Here is the latest installment of the story. As always, this is entirely fictional, and given its contents not intended to be read by anyone not allowed to do so under any applicable laws. Also as always, I welcome and look forward to your comments etc - they help in many ways, not the least of which is the shameful boost to self esteem that at least some of them give. Thanks for reading.
Seal Rocks Part 23
They trudged back out of the breakers after about ten minutes, to find their boardshorts laid out on the sand for them near the waterline. Jesse frowned. Of course he'd stripped at some point - or been stripped, anyway - but when, and how, he found he had no idea. He looked at Mike. "How - I mean, when did we - like, get naked, anyway, in the middle of all this stuff?"
Mike paused as he picked up his boardshorts, thinking. "I think Ernie pulled mine off while I was sucking that guy. Or maybe he did."
Jesse nodded, blushing. As to himself, he couldn't remember. "So was - um, Kevin - was he, uh, like, big, or whatever - "
"He was fucking huge - he was bragging about it the whole time. His eight inch meat, he called it."
Jesse nodded. "Right. Mine too. Julian. Big."
Mike was looking away. "It, um - it looked it. I mean, y'know. At the end there. I - I sort of, I saw close up, and all." He swallowed. "Really big."
"Ya. Me too. I, uh, I, like, saw it too. In - inside you, and all." Jesse sat on the sand, still nude, staring at nothing in particular. "Oh, shit."
Mike's face was impassive. "I know." He turned away. "But - but I -we, both of us - we came like damn fountains." He sighed. "Anyway, it'll pay for your family and stuff, right?"
Jesse scrambled to his feet in a panic. "Mike, I - we don't have to do this, like, any more. I don't want to, not if it's fucking us up or anything. I - I'm sorry we did this, Mike. P - please, Mike, don't be pissed at me."
Mike was walking away, slowly. "Yeah. Sure. Whatever."
Jesse stood rooted for a few seconds, then spun in a slow awkward circle, face in hands. It was all falling apart, he'd lost Mike. There was a Humvee with camouflage paint on it parked atop the bluff above him - a Marine vehicle. He didn't care. He opened his mouth to cry, to scream, but no sound came out, just a long rasping groan as his arms thrust down and away from him, his fists clenched. Mike was walking past Ernie, past Falcone, Julian and Kevin, past the remaining tech guys still stowing things into the three Escalades they'd driven down in, off by himself to the south, toward Las Pulgas. A flock of gulls passed over him, screeching loudly, and divebombed the spot where they'd eaten earlier in the day, looking for scraps in the sand.
Jesse started to run. He was naked, and mildly worried in the back of his mind about crunching his balls, but he sprinted nonetheless. Falcone called to him as he passed. Jesse couldn't make out what he said.
Mike heard him approaching, heard his ragged breathing and his sobbing. He stopped and turned. Jesse had never seen his face look worse - pain, disgust, mortification. He threw himself against Mike, begging. "Please, Mike, don't. I- I'll do anything, Mike, please. Please don't."
Mike held him, solemnly, carefully. "I love you, Jes. I just - I dunno if I can do this. I'm sorry. This was too much. I wanna help, Jes, but . . . not like this. Not with them - people like them. I don't wanna turn into them, Jes. I just - God, Jes, what've we done . . ."
They stood together for several minutes. Falcone's van drove past slowly, with Kevin and Julian whistling at them derisively from inside. "Hope you boys had fun!" Julian called out. Jesse felt his body tense, he wanted to chase after them and rip their lungs out. Only Mike's grip held him back.
Ernie was to Jesse's left. "I, um, I owe you both an apology."
Jesse tossed his hair back and sniffled as he lifted his head from Mike's shoulder. "For what, Ernie? Didn't you get what you wanted out of this? Some good 'content' for the website that'll rake in the money so you can go get your hooks into some other underage fuckups ? Wasn't that the whole fuckin' point, Ernie??"
Ernie looked down; Jesse was conscious for the first time that they were both taller than he was. "This was not the day, or the shoot, I had planned, Ronnie."
"My name's not fucking Ronnie, OK?"
"I'm sorry."
"The pathetic little - little BOY - who just got his mouth and his ass fucked by that piece of shit - that's Ronnie, not me." He began pacing in a small circle, Mike standing aside with slack arms.
"I know. I know this was hard for you - "
"Hard for me? Hard for me???" He sniffled again. "I pulled my best friend into this, who's doing this shit to help me out, and he just got used like a Goddam dishrag, and it's hard for me??? What fucking planet are you on, Ernie?"
"All right, do I get to say anything here, or do you just want to beat me up and be done with it?"
Jesse took a deep shuddering breath and halted. "I don't wanna beat you up, Ernie. I just - God, how could anybody do this shit to another person?? What the fuck is the matter with you people?"
Ernie dropped crosslegged onto the sand. "Sit down." His tone was so quiet, but direct, that they immediately complied. He had suddenly taken the role of the adult present.
Ernie pursed his lips for a long moment before proceeding. "I was sixteen when I started in the business. Before the Web and DVDs and all, when mostly it was video and picture mags made of stills from video. Lots of those. And it's not that long ago, really - about twenty years." He shrugged. "Not long to me, anyway. I had my season as the boy toy of the week, but of course it didn't last - you always grow up, at least in looks, and there's always someone younger and cuter than - than you've become since, like, yesterday. And God knows I had my days, shoots that were - just horrible. Things I never wanted to even imagine. But I also had days that were so good. Hot, erotic, whatever you want to call it. Even the straight porn - yes, I did both, don't look so surprised, girls can be fun, too, you know." The boys exchanged worried glances - did he know about Kate too? "I was good at it - on both sides of the camera. I learned that, about myself, as I learned the business."
"Denny's a pig, I know that. He's always been. He's pimped boys out of a restaurant he owns in Hollywood since back in the '80s, he doesn't care about STDs or AIDS with his boys - but he's connected, and he pays. I was doing some still work, with small shoots on the side, when he offered me a lot of money - believe me - to do the Voyeur content. It was supposed to be all my work, my control, I took care of the boys. I had to put up with those two because they're Denny's favorites for the moment - at least until Julian's slammed enough crystal to hurt his looks, and that's not far off now. You noticed his arms, didn't you?" Jesse nodded. "Well, anyway, it was an opportunity. I was able to do something that I was good at, and not exploit people - "
"This isn't exploiting us?" Mike asked.
"You don't know from exploitation, Michael." Ernie's use of Mike's proper name was startling. "This was uncomfortable for you, I know, but it was nothing, please believe that. I think you'll agree that until today things have gone well for you - within the, well, parameters, of what we've been doing. Good money, confidentiality, some thrills - come on, admit that, you do like it one some levels." Both boys blushed. "But today I underestimated things. Underestimated Denny, and those boys. Denny wants control, and his idea of a good shoot is more - well, aggressive - than what I think is right, especially for you two. And Julian especially has just gotten green over how many hits you boys are getting - the money you're making and so on. You're his replacement - or at least you represent that to him, it's coming down the line like Fate but he doesn't want to admit it. It's not easy being Flavor of the Week when your week's up. I didn't know how bad he and Kevin had gotten over it until today, when I saw it the way they treated you. And then it was too late."
He took off his sunglasses and rubbed his eyes. "This was not supposed to be like this. It shouldn't have been. We could have done some nice, really slow developing and erotic things today, various groupings and so on, that would have been just spectacular. This was - this was just, just violent. Frankly, on the most basic level, I don't know if the shoot will sell at all, leaving everything else aside. This sort of - of almost forced sex - it's not what you boys are about, not what you've been positioned for. It goes against the brand, if you will. It'll thrill some S/M types, but the broader audience that I wanted to get for the site - and not just men, even, you have no idea how many women get off on the clips of you two, I have a list of girls who want to do bi scenes with you both - it just won't work. I don't think, anyway . . . "
"I know I have a responsibility towards the both of you, on a lot of levels. And I know that's an odd thing for me to say, but it's true - that's how I feel. And it's not just because of your - your age. You're a couple, a real couple, and you express that so well together. That's why your clips have worked. You can't act out that sort of affection, that connection that you two have. I would not have put you into the - the situation, you faced today, if I'd been in control of the shoot. It would have been very different. Kinder, more like our other session." He paused. "It could have been just dynamite."
Jesse sighed. He thinks he's being fucking moral, he thought to himself. My God.
"You know you're free to stop, any time you want," Ernie said. "I can't force you, obviously. And we're past the point where I have any real power to hold anything over you in terms of exposure. Though there's certainly a difference between being outed as gay and being exposed as adult film actors." There was no threat in his voice, but Jesse felt a chill nonetheless. "That's all past now. Already done. If you want to make some more money, I'd be happy to shoot you - just you two - anytime. Your call. Frankly, I think Denny will be less interested in promoting you if this shoot tanks, especially with Kevin and Julian telling him you're not cut out for it."
Mike was staring at the sand. "Can we just go home, please?" His voice was that of a very little boy.
"Of course. I'm almost packed."
They stood together and walked back toward Ernie's van. Jesse took Mike's hand briefly. Mike didn't pull away, but he didn't return Jesse's squeeze either.
They rode back up to town in silence, and parted silently, pocketing without comment the latest bank statements Ernie handed to them. Jesse felt empty, the ache in his ass comparatively trivial, even though it made it impossible for him to sit as he rode his bike to San Gabriel. He got a quesadilla at Pedro's and sat, alone, in the westering sunlight, hardly conscious that the metal table was burning his forearms.
Erick bounded onto the bench opposite him, fist extended, grinning. "Dude, where you been? Where's Mike?"
Jesse didn't meet his eyes. "Home, I guess."
Erick's smile slowly faded. "Jes, you OK? Wassup? Is everything cool - " he leaned in closer " - you know, with Mike and all?"
Jesse folded the quesadilla wrapper shut. "I guess. Dunno. We were, um, we were hanging today -"
"Where? I didn't see you guys at Rivvy."
Jesse waved vaguely. "South of there. San O, south . . ."
Erick's hand was warm on his left arm. "Jesse, what happened, dude?"
Jesse shook his head slightly. How do I, can I, tell him 'what happened'? "I - it's just been a bad day, OK? Just- it'll be OK, don' worry. I just -" he sighed "- I just need to like crash, a little." He stood up quickly. "You want my quesadilla?"
Erick remained seated, looking at him very quietly. "Just ordered a fish taco, thanks. Jes?"
"Ya?"
"You an' Mike, you guys are - important, OK? To me, and all. I just - don't shut me out, dude. You know like everything, about me. Let me help, OK?"
Jesse looked down. Erick's very blue eyes were pleading, deep, growing moist in spite of his efforts at self control. Jesse turned a slow half revolution of the heel of his right foot, tossing the quesadilla in the trash as he did so. "You really wanna know?"
"Erick's gaze never wavered. "Ya."
Jesse locked the door to his room as soon as they were inside. "I need to shower," he said as he booted up his laptop. He logged on to Voyeur, stripped off his boardshorts, and stepped in to the bathroom. "We can talk after - if you're still here."
He took a long time showering. He felt himself carefully, certain that he had to be bleeding somewhere inside from what he'd been through. He gargled repeatedly, trying to remove the imagined taste of Julian's semen from his mouth. Eventually he gave up and just leaned his face into the tiled wall.
The glass door slid open. "Dude."
Jesse didn't look up. "Ya."
There was a slight rustle as Erick, fully clothed, climbed into the shower and hugged Jesse from behind. His left arm barred across Jesse's chest, his right hand ran over Jesse's hair. Jesse started crying, very quietly, as Erick rested his cheek against Jesse's shoulder blade. "It's OK, dude - it really is."
Jesse set his left fist against the wall by his face and pressed his cheek into it. " 'S not OK, " he breathed. " 'S all fucked up."
Erick put both hands on the sides of Jesse's head, soothingly. "Well, ya, it is, kinda," he said, lifting Jesse's head carefully and kissing the back of his neck. "But it's OK, too. C'mon," he quietly urged, pulling Jesse away from the wall. "Get you outta here."
Jesse reached back with his right arm for Erick's shoulder. "You're all wet."
Erick chuckled. "Ya, well, it's just a T and some boardshorts. I'll steal some o' yours."
Jesse dried himself quickly, and found a naked Erick, bent over, browsing through the chest of drawers in his room. "Dude, your T's suck. I gotta get you some good ones. I get all I want now." He found an old Rocky's short and pulled it on, leaving himself nude from the waist down. The laptop was on screen saver. Jesse sat heavily on his bed and flicked at the mouse pad. The lead page for Ron Gantry and Jamie Holder popped into view - a montage of their smiling faces, of them kissing, of Ron Gantry gasping while Jamie penetrated him from behind, of Jamie licking at Ron's erection . . . . Jesse glanced at Erick, who was standing very still.
"Pretty fucked up, huh?"
Erick took a deep breath. "Is it, like, OK for me to ask how you guys got into this?"
Jesse shrugged. "Long story."
Erick shrugged back and sat on the bed, unconsciously adjusting his crotch for self protection as he did so. "I got time."
It was indeed a long story, and Jesse was surprised how calm he was able to stay through most of it. Only when he got to that day's events, to Kevin and Julian and how he and Mike had been used, did he start choking up. "And - and Mike's like disgusted now, and with me, and so am I. I'm - I'm just fucking sick. Doing this shit, and all. Sick. And I'm like scared that Mike hates me cuz he hates doing it so much, and he's gonna dump me - shit, I deserve to be dumped - and, and I don't know - I can't imagine - " He started sobbing openly now. "Aw Christ Erick, he's like my whole fuckin' world!! I can't - I'll like die . . . I've lost - I can't lose anything else . . ."
Erick pulled him into his lap and pressed Jesse's face into his shoulder. Jesse sobbed into the T shirt for several minutes as Erick petted him. Both were quietly conscious that Jesse was still nude, as was Erick aside from the T shirt; they both ignored their inevitable tumescence.
Jesse finally straightened up a bit, wiping his face. "Sorry,' he muttered, not willing to meet Erick's eyes.
"Dude, it is so OK, come on," Erick whispered. "I - I can't believe that you told me. That you trusted me, like, after all my shit. That - that means a lot, OK? To me, and all." Jesse shrugged, unable to think of a response. Erick ran his hands over Jesse's back and side, raising goose bumps and heightening Jesse's sudden and embarrassing arousal. He slid away from Erick, covering himself with the bedsheet. Erick laughed. "Too late, dude, I already saw it."
"Fuck you." Jesse was simultaneously embarrassed, angry, and amused.
"Naw," Erick answered, and Jesse glancing back saw him adjust himself again, noticed how hard he was. "I mean I'd like to, but you're like taken."
Jesse had to laugh, "God, have I ever been fuckin' taken."
"Seriously, are you OK? It sounds like it was kinda rough today - you're not hurt or anything, right?"
Jesse waved a hand vaguely. "Not bleeding or anything, so I guess I'll live. It was safe, at least - they used a condom and shit."
Erick nodded. "Jes, if you need money, I got tons now. I can help."
"I don' want to be a charity case, Erick."
"I know that, but shit, you're my bud. I can help."
Jesse shook his head. "I got money. I got - " he reached down for his boardshorts and pulled out the statement - "I got $24,769.57, to take care of stuff. And it keeps rolling in, as long as the site gets paying hits." He screwed up his face in disgust. "Pretty cool, huh?"
It was Erick's turn to shrug. "You can think of it like that, I guess. 'Bout the same way I look at my stuff - it's all coming through Taylor, and I got him 'cuz I gave my ass up to him."
"Has he hit on you again yet?"
"Not in so many words," Erick answered with a wry smile. "But he will. The way he like touches me sometimes - I can tell what he wants. But especially with my dad so involved in the money side of stuff, Taylor's gotta be careful." Erick looked away, down at the far corner of the rug. "Maybe he thinks he already like owns me, so he can take his time - I dunno." He took a breath. "But not now, OK? This is about you now. We - you - gotta talk to Mike."
Jesse gulped. How would Mike react to Jesse having let someone else - even Erick, perhaps especially Erick - know about them? "Dude, I dunno . . ."
Jesse's cell rang. He stiffened, certain it was Mike. He reached for it uncertainly, glanced at the display, and sagged a little with relief. "Hey Kate, sup."
"Hey yourself cutie!" she answered, not realizing that she was entirely too bubbly for the occasion. "Where you been?"
"Um, around - y'know." He had no desire to talk to her right then.
Kate hesitated. "OK," she said, now being more careful. "So, everything OK with you? What're you up to?"
"Hangin'. Um, Erick's here. Just, y'know, shooting shit and stuff."
Erick held his hand out. Jesse was out of conversation, so he turned the cell over to him. "Hey Kate, how you doing? It's Erick."
Jesse could hear Kate's voice, though not the words themselves. He was surprised by how friendly Kate seemed toward Erick. The two conducted a short and apparently inconsequential conversation - Jesse didn't really listen; they could have been trading nuclear secrets for all he knew - before Erick handed the phone back to Jesse.
"So Erick wants the four of us to hang tomorrow - you up for that?"
Jesse was taken aback. "Huh? Four?"
"You, me, him, and Mike. Weren't you listening?"
"Um, no, sorry - I was - I'm kinda spaced right now. Sorry."
"It's OK," Kate said, though by her tone Jesse could tell that she wasn't at all sure about that. "I said we could meet at Ricardo's for lunch and go from there. Sound good?"
"Ya, sure."
"K. I'll call Mike, get him set up."
"Kate, I can - "
"It's OK, I'll do it. Relax." She paused. "It's OK, Jesse. It'll be OK."
Jesse looked at Erick, who was watching the conversation intently. "OK. Thanks. I - I guess I'll see you tomorrow then."
Kate's voice was back to bright and cheery. "OK, cool. Later."
Jesse flipped the phone closed. "Erick, what'd you say to her?"
"Relax, nothing. You heard it."
"Well, actually no. I kind of tuned out there."
Erick nodded with a smile. "Just that we needed to get together, that you needed some TLC." He smiled more broadly. "And you do - and I bet Mike does too."
"Ya, well - dude, I do NOT want Kate finding out about this shit, OK?"
"Not from me, relax." Erick stood, stretching, and touched the pad on Jesse's laptop. The images of Ron Gantry and Jamie Holder reappeared. "How'd you get the names, anyway? They're really doofey. 'Gantry' - I mean shit . . . "
Jesse started to laugh in spite of himself. "They - they just sort of gave them to us. Ernie did. It's not like we went to the baby book or something."
Erick nodded, sitting down and booting up one of the streams of the first formal shoot, in the house in Oceanside. The small mole on Jesse's hip was prominent in the picture as Mike - well, Jamie - sucked his cock in extreme closeup.
Jesse's mother called from downstairs. "I'm here, Mom. Erick and me are - we're hanging out." He gestured for Erick to close the laptop; Erick ignored him.
"Tell her I wanna stay for dinner. We need some time, OK?"
Time for what? Jesse thought, as he relayed the question down. His mother sounded thrilled.
Closing his bedroom door again, Jesse saw Erick watching the loop, idly stroking himself. "That's really not helping me right now, dude."
Erick looked up, unashamed. "I know. But you guys are hot. You've been like my fantasy for a long time dude, both of you, and this is - "
"Yeah, well I'm a fantasy for lots of people now, I guess." He held up the bank statement as proof, and told Erick briefly about his encounter in Laguna.
Erick rolled back in the chair with laughter. "Dude that is soooo funny!! All those fags in Laguna - of course they'll be like up on the latest porn!"
"Thanks a lot, Erick, that helps too." Jesse was getting pissed off. "Guess what? You're a fag, too."
Erick shrugged. "I know. Well, I'm not a total fag. You probably aren't either. I mean who is, right? We're kids, we get boned for each other. Fact of life. I mean, look," he added, sitting forward and suddenly serious, "I been trying to deal with this shit for a year now. What happened to me, what I felt. What I feel. So maybe I did it in a fucked up way for a long time, but I think maybe I'm a little ahead of you on this, OK? And - and I'm OK with it, now. With, y'know, liking guys too. Maybe more, maybe less, I dunno. So if somebody wants to call me a fag, or a queer, or whatever - fuck 'em. They're right. Who cares? It's all just words, right?"
"The words they use right before they beat the snot outta you."
Erick shrugged again. "Dude, we go to SCHS, there's like 3000- something kids there. You can get the snot beat outta you for having the wrong T shirt on, for walking down the wrong corridor. Interrupt the Mexican kids playing handball, you're toast. You know that. It's, y'know, it's part of the landscape. I mean you and Mike aren't gonna try to hide yourselves at school - how you feel and all?"
It was the second time the question had arisen that day. Jesse remembered Julian's mocking inquiry. "I - I dunno, that's - I mean Mike's got a say in that, too, so . . ."
"Dude, you suck at lying," Erick said, and his smile was small, warm, and knowing. "And you don't realize how you are with him. How he is with you. It's not that you're being queeny or anything," he added as Jesse started to object. "It's just - dude, you guys are so much in love it like shines off both of you." His smile became wistful. "It's really cool, actually, to see that."
Jesse's eyes started to water again. "Maybe not after today, so much," he said. "I dunno if Mike can get past this today."
"Can you? You're as freaked as I think he probably is."
"I'm freaked because of his reaction - the way he like withdrew and all."
"So call him. Un-withdraw him. You gotta talk to him, dude. I didn't talk to anybody for a long time, and look how I was turning out. If either of you shuts down like that you'll both be fucked." He held Jesse's cell out to him. "Seriously."
Jesse wiped his eyes and took the phone. Mike answered almost immediately. "Jes?"
"Hey, I was - "
"Jes, I'm soooo sorry, I really bailed on you there. I've been too scared to call you - that you'd be pissed at me for how I acted." He was speaking rapidly, Jesse couldn't get a word in. "I - I just really freaked over those - those assholes, and what they did, to us and all. And I know none of that is your fault or anything, and I don't like blame you or anything and I - I love you so much and I don't want this sort of shit to get us sideways or anything and - " Jesse could hear him take a long shuddering breath - "Jes, I'm glad you called me, man."
Jesse could barely hold his voice steady. "Me too. I - I had to call, I couldn't leave it like that. I - " he looked over. "Erick, he thought I needed to call you."
Mike's voice was sharp. "Erick's there?"
"Ya."
"Did you tell him?"
Jesse gulped. "Ya. Y'know, um - the basics."
The next few seconds were silent agony for him.
"Good," Mike finally said with finality. Jesse sagged. "I don't know if I, we, could've kept this up much longer by ourselves." Jesse caught his breath during the next pause. "So what's he think?"
Jesse glanced over and shook his head. "Well, right now he's jerking off watching us on my laptop."
"Hot shit, dude!!" Erick called out, waving his erection in Jesse's direction as he did so. He was smiling, and his face was slightly flushed from his arousal. Jesse, despite himself, mentally compared Erick to Julian. Erick, he decided, was bigger. And definitely cuter. "Definitely major hawt!!!"
"What a fuckin' pervert," Mike breathed into the phone, and they both began to laugh. "So, I mean, what's he think, like, about the situation and all?"
Jesse stopped laughing. "We, um, we haven't like gotten really into that much. It's kind of been just telling the story up to now."
"Show and tell."
"Well, ya, Sort of." Jesse swallowed. "Is that OK?"
Mike snorted. "Shit, Jes, it's on the fuckin' Web, how many hundred thousand hits have we gotten? What am I gonna get upset about? At least he likes it, right?" he asked sardonically.
Erick was nearing what looked likely to be a fairly ferocious climax. "Ya, I think he likes it."
"Fuckin' A, dude," Erick hissed, his head lolling back.
"My mom and dad are up in Santa Barbara to visit my grand dad, they won't be back till late. Can I come over?"
Jesse's heart leaped. "Sure, Erick's already staying for dinner, I'll get my mom to throw another coupla burgers on or whatever."
Mike was suddenly in a teasing mood. "Erick's already staying, huh? You dumping me now for the surf god?"
The surf god chose that moment to erupt in a loud, obscenity laden orgasm that spewed across the entire front of the Rocky's T he'd put on. Jesse watched, aroused yet clinically interested as well. He noted the facial expression, the cording of the leg and abdominal muscles, the breathing pattern. Definitely bigger than Julian. "Na," he said when Erick finally subsided, "he shoots too quick."
"Fuck you," Erick gasped. Mike's laughter was clear through the phone.
Jesse's mother seemed fine with Mike coming over for dinner - Jesse suspected that having Erick there as well lessened her concern over possible "improper" activities occurring. She called Ben and asked him to pick Mike up on his way home. Jesse and Erick (in clean boardshorts and T's, of course) took Poche out onto the back lawn and played with him as the sun sank toward the faint outline of Catalina on the horizon. The air was still and warm, the late sun prickly on their skin, and Poche was possessed of boundless energy. They eventually settled into the hot tub, sipping sodas and throwing a tennis ball for Poche. She retrieved it happily, but was leery of too closely approaching the humming apparatus they were sitting in. It took some coaxing from Jesse (and several handfuls of soda for her to lick) to overcome her trepidation.
"I thought retrievers liked water, dude," Erick said as he lay back against the side. His recent activity had clearly taken something out of him. His nipples were very dark, and erect.
"She's still a baby, give her a break." Poche promptly tripped over her own feet while returning with the ball, emphasizing that point. "We gotta take her down to the beach somewhere. Maybe Trestles or San O - not in town where the lifeguards get all pissy about dogs on the beach. I bet she'd love the beach."
"There's the young man!" Uncle Booth was striding out from the kitchen door, smiling, a Miller in his hand, his thigh muscles nearly overtaxing the fabric of his shorts. "Where've you been today, I came by a couple of times looking for you?"
Jesse was glad to see him, but embarrassed by the question. Oh, nowhere, I was just down at the beach on your base filming some gay porn - how was your day? "Just - just hanging out, I guess - sorry I missed you. This - this is my friend Erick," he added quickly, hoping to change the subject.
Uncle Booth squatted down and shook Erick's hand, Erick's eyes widening a little at the strength of Uncle Booth's grip. Jesse laughed to himself - he'd seen this happen to too many people when they shook with Uncle Booth. He remembered Uncle Booth and his father challenging each other to handshake contests, squeezing each other so tightly they nearly broke bones, both determined to keep stoic or casual expressions and not give in, until by silent agreement both broke their grips and leaned into each other with relieved laughter. The memory was warm, but painful.
"Glad to meet you, Erick. I think I remember you surfing with Jesse a few years ago down here."
"Erick's sponsored now, Uncle Booth. He's going pro."
"That's spectacular!" Uncle Booth said, his grin widening as his grip tightened even further. Erick wanted to say something to thank Uncle Booth for his interest, but seemed unable to form words.
"C'mon, Uncle Booth, you're like killing him!" Jesse splashed some water at him, and he released Erick, whose relief was evident.
"A good Marine always knows how to shake a man's hand properly, Erick. Part of the training." He grinned at Erick. "Now, I've trained Jesse some on that, too, but I think he's maybe a bit out of practice, so -" he extended his hand to Jesse.
"I hate this," Jesse said, laughing anticipatorily as he took Uncle Booth's hand. He returned the grip as best he could for several seconds before his fingers started to crush. "OK, OK, I give."
"You're getting better," Uncle Booth said, then abruptly he straightened up and with a single yank pulled Jesse out of the hot tub and onto the coping next to him. "You'll have a grip as good as Walt's before long!" He looked Jesse over affectionately for a second, tousled his wet hair, and stepped away, picking up the ball for Poche.
"Who's that?" Erick asked quietly as Jesse climbed back into the hot tub. "He's built like a brick shithouse."
"My dad's best friend, from the Corps," Jesse said, smiling and shaking his hand out to get the circulation going again. "They served together for like fifteen years or something. Desert Storm, Lejeune, Parris Island, out here - all over."
"Weren't you born at Lejeune?"
"Ya, while my dad was in Kuwait. After the war was over, of course. He was just stationed there. He didn't like even see me till I was almost six months old."
Erick nodded. "So is he like a big mucky-muck now?"
Jesse nodded. "A colonel. He got promoted a little while after my dad retired. He's, um, he's just back from Iraq, actually."
Erick nodded, appreciatively. "Bad shit that."
"Ya. Seriously."
Uncle Booth had resumed training Poche, and the poor animal was utterly cowed, even though Booth never raised his voice or his hand. She complied quickly and with total submissiveness, rising in joy when Uncle Booth would compliment her on her manners - which of course led her to leap on him, a display of bad manners he didn't seem to mind a bit. "She's a smart one, Jesse. Let's you and me take her on a long walk tomorrow morning, OK?"
"Sure." Erick glanced at him quizzically; he shrugged. "Maybe late afternoon, though. I, um - I have to meet some people at lunch and all."
Uncle Booth smiled. "That'll be fine."
Ben and Mike arrived soon after. Mike got a pair of boardshorts from Jesse's room and joined the other boys in the tub. Jesse carefully watched while Uncle Booth greeted Mike, but saw nothing out of the ordinary. The boys settled in together, talking with forced casualness, as Ben and Uncle Booth began fussing over the coals. "Dude, why don't you guys get a gas grill?" Erick asked.
"My dad hated 'em. No flavor, he said. Really, though, I think he just liked setting things on fire. No gas, and no matchlight shit - he said he'd smelled enough burning gas in his life already." Smoke was billowing from the metal chimney they used to light the coals instead of fluid. Jesse watched the volume die as the newspaper in the base, that served as kindling, burned out. "They'll be able to cook in like 45."
The boys sat quiet for several minutes. The adults had gone back inside. "So," Erick finally said. "Weird day, huh?"
Mike turned beet red. "Ya. Very. Um, I - Erick, you gotta be cool about this, OK? I mean - "
"Relax. Why would I say anything? Geez Mike, I'm not that big an asshole."
Jesse had to relieve at least his own nervousness, however slightly. "Well, . . . "
For that, he earned a faceful of water from Erick. "Seriously, dudes, it's OK. Like I said to Jes, I - I'm like proud, that you'd trust me, tell me. Of anyone, that you'd tell me. After the shit I pulled and all."
"You had your fuckups to go through. I guess this is ours." Mike looked at Jesse for agreement.
A breeze began from the ocean, blowing up the arroyo and on their bare chests. The water that was beaded on them, glinting on the last of the sunlight, suddenly was cold. They shivered, stood, wrapped towels around themselves, and headed in.
Dinner was a deceptively enjoyable time, with Jesse's mother beaming over Uncle Booth's presence and the crew of boys. After it was done, the three boys slipped up to Jesse's room, where they talked long into the night - about themselves, what they'd done, and what they might do. They came up with few answers or solutions, but found solace in each other's company, in the secrets they could at last share.
At about midnight, Erick turned away from Jesse's laptop, having yet again combed through the Voyeur site, examining all the clips of Ron Gantry and Jamie Holder in excruciating detail, along with those of Kevin and Julian. "Well, you can just stop, right? I mean it won't take this shit down, but you can stop. And they'll find new guys and all, and their stuff'll go in place of yours, and it'll just sort of wither away. Won't it?"
Jesse took a long pull on a Sobe. "I guess. But it'll still be there - it'll like always be there, won't it? It might be like down the list or a bit harder to find, but it never goes away."
Mike was yawning. "What matters most is helping you out, though, Jes. You and your family. We can't erase this stuff, so if we're outed we're outed."
"You guys are 15 - if you're outed like this you're in deep shit. Kiddy porn and all."
Poche was scratching at Jesse's door; Jesse crossed to let her in. She leaped onto the bed, licking at Mike's face, interrupting them for several minutes until she calmed down a bit.
Erick broke the silence again. "I gotta ask: Do - do you guys actually like this stuff? I mean, you seem to keep coming up with reasons not to stop or anything . . ."
Jesse looked hard at Mike, who was staring at his feet. Did they? Was the rush of being watched, filmed, ogled over, desired, regarded as 'sex stars,'that seductive? He remembered his encounter with 'fans' - how he'd been at once mortified and secretly thrilled. He opened his mouth, but couldn't say anything.
"It - it's really weird, Erick," Mike answered. He was still staring at his feet. "I mean, it's embarrassing, and - y'know, gross. But there's this sort of rush to it, too."
Erick nodded. "I felt like that when Taylor hit on me. That I was like special - different. Some sort of, I dunno, sex god or something.: He looked at Mike. "You're not, though. I mean you're like hella cute, Mike, but you're a kid. We all are."
Mike nodded in his turn.
Jesse stirred. "That doesn't matter though. What we feel or anything. They still have the dirty pictures. I mean maybe we never should have agreed to it, maybe they never would have posted anything if we'd told Ernie to fuck off and die. I - I've wondered, about that . . . But, too late now. It's out there. The only way out - really out - is not just to stop but to get it taken down."
"How do we do that?" Mike said. "And what about paying off stuff for your mom and all?"
Jesse shrugged. "I've paid a lot now," he noted, "and I got like 23 grand to pay off more with if I need to. I - we can make it, now, I think. I hope. We can try, at least"
"You can have my money too Jes, you know that."
"Mike, you deserve to keep it, for putting up with this."
"Bullshit, we're in this together - we have been from the start."
"Maybe," Erick said quietly, "what we need is some bait."
The boys looked at him blankly.