This is part eighteen of my continuing story.
Yes, it really is. My apologies for the delay, but I've had essentially no free time for quite a while now. Nonetheless, it's finally out. Considering I received death threats from some of you if I ever put out an installment that long again, I've opted to split this chapter's length, thus allowing me to get at least part of it to you now.
Now that I've thoroughly confused myself, this story probably wouldn't have gotten the prompt attention it needs without the encouragement and yes, harassment, of some people. They've grown too numerous to mention individually, so I'll leave you with that knowledge and them with the knowledge that they mean the world to me for their friendships.
I do wanna single out a few people though, and there's one Canadian cutie who's become a very important person to me. He's long been known to my Canuck counterpart, but I've only recently had the pleasure. I'm very glad I did. We call him Sprout, and he's recently embarked upon some writing of his own with "This Gift." It's a great story, and if you wouldn't mind, check it out. Please, as a personal favor to me :) Then, of course, there's the queen of all poukieness herself, the lovely Lauren. Also, one of my favorite Texans is Mike Ellis, whose "Studio in the Country" never ceases to be on my top stories of all time on the archive. And as a side note for any readers of "Common People," Seth assures me that he isn't dead.
Lastly, as always, but most importantly, also as always, is DLS. He's been my inspiration, my confidant, my editor, my shoulder to cry on, my most trusted friend in the world, and without a doubt, one of the greatest parts of my life. If you haven't met him, you're missing out. If you have, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Besides all that, "Brian and Me" and now "I'll Never Stop" (my title :) are my personal favourites (extraneous "u" for my north of the border friends), and I'm sure they'll be yours as well. (If there was ever any doubt, I left the "u" in, despite the fact that my spellchecker is having hell with it).
That being said, same disclaimers and rules apply. Since this is chapter 18, go to the beginning of the book for said mandatory disclaimers and rules, because I'm way too lazy to type them here.
As always, my love to my Joshua.
And that being said, on with the story. I do hope you'll enjoy it and let me know either way.
As much as I enjoyed their company, I was kinda glad to see Nate and Brian off. It was great having them around, but nothing compares to getting back to a normal routine, such as it was. Kathy would keep Kevin entertained, and JC would keep Justin entertained as need be. Honestly, though, I didn't think that would be all that often.
Justin and JC's relationship was extremely hard to define. They were closer than best friends. Hell, they were even closer than most brothers I knew. They each seemed so much more at ease when around one another. They didn't need to say or do anything--just be there. That seemed to improve JC's mood. He turned back into the carefree kid that appeared from time to time, and I liked that Justin could bring that out of him. That was just one of the reasons I found myself liking Justin more and more.
The afternoon after our latest airport excursion was blissfully quiet. Kevin went to Kathy's place with her, and JC and I just sat on the couch watching TV and eating chips and dip for most of the afternoon, forgoing a "real" meal after all the eating out we'd done of late. Justin sat in the recliner with his leg propped up while he read. I'd catch him smiling at us whenever we'd do something "cute," like when I fed chips to JC and got dip on his nose.
Predictably, JC fell asleep with his head in my lap while I stroked his hair. I looked up and saw Justin with his book resting on his chest, looking over his reading glasses at us with a smile.
"What?" I laughed.
"Nothing," he smiled.
"Come on, Curly," I prodded. "You've been staring at us all day. What gives?"
"Just thinking," he answered.
"Despite your blond locks, I actually guessed as much," I chuckled. "What I want to know is what's going on in that head of yours."
"I've never seen JC so happy in my life," he said so seriously it caught me off guard.
"What do you mean?" I asked for verification, instantly realizing how stupid it sounded.
"Just that," he answered flatly. "I've known him for so many years now, and he's never been like this around anyone, not even Craig. He's opened himself up to you completely, and that's something he never does. He's not in anal-retentive, all-business, watch out for everyone mode like he's in any time we're not on stage."
"I'm not following completely," I confessed.
He flashed me one of the sweetest smiles I'd ever seen. "I'm just saying that he trusts you, and before you go getting all defensive on me, I mean he feels safe around you--comfortable enough not to have to be the 'responsible' one all the time. He's not like that with anyone else, not even me."
"But he seems so much different around you," I pointed out.
"He is, but not like he is around you. You have to remember how young I was when he and I met, hell, how young we both were," he smiled. "He was everything to me. I was a scared kid, and he looked after me like a big brother or maybe even a father. Beyond that, he's my dearest friend on Earth, but yet, there's a part of him that even I can't reach. The only thing that used to bring that out of him was the music, and I would have never thought anyone could mean as much to him as that."
I started to speak, but he interrupted. "There wasn't . . . until you."
In truth, the profoundness and sincerity in his words left me speechless. He gave me a reassuring smile and continued. "I like seeing him like this. I love him more than anyone in the world, and the main thing--the only thing--I have ever wanted for him is his happiness. I thought he'd found it with Craig, and to some extent, I think they would have been very happy together. But still, there's a part of me that knows the two of you are so much more than that. I hope you realize just how much you mean to him, and I hope he means as much to you."
A tear trickled down my cheek to my jaw. "He does," I whispered, leaning over to kiss JC gently on his lips, soft enough not to rouse him. "Thanks, Curly," I smiled.
"Don't mention it," he returned. "I wasn't trying to get a response out of you. I was just thinking of how good you are together and how jealous I am."
"Jealous?" I sniffed.
"Yeah," he grinned. "I hope I can find someone to love me as much."
"You will, I promise," I smiled "Keep waxing poetic like that, and no one can resist you."
He just blushed and pushed his glasses back up on his nose, returning to his book. "Hey, Curly?"
"Yeah?" he asked, putting the book back on his chest.
"If you want to accelerate the whole finding someone thing, wear those glasses out in public."
"Why?" he asked, puzzled.
"Because they make you look good enough to eat," I laughed. He just shook his head and returned to the book once more while I found a movie on television.
I woke with a start during the night. JC was still sleeping comfortably in my lap. Looking down at his angelic visage brought a smile to my face. Come to think of it, I knew exactly which smile was probably plastered stupidly on my lips. It was moments like this that reminded me just how in love I truly was. I reached behind me and grabbed the afghan that always sat atop the couch. I spread it over him and contentedly watched him sleep.
I glanced over at Justin, who'd fallen asleep in the recliner--book, glasses, and all. I strained my eyes for a second to find the on/off button on the new damn universal remote I had bought before I was able to cast the room into virtual darkness. I softly brushed the hair at JC's temple back. I continued this for some indeterminable length of time before finally returning to sleep.
I felt a light tapping on my shoulder some hours later, and after a brief struggle, I saw Justin standing over us with a cup of coffee presented before me. I took it from him with an acknowledging smile.
"Four sugars, three creams, right?" he smiled as he hopped over to the recliner without his crutches.
"Yeah," I laughed as I sipped. "Somebody's a quicker study than I thought he was."
"Peroxide hasn't done that much damage," he smiled.
I nodded. "You're moving around quite a bit better. You want me to call and see about maybe getting you a walking cast a little later this week?"
"That'd be fantastic. Would you mind? My leg's about to itch me to death.
I just wanna take a coat hanger or something and stick it down there to make it stop."
"First off, don't go sticking anything down your pants." I paused for a moment of retrospect. "That didn't come out right, but no, I wouldn't mind.
I need to call Scott anyway. He's sent me several e-mails, and I need to get back to him."
An annoying tingle in my legs reminded me that JC was still asleep in my lap. I reached down and ran my hand down the neck of his shirt and rubbed my fingers between his shoulder blades.
"He gonna wake up anytime soon?" I laughed at Justin.
"First off," he laughed, "you've slept with him since I have, but given how long I've watched people have to get him up, pardon the pun, I'd say, 'Nope.
He's still gonna be out for hours.'"
"Thank you, but save the witty remarks for your fans," I smirked. "It's not like they have any taste anyway."
"Ooh, we're awfully bitchy first thing in the morning, aren't we?" he grinned.
"You've had your Apple Jacks. I can tell. You're entirely too damn chipper."
"Yup," he beamed.
"Piss off, so I can have my coffee and my boyfriend in peace," I laughed.
"You two go at it like you did the other night, and you'll have him in pieces alright," he giggled, making me blush and look away. I looked down at JC again and kissed his eyelids. He moaned softly and curled up even further into fetal position, hugging my leg even tighter. "But actually," he smiled, "I think I will. It's still early, so I think I'll go back to bed."
"Why don't you do that?" I agreed He rolled his eyes and hoped down the hallway with his arm braced against the wall. How he'd managed to bring me a cup of coffee without spilling it I couldn't fathom.
Unlike Justin, I was awake for the duration, but I didn't want to disturb JC, so I sat there, unmoving, just watching him sleep so contentedly, so peacefully. Almost three hours later, he rolled onto his back, looking straight up at me. As he strained to see me, I had to suppress a chuckle at the giant red mark on the side of his face where he'd been lying on my leg, not to mention the tufts of hair that stuck out from his head at right angles.
"Morning," he said dryly.
"Morning," I returned, leaning down to kiss him.
"You've got morning breath," he smiled.
"And you've got eye boogers. What's your point?" He grinned and leaned up to kiss me again. He sat up and stretched his arms with a yawn. He grabbed my arm and pulled me off the couch with a simple, "Bathtub, you, now."
I just smiled, almost tripping over him as he jerked me close. He leaned over to turn on the faucet, and when he did, I grabbed his hips and pulled him against me. I leaned over him to kiss along his spine.
We slid into the tub with him sitting between my legs. I squeezed the sponge over his shoulder and watched the water cascade down his back. I leaned in over his shoulder, allowing my chin to rest there while I nibbled on his earlobe. I slid my arms under his and clutched his chest, pulling him against my own. I softly kissed his neck while he traced his fingers up and down my legs. I sat there, quietly relishing his closeness, occasionally whispering, "I love you," in his ear, which inevitably made him turn to kiss me and smile.
After our bath, we wrapped towels around our waists and joined Justin in the living room. To our surprise, Kevin was there as well.
"Hey, Boo," I greeted, leaning over to kiss his cheek. "I didn't expect you back until tomorrow."
He smiled despondently. "Wasn't supposed to be."
I sat down on the couch with one leg under me. I straightened the towel to cover myself as JC did the same beside me. "What happened?"
"I took a cab over," he said flatly.
"Not that," I smiled. "I mean why'd you leave?"
He sighed. "I don't know."
"What do you mean?" I asked him.
"Something she's not telling me," he said simply.
I puffed my cheeks and exhaled sharply.
"What are you not telling me, Matt?" Kevin glared at me with a hurt look.
I looked over at JC, who picked up on my nonverbal cues. "Come on, Curly," he smiled, "let's go order something at a drive-thru and make a scene."
Justin looked confused, but he grabbed his crutches and followed JC back to the bedroom to get changed while I picked up the phone and called Kathy. "Get over here now," I demanded. "I won't be caught in the middle of this anymore."
Kathy came over a short time later, predictably mad as hell.
"Dammit, Matt!" she yelled. "I won't be given ultimatums."
"And like I said," I repeated in a stern tone, "I won't be put in the middle. You want to let Kevin leave here hurt? That's your decision, but I won't be a part of it."
"Him?!" she exclaimed. "What about me? You and JC have your perfect little relationship, he and Carrie are going to live happily ever after, and what about me? Who do I have?"
I deliberated before finally saying it. "You have your child." I had turned my attention back to Kathy as I said it, but once her expression began to darken, I soon found reason to look elsewhere again. There was really only one other place to look, though, and Kevin's expression wasn't much better.
The look on his face was almost enough to make me regret having spoken, no matter how convinced I was that it needed to be said. He seemed to be stuck in the middle of his emotions. I had no difficulty identifying anger, surprise, embarrassment, confusion, dawning understanding, and who knows how many were still working their way through.
As I was sure it would, shock won out for the moment. His jaw dropped, his eyes widened, and his breath hitched as he struggled for words. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked finally, barely glancing at me before fixing his gaze on Kathy.
She seemed to want to tell him, at least tell him something, but she couldn't. She crumbled into tears, resting against the wall for lack of a seat to catch her if she fell.
Of course, that was more than enough answer for Kevin. There were tears in his eyes as well before he was even on his feet, and he came over and took her in his arms. They both looked up at me as he led her back to the couch, waiting for me to say something else. I could see that Kevin wanted some sort of explanation, and that Kathy just wanted me out of the room. I had done enough.
Kathy won. There was a lot to say, but I'd said what needed to be said to get the ball rolling. "Why don't I go outside and wait for Josh and Curly?" I finally said, forcing myself to smile. Kevin's eyes went to Kathy, obviously unsure if she would want to be alone with him since it would mean that they would have to talk. There was a moment of hesitation on her part, and then she sniffed and nodded.
I excused myself and went to wait for the guys to get back, not wanting them to go inside and get in the middle of things.
When the guys got back, we went around to the back porch and ate the Tex-Mex they'd picked up. Finally, Kathy and Kevin joined us. The both gave me a smile that reassured me, and I saw it mirrored on JC's face. He handed Kevin the sack and nodded.
"So," I began, "did you two work things out?"
"For the most part," Kathy replied.
"Not really," Kevin smiled. "I got dumped."
"Sweetie?" Kathy grinned. "Getting dumped implies that you and I were still going out, when Lord knows I had to shoot your sorry ass to the curb."
"I thought you liked my ass," he grinned.
I started to say something but quickly got an elbow to the gut from JC. "What happened?" he asked them, giving me a wry look.
"He asked me to marry him," Kathy told him.
"What'd you say?" Justin wondered aloud, piecing together enough to have figured out what was going on.
"No," Kathy, Kevin, and I answered in unison. They both looked at me in surprise.
"I know you," I reminded her. She could only nod.
"I told him I wanted him to be a part of the baby's life," she started.
"And I agreed not to push so hard," Kevin half-smiled.
We just sat there in an awkward silence for a while before finally going back inside. JC went to call his family to see what the plan of attack was.
I got up and went to the kitchen, and Kevin wasn't far behind, though I didn't know it. I turned around with a drink in my hand, and Kevin leaped back to avoid causing a mess. I just smiled and jumped onto the countertop.
He did the same beside me.
"Thanks," he said simply.
"For what?" I asked him.
"For getting her to tell me," he answered. "She said she wouldn't have told me, were it not for you."
"That's not true," I smiled. "She would have told you in her own time, in her own way. I just accelerated the process is all. She was doing it for you, you know?"
"I know," he smiled. "I'm glad she told me sooner rather than later."
I nodded. "So what do you think?"
"About being a father?" he asked.
I nodded again.
"I'm about to bust," he smiled elatedly, and I knew exactly what he meant. "I'm so excited. Is it like this after they're born?"
"Better," I grinned.
"Do you think I'm ready?" he asked rather seriously.
"Well, I haven't known you all that long, but I'd say you're readier than I was," I smiled. "You're probably one of the most ready people I've ever met."
"You think so?"
"I know so," I reassured him. "I've seen you around my girls, and I've seen how you care about and protect everyone who's important to you. You have one of the biggest hearts I've ever seen."
"Hey!" I heard a voice behind us. "I thought I was the size queen in this relationship." When I felt someone's lips on the back of my neck, even had I not recognized the voice, I would have known who it was.
"Sweetie?" I grinned, "You certainly know how to kill a mood."
"Actually," JC smiled, walking around in front of me, "I thought that might get you in the mood."
"That wasn't the mood I was referring to," I told him, turning towards Kevin and smiling. "Sorry."
"I didn't mean to interrupt," JC explained. "You guys were just taking a long time and I wanted to make sure everything was okay. I can leave if you need your privacy."
"Actually," Kevin smiled, "everything's wonderful." He sprung from the countertop and patted JC's shoulders. "Why don't I give you some privacy?
Thanks, Matt."
"Anytime," I smiled.
After Kevin left, I grabbed JC around the waist with my legs and pulled him to me. He kissed me fiercely, and I slid my hands inside the back of his jeans.
"Think they'll miss us?" he asked between the bated breaths of each kiss.
"'They' who?" I smiled, leading him to the bedroom.
"Matt!" I heard Heather yelling before she was barely out of the gate. "It's good to see you."
"Good to see you, too," I smiled.
"Has the bonehead been behaving?" she grinned at JC.
"I think I'll keep him," I smiled. "At least until I get a better offer."
I immediately felt a jab into my ribs, and I turned to find a scolding look and sarcastic smile. "Move over. She's my sister," JC reminded.
"Well, nobody's perfect," I smirked, only to find myself on the receiving end of another elbow.
"Where is everyone else?" JC asked her, perplexed.
"You know Dad," she mused. "He and Mom insist on sitting in their seats until everyone else is off the plane." She turned to me to explain, "He says he hates to stand up and sit there with his head stuck against the overhead compartment while everyone trudges down the aisle."
"Actually," I heard a voice I didn't recognize, "I usually follow that up with a remark about where's Charlton Heston when you need him."
I turned to see the rest of the Chasez family, and I would have immediately recognized them. "How do you do, Mr. Chasez?" I extended my hand.
"Please, call me Roy. I figure anyone Josh trusts enough to hop in the sack with this quickly ought to at least be on a first-name basis with his father," he smiled with a look that I couldn't discern as being genuine or not.
"Dad!" JC gritted through his teeth. "First off, that was rude. Secondly, could you please say it a little louder next time? I don't think the whole airport heard you."
His father shook his head. "I'm partially kidding with Matt, son. I'd sincerely hoped you'd at least found a boyfriend with a sense of humor, and as for the whole airport hearing us, I really think the chances of the three other people left in the airport after midnight hearing me are pretty slim."
"I'm Karen," his mother introduced me, trying to spare all of us any further discourse not to mention to help set me at ease after I caught the word "partially."
"A pleasure, Mrs. Chasez," I smiled, shaking her hand.
"Mrs. Chasez is my mother-in-law," she smiled. "I introduced myself as Karen."
"Okay, Karen," I smiled.
"And this," JC beamed, "is my little brother, TJ."
"Tyler," Tyler corrected. "Goof ball here is the only one who still calls me TJ."
"Nice to meet you, Tyler," I smiled, grabbing his bag and Karen's while JC grabbed his Dad's and Heather's.
"Justin still not moving around too good?" Heather asked.
"Actually," I told her, "he's moving around just fine now. He got a walking cast this morning, and he was so excited, we were out all over town.
He wore himself out, and he was asleep on the couch when we left."
"In other words," Tyler grinned, "he's doing his impression of you."
"Very funny," JC smirked. "Did your parents have any children that lived?"
"Yeah," Heather smiled, " a girl."
"Or two, you mean," Tyler stuck his tongue out at JC. "Isn't that right, woman?"
JC laughed and cuffed his brother around the neck. His father just rolled his eyes, "I guess I can't threaten to turn the car around since I'm not driving, so how about I go for the old standard of 'Don't make me have to separate you two?'"
"Threaten to separate him from Matt," Heather laughed. "You'll get better results."
"Actually," Karen inserted seriously, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist on that anyway."
"But Mom!" JC pouted, so much like a child that I had to turn away to keep from laughing.
"No 'buts,' young man," she chastised him. "I may accept the fact that you're gay, but you know how I feel about premarital sex."
"Oh, yeah, Mom," Tyler muttered, "Josh has been saving himself."
"And that's quite enough out of you, too, young man," Karen quickly spun on Tyler. "I'm not naive enough to think that your brother is a virgin, but that does not mean that I'll abide him carrying on in a way that I don't find acceptable while I'm under the same roof he is. I realize he may not be able to be married in the traditional way, but until he and Matt have made some kind of permanent commitment, I just don't feel comfortable having them carry on like that." Heather tossed me a look out of the corner of her eye as Karen continued, "I hope you understand, Matt. It's nothing against you personally."
"Yeah," JC confirmed. "Craig and I couldn't even sleep in the same room after we were engaged."
I nodded. "I understand perfectly, and I think it's very admirable. Those are some standards I'd like for my own children to live by when the time comes."
"Do as I say, and not as I do?" Roy said flatly. I could tell by his facial expression that this was a test.
"Yes, sir," I nodded. "I've always tried to instill the values I believed in as a boy into my girls, and while I've tried to live up to my own expectations, sadly, I fall short. I just hope that I'm a good enough example of both what to do and what not to do and that the girls' upbringing will help them to be the mature, responsible young women that I know they can, and ultimately will, be." I honestly wasn't sure if that had come out as I'd wanted it to, but an approving look from Karen told me that I wasn't sinking as quickly as I thought I was.
"How are your daughters?" Karen smiled, subtly redirecting the conversation. "My son has told me a lot about them."
"Spoiled rotten," I smiled, "but I wouldn't have it any other way." She smiled and nodded. "Actually, they're wonderful. We just got back from a school dance they were having, and they seemed to have had a good time."
"Of course, having their father's celebrity boyfriend there couldn't have hurt," Roy pointed out with a peculiar tone.
"I'm sure it didn't," I acknowledged.
"Matt didn't have as much to do with that as you might imagine, Dad," JC cut in with a defensive tone. "Caitlin and Colleen wanted us there, so we went. Matt told everyone that it wasn't necessary."
"Somehow, I can't see you denying him any favors," Roy commented.
"No, Dad, I wouldn't, but his girls are pretty special. That's why Justin and the others came along as well."
"You dragged Justin into this as well?" Roy demanded. I was getting very uncomfortable in my seat. I wanted to turn around and say something, but I figured I'd better keep my eyes on the road and let JC handle this like he thought it should be handled.
"I don't 'drag' Justin anywhere," JC said, visibly angry. I could see Heather and Tyler in the rearview mirror, and both of them just watched on in silence, like they didn't know who was going to win this battle of wills, and they didn't want to put money on either side. "Justin is my best friend, and he happens to think as much of Matt and his children as I do. The same goes for Brian and Kevin. Nobody was coerced into doing anything, I resent the implication."
"Brian and Kevin?" Karen asked, intentionally cutting off Roy's next statement. "From the Backstreet Boys?"
"Yeah," JC answered simply, trying to calm down. "Matt's friend Kathy used to go out with Kevin, so he and Brian were down here for some R&R."
"That's nice," Karen commented in traditional motherly fashion. "I know you all haven't really had that much to do with one another in a long time, and it's just been so horrible how this supposed rivalry has been played up in the media."
"Wonderful," Roy grunted. "Not only are you and Justin getting sucked into this, but apparently your celebrity coattails aren't enough, so the Backstreet Boys are also being grabbed onto."
That one did it. That remark sent me high and right, and I was about to say something I was sure I would regret--eventually. Instead, JC placed his hand on my arm in a soothing fashion. "I've already told you, Dad. We volunteered, to go to a high school dance for Christ's sake . . . ."
"Language, son," Karen whispered softly.
"Sorry," he apologized. "What is the big deal? Besides, Matt's cousins are half of 98 Degrees. There's no celebrity adulation, and I'm not his meal-ticket. So what's your fucking problem?"
I didn't recall JC cursing that often, and certainly not under circumstances like these. I had pulled into the driveway during that last statement, but everyone was too scared to move. I was waiting for the impending explosion, or at the very least, to hear Karen correct him again.
Instead, I saw the weirdest sight I'd seen in ages. Roy just smiled and climbed out of the vehicle, placing a hand on both of our shoulders as he did. "As long as you're both happy?"
Karen just smiled and took Roy's hand as he helped her onto the driveway. JC looked as lost as I did. As his parents walked towards the front door, JC turned from me to his siblings. "Somebody want to explain to me what the hell that was all about?"
"That, dear boy," Heather smiled, "was a test. You've been out of the house since before you hit puberty, so you wouldn't know, but that was just a modified version of the drill that every date I have ever had has been subjected to."
"Are you sure?" I asked her. "Your father doesn't seem to like me very much."
"On the contrary," she grinned. "He likes you a lot. That's why he deliberately poked at you to see what kind of reaction it would elicit from Josh."
"I'm confused," I confessed.
"Easy," Tyler chimed in. "He wanted to see how Josh would handle someone criticizing your relationship. You know--to see if it's got what it takes to last."
"I don't get it," JC shook his head. "He never did any of that with Craig."
"And that reflects well on your boy-toy, there," Tyler smiled towards me.
"What?" JC squinted.
"It means he likes you," Heather informed me as she climbed out of her seat as well.
"You're saying he didn't like Craig?" JC prodded for elaboration.
"It's not that," Tyler quickly added.
"There's just something he does like about Matt," Heather explained for her brother.
JC seemed satisfied with that answer and grabbed one of his parents' bags. "He couldn't stand him," Tyler whispered to me. I just shook my head in disbelief as I saw Justin letting Roy and Karen inside.
"How come Josh didn't know?" I asked, climbing out the same time as his brother.
Heather grabbed her bag and started singing the chorus of "Love is Blind" by Eve. I just sat there befuddled.
Tyler grabbed his bag and gave JC's shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "I'm surprised you can't see how much Dad likes Matt. Something about him must remind Dad of himself on some level."
"Gross," JC laughed. "I've heard of marrying a girl just like Mom, but yuck. And since when did you two become so smart?"
"About the time you turned into the flavor-of-the-month for every female under the legal drinking age," Tyler smirked.
"Not to mention for a few males over it," Heather smiled at me, inexplicably causing me to blush. JC and I grabbed his parents' bags and followed inside.
"What took you guys so long?" Roy asked, standing in front of the television.
"Just filling big brother in on a couple of things," Tyler half-smiled, and Karen's nod wasn't lost on me.
"Hey, Justin," Tyler greeted.
"Hey, TJ," he replied.
Tyler rolled his eyes and looked at me. "Okay, one of two people who still call me that."
"Hey, Justin," Heather smiled at him, leaning in to give him a kiss on the cheek.
"You know," Justin grinned at her, "you look more and more beautiful everyday."
"It's only been a few weeks since you've seen me," she reminded him.
"See," he laughed, "that proved it."
Tyler just laughed. "Hey, big brother, you gonna let him mack on her like that?"
"First off," JC shook his head, "'mack?' Have you been hanging around Justin too long? Secondly, she's a big girl. She can take him."
"I can take you all, you bunch of girlie-men," she teased.
"Well, children," Roy started, "as much as I would love to watch the riveting exchange going on, it's after one o'clock in the morning, two, for those of us on Eastern time, and I, for one, am going to bed, and I'd suggest we all do the same."
I didn't want to say anything, but I didn't particularly care for someone handing down such announcements in my own house, but in the sake of peace, I let it slide when I noticed virtually everyone agreeing.
"Roy and Karen, why don't you take the master bedroom, I'll crash with Justin, Josh and Tyler can take the girls' room, and that leaves one room for Heather," I suggested.
"Thank you, Matt," Karen smiled. "See everyone in the morning."
Justin and I had gone to bed, but I couldn't sleep. I was sitting up with my bare back against the headboard when Justin reached over and turned on the light. "You wanna talk about it?" he asked.
"Nervous," I said plainly.
"About his parents or the chemo?"
"Both," I admitted.
"Well, I can't help much with the latter, but his parents are just like this. Trust me, they'll warm up to you."
"I hope you're right. Heather and Tyler said Roy was just testing me, and I know he was. I just don't know if beyond that, he likes me, and Karen just doesn't seem to wanna say much at all to me."
"How could they not like you?" he smiled. "You love their son very much, and anyone can see that. Roy's standoffish at first, but trust me, there's no one you'd rather have in your corner. As for Karen, when she has something to say, believe me, she'll say it."
"I hope you're right."
"I'm always right," Justin grinned.
"Peroxide overload," I half-smiled.
"Fine," he laughed. "Since you seem hung up on this blond thing, I'll let my hair go dark again, just so you can't say anything."
"I'll believe that when I see it," I laughed.
"Just wait," he grinned again. "Now what time do you need to get up in the morning?"
"I have to be at outpatient registration by six," I answered.
"Then you might want to get to sleep, since that gives you less than three hours," he said, placing a hand on my shoulder.
"Ah, and the voice of reason hasn't drowned in the bottled blondness," I teased him again.
"Bite me," he growled, rolling over.
I grabbed his butt-cheek. "Tempting, but not enough meat on your bones."
"Please," he giggled. "You might as well go vegetarian if Skinny's enough for you."
"Why Mr. Timberlake," I said in my best Southern belle voice, "is that an offer?"
"Not for you, you big fruit," he laughed. "Now go to sleep, and keep your hands to yourself."
"Darn," I pouted. "This close to the guy the press called 'The Hottie with the Body,' and I can't even cop a feel."
He rolled his eyes. "Maybe another time."
"I'll remember that," I teased.
All of my false bravado faded once I walked through the doors of the hospital. Instantly, I was that terrified teenager again who knew how quickly it could all end. When I abruptly stopped inside the entrance, JC looked at me in concern.
"This is stupid," I told him. "I've walked into this hospital dozens of times a week for years. Why am I having so much trouble now?"
A single tear rolled down my cheek, and I saw several rolling down his as he hugged me. "Guys?" Justin whispered. "Let's at least get you into a room first. This is not exactly very private."
I gently pushed JC away. "Curly's right." Even so, as we walked down the hallways, JC grabbed my hand anyway and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
We walked around to registration. As I sat down to give the clerk my information, the guys were recognized, and it was starting to become a scene. Luckily, Scott appeared to speak with me and realized what was going on. He backtracked to get security and provided us with enough of a distraction to climb over the admissions desk and slip quietly up to the oncology ward.
The unit secretary showed us to my room. JC and I sat down on the bed as Justin dropped into the chair adjacent. JC wordlessly rubbed the small of my back with his hand as Justin leaned over my shoulder to give me a peck on the cheek. I just smiled as the nurse entered the room.
"Hey, Hunt!" she smiled, running over to hug me.
"Hey, Ange. How've you been?"
"Good," she smiled. "Finally got my figure back after baby #3."
"Please," I rolled my eyes. "You've always had breeder hips."
She laughed and slugged my arm. At once, her expression grew serious. "I'm so sorry. When Bobby told me, I just wanted to cry."
"Me, too," I smiled weakly. Suddenly remembering my manners, "Oh, Ange, this is JC Chasez and Justin Timberlake. Guys, this is Angela North."
"I take it you two knew each other before," Justin smiled.
"Yeah," she replied. "He and I were in school together."
"How'd you wind up here in Memphis?" JC asked.
"I got married," she smiled, looking at her wedding band. "My husband moved down here for part of his training, and after he finished, he was offered a job."
"Wait a minute," JC realized, "isn't North your doctor's last name?"
"Bobby's my husband," Angela smiled. "Okay, I've answered my twenty questions. Do get to ask mine now?" I nodded apprehensively. "Since when do you hang out with *NSYNC?"
I hesitated, unsure how to answer. I trusted Angela implicitly, but I didn't stand to lose as much as JC did if I was wrong. "Since he started dating *NSYNC," JC smiled, extending his hand to Angela as if reading my thoughts. I smiled at him and patted his leg.
"You're dating *NSYNC?" she asked.
"Just one," Justin added, pointing to JC with a smile.
"That's wonderful," she smiled. "Besides, he's cute."
Justin started laughing at JC's blushing. We were interrupted by a knock at the door--it was Scott again. "I just wanted to wish you luck," he told me, leaning in for a hug. "I got them to postpone your hearing until you're feeling up for it," he whispered.
"Thanks," I returned in like fashion.
He opened the door to leave just as Bobby walked in. I chuckled to myself and shook my head. Bobby came in in traditional Bobby fashion. Underneath the requisite lab coat was a football jersey and workout shorts. The effect was completed with a pair of sandals on his feet.
"You sure you trust this guy?" JC whispered in my ear, and my composure was gone.
"Yeah," I laughed. "Bobby almost got kicked out of his training program several times for failure to comply with the dress code."
"Making a statement?" Justin grinned.
"Yeah," Bobby smiled. "Don't waste money on dry-cleaning bills." Turning his attention to me again, "So, you ready?"
"As I'll ever be," I nodded.
"Okay, well, in case you hadn't guessed, Ange is gonna administer the chemo."
"That's fine," I nodded, instantly realizing it was kind of a dumb thing to say, since he was telling me, not asking me.
"Glad you approve," she laughed. I was hoping it would slide. Guess not.
"Well, Matt," Bobby began, "I've got patients to see at my office. I'll just leave you to my capable better half, and if you need me, I'm just a few blocks away."
"Thanks, Bobby," I smiled.
"You bet," he returned. "Good to see you both," he announced, shaking both JC and Justin's hands before kissing Ange on the cheek and scurrying out the door.
"You want me to start the IV, Matt?" Angela asked me.
"Sure, why wouldn't I?" I asked her, taking off my shirt and putting on the hospital gown.
"Well, I did learn to stick you, remember?" she winced.
"Oh, yeah," I laughed. "I hope to hell you're better at it now than you were then."
"I am," she grinned.
"I think I'll wait in the hall," JC announced, suddenly going green when Angela pulled the cap off the angiocath.
"It's okay, sweetie. I understand," I told him.
"I want to be here for you," he pouted, feeling very inadequate.
"You are," I smiled. "Justin can hold my hand."
"You sure?" he asked.
"Go," I smiled. "I don't want to pick you up off the floor when she sticks me."
"Go," Justin laughed at him. "I'll step up and be the man your fella is so obviously lacking."
I just rolled my eyes at him. "Another invitation?" I smiled. He just shook his head and tossed a pillow at the door as it shut behind JC.
I looked over at my arm just in time to see Angela taping the needle in place. I'd been stuck so many times, it barely registered anymore. I laughed, thinking I would make a good junkie now.
"You can come in now, JC!" Justin yelled.
I giggled and put a piece of cloth tape over the site so that JC couldn't see it. He came back in and sat beside me, leaning in to kiss my forehead.
Angela excused herself long enough to get the bag of chemo. I suddenly didn't feel well just looking at it. JC and Justin each squeezed a hand. "You guys mind stepping out for a sec while I get this started?"
Justin started to lift himself off the chair, but JC said simply, "I'm staying."
"You really shouldn't be in here for this part," Angela reiterated.
"I'm not going," JC said adamantly.
"Sweetie, it's okay. Won't take half a second," I told him.
"Then it's not worth me leaving."
I just sort of shrugged. Angela just smiled. "Okay, but if you guys have kids with three arms or something, I don't know a thing about it."
She started the bag infusing and told me she'd be back to check on me a little later. Justin turned on the television and started watching the news. JC just laid in the bed with me and just stared at me. If I didn't know how concerned he was, it would have probably annoyed me.
He just hummed in my ear and brushed his fingers through my hair. I was enjoying the relaxation when it hit me. I was hoping this first treatment would go off without a hitch, but my body remembered. The waves of nausea hit me like a sledgehammer, and I leapt over him to the bathroom before proceeding to vomit. The undulations felt like they were bringing my stomach out through my mouth. The heaves came one after the other, and I thought my heart would explode in my chest with each one.
JC just smiled behind me and held my hair out of my face. "Didn't realize I was that off-key," he laughed.
Despite myself, I tried to smile, but that little bit of movement sent me spiraling again. "What can I do?" Justin asked from the doorway to the bathroom.
"Call Ange," I barely managed before projecting again.
"Can I help you?" came the voice over the intercom.
"He needs something for nausea," Justin answered.
"I'll be right there," she answered.
True to her word, and very uncharacteristic of most nurses, she came right away, a syringe in hand. JC turned his head as she pushed the needle through one port and released the medication into my vein.
"That's a cocktail of antiemetics Bobby likes to use. It should help in a minute or two, but you're probably going to pass out," she told me.
I nodded my understanding, disturbing my sense of up-and-down enough to summon another retching, dry this time. JC wet one of the washcloths by the sink and wiped my mouth with it. I tried to stand, so I could walk back to the bed, but the dry heaving crippled me.
"Can you watch his IV?" JC asked Angela.
"Yes," she nodded, barely a moment before JC had picked me up in his arms. I was already so weak I couldn't even hold my head upright. It just limply rolled against his chest as he gently set me back in the bed.
Justin brought the rag with him and started dabbing my forehead as JC pressed my fingertips to his lips. I don't remember anything past that, as the medication's effects took hold.
The next thing I remember was hearing Karen's voice telling someone that I was going to be alright. I strained and finally got my eyes open long enough to see JC sitting on the bed in front of me, Karen behind him with her hands on his shoulders.
"What are you doing here?" I rasped hoarsely at his mother.
"We all wanted to see how you were doing?" Tyler answered from next to Justin. They were playing cards.
"How'd you know?" I stammered.
"Kevin," JC smiled. "He called the house to see if you'd had your first treatment yet."
"Boy's got a big mouth," I smiled.
"And a big heart," JC smiled. "He said to give you his love, and his prayers are with you."
"That's sweet," I smiled. I looked around puzzled. "How'd you get here?"
"I've been here before, remember?" Heather asked.
"Oh, yeah," I mumbled incoherently before falling asleep again. I vaguely remember Angela coming in for something, but beyond that, I woke up in my own bedroom with JC's arms around me.
"Hey," I croaked.
"Hey, sweetie," he smiled weakly at me. It broke my heart to see how worried he was about me.
I inhaled slowly and eased myself to a sitting position. "I'm okay," I assured him. "This is just the body's way of saying 'what the hell are you putting inside you?'"
He tried to laugh, but I could tell that he hardly found it funny. I leaned over and kissed him. When I withdrew, he was trying to hide the tear that rolled down his cheek. I started to say something, but looking into his eyes, he seemed to beg me to let him be strong, now, while he was able. "Can I do something for you?" he asked.
I wanted to tell him, 'Yes. Don't worry,' but in truth, it felt good to have someone so worried about me. "Back rub?" I smiled.
"Absolutely," he smiled, lifting my shirt at the sides. I eased forward onto the sheets, and he gently straddled the backs of my legs as his fingers caressed the exhausted musculature. He had just leaned over to kiss the back of my neck when a knock came from the door.
"Come in," I announced.
Karen came in with the portable phone in her hand. She looked at JC with an odd look for a second, before handing the phone to me. "Justin answered the phone. It's your cousin Nick. I told him I'd bring you the phone so he could stay off the leg."
"Thank you, Karen," I smiled, taking the phone.
"Josh, can I see you for a minute while Matt's on the phone?" she said, rather solemnly.
"Go ahead, sweetie," I told him.
He nodded. "Give the guys my love," he said before following his mother out of the room.
I nodded. "Hey, Nicky," I yelled into the phone. Just talking to the lunkhead made me feel better.
"Hey, loser," he laughed. "How you feelin'?"
I could tell the difference in his tone. "Bout the same as last time," I confessed.
"Do I need to come down?" he asked.
"No," I smiled. "JC's doing a pretty good job of taking care of me."
"He better," Nick chuckled, "or I'll kick the shit out of him."
"Don't threaten my boyfriend," I warned teasingly.
"Tell him not to give me a reason to make good on it," he said, only half-jokingly.
"I'm okay. The nausea's pretty well passed," I told him.
"No pain, I hope," he asked worriedly.
I just smiled. "You saw me a week ago. I haven't gone downhill that much."
"Okay, okay," he laughed. "But you'll tell me if I need to do anything, right?"
"Sure."
"Matt, I mean it," he said seriously.
"I know, and so do I. I can't think of anyone I'd rather have in my corner," I confessed.
"And I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be," he told me sincerely. "Hold on, Drew's here."
"Hey, Matt," he greeted.
"Hey, Andy," I laughed.
"I see you lived," I could hear him smile.
"No thanks to you," I teased. "Really caring family would have been there."
"But that would imply I care," he laughed. "Besides, you know I'll be there in a minute if you need me."
"But that would imply I need you," I laughed. "I know. Just messing with you."
"Well, don't," he said. "I feel bad enough that we're not there."
I just smiled and shook my head. "Don't be ridiculous, guys. I'm a big boy, and I can take a few steps without someone holding my hand."
I got a few seconds of silence on the other end. "Andy?" I asked.
"Just worried," he said solemnly.
"I know," I responded in kind, "and I appreciate it. I'll keep you posted, but by the sounds of it, you guys are doing a concert, so get back to it before I have to save you all from the unemployment line."
"Okay, okay," he laughed. "I can take a hint."
"Well, you're one up on your brother then," I teased.
"I heard that," Nick shouted into the phone.
I just laughed. "Tell him he should really do something about those dog ears."
"Will do," Drew laughed. "Hang on, Jeff and Justin wanna say hi."
"HEY!" I heard them scream in unison.
Laughing, I tore the phone from my ear. "Hey, you pale imitations of a real boyband."
"That hurt, Matt," Jeff feigned.
"At least I'm not starting in on the size jokes, tiny," I teased. I could hear the others' "oohs" and "aahs" in the background.
"Now you know that's not true," he tried to pout, eventually giving in to the laughter.
"Yeah," I grinned. "I do, but think what the tabloids would pay me anyway."
Justin chimed in. "I don't know. What's the going rate on exposing that someone's sleeping with a gay boyband member?"
"Watch it," I warned him with a smile on my face. "Everyone knows you're the most expendable member of the group, and I've got plenty of money to hire a hit."
"Well," he chuckled, "I guess you're fine. Talk atcha later."
"Bye, Justin. Bye, Jeff."
"Bye, Matt," everybody said in unison before ending the phone call.
I set the phone down in the pile of covers beside me. Looking around, I realized that JC hadn't rejoined me. I grabbed my T-shirt and pulled it on before slipping out of the bedroom. I turned towards the den when I heard JC's voice coming from the farthest room.
"I don't care, mother!" he shouted clearly as I approached the door.
"Josh, honey, listen to me...."
"NO, DAMMIT!"
"Watch your language, Jo...."
"I will NOT watch my fucking language! You're being absurd."
I peeked in the door to see Karen trying not to lose her composure. "I don't want you seeing him anymore, son."
"That's not your decision to make. Not anymore," he said adamantly.
"Just listen to me," Karen began.
"No, mother, this conversation is finished," JC fumed defiantly.
"I do NOT want you hurt again," she cried on the verge of tears.
Josh held his head in defeat and walked over to his mother. "I know," he whispered softly. "I cry myself to sleep whenever he isn't watching, praying to God that he's going to be alright. When he started throwing up today, I wished God would strike me dead right then and there if it would make him be okay. Do you understand how much I love him?"
The profound sincerity in his words hit me like a truck. No one had ever loved me like this. I smiled, trying my damnedest not to let the tear drip down my nose.
"I know you love him, honey," she acknowledged. "It just pains me. I like him a lot. I can tell he's a good man. But does he know what he's doing to you?"
I paused, reflecting on her last question. I seized my breath and walked inside. "He does now," I tried to smile. "And I love him for it."
"Do you feel the same way?" Karen asked flatly.
"Mother!" JC warned.
"No, Josh. It's an honest question and it deserves an honest answer," I smiled at him. Looking back at his mother, I knew what I was about to say would probably spark even more debate. "I trust him to care for my children if something happens to me. I can think of no greater act of love or faith I could show."
"What's he talking about?" Karen demanded of JC.
"Just what he said, mom," JC confirmed. "I told Matt that if something did happen to him, I wanted to take care of the girls."
"Have you lost your mind?" she gritted her teeth.
"No," he muttered, his own rage building. "You and dad have always said I needed to grow up. To be mature."
"This isn't what I had in mind," she glared at me.
"Karen, this isn't a decision I came to lightly. I didn't want to burden him with the girls. My own arguments were that I barely knew him."
"That's exactly my point . . . ," she started.
". . . but," I continued, "I was wrong." Both of them looked at me with puzzled expressions. "I've known him my entire life. I realize that there's nothing about him that I haven't known for a hundred lifetimes. Don't you think it kills me to know that I might hurt him the way Craig did by leaving him?"
She seemed to think it was a rhetorical question, by my silence told her otherwise. "Well?" I demanded.
"I'm sorry you're going through this terrible ordeal, but I don't know that it's worth the pain it will cause him."
"I'm a big boy, mother," JC spat venomously.
"I don't know that it's worth it either, Karen. I've tried to make him question that himself, God knows I've tried. Ultimately, though, it's his decision to make. If he's willing to bring happiness to my life by being a part of it, I can't turn my back on that."
"And you shouldn't," I heard a voice from behind me. Turning around, I saw Roy standing in the doorway.
"How long have you been standing there?" Karen asked him.
"Long enough, dear. Why don't we go back in the living room with the others. Matt looks tired, and they need to move their things back into Matt's bedroom before they go to bed."
JC was crying. He walked over to his father and hugged him as though his life depended on it. "Thank you," he muttered into Roy's shirt.
"Take good care of my son," he mouthed silently. All I could do was nod. Karen gave me a defeated smile and left the room. Roy grabbed my neck and kissed my the top of my head before following her. All JC and I could do was just look at one another. I walked over to him, hugged him, and tried to tell him how much he meant to me. The words failed me.
TO BE CONTINUED . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
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