*----- Scene Change - 05 Hi This is, a you probably know, a story. Fiction, not reality, and so no, it's not about you, whatever you might believe. As usual, if you shouldn't be reading this for whatever reason, or you don't like the idea of guys being gay and falling in love, then don't stay here and read this. I don't know why we all keep saying this, don't you know this by now?
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Being Thursday morning already I hadn't left myself very long to ensure that Leon was really OK with the idea of spending time with Joel on Saturday. But I did my best to give him continued reassurance and positivity about it. I think I'd made some progress, although I'm not sure how well I had managed to mask my own anxieties about it. I really wanted this to work out. I didn't see Joel at school at all on Thursday, although I'm not sure if that was a good or a bad thing, but on Friday he was back. He wouldn't give me any kind of hint about where we were going, other than to say that we don't need to be wearing anything special. It was sort of fun, and sort of agonising hell. I'd never felt more nervous about a date, but then, I'd never taken my son on a date with me either. So maybe it wasn't even a proper date, but I didn't know how else to think about it.
I spent way too much time on Friday shopping for new clothes and generally over-grooming, which included an impossibly expensive haircut and even more expense at Lush buying all of my favourite products. I don't know if staff there get commission but if they do then Danielle did very well out of my visit. I also realised that it had been a really long time since I paid this much attention to myself. When I got to school to pick up Leon I was half relieved that Joel wasn't there, but only half. Rachel was there and made no effort at all to leave me alone.
"God Connor, look at you, its as if you're making an effort or something?"
"What?"
"Great hair."
"Oh, thanks. I used to have it like this and thought maybe it was time to go back."
"Yeah, OK. So nothing to do with your date tomorrow?"
"No."
"Of course, why would I think that?"
Her amusement was clear, and whilst I knew she was just having a little fun, it cut a bit too close to the truth for comfort. Whatever I tried to convince myself, I was feeling nervous. It might as well have been my first date ever. And she wasn't helping. She could at least have said that Joel was nervous too. Maybe he wasn't. Damn him. Thankfully the boys arrived and cut short my discomfort, with any thoughts of our date being superseded by listening to Leon tell me about stuff at school.
It was late on Friday, well after Leon was in bed before Joel messaged me.
'Hey, so tomorrow, meet me at 1 in front of the pier'
'OK, do I get any more clues?'
`Nope!'
'Grrrr'
'Mmmm, I can't help but imagine you look so cute when you do that.'
'Cute!? That's my best growly "I'm mad at you" face!'
'Awww, so cute'
':)'
'x'
The `x' temporarily threw me into full on teenage anxiety, what did it mean!? Yeah, I really needed to relax.
Saturday was our regular waffle making breakfast routine, during which I reminded Leon again that we were going to be out for day, with Joel. He seemed OK with it, even though he was obviously unimpressed with my inability to adequately answer any of his questions.
"Where are we going?"
"I don't know."
"Are we going to the circus?" There's a circus?
"I don't know."
"Will Andre be coming with us?"
"No, at least I don't think so." Actually I really should have clarified that one. And the toughest one.
"Why?"
"Because Joel and Daddy want to spend some time together?"
"Are you friends?"
"Yeah buddy, we are. I like him, remember?" At least kind of.
Have you ever tried to get ready for a date whilst getting a kid dressed at the same time? No, why would you have done that? It made a school day morning feel like a triviality. With no time to spare, we were finally on our way, only five minutes late getting there. I hate being late. Even having Leon living with me now, I'm always on time, well mostly anyway. Joel either didn't notice or didn't care. He was stood right in front of the pier waiting for us, and looked as amazing as usual. Maybe more than usual.
"Hey guys!"
I was pleasantly surprised by the hug and the kiss on the cheek I got, and didn't really have long enough to enjoy it as Joel was already doing the same to Leon. This was a good sign, Leon was smiling and giggling.
"So, where are we going?" I asked.
"There!"
Joel pointed past Leon and myself in an overly-dramatic fashion. Leon looked in the direction he was pointing, and then to me. I shrugged, quite genuinely not knowing where Joel meant.
"Where exactly?"
"To the Sea Life centre - unless you guys have already been?"
We hadn't, which in the moment seemed like a ridiculous fact, it would have been a great place for me to take Leon before now. Leon was looking confused.
"It's like an aquarium buddy, with all kinds of fish and things."
"And sharks!" Added Joel, who actually seemed to be very excited by the whole thing. Leon was grinning as he took my hand and we walked over.
It was bigger than I had imagined, and Leon was totally enthralled with all the different tanks. As we wandered around there were several moments where I found myself daydreaming about how this was what it would be like, if we were a family. I know it's stupid, and vastly premature, but I couldn't help imagining it. After a couple of hours Leon decided that he should sit on my shoulders as we walked around, which was fine by me, just a little tiring. Joel was making a really great effort at being friends with Leon, and it seemed to be working.
Leon was starting to get bored, which Joel obviously noticed too. In truth, I was having a great time, enjoying the brief conversations with Joel whenever Leon headed off to investigate something interesting, and then catching his eye, seeing his smile as he explained to Leon what a Lion fish was. I wasn't really ready for it to be over so soon, but we heading outside again.
Joel paused, turning to look at Leon and me with the kind of faux seriousness that belonged on the stage.
"OK guys, now, I was thinking that maybe we should go for ice cream, but I'm not sure, do you even like ice-cream?"
Leon seemed to find a whole new lease of life at the mention of ice-cream, which I'm sure Joel was counting on.
"Yay! Can we daddy? Can we go for ice-cream Daddy? Can we?"
As if I was ever going to say no, I smiled at Joel.
"Hmmm, I'm not sure... I'm not sure I even like ice-cream that much..."
"Stop it Daddy, I know you I do! You like strawberry and chocolate like me. Please? Please, please, please, please, please!"
"OK, OK. Let's go then."
Joel appeared to check his phone briefly, but we were soon on our way, Joel on my left, Leon holding my hand on the right. It was another powerful little fantasy of what life might be like, the three of us. A few minutes walk and we're at this cool little place, themed like a diner, but only selling ice-cream - in about a hundred different flavours. Leon stood in front of the counter looking for all the world like it was every Christmas and every birthday all in one. After a lot of choosing, we were finally settled in a booth, Leon next to me, Joel opposite. Most of the conversation was Leon telling us about the things we had seem earlier at the aquarium, as if we hadn't been standing right there with him. We'd definitely ordered too much ice-cream, but we all managed to finish it eventually.
Leon was temporarily occupied colouring in some pictures that the waitress had brought over for him.
"Thanks for today Joel, we've had a great time. I've had a great time."
"Good, me too. Good enough for a second date?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"A proper date Connor?"
"Yeah, well, maybe, I don't have anyone to look after..."
"I told you, Rachel will be fine with it."
"OK, then, yeah, if you're sure, that would be great."
There was a moments pause between us as I checked with myself that I really meant what I was about to say.
"So... we should probably head home soon, but if you wanted, I mean, it's OK if you don't, but, you could come back with us?"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. I mean, we'll just be hanging out, you know? Nothing exciting."
"Sounds great Connor, I'd love to."
"And stay for dinner too?"
Joel smiled as his answer was interrupted by Leon, who I thought wasn't paying us any attention at all.
"We're having pizza, Dad made them all and they're the best pizzas ever!"
"See? I even have a fan."
"You have at least two."
Leon was already back to his colouring, but I realised that he was obviously more attentive than he appeared.
Back home and things are feeling pretty chilled out. Leon seemed to be OK with Joel being there with us, and even started to tell him about the dinosaur models he's started collecting. I stood in his doorway quietly watching as Joel talked with Leon in a seemingly endlessly patient way, asking questions, and joining in with the random make-believe play. I'd not explicitly made the day a test, but if it was one, Joel had definitely passed with flying colours.
I'd made several large pizzas, all of which were still in the fridge. The original plan was that we'd cook probably just one and I'd freeze the others for when I'm feeling lazy or we're pushed for time. You have to be so fucking organised with a kid. So it was easy enough to cook more, now that we had Joel staying for dinner too. When we'd finished eating the consensus was that we should watch a Lego movie. And when I say consensus, Leon wanted to and somehow had enrolled Joel on to his side of the discussion without me noticing, which meant I was outvoted. We all squeezed onto the sofa, which wouldn't have been quite such a squeeze if Leon didn't have the ability to take up more space than me. Although it gave me a good reason to sit close to Joel. A few minutes in and Joel's arm is gently draped around me. I look at him and we are both smiling. Later on, Leon decided to pull some cushions down and sit on the floor, which he often does, which means that Joel and me could stretch out slightly on the sofa, with his arm still around me, over my chest now as I lay against him. Having seen the film about fifty times before, I didn't pay it much attention, and instead day-dreamed about how perfect it all felt. Despite my inattention, the film ended too quickly.
"OK Leon, it's time to get ready for bed."
"But Daddy!"
Ha ha, no, it's not going to work, this time.
"No buddy, come on, you've got time for a quick shower, and then bed."
We argued about this for a few minutes, like most nights, but he went off to start getting ready for bed. Not that I can just leave him to it or anything, but he's a good kid. Whilst Leon was in the bathroom I went back to Joel.
"So, do you want a beer or something? Or do you have to go."
"Yeah, that would be great. I've got nowhere better to be."
I opened a couple, but had only managed a mouthful before I heard Leon heading back to his bedroom.
"Sorry, I just have to get him to bed, I won't be long."
By the time I'd finished drying Leon's hair and got him into his pyjamas it was probably going on for twenty minutes.
"OK, so before you get in to bed, I think we should go and say thank-you to Joel, yeah? For giving us a nice day today."
He just smiled at me as we made our way back to the lounge. Joel was still sat on the sofa and was obviously texting someone as we entered. I'd assumed that I would have to prompt Leon to say anything, but he surprised me by going over and giving Joel a hug.
"Thank you Joel. It was good today, oh, and for ice-cream!"
"Any time Leon, I've had a good time too. Goodnight."
Being a kid, that was the end of the conversation, and Leon was soon tucked up in bed. I'd managed to negotiate a no story night - yes, because I'm a terrible parent - so I was quickly back on the sofa next to Joel. His hand was brushing my face and then we were kissing, hard and passionately. Disappointingly, it was Joel who pulled away first.
"What?"
"Nothing. But I should probably go."
"Go?" I didn't intend to sound quite so disappointed.
"Yeah."
"Oh, right."
"Connor, it's not what I want to do. But what I want to do definitely doesn't meet your criteria of going slowly with this."
"No, I get it."
"I really have had a great time though. And who knows, maybe next weekend we'll do it again, just the two of us?"
"Sure, but don't take me to the aquarium again or else I'm likely to get bored and grouchy."
"Not even if we go for ice-cream after?"
"Well I did like the ice-cream".
We both laughed, which turned into kissing, again. It seemed that we both had difficulty keeping our hands to ourselves. But Joel had much greater resolve than me, because I'd have happily just taken him in to my bedroom. He stood up and pulled on his jacket.
"I'll probably see you around at school anyway, but next Saturday, are you busy?"
"I'm hoping to be."
A final kiss, OK, maybe several, and then he was gone. I went and sat back on the sofa with another beer, and dared to imagine that maybe this could actually work.
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