Say Goodbye to Sparkleland

Say Goodbye to Sparkleland Chapter 19

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When Say Goodbye to Sparkleland started, several readers were apprehensive to start because of what Mitchell did to Cooper. We are now to that point.

Dig in.

19

"Hello, Mitch. How are you this week?" Logan asked.

I set my book down. "Fine."

Sometimes we sat near Logan's desk. But he also had a couch, and there were times I felt more comfortable there. He was looking at some papers on his desk, so I took a seat there.

"Actually, I'm feeling kind of good about things that happened since our last session."

Logan gave me his full attention. "Tell me."

"That night, I met up with Kenneth and had a great time reconnecting. His husband was with him. We had a really good time. It was encouraging to see that his life worked out."

"A sign of hope, perhaps?"

"Maybe. I just felt good for him. I texted Santos too. We had a short call a day later. It was nice to hear his voice."

"This is very positive. These people are all parts of the journey that made you who you are."

"Who am I?"

Logan smiled. "Mitchell Sanders. But as we untangle all that, I think you have a much better chance of moving forward in a more positive light."

I exhaled. I knew addressing the next name in the book was going to be horribly painful. But that was the whole point of me being in Logan's office.

"Shall we begin?" he said, gesturing to the black book.

"Can we move over there?"

He nodded. I picked up the book and took a seat on his couch. It was more comfortable.

"No. 19. Cooper Snow. Two inches soft, five inches hard. Cut. No pre-cum. Perfect balls. Blond hair. Perfect bush. Completely beautiful."

I inhaled slowly through my nostrils and exhaled through my mouth. I repeated that. It was a calming way to breathe.

"Are there other things written?"

"More than any other person." I looked at things I had jotted down. "Appreciative. Forgiving. Patient. Taught me to enjoy volume. Corey. Apartment 207. George Michael. Love of my life." I could see the discoloration of the page where tears had landed on it. "Then I wrote: I fucked it all up."

"Okay. Here we are. Going into this, let's think about your past loves: Cruz, Santos, Calvin."

"And you."

Logan closed his eyes and sighed. "Right." He took a moment to collect himself. "So ... all of these men. You were in love with them. But you place Cooper as the love of your life. How was he different than those that came before?"

"I loved all those other men, yes. Even Arlo and Kenneth have special places in my heart."

"Sure."

"But Cooper was different. Maybe it was because it was a slow-burn type of thing."

"Slow burn?"

Whenever the entire company had to be in meetings, we used Conference Room Zeta. The seating was at least twenty executives, and at least that many surrounded the walls. There were no windows. Just before Mrs. Pike began her presentation, a gorgeous blond hunk darted for a donut. It was the guy Kris had been talking about. His name was Cooper. He found a small opening next to me and slid in there.

Fuck. He was hot.

We all turned our attention to the presenter. Every now and then, my peripheral vision could see his hand raise the donut to his mouth. I didn't want to stare, but I turned for a quick glance for a second. Man, his looks made me melt.

We gave a smile to each other.

For just a second, my elbow touched his. It was just a simple bump; it was an accident. It stayed there for a few seconds touching mine. It was the slightest of connections, but neither of us moved our arm. The elbows just ... touched.

Following Pike's presentation, people started filtering out of the room. I turned to Cooper.

"Have we actually met? Hi, I'm Mitchell. Mitchell Sanders."

"Cooper Snow."

"You're on the ... fifth floor?"

"Sixth. And you?"

"Fourth. I'm in I.T."

"Thank heavens for you guys," he said. "Um. Nice meeting you, Mitchell."

He walked away. At the end of the hall, he turned back to look in my direction before rounding the corner. He saw me looking at him. We smiled again. He tucked his head and moved on.

Each day I stood near the window hoping to see him walk to his car. Once I saw him leave, I knew his car. But I just wanted to look at him. I watched for three more days.

—

Earlier in the week, I had spoken to Cooper for the first time. Kris had me convinced that he was secretly gay, even though the whole staff knew he was married, and everyone had met his wife at a company party.

Four days later, I got brave and ventured up to have lunch on his floor. I walked into the lounge. Cooper gave me a smile. I was pleased he hadn't gone out for lunch. But I had been watching; he typically didn't.

"Hey there."

"Hi, Cooper. All week our floor's lounge has been baby talk. We have two expectant parents and one young mother. I mean, that's all fine, great ... and everything, but I just can't deal with conversations about babies today. I hope your floor is accepting of outsiders."

"Ha. We're not an exclusive bunch. Have a seat."

I joined Cooper at a small table, sitting across from him. We talked about business and how I was hoping to advance beyond just the IT role in our firm. I loved looking at Cooper, and I noticed him looking at me, almost longingly. Kris had to be right, but I wasn't entirely sure. I glanced at his wedding ring. Then I looked into his eyes again. My shoe brushed against his. He pressed into it, but then he pulled away. I wasn't sure what to make of that. His actions seemed to enjoy subtle touches, but was I just reading what I wanted to see into it?

After a few minutes, he cleaned his dish.

"It was nice seeing you, Mitchell."

"Please, call me Mitch."

"Okay, Mitch. Hope to see you soon." He paused looking at me, then awkwardly headed back to his office.

What was he telling me? The guy was married. But ... there was chemistry. We both felt it. Was Cooper living a double life? Did he want men but just resisted? Or was he simply nice and I was misinterpreting all of the signals?

The next week, I parked my car a few spaces from Cooper's. When we got out of our vehicles, we said hello. As we walked in, I shared some confidential information and leaned in to speak softly. My hand was on his shoulder. I just wanted to touch him. When I got off the elevator, I turned to him.

"See you."

As the elevator doors started to close, I looked into his eyes. Our gaze was so connected; there was something there. I just knew it.

The next day close to 5 o'clock, I decided to go to his office.

"Hey. If you are about to get out of here, want to go grab a drink?" I asked from his doorway.

"Umm. Probably not. I have my wife and son waiting for me. Dinner will be in about an hour."

"I see," I said, sounding slightly disappointed.

"But. I have a bottle right here in my cabinet. If Jim Beam is fine."

"Sure."

He pulled out a couple of glasses and put them next to his computer. I came around to his side and sat on his desk. It seemed slightly close, but I wanted it that way. He poured us both a drink. I winked at him when he handed it to me. It was innocent and friendly. Maybe I was imagining it, but he smiled. I thought Cooper's breathing was getting heavier. I hoped it was because he liked me being there. But what if he wanted me to back off?

"Cheers," I said, holding up my glass.

"Cheers," he returned, clinking his glass.

This time, we didn't talk about business. I asked about his home, his family. I asked about Natalie. He said she was fine. She was nice.

"Does she satisfy you?" I softly asked.

There it was, I made the first move. But to a married man? Was my attraction so strong to a man that I was trying to avoid the fact that he was married?

"What?"

"Does she give you everything you need?"

"I – I – I ..." Cooper's eyes were fear and panic and uncertainty ... and desire.

"I'm drawn to you, Cooper. I think you know that."

"I don't know what to say."

"Can I kiss you?"

He didn't answer. His expression told me he wanted it. He just looked at my eyes. I leaned forward and softly put my lips on his. I was bold, but was it too bold? He pulled back. I assumed I had misread the situation; I was mistaken. He stared straight into my eyes again. Cooper grabbed my shoulders and pulled me to him. The second kiss was longer than the first.

"I ... probably shouldn't do that. I'm ... married ... after all."

"Does she satisfy what you need?" I whispered into his lips.

Again, he didn't answer. I just stared into his eyes, seeing a man who so desperately wanted to be held. I wanted him in my arms as well. I was so consumed by my attraction that I displaced the fact that he had a wife and kid. Cooper was so gorgeous. I needed him.

I kissed him again. My tongue gently entered his mouth and touched the tip of his tongue. The back of my hand just grazed his crotch. I wanted to know if he was hard. I found out.

Cooper panicked.

"I shouldn't be doing this," he whispered. "We should stop. I probably need to go."

"Okay. I don't want you to do anything you don't want to." I felt terrible. I had come on to a married man. Even if he desired me — we wanted each other — that ring meant he was off-limits. I felt worse than terrible.

I excused myself. We didn't see each other for the rest of the week. Every day, I just wanted to see him. Just to say "hi." Just to wave. Just to look into his eyes. But each of those simple gestures continued to where I was kissing him and undressing him in my mind. I knew I was taken with Cooper — desperately taken — and I was complicating his marriage. His marriage!! I was a fucking jerk.

I watched him walk to his car. Every day.

It killed me. I longed for him desperately like I hadn't wanted a man in years. But I kept my distance. I didn't want to cause him trouble. I stayed away.

The next week, Cooper came to my office at closing time, or at least the time IT people were expected to leave. We spoke so few words when he entered. We just looked at each other. He locked my door behind him, which was all the conversation I needed. He stepped toward me. I stared into his eyes for a long time. He looked into mine. We didn't say anything. Our eyes took over the conversation. Cooper moved me into a corner, and then he pressed his lips to mine. I accepted it. He took the next steps to complicating his life. I put my hands behind his head and sealed the two of us together. We stood there, kissing. Minutes went by. Finally, I spoke.

"I want you," I breathlessly uttered. "You have me all hot right this second. Do you know how much I want you?"

Cooper reached down to feel my dick. It was so hard, and he gripped it tightly through the fabric.

He looked into my eyes. I watched them go from desire to doubt to fear to remorse.

"I can't," he whimpered. Wincing his face in pain, he pushed me back and darted from my office. The last thing I noticed was the smell of alcohol on his breath. He had drunk to build up his resolve to act on his desires, but he was in conflict. It was obvious. I was tempting a married man.

"So many people start out hot and heavy, or they talk about how they find the other person attractive. Cooper and I spent a few weeks of glances, hellos, small talk — it was just building. Slow. We were so attracted to each other, but he was very conflicted. He was a man dedicated to his marriage, but he knew he was living a lie. I knew he was drinking, but I didn't know to what extent. His coming to terms with admitting he was gay was tearing him up inside. I didn't know it then, but ... he was carried along a crashing wave that became a drinking problem."

"It's funny that in all the time you two were together, you never introduced him to me."

"I was afraid of being judged. I figured you'd look down on me for being involved with a married man. I mentioned him to you on the phone, but you and Nate were making wedding plans and everything. You got busy. It was just not a time when you and I had time for each other. But I knew if you knew he was married, you'd advise me to back off. I didn't really tell you about him until after he was officially divorced."

Logan jotted some things down. Probably horrible judgmental things. I had not been concerned about my past encounters; I had wanted to deal with my issues with Cooper. But now that Logan and I were discussing it, my stomach was in knots. Each tiny mistake in judgment was spitting in my face.

I was a terrible person. I didn't deserve love. Would Logan eventually tell me that?

"Mitch, in your own mind, can I ask ... why Cooper? He was married, had a child, he wasn't even out ... this didn't seem like your normal boyfriend type."

"Sheer attraction. Plain and simple. He is so handsome, so ... that made me look at him. I looked at him a lot. But in the simple interactions, I found him to be kind and nice and polite. I just enjoyed being with him. But it was the chemistry between the two of us. I felt it. He wanted me; I wanted him. The forbidden aspect of it all just made it even more tangible and magnetic. Yes, I did have doubts and regrets of him being married. But I knew — I knew! — he wanted to be with a man. It almost felt like ... it felt like I was rescuing a drowning man.

The following week, I had no idea where we were. Did he still want me? Or when he bolted from my office last week, was that the sign for me to stay away forever?

I kept my distance. I opted for inter-office email.

To: Cooper Snow
From: Mitchell Sanders

Did you still need me to check your printer? I can do that if you are willing to stay a little longer.

We had never discussed his printer. I knew it was fine.

To: Mitchell Sanders
From: Cooper Snow

Yes. I can stay a little longer if that helps.

I had my answer. I was at his door at 5:15. I could see a glass of bourbon on his desk. He had been drinking already.

"Lock the door, please," he instructed.

I did.

"Turn out the lights, please."

I did.

His office had one window. He had the blinds down most of the way. It was not a sunny day. The overcast skies cast a gray gloom across the sky instead of bright sunshine. A thin amount of daylight seeped through to give us just enough illumination to find each other.

He had agreed to meet. I felt I was in charge that day. I grabbed his shoulders and we kissed. Deeply. Madly. So intensely we started moaning. It was Friday, we were most likely the only ones left on the floor. Cooper's hands reached to hold my sides. As we kissed, he pulled me closer.

"I can't stop thinking about you," Cooper whispered, so delicately and softly it was almost imperceptible. My hands left his shoulders and worked their way down to his belt. I fumbled with it in the shadowy darkness, but seconds later, I heard the snap of it being ripped out of his belt loops and tossed to the floor. I slowly pulled down his zipper. As I peeled open his fly, the bulge in his underwear emerged. My fingers brushed the protruding mound. I shoved his pants down a foot and unbuttoned the bottom two buttons of his shirt.

Even in the dimmest of lighting I could see his cock jutted out into the room.

I groped it while I kissed him further. He reached to find my dick. I was ahead of him and pulled off my belt. Together we had my pants opened. Seconds later, my cock was in his hand. I wondered if it was the first erection other than his own that he had ever felt. We tugged and pulled on each other's anatomy for a couple of minutes. It was electrifying. We both knew it was exactly what we wanted.

"I need you. Are you ready for more?" I asked.

"Yeah," barely formed from his throat.

I knelt before him. My nose nuzzled into his bush and breathed in the scent of his crotch. My God. It had been months since I inhaled the essence of a man. I had missed it. And I now had a beautiful man before me, even though I couldn't appreciate his handsomeness in the dark. My tongue tasted his balls. He whimpered in approval. My moist mouth encased his cock. I devoured it.

"Oh. OH WOW."

I slurped on Cooper's rod for several minutes. It felt unbreakable. It had to be new for him; it had to be exhilarating and electric — because it was for me. His hands rested on my shoulders. I listened to him softly moan and breathe.

"Do you like it?" I asked.

"Oh, God, YES."

I smiled before my mouth plunged back down on his erection. He gripped my shoulders tighter.

Two minutes later he called out, "Mitchell. You've got me almost there. I'm almost there!"

I think he expected me to pull off. Instead, my hands cupped his ass cheeks and pulled him into my face further. His erection impaled my throat.

"Ungh! Oh, God, I'm coming. Mitchell. Mitchell."

He kept whimpering my name as he unloaded into my awaiting throat. His fingers had combed themselves into the hair on my head. He gripped it between his fingers. The orgasm was extreme. Cooper kept coming into my mouth. I felt stream after stream of his climax coat my mouth. My tongue danced with his cock. It dabbed the tip of its head. Slowly, I pulled off of his organ in a tight seal.

"Good?"

"Heavens yes," he enthusiastically confirmed.

I stood and looked into his eyes. Even in the dim lighting, they sparkled for me. He reached for my dick again. As we kissed, I knew he experienced some of the slickness of his cum in my mouth. Cooper attacked my mouth like a kid in a candy store. He seemed euphoric.

"Sometimes when people are finished, they lose their drive. Should we continue?"

My hard cock was restrained in his vise-like grip. "I want to," he answered.

"Have you ever sucked a man's cock?"

"No."

"Can I be your first?"

"Without a doubt."

I took a drink from his glass of bourbon, washing any remaining cum down my throat. I leaned back on his desk. He knelt before me. He had never done this before, and I sensed his hesitation. Perhaps he wasn't sure how to begin.

He figured it out. My cock was quickly engulfed, and he sucked on me for several minutes. I enjoyed watching and feeling what I could in the darkness. I knew Cooper was experiencing sensations he had never felt. Touching me, feeling me, tasting me, breathing me. I leaned back; my head tilted backward as I breathed loudly. Cooper attacked my hard-on. I was relieved that following his orgasm, he hadn't had second thoughts. I had fantasized for weeks about my dick in his mouth — it was happening. I loved it. I needed it.

"Coop, I'm about to come."

Swallowing another man's cum was too much for a first time. I pulled him up and kissed him. I grabbed my cock, and my fist started pumping my erection.

"Keep kissing me," I breathed into his lips. My other arm wrapped around his back. His right arm did the same around me. But his free hand cupped the head of my cock. I whispered into his mouth that I was coming. He felt powerful spurts hit his palm. Cooper moaned feeling its warm stickiness. It dripped from his hand, but he had kept it off our clothes.

Following my climax, he rotated his hand to contain most of it. I reached for a tissue from the box he had on the corner of his desk.

"Wait." Cooper brought his hand to his face and ran his tongue through it. "I wanted to do that first."

My tongue met his, and we just rubbed my cum between them. Then he felt the tissue hit his palm, and I began to wipe my liquid from his skin. Just as I was done, he felt my fingers move across his wedding ring.

"What do you mean by a drowning man?" Logan asked.

"We knew each other on a professional level. Once I got to know Cooper better on a personal level, I knew he was so conflicted. Alcohol had been his solution. He was getting drunk too often. It wasn't with me, but it invaded his home life. Natalie hated it. It was bad one night. He was drunk, and Corey didn't leave him alone when he wanted to be. Cooper shoved him to the floor and was horrified with what he had done. He called me that night. It was the only time I had heard Cooper be drunk. He wasn't himself. He was fighting tears. I can't remember how things transpired the next few weeks; it was such a mix of turmoil. He came out to Natalie. They decided to divorce. He and I discussed getting him into AA. I helped him find an apartment. It was just upheaval. I felt so sorry for him. I ... I just knew he needed someone. I wasn't going to abandon him."

"Mitchell, I know you look down on yourself, but you are really a giving person. You're a very loving person."

"Maybe back then. Yeah. I was there for him."

"You didn't feel any guilt?"

"For his marriage breaking up? No. That was inevitable. It was already in the process. If I was out of the picture, I wasn't sure Cooper would have made it. He seemed so lost. You just wanted to take care of him like a lost puppy in the rain."

"That description is too adorable for someone in Cooper's situation at the time."

"But that's what I felt. He needed someone. I knew Cooper was never a suicidal type of person-"

"That's nothing anyone can truly know."

"Perhaps. But that wasn't my fear. But his life could have come apart. If alcohol took its toll any further, his job would have been impacted. It could have spiraled, and he could have lost everything. I knew getting him into AA and into his own place was the new start he needed. Cooper's smart. He could figure his way out of things. He just needed his head to be clear."

"This wasn't the type of relationship you had with previous lovers. Those men were all very comfortable in their sexuality. Was it hard to go back to the stage where Cooper was?"

"I want you inside me," I said.

We had been sleeping together for two months. Cooper's sexual satisfaction had been met with my handiwork and oral skills. He had reciprocated likewise. I had not pressured him into fucking. I knew of his hesitation. A lot of reasons held him back: fear of pain, sanitary concerns, scripture. We hadn't discussed it a lot, but we had mentioned it enough that I knew I didn't need to pressure him immediately. I was hoping this night could be the right one. He seemed willing.

I opened my nightstand and pulled out a bottle of lube. Cooper's face looked worried. He was scared and uncertain.

"Mitch. You know. You know I've never done this."

"I know. It will be okay. We'll be slow."

I spread a towel and lay on my stomach. I coached him through simple steps. I instructed him to prepare my ass with his fingers. At first, the idea repulsed him. Then I enjoyed it so much, it excited him. He was surprised that the lube had a fragrance. Strawberry. Minutes later he dripped lubricant on his stiff rod. I listened to his hands coat his cock with the slippery liquid. I told Cooper to enter slowly. He wasn't sure if that was for my sake or his. It was all new to him.

"I'm scared," he whispered.

"Don't be," I whispered back. "It's all okay."

The head of his cock went in. I jumped slightly; it had been close to a year since I had been fucked. He slowly slid in. I buried my face in the pillow.

"Are you okay?"

Seconds later I nodded, my face still stuffed into the pillow. Then I turned my head to the side and exhaled. He felt all tension leave my body. I was thrilled we were finally doing it.

He started sliding his cock in and out.

"Ohhh, Mitch. This feels so good! I like being in you."

"Yeah. Shhh."

He locked his arms under mine and panted into my ear as we fucked.

I spread my knees and legs wider and lifted my butt a little. Cooper pounded me faster.

"This feels really good."

"I like you inside me, Cooper. It feels good for me too."

His mouth was on the back of my neck. He kissed me as his cock kept thrusting into my insides.

"Ohhh, Coooooooooper," I softly moaned.

He grunted above me. It wasn't loud enough for anyone next door to hear. But I could. I could hear Cooper enjoy his next step into the gay world. His hands cupped over mine, and we balled them together.

He was fucking me.

I was being fucked.

Cooper.

Me.

Finally.

We panted and softly groaned together.

"Mitchell. This. Feels. So. Good."

"Yeah, baby."

"Oh, man. I'm there, Mitch. Oh. OH. OHHH!" He shoved my ass hard. "UNGH!"

"Shh."

He raised himself on stiff arms.

"Ungh! Ungh! Ungh! Unnnnghhh."

He stopped. He kept himself hovering above me on his stiff arms and just panted. I smiled hearing him breathe, recovering from what seemed a good orgasm. He kept breathing. Then he lowered his body on top of mine again. His arms slid under me and held me tight.

"I – I liked that more than I thought I would."

"I'm glad."

He rolled off me. "I liked it a lot." I turned toward him. We smiled at each other. "Is it different with a condom?" he asked.

"Slightly, but mostly the same thing."

"Why didn't you want me to take a test with you?"

"You had only been with Natalie. I just wanted you to be able to trust me."

"I was okay with Cooper's lack of experience. That wasn't a big deal. In fact, the night he ... well, the night he first fucked me, that was the night that I knew I was in love with him. Completely."

He trusted me then.

"Did you tell him that night?"

"After sex? No. But it wasn't long after. We loved each other; both of us knew it.

"Nice place. Ivory Table," I said, scooting my chair up. The server handed me my napkin to place on my lap. Then Cooper and I were handed what seemed large and heavy leather menus.

"Well, it isn't exactly Lawrence Creek."

"I wouldn't have wanted to go there," I softly said. Not since Santos.

Since Cooper was with me, I didn't order anything alcoholic. We both had iced tea. Once the server took our entrée selections, we handed him our menus.

"So, what's the occasion? Did you get a bonus?" I asked across the table, looking at his handsome face.

"Partially. I wanted you to share that with me."

"Thank you."

"But it was a good occasion for something else."

"Okay ...?"

Cooper took a deep breath. "I'm not sure how to begin." He reached for my hand. I loved how he could express that affection in public. "Mitchell, I want you to know that I wouldn't have made it these past months without you."

"I'm sure you could have managed."

"I might have been able to get sober with AA's help on my own. But the rest — the apartment, the help, the intimacy, the support — it has been you. All you. You have no idea how much that has meant to me and how much I appreciate you."

"Well ... you've told me `thank you' countless times, so I know you have appreciated it. You're a very kind man, Cooper."

"I need to tell you something else." My eyes met his. "I need to tell you, `I love you.' I need you to know those words because I totally mean them. I – I hope that doesn't scare you off."

I smiled. "Hardly. I have felt the same. I've known for a couple of weeks. Like you, I didn't want to rush it, but ... I'm happy that we are a couple, Cooper. I love you, too."

There it was. More than a year after Santos, I felt love again. Although where we were at in our lives were different places, Cooper and I met at a comfortable middle ground.

"You've been patient with me. I understand that," Cooper said. "I'm kind of new at ... everything."

"And I've enjoyed sharing things with you."

"You've taught me so much. I would have floundered without you."

"Cooper. No. You would have been fine. I wouldn't have expected you to enter a sex cult or anything, but ..."

He laughed hard. "Wait. Are there sex cults?"

I laughed then. "I have no idea. Nor do I care. I just want you and me to be happy."

"Agreed. Mitch, I feel ... I feel really happy. I'm myself. I'm in love. With a man. I'm very happy."

Over dinner, we talked a little about work, a little about money, and a little about Corey.

"I don't want to get too far ahead," he started. "But when my lease is up at the end of the year, would you ... would you be open to ... maybe ... us?"

"I'm not sure if you've asked an actual question there. Do you mean moving in together?"

"I do. But again ... taking our time. We don't need to rush things. But if we're still good — THIS good — it would certainly make financial sense. Plus ... I would get to come home to the man I love each night."

"Not to mention carpooling."

He giggled.

"We found something in each other. Whatever we were looking for, we found it."

"And what do you feel you found specifically?"

"Love. Again. It was true love. I felt it more quickly than with any of the others."

"You don't think it was just because previous lovers didn't work out?"

"No. Cooper was the one. He introduced me to his family at Thanksgiving. He met my family — and they loved him."

I sighed and looked out the window across the room.

"Mitchell?"

"Then Kris came on to me at work. Cooper saw, and he went drinking that night. Kris had caused him to fall off the wagon. Well, Kris and I both did. That was the first crack I put in his base of trust. I convinced him it was nothing I wanted, and that Kris had started it. He believed me, thank heavens. They advise newcomers to AA to not date just because of that very situation. After a few weeks, he was convinced that I truly loved only him. Within weeks, we had moved in together."

"When you lived together, how did Corey fit into the picture."

I rubbed my temples and exhaled dramatically. "Corey. That poor kid. He had enough to contend with in his life with all of the changes with his parents. Then me. The two of us hit it off. Never in a million year would I have thought I would feel any paternal instincts, then ... bam ... I loved the kid. He's a great kid."

"Cooper seemed very proud of him in our sessions."

"After we had lived together for a while, Corey and I became very close. I accompanied him and Cooper to a school function. Corey introduced me: `This is Mitchell. He's like a second dad.' Cooper and I wanted to cry. He has just started high school now. I think I would have loved to have seen him grow into a young man. He's got a good head on his shoulders. But ... I messed all that up. Laramie gets to watch all that happen."

"In your past relationships, you were somewhat on equal footing with your partner. With Cooper, you were at different levels."

"I don't understand your question."

"You were experienced, he wasn't. He was higher up at the firm than you were. How did you handle these differences?"

"Well ... hm. I certainly wasn't on equal footing with Santos, not financially. But ... yeah, as lovers, partners — whatever — we were the same. He had his tastes, but we were equal in the bedroom. I loved being a teacher to Cooper. Lovemaking, gay culture ... sharing that experience with someone was what brought us close together."

"Did he teach you anything?"

"I want to do something different."

"Oh?" I paused. "I'm trying to think of something we haven't done. You didn't buy a sling, did you?"

Cooper's expression indicated that he didn't know what that was.

"Let's get loud. Let's make love and not hold back."

"Oh."

I didn't like loud sex. What if someone heard us? I still hear my parents having sex in my head from time to time. It makes me cringe.

"Something's wrong. Talk to me," he said.

"Oh, I don't know if wrong is the correct word." I sat up in bed. "Loud sex ... it ... it..."

Cooper hadn't seen me like this. I was thrown off guard. He could sense my anxiety. It was palpable.

"I'm sorry, Cooper. I guess I can try. I ... just get uncomfortable with it."

"Mitch, you have a book. You write down every detail about people you have sex with. Why would you be uncomfortable with this?"

I rolled my eyes and looked away when he mentioned my personal book of sexual conquests. I hated that he had seen it. I hated that he knew about it. I turned back to him.

"I had a job when I was ... oh, I guess 17. I got home as the news was going off. I guess my parents didn't hear me come in since the TV was still on. One of them came into the living room and turned it off and then they started ... making love. Uck. When your parents do it, it is so gross. They figured they had the house to themselves, but I had been in the kitchen with the lights off. I could hear them in their bedroom while I sat in the living room. I went to my room, and it was every bit as loud. I wanted to turn on the stereo, anything. I didn't own headphones, or I would have put them on. I was petrified. I didn't want them to know that I could hear them. I was ashamed and pissed off and ... and ... freaked out and a bit scared. I don't know why, but I hated it. I felt like I shouldn't be there. I just didn't ever want to be in that situation. It went on for about 15 minutes. I listened to my dad ... ugh. I just cringe thinking about it. I could tell he was coming. He all but screamed it. Listening to my mother squeal. Ugh. I knew I was gay by then, but that sort of cinched it in my mind. I went back to the front door and slammed it like I was just coming home." I went quiet. "I swore I would never let that happen to me."

Cooper reached for my hand. He pulled me into his shoulder. I loved being comforted by him.

"That does sound like a rather unpleasant memory, but you were practically a kid. We're adults. I never hear my neighbors, and this bedroom is the corner room on the building." He kissed my forehead. "I don't want you to do something you won't feel comfortable about, but ... I hope you would be willing to try. For me."

I buried my face in my hands. I wasn't comfortable with it, but I knew that Cooper had gone so far with what I had suggested we do. It wasn't fair of me to deny him this.

I sat upright. I breathed in. I turned to him, and my eyes pierced into his.

"I love you, Cooper. I can do this."

He gave me a smile. "I'll start it out. You can jump in."

He stripped off all his clothes. My erection had left me, but his was still notably firm. It jutted from his crotch. Cooper positioned his body to where my face was mouth-to-cock with his. I swallowed him. Slowly he kept thrusting in my mouth until I was devouring his entire organ. With each thrust, he let out a moan. With each moan, he got a little louder. With each increase in volume, his fingers dug deeper into the skin on my shoulders.

"That feels nice, Mitchell. Suck me. Suck all of me."

I moaned a little and raised my hands to grip his ass.

"That's it, baby. Let me hear you."

I moaned louder into his cock.

He kept fucking my skull for a few minutes. We had done this on numerous occasions, but never had he been able to be this audible. It was a new layer of passion. It was a new layer of pleasure. It was a new layer of fun. His moans had become louder groans. He loved releasing his gratification.

"Fuck yeah, baby. I love it. I love how you suck me."

I let a finger tease the pucker of his ass.

"Oh yeah, Mitchell."

I allowed myself to be louder.

I continued to satisfy my lover orally. He was grunting in his thrusts. He was getting close, then he pulled away from my mouth.

"I don't want to come yet."

He moved down to pull my briefs from my body. It was a bit difficult to get them over my raging erection.

"Yeah," I said.

He wriggled them off my legs and over my feet.

"Suck me. Suck me, Cooper."

It was what he had in mind.

He couldn't take all of my long dick in his mouth, but he took most of it. He moved up and down my pole in a slobbery, wet suck. I moaned. He hummed approval directly into my hard flesh.

"Coop. That feels good." I sighed. "Oh yeah."

He slurped more loudly. His tongue darted around my shaft, titillating the skin under the head.

"Oh fuck, Cooper. That's good."

I tried to participate more enthusiastically in vocalizing my pleasure. He grabbed the base of my dick and began pounding the hard meat as his mouth continued to suck the head. I moaned louder. He moaned with me. I groaned louder. He groaned with me.

I squirmed in Cooper's magnificent blowjob. My fingers ran through his hair. His head bobbed on my crotch, and I gripped his hair between my fingers.

"Yeah, Coop. Fuck yeah. Keep doing that."

He did. He sucked me like it was my last day to be alive. My cock throbbed in his mouth. I pulled my fingers from his hair and began scratching them down his back. He groaned.

"Cooper. Cooper! Baby. Don't make me come. I need you to fuck me."

His tongue danced along the entire length of my rod, and then he pulled off.

"Fuck me, please."

I ran to get a towel. He leaned over to get the lube. Seconds later, the towel was stretched below my ass, and he was fingering my hole, applying slick lubricant. He squeezed a line of clear gel on his dick and gripped his hard-on, sliding the application all around it.

"I need you inside me," I said.

He smiled at me. I was definitely going with this idea. We kissed. When we stopped, our eyes locked.

"I need you to fuck me."

"I want to fuck you."

"I need you."

"I want to be inside you."

His dick entered my hole. I all but screamed, letting go of my inhibitions.

"Ohhhh yeah," we said in unison.

"Do you like me inside you?"

"Fuck yes! Fuck me, man. Fuck me, Cooper."

My legs were spread apart, and his erection moved in and out of me easily. As he shoved his flesh inside me, we kissed harder with each thrust. His throat groaned into mine in our sealed kiss.

For several minutes we were in sexual motion. Our skin had become hot as if lying in the sun. We were sweaty. We were making love. Loud love. My hands groped his upper body as he thrust his hips. His dick moved in and out of me with a strong rhythm.

"I feel so good in you," he said.

"I love you inside me. Keep fucking me. FUCK YEAH!"

I had never been so loud in my life. My pleasure had removed every inhibition I had. My cock bobbed about as he fucked my ass. I reached down to start pumping my steel rod.

We groaned loudly. We were like animals, snarling and howling.

"Fuck yes. Fuck yes. Fuck yes."

"Are you gonna come?" he asked.

"I'm close. Keep fucking me. Fuck me hard. Fuck me with that hard cock."

I was now overwhelmed with our sex. Sweat dripped from my forehead. My moaning had devolved into a whimper as my climax was nearing.

"Ohhhh...
"Cooooopeeeeerrrrrr...
"You're going to make meeeeeee..."

I grunted loudly.

"I'm coming baby. I'm coming. Keep fucking me."

Cum poured from my cock onto my navel. I screamed through my entire orgasm.

Cooper was louder. "Mitchell." Louder. "MITCHELL! I'm so close..."

"Keep fucking me, baby. Make that cock come inside me."

"FUCK!!" he screamed, shoving his cock into my hole as hard as he could and kept it deep inside.

He shot stream after stream of creamy liquid deep inside me. He screamed aloud until his climax ended. His body trembled. He pulled his dick from my ass and moved it into my pool of cum. His body collapsed on mine as he slid his dick into my ejaculated passion. Our lips sealed. We kissed for long moments. Minutes. Hours. Months. Our tongues tangoed inside our mouths.

As we broke for air, gasping, our arms were wrapped around each other tightly.

"Oh. My. God," I panted.

"Did you like it?"

"That was fucking hot," I said.

"I'm glad you liked it."

"And no one could hear us," I said. "We're on the corner."

"And you're not freaked out?"

"I'm okay. Knowing no one could hear us next door."

"Maybe on the floor below."

"Don't tell me that." We laughed, still catching our breath. "Don't ruin it."

We cleaned our bodies and found ourselves kissing some more.

"You usually don't cuss like that," I said.

"You usually don't let me say anything."

We laughed some more.

I moved to the side of the bed and reached down for my briefs.

"Leave them," he said.

More often than not, I would sleep with underwear on, sometimes even with a T-shirt. I loved the idea of our skin touching each other throughout the night. I loved being that close to Cooper.

He turned out the light, and we held each other naked. Our skin was still warm. If we were twenty years younger, we'd probably be starting again. We were spent though. It was the best sex we had ever had.

"Did you like it?" he asked in the darkness.

"Hell yeah. You were right. That was different for us."

"Good enough to add to my page in the book?"

"Gawd. I hate that you know about that book. Do you really want me to write that in there?"

"Hell, yeah. I don't have the goods when it comes to dicks. I need some sort of bonus points on paper."

"You have all the goods I want. I love you, Cooper."

"Yes. Cooper taught me things, of course. I learned a lot from him. He got me to loosen up and have loud sex."

"Oooo. I never got to see that."

"You didn't love me."

"Miiiiitchell. Don't say that. Just because I was in a different place at the time..."

"You didn't love me, Logan."

"Once we split up, I admitted to myself that I did. It just scared me. We were college-aged. But I loved you in the way I could at that age, but I wasn't confident enough to admit it. I resisted it. I wasn't ready to be in love."

"You didn't love me."

"It was long ago. I'm not sure what my feelings were back then, but I cared for you very much. VERY much."

"I understand. I've accepted that."

"But ... you said you loved me. How was the love for Cooper different than the love for me or Cruz or Santos?"

"Deeper. Kind of soulmate deep. We just made each other happy. We were there for each other. He was what I was looking for. Cooper checked all the boxes."

"Well, not all the boxes."

"Why do you say that?"

"He didn't have the penis you wanted."

"Oh for ... I didn't care about that."

"Mitch. Stop. You cheated on him with a man who had a bigger dick. Cooper's dick didn't check the box."

"How do you even know what Cooper's dick looked like!?"

There was an awkward silence in the room."

"Well, first, you described it to me from the page in the book. And not that I discuss other patients, but you sent Cooper to me. Cooper told me that his penis didn't measure up to what you wanted."

"I never said that! I never told him that!"

"Last week I asked you a question to think about. I asked you if Cooper would take you back, would you go back and you said yes. Then I asked what if he — for some reason — wasn't able to make love. Would he still be the love of your life."

"I did think about it. A long time. It was ... it was a tough question. You know me well. I ... well, I love sex. I have no problems admitting that. But I loved Cooper. LOVED him. I still do. If there was something that prevented him from making love, we'd figure something out. I could still be able to fuck him or he could suck me or ... we'd figure it out. I loved him more than anything."

"So why did you cheat? He was the love of your life!"

God. I didn't want to answer.

* * * *

A new post, "Mitchell and Cooper," can be found at the blog: timothylane414stories.blogspot.com

We are getting into trickier territory now, so feedback is welcome.

Email: timothylane414@gmail.com