This is part seven of my continuing story.
Already, I've gotten words of encouragement from some of constant supporters like Matthew and Tonny ("When You Say Nothing at All") as well as new friends, and I'd like to take this time to thank them.
Putting out the two chapters back to back, I haven't gotten a chance to get back to everyone regarding chapter six, but I will, I promise; so if you have any questions, comments, or suggestions, please send them. I like hearing from you, and I hope you enjoy the story. If you do or don't, you can let me know how I'm doing at mnhunter@midsouth.rr.com.
Now for my standard disclaimer:
WARNING: This story is sexually-explicit (or at least getting there), involving homosexuality. Do not continue if this will offend you. If accessing this story causes you to break local laws, please leave now. By continuing , you implicitly declare and affirm under penalties of perjury that you are not a minor or in the company of a minor and are entitled to have access to sexually-explicit material. The content and opinions expressed in this story do not imply anything with regards to the sexual preference of any member of 'N SYNC or any other celebrities named herein. It is a work of fiction entirely.
"Your what?" Justin asked with a completely vacant look on his face.
"Hi, Dad," Caitlin and Colleen greeted after finally tearing their eyes away from the guys long enough to realize that I was there.
A statuesque blond sneaked up behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist and kissing me on the cheek. "Hello, gorgeous," she purred in my ear. With sudden realization, I saw the tears in JC's eyes, and before a single word could escape my lips, JC turned and darted out the door.
"JC, wait," I called to no avail.
"Um, Matt . . . ," Justin began.
"I'll explain later. Let's just go find him. Kathy, can you stay with the girls?"
"Of course."
We left Justin there in case JC called, while Joey and Chris took the jeep. Lance and I climbed into my SUV and we started to scour the city.
"You're scared, aren't you?" he asked as we scanned the streets.
I hesitated with my answer, but I finally nodded my head and whispered "terrified."
"I know it's been such a short time, but I don't think I've ever seen JC like this before. He really cares about you."
"I care about him as well."
"Then you might've mentioned the fact that you're married."
"I'm not . . . at least . . . let's just find him, Lance."
We spent the rest of the day and proceeded well into the night searching the city. Keeping in phone contact, I knew Joey and Chris weren't having any more luck than we were. I was on my third tank of gas before my eyes were giving out.
"Let's go home, Matt. There's nothing more we can do tonight," Lance suggested.
With resignation, I drove us back to the house.
Kathy was standing at the door with her arms folded when we pulled into the driveway. I could tell by the look of concern on her face that JC hadn't made it home by the look of concern on her face that JC hadn't made it home.
"No news, I take it," I said, confirming what I already knew.
"The girls finally passed out from exhaustion. So did your friend. I think they wore each other out."
I forced myself to smile at her while I went over and placed a blanket over Justin. I sat in the recliner, pulling my knees to my chest and rocking back and forth. The other guys went to bed, while Kathy came over and sat on the armrest, rubbing my back until I cried myself to sleep.
I awoke to find Kathy making some coffee.
"You're up," she commented as the water audibly entered the filter basket.
"Any word?"
She looked at me in a sympathetic way that silently assured me she would have already woken me, and I just nodded.
"You really like him, huh?"
"Yeah," I smiled. "I think I'm in love."
She poured us both a cup. "Wow, that's not something I've heard you say very often."
"It's not something I've said that often," I added.
"So, what are you going to do about it?"
"Honestly, I haven't a clue. I've never been one of those 'love-at-first-sight' kind of people until now."
"True," she agreed. Noting the concern in my face, "We'll find him."
I could only smile as I went to rouse the others to resume our search.
Joey and I headed out together since he was the first one ready. Lance and Chris wouldn't be long behind.
"So, what's the story with you and JC?" he asked.
"Damn," I muttered, "is there anyone who doesn't know about my personal life?"
"Don't go on the defensive, Matt. JC's just one of my best friends, and we're trying to look out for him the way he looks out for all of us."
"So I'm the hot topic of discussion at the clubhouse meetings?" I asked, visibly irritated.
"Something like that, I guess, but if it's any consolation," he smiled, "we all think you guys make a cute couple."
I couldn't help but laugh. "I do appreciate that, coming from the critics you are, but I'm not so sure we can be considered a couple. All we've done so far is kissed."
"There's that, and the fact that he's seen you naked," he beamed with a mischievous grin.
My eyes shot open with surprise, while he started laughing uncontrollably.
"But then again, so have I," he smiled.
I shot him a questioning look.
"I was in the hallway," he confessed.
"Joey, I had no idea you liked to watch." Even I couldn't keep a straight face when his cheeks became as red as his hair.
We continued on for about an hour when the cellular phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Matt, it's Kathy. Listen, one of the girls' friends just called to tell them that 'some guy who looks like one of those cute guys from that group who sings that song' was headed towards the park."
"Thanks. Tell the girls I owe them."
Hanging up, I quickly dialed the jeep's number and told them to head back to the house since they were on the other side of town.
"Would you mind waiting here, Joey? I'd like to talk to him alone first," I asked, putting the car in park.
"Not at all," he smiled understandingly.
I got out of the car and clutched my upper arms, trying to steel myself against the cold, early morning winds. I finally found JC sitting on the swing-set, still wearing the duster I'd bought off the guy at the airport. I could tell that he had been crying a lot, and my heart sank because I knew I was the cause. I sat down on the swing next to him, but he never even glanced at me.
"Can we talk?" I asked him.
"What's there to talk about?" he shot back, his eyes never leaving the ground.
I sat there for a few minutes trying to figure out what I could possibly say that would get JC to give me enough time to explain some things. I planted my feet in the ground and flexed them back and forth to move my swing, but JC just sat there, continuing to stare into the dirt.
"Have you ever played 'spin the bottle'?" Bingo, he definitely was not expecting that.
"What on earth are you talking about?"
"Answer the question?"
"Yeah, and . . . ?"
"Did you know there's a drinking game based on it?"
"No, but I hadn't really thought about it."
I just sat there swinging, smiling to myself in smug satisfaction that I was controlling this conversation. I was gonna get JC to hear me out.
His otherwise vacant stare lightened considerably when he smiled. "Okay, I'll bite. What does that have to do with anything?"
"I skipped two grades in school."
"Please tell me there's a point to this story somewhere, Matt."
I smiled and continued, "I was fifteen-years-old, but a junior in high school, the first time I played a drinking game."
JC motioned with his hand to go on.
"Her name was Ashley McDonnell. She was seventeen, but she had little more tolerance for alcohol than I did. The two of us were paired off, but we were so drunk we didn't know what was going on. I was the runt of the bunt, and I was just happy to be invited to the party, so when they said to take a drink, I did."
"AND . . . ?" JC shouted impatiently.
"I saw her only a few times that year until we were on break. Then Rich and I came home from playing basketball, and I saw Ashley and her parents sitting on my couch. She never even looked up at me, but she didn't need to for me to figure out what this was all about. Even I could tell she was pregnant."
JC was hanging on my every word, but he didn't press the issue when I stopped to light a cigarette. I had trouble with the lighter since I smoked so infrequently, usually just when I'm terrified, and having smoked only a pack or two in my entire life, the butterflies in my stomach I was now experiencing were an entirely new concept.
"Ashley's parents were devout Catholics, and would not even entertain the notion of abortion, and I must say, that I was too stunned to suggest it even if I had wanted to. They insisted that she would have the child, and that her wishes were really kind of irrelevant. As were my own, I found out, when they demanded that we get married because they didn't want the children to be born illegitimate. I've got to tell you, the next few hours in that house were hell on earth. I heard more people yelling and shouting "How could you be so stupid?" that I ever cared to. Ultimately, Ashley and I decided to get married, and my parents signed the consent. So," I paused for dramatic effect, "at the ripe old age of fifteen, I became an expectant father and a husband to the only person I had ever had sex with."
I could see the questions popping into JC's head like fireworks, but he remained silent and let me continue.
"We were actually doing fairly well to be two high school kids trying to graduate and become the perfect nuclear family. Ashley and I didn't love each other, at least not at first, and while I would say that I grew to love Ashley, it was as a dear friend, not a lover. She and I never had sex again. On a visit to the gynecologist, she found out that she was carrying not one, but four children, all girls. We knew it was going to be a problem because of her age and petite size, since quadruplets are not an easy birth for anyone, but Ashley did all of her prenatal care, and we were managing. She was living with me and my parents, and I was working two part-time jobs, one, delivering newspapers, the other, sacking groceries. I was at the grocery store when it happened."
The tears started freely rolling from my eyes, but I didn't stop to wipe them away--I was scared that I wouldn't have the strength to relive this again. JC stood up from his swing and walked behind me. He leaned over and hugged my neck like he was never letting go. I kept talking.
"Ashley paged me using the pager that the hospital had given me for when she was due, though that was still many weeks away, but she would never use it except for an emergency. When she didn't answer the phone when I called back, I panicked and drove home immediately," I began, explaining that I had a hardship license and an old car my grandfather left me before he died. "When I got there, she was sitting on the couch completely unresponsive, but there was a pool of blood between her legs."
I didn't know if I could do this, but when JC hugged me tighter still, one of his tears ran down the back of my neck. I knew I wanted, even needed, to tell his the rest.
"I called 911 and began CPR. The ambulance took us to the hospital. The rest of it blurred by quickly. I knew the girls were premature, and even though I thought I had prepared myself for it, when the doctor came out of the operating room to tell me what had happened, I fell to my knees in the hallway in utter hysterics, preparing for the worst--which was coming. Ashley had developed a condition called abruptio placentae, which is a fancy way of saying that the sack the girls were in had pulled away too early from the wall it was attached to, and she was bleeding to death. They did an emergency cesarean section--a C-section--while they tried to replace her blood volume."
I was shuddering to death by now, and JC walked around to face me. He gripped me by my shoulders and spoke softly to me, but the momentum of the tale was carrying itself. I didn't even hear his words; I just talked.
"One of the girls, Carolyn," I corrected, telling him that Ashley had already picked out names for all four, "was stillborn. She had died from lack of oxygen because of the blood loss. The other three--Catherine, Caitlin, and Colleen--were in critical condition and placed in incubators. The doctors gave them an all-but-nonexistent chance of survival. Meanwhile, Ashley never woke up, as she, too, was brain dead. Her parents and I kept her alive on the ventilators for a while, but her body deteriorated. She developed an infection which ultimately led to a blood clotting disorder called DIC. That, in turn, caused a clot in her kidneys. When the kidneys quit, we considered putting her on the kidney machine, but we decided against it. Her urine output dropped to nothing, and the fluid in her body built up to the point that it drowned her heart and lungs, killing her."
I could tell I was hyperventilating now, and JC was petrified. I was staring straight through him while he shook me. I could even see Joey running towards us.
"Another girl, Catherine, died the same afternoon as her mother from respiratory distress syndrome, a common cause of death for preemies. So now, not yet sixteen years old, I had two daughters in incubators with little or no chance at life and funeral arrangements to make for my wife and two of my daughters."
JC and Joey both were panicking, but their efforts finally pulled me back to the present. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, Josh," I smiled, looking into his teary eyes.
"Jesus, Matt, you're sorry? I've been the insensitive asshole who's been acting like a spoiled brat. Can you ever forgive me?" He asked, literally on his knees begging.
I stroked his chin. "There's nothing to forgive." Standing quickly, I pulled JC to his feet as Joey attempted to steady me. "Let's go home. There are lots of people who've been worried sick."
"Okay," Joey chimed in while we walked to the car, "I'm still curious as hell. Who's Kathy?"
"Kathy?" I repeated.
"The lanky girl who was wrapped around you."
I just sort of chuckled when I realized that I had zoned out when he had asked me the question. "Kathy was Ashley's best friend. She's the girls' godmother, and she's helped save my sanity on more than a few occasions."
"Should I be jealous of her little display?" JC asked, trying to add some levity.
"Not a bit. She's become my best friend, almost a sister. Besides," I said with a twinkle, "I only have eyes for you."
JC blushed as we climbed back into the car.
We drove back in virtual silence, not because anything was wrong, but because they were processing it all. In truth, so was I. It had been a while since I'd told anyone the whole story. The last person I had told had been Scott, and that was years ago. The catharsis had actually been good for me, but looking over at JC, I knew there was so much more to tell him. He would just look back at me and smile.
I looked back to Joey from time to time, and I found that he had fallen sound asleep. JC followed my gaze with some uncertainty.
"We were out pretty late looking for you, and he got up early to come with me this morning."
He shook his head in a half-nod of understanding, and then he turned to look out the car window. I could tell he was thinking about something, but he wasn't letting me in. I reached over and took his hand, and he looked back at me for a split second.
"Josh, what's wrong?" I asked, concerned at the fleeting glimpse I caught of the tears in his eyes.
"Just thinking about what you've gone through, Matt."
"I'm sorry. I didn't tell you all that to upset you or make you feel sorry for me."
"I know that," he said, apparently upset at my misconception. "I just feel I know you so much better now. It explains so much more than you intended."
"How do you mean?"
"I'm guessing, but you probably never had any desire to become a nurse until after everything happened."
"No, I don't guess I did. What are you getting at?"
"Just the way you are when someone's hurt. You went against your training to help me."
"Not really, it was my training that made me . . . ."
"Let me finish. You can't stand to not be in control of the situation."
My face twisted with a combination of shock and anger. "I may have broken the rules, but that doesn't make me some power-mad dictator."
"Matt, wait a minute, that came out wrong. I just meant that you don't like feeling helpless."
"Well, who does? It's not like . . . ."
"Will you please let me talk?" he interrupted. The rage drained from my face, and I had to smile at him. "You felt powerless to stop Ashley's death, and you decided to become a nurse because you never wanted to feel that helpless again."
"Any other psycho babble, Sigmund?" I joked.
"I'm serious, Matt."
"I know, Josh, and I'm reasonably sure you're right. No one's ever really analyzed me that deeply, including myself."
"Maybe I need to start charging $200 and hour for my great insights," he smiled.
"If I pay you $200 an hour, it won't be for talking," I teased, and JC blushed uncontrollably, quite obviously fidgeting at how uncomfortable he had just become. I just smiled, and that made him blush even more.
He was still looking out the window, and I could tell he was thinking again.
"Damn it, Josh, will you please just say what was on your mind?"
"Sorry," he answered sheepishly, "it was just a random thought that popped in my head."
"That being?"
"Your money."
"Ha," I acknowledged, "you're wondering if the lawsuit had anything to do with Ashley and the girls' death?"
"Kind of," he admitted. "Is that being unbelievably insensitive?"
"No," I assured him. "You've had no sleep for two days, and your mind is wandering somewhere just past the speed of sound. I just told you a hell of a lot of stuff that happened to me eleven years ago, and you have questions. No, I'd say that was a fairly reasonable response, and in answer to your question, yes, the lawsuit was over Ashley's death. The hospital gave her the wrong blood type during surgery, and that was what caused her bleeding disorder. I really wasn't in any frame of mind to put the whole situation under a microscope. I had taken out a family health insurance plan with my job at the time, and someone there caught what had happened. They filed lawsuits against the hospital, wrongful deaths, negligence, that sort of thing."
"What happened?"
"Now who's being impatient? I'm kidding," I added before he got that scolded child look again. "The hospital was all too happy to settle out of court to keep the negative images out of the press." I trailed off after that, but I could tell JC's curiosity wasn't satisfied. "I wasn't ready to be a husband at fifteen, I wasn't ready to be a father at fifteen, and I sure as hell wasn't ready to be a millionaire at eighteen. So I split the money into thirds gave one-third to Ashley's folks, and put the remainder into trust funds for the girls. I'm the executor of their trust funds, and the stipend I make doesn't even dent the interest."
"Wow. That's a lot of money."
"Yeah, but I didn't want it. I figured that her parents deserved something for losing a daughter, and the girls sure as hell deserved something for losing a mother and two sisters."
"What about you? Didn't you deserve something for losing for losing a wife and two daughters?"
"I guess, but I had enough on my plate to deal with at the time. Money just wasn't real high on my list of priorities."
"How did you do it? I mean, get through it all."
"Honestly, Josh, there are days even I don't know the answer to that. Mostly I just did what everybody does took it a day at a time. The settlements didn't come until my sophomore year in college, but my parents helped me raise the girls. When I graduated, the girls were ready to start kindergarten. I sent them a private Catholic boarding school at the behest of Ashley's parents, and that's where they've been while I've been playing nurse."
"What's it like being a father?"
"Stressful . . . wonderful. I don't know, indescribable. Being a father was not something I asked for, but I wouldn't change a thing."
JC just smiled.
"You want to know if the girls know I'm gay?" I asked.
"How do you do that?" he laughed.
"Just good at reading people, and yes, they do."
"How did they take it?"
"Very well. They're a lot more grown-up than I give them credit for. I try to treat them as much like adults as I can since they're only four years younger than I was when they were born--and that scares me to no end."
He laughed. "So the overprotective father?"
"Yeah," I conceded, "and they're interested in boys now, which I am not ready for."
"At least you guys have similar tastes."
I had to smile, but at the same time, I couldn't believe he said that. I reached over and popped him in the gut and knocked the wind out of him.
"Sorry," he muttered.
"No, you're not," I corrected, "but I'll forgive you, since you're so damn cute. Besides, the girls have been fascinated by music since their cousins started a band, and they happen to have fallen in love with a certain boy band, so I'm scoring major brownie points."
"Oh, yeah, that narrows it down a lot," he smirked.
"Actually, you're right. They do like some of the other groups, including another Orlando-based quintet, but they definitely are big fans of yours. It was their constant playing of your first CD that caused me to recognize Justin's voice. They think he's 'so hot,' I repeated in my best teenage voice."
"Yeah," he giggled, "he's everybody's favorite."
"Not everybody's," I reminded him, pulling him across the center console to kiss him.
"Hey, get a room!" Joey shouted from the back seat.
JC and I just laughed without even parting are lips. When the light turned green, I pressed the gas while I turned to face Joey, "I have four of them."
Joey made a face mocking humor, while JC just laughed even harder.
We finally arrived back at the house. I sent Kathy and the girls out to pick up a video while we explained everything to Justin, Lance, and Chris. I was glad JC and Joey were there, because they were able to fill in the parts of the story that I had trouble with. Even through my own welling tears, I could see their own tears. Justin hobbled up on his good leg and managed his way over to me and hugged me. All I could do was return it.
"What was that for, Jus?"
"You looked like you needed it."
"Thanks," I told him.
When Kathy and the girls came back, we all quickly tried to dry the evidence of our tears. Kathy just looked at me knowingly. The girls went into the kitchen to make popcorn. "So did you two kiss and make up?" Kathy asked.
"Yes, they did," Joey offered.
Kathy smiled at me again, and we walked over to the couch to get situated for the movie. The guys were all falling over themselves to make a seat for Kathy. "Careful, guys," I advised, "Kathy has a boyfriend." As a wave of realization swept over me, "Speaking of which, when do I get to meet the mystery man?"
"Well, his work schedule keeps him on the road most of the time, but he'll be here soon. Speaking of which," she mocked me, "I need to call him."
Kathy took the portable phone and walked over to the patio doors while the guys were goofing around. It was nice to watch them have fun. I sat down in front of the couch, and JC slid down from his seat, and came around in front of me, sitting between my outstretched legs and resting his head on my shoulders.
The girls came back in with the popcorn and sat down on the other couch with Justin and Chris. Colleen looked at JC and I kind of funny for a minute, but I just smiled and answered her question that yes, I do like him. She smiled back. Admittedly, having my eleven year old daughters in the room with me and my new boyfriend was a bit strange, but the girls were pretty perceptive. Both of them I considered smarter than myself at that age, and like their old man, they had already skipped a few grades in school. I was glad that they didn't seem to have the trouble fitting in that I had had. I sat staring at them and became lost in thought.
"You look like a proud father," JC told me, craning his neck to face me.
"I am," I told him, kissing him on the top of his head.
Justin took the popcorn bowl from Caitlin's hands and started tossing popcorn towards Joey's mouth, missing his head entirely for the most part. We all just laughed, waiting for Kathy before we started the movie.
"And you wonder why you always lose at basketball?" JC teased.
"Look who's talking?" Justin half-laughed, half-shouted.
"Yeah, that is 'N SYNC," Kathy told her boyfriend on the phone, and the room became quiet. "They are staying with Matt for a while."
The guys shot looks at me as if to ask what was going on. I was too stunned to do much besides shrug my shoulders.
"Okay, hang on," Kathy continued. She walked over in front of me and said, "My boyfriend wants to talk to you."
I reached for the phone.
"Not you," she informed me. "He wants to talk to JC."
TO BE CONTINUED . . . . . . . . .
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