Scott and Jeff

The Adventures of Scott and Jeff Chapter 7

"As long as we're in agreement about this." Ben reconfirmed.

"Oh, definitely. I don't plan on saying anything to Dave."

"Good." He ducked low so that only his head was out of the water and floated his way over to me. He asked quizzically, "So you and Scott... what's the story there? Wait, wait. Lemme guess, he's not your type?" He rose out of the water slightly and puffed out his chest. "You like the more athletic type?"

I splashed him, "No dude, Scott isn't like that!"

"I know, that's what I'm saying, his chest is kinda lacking."

"No, I mean he's not gay." I paused for a moment, "And there's nothing wrong with his chest!"

Ben grinned at me a little funny, not quite knowing how to proceed. "Uh, okay... and all those looks he gives you? All only friendship?"

"Of course!"

He sighed, "'Cuz I would've bet money that he'd made a move -- all timid and cute -- and you broke his heart and turned him down. The only thing I don't understand is how you stayed such good friends after that."

"Not even! You don't even know Scott, how can you possibly say something like that?"

"I've said this before... people are fairly easy to read. You can just look at people and know their whole story, what they're all about. Everyone publishes it, with the way they talk, walk, act..."

"So you're saying you can spot gay people."

"Yes, but you don't get it. It's not just about sexuality. You can see everything... if you know how to look. Why do you think I'm so popular? It's because I know the things people need to hear, the way they want to be treated. You can see their entire past, what they feel about themselves, all of their likes and dislikes..." He floated his way over, placing his lips right next to my ear. I felt his lightly whispered words tickle my entire body. "You like to be touched very softly." He flitted his fingertips up my chest sending me into a mild convulsion. I fought my instinct to wriggle away.

I like this type of torture.

When my back hit the side of the pool, I realized that I'd been unconsciously drifting backwards. Ben had matched my movements precisely. He placed one hand on the wall beside me and the other in the center of my chest. He leaned in even closer and I made a mock effort to hold him back. His hand slipped slowly down my chest and lost contact once under the water, he whispered, "You like it slow... romantic. You'd rather kiss someone you really like, even if only for a second -- as long as it meant something, than all the meaningless sex you could ever find." I gasped and bit my lip. His lips gently grazed the ridge of my ear as he sucked in all available air and held it. I jumped as his knee found mine. He released quiet noises of muffled ecstasy as he slowly slid his knee up along my inner thigh. I felt shockwaves throughout my body as his leg found its home nestled under my sack. He arched his body slightly, scrunched his face and whimpered silently. It was only then that I realized where his hand had been. He collapsed onto me, his face tucked in the crook of my neck. He sighed "Thank you" and quickly kissed my cheek and pulled back, turning away from me. He swam to the other side of the pool, facing the wall.

My mouth dropped, "Did you just..."

His response was quick and authoritative, "No, I did not."

I burst out laughing and then -- upon realizing he didn't share in my amusement -- attempted to stop. "Oh my God, Ben."

"Just shut up, ok?" He paced for a minute or two as I did a fairly good job of stifling myself. Then he pulled himself out of the pool and walked into the house, without ever making eye contact. He reappeared at the door with a towel wrapped around his waist, and raised another towel for me to see before he tossed it onto some patio furniture. As soon as the door clicked shut, I busted up all over again. What the hell was going on? My erection had diminished and I heaved myself out and sat on the edge. I leaned over, peering through the rippling water to see if he'd left any evidence. None that I could find. I grabbed the towel and walked through the door. He was already fully dressed and silently glaring at the MTV video countdown. Back Street Boys, number one again. I put my clothes back on, without Ben making a comment or a curious glance. As I buttoned my shirt, he stood, clicked off the TV and pulled his keys from his pocket. "I'm going to take you home now."

As he approached me on his way to the garage I chuckled and said, "I may like it slow and romantic, but you like it fast and wet." Before I could pronounce the 't' of 'wet' he'd slammed me to the wall, choking me with his forearm and dangling me off the ground by an inch or two.

"Shutthefuckup!"

I gagged, "Joke!" and raised my hands in submission. As he released, my finger tip accidentally brushed his chest and I was again forced against the wall. "Sorry! Accident! I didn't mean it!"

He growled and showed his teeth like an overly protective guard dog. But what was he guarding? "You're a fuckin' whore! You tricked me!" He had his fist cocked and ready to shove down my throat, he must've seen the panic in my eyes because he just paused and dropped me to the floor.

I tried to rub the pain out of my neck. He turned and walked toward the door to the garage. Once I got back my ability to speak, I vocalized my disgust. "Shit, Ben! What the hell's wrong with you?"

He immediately spun around, holding up a finger of warning. No words were necessary...

He drove quickly and dropped me by the curb of my house and squealed away without saying a word. I mumbled about what a jerk he was. But at least he was nice enough to take me home... as if that somehow made his behavior acceptable.

I walked inside and had an eerie feeling that something wasn't right. I walked up to my room where I saw something I never expected to see. All of my drawers were open with clothes strewn about the room. My first thought was that we'd been burglarized, but then I saw all of my gay magazines and the video that Scott had given me and the catalogs that I'd been getting in my PO box all placed very neatly in the center of my bed.

Oh... SHIT!

My body started tingling and my consciousness felt as though it was trying to escape the room without me. I gasped for air and I couldn't control my mouth. "Shit, shit, shit, holy shit... oh God... oh God... please say this isn't happening. Please God... Wake me up now! Wake me up! Oh no, oh shit..." I turned as I heard the squeak of my bedroom door. My mother was standing there with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Oh Jeff..."

"Mom, how could you! You went through my stuff? How could you do this to me!?!"

She became upset, "What does all this mean, Jeff? Tell me what this means!"

"Just what you think it means."

"I don't believe you, I can't. Tell me you're joking, Jeff. Please tell me you're joking!"

"Mom....I'm not joking." My throat tried to close up on me as I gasped for air between sobs.

"What did we do wrong, Jeff? Did I baby you too much? Is that it? Was your father not around enough? I always told him to toss a football with you but he was always so busy..."

"Oh God mom... you don't really think that's what caused this, do you?"

"It's just a phase, you'll pass through it. I know you will."

My voice was shaky and I couldn't hold my tears any longer. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry mom. I didn't want to disappoint you and dad... really I didn't."

"But why, Jeff? Why? What was it? Were you ever molested?"

"What? No! Why would you ask that?" I looked around my room, "I still can't believe you went through my stuff! You had no right!"

"I didn't plan on it, Jeff. The VCR in the TV room is busted, I was just going to set yours to tape a soap." She paused to blow her nose.

"General Hospital?"

"No, >sniff< Days of Our Lives... and I pushed play to see what you had in there..."

The frat boy masturbation video. "Oh dear..."

"Yeah..."

I asked a question I really didn't want the answer to, "What did dad say?"

"Oh," She laughed between her sobs, "I'm not planning on telling him... not now... he has far too much to worry about, the investigation isn't going so well... he's looking guilty."

"What??" I shook my head, trying to find the place where those words made sense. "He's guilty?"

By her reaction, she realized that she shouldn't have said that. "Well, that's the way it looks."

"Oh my God!"

"Well..." she wiped her eyes, "come here." She held her arms open and I found comfort in her embrace. I remembered back to when I was a child and fell off my bike and slashed up my knee on the gravelly parking lot pavement. All of my pain could be taken away when my mother hugged me.

I sobbed into her shoulder, "So you don't hate me?"

"Oh Jeff, no... no... you're my little baby." She started bawling and clutched me tighter. "Don't worry, we'll get you into counseling. We'll get through this..."

I pulled away enough to be able to see her face, "Excuse me?"

"We'll find you the best psychiatrist. We'll get you back to your normal old self again..."

"Mom... I don't think you understand."

She pulled me tightly against her, "Shh, shh..." Or maybe she was only trying to protect her ears from the truth. "You know, we got quite a few calls about the basement room. I even had some of them stop over today. I was planning on going with this guy Jarred, who's actually quite cute... but then I went to go set up your VCR... I've decided to go with a girl named Angee. She seems really nice, down to earth. Very friendly. I think you'll like her."

"Are you trying to fix me up?"

Her tears had stopped, "A girlfriend couldn't hurt you any..." She laughed a little.

"Mom! I haven't even met her!"

"Well she moves in tomorrow. I called her after I'd stopped crying." She glanced at my bed, "The trash bags are in the garage. Throw that stuff out and take it to the dumpster over at Food-4-Less. I'm just going to trust you to take care of it." She motioned to the piles on my bed and left the room. I thought I felt angry, betrayed... but when I paused for a moment, and I felt a tremendous weight lifted off me.

My mom now knew everything about me... and she still loved me.

Tears of joy filled my eyes and I fell to my knees and thanked God for giving me such a wonderful and loving mother. That I still had a roof over my head. For creating such a thing as unconditional love. I had a sudden flash to what Dave had said, to pray to know that God loved me. It was upon remembering that conversation that I realized that I wasn't even questioning if God existed anymore... I just knew He did. But doubt about Dave's suggestion filled my head... what if I pray and God tells me 'No, I don't love you.' That's what all the major religions preach, and that's not something I wanted to hear right now.

A small voice in my head said these words very clearly. "But God is Love."

I cried out, "God, please... please let me know if you love me. Let me feel your love."

What happened next cannot be explained in words. I was overwhelmed with such a powerful sensation, tingling started in my head and permeated all throughout my entire body. It was the most wonderful, completely peaceful feeling. It felt that God himself was standing there, crying with me, hugging me, telling me things will get better.

I cried until my eyes were dry.

I said out loud "God loves me." The feeling intensified even more, it felt so good and made me so happy that I actually started to laugh. "God loves me!" I began to feel silly for having to ask... I now had such a firm knowledge that He loved me. It was hard to understand how I ever thought any differently.

I smiled broadly as I went down to the garage and got a trash bag and placed all the 'evidence' into it. I drove over to Food-4-Less and tossed it into the dumpster. As I was driving toward the exit, I noticed Dave's empty Mercedes sport utility. I pulled into a spot and I noticed Dave with a single bag walking to his car. I instantly remembered all the harshness of our last meeting and gritted my teeth with anxiety over how to handle the situation. When I stepped out of my car, he slowed his pace, probably also wondering what I was going to do and if I was going to fight with him or not.

"Hi, Dave."

"Hey, Jeff. What's going on?"

I chuckled, "Oh, not much. Just the usual. Your brother beat me up, my mom found out I'm gay and I find God."

His eyes practically popped out of his head. "Wow... how'd your mom react?"

"She wants to put me into therapy. But otherwise, she was surprisingly calm."

"That's good. I'm glad things are ok. I'm glad you found God. But before we get into that, why did my brother beat you up? I'll kick his ass."

"Oh, it's a long story..."

"That's ok. I've got time. Nothing I bought will melt or go bad." He opened the back of his car and packed his groceries in. He looked at me curiously, "So, what happened? He just hit you for no reason?"

"Well, no..." Oh dear, I should've left Ben out of this. "He just got angry... because of something he did."

"This 'something' involved you obviously... Ben doesn't misplace his aggression to people who aren't involved. What part did you play?"

"I don't know that I really played much of a part at all..."

"Jeff, you're not being honest with me." He sighed, reluctant to continue, "You see, Ben's different from most people... he has a unique talent, a more developed sixth sense. But, he hasn't quite learned to control it completely."

"What do you mean? That's he's psychic?"

"Well, no... but you're not far off. He can just sense things, I don't know really how to explain it. You know how you can feel that someone is watching you. Take that ability up a couple notches. It's not like he hears your thoughts, but he can feel what you're feeling and sometimes he has a problem sorting out his own feelings and emotions. He used to hate crowds as a kid, but he's been able to focus more. That's why he's such a good football player. He can anticipate the moves so perfectly. Oh, and that boy HATES hospitals, you can imagine why. My parents just thought he had been conditioned by bad experiences he'd had or something. They still don't fully understand the gift he has. But, until he learns better control, he can be easily influenced by strong emotions of people around him."

"Wow... he didn't tell me all of that."

"He doesn't tell anyone; it's a weakness. It'd be like someone coming up to you and saying, 'If you push this button, I'll do whatever you want.' You'd want to try it, wouldn't you? People would take advantage of him and he's not stupid, he knows that." He looked down at the ground. "I'm pretty sure I know what happened with you and him. You've told me before you thought he was good-looking." He paused, wanting some type of response but I kept quiet. "Could you just say it, just so I know what happened? I'm beginning to think the worst."

"We went skinny dipping at your parents' house. We touched each other... but that's basically all."

"What else?"

"Uh, he jerked off under the water... I didn't even know he was doing it. Then he freaked out and threw me against a wall and called me a whore." I laughed, trying to bring some humor to such a serious conversation.

"Oh! I see. Well... Interesting."

Ugh... He had obviously backed down from his threat against Ben in light of the new information I'd shared.

"You know, Jeff. I'm just not so sure about our relationship. We get along all right... well, we GOT along for a day or so... I'm just not sure that you're ready for the same level of commitment that I am."

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"I think so. Jeff, it's not that I don't like you. It's just that you're 18, I'm 24. It's not that much of a difference, I know... but we're both in different stages of our lives, and I'm not sure that we are looking for the same things right now. You need someone your age, someone like Scott. You're just starting into the lifestyle, but I'm ready to find someone to spend some time with."

"I think I am, too."

"Well, you're not looking for me then. Just the fact that you would betray our relationship... so soon... and with my brother! God!" He shook his head, "Jeff, you know I'm right. Deep down, you know."

"Maybe I do. I don't know."

"Live your life. Call me if you ever need someone to talk to."

"Why are you doing this, Dave?"

He answered in a calm voice, "Jeff, you did this. I'm the one who's being hurt more. But I'm not going to lie to myself or to you by saying it'll work out. Breaking up is what's best, for both of us." His eyes welled with tears and he swallowed his pain. "I'll see you later. I've gotta go, I lied, I have ice cream melting in there."

He stepped into his car and drove away. I had a strange feeling that I would never see him again. My tear ducts had enough of a break that they were able to gloss my eyes over. I just sat in my car and waited until I could see before I drove again. No matter what happened in life, he would always be the first guy to ever dump me. My first attempt at a relationship with a guy had ended because I wasn't as committed as I should have been. My eyes eventually cleared and I drove over to Scott's house, I really wasn't in the mood to deal with either of my parents right now. I went around and knocked on the back door which led to his basement. He opened the door, smiled and then ushered me in with concern when he saw the puffiness of my eyes.

"Oh Jeff, what's wrong?"

"Everything, and I mean that. There is nothing that's right at this moment."

"I'm here. That's good, isn't it?"

I smiled and hugged him, "Yes, of course. That's the only good thing right now."

He held on tightly, rubbing my back. He pushed the door closed and sighed, "What's wrong, bud?"

"My dad's guilt of money laundering, my mom found all my porn, and Dave just broke up with me because Ben tried to beat me up." I started crying again. "But my mom loves me. And God loves me."

"And I love you." After a brief pause, he looked very interested and said "So, what's this about you and Dave breaking up?"

"He says I'm not mature enough for a relationship with him."

"Dude, that makes no sense."

"My mom was just about to have some hot guy move in but now she's decided on some girl she thinks I'm going to fall in love with or something. She wants to 'cure' me."

"Well come here," he led me over to the couch and sat at one end. He had me lie down, with my head on a pillow in his lap. "Shit, it sounds like you had quite the day. But I'm here for you. Things will work out. You aren't being thrown out, your boyfriend made a decision that would've eventually been necessary to make." He stroked my hair and smiled down at me.

I looked up into his warm, caring eyes. "Scott, you're the greatest friend. You know that?"

He just grinned bashfully and looked away. "Thanks. You're not too shabby yourself." With one hand, he continued stroking my hair, he put the other on my chest and I quickly clutched it with both hands.

That reminds me... "Scott, the other day when you spent the night... did you undress me after I fell asleep?"

He stopped caressing my hair and pulled his hand out of my grip. "Yeah, I-I wasn't going to let you sleep fully clothed..." He almost sounded apologetic.

"Ok, just wondering."

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