This is chapter twenty-one of my continuing story.
The usual blah-blah about the stipulations regarding reading stories like this still apply (did you really think they'd changed since I've started this?).
I'm going to make my usual feeble attempt at keeping this brief. Thanks so much to all of the readers and fellow authors who've continued to support me. Without you all, I'm not sure I'd still be doing this. To endeavor to name you all would doubtlessly result in slighting someone unintentionally, but you all know who you are, and I love you all.
There's one, however, I love a little more than the rest. DLS has always been my inspiration, my idol, my editor, my coconspirator, and above all else, my best friend. SHMILY, sweetie.
Lastly, a very special dedication to Joshua, who will forever hold a place in my heart.
The soft brush of morning light tried to wake me, but it wasn't until it turned into a blinding flash that I finally drug myself out of bed. I looked over at my angel, and I had to chuckle to myself. The sun was beating down on his face, but he didn't even stir. He truly could sleep through anything. Still naked, I slid out from under the covers and walked to the sliding glass door that led to the patio. We'd left it open during the night to feel the island breeze.
I had to hand it to Justin; he'd really gone through a lot of trouble to pick out this place. He, with Lance's help, had managed to find this secluded little resort with its own private beach. Stepping onto the wooden deck, an involuntary shudder overtook me as the cool wind swept across me. I simply ignored it and stared at the breathtaking beauty of the dawn. A soft caress stroked the hairs on my stomach. Even had I not recognized the lingering scent of his cologne against his skin, I knew his touch against my skin. The coarse stubble on his face tickled the nape of my neck, and the hair on his chest rubbing against my back almost made me laugh. I was not, however, about to ruin this moment. His left hand, ring and all, pushed against my belly, urging me backward into the sculpted muscles of his abdomen. His lips applied gentle suction to my shoulder, and I could already feel the beginnings of a love bite forming.
"Want to go for a swim?" He purred into my ear.
"Are you insane?" I laughed. "Somebody will see us."
"Nope," he grinned proudly. "Remember the whole place is rented to us?"
"And do you remember that most of you guys, you in particular, brought your families out here for a vacation?" I reminded him.
"I do," he smiled.
"You just want your father to kill me and your mother to have a stroke--is that it?" I giggled as he chewed on my earlobe.
"Not in the least. I couldn't replace you. At least not for a few days, maybe even a week."
"Smartass," I grinned, elbowing him in the side and forcing him to cough.
"Now I'm not gonna tell you my good news," he taunted.
"Okay," I capitulated, "tell me."
"Nope," he smirked.
"Please?" I pouted, my bottom lip extended for full effect.
"You're gonna have to do better than that," he informed me, one eyebrow raised.
I took his bottom lip between my teeth. Biting softly, I released it. "Please?"
He shook his head with a knowing smile.
I kissed my way down the side of his neck. "Please?"
Again, he shook his head.
Using my tongue, I worked my across his chest and down his stomach. "Please?"
He bit his bottom lip, but he still managed to nod in the negative. I lowered my head a bit more. "Okay," he caved. "You start that, and I'm not gonna be capable of speech."
Extending to my full height again, I pulled him against me and gave his ass a squeeze. "That's okay," I assured him. "There's more to you than stimulating conversation."
"I'd hope that's not all that's stimulating about me," he grinned, raising both eyebrows suggestively.
"Nope," I smirked. "You can sing, too."
"Is that all I'm good for?" he asked, feigning hurt.
"That and cheap sex," I smiled.
"Okay, then," he smiled.
"You gonna tell me this news, or do I have to drag it out of you?"
"If I tell you, will you still drag it out of me later?" he grinned.
"Absolutely," I promised him with a kiss.
"Okay then, but I warn you, it's not really news."
"Will you spit it out?" I sighed. He started to open his mouth, but I quickly slapped my hand across it as I added, "If the word swallow comes out of your mouth, you're a dead man."
He nodded in concession. "I was just gonna tell you that Justin thought things through more than you think."
"What are you getting at?"
He kissed me quickly before dragging me onto the sand. "All the family-types, with the exception of Heather, Tyler, and Steve, are on the other side of the resort. They have their own section of beach."
Urging him further towards the water, I smiled. "Remind me to kiss the little Brill-O head later."
"I hope that's not what's on your mind later," he teased.
"Then make me forget," I laughed.
"Absolutely," he promised.
They closed out the show with "Bye, Bye, Bye," a new track off of the album they hadn't even officially picked a name for yet. The sound was edgier. It was a far cry from the somewhat bubblegum sound of their last album. Curly called it dirty pop, which, strangely, fit. JC asked me if I wanted to watch from backstage, but I wanted to see them truly perform, as their fans saw them. I'd never really had a chance to do that. Steve picked up a ticket for me that was about twenty rows back on the floor. Overall, it was a good seat, though I had to chuckle at some of the strange looks I was getting. If they only knew....
It was a fantastic performance. I had to credit them; they gave absolutely everything they had, and they didn't disappoint. I couldn't help but smile at the cheers and screams they received when it was all said and done. My boy was panting, but I could tell the adrenaline would sustain him for hours to come. At one point, he looked to me and smiled as he brought his hand up to his heart, where the engagement ring was suspended from his necklace.
I waited until the place was virtually empty before heading backstage. I withdrew the pass from my pocket, and the poor security guy--some local--started panicking when he saw the level of VIP clearance I had. Steve had wrangled that for me, too. Basically, I didn't know of anyone short of Johnny Wright himself who had it. He asked me where I wanted to go, and I told him the dressing rooms. He offered to escort me, but I just chuckled and told him I'd manage on my own.
After a few minutes of wandering, I found them in their play area. Chris was in the floor playing with Busta. I didn't even want to know how much trouble it had been to get that dog on a plane to Hawaii. Joey and Lance were in front of the television, and Justin and JC were playing basketball. What most girls and many guys wouldn't have given for that sight. Both of them had their shirts off, and the sweat plastered their workout shorts against their thighs. All in all, it left little to the imagination, but it was arousing as hell.
JC finally managed to seize the ball from Justin as he saw me. Justin appeared distracted; he seemed to be looking right through me. JC smiled, "Hey, sexy."
The reply choked in my throat when I heard a female voice answer in kind from behind me, "Hey, yourself."
One word passed Justin's lips that chilled me to the bone. His silent mouthing of the name "Bobbie" was all it took to make my blood run cold.
I watched them carrying on like old friends--hell, they were old friends--and I couldn't help but feel pangs of hurt and jealousy. I was certain I was probably making an ass of myself with my behavior, but I either couldn't help it or didn't care--pick one.
A beer bottle in front of me interrupted my little tête-à-tête with the green-eyed monster. I looked up to see Justin giving me a sympathetic smile. He set his own beer down on the end table as he took the spot on the couch next to me, crossing one of his legs under him.
"You're too young to drink," I chided him.
"Maybe," he admitted, without his characteristic bemusement. "You know, in a weird way, I used to feel the way you do right now."
Somehow I doubted that, but I was listening. "Explain."
"She always did make me feel like I was an outsider, like I was intruding. Whenever she was around, Josh's world always seemed to revolve around her. When they got serious, it was as though I'd lost my best friend. He never wanted to hang out, or to do anything else with me."
"What happened?" I asked with genuine interest.
"They moved in together," he answered, pausing to take a drink.
"And that solved the problem?" I asked him, completely befuddled.
"In a thermonuclear kind of way," he tried to laugh.
"Are you gonna keep making me ask what happened?" I tried to smile.
He just shook his head with a feeble attempt at a smile. "I confronted him about it. He said I was being ridiculous, and when the rest of the guys backed me up, he threatened to leave the group."
I wasn't sure whether he'd paused for dramatic emphasis or not, but I was eagerly anticipating the rest of his explanation, so I prodded him to continue.
"I didn't let up. He told me that I was miserable, petty, jealous little shit who couldn't stand for him to have a minute's happiness."
"Oh my God, Justin. What did you do?"
He exhaled sharply, almost as though he were despondent about completing the tale. "I enlisted his family's help. We all tried to tell him how much he'd changed, and told us all to go to Hell. He told us he'd asked her to marry him, and that if we didn't like it, we were all dead to him."
He stopped for a second when he realized how much his words had shocked me.
I turned to look at them, and no matter how much I silently wished for JC to look towards me, to say something, to do anything that would let me I know I was just being foolish, his eyes never once left her. Justin gave my hand a reassuring squeeze to pull my attention back to him.
"I followed him back to his place, and we argued and screamed and cursed and argued some more. We had never in our lives been as cruel to each other as we were that night. He punched me so hard that he almost broke my jaw. He realized what he'd done, and for a minute, I thought I saw my best friend in him again, but something took hold of him, and he gritted his teeth and said that it was my own damn fault. He ran towards the house, but I followed him. He tried to shut the door on me, but I'd put my hand in the doorframe to stop him. It broke my thumb," he smiled.
"I thought you did that on-stage."
"I did," he tried to smile again. "Two separate occasions. It just didn't have a chance to heal between the two."
"Sorry," I told him, suddenly very aware that I had interrupted his narrative.
He nodded. "It felt like it took my whole hand off. I was screaming at him at the top of my lungs, and he just stood there on the verge of tears. Bobbie was home, and she came running to the door. After a couple of minutes of explanations, she went to the bedroom and packed her things. She told Josh that she wasn't about to be responsible for ending our friendship or the group, and she left."
I rolled my eyes. "Suddenly, I'm finding it very hard to dislike her as much as I want to."
"Tell me about it," he laughed, "especially those first few weeks afterwards. Josh couldn't even stand to look at me without blowing his top."
"But you worked it all out?"
"Yeah," he acknowledged, scratching his head, "but it was more of a moving past it. We never really talked about it."
"And now, she's here," I sighed.
"Yeah," he agreed in a barely audible tone.
"So where does that leave me?" I asked him.
"Where does that leave any of us?" he retorted.
I stood there brushing my teeth while I vanished deeper in thought. Staring at my reflection in the mirror, I suddenly became very aware of my insecurities. I was now the insecure, over intelligent, undeveloped little kid who tried so desperately to fit in and have people like him. Nothing had changed.
I wasn't the educated, wealthy father of two whose body finally caught up to his brain. I wished desperately that it was my heart that had been left behind. Never had something I loved so dearly threatened to be taken away from me so completely.
Returning to the moment, I spit the wasted toothpaste into the sink and splashed some water on my face. Taken the hand towel from the rack, I wiped my face, trying as much to clear my thoughts as dry my skin. Flipping off the light, I left the bathroom to find him lying in my bed, reading a book. When he saw me, he smiled, and I felt as though all those doubts I felt were completely inane. He lifted the covers, and I climbed under the sheets beside him. Draping my arm across his stomach, I raised an eyebrow. "The Stand?"
"A conversation I had with Nate a long time ago," he smiled. "I bought the book while you were in the hospital, but I'd never had much inclination to read it. Thought I'd give it a shot during the vacation."
"Dare I ask how that came up in a conversation with him?"
"Long story," he grinned.
"I'm not going anywhere," I told him matter-of-factly.
He turned the book face down on his check and pulled my hand to his lips. "Neither am I," he promised me. "I know I haven't been the most attentive boyfriend in the world since Bobbie got here. I just haven't seen her in a long time."
"I know," I assured him. "I'm just being jealous, but I'll live." He gave me one of those questioning looks. "Really, it's okay. She's your friend, and I don't want to stand in the way of you catching up with one another because of silliness."
"It's not silly if it bothers you," he said sincerely.
"Sweetie, it's fine," I reiterated. "Curly just filled me in on a little more of the history you two had together, and I was thinking the worst."
"Remind me to kill him," he sighed.
"Don't you dare say a word to him," I quickly instructed him. "He's just being a friend, to you and to me. He's concerned about you because of how deeply involved you and she were at one time and about me for the same reasons."
"It's nothing," he said again.
"I know," I said in my most understanding tone. Leaning over him to turn out the light, I kissed his cheek and pulled him against me on my way back down to the mattress. "Now come here, so I can remind you why you're in bed with me."
"If you insist," he purred in my ear.
Justin and Lance had realized that I needed a diversion after the previous night, so early the next morning, we got up and prepared for our outing. JC slept soundly the night before, while I stared at the stars outside our patio door, hoping that neither of us were fooling ourselves.
I eased myself into the shower before the first hint of dawn. When I heard the bathroom door open, I was certain JC was going to join me. When it became painfully apparent that that wasn't going to happen, I despondently stepped out of the stall to find him gone.
I slid on a pair of cargo shorts, a muscle shirt with an unbuttoned shirt over it, and my hiking boots before joining the rest of the guys in the lobby. Justin acknowledged my entrance with a feeble attempt at a smile. He and Lance were sitting in some of the oversized wicker chairs scattered throughout the room. Joey was sitting at the piano, and Chris was sitting on the floor beside him with his back against the bench. None of them could even look at me.
I turned to follow their gaze and saw JC and Bobbie sitting at the bar eating breakfast. He was all smiles as she pressed the fresh fruit onto his tongue. He, in turn, would close his lips just a little too soon so that it trapped her fingers in his mouth. I honestly thought I was going to lose what little composure was still left to my dignity, but Justin walked up beside me and led me outside to the Jeep we had rented. Heather, Tyler, and Steve were going to join us later, so the one vehicle would get us where we were going.
I climbed into the middle seat and suddenly found myself blubbering. I turned away from Justin to try to hide my display, but he pulled me against him. I pressed my forehead against his shoulder, and I could feel my tears matting his shirt against him. He put his arms around me and just rocked me.
"What the hell am I doing, Justin?"
I could hear him almost chuckle in my ear. "Letting it out so you can get through this and be better for it."
I almost had to laugh. "I don't even know what it is I'm trying to get through, Justin. I even told him that I was okay with all this. I`m being absurd."
"I know," he half-smiled. "Me, too. I just know how it looks, and how that's got to be making you feel. On the plus side, at least you get to sleep with him."
I had to laugh in spite of myself. "Bastard!" I chuckled. "I hate you."
"No, you don't. You wuv me," he grinned proudly.
"Yes, God help me, I do," I laughed. "And yes, I do get to sleep with him, but as I recall, you have too."
"Not that way," he smiled.
"Your loss," I smiled.
Without missing a beat, he added, "I'll take your word for it."
"Glad to hear it," I grinned. "I don't think I could take the added competition right now. That's what so damn idiotic about this."
"What's that?"
"When we're alone together, it's as though nothing has changed. You'd think that would remind me that he's still in love with me."
"You'd think," he smiled. "It's gonna be just fine, you know."
Seeing the others heading out of the hotel, I quickly sat upright and dried my eyes. "Thanks," was all I could manage. Sniffing to keep my nose from dripping, I started to laugh, "Who the hell invited her, anyway?"
"I don't know," he laughed. "I promise it wasn't me."
"What's so funny?" JC asked as he climbed into the back behind us, Bobbie in tow.
"Matt was just telling me a joke," Justin grinned broadly. "You know? Your man can be pretty damn funny when he wants to be."
I could tell by the way Justin said that that he was trying to elicit a response out of one of them, but as best I could tell, there was none. JC just smiled and nodded. Bobbie said that she wanted to hear the joke.
"We need to get going," Lance added from behind the wheel, smiling at me in the rearview mirror. I think he knew what was going on and decided to save me from myself. I just returned the smile.
We followed the well-worn trails up the side of the volcano on horseback. Justin and Joey flanked me on either side, with Chris and Lance in front of us, and JC and Bobbie in the lead. He didn't once even turn around to see how I was doing. I wasn't hiding my discomfort well at all.
"Want me to put a hit out on him?" Joey smiled helpfully.
"Not yet," I grinned, "but ask me when this day is over."
We finished making our way through the tropical forest until the stark contrast of the sides of the volcano all but eliminated any vegetation. The volcano was a truly spectacular sight to behold, but the effect was lost on me, as all I could stare at was Bobbie's hand, entwined with JC's, which was conspicuously absent a ring.
"That does it," Lance gritted. "I'm gonna say something to him."
"You talk," Chris told him flatly. "I'm gonna kick his ass."
"No," I told the both of them. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but if he doesn't even realize what he's doing to me without you guys clueing him in, then our relationship's in more trouble than you knocking him out's gonna solve."
"You sure you don't want me to play his meddling best friend again?" Justin asked me with a weak attempt at humor.
"No, Curly," I forced myself to smile.
We had all decided to have a beachside picnic, so after returning the horses to the rental stables, we headed across the island to the spot we had been told about. Lance spread out the blankets as Chris and Joey started passing the food from the jeep. JC peeled off his shirt and went running into the water like a giddy little kid. God, even as furious as I was with him and that moment and despite how hurt I was, standing there gawking at him--watching both his playful nature and that body that had lain next to me for many months now--I just wanted him to look at me and tell me he loved me.
"I'm going for a walk," I announced to the guys when I saw that beaming smile focused on Bobbie, who had positioned herself on the sand near the water.
"I'm coming with you," Justin declared.
"I'd rather be alone, Curly."
"I'm sorry, you confused that to be a question," he smirked, grabbing my shoulders and pointing me away from our makeshift camp.
He and I found a spot on the rocks some time later. I absentmindedly pushed at some of the smaller rocks with a stick I had picked up. He sat behind me, with his back against mine, occasionally turning behind him to look to see how I was doing.
"He barely says a dozen words to me when she shows up," I finally vented.
He outstretched one of his hands and rested it on my own. "That's about twelve more words than the rest of us have get."
His constant attempts to try to make me feel better somehow only made things worse. I vacantly threw the stick over the side of the cliff and sprawled out in fetal position. Justin lifted my head into his lap and just stroked my hair while I tried to cry tears that wouldn't come.
After some introspective soul-searching, I resolved myself to get up and have a good time anyway, so that's what Justin and I set out to do. When we got back to the camp, JC and Bobbie were propped against one of the rocks munching on some of the remaining snacks.
"You want me to fix you something to eat?" Justin asked me.
"No, thanks, Curly," I smiled. "I think I'm gonna go for a swim."
He nodded. "Let me know if you change your mind."
"Will do," I nodded in return, stripping down to my swim trunks and heading into the empty water. Swimming wasn't something I did easily any more. I figured that if I was focusing all my resolve into overcoming that, the rest of it couldn't bother me. None of the other guys knew about my history. I guessed the last great test to see where I stood with JC now was looking to see if he'd even noticed that I'd entered the water. He didn't appear to.
I inhaled deeply and tried to prepare myself for the water, but the minute I stepped into it as deep as my neck, I could feel myself starting to hyperventilate. I pursed my lips, closed my eyes, and imagined I was somewhere else...anywhere else. I started blindly stroking, letting my arms and legs propel me farther and farther, trying desperately to outrun the memories that threatened to suffocate me in more ways than one.
Realizing that my inner demons were swimming equally fast, I stopped and let myself go limp. I ducked under the water for a second, and the water entering my nose jolted me; however, I managed to calm to down and relax enough for the buoyancy to pull my limbs level with the water.
I opened my eyes after I slowed my breathing to normal. I could see them all on the sands in the distance. Surprisingly, I could see JC on his feet, staring out into the water to see if I was okay. Then, oh, for joy, Bobbie dove into the water and started paddling my way.
I just rolled my eyes back in my skull and tried to force my growing dislike for her aside.
"Hi," she greeted me warmly.
"Hey, Bobbie," I returned without any display of emotion.
"How're you doing?"
Striking me as an odd question, I dropped my legs back underneath the water's surface and raised an eyebrow at her. "Huh?"
"JC just seemed worried when he saw you out here."
Laying back again. "Nice of you to notice. I wasn't sure he was paying me any attention."
"I'm sorry about that, Matt," she apologized, seemingly sincerely. "I think that's my fault."
I closed my eyes and said nothing, and I could hear her chuckle. "Well," she said, "I guess no response is better than an `I'll stop you when I disagree.'"
I couldn't help but smile. "Look, Bobbie, I don't have anything against you personally, really I don't. I don't know you well enough to dislike you as much as my gut tells me to, but I don't like the way Josh acts when he's around you. From what Justin tells me, this isn't the first time."
"Sadly," she acknowledged, "it's not. I don't know what to tell you other than JC and I are good friends, and we care for one another. If it's any consolation, I'll be heading home after New Year's. This is the first time I've seen him since I moved out, and I'm sure it'll be a while before I see him again."
Dropping my feet into the water again to face her. "How horrible would I seem if I was glad to hear that?" I asked, feebly blurring the lines between humor and the truth.
"Not horrible at all," she smiled. "I know I'm disrupting things. I just wanted to spend a little time with him, but you're the one he holds in his heart now."
"I wish I could be so sure," I whispered barely audibly.
"Trust me," she smiled again. "I'm heading back. You coming?"
I snapped out of my daze and smiled. "You go ahead. I'll be along in a minute."
It wasn't so much anything she said as the fact that I realized that I'd been so consumed with dealing with her, that the water hadn't bothered me anymore. I frolicked in the water a bit more until I heard JC screaming. Jerking to attention again, I saw Bobbie a few hundred yards from me, still at least two to three times that far from the shore, bobbing under the water frantically. "Shit!" was all I could mutter to myself as I dove under the waves and made my way towards her.
Opening my eyes when I was within a reasonable proximity, I saw her clutching her leg. I placed one arm underneath hers and pulled her to the surface with me. With considerable effort on my part, I got her much closer to the shore, where JC and Joey took her from me as I scrambled onto the sand.
"Chris!" I shouted. "Grab that jar of pickles and poor the juice onto the wound!"
"Pickles?" he asked, dumbfounded.
I just rolled my eyes as I ran for the jeep. "Do it, dammit! And Justin, put an ice pack on it!" I reached under the seat for the first aid kit that had bumped the back of my legs. Opening it as I ran back, I was relieved to find what I'd only expected to be there. Bobbie's breathing was becoming labored and she was already beginning to look cyanotic. I knew she was having an anaphylactic reaction. Signaling Justin to pull back the compress, I could see I was right. It had been a jellyfish sting.
As quickly as I could, I drew up some epinephrine and the antivenin, administering both, and I could see her shallow pants slowing to a regular rhythm. JC pulled her into a tight hug, which she returned. I placed the syringes into the needle bucket provided in the kit and started walking back to the car. I was about halfway there when Justin ran up behind me and grabbed my arm. I jerked it away.
"Leave me alone, Curly."
"Matt, I saw that look on your face. Stop bottling this up and confront him," he told me sharply.
I turned to cut him a harsh look. "Stay out of this, Justin! I appreciate what you've done and what you're trying to do, but I'll deal with this in my own way."
Chris had caught up with us during our little confrontation. I could tell he wasn't quite sure what was going on and what, if anything, he should do about it. Finally, he went for the innocuous. "That was great, Matt. What was the deal with the pickles?"
Finally registering the fact that he'd spoken to me, "Huh? Oh, the vinegar helps neutralize jellyfish poison. Listen, guys, I'm heading back to the hotel. Can you guys just catch a ride with Heather, Tyler, and Steve? I just saw them pull up."
"Yeah, sure," Chris replied, obviously unsure of what to say or do.
"I'm coming with you," Justin declared.
I turned a frigid glare to him. "No, you're not."
He grabbed my arm, despite my protests and spun me towards the jeep. "You want to sulk on your own? That's fine," he said rather abruptly, "but don't presume to tell me what I can and can't do. You're my friend, and I want to make sure you get back to the hotel safely since you're upset. If you don't want to talk, we won't talk."
"Fine!" I started to curt, but I thought better of it and just nodded, climbing into the passenger side as he drove us back to the hotel.
By the time everyone got back to the hotel, I had my poker face in full effect. When we all went out to an early dinner together, I was all smiles.
JC was flanked by Bobbie on one side and me on the other. Their little demonstrations would have probably done me in had Justin not been sitting beside me as well, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze when it needed it.
After that, the guys went to the arena for a sound check. The rest of us stayed backstage. Bobbie went to where she could see them. She'd been extremely appreciative of what I'd done for her that morning, as though I'd done something extraordinary for her. I told her all I'd done was my job. I'd pretty much had my fill of her for one day, so I opted to stay in the game room with Heather and Tyler. We played cards while Roy and Karen watched a movie on television.
"You okay, Matt?" Heather asked.
"Yeah, Heather, thanks. Honestly, just ready for this vacation to be over," I confessed.
"Not me," Karen added over her shoulder. "This place is paradise. I could stay here forever."
"Somehow, honey, I don't think it's the islands Matt wants to leave behind," Roy told her, pausing to grin at me before returning his attentions to the films.
Tyler finished dealing the cards with an audible grunt. "Can you blame him? I don't know what in the hell she was thinking showing up here."
"She was thinking that she was already in Hawaii for a vacation and that it would be nice to catch up with an old friend, and watch your language," Karen interjected without even turning around. Tyler mouthed the words along with her. "I saw that," she laughed, apparently very in tune with that maternal ability to see with eyes in the back of her head.
"You mean shack up with an old boyfriend," Heather gruffly added.
"Heather!" Karen scolded, turning around once more.
Heather paid her no heed. "Is one word that's coming out of my mouth untrue?" she spat. "I never like the bi...girl."
"Gee," Tyler laughed, "that wasn't obvious or anything."
"As I recall," Roy added, "I don't remember you being president of her fan club either, son."
"I wasn't, and I'm still not. She was okay, but I'm glad big brother has moved on to greener pastures with Matty-boy, here."
"Has he?" I said absentmindedly.
Karen started to say something, but I saw Roy place his hand on her forearm. A similar gesture of shaking his head at his children let me know that he knew there was nothing that was going to set my mind at ease, so there was no point in discussing the matter. I folded my cards on the table and went into one of the dressing rooms. Finding one of JC's jackets, I curled it into a ball and fell asleep on the couch.
I awoke sometime later to the sounds of people moving about in the hallways. Instantly, I was aware that someone had spread a blanket on me. Seeing a large stack of mail for the guys, as well as various floral arrangements and cards from well-wishers, I thought maybe somebody like Melinda or one of the production assistants had done it. Sitting upright, I remained curled into a ball with the blanket around me. Looking at the table in front of the couch, I could see two large stacks of 8x10's of the guys. It looked as though the guys were autographing them. Looking from one stack to the other, I noticed that one stack had been signed by Justin, Lance, and JC. The other was missing JC's signature. It appeared that the guys were passing them around so they could just sign them in their free time.
It meant a lot more than that to me. It meant that JC had been the one who'd been in here. If my amateur detective skills hadn't been enough thus far, a special delivery letter addressed to him was sitting underneath one of the stacks. I was tempted to be nosy and open it, but he hadn't done that yet, and I already felt like a big enough jackass. No sooner than the thought emerged in my brain did he round the corner, clad only in the oversized towel wrapped around his waist. Water droplets still clung tightly to his skin.
"Hey, you," he smiled.
"Hey, yourself," I smiled back.
He walked over to the me and leaned down for a kiss before stretching out on the remainder of the couch. He pulled me against him, my back to his chest. Fidgeting for a moment, it was pretty obvious that he was uncomfortable, so I sat up. Looking over my shoulder, I saw him grin and seize the cinch on the towel, releasing it to fall limply to his sides. He pulled me against him once more. "Much better," he laughed.
"You don't hear me complaining, do you?" I giggled.
"No," he responded, in a decidedly serious tone. "And you have every right to."
"What are you talking about?"
"Come on, Matt. Joey told me what a horse's ass I was being. In getting caught up with Bobbie, I didn't realize that I was neglecting you."
"That makes it sound like you forgot to feed me or something," I smiled. "You weren't doing anything wrong. I've just been acting like some jealous moron."
"You have not, and I may not have been doing anything wrong, but I wasn't exactly doing anything right, either. You and I have been engaged for less than a week, and we've spent virtually no time together. I'm sorry."
"I'll accept yours if you'll accept mine," I offered.
"Deal," he smiled.
Laughing, I reached over and lightly bit his nose. "You don't even know what my apology is for, do you?"
"I don't care," he smiled, kissing the end of my nose. "It just seems like the fastest way to get to the make-up sex."
I could only laugh and shake my head. "You're probably right, but hear me out."
"Talk fast," he growled.
"I'm sorry for not trusting you with Bobbie. I just felt like I was an outsider looking in on the life you should have had, and that the longer she stayed, the more likely you were to realize that you didn't want me in your life."
He had a look of utter shock on his face. Pushing against me, he rolled me over to where I could face him. "You're incredible, you know that?"
"For not trusting you?" I asked, afraid that my words had stung.
"No, you moron," he smiled in that special way of his, instantly relieving the guilt I had suddenly felt. "For thinking that I have a life without you. Bobbie is a very dear friend, but she's one of those chapters in my life that might have been. You're the current chapter, and if I have any say in it, you'll be on the last page with me."
A tear rolled down my cheek, and I had to avert my gaze as I asked, "Are you sure my name won't become synonymous with regret for you?"
"Yes, dammit," he shook his head. "I've had a great life, and despite some ups and downs, you know what? I wouldn't change a thing. I don't consider a single moment to have been lost or wasted, least of all, the ones since you have come into my life. You make me happier than I've ever been in all my days. You've given me your heart, your soul, your life, and your children. You haven't figured out that I'm the lucky one, have you? There is nothing anyone on God's green earth could do to make me stop loving you."
I couldn't even continue looking at him. My doubts and fears branded me, and despite the way I had felt that I had been slighted by his lack of attentions in these past days, his words wounded me in a way he could never imagine. I knew I wasn't worthy of him, and the tears dripping from my nose betrayed my guilt.
"Sweetie, please. Stop crying," he pleaded, suddenly crying as well, and laughing in spite of himself. "Even the worst moments with you have been a pure joy, and it kills me to see you like this. I never want to see you cry."
"Well get used to it," I chuckled, "because you have a knack of saying just the right things to me to reduce me to a blubbering idiot."
"If I'm such a smooth-talker, why are we both sitting here crying instead of making some wild monkey love?"
His efforts at lightening the mood were an overwhelming success. I continued crying, though now out of sheer laughter as I felt his hands slide to the waist of my shorts. "I don't know," I confessed, still laughing.
"Then can we have make-up sex now?" he gleamed, a mischievous glint in his eyes.
"You bet that cute ass of yours," I smiled, kissing him as my fingers stroked his sides down to his thighs, tickling him just enough to make an audible grunt, but not enough to break the kiss.
Hawaii was an island paradise, but it was good to be home. The guys had some time off, so we said our goodbyes at the airport. JC and I got back into Memphis late, and I was so tired that he had to drive home. When we got into the house, we didn't even bother to unpack, opting to drop our luggage in the den as we stumbled back to the bedroom.
He'd been unusually quiet since before we'd gotten off the plane. He was signing some more autographs when I'd fallen asleep, and when I woke up, his mind seemed elsewhere. Immediately, my suspicions turned to Bobbie, but each time I spoke to him, he gave me that look that told me his world revolved around me. When my prodding turned up nothing new, I reluctantly gave him the space he apparently needed.
Once we were alone in the bedroom, his thoughts seemed to belong to me. My every touch prompted some overly affectionate gesture on his part. He kept grabbing my hand and kissing the back of it before he finally pushed me down on the bed. Finally unhampered by our clothes, we made love again and again. When it was over, he wouldn't wipe the strange look off his face.
"I love you. Don't you ever doubt that," he whispered into my ear as he wrapped his body around me, every inch of my body surrounded by his. He kissed the back of my neck, and we stayed that way until sleep claimed us both.
I could hear the birds outside my bedroom window as the sun rose. Looking over my shoulder, I could only smile when I saw that JC had already gotten up. As sweet as he'd been lately, I half-expected breakfast in bed or something. I didn't really smell anything, so my curiosity became aroused.
I checked the bathroom, but he wasn't in there. The den was equally fruitless. I began to wonder if he'd gone out to pick up something for breakfast, considering his culinary talents. I turned the television onto the news while I went into the kitchen to fix a cup of coffee. Thank God for automatic timers. As per my usual routine, four sugars and three creams later, I was prepared to face the world.
The newspaper was sitting on the dining room table, so JC had been up sometime in the last few hours. I grabbed it and took a seat in my favorite recliner as I watched the gentle rain splash against the sliding-glass door to the deck. When I unfolded the paper, a note in JC's handwriting fell on the carpet. I began reading it as I picked it up.
"Dearest Matt," it began, "I don't pretend to know the words to convey what I'm feeling now. I'm not sure God Himself could grant me the words I seek, because anything that passes my lips at this point seems so futile and without meaning. These last months with you have been unlike any I have ever known, and you've taught me so many things about life, love, and myself. I've felt things for you I never knew possible to feel for anyone. That's what makes this so hard.
At one time, I really could envision myself spending the rest of both of our days together. For whatever reason, though, things change. I know it's hard for you to hear. Hell, it's hard for me to say. In the last few days, I've had a chance to really examine my life, and what's important in it. After some heavy soul-searching, I've decided that this engagement, and even this relationship, isn't in either of our best interests.
What we've had has been incredible, and I'll treasure it always. Unfortunately, we both have lives to lead, and I just don't see them to be as compatible as I did just a few days ago. I've decided to rededicate myself to my career. For too long now, it's taken a backseat to my love life, and that's not being fair to me.
It's become abundantly clear to me that we've fallen way too fast. I'm not ready to be a husband or a father. I know you have been, and probably are again, but I just see you getting hurt because of me. I don't want that. Whatever you think of me, please know that's the last thing I would ever want. I know this is a shock, and it's painful right now, but one day, believe it or not, you may thank me. I hope you will, anyway.
I do love you, and I want you to be happy. Please don't hate me.
Love,
Josh
P.S.--I left your house key hanging on the door."
Too stunned to even find the tears that begged so desperately for a release, I looked at the door. I saw my St. Jude medal hanging from the knob. It had been laced through the hole of the key and something else...the engagement ring.
TO BE CONTINUED . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
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