I have disgraced my family and turned my back on everything I have ever known and I would do it all again because Shon is worth it. I roll over and gaze at him. He spent the night at my place for the first time in our six year relationship and I can't wait to walk out the front door with my hand in his. It feels good to be free to love him and whatever sadness I once had about moving forward has been obliterated by the intense happiness and abundant sense of satisfaction I have received from finally owning my life. I have so many things to make up to him and there are so many memories I wish I could erase from his mind and mine as well. He tolerated more than any man should have to and he did it because he loved me and he had faith that one day I would outgrow my shame and stand up for myself and him. He is undoubtedly my savior and he will forever be my hero. The future may not find us together but I owe whatever future I do have to him and his unwavering patience.
I close my eyes and try to envision how we must look. I see an average sized Latino lying on his side under a thin white sheet that only covers half of his body. In front of the Latin guy is a 5'7" black guy with skin the color of dark chocolate. The sheet drapes across the black guy's hips and creates a contrast of color and texture and shape that begs to be drawn by an artist and captured as a thing of beauty or photographed and framed as a priceless work of art. Everything about the black guy, my Shon, is beautiful. His almond colored eyes are set beneath thick black eyebrows. His round nose is perched between two high cheek bones and his thick lips are luscious. I open my eyes and see that his lips are beginning to form a smile.
His deep voice rumbles through the air with a warm, "Good morning." His eyes sparkle and it is obvious he also understands the symbolism of this simple moment. This moment that has been denied for so long. If we can have this moment it seems possible that we can have anything. I watch his plush lips part again, "I said good morning."
I sigh to myself because he's real and he's here and he's mine. "It is indeed," I reply.
"It feels strange, being here, like this." His hand finds mine and he begins playing with my fingers. "I keep waiting for someone to knock down the door and tell me I need to leave."
A tiny part of me is also waiting for the same thing but I am confident that our moment is secure. I no longer matter to anyone except him so there is no one who will come looking for me. Not after what I said. Not after what I did. I told them all in no uncertain terms that I was choosing Shon over them. They were angry at first, then they were hurt and then they were hurtful. I was kicked out of the house and warned to never return. My father didn't understand why I was smiling. I had allowed my parents to dominate my life and dictate who I was and for the first time in my twenty-six years of existence, I stood tall and proclaimed my independence. I wanted them in my life because they had always been there, but I didn't need them. I didn't need their okay, I didn't need their understanding, I didn't need their prayers or their sympathy for my poor soul which was destined to burn in hell, prostrated on Satan's pitchfork according to my father. All I needed from them was to look in their eyes and be confident that they finally saw the real me. Take it or leave it, I was their son. They chose to leave it and that was okay because I assumed they wouldn't want the defective me. I knew they weren't strong enough, weren't brave enough, weren't open-minded enough to ask questions. The priest said homosexuality was an abomination and my parents accepted his words as gospel. He was in, I was out, literally and figuratively.
"Don't think about it," Shon says as his thumb wipes away the tears before they have time to run down my face. "Maybe they'll come around."
His words elicit a sad laugh from me, "God himself would have to tell them to love me."
"Maybe we should pray for your parents and hope that God will see fit to enlighten them."
God is our one major disagreement. My parents, my priest, my church and my upbringing have all spoiled me on the idea of God. I lost my faith or gave it away, it doesn't matter. All I know is that it's gone. Shon however has a fervent belief in the existence of God and he holds steadfast to his belief that God loves all of his children, including us. For every reason I give him about how God hates us, he gives me at least two reasons to the contrary. I know the Bible can be interpreted in many ways, but I think Shon has created his own version because he is truly in his own world. I read Revelations and remember death and destruction and the promise that I will suffer for offending God and Shon reads Revelations and remembers salvation and the promise of redemption. I keep trying to explain to Shon that God does not love us but he believes God's love knows no bounds. I know he is wrong and I am right.
Thankfully Shon is not fanatical about religion. He accepts his homosexuality and he fornicates and he is lustful and there is an entire list of sinful things he does but he says he has made his peace with God. He's more devoted than a "Sunday Christian" but he's not obsessed. He doesn't try to force his faith on me. He understands my faith has taken some serious blows mostly due to the fact that God took my family away from me. Shon says I'm looking at it all wrong but he hasn't had the experiences I have. His mother loved him unconditionally. When he told her he liked boys she told him he should treat it like any other sin and ask God for strength to fight it. When she realized not even God was strong enough to suppress Shon's urges for men, she told him his sin was no worse than anyone else's and we are all sinners. His mother has him believing as long as he repents and asks for God's forgiveness everyday, he will be okay and God will grant him salvation. I think she has really screwed up his head.
I sigh and then I reach under the covers and take hold of him. "How about you pray for them while I take care of this?"
"That wouldn't be right."
"Fine, don't pray for them." I cannot believe I have him in my bed and I can do whatever I want with him or to him. Before last night sex between us had always been rushed because I was in a hurry to get my shameful actions over with and after we were done I would get up and leave and run back to my place in order to deal with the intense feelings of guilt for both wanting and needing that kind of affection from another man. I knew I loved Shon a few months in to our relationship but I only would say it during sex because I rationalized that saying it during the heat of the moment made it less authentic. This morning is different though because I want him to know I mean it. I stroke him a few times then I look directly in to his eyes and say, "I love you." It feels good to say it without panting.
"I think that's obvious," he says with a smile.
"I must love you, to give up what I"
"Happy thoughts, remember?"
"I woke up with you in my bed. How could I think of anything happier?"
"Awww, you're so sweet." He leans in and gives me a soft, tender, slightly lingering peck on my lips. The cloud that once showered us with tension and rained on all intimate contact has been lifted and the kiss is just a kiss. I never thought I would see the day when I could relax completely and cherish his presence for the blessing it was and accept his kisses as miniature messages of his love. Everything is slower now and simpler. I appreciate the hours, the minutes, the seconds and most importantly, the moments. All time spent with Shon rejuvenates my heart and fills my lungs with the fresh air I need in order to live. It seems as if I have spent my entire life slowly building towards us being together and I wonder if I have reached the climax of my life prematurely and if the road ahead will plateau or simply vanish from beneath me and send me in to a free fall. Shon begins caressing my cheek. His calloused fingers could exfoliate my skin and I love that hint of roughness that accompanies even his gentlest touches. "I see your little brain working," he says, "stop worrying."
"I'm not worrying, I'm thinking." Having him stare at me and observe my every move makes me want to finish the slow stimulation I am giving him under the covers. "How can you make me feel this good?"
"Because you love me," he whispers.
"Why are you whispering? It's not a secret anymore."
"You love me!" he shouts.
I laugh, "Say it a little louder, I don't think the neighbors heard you."
He stops caressing my cheek and places his hand on my hip, "Do you want them to hear me?" he jokes.
"Only if you're screaming my name, 'Oh Juan! Ay Papi!'"
His laughter shakes the bed, "I'm never calling you Papi."
I tighten my fingers around his cock and stroke harder, "I think I can convince you to say it."
"You keep doing that and you can convince me to say just about anything."
I move my hand and push him down on the bed. The way he looks as I climb on top of him makes me feel happy inside and causes the return of the immense joy I always have when I feel his body under mine and I see his eyes staring at me, waiting for me to bring us both pleasure. "What if I do this?" I ask as my head begins its short trek down his body, making brief stops to lick and kiss random places before disappearing under the sheet. I kiss each one of his testicles and suck them.
"If you do that, I'll definitely say it." I nick one of his testicles with my teeth, but I don't make him bleed, because he hates bleeding; it's the hint of pain that excites him and not the pain itself. My tongue goes over the place that my teeth just made tender and then I trace a path up his left testicle and up the shaft of his ten inch erect penis. I hear him moaning and I feel him lifting his hips off the bed. My right hand slithers across his skin and ventures in to the colder air that surrounds the part of his body that is exposed. He knows exactly why my hand has appeared. He grabs my hand and I soon feel his mouth slobbering my middle finger. He sucks my finger with fervor before I begin to pull my finger away. The air seems even colder as my hand returns to the warm area under the sheet with me. Shon loves lubricating his own finger because he says it turns him on to know that his spit is coating the walls of his butt. I aim to please so I give him what he wants.
My middle finger traces a path from right below his dick to his rosebud. I slowly push the finger inside him. He begins pushing down against my finger when my finger is in all the way and I start moving the finger around, trying to curl it and tickle him. I pull the finger out almost to the nail and then I push the finger all the way back in and I hear him softly gasp for air. Six years of having sex with him has taught me how to push all the right buttons on his body. I begin pumping my finger in and out of him. He meets each thrust of my finger with a thrust of his own, downward to meet my intruding digit and I continue manipulating my finger inside him. I use my other hand to wipe the pre-cum from the tip of his cock and I put my fingers in my mouth and taste the familiar tangy goodness. I want to taste the intoxicating substance as it flows directly from the source, and I know he's close so I decide to help him over the final hurdle. I take his cock in between my lips and proceed to impale my head with his hard organ. Seconds later, I feel him entering the back of my throat. Years of practice has rewarded me with the pleasure of taking all of him. I say rewarded because the musky, unmistakable smell of his body as my nose presses against his faint trace of soft hairs, is enough to make me dizzy with desire.
My finger pumps him furiously as I drive him to orgasm. His body convulses violently on the bed and I feel him shooting down my throat. I continue to suck him a little longer then I take my finger out and give the top of his dick a few licks to make sure it is clean before I emerge from under the sheet and rest on top of him. His eyes are looking directly in to mine and I see the glazed over look that tells me he's still not completely with me yet. When his breathing returns to normal his eyes focus on me and he smiles. "You didn't say it," I tell him.
He makes a few thrusts upwards with his pelvis and says, "Oh Juan! Ay Papi!"
I laugh and kiss his neck, "It's too late now."
"Oh so you don't want to"
"Want to what? Make love to you again?" His eyes tell me that's what he wants and my pulsating cock presses firmly against his thigh and lets him know that's what he's about to get. I whisper in his ear, "I could do this all day."
"Why don't you?" he asks.
"Because I want to take you out to lunch and show you off to the world and then I want to go to the movies and have my arm around you and maybe even touch you in the dark and then I want to buy you dinner and grab your hand and tell you I love you loud enough for everyone around us to hear and I'll follow that up by taking you to the club and finally dancing with you without my stupid cap on and after all that is over, I'm going to bring you back here and have my way with you just like I did last night." I am genuinely excited to be able to share my love for him with the world and to not give a damn what anyone says when they see us together. I want to make up for all the romantic things we should have done and let him know how much I appreciate his commitment to me, even when I purposely made it difficult for him to love me.
"I think you're about to have your way with me right now," he states as he moves his legs.
"If God's willing," I tease. He rolls his eyes. I lift both of his legs, causing the sheet to retreat to the end of the bed then I push his legs against his chest. I lower my body and my tongue quickly finds his hole. He holds his legs for me and tries to give me more access to his body. He shudders when my tongue pushes in to him. Before I was the demon seed in my parents' eyes, rimming him made me want to kill myself, but now I can take my time and savor the odor while tasting him.
My tongue is only in him for a few minutes when I hear him plead, "Just fuck me, please."
I move up his body and position myself to enter him. He hands me a pillow to slip under his hip. When he raises his body to make room for the pillow, his refreshed cock touches mine and we both moan. I slide in to place and am amazed that it still feels like the first time, like I haven't done this to him hundreds of times over the years. He fits me like a custom made suit. When we first met, it was the way I fit inside him that forced me to keep calling him. Now our relationship is based on much more than great sex but the sex alone is still enough to curl my toes.
Last night I was slow and methodical about prolonging our lovemaking, but I don't have the restraint to hold back so I go at him with everything I have left in me. The actual sex doesn't last very long but the sensations that travel through my body afterwards leave me feeling satisfied and exhausted. I collapse on top of him and let my cock soften on its own and slip out. When I move to get off of him, he wraps his legs around my waist and pulls me down.
"You're not getting away that easily," he says.
I already know what he wants because he likes to stick his tongue in my mouth and see if he can taste remnants of himself, but I decide to tease him a little, "I've sucked you and I've fucked you, what else do you want me to do?"
He grins, "Kiss me." I begin the kiss tentatively by licking his lips. His lips part and his tongue slips out to meet mine. Seconds later his tongue is in my mouth scavenging for whatever it can find. I have screwed my fair share of guys, but I have only kissed two guys: the guy who was my first everything and Shon. Shon is definitely the best kisser of the two.
When the kiss is over, his legs release my hips and I roll off of him. He starts laughing. I ignore his laughter for a few seconds but when it persists, I wonder what is so funny, "What?"
He pulls the pillow out from under himself, "Do you want your pillow back?"
I grab the pillow out of his hand and flip it over to the clean side then I put my head down on the pillow, "I guess the joke is on you."
He stops laughing and we lay in the serenity of post-sex bliss. I can't help but think about how happy I am that I asked Shon to stay. I break the tranquility, "Thanks for staying last night."
"Thanks for finally asking."
I sigh and decide I better change the subject before I think about the situation too much because thinking about it will eventually mean thinking about them. "Let's get dressed and go eat something. I'm famished."
"Can we lie here a little longer?"
"Sure."
It is nice to lay there after sex. As time passes, I start thinking about the first night Shon and I met, back when we were younger versions of ourselves. He was eighteen and I was twenty. I walked in to the gay club that night hoping for another anonymous hook up. I had my cap pulled down low on my face and I was sitting in a dark corner of the room. The plan was to check out the guys and then try to make a move on one of them but I didn't get the chance because this young black guy came and sat next to me. "See anything you like?" he asked. I looked at the guy and figured he would do for the night but he had other plans. We started talking and the conversation was effortless. We ended up talking for hours. He carefully ignored my attempts to get him to go to the bathroom with me but I was enjoying our conversation so much that I never moved to find someone else. As the club began to empty, Shon wrote his number on a piece of paper and slipped it in my pocket. "Maybe next time you can get your wish and we can do more than talk." If he hadn't hinted that something else would happen, I don't think I would have called him because I was not looking for a relationship. When I did call him, he invited me over to his new apartment and we had sex. I left immediately after we were done. I called him two weeks later and he invited me over again. I was expecting to have sex with him and leave, but I arrived to find him in the middle of eating dinner. He offered me some chicken and rice.
I noticed the extra plate on the table and I suspected the dinner was a setup to try to get to know me better. I wanted to make my position crystal clear, "I don't do dates."
"Good, I don't do dates either." He sat down and picked up his fork, "Help yourself if you want something or you can sit and watch me eat."
"I," he looked up at me and I lost my train of thought. "What do you have to drink?"
"Open the fridge."
I opened the refrigerator and was surprised when I saw how empty it was, "Water, beer and orange juice?"
"Those are the choices."
I laughed. "Don't you have any food?"
"The food is in the freezer."
I opened the freezer part and saw a lot of microwaveable dinners and snacks and realized he obviously wasn't a big cook and yet he had prepared a home-cooked meal. I felt compelled to say something, "If I had known you were eating, I would have come later." I closed the freezer and opened the fridge and took out a beer. I sat down and sipped my beer while he ate.
"How was your day?" he asked. His question caught me off guard and caused me to pause for a second in order to decide if I was going to answer. He made me nervous and I wasn't sure why but the impulse to have another conversation with him overwhelmed my policy of not becoming personally involved with gay guys. We talked while he finished his dinner and then he had a beer of his own and we talked some more. We moved to the living room so he could show me his new video game and we played the game until my mother called and asked when I was coming home. Shon walked me to the door and gave me a hug, "Call me Friday."
I spent the next week promising myself I wasn't going to call Shon and then Friday rolled around and I called him right after my last class ended. We were almost inseparable after that. He even came over to my house a few times under the guise of being my best friend. Although it wasn't completely a guise because he was and still is my best friend, but he was always more than just that. I never had sex with him at my parent's house because in my mind that was the one place where all intimate contact with him was strictly forbidden, even when no one was in the house. I forced Shon to endure long dinners with my parents and to sit through discussions about the errant homosexuals who were ruining the world and frolicking around like ninnies. Shon held his tongue.
I convinced Shon to watch me with another guy and occasionally he even participated in threesomes with random guys I picked up and brought back to his place. Three years ago Shon told me he wanted it to be just the two of us and we took a break for a while because I was afraid of committing to him and fully accepting being gay. I wanted to think of myself as a straight guy who had a proclivity to have sex with other guys. A few months of no Shon made me come to terms with how much I loved him and one day I picked up the phone and called him and apologized and begged him to take me back and we became exclusive.
My parents somehow found out he was gay and they recommended I cease and desist with our friendship. I told my parents I was done with Shon and I started sneaking around with him. As soon as I graduated with my MBA I found an apartment downtown and moved out of my parents' house. It felt great to have my own place but I never let Shon come over because I was afraid my parents might stop by and catch him there and I couldn't take that risk. Shon was very patient with me during that time and he never complained about the way I treated him.
"What are you thinking about?" he asks.
I step back in to the present and look at him. "I'm thinking about us. It's been a long road to get here."
"I know."
I reach for his hand, "But we made it."
He squeezes my hand, "We didn't make it. We survived it."
"Same thing." There is no need to focus on the particulars because we are together and that is the only detail that matters to me. I sit up in bed and rest my back against the headboard. I am lucky to have Shon and even luckier that he stuck around because a lot of guys would not have put up with my shit. I kiss his hand and then I release it and let it fall to my lap. He playfully pats my soft cock before his hand glides across my skin and plummets off my leg, dropping on the bed in the space between our bodies. I want him here forever and I impulsively request the next best thing, "Move in with me." I wait a few seconds for his response but he doesn't say anything. I begin to regret opening my mouth and saying those words because I can't take them back. I don't know what I was thinking. This is the first time I invited him to my apartment and this is the first time I spent the night with him and I have the audacity to ask him to move in with me. He needs time to adjust to the new us, the real us, the us that is a legitimate couple.
Seconds pass before the silence is chased away by the sound of his voice, "It shouldn't be too hard to sublease my apartment, but when do you want me to move in?"
I have to remember to breathe again. "Whenever you want to."
"Does today work?"
I didn't want to sound too eager. "Sure, it's up to you though, whatever you want to do."
"Okay." He sits up and I know he has a plan because he always has a plan. "While we're out we can stop by my place and pick up a few things and then we can move the rest in slowly." He looks at me and I see he is smiling from ear to ear but his smile fades and he looks worried. "This is a big step. Are you sure?"
"I can't think of anything I want more." The truth of the words surprises even me. After six years, all I want is him. I no longer need the family that caused me to hate myself or the friends who failed to accept me for who I am. Shon is all I need. He loves me for me and he understands me better than anyone. It took almost losing him for me to wake up and say to hell with everyone else.
Shon is a construction worker and about two weeks ago there was an accident at his job. Shon was stuck in a trench and they weren't sure if he was going to make it. His mother called me and I rushed to the scene. He was barely breathing when they pulled him out, but it didn't appear that anything was broken. His mother let me ride in the ambulance with him. I did all the things someone in love would do; I held his hand, I kissed his cheek, I begged him to come back to me and I cried. The EMT asked me how long we had been together and I quickly corrected him, "Oh we're not together."
He looked surprised and then he said, "I'm sorry. I just assumed."
I had to offer some explanation so I told him, "He's my best friend."
"So you're secretly in love with him?"
"No, I'm not in love with him. He's my friend."
"Oh, I thought, never mind."
I dropped Shon's hand and spent the next two minutes sitting there not sure what I should do. I wanted to hold his hand and touch him but I didn't want the EMT to watch me so I was hesitant and nervous, but I reached a point where I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed his hand and held it. The EMT gave me a knowing look and I blushed and tried to avoid his eyes. He saw the truth despite my adamant denials. I loved Shon and if it was clear to a complete stranger, it should have been clear to anyone who saw us together. I made the decision then that I couldn't deny myself the happiness of having him in my life. He was in a coma for about a week and I was at his bedside for most of that week. Every moment away from his bedside was filled with worry and guilt for not being there for him. His situation was my inspiration to cut off my last remaining ties to my family.
I knew my parents would find out about me one day and I would be rejected by them so I spent the past two years in my apartment building up an invisible wall. I tried to keep my distance. I rarely called home and I only went home for major holidays even though home was only about thirty minutes away. My logic was that it would be hard to miss something I had grown accustomed to living without. My parents made random infrequent visits to my apartment and I suspected their visits were actually meant to make sure I was staying away from Shon. I was a grown man but they didn't respect me as a man and I didn't ask for their respect.
The doctors told us outside of the coma, Shon was fine and all we had to do was wait for him to wake up. The doctor also said it was good for us to talk to Shon, and that was what I did, I talked to him. One day I held Shon's hand and told him I was going to tell my parents about us and I was going to deal with their reaction. I promised I wouldn't be ashamed of our relationship anymore and I wasn't going to try to hide him like he was some dirty secret. I told him all he had to do was wake up and everything would be different. He squeezed my hand and I looked in to his eyes for the first time in over a week.
"You're finally going to come out of the closet huh?" He had a small grin on his face.
"I think I've been hiding long enough," I told him. I gave him a kiss on his lips. "I missed you." I wasn't ready to tell him I loved him yet but I knew I would say it to him soon and in a non-sexual way. I talked to Shon until visiting hours were over and then I stopped by McMurphy's for a few drinks and headed to my parents' house for a late night visit.
It was 11 pm when I arrived at their house and knocked on the door. I had a key but I hadn't used it since I moved out because their house wasn't my house anymore. My father opened the door and he knew something was wrong. I walked in and sat at the kitchen table. My father called my mother and I heard her coming down the hallway. I was their future, their son, their pride and joy and I was about to rip their hearts out and stump on them. It was easier to say it all at once so I opened my mouth and told them I was gay, Shon was my boyfriend, and I desperately loved him.
They responded much in the way I expected. My father practically lifted me out of my seat and told me to get out. He told me I would burn in hell and he made a few other choice references about my position in the afterworld. My mother did surprise me when she told me in Spanish, "That boy did this to you. He turned you in to this." My father said I was not to come back to the house until I had freed myself of all the demons in my soul. I knew I would never be free of the demons so I assumed I would never set foot in my parents house again. I was their only child and they were willing to let me go.
I stopped back by McMurphy's for a few more drinks and then I returned to my apartment. I thought officially losing my parents would be sadder than it was, but I only felt a small pang of sadness. I had spent half of my life emotionally preparing for the day when my secret would be revealed and they would rip their love away from me and I found myself comparing my nightmares of how they would react to their actual reaction as opposed to feeling the weight of their future absence.
Shon stayed in the hospital a few more days and then he spent a couple of days at his mother's house because she didn't want to worry about him. He spent Thursday night at his apartment and his mother stayed with him to make sure he was okay. He complained about her babying him but I could tell he loved every second of it. I took yesterday off and went to see him early in the afternoon. His mother was still there so I told her she could go home because I was going to take care of him for the weekend. She smiled and hugged me and then she fixed us lunch, told Shon to call her if he needed anything, told me I better take good care of her baby and left. We ate our lunch and all he wanted to talk about was how I was feeling and if my parents had called me. He was always concerned about me and I knew it was because he loved me. We finished lunch and went to cuddle on his bed.
I kissed his neck and he stopped me, "We can't have sex. I don't want you to leave."
His comment struck my heart. I kissed his neck again, "I'm not running away anymore. We can do whatever you want to do and I'll be here."
"I like what we're doing now."
"Okay." I held him while we talked and eventually he fell asleep. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to fall asleep, too. I woke up because Shon was pinching me.
When I opened my eyes he kissed me on my cheek and said, "Now that you've slept with me, you're going to have to do it again."
"I intend to." He was unaware that I had accidentally fallen asleep with him several times while we were cuddling, but I always woke up before he did and fled before he had a chance to wake up and catch me. We lazed around in his bed for a while and then I decided to take our relationship to the next level. I got out of bed and pulled him up by his hand, "I want to take you somewhere."
"Where?"
"You'll see when we get there." I drove him downtown to my apartment.
He was wondering where we were going until I swiped my parking pass and parked in the garage. "Don't tell me I'm finally getting to see your apartment."
"Fine, I won't tell you."
He hit me in my arm. "And all I had to do was almost die."
He was quiet after that but his smile brightened the entire hallway as I led him to my place. I opened the door and he stepped in. "Have a seat and I'll fix you dinner."
"You're cooking for me?"
"Yes and if you behave I may even let you spend the night." He laughed. "Okay, you twisted my arm, you can stay." His laughter stopped suddenly as if he hit a wall and the laughter was snatched away from him by the impact. I turned on the television and handed him the remote then warned him, "Close your mouth unless you want me to put something in it."
I walked in to the kitchen and fixed us some chicken enchiladas while Shon watched television. We ate and talked about everything and nothing as we usually did. I had bought an apple pie for our dessert because I knew it was his favorite. He finished half of the pie and sat back in his chair and patted his belly, "I need to burn off some of this food, any suggestions?"
"Call your mother and tell her you're okay and I may have an idea of how you could burn a lot of calories." I stood up and handed him the phone and then I went to the living room and watched television while I waited for him. He talked to his mother for over an hour.
He came out from the kitchen and said, "I'm sorry that took so long." I kept my eyes on him as he walked in front of me. "Let me make it up to you." He dropped to his knees and reached for my belt and that was the beginning of a night spent slowly enjoying each other's bodies. For me, the night was also about much more than sex.
Waking up in the middle of the night and having him drooling on my chest was the best feeling in the world. Waking up a little later and spooning with him was a close second and then waking up and seeing his face in the morning was like finding a million dollars on the sidewalk and being told you can keep it. I felt guilty, like I didn't deserve him, but ecstatic because I had him.
Shon scoots over on the bed so that our legs are touching. He puts his arm around my shoulder, "I wasn't sure if you would ever come around but I loved you too much to let you go."
I say, "Good things come to those who wait."
He moves his arm and elbows me. "Yeah, you got me, didn't you?" he asks jokingly.
I turn my head and look at him and answer him seriously, "Yeah, I got you" I give him a peck on his lips just because I can, "and you got me."
"Forever?" he asks.
"I hope so." He smiles because he knows I have just broken my final cardinal rule. I have only spoken about us in the future in terms of a few weeks ahead and I have always either ignored or flat out rejected his comments that implied forever, but today, on this Saturday morning, the word 'forever' is music to my ears.
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