*********** DISCLAIMER: This story is not real. Comprende? *NSync (ie-- Chris and JC) may or may not be gay. Who cares? Whatever floats their respective boats is their business and not mine. I don't know them, although I wish I did. =(
Thanks go out to my muses: Dara, Red, Tariana, and Casey. Without you guys, I wouldn't be writing so much. And that goes for everyone who has e-mailed me, too. THANK YOU, all of you. This is the final chapter of "Scarce Heard." Hope you have enjoyed my second complete posting to Nifty! ("Tears In Your Eyes" was the first.)
Special thanks to Kenitra ("Millennium Love") for the idea for the story's format. The song & lyrics are by SoulDecision (Canucks like me!). **********
Scarce Heard Amid The Guns Below 19- Faded -Chris POV By Colleen
And so we've reached the end of our little journey. In so many ways, this was good for me and Josh. We almost needed this, because, as we've since learned, we didn't really trust each other. This test put us through HELL, but we've come through it stronger. And more importantly, we've come through it together. That's all that counts.
JC has been so good to me since he brought me back to Orlando. I'm staying at his... OUR place. Even though we're working on building the trust between us, it hasn't been easy. We've had our ups and downs already, but we're getting there. The first full day back here, JC and I sat around this house, staring at each other. We didn't know what to talk about, and we didn't know what to do. Things were awkward, but they're getting better.
Justin dropped by yesterday and nearly fell off the step when I answered the door. First Lance, now Justin... who else am I going to kill in shock? I don't think Justin even really knew Josh had left, so finding out that not only had JC left Orlando, but he had come back with me... the look on his face was pretty funny. He dragged JC into the studio almost as soon as JC got downstairs, and the two of them talked for at least an hour. I sat in the living room, writing. Josh thinks I play on the PlayStation when I'm alone, but I actually write. I write in my journal, or I write poetry, or, if the mood hits me, song lyrics. I even stuck one of my lyric sets in his notebook and listened to him build a song around it the other day. He realized the lyrics weren't his own, but he didn't ask me if I knew where they were from. He either knew they were mine, or he thought they were written by a ghost.
The phone rings... that seems to be such a common occurance now... It's Danielle.
"Chris!" she exclaims on hearing my voice.
"Dani!" I laugh.
"How are things going with you and JC?" she asks me.
"We're working on it, Dan. It will take us a long time to completely rebuild, but we'll get there someday."
"I'm just glad you guys are together again."
"Are we together?" I ask her softly. "We're living in the same house right now, but does that mean we're boyfriends again? I don't think either one of us could handle it if anything happened. The past is too close for comfort."
"I'd like for us to be together," I hear JC's quiet tones behind me. Turning, I see him standing in the doorway, looking nervous. "I don't want to push you, though."
"I'll call you back," I tell Danielle, hanging up and turning to face JC. "What?"
"That's the whole reason I came to Louisberg," JC starts, "I wanted to find out if there was still a chance for us. When you agreed to come back here, I let you have your space. And I'm still letting you have your space, even though you know how I feel. How I've always felt. I love you, Chris, and nothing will change that."
"Oh, Josh," is all I can get out. I don't want to tell him I love him, because I don't want to hurt him. If I really loved him, I wouldn't have cheated on him. If I really loved him, I wouldn't have run-- twice. If I really loved him...
"I'll be in the studio," JC says, walking away before I can respond. However, I notice the sad look that's come into his eyes and I feel a knife enter my heart. I don't want to hurt him by telling him I love him, but am I hurting him more by not telling the truth? He's already bared his soul to me... Standing up, I head for the studio. JC looks up in surprise when I enter, but he doesn't say anything.
"Why'd you tell me you love me?" I ask him.
"Because I do, and I want you to know where you stand in my life. I love you, and I wanted you to know that." I just stare at him for a minute, deciding. He's bared his soul to me, again, even after all I did to him not six months ago.
"I love you, too," I finally confess, looking at the floor. "I never stopped loving you."
"Then why did you run away from me?" JC asks gently.
"I thought I would hurt you by staying, so I ran. And I ended up hurting ME. I've missed you so much, Josh." A tear falls down my cheek and I feel JC's gentle hands wipe it away.
"I missed you more," he says, taking my face in his hands and making me look at him. There are tears in his blue eyes, so it's my turn to wipe his tears away. We've both been through so much together, and yet it feels like we're starting again. Maybe this time, we can make it right. And this time, all our promises WILL last forever.
"I love you, Josh."
"I love you, Chris."
***** I'm kinda faded but I feel alright Thinking about making my move tonight I can't pretend that you're only my friend When you're holding my body tight 'Cause I like the way you're making it move I like the way you're making me wait At the end of the night when I make up your mind You'll be coming on home with me *****