Pat sat down next to me. "So I guess we need to talk."
"Guess so." I didn't know what to say to him. I felt like crying, but I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. I know we didn't make a commitment or anything, but I thought we were on the same page. John spent the whole night telling me I should blame Drew, but Drew wasn't the only person I saw in that bed. Pat was just as guilty.
"I want to tell you what happened."
"Okay."
"We came back last night and we had some drinks. I was wondering where you were and Drew kept making jokes about you sleeping with John to make him feel better. I kept calling you and Drew kept calling John, but neither of you answered the phones. I was getting drunk and sad and bitter. I started thinking Drew might be on to something. I tried to drown my thoughts with alcohol, but my head was flooded with images of you and John together. I couldn't deal with it. I went to my room to have some privacy and Drew came to make sure I was okay. I called you again but you still didn't answer. I can't remember if I left a message or not. Drew and I were on my bed staring at the ceiling when Drew grabbed my hand. We held hands for a few minutes and then we turned to look at each other. I don't know what he saw, but I saw you when I looked at him. We started kissing and then"
"That's enough. I don't need to hear the rest."
"I want you to know everything."
"I don't want to hear it! Just shut up!" I tried to blink away the water in my eyes and hold the tears in, but one escaped.
"I'm sorry."
"Sorry is just a five letter word." I heard him sobbing next to me, but I refused to look at him.
"I, I, I." He went silent.
I stared at the ground in front of us and followed the path of an ant carrying a crumb of something. The ant was so small and so strong and focused. I watched the ant walk towards a crack in the pavement and I wondered if that was its home. The ant went down the crack and disappeared, but I was still thinking about it as I heard a loud crash from inside the house. Pat and I both jumped up and ran in the house to see what was wrong.
The shouting slapped us in the face as soon as we opened the door. I knew it must have been going on for a few minutes, but Pat and I were both too wrapped up in our own thoughts to notice.
"You're an asshole Drew! You're a fucking asshole!" John's voice yelled.
"Do it then! Hit me with it!"
Pat and I ran upstairs to his bedroom. We ran in his room and found Drew on the ground covered in blood and John standing over him with a chair. John was about to swing the chair and hit Drew, but I ran and grabbed the chair from him. I sat the chair down and took a few seconds to properly access the room. The room was a mess, it looked like a tornado had blown through and an earthquake had followed. John looked awful too. His lips were bloody and there was blood dripping down his chin. One of his eyes was swollen. It looked like the two of them had really gone after each other. I brought my attention back to the situation. "What the hell is going on in here? You two are supposed to be best friends?"
"He started it!" shouted Drew. "He came in here talking shit so I let him have it!"
"Who's on the ground, Bitch?" John asked.
"It would be you if you hadn't hit me with that damn light!" Drew told him.
John kicked him in his stomach and I had to shove John away. "Sit down!" I told him. He sat on the bed and I turned and helped Drew stand up. I felt a sick feeling in my stomach as my hand made contact with his. I had a flash of that hand touching Pat and I almost let go and let him fall back on the ground, but I couldn't do it. I helped him up and put him in the chair that almost hit him. "Now, let's take a few minutes and relax before anyone says anything."
I glanced at Pat and noticed the look of shock in his face. He backed up to the wall and slid down to the floor. I knew we all needed some time to calm down so I walked over to his computer desk and leaned against it.
"I knew he would do this," said John. We all looked at him. He sounded surprisingly calm compared to the rage we had seen a few minutes ago.
"Shut up, John!" Drew barked at him.
"No, the damage is already done. They might as well know the truth."
Drew jumped up and walked over to John. "Don't do this!" he almost sounded like he was begging him. I stood up and walked between them. I saw the tears trying to hide in Drew's eyes, but I knew they were seconds away from being exposed.
"I want to hear what he has to say."
Drew stepped back and looked around me so he could make eye contact with John. "Please don't do this."
"You already did it." John told him.
I knew Drew could probably take me, but he knew he was defeated already. I watched the tears fall from his eyes as he walked backward to the chair and sat down. "You were supposed to be my best friend," he said.
"Yeah, well you were supposed to let him go and then you pull some mess like this."
"Just tell us what's going on, John. I don't have the patience for the two of you to go back and forth with this bullshit." We looked at Pat and he was sitting there staring back at us as if he hadn't just said something.
I went back to my position against the desk so I could look at John. John stared at Pat for a few seconds before he opened his mouth. "Drew is in love with you. He's been in love with you since you kissed him, but he's too scared and too confused to admit it. Why do you think he's constantly touching you?" Pat looked at the floor. "I won't say he planned last night, but I will say that I'm not surprised. He's been trying to get you drunk for a while now so he could get you in bed. The funny part is that I thought you wouldn't do anything because you liked Kyle, but I guess I was wrong. Kyle is a great guy and then you do this shit to him." John looked at Drew. "The two of you should be ashamed of yourselves."
Apparently Pat didn't pay attention to the end of the speech because he turned to Drew and said, "So you are gay?"
"No, yes, I don't know. I like girls. I have a girlfriend. You just make me curious, that's all."
"Stop lying Drew!" John looked back at Pat. "He's obsessed with you. You're all I hear about when we're alone. He used to bitch me out if I touched you because he thought I was hitting on you, but most of the time I just touched you to mess with his head. He's got it bad for you, and that's the truth. I don't know if that makes him gay or bi sexual or what, but he is definitely not straight." He looked at Drew when he said the last line.
"Fuck you!" Drew told him. "I'm not gay!" He looked at me. He wasn't crying anymore. He looked angry. "Give me my keys!" I didn't even have time to think. I reached in my pocket to take out the keys and then I threw them at him. He caught them and turned to walk out the room. Pat jumped up and blocked the doorway.
"You're not leaving until we settle this." Drew tried to push him aside, but Pat stood his ground. Pat pushed Drew back in to the room and closed the bedroom door. "None of us are leaving until we talk about this shit." He gave all of us a look that told us he meant it.
Drew walked back and sat in the chair again. "What do you want me to say?" Drew asked him.
"I just want the truth. Yesterday, we were just friends and I was in love with Kyle, and now I don't know what we are or how I feel. I wanted you for so long, but I never thought it was possible. You were as straight as they come, and we were good friends. I wouldn't trade our friendship for anything, or risk it for some stupid crush. I kept how I felt a secret so that you wouldn't feel uncomfortable. Now that I have finally let go of any illusions of you loving me back, you do this and all of my old feelings and thoughts come back, and I don't know what to do. So tell me how you feel. Honestly. I deserve that much."
I wanted to throw up as I heard him confess his feelings for Drew. I could have probably forgiven him if it was just sex, but it was more than that, there were some feelings involved. I didn't want to be privy to this conversation, but it was too late. I was trapped in the room.
"I always thought you were kind of cute. I was tempted to take advantage of you that night when you got drunk and told everyone you were gay. I took off all of our clothes because I wanted to feel your body next to mine. I almost came when you kissed me. I know it wasn't a real kiss, but it was the best kiss I have ever had. It left me wanting more and dreaming about one day making contact with those lips again. You have no idea how much I think about you. I close my eyes and I see your face. I go to sleep and you're always there, waiting for me. I put my arm around you and it feels like that's the only place I have to be. Like nothing could be more perfect. I look at Laurie and I wish that she was you. I live to see your smile or look in your eyes and I go to Heaven every time we make contact, no matter how simple. Everything is better when I hear your voice. I don't know what it is. I don't know how I feel about you. I just know that I don't feel this way about anyone else, and that's the truth."
"Sounds like love to me," I said without thinking. Now was my turn to be the center of attention. They all looked at me and I stood there, speechless. I walked to the bed and sat down next to John. I looked at Pat and his eyes were still planted on me. "So I guess this is it."
"I don't know," he said.
I chuckled a little. "See you two have lots in common already. Neither one of you knows anything besides the fact that you love each other even though you won't admit it. Both of you have made it painstakingly obvious with your confessions of `feelings' which sound a hell of a lot like love to me." Neither of them said anything or looked at me. "You can both go to hell." I told them as I stood up. I wanted to leave, but I couldn't will my feet to move. The tension in the room was so thick that you could feel it seeping in to your body and at that moment, the tension was weighing me down like a ton of concrete.
"I love you Kyle." Pat finally managed to say. "I was thinking about you when I was with Drew last night. It's you, not him."
"Were you thinking about me because you wanted me, or were you thinking about me because you thought Drew was thinking about someone else?"
He appeared to be at a loss of words as his eyes looked at me. He got this look in his eyes that reminded me of a `Eureka' moment and he quickly looked away. I guess I hit a nerve or something.
John stood up next to me and placed his arm around me. "Let's not try to sort everything out right now. There's plenty of time to figure out what's going on. Nothing's decided."
I knew he was trying to make me feel better, but the look that crossed though Pat's eyes told me that he was putting it all together. He wanted me because I wanted him and I was available and he wanted to be loved. He knew in his heart that he wanted Drew more, and his eyes couldn't deny it. I thought it was sort of funny because I always assumed that Pat had a crush on John because of the way Pat looked at him sometimes, and I thought John was the one who secretly loved Pat. I guess I was fooled.
I sat back down as the pain of losing Pat hit my heart at full force. We hadn't even made it official and already it was over. Yesterday we were happy, today we were through. I couldn't say anything and they were all quiet as well. I think everyone was piecing things together in their own minds. John sat down on the bed again a few minutes later.
He put his arm around me. "I wish there was something I could do," he whispered.
"There's nothing anyone can do. It wasn't meant to be." I told him.
"It's not over yet," said Pat.
His comments caught my attention so I looked over at him. "Yes it is." I turned to Drew, "So what about Laurie?" He didn't say anything. We all sat there as the silence returned to the room.
c Lustyville 2006 Please send comments to lustyville@yahoo.com and check out my yahoo group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/lustyville.