It is hard to be someone's rock when you're falling over the edge with them. Pat expected me to takeover and be the strong one and I just wanted to hold him and never let him go because I could feel how much he needed me.
I held him and rubbed his back while he cried on my shoulder. As his sobbing began to subside, his arms pulled me even closer. He was holding me so tightly that I was uncomfortable but I didn't want to say anything.
I felt him turn his head and wipe his face on my shirt. "I'm sorry," he said as he pulled away.
"There's nothing to be sorry about."
"There's a lot to be sorry about," he whispered. He looked at the floor and I knew he was thinking about John and Drew.
"They'll be back." I told him.
I sat down on the edge of Nick's bed and Pat surprised me when he sat down in my lap. He wasn't my girlfriend, he was my boyfriend and him sitting in my lap made me feel weird like we shouldn't be seen that way in public. I panicked a little but when I saw the smiles on my mother's face and Nick's, everything seemed okay. I had never been so intimate with Pat in front of my mother. I was nervous as I slipped my arms around his waist and clasped my hands. His head was still facing down so I moved one of my hands and ran my fingers through his soft black hair and tickled his neck until he squirmed and started giggling. Then I moved my assault from his neck to his stomach and I used both hands. The sound of his laughter soothed my heart. He finally stood up, removing himself from my clutches.
"Fine, I'll sit somewhere else," he said with a smile on his face.
"No, I just couldn't resist. I'm sorry." I patted my knee. "Sit down. I promise I won't tickle you."
He suddenly was shy as he looked around the room. Nick nodded his head towards me and my mother smiled at him. Nick's mother looked speechless. Pat inched towards me. Instead of sitting with his back to me, he sat sideways, put his arm around me and kicked his feet up on Nick's bed. I felt extremely gay, but he looked so happy that I couldn't bear to ruin it for him. My thoughts ate away at me. I was gay so I didn't understand why I had a problem with appearing that way in front of a room full of people who already knew I was. Pat rested the side of his face on my shoulder and when I turned to look at him and found our faces so close, I stared in his light hazel eyes trying to convince myself not to kiss him.
"Don't do it!" Nick shouted.
The moment flew away and vanished in to the air. I looked at Nick. "I wasn't going to do anything."
"You were going to kiss him."
"I was not!"
"Yes you were," Pat said.
"I was not!" I looked at him and he was beaming. I didn't understand how he could be so happy so soon. "Are you okay?" I asked him.
"I'm with you." His eyes seemed dreamy when he said it and that unnerved me.
"Yeah, but are you okay?"
"How could I not be?"
I could tell he wasn't okay. He wasn't acting like himself. He never would have sat in my lap in front of my mother. It wasn't him.
"Mom."
"Yes, Honey."
"Will you let Pat stay again tonight? I don't want him to be alone."
"I'll have to ask your father."
"Please Mom. You know Dad will say no." I knew she couldn't deny me.
"Okay, but just for tonight."
Before I could speak, Pat said, "Thank you." I thought he was talking to my mother until I noticed he was still looking at me.
"You talking to me or her?" I asked.
"Both, but mostly you. Thank you for caring."
"You're welcome."
"Do you think we can stop by my house to get some clothes for tomorrow?" he asked me.
"Mom?"
"Okay, but don't play around. Go there, get the clothes and go home."
"Okay."
I was positive something was wrong with Pat and I wanted to know exactly what he was feeling. I was about to ask him again if he was alright, when Jeremy walked in the room.
"What are you doing here?" my mother asked him. "Haven't you caused enough trouble?"
"It wasn't his fault," I told her.
"I'm sorry ma'am. I just stopped by to check on Nick."
"Well he's fine. Thank you for your concern. Goodbye."
"Mom, don't be rude." I chastised her.
"Fine, I'm going to get a cup of coffee. Are you coming Beth?"
"Sure," Nick's mother responded.
The two women stood up and gathered their belongings. My mother walked by Jeremy with her nose in the air and I was embarrassed by her behavior.
"I'm sorry man," I said once she left.
"It's okay. I understand where she's coming from. I did get you in trouble yesterday."
"Again, it wasn't your fault."
Pat kissed my cheek and I gave him a quizzical look, to which he responded with a smile. I became aware that he was sitting in my lap and Jeremy was watching us.
"What's the matter Jeremy? Never seen two guys in love before?" Nick asked.
Jeremy closed his mouth and looked away from us then apologized, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stare."
"It's okay. So how is your friend?" I asked.
"Who?"
"The person you came to visit?"
"Oh him. He's good."
"Well that's good to hear."
"Yeah, um, sure it is. So how do you feel Nick?"
"Good, besides these two shaking the bed every two seconds. I'm going home tomorrow."
"So I hear."
"And where did you hear that?"
"Kyle. I saw him outside earlier when he was having a fit worrying about his boyfriend but it looks like he found him."
"Yeah I did," I laughed.
"Take me home," Pat whispered in my ear.
I thought I was hearing things. "Huh?"
"Take me home," he repeated in the same low voice.
I wasn't sure how to play it off with the guys because I needed to excuse us without them wondering if Pat was having a breakdown. I yawned and put my hand over my mouth in exaggerated fashion. "Oh I'm so tired."
"Go home and get some rest. I'll be at my house by the time you get home from hockey practice tomorrow and I expect nothing short of the best care," Nick said.
"You're going to practice tomorrow?" Jeremy asked, dumbfounded.
"Yes, and we're going to school."
"So soon? I thought you were expelled."
"Let's just say I know people who know people who apparently know some not so nice things about Principal Harvey."
"That guy is a jerk."
"He may be a jerk, but I think he's finally on our side. I just hope he's still on it tomorrow."
"Why wouldn't he be?"
"After the week I've had, I know for a fact that a lot can change in one day."
"Oh."
"Stand up Pat," I told him as I gently pushed him off of me. He stood up and held my hand. I stood up next to him. "I'm sorry that I have to leave, Jeremy." I faked another yawn.
"It's cool dude, do what you need to do. I'll catch you later."
Jeremy turned to walk out of the room and Nick shouted, "Hey!" Jeremy turned back around. "You can't leave! I have to have someone keeping me company until the end of visiting hours and thankfully my mother is gone for a few minutes. If Kyle and Pat are going to sneak off to do it, I think the least you can do is stay here until my mother gets back."
"Nick, we're not going to do it," I protested. "I am going to take a nap."
"Yeah, in the nude with your boyfriend. I see what's going on here, don't think just because I'm straight that I can't pick up the vibes between you two."
"Whatever. We'll see you tomorrow."
"Call me tonight and let me know how your first time was, you big virgin." Nick teased. Jeremy blushed and I knew he was uncomfortable.
"See, you're making Jeremy uncomfortable," I chided Nick.
"Is that true Jeremy?" Nick questioned.
"No," he said but it was obvious he was lying.
"Come on Pat, let's get out of here."
"Yeah, go get in someone else's bed," Nick shouted with a smile.
I gave him a one finger salute. "Bye Nick." I walked in front of Pat, still holding his hand.
Pat gave me his keys a few steps before the car and said, "You can drive."
I took off in the direction of his home. Halfway to his house, I felt his hand inching up my thigh. "What are you doing?" I asked.
"Making the ride a little more exciting." He sounded pretty sensuous but I tried to ignore it.
The drive to his house was quick because I didn't want to break my parents' rules especially when my mother was being kind enough to let Pat stay another night. We were in Pat's bedroom before I realized that Nick was right about what Pat had in mind.
Pat pulled me in to a kiss and led me to the bed by my tongue. I fell on top of him and he responded by sucking my tongue harder. It was a long time before we came up for air and when we finally did, he said, "Take off your clothes."
"We have to get back to my place."
"I want you to fuck me first."
"What?"
"I need to feel you inside me."
I had always imagined my first time would be something romantic and perfectly planned out. I never dreamt it would be an afternoon tryst. I found his eyes and gazed in them as I searched his mind for the reason behind his impromptu request, but I couldn't find anything. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
"Yes. I need to do this." I didn't really want to do it right then, but I would have tried to walk on water for Pat, and my body was delivering a different message than my brain so it was easy to give in to his request. I stood up and grabbed my shirt. Pat said, "Let me do that for you."
He undressed me slowly and seductively. His fingers grazed over my bare flesh and teased my senses with pleasure and anticipation. When he was done undressing me, I undressed him. I pushed all doubts about the timing to the back of my mind and focused on my actions. Once Pat was naked, he got on his bed and looked up at me teasingly. "You sure about this?" I asked one more time, secretly hoping he would back out of the whole thing and I could leave the room with my virginity still in tact.
"There are some condoms in the top drawer if you want them, but I would prefer to feel every inch of you."
"You don't want to use protection?" I asked in shock. I always assumed that I would be good and use protection until my partner and I had both been tested, but the moment stripped away my common sense along with my false list of values.
"I don't need protection from you." Pat told me. I lowered myself on top of him and resumed our passionate kiss. I felt his hand grab my hand and bring my hand up to our mouths. He broke our kiss and sucked on two of my fingers. "Put them in me," he ordered. I took my time and inserted one finger gently in to him. "You don't have to be so gentle," he said. I was less tender when I shoved the second finger in him. He yelped and then smiled with pleasure. I lost control of myself and forgot that I didn't want to go all the way. I kissed his bottom lip and then his chin as I worked my way to his left nipple. The nipple was a beautiful contrast to his white skin. I kissed it briefly and then worked my way down his body. In my mind, I was going to rim him like I had seen on my computer, but the closer I got to his butt, the more terrified I became about the action. I grabbed his hard dick and sucked it for a few minutes before letting it go and angel kissing my way back up his body, all the while pumping in an out of him with my two fingers. "Put it in me, please," he begged.
"Okay." I was about to take a momentous step forward in my sexual life, one for which there was no retraction only a before and after. "Don't we need some lube?" I asked.
"No, whatever you made is good enough. I want it to hurt a little."
"Why?" I asked him, not able to comprehend why he would want to tarnish such a wonderful experience with more pain then necessary.
"Because love always hurts, so why not this, too." I rolled off of him and pulled my fingers out. "What are you doing?" he shrieked.
"You're not ready to do this yet. I mean I know you've done it before, but you don't really want to do it right now. I don't want to hurt you. Ever. Not intentionally at least. I won't do it."
His hand found my still hard dick and played with it, "But you know you want to." I moved his hand away. "You're hurting me more by not doing it. Don't you want me?"
"Of course I want you."
"So come on! Please? I want to be as close to you as humanly possible."
"No, not like this." I stood up and started putting on my clothes. I heard him crying. "I'm sorry," I told him once I was dressed, but he kept crying. I got next to him on the bed and held him while he cried some more and once he was done I told him to get dressed so we could go back to my place. He dressed slowly and my heart ached as I thought maybe I shouldn't have rejected him, but everything inside me said it wasn't the right time. I helped him throw a few items in a duffel bag and we left. He didn't talk to me for the whole ride to my house. Everyone was home by the time we got there. We all had dinner together with Pat serving more as a decoration for his chair than an actual person. His mind seemed a million miles away.
That night, he went to bed early. I wanted to run to his side and hold him, but I was afraid of upsetting him. My mother assumed Pat was trying to cope with losing two of his good friends so she didn't ask too many questions. I waited until late to go to bed because I wanted to be sure Pat would be asleep. I tiptoed in my room, locked my bedroom door, stripped to my boxers and crawled in bed behind Pat. I put my arm around him and pulled him against my chest in to the proper spooning position.
"I was wondering when you were going to come up," he whispered.
"I thought you were sleep." I said, thinking out loud.
"Did you want me to be sleep? Is that why you waited so late?"
"No, of course not, but why are you still awake?"
"I couldn't sleep. I missed you holding me. The bed is so cold without you."
"Well I'm here now," I told him. I kissed his neck and something in me snapped. I'm not sure if it was because we almost had sex earlier in the day or because I was really horny, or because I knew it would make Pat feel better, but I slipped my hand in to his underwear, and massaged his dick.
"Mmm," he moaned. I could feel his entire body warming up.
I moved my hand and whispered, "Turn around." He did as I told him and soon his bare chest was pressed up against my bare chest and our tongues were foraging for hidden treasures in each other's mouths. I broke the kiss. "I love you."
"I love you, too," he said.
I kissed him again and washed away whatever rift had been between us for the past few hours. I pulled back. "Let's put the blanket on the floor. My bed will be too noisy."
We moved quickly and silently as we got out of bed and made a pallet on the floor. Pat took his underwear off and threw them next to the pallet before he laid down on it. I did the same. We rolled on our sides, facing each other and just stared for a couple of minutes. I can't explain why only a few hours later felt like the right time, but it did. It felt almost perfect.
"What do you want to do?" Pat asked.
"Make love to you the way you should be made love to."
"And how's that?"
"With all of the love in my heart and all the lust in my soul."
"That horny, huh?" He laughed and I laughed with him.
"Sssh, we don't want to make too much noise."
"You've been thinking about this ever since this afternoon, haven't you?"
"Oh God yes!" I admitted. The truth was that I wanted him to be asleep because I knew I would make love to him if he wasn't. His naked body laying on his bed being offered to me was an image that replayed a million times in my mind as I tried to be the strong one for both of us all evening. It had taken every ounce of my being to resist him and I knew I didn't have it in me to do it twice in one day.
Pat pushed me on my back and got on top of me. He kissed me for a few seconds and then said, "How about we use a little extra natural lube this time?" He flashed a devious smile as he slowly slid his body down mine. I moaned involuntarily and his smile grew wider. Soon his mouth was at my erection. I was extremely hard and leaking profusely from the images I was conjuring in my mind. He deep-throated me and I had to stuff part of the blanket in my mouth to keep from screaming out in excitement. He turned his body in to the 69 position and I assumed he wanted me to get him ready. I wanted to taste him down there, but I was still afraid that I would hate it so I decided to save that experience for later. Instead I soaked three of my fingers in my own saliva and worked them in to him one by one.
"Are you ready?" I asked him a few minutes later.
He gave my dick an extra hard lick before letting it drop from his mouth. His response to me was to pull off of my fingers and lay down next to me. I got up on my knees and positioned myself between his legs. I think there was no question for either of us that we needed to see each other's face while we were doing it. I pushed his legs further apart and he lifted them and put them on my shoulder. I can't remember ever wanting anything as badly as I wanted him in those few moments as my dick inched closer and closer to his hole. Gone was any thought of a condom. I was far too enthralled to stop for anything.
I took my time pushing inside him until I couldn't take any more and I had to push it all in. There are no words capable of describing the combination of warmth and tightness and pleasure that comes from having your dick inside someone. I wanted to make him feel good, but at the same time, my dick was beginning to do all the thinking for me and my body started running on autopilot. Soon I knew I was going to cum and I felt it building inside me and begging me to let it out. I kissed Pat long and deep a few seconds before I came, but I was forced to stop kissing him when my body started convulsing and I filled him with all of the juices inside of me. I fell on top of him, panting and pleading with my vision to return to normal and praying that the room would stop spinning.
I rolled off of him, exhausted, but realizing that he still needed to cum. I grabbed his dick and was surprised to find that he was softening. "You didn't enjoy it, did you?" I asked, finally allowing enough room in my mind for the feeling of insecurity about my first performance.
He laughed lightly. "Didn't enjoy it? Ha, ha, oh, you're funny. I think you hammered out every last drop of cum I had in me. I don't know if I'll be able to cum again for days."
"You don't have to lie to me. I know I wasn't that good."
"Look at me and you for that matter. That liquid sure isn't sweat."
I looked at my chest and stomach and his and laughed at how much he had cum. I didn't even feel him cumming. "You need a shower," I told him.
"It's too late for that, but I'd settle for a tongue bath."
"Only if I get one, too."
"Fair enough."
We spent the next half an hour kissing and licking each other clean. Neither of us felt like moving off the floor, so I grabbed the sheet off my bed and pulled it down on top of us then we cuddled and fell asleep, naked on top of the blanket.
My first time was nothing like the romantic idea I created in my head, but it turned out to be more wonderful than I ever could have expected. I knew part of the excitement was from knowing we were doing something forbidden in my parents' house and they could wake up and knock on the door at any moment, but I also knew that most of the excitement was from being with Pat. I loved everything about him and now we were bonded forever because he would always be the first guy I ever made love to and nothing could change that or take it away.
c Lustyville 2007 Please send comments to lustyville@yahoo.com and check out my other stories at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/lustyville