"Pain, tell me what you think pain is? Does it hurt worse to have a bruise so visible that people stare, or does it hurt worse to have a piece of your heart ripped out by your father as he hits you? I am lucky I have two great earthly parents and many more heavenly guardians watching out for me, but some people are not this fortunate." --Scrypt
School of Love: Kyle & Andy
I grew up in a school that came from all around. It was a small school and it was the only High School in the city. If that tells you anything about the city, then you will know how small of a city it is. I know most of the people that I went to school with, and I had known them since we were born. Same daycare, same Elementary, same middle school, and the same High School. None of us were any closer for it; a few of us had found good friends with in the groups that we tend to hang out with. I was one of the lucky ones that had found my friends. My name is Andy.
I was probably small for my age but it never bothered me that much, I was smart and could usually out smart any problems I had. There was only one person outside of my parents that could scare me, and his name was Kyle. I had short brown hair, kept cut clean and I wore nice clothes. I was skinny and a slight tan, cute by most girls' standards. I was 14 a young freshman in high school. Puberty had been very kind to me; I was already through what I knew to be most of it, and I didn't get affected with acne or any of that other teenage stuff. My father was the Sherriff of the city so I knew most everyone and was well liked. I wasn't popular in school but no one (besides Kyle) picked on me, so I was happy.
We had a school bus but most people lived close enough to either walk or are driven so we did. Walking to school was one of the times that I had to always be on my guard and make sure I bit my tongue. Walking to school involved going from my house to the school and by the bridge. This bridge was what I didn't like. It was where for 3 years now a boy name Kyle decided he would wait for me and then slap me around until I gave him my lunch money. The one time I made the mistake of telling my dad was the day he punched me in the chest, right where no one would see unless I lifted my shirt.
He was taller than me by a few inches now, and stronger. He had dirty blonde hair that he kept shaggy and un-neat. His clothes always looked to be second hand and he never seemed to have any friends, of course he took pride in that fact by making sure everyone around him feared him. His eyes were crystal blue, and even through the pain he was inflicting there was a sadness in his eyes.
I didn't have time to explore the sadness as his hand came up fast and grabbed the front of my shirt. I threw my hands up in front of my face instinctively as he drew back a fist. He was able to lift me off the ground which always scared me because it left me completely vulnerable.
"Hand it over, dweeb." He said maliciously.
"Here!" I scraped around in my pocket for my lunch money and thrust it up in the air. He snatched it from my hands and dropped me.
"And don't forget that tomorrow is Friday, that means I'll be expecting desert money too." He laughed and aimed a well placed kick to my stomach which didn't hurt but knocked all the breath out of me. I stood up as he was walking away and brushed myself off, taking shallow breathes all the while. I wished that I was strong enough to stand up to him.
I went the entire day thinking of what I could do to get even with him; I actually wanted to hurt him. I failed to actually pay attention in classes I just spent my time writing things down, just ideas and other things that I felt the need to write down.
That night as I lay in my bed I picked up my Bible and closed my eyes. I was religious, but I didn't hold the Bible standards most Christians did. I prayed.
"Lord, please help me see what the best way to deal with Kyle is. I need your help and your guidance." I whispered the prayer and then slowly opened the book to a random page and read the first thing my eyes fell on.
Romans 12: 9-10 "Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves." What did this have to do with us? I was getting pretty adept at being able to apply the words to my situation but this completely blew away my perspective. Was God telling me to forgive him and befriend him? I would give it a try; my anger gave way to my curiosity, what was the sadness in his eyes?
The next day I got ready for school quickly and cheerfully. I walked all the way to the bridge and smiled when I saw him.
"How are you today Kyle?" I smiled at him.
"You crazy?" He said confusedly.
"No just showing you that there is another way then fighting, here ya go Kyle." I handed him my lunch money and smiled at him. I was trying my hardest to be extremely nice in hopes that he wouldn't hit me.
"Thanks twerp." I smiled at him and went to walk by him almost with a spring in my step, but apparently not enough spring, seeing as I couldn't bounce over his foot as he stuck it out and I fell flat on my face. "See you Monday, dweeb."
I hit the ground with my fist and got up brushing myself off. I would have to take a more direct approach and I was not planning on waiting until Monday to have him hit me again, we were going to settle this.
School went by in a blur and I was walking out the front doors after the final bell before I knew it. I saw him leave a crowd by pushing his way through and I started to follow. He ducked through a few alleys in the town and ended up in a wooded area. He walked down a small grass trail through the woods and into a clearing where a rundown trailer sat. It was strange that I hadn't known where he lived. My father was Sherriff and I had been all over the town.
A man, he looked like Kyle only older and uglier, came rushing out of the door. He was wearing a mechanics jumpsuit and looked greasy already.
"You got any money boy?!" He yelled at him as he walked toward him.
"No dad I don't." Kyle almost whimpered out. The man raised a hand and swung it hard at Kyle, hitting him square in the back of the head. Kyle fell down and I could see him holding his head in pain. The man jumped into his truck and sped down a gravel drive away from me. Every ounce of anger I had for him fled from me as fear and sadness for the boy enveloped me. I did probably the most stupid thing I could have chosen to do at the moment. I made myself known.
"Are you ok?" I asked as I rushed forward and put a hand on his shoulder. He shrugged it off and jumped up, wiping his eyes with his sleeve.
"What are you doing here?" He yelled and raised a fist to hit me.
"Go ahead hit me." I said stupidly and I stood my ground staring into his painfully sad blue eyes.
"Nah, it's not worth my time." He dropped his hand and looked at me. "What are you still doing here?" He looked angry and embarrassed.
"Are you ok?" I asked sympathetically.
"Don't act like you care or even know. What do you know? Your father cares; you think my father ever cared to give me lunch money every day?" He flushed again.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know." He raised his fist to hit me again. I flinched but I stayed where I was.
"You got some guts Andy." He chuckled.
"Want to go inside and play some games?" I asked him randomly, it was the first thing that came to mind.
"Do what?" He stammered as confusion flooded over his face. "I don't have any..." his face flushed and he looked down at the ground.
"How about we go to my house and we can play mine, maybe order a pizza too. What do ya say?" He looked up and gave me a look like he was trying to figure out something. He nodded and smiled.
"That might be fun..." We turned and slowly walked back towards my house. It was strange walking with someone that had tripped me earlier that day. He had tormented me for almost three years into my life and here we were almost walking together like we were friends. There wasn't much conversation going on between the two of us. We were insight of my house he asked me a question.
"So, do you have both of your parents?" He looked over to me.
"Sort of, My Dad and I live here and my mom lives in New York or something. They are divorced, and she's not very influential in my life. You?" I didn't mean to say it but it was habit to return the question when asked something like that. This could lead to a very awkward conversation if he chose to answer it.
"Nah..." He shook his head looking at the ground. "...my mom died when I was real young, things were good till then..." he trailed off there and I knew that this was a good moment to either let him talk or change the subject.
"What do you like to do...I mean besides beat me up." I joked hesitantly but my words felt right.
"Yea...about that...I guess I'm sorry..." He began to say.
"Don't worry about it...I tend to think that things can only get better if they are bad." I said almost merrily.
"...yea...right...but what do I like to do? I've never been asked that...seriously...honestly, don't laugh but, I love to write." My head did flips, because Kyle and writing had never been two images I ever thought to see together, and it made me realize that I had been just as unfair to him, judging, as he had been to me physically.
"Really?! Me too!" His head jerked up as he stared at me in the eyes.
"Really, you don't think it's weird or...gay?" I almost laughed, this was something I had thought about before, `why would a boy want to write, instead of playing sports or something' but it never bothered me like that.
"No sir, its art, just as much as music or painting, and guys do that. And if you're good at it than that's all that matters. What do you like to write?" We had made it to my house by now. Walking in the front door, I noticed that he was looking around slightly amazed.
"Well...I like to write...poems." His face flushed, it confused me why he was embarrassed.
"Wow! That's so cool, I just write stories. I would love to hear some of your work sometime." I smiled at him.
"You mean you want to hang out more than just today?" He said slowly.
"Of course, I mean if you want to, you're welcome here when ever. Why would I just hang out with you once and then go back to letting you pick on me?" I chuckled but he still looked a little sad.
"I thought that you were just doing this out of pity." He looked at me.
"Honestly, I think that you're pretty interesting to be so mean sometimes." I was being really blunt which I think is what he needed right now, he didn't need someone to be coy and beat around the bush. I was reassuring the fact that I knew what was going on and was ok with him being him.
"You're pretty cool to be such a dweeb sometimes." He laughed. This was the Kyle that I was trying to pull out; I wanted him to be confident in himself and able to be nice doing it.
We started playing video games and messing around with other stuff that I had for entertainment, when my dad knocked on my door and came in. I introduced him and he smiled, walking back down stairs to order pizza for dinner. He had invited Kyle for dinner, who accepted graciously. The pizza was good, and Kyle ate a nice share, which made me happy. He was smiling a lot now, which was a change from the sadness that usually covered his face, but something was nagging at me. The sadness was still in my eyes.
"So Kyle, would you like a ride home? It's getting pretty late, or would you like to spend the night?" My dad smiled at him.
"No I don't think I can sir. I should go home." He looked up at him with his crystal blue eyes. We all walked over to the door and my dad put his jacket on. Kyle held his hand out to me and I shook it with a smile. My dad went to get his keys from the kitchen and I took the moment we had alone, so I didn't embarrass him.
"Remember what I said Kyle, you're welcome to come here whenever you need or want to." I said with a smile.
"Thanks Andy, you're a good person..." He said slowly.
"I think you're a good person too, I hope we can be friends." I said seriously.
"I've never had one of those; I think it might just be possible." He grinned. My dad came back and they left. I went to my room and got ready for bed. My dad came back and poked his head in the door and said good night. I had the hardest time getting to sleep that night; I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I couldn't place. It was a tingling feeling and I had the hardest time letting myself fall asleep, because for the first time I felt that reality was a lot more exciting than my dreams.
Saturday morning found me slightly well rested, once I had fallen asleep I slept well, and my dreams were fun. I woke up and wandered down stairs for breakfast.
"Hey did everything go ok taking Kyle home last night?" I asked my dad as he cooked the sausage.
"For the most part, he asked me to drop him off away from his house. Why didn't you tell me he was Jeff's kid?" He peered at me.
"Who is Jeff?" I asked seriously, that name had no specific meaning to me.
"He works down at the auto shop, and he is known for his ill temper. Does he treat Kyle ok?" Dad was extremely intuitive; it came with the Sheriff territory.
"Honestly, I'm not sure; we haven't exactly been friends for a long time." I said. What I said was true too, but I wasn't planning to tell him the entire thing. There was a knock at the door. "I'll get it." My dad nodded as I got up to go to the door.
I placed my hand on the door knob and turned it. The door came open...
"Hel..." A tear-filled Kyle fell through the door and into my arms. "Kyle what's wrong, what happened?" I led him over to the steps and sat him down, the closest seat. He was leaning on my shoulder now, and he was shaking. He continued to cry and shake. He couldn't talk because he was gasping for air.
"Kyle, calm down, breathe." He took a deep breath and settled down to just leaning on my shoulder.
"Take him up to your room let him lie down." My dad had come into the room unnoticed and understood the problem, more so then I did at the time.
"Come on, Kyle." I wrapped my arms around his waist and rose with him, getting him up the stairs was easy, now the he had stopped hyperventilating. I pushed the door to my room open and led him over to my bed. We sat down on it and I lowered him down to my pillow. His hand found mine and I clasped it tightly.
"He hit me..." He said quietly. This was what I was afraid of, Kyle was one of the toughest guys I knew (or so I thought) and I knew that if he was upset like this something was seriously wrong.
"Where..." There were no visible marks on his face, so I knew this had happened before. It was the same thing Kyle had gotten good at doing to me, hitting me to make sure no mark showed up.
He raised his shirt a bit and I saw several old bruises, but as his shirt came up I saw a striped bruise that look dark enough to be fresh. It was from a belt, I could tell from its length and width. It made me sick to see such an atrocious thing done to him.
"What happened, Kyle?" I held his hand tighter and put another one on his hip, trying to avoid bruises.
"When I got home last night, he was drunk, and he was pissed that I hadn't been home. I hadn't done anything for his food, and then I came home...happy. He didn't even give me a chance to talk; he already had the belt in his hand. I left as soon as I could; it was early in the morning when I actually got out side. I stayed outside for a couple of hours, wandering, and eventually, accidentally I found myself in front of your house." He had turned his face into my pillow so that he wasn't looking at me anymore. "I remembered what you said about being welcome here; I hope that this isn't bad. I didn't know where else to go...and I didn't want to go back." A tear fell down his cheek.
"I said you are welcome and you are welcome always." I took my hand and wiped the tear away. There was a knock at my door, and I got up to answer it.
"Here, I thought you guys could use some breakfast." I took the tray that my dad had passed to me from the hall. He didn't come in, and I knew that he did that for good reason. He wanted to give him a chance to talk to someone that he trusted. (I hope he trusted me.) I shut the door after giving my dad a look that was worth more than just a smile. I knew that I would have to talk to him, and tell him what was up.
"How about some food?" I walked back over and he sat up a bit. He took a fork and began to play with his food.
"You will get through this...I am here for you, and you're welcome to stay here...I don't care what my dad says...but I think he would agree." He leaned and hugged me tightly.
"I don't know what I did to get you to talk to me yesterday, but I'm glad I did. You are an amazing person, and I'm just a jerk." A tear fell down his face on to my shoulder.
"You have a good heart; you have just had a hard life. I hold no grudges against you." I said as I slightly pushed him back. "Now eat your food, I'll be back in a second." I looked back at him as I opened the door, he was looking down at his food, and a tear fell into his eggs. He sniffled and then scrapped some eggs up on his fork and shoveled them into his mouth.
I walked down the stairs and into the kitchen where my father was sitting with a cup of coffee and a news paper.
"Thanks for the food dad. So I guess that answers your question whether he treats him right or not. Dad he can't go back there, he has belt bruises." I said slowly.
"If that's so I don't think he will be going back, not if I have anything to say about it, I'll make the calls I need to tonight. He can stay here as long as he needs to, but he will have to stay in your room." He looked at me questioningly; I smiled up at him sincerely.
"That's fine; my bed is big enough for the both of us I think." I turned and walked toward the stairs.
"Hey Andy, see if he wants to go to church with us tomorrow, if not you two can stay here." He looked back at his paper with a smile.
"Ok dad!" I walked back up the stairs, and opened my door. Walking in, he looked up from a clean plate and smiled at me. His hair was a mess and he looked really tired. I grabbed a pair of my sleep pants, some boxers and a night shirt that was bigger than normal so I knew it would fit him.
"Why don't you go take a shower and then come back and take a nap, you look worn out." I said as I fumbled for the clothes.
"But I don't have any spare clothes." I turned as he said this and handed him what I had gathered. He looked at my clothes with a look of disbelief. He stood and up and gave me one of those tackle hugs where you have no choice but to drop what you have in your hands and wrap your arms around the hugger to keep from falling. That's what I did, and I found myself holding him as tight as I was being held by him.
We released lightly, keeping our arms around each other and looked into each other's eyes. His dazzling blues looked happier then they had in a long time.
"I don't deserve a friend like you..." Normally the thought of hugging another guy like this would have caused two boys to throw down their arms and act like they didn't know what had happened in the last few minutes, and I don't know what kept his arms around me, but I knew that for myself this felt perfectly right.
"You should get in the shower." I said slowly. He shook his head slightly as if coming out of a dream and dropped his arms. He walked around me and opened the bathroom. I had a bathroom that was conjoined with my dad's `writing room' although he didn't use it much anymore. I used it more than he did.
"Towel is on the rack." I said at the door as the water came on. I kicked something as I shuffled my feet. I looked down and saw the stack of clothes for him that I had dropped. I went to the door and tried to turn the knob but he had locked it or it had been locked by habit already. I folded them up and sat them at the corner of my bed and lay down thinking.
He was a quick shower taker, and I was surprised when he walked out with just a towel wrapped around his waist. His hair was dangling across his face in wet streaks; each dark blond lock was dripping down his face. I had never realized exactly how thin he was, I could see a faint outline of his ribs. My eyes traveled down his chest, and past his naval, over the towel, down his legs. There was a light dusting of blond hair on his legs. The door of the bathroom slowly closed and clicked as it latched. The sound dragged me back to reality.
"Forget something?" I said slowly.
"Yea..." He walked over to the bed and gathered his clothes up in one hand and went back to the bathroom door. He turned the knob but nothing happened.
"Oh! It locked, I'll go get a paper clip, it's the best way to open it, and the other door is always locked." I left the room making sure to shut my door. I walked to the study room and grabbed a paper clip from the desk, and walked back to my room. I slowly opened my door, and I stopped, mouth gapping at the door. Kyle was standing with his back to the door, towel drying his hair, naked. His back was strong, muscled nicely; I noticed the bruises that were all but fading on his back. I followed a belt mark down and my eyes traveled to his round but firm butt. I was staring and I knew that my face had flushed a bit. He stopped drying his hair and slowly turned to face me, and in pure shock his dropped the towel and cupped his hands over his privates. His face flooded red.
"Everything okay up there?" My dad called from the foot of the stairs. I gathered my senses and called back to him.
"Yea, we are good." I jumped into my room and quickly closed the door. I stood facing the door, I had just glimpsed his penis, and I wasn't disgusted.
"I...I'm...I'm Sorry." He stammered.
"No, its ok I don't mind." I said slowly. In my head I was thinking of what to say Yes this is ok because you I know I see guys penis' all the time, although yours in nice'...or... I don't mind, would you like to see mine.' I could have kicked myself for thinking this stuff. I didn't know what I wanted at the moment, all I knew is that I didn't want him thinking he had done something wrong or anything of that nature.
I slowly turned around to see him pulling up the sleep pants over, the boxer briefs I had given him. They were tight his legs were thicker than mine, and I could see a noticeable bulge as the pants slid over his hips. He threw the shirt on and stood there awkwardly.
"So how about that nap? You can lie down and sleep as long as you'd like." I smiled and waved my hand toward the bed.
"I think I will..." he walked over to the bed and lay down, smiling at me.
"I'll be in the next room if you need anything." I stood up as he closed his eyes and slid out of the door and quietly shut it. I walked downstairs to talk to my father again. He was sitting in the living room, reading a book as I wandered in.
"Hey, thanks for letting him stay here. I'm really scared about what his father could do to him."
"Its fine, I would rather him be safe here than somewhere else in pain, but there is something you're not telling me." He looked over his glasses and gave me the piercing look that I couldn't deny. I stared at the ground and took a deep breath.
I continued to tell him the entire story, from the beginning of him picking on me until now. "But he is different now, he needed friendship, and he has never gotten it. He doesn't scare me at all; he is a great guy, just severely mistreated." My father gave me a look that said he wasn't sure how to take it. "Dad seriously, he isn't the same, he was just mistreated and it came out on me. He has realized that I can be a better friend." I had decided that I would leave out the severity what he had done to me and the fact that he had taken my lunch money. "And..."
"You've said enough, he seems like a good kid...misunderstood perhaps...but good none the less. I made one of the calls I had to make and found out that he has family that lives in the town."
"Really? That's great!" I smiled at him, it was great to realize that I had such an understanding dad; it was strange that some people were just so different; my dad had never raised a hand against me. My dad was incredibly perceptive, which scared me because at this time I was holding a ton in and I did want to talk to him about it, but I don't think now is the right time. "I'll be in the study room, Kyle is sleeping."
"That's good. Have fun." He said.
I walked up the steps and into the room that held our computer. It was a nice-sized room, and I could spend a long time in here, just writing or reading. Today, I had a lot to get out so I wrote for several hours and lost track of time. I wrote everything that came to mind, made a few post to a story website I frequent, published a few blog poems, and a few other creative outlets. It was mid afternoon when I jumped out of my skin because of a hand touching my shoulder.
"Oh! Oh...how are you feeling?" I said as I turned around and realized that it was Kyle that had touched me. He looked significantly better, well rested and smiling. He had a nice smile. I knew what was happening I had dreamt about it, written about, read about. I was falling for him, and it scared me. I pulled up a chair from next to the desk and patted the seat. He slid into it and pulled his long legs up with him. He was thin enough to sit in the like that, so was I but it didn't look comfortable to me.
"I'm good, I feel good." He gave me that smile again, and I nearly melted right there. "What are you working on?" Um...what could I tell him? The truth? No, not now...I don't want to scare him away. Most of my writings had been about him, in some form or fashion.
"Oh, this and that, nothing much." I said avoiding the answer all together.
"You said you wanted to read some of my stuff, still interested?" He smiled at me.
"Of course!" I said excited I really did want to read his writing. He slid the keyboard towards him a bit and began to type.
"I use the School Computers to post my stuff, online." He double clicked something and I turned to look a website that I knew well. It was the website I had just closed and where I posted all my favorite writings, under a pseudonym. There was what looked like a poem sitting on the screen. So I started to read.
~Love has stabbed me blind,
Once again I find myself torn.
One to that whom true love lies
And the other where love causes scorn.
Desire tempts those of faint heart
And holds those weak under spell.
I reach for an answer, not gaining
And I learn what I know to well.
One is safe but is it honest?
One is honest but is it safe?
A choice have I made, to
Question life's choices on loves ways.
When an answer I find, love will
Be to late, and both shall move away.
What love is right, and who shall
Tell me so?
Safe told by mother
Fun told by Father
Desired told by Sister
Required told myself
Honest and strict told by the lord.
Which one is true?~
I finished reading and a tear actually rolled down my cheek. I didn't cry often because I wasn't sad often but this poem was amazing. He had a gift and I loved the fact that he was good at it.
"That is...is..." I said with my mouth hanging open and staring at the screen.
"I know it's bad." He said looking down.
"I was going to say amazing." I said with a smile as I turned to look at him in the face. "It is really good; I think that you have a gift."
"Thanks Andy...for everything." He looked at me and was staring into my eyes. I stared back and was about to speak when he leaned forward and his lips touched my cheek. Out of shock I jumped backwards and the chair flipped over. I rolled over backwards and stumbled up.
"Everything ok up there Andy?!" My father yelled from down the stairs. I stood stock still and stared at him. His eyes were wide with fear. I took a deep breath and step toward him.
"ANDY!?" He called again.
"I'm fine; I fell over in the chair." I yelled out the door.
"Be careful!" I heard him call. I stood there stock still looking a Kyle. He dropped his gaze and almost ran out of the room and into mine, he had quite feet. I had to walk so as not to stomp, and I slowly opened my door to see him sitting on the edge of my bed crying. I walked in a put an arm around him, he shrugged it away. There was a knock at my door.
"One Sec." I walked over and opened it a bit.
"What would you guys like to do for dinner?" My dad asked smiling. It was late enough for dinner which surprised me; I don't know why I didn't notice that it had gotten dark.
"Um, is it possible to order a pizza again or something easy, I don't think he should go anywhere." I asked.
"Yea, that's fine with me; I'll get you guys one of you own so that you can stay up here. He okay?" he asked the last part in a whisper.
"I hope so..." I smiled and closed the door as he walked away. I walked back over and sat down next to him again, as he continued to sniffle and cry. Even though he was looking down, he still managed to turn his head away from me and put a hand up to cover his eyes. I was not going to have this, he kissed me, and I wanted to know what was wrong with him.
"Kyle, talk to me." I said as I reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. It almost sounded like he was crying harder, he shrugged me away again.
"I don't want to; you don't have to pretend to be nice anymore." I stood up almost in anger as he said this, I was not pretending. I realized quickly that he was in a place that I couldn't understand, it was a confusion of love altogether. I turned my self so I was directly in front of him and facing him, I knelt down on my knees in front of him. I took his hand into mine, and turned his head to force him to face me.
"If you think that I am pretending, why did you kiss me?" This was apparently the wrong thing to bring into the light, he began to cry harder, and the kind of crying that involved hyperventilating. I wrapped my arms around him in a tight hug; he was trying to push me away and I just held on tighter until I felt his body go limp and his arms slowly wrap around me. I began to rub his back as his head rested on my shoulder, the crying had slowed and his breathing was back to normal. I moved my hands up to his head, and I ran my hand through his hair, slowly. This was what always made me feel better, so I figured it would help him. It seemed to, his crying stopped and he took a deep breath and wrapped his arms tighter around me.
I broke away slightly so that I was face to face with him; I leaned and kissed his forehead. "I told you once that I would always be here for you, and it was because I was pretending to be your friend." A different kind of tear slid down his face this time, a single solitary tear. I wrapped my arms tighter around him again pulling him close to me.
"Pizza's here!" I heard my dad call from the foot of the stairs. This broke our hold and I stood up, I reached out and grabbed a tissue and I wiped his eyes, when I was pleased that he looked calm, and almost happy, we stood up and walked out of the room.
We ate the pizza with my dad, and we had small talk nothing major, a few jokes here or there. When we were done with the pizza and my dad announced that he had to get to sleep, because he had to patrol early morning before church. We stood up and I followed Kyle back to my room, I slowly shut the door and turned to face him. It was an awkward moment before I decided to crawl over the foot of my bed and lay my head down on a pillow. He breathed deep... a sigh? And he lay down next to me with his head on the next pillow. We were turned so that we faced each other and we just stared. I gazed into his deep blue eyes for as long as I could without kissing him, and then I rolled over to my back, leaving him to make the next move.
Slowly I felt him scoot toward me and he nuzzled himself as close to me as possible, when he realized that I hadn't objected he wrapped an arm tightly around me. I relaxed my arm around behind him and we lay like that for, I don't know how long. I know that eventually we both drifted off to sleep and our breathing became slowly synchronized.
I slowly opened my eyes, as everything that I could remember came flooding back to me. I folded my arm close to me and pulled nothing but covers and air. I looked around and realized I was alone, I began to worry. For a moment I had the fleeting fear that everything had been a dream, then the fear switched to one that had me thinking he had went home.
I jumped up and rushed to the bathroom, I burst into it slightly franticly, and he was there, standing adjusting a tie. He was wearing my clothes again, but they looked great on him. A pair of dark slacks that lead up to his waist where he wore a belt, with a Navy blue button up shirt tucked in. He was looking at me with a strange look on his face.
"Are you ok?" He said slowly. I realized how awkward it must have been for me to have just bust in unannounced.
"Oh sorry, I uh, just was wondering...oh...um...you look nice!" I ended the sentence with a completely different topic, hoping to save a little of my embarrassment.
"Oh...yea thanks, your dad helped me pick it out...hope you don't mind." He said brushing down his front, he really did look great.
"No, you look good." I backed out of the bathroom with a smile and proceeded to pick out my own clothes, I mirrored his clothes, but I choose a red shirt instead. I dressed quickly, smoothing the wrinkles out as Kyle walked out of the bathroom.
"Looking sharp!" I smiled up at him as he commented on my clothing.
"You guys ready?" My dad called from the front door. We walked down the stairs and drove to the church. It was interesting going into a public place with Kyle, I became extremely defensive. I stood next to him at all times, making sure we tagged close enough to dad to be safe. I didn't realize how weird our friendship would be, until I saw the look on some of my friends faces from the youth group. One in particular, my best friend John, had known about Kyle, and the bully he was. And now I stood here with him by my side like we had been friends for our entire life. It didn't help that my dad kept introducing him as Andy's friend. There was no problem with this, but people were bound to begin to wonder.
Church began, like always with the choir coming in singing, the preacher singing along leading the rest of the congregation. I took a different pew today near the front so that I wouldn't be sitting near my dad or my friends and Kyle and I could write messages back and forth. I looked over to see Kyle wide eyed with amazement, I had never known anyone who hadn't been to church at some point in their life. The preacher gave his sermon and we sat their writing, small comments, trying to fight back giggles every now and then. Kyle had been writing something of his own that he wouldn't let me see, every time I tried to glance at it, he would swiftly slide it away. When he was done, the preacher called for everyone to bow their heads in prayer.
"I feel safe." The comment was whispered in my ear as my head stayed bowed. I turned to see him smiling at me his own head leaning forward in prayer.
"Church is a safe place for most people." I smiled.
"No that's not what I mean, this is a great place, but I feel safe because I'm with you." He blushed slightly. I didn't know what to say, I couldn't think of anything to fit this situation in words. I slowly reached out and wrapped my hand around his, intertwining our fingers. He squeezed my hand and released it right before the Preacher said Amen.
We looked up and quickly scanned the people around to see if anyone had been looking at us. Church ended and we left, going back home. My dad left us at the front to go and patrol the rest of the day. We walked up to my room and I closed the door behind us.
"So Mr. Secretive, what were you writing in church today?" I looked over at him as he loosened his tie.
"Oh, nothing..." He slid his tie over his head and hung it gently on the handle of the bathroom. He began to un-tuck his shirt and in the process knocked a piece of paper out of his pocket. It fluttered to the ground; it was a slow motion moment, when we both just stared at the piece of paper as it fluttered to the ground. We both dove for it and I snatched it before he got to it. I looked at the folded piece of paper and slowly passed it to him. He looked down at my hand and closed my fingers around it.
"Read, its ok, it's for you." He said slowly.
~This is to you because
Because since the last time I saw you, I've felt numb.
Because when I heard you say "you'd be there."
I couldn't imagine it uttered from anyone
Else's lips.
Because when you held me, I felt
Untouchable.
Because the silence we shared wasn't
awkward it was pure understanding
Because you were the only person to
Just kiss me
Because that little noise you make
When you don't want me to understand
You any more than you understand
Yourself, makes me smirk.
Because your arms are built just enough
to contain me~
A tear slid down my cheek and onto the paper. I let the paper fall to the ground and lunged forward and wrapped my arms around him. Our lips locked together as we passionately and haphazardly kissed each other. We broke apart just looking at each other, when I slipped out of his hands.
"This isn't right." I said slowly.
"What's wrong about it?" He asked painfully.
"Nothing...I mean...the church...what would my friends say...what would my father say? I started confusedly. "It's a sin."
"Only in some people's eyes..."
"I do...I mean...yea..." I dropped to the floor sitting crossed legged and listening to thoughts thunder through my head. I wanted to let myself love him, but this was wrong by everything I had been taught growing up. There was only one thing that I knew to do, check the bible the way I had the first time something like this had happened.
"Hand me my bible please." I said to Kyle, he reached behind him and picked up the bible slowly, and turned presenting it to me slowly. My hand touched it and he let go, thinking that I had it. It fell to the ground bounced lightly and fell open. I looked down and my eyes found one verse, it seemed (it could have been the state I was in, or real) to be darker than all the rest.
1 Peter 4:80 "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." I read the last of it out loud. It was simply amazing how many of my questions had been answered by the simplicity of opening the bible and chancing a glance.
I looked up to see him looking at me strangely, I took his hand and he pulled me up. We walked over to the bed and sat down.
"I don't know what's going to happen..." I began.
"Neither do I..."He said "...but I know one thing, I will fight like hell, to keep you if I have to."
"I love you..." I said slowly. He kissed me and I slowly fell backward until my head touched a pillow. We kissed slowly and passionately. I knew that I was more confident in what I was doing, and so I kissed back as if this wasn't one of my first kisses. The kiss continued until we had no breath left in our lungs. We broke for a moment and took a deep breath, returning to our passion. I felt his hand twist the buttons of my shirt out of their holes. While our lips stayed locked, I could feel each button pop from the hole, and my shirt falling open. My shirt slid out of my pants and over my shoulders, we rolled so that I was no laying over him. I broke the kiss and threw my shirt to the side. I looked back at him and smiled. My smile faltered a bit as I looked at his buttons, if I continued I committed to this and we went all the way.
"Are you ok?" He reached up and ran fingers down my face; I closed my eyes and pushed face into his hand.
"Yes..." I took a breath, returning to my smile I slowly unbuttoned his shirt, throwing it to the side as well. I ran my fingers over his chest, it was smooth and soft. I made careful not to touch any of the bruises; he closed his eyes and let his head relax completely on the pillow. I lowered down and kissed his neck, and continued to rub his chest. I moved my kissing down his neck and onto his chest; I began to use soft kisses. I felt him reach up and rub my head again. His hands slid down from my head and gripped my arms; he rolled me over and rolled onto me. He began to kiss my neck and slowly slid himself down my body. My eyes were closed the feelings that were being tripped in my body. He was kissing my stomach now, and massaging it time with his lips. I felt his hands on my belt as he undid it. My pants unsnapped and I arched my back as he slid them down. I heard them land in the pile next to the bed.
I felt him lift himself off my body and I heard something else hit the floor, as I opened my eyes, Kyle wearing nothing but underwear crawled back on top of me and began to kiss my neck again. I could feel his warmth against me now, his chest was a comfortable pressure on my own, and I reached up and entwined my fingers in his hair. He slid down me again, kissing more, when he reached my stomach he stopped and kissed every inch above the waist band of my boxers. I took a deep breath as his fingers slid under the band of my shorts and his hand pulled them slightly. My boxers were added to pile of clothes and I opened my eyes to look at him. He was kneeling over me looking like a god, with his body glistening slightly in sweat. He had lost his underwear somewhere in the process.
He was as excited as I was, and he began to kiss my waist, he moved slowly around chasing my excitement. My eyes closed again, and I felt the warmth of a long kiss slide over me. My body buckled in the pleasure, as he continued. This new experience was sending my body into a shock; I felt his come from my leg began to message chest. The kiss ended abruptly and the pleasure tingled, like waterfall being held back. I opened my eyes and sat up to kiss him. I tasted my body on him, and it made me feel like we were more one then we had been so far.
I pushed him on to his back and began to kiss his stomach above his excitement, I slowly moved down and I hesitated before I returned the pleasure. I stared intently, this was so pleasurable and the passion was amazing. I leaned forward and began to pass all the pleasure, which he had given to me, back to him. I felt the warmth of him, and I enjoyed the feeling.
His body squirmed, and I placed a hand to steady his motions. My touch seemed to make him move even more. He bucked gently and I sat back up relaxing, he sat up and kissed me again, this time guiding me to lie down on the bed. He kissed my neck and then moved down and the warmth of his kisses engulfed me again. I could feel a sensation dribbling down my skin from the tip to the base, and I felt his kissed end. He turned so that he was next to me and he threw a leg slowly over me so that he straddled me.
I kept my eyes closed, he whispered in my ear and I nodded. He took me in his hands guiding me in what to do. I felt pressure at the tip and then his body took a tight grip in me. It pressure spread the length and the pleasure went surging up my spine. He hands gripped my chest, a tight grip of pain. I reached up and placed my hands on his arms, gently rubbing. I started to speak, it wasn't worth the pleasure for his pain, but before I could speak he placed a finger on my lips and relaxed on my chest for a moment.
I watched as he sat back up and with his eyes closed, he began to rock. A simple smile came over his face as I closed my eyes again. The pressure, the pleasure continued to flow over my body and then recede again, swift currents going over my body. It wasn't long before I felt warmth from Kyle land on my chest, and with a smile I let the pleasure over take my body. It felt like I jumped ten feet in the air with Kyle atop me and I let all the pleasure, fly from my body, leaving me in a wave of exhaustion.
He collapsed on my chest and spread his legs so that he was laying the length of me.
"I love you." I whispered as I wrapped my arms around him. It felt natural and pure to be lying here with his body slowly melting into mine.
"If I were rich, I would repay you threefold for everything you've done for me." He said with a tear and a kiss to my cheek.
"You, finding you, your love is more than threefold what I have done for you, it is all I could ever want." I felt him take a deep breath and then nuzzle into me even tighter.
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Poem Credit ~ Because ~ Written By Jem S.