiled, "It's not, but sometimes, you have to bend the rules to get the job done." Her words echoed through me, and I turned my attention back to the floor, intermittently watching Kevin and JC. I watched JC's eyes, and I noticed him singing to me as much as he dared. I smiled to myself thinking how much of a romantic he really was. I made a mental note.

The song ended, and Kevin gave the girl a kiss. JC came down from the stage, and the two of them signed autographs for a while. I turned to Connie, "Don't you want autographs for your kids?"

She just smiled again. "It would be nice, but I think I've imposed enough.

As a matter of fact, I should probably get back to work."

A light bulb went off. "Tell you what," I began. "Why don't you give me your address, and I'll make sure you get something autographed?" She looked at me uncertainly, as if she didn't know whether to believe me, but she scrawled out the information on her ticket book and handed it to me before disappearing from the room.

The guys finally made their exits, and we went back towards the casino on our way to the car. I realized I still had the chips in my pocket, so I stopped at the roulette wheel. Kevin was staring at me curiously, but I told JC to bet it all. He seemed even more unsure than Kev, but I told him to go ahead.

He placed the chips on the table, and I thought I was going to have to pick him up off the floor when they announced a different number. As they swept the chips from the table, JC looked at me apologetically, "Sorry, I guess I'm not very lucky." As we started out the door, I whispered to him, "We'll see about that tonight."

Kevin was only mildly embarrassed, but he smiled anyway. We piled back into the car to head back for the house. It was pretty late, all things considered, and I was getting tired. I asked Kevin if he would mind driving if I gave him directions.

"Not at all," he grinned. He and I switched places, and JC and I sat in the back-seat. JC laid his head in my lap and fell asleep in no time. I stroked his hair and watched him sleep. I was drowsy, but I stayed awake enough to tell Kevin when to turn. I kept catching him watching us in the rearview mirror.

"What?" I laughed.

"You two make a good couple," he smiled.

"Thanks," I said, more than a little shocked.

We continued the rest of the way in silence. No particular reason other than I was tired and he was too busy watching the road. When we pulled into the driveway, I woke up, unaware that I had fallen to sleep. "How long was I asleep?" I asked him.

"About twenty minutes," he answered, putting the car in park.

"Did you find it okay?"

"No problem. I'm pretty good with directions," he smiled as he got out of the car.

"Not to mention dance steps. I forgot to tell you how impressed I was with the way you moved on the floor earlier."

He blushed at the compliment as I roused JC. After rubbing his eyes a few seconds, JC seemed to wake up enough for us to get out of the car. "Thanks," Kevin commented on my earlier statement. "Since I am a professional dance instructor, it pays to at least look like you know what you're doing," he smiled.

"You're just full of surprises, aren't you, Mr. Richardson?" I teased as I unlocked the door.

Nate was curled up on the couch. Kathy had made herself comfortable in some blue jeans and a T-shirt, and she and Brian were washing dishes in the kitchen. She craned her neck around to see us, but Nate looked half-asleep.

I wasn't entirely sure that he or Brian had heard us come in.

Kevin deposited my keys on the table and looked to me for approval. I nodded to let him know that he had put them exactly where I would have. He walked over to Kathy and extended his hand. She took it, and they walked into the living room and sat down.

Apparently Nate had heard me, and he asked how rich we were. JC and I took our cues from Kevin and started rattling off the numbers in our bank books, so he clarified his question. Damn, just take all the fun out of it. Kevin blamed me for his misfortune, so I blamed JC. He protested for a minute, but he realized I was only teasing.

I recounted their singing exploits for the evening, after an off-color remark by Kevin brought out the bitch in Kathy. I couldn't help but laugh. Kathy embarrassed Kevin, again, and surprisingly, it was JC who saved him from himself and asked if we wanted to watch a movie. Brian suggested we find something other than the movies we rented--a bit too depressing.

I smiled and told them to find something on pay-per-view. JC squeezed my hand and gave me a look. I knew he would rather go on to bed. In honesty, so would I. Unfortunately, my Southern sensibilities to be the dutiful host dictated that I do otherwise. I gave him a helpless expression, and he smiled. He squeezed my hand again before releasing it and heading across the room. He grabbed some blankets and some pillows and began making a place for us in front of the television.

I walked into the kitchen to grab some sodas. If I had to be up another two hours, I needed some help. Nate strolled in casually and went to the refrigerator. "Have fun today?" I asked him.

"Honestly, would you believe that he and I pretty much slept all day?" he retorted without pulling his head from behind the door.

"Yes, I would," I assured him. "If you'd been doing anything too fun, Kathy would have already called attention to it."

He emerged with a drink and a smile. "I appreciate the alone time," Nate thanked me. "I got a little work done, even with the distraction."

I grinned and grabbed drinks for everybody. We started out of the kitchen when the phone rang. "It never fails," I smiled. Looking at the caller ID, I didn't recognize the number. I guess it showed on my face.

Nate looked at me funny, so I shook it off and smiled at him. "You go ahead. I'll be in in a minute." He reluctantly agreed, and I grabbed the phone.

"Hello?" It was David from the hospital. He'd been trying to call since early today. He finally gave up and waited until he got home to try again. He was deliberately avoiding pleasantries, so I knew where this was going. He told me that the preliminary report was back, and it was exactly what I thought it was. I sat there motionless with the phone in my ear. I finally recognized David's voice asking me if I was okay. I told him I was fine, and after an Oscar-caliber performance, he agreed to hang up. I did the same.

I didn't know quite how to react. It came as no great shock, but by the same token, it wasn't exactly news you were ever really ready for. I grabbed the drinks in my hands and spun around towards to living room. In fact, I spun right around into Kevin, spilling the drinks all over me.

"This is getting to be quite a habit," he forced himself to smile.

"How much did you hear?"

"Enough," he said. "Wait right here."

I started after him, not sure what he was about to do, but when I hit the doorway, I saw everyone looking back at me. I realized that if I didn't want to cause a scene that would force me to explain everything, I'd better do as Kevin said. He emerged with the shirt from this morning. "Here," he offered. "It seems like the longer I'm here, the more shirts you're going to need."

I smiled and took the shirt. "About what you heard . . . ."

"Tell me how you want me to handle it. I figure that after yesterday, I should probably let you do things in your own way."

"Thanks," I managed. "I don't want everyone knowing just yet, maybe not until after you guys are gone."

Kevin made a face. "Okay, if that's what you want. Maybe we should get out of your hair."

I finished putting on the dry shirt. "Kevin, exactly how do you think your being here affects things one way or the other?"

"I don't know," he offered weakly. "I just think you've got enough to deal with without having to put up with us."

"I don't have to do anything," I reminded him, "and in case you hadn't noticed, I happen to like you being here. If Kathy's told you as much as I think she has, then you, of all people, should understand that the last thing I need is someone running out on me again."

"Matt, you know that wasn't what I meant," he assured me.

"I know, but I had to deal with all of this virtually alone before," I began to sob softly. "I don't think I can do that again."

He pulled me into a hug. "You're not alone. Trust in that, if nothing else. I'm here if you ever need me, and Kathy's here, as always. I also doubt you'll be able to get rid of JC anytime soon," he laughed. "And Brian may not be good for much, but you can count on him, and Nate kind of comes with that package."

I had to laugh, for which I was grateful. "I'll bear that in mind."

"If you want to wait a few days to tell everyone, then that's what we'll do," he announced confidently, wiping a tear from his own eye. "But I would tell JC soon. He's got a right to know."

"I know he does," I smiled. "And I want to tell him, but I think after everything he's been through in the past few days, he needs a couple of days to be happy. He deserves it."

Kevin just halfheartedly smiled. "What about the blonde in there?"

"I'll tell her later, too."

"Okay," he mouthed emphatically, "but if the shit hits the fan, I'll tell her it was all you."

"Thanks for your support," I teased.

"Don't look at me, Bartles & James. I've seen her on a warpath. It ain't pretty."

"Your point's made," I acknowledged.

"Seriously, though, if there's anything . . . ."

"I know," I smiled. "Start by getting those drinks. Everytime I try to get them, some lunkhead keeps bumping into me."

He just smiled and snapped a salute. He grabbed the drinks, and we went into the den.

"Finally," Brian said in mock exasperation when Kevin and I emerged. Kevin rejoined Kathy, while I slid into the mound of covers JC had made. Brian slipped out from the blanket and Nate's arms long enough to hit the "play" button on the VCR (we couldn't find the remote). As the previews began rolling, I asked Nate to get the lights. He hesitated a minute, almost like he didn't hear me. Looking at his face, I wondered how much of the phone conversation he had heard.

Shaking it off, we started watching the new Austin Powers movie. I wrapped my arms around JC's stomach, sliding my hands under his shirt. I leaned my forehead into his shoulder. He brought his hand up and stroked my cheek. That was the last thing I remembered before falling asleep.

TO BE CONTINUED . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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